Charles  Lever 


THE  GIFT  OF 

MAY  TREAT  MORRISON 

IN  MEMORY  OF 

ALEXANDER  F  MORRISON 

Harry  Lorrequer 


By  CHARLES  LEVER 

Author  of  "  Charles  O'Malley,"  Etc. 


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PHILADELPHIA     Published  by 

HENRY  T.  COATES  &  CO. 


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1 


PREFACE. 


That  some  thirty  years  after  the  sketches  which  form  this  volume 
were  written  I  should  be  called  on  to  revise  and  re-edit  them,  is 
strange  enough  to  me,  well  remembering,  as  I  do,  with  what  little 
hope  of  permanence  they  were  ijenned,  how  lightly  they  were 
undertaken,  and  how  carelessly  thrown  together.  But  there  is  some- 
thing still  stranger  in  the  retrospect,  and  that  is,  that  these  same 
papers — for  originally  they  were  contributed  as  articles  to  the 
Dublin  University  Magazine — should  mainly  have  directed  the  course 
of  my  future  life,  and  decided  my  entire  career. 

I  may  quote  from  a  former  prefece  that  I  was  living  in  a  very 
secluded  spot  when  I  formed  the  idea  of  jotting  down  these  stories, 
many  of  them  heard  in  boyhood,  others  constructed  out  of  real  inci- 
dents that  had  occurred  to  my  friends  in  travel,  and  some  again — 
as  the  adventures  of  Trevanion  and  the  French  duellist,  for  instance 
— actual  facts  well  known  to  many  who  had  formed  i)art  of  the  army 
of  occupation  in  France. 

To  give  what  consistency  I  might  to  a  mass  of  incongruous  adven- 
ture, to  such  a  variety  of  strange  situations  befalling  one  individual, 
I  was  obliged  to  imagine  a  character  which  probably  my  experi- 
ences— and  they  were  not  very  mature  at  the  time — assured  me  as 
being  perfectly  possible ;  one  of  a  strong  will  and  a  certain  energy, 
rarely  persistent  in  purpose  and  perpetually  the  sport  of  accident, 
with  a  hearty  enjoyment  of  the  pleasure  of  the  hour,  and  a  very 
reckless  indifference  as  to  the  price  to  be  paid  for  it.  If  I  looked 
out  on  my  acquaintances,  I  believed  I  saw  many  of  the  traits  I  was 
bent  on  depicting,  and  for  others  I  am  half  afraid  I  had  only  to 
take  a  peep  into  myself.  If  it  is  an  error,  then,  to  believe  that  in 
these  Confessions  I  have  ever  recorded  any  incidents  of  my  own 
life,  there  is  no  mistake  in  supposing  that — w-ithout  being  in  the  least 
aware  of  it — in  sketching  Harry  Lorrequer,  I  was  in  a  great  measure 
depicting  myself,  and  becoming,  allegorically,  an  autobiographist. 


iv  PREFA  CE. 

Here  is  a  confession  which,  if  thirty  odd  years  had  not  rolled 
over,  I  might  be  indisposed  to  make ;  but  time  has  enabled  me  to 
look  back  on  my  work,  and  even  on  myself  as  I  wrote  it,  with  a 
certain  degree  of  impartiality,  and  to  feel,  as  regards  both,  as  the 
great  Paley  said  a  man  feels  after  he  has  finished  his  dinner :  "  That 
he  might  have  done  better," 

It  is  perfectly  unnecessary  that  I  should  say  when  and  where  I 
wrote  these  sketches ;  no  thought  of  future  authorship  of  any  kind 
occurred  to  me,  far  less  did  I  dream  of  abandoning  my  profession 
as  a  physician  for  the  precarious  livelihood  of  the  pen.  Indeed, 
their  success,  such  as  it  was,  only  became  known  to  me  after  I  had 
left  Ireland  and  gone  to  live  abroad,  and  it  was  there — at  Brussels — 
my  publishers  wrote  to  me  to  request  a  continuance  of  my  Confes- 
sions, with  the  assurance  that  they  had  found  favor  Avith  the  world, 
and  flattering  notice  from  the  press.  Though  I  have  been  what  the 
sarcastic  French  moralist  called  "  blessed  with  a  bad  memory  "  all 
my  life,  I  can  still  recall  the  delight — I  cannot  call  it  less — with 
which  I  heard  that  my  attempt  at  authorship  was  successful.  I  did 
not  awake,  indeed,  "  to  find  myself  famous,"  but  I  well  remember 
the  thrill  of  triumphant  joy  with  which  I  read  the  letter  that  said 
"  Go  on,"  and  the  entrancing  ecstasy  I  felt  at  the  bare  possibility  of 
my  one  day  becoming  known  as  a  writer.  I  have  had  since  then 
some  moments  in  which  a  partial  success  has  made  me  very  happy 
and  very  grateful,  but  I  do  not  believe  that  all  these  put  together, 
or  indeed  any  possible  favor  the  world  might  mete  to  me,  would 
impart  a  tithe  of  the  enjoyment  I  felt  on  hearing  that  Harry  Lorre- 
quer  had  been  liked  by  the  public,  and  that  they  had  asked  for 
more  of  him. 

If  this  sort  of  thing  amuses  them,  I  thought,  I  can  go  on  forever ; 
and  believing  this  to  be  true,  I  launched  forth  with  all  that  prodigal 
waste  of  material  which,  if  it  forms  one  of  the  reasons  of  the  success, 
is,  strictly  speaking,  one  among  the  many  demerits  of  this  story. 
That  I  neither  husbanded  my  resources  nor  imagined  that  they  ever 
could  fail  me,  were  not  my  only  mistakes ;  and  I  am  tempted  to 
show  how  little  I  understood  of  the  responsibilities  of  authorship  by 
repeating  what  I  have  told  elsewhere,  an  incident  of  the  last  number 
of  Harry  Lorrequer.  The  MS.  which  contained  the  conclusion  of 
the  story  had  been  sent  through  the  Foreign  Office  bag  from  Brussels, 
and  possibly  had  been  mistaken  for  a  despatch.  At  all  events,  like 
King  Theodore's  letter,  it  had  been  thrown  to  one  side  and  foj- 


PRE  FACE.  V 

gotten.  In  this  strait  my  publishers  wrote  to  me  in  a  strain  that 
the  trade  alone  knows  how  to  employ  towards  an  unknown  author. 

Stung  by  the  reproaches — and  they  were  not  mild — of  my  cor- 
respondent, I  wrote  back,  enclosing  another  conclusion,  and  telling 
him  to  print  either  or  both,  as  he  pleased.  Years  after,  I  saw  the 
first  sent  MS.,  which  came  to  hand  at  last,  bound  in  my  publishers' 
library,  and  lettered  "  Another  ending  to  H.  L." 

When  the  great  master  of  fiction  condescended  to  inform  the 
world  on  what  small  fragments  of  tradition  or  local  anecdote  the 
Waverley  Novels  were  founded,  he  best  exalted  the  marvellous  skill 
of  his  own  handiwork  in  showing  how  genius  could  develop  the 
veriest  incident  of  a  life  into  a  story  of  surpassing  power  and  in- 
terest. I  have  no  such  secrets  to  reveal,  nor  have  I  the  faintest 
pretension  to  suppose  the  public  would  care  to  hear  about  the 
sources  from  which  I  drew  either  my  characters  or  my  incidents. 
I  have  seen,  however,  such  references  to  supposed  portraiture  of  in- 
dividuals in  this  story,  that  I  am  forced  to  declare  that  there  is  but 
one  character  in  the  book  of  which  the  original  had  any  existence, 
and  to  which  I  contributed  nothing  of  exaggeration.  This  is  Father 
Malachi  Brennan.  The  pleasant  priest  was  alive  when  I  wrote  the 
tale,  and  saw  himself  in  print,  and — worse  still — in  picture,  not,  I 
believe,  without  a  certain  mock  indignation,  for  he  was  too  racy  a 
humorist,  and  too  genuine  a  lover  of  fun,  to  be  really  angry  at  this 
caricature  of  him. 

The  amusing  author  of  "The  Wild  Sports  of  the  West"  (Hamil- 
ton Maxwell)  was  my  neighbor  in  the  little  watering-place 
where  I  was  living,  and  our  intimacy  was  not  the  less  close 
from  the  graver  character  of  the  society  around  us.  We  often  ex- 
changed our  experiences  of  Irish  character  and  life,  and  in  our 
gossipings  stories  were  told,  added  to,  and  amplified  in  such  a  way 
between  us,  that  I  believe  neither  of  us  could  have  pronounced  at 
last  who  gave  the  initiative  of  an  incident,  or  on  which  side  lay  the 
authorship  of  any  particular  event. 

It  would  have  been  well  had  our  intercourse  stopped  with  these 
confidences,  but  unfortunately  it  did  not.  We  often  indulged  in 
little  practical  jokes  on  our  more  well-conducted  neighbors,  and  I 
remember  that  the  old  soldier  from  whom  I  drew  some  of  the 
features  I  have  given  to  Colonel  Kamworth,  was  especially  the 
mark  of  these  harmless  pleasantries.  Our  Colonel  was  an  excellent 
fellow,  kind-hearted  and  hospitable,  but  so  infatuated  with  a  pro- 


Yi  PREFACE. 

pensity  to  meddle  with  every  one,  and  to  be  a  partner  to  the  joys, 
the  afflictions,  the  failures  or  the  successes  of  all  around  him,  that, 
with  the  best  possible  intentions  and  the  most  sincere  desire  to  be 
useful  to  his  neighbors,  he  became  the  cause  of  daily  misconcep- 
tions and  mistakes,  sowed  discord  where  he  meant  unity,  and,  in 
fact,  originated  more  trouble  and  more  distrust  than  the  most 
malevolent  mischief-maker  of  the  whole  country  side. 

I  am  forced  to  own  that  the  small  persecutions  with  which  my 
friend  Maxwell  and  myself  followed  the  worthy  Colonel,  the  wrong 
intelligence  with  which  we  supplied  him,  particularly  as  regarded 
the  rank  and  station  of  the  various  visitors  who  came  down  during 
the  bathing  season  ;  the  false  scents  on  which  we  sent  him,  and  the 
absurd  enterprises  on  which  we  embarked  him,  even  to  the  extent 
of  a  mock  address  which  induced  him  to  stand  for  the  "borough  "— 
the  address  to  the  constituency  being  our  joint  production— all  these 
follies,  I  say,  more  or  less  disposed  me,  I  feel  sure,  to  that  incessant 
flow  of  absurd  incident  which  runs  through  this  volume,  and  which, 
after  all,  has  really  little  other  than  the  reflex  of  our  daily  plottings 
and  contrivings. 

I  believe  my  old  friend  the  Colonel  is  still  living;  if  he  be,  and 
if  he  should  read  these  lines,  let  him  also  read  that  I  have  other 
memories  of  him  than  those  of  mere  jest  and  pleasantry — memories 
of  his  cordial  hospitality  and  genial  good  nature — and  that  there 
are  few  things  I  would  like  better  than  to  meet  and  talk  with  him 
over  bygones,  knowing  no  one  more  likely  to  relish  a  pleasant 
reminiscence  than  himself,  nor  more  certain  to  forgive  a  long-past 
liberty  taken  with  him. 

If  there  are  many  faults  and  blunders  in  this  tale  which  I  would 
willingly  correct,  if  there  be  much  that  I  would  curtail  or  cut  out 
altogether,  and  if  there  be  also  occasionally  incidents  of  which  I 
could  improve  the  telling,  I  am  held  back  from  any  attempts  of  this 
kind  by  the  thought  that  it  was  by  these  sketches,  such  as  they  are, 
I  first  won  that  hearing  from  tbe  public  which  for  more  than  thirty 
years  has  never  deserted  me,  and  that  the  favor  which  has  given  the 
chief  pride  and  interest  to  my  life  dates  from  the  day  I  was  known 
as  Harry  Lorrequer.  Having  given  up  the  profession  for  which,  I 
believe,  I  had  some  aptitude,  to  follow  the  precarious  life  of  a  writer, 
I  suppose  I  am  only  admitting  what  many  others  under  like  circum- 
stances might  declare,  that  I  have  had  my  moments,  and  more  than 
mere  moments,  of  doubt  and  misgiving  that  I  had  made  the  wiser 


PREFACE.  VU 

choice,  and  bating  tlie  intense  pleasure  an  occasional  success  has 
allbrdcd,  I  have  been  led  to  think  that  the  career  I  had  abandoned 
would  have  been  more  rewarding,  more  safe  from  reverses,  and  less 
exposed  to  those  variations  of  public  taste  which  are  the  terrors  of 
all  who  live  on  the  world's  favor. 

Strangely  enough,  it  is  my  old  doctorial  instinct  which  should 
suggest  the  consolation  to  this  passing  regret.  The  life  of  the  phy- 
sician has  nothing  so  thoroughly  rewarding,  nothing  so  cheering,  so 
full  of  hearty  encouragement,  as  in  the  occasional  friendships  to 
which  it  opens  the  way.  The  doctor  attains  to  a  degree  of  intimacy 
and  stands  on  a  footing  of  confidence  so  totally  exceptional,  that  if 
personal  qualities  lend  aid  to  the  position,  his  intercourse  becomes 
friendship.  Whether,  therefore,  my  old  career  gave  me  any  assist- 
ance in  new  roads,  whether  it  imparted  to  me  any  habits  of  investi- 
gation as  applicable  to  the  full  in  morals  as  to  matter,  it  certainly 
imparted  to  me  the  happy  accident  of  standing  on  good  terms  with — 
I  was  going  to  say — my  patient,  and  perhaps  no  better  word  could 
be  found  for  him  who  has  heard  me  so  long,  trusted  me  so  much, 
given  me  so  large  a  share  of  his  favor,  and  come  to  look  on  me  with 
such  friendliness.  It  would  be  the  worst  of  ingratitude  in  me  if  I 
did  not  own  that  I  owe  to  my  books  not  only  the  pleasant  intimacies 
of  my  life,  but  some  of  my  closest  friendships.  A  chance  expres- 
sion, a  fairly  shadowed  thought,  a  mere  chord  struck  at  random  by 
a  passing  hand,  as  it  were,  has  now  and  then  placed  me,  as  mesmer- 
ists call  it,  "eh  rapport  "  with  some  one  who  may  have  thought  long 
and  deeply  on  what  I  had  but  skimmed  over ;  and  straightway  there 
was  a  bond  between  us. 

No  small  satisfaction  has  it  been  to  me  occasionally  to  hear  that 
out  of  the  over-abundance  of  my  own  buoyancy  and  lighthearted- 
ness — and  I  had  a  great  deal  of  both  long  ago — I  have  been  able  to 
share  with  my  neighbor  and  given  him  part  of  my  sunshine,  and 
only  felt  the  warmer  myself.  A  great  writer — one  of  the  most  elo- 
quent historians  who  ever  illustrated  the  military  achievements  of 
his  country — once  told  me  that,  as  he  lay  sick  and  care-worn  after 
a  fever,  it  was  in  my  reckless  stories  of  soldier  life  he  found  the 
cheeriest  moments  of  his  solitude ;  and  now  let  me  hasten  to  say 
that  I  tell  this  in  no  spirit  of  boastfulncss,  but  with  the  heartfelt 
gratitude  of  one  who  gained  more  by  hearing  that  confession  than 
Harry  Lorrequer  ever  acquired  by  all  his  own. 


vm  PREFACE. 

If  to  go  over  again  tlie  pages  I  wrote  so  many  years  ago  is  in  a 
measure  to  revisit  in  age  the  loved  scenes  of  boyiiood,  and  to  ponder 
over  passages  the  very  spirit  of  whose  dictation  is  dead  and  gone, — 
if  all  this  has  its  sadness,  I  am  cheered  by  remembering  that  I  am 
still  addressing  many  old  and  dear  friends,  and  have  also  for  my 
audience  the  sons  and  grandsons,  and,  what  I  like  better,  the 
daughters  and  granddaughters,  of  those  who  once  listened  to  Harry 
Lorrequer. 

CHAELES  LEVER. 

Trieste,  1872. 


COKTEKTS. 


CHAPTER  PAOS 

I.— Akkival    in    Coek— Civic    Festivities— Private 

Theatricals, 11 

II. — Detachment    Duty — The    "Burton   Arms" — Cax- 

LONBY, 24 

III.— Life  at   Callonby— Love-making — Miss  O'Dowd's 

Adventure, 34 

IV.— Botanical  Studies— The  Natural  System  Prefer- 
able TO  the  Linn^an, 42 

v.— Puzzled — Explanation     Makes    Bad     Worse— A 

Duel, 45 

VI. — The  Priest's  Supper— Father  Malachi  and  the 

Coadjutor— Major  Jones  and  the  Abbe,  ...    65 
VII. — The  Lady's  Letter — Peter  and  his  Acquaintances 

—Too  Late, 71 

VIII.— Congratulations— Sick  Leave— How  to  Pass  the 

Board, 80 

IX.— The  Road— Travelling  Acquaintances— A  Packet 

Adventure, 85 

X.— Upset— Mind— And  Body, 90 

XI. — Cheltenham — Matrimonial  Adventure — Showing 

how  to  Make  Love  for  a  Friend, 95 

XII. — Dublin— Tom  O'Flaherty — A  Reminiscence  of  the 

Peninsula, 110 

XIII.— Dublin— The  Boarding-house— Select  Society,    .  121 

XIV.— The  Chase, 132 

XV.— Mems.  of  the  North  Cork, 144 

XVI.— Theatricals, 150 

XVII.— The  Wager, 158 

XVIII.— The  Elopement, 170 

XIX.— Detachment  Duty— An  Assize  Town, 174 

XX.— The  Assize  Town, 183 

XXL— A  Day  in  Dublin, 190 

XXII.— A  Night  at  IIowth, 196 

XXIII.— The  Journey, 201 


X  CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  PAGB 

XXIV.— Calais, 206 

XXV.— The  Gendakme, 214 

XXVI.— The  Inn  at  Chantraine, 224 

XXVII.— Mr.  O'Leary, 235 

XXVIII.— Paris, 244 

XXIX.— Paris,      254 

XXX.— Captain  Teevanion's  Adventure, 262 

XXXI.— Difficulties 269 

XXXII.— Explanation 273 

XXXIII.— Mr.  O'Leaey's  First  Love, 278 

XXXIV.— Mr.  O'Leary's  Second  Love, 285 

XXXV.— The  Duel, 293 

XXXVL— Early  Recollections— A  First  Love, 303 

XXXVII.— Wise  Resolves, 309 

XXXVIII.— The  Proposal, 314 

XXXIX.— Thoughts  upon  Matrimony  in  General,  and  the 
Army  in  Particular— The  Knight  of  Kerry 

AND  Billy  M'Cabe, 317 

XL.— A  Reminiscence, 321 

XLI.— The  Two  Letters 330 

XLII.— Mr.  O'Leary's  Capture 335 

XLIII.— The  Journey, 337 

XLIV.— The  Journey, 342 

XLV.— A  Reminiscence  of  the  East, 344 

XLVI.— A  Day  in  the  Phcenix, 348 

XLVIL— An  Adventure  in  Canada, 351 

XLVIIL— The  Courier's  Passport, 360 

XLIX.— A  Night  in  Strasbourg, 365 

L.— A  Surprise, 372 

LI.— Jack  Waller's  Story, 380 

LII.— Munich, 391 

LIII.— Inn  at  Munich,         394 

LIV.— The  Ball, 397 

LV.— A  Discovery, 403 

LVL— Conclusion, 413 


HARRY '  LORREQUER. 


CHAPTER  I. 

ARRIVAL  AT  CORK — CIVIC    FESTIVITIES — PRIVATE    THEATRICALS. 

IT  was  on  a  splendid  morning  in  the  autumn  of  the  year  181— 
that  the  Howard  transport,  with  four  liundred  of  his  Majesty's 
4 — th  Regiment,  dropped  anchor  in  the  picturesque  harbor  of 
Cork.  The  sea  shone  under  the  purple  light  of  the  rising  sun  with 
a  rich  rosy  hue,  beautifully  in  contrast  with  the  different  tints  of  the 
foliage  of  the  deep  woods  already  tinged  with  the  brown  of  autumn. 
Spike  Island  lay  "  sleeping  upon  its  broad  shadow,"  and  the  largo 
ensign  which  crowns  the  battery  was  wrapped  around  the  flagstaff, 
there  not  being  air  enough  to  stir  it.  It  was  still  so  early  that  but  few 
persons  were  abroad.  As  we  leaned  over  the  bulwarks,  and  looked 
now,  for  the  first  time  for  eight  long  years,  upon  British  ground,  many 
an  eye  filled,  and  many  a  heaving  breast  told  how  full  of  recollections 
that  short  moment  was,  and  how  different  our  feelings  from  the  gay 
buoyancy  with  which  we  had  sailed  from  that  same  harbor  for  the 
Peninsula;  many  of  our  best  and  bravest  had  we  left  behind  us,  and 
more  than  one  native  to  the  land  we  were  approaching  had  found 
his  last  rest  in  the  soil  of  the  stranger.  It  was,  then,  with  a  mingled 
sense  of  pain  and  pleasure  that  we  gazed  upon  that  peaceful  little 
village,  whose  white  cottages  lay  dotted  along  the  edge  of  the  harbor. 
The  moody  silence  our  thoughts  had  shed  over  us  was  soon  broken. 
The  preparations  for  disembarking  had  begun,  and  I  recollect  well 
to  this  hour  how,  shaking  off  the  load  that  oppressed  my  heart,  I 
descended  the  gangway,  humming  poor  Wolfe's  well-known  song: — 

"Why,  soldiers,  why 
Should  we  be  melancholy,  boys?" 

And  to  this  elasticity  of  spirits — whether  the  result  of  my  profession 
or  the  gift  of  God — as  Dogberry  has  it — I  know  not — I  owe  the 
greater  portion  of  the  happiness  I  have  enjoyed  in  a  life  whose 
changes  and  vicissitudes  have  equalled  most  men's. 

(11)  - 


12  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

Drawn  up  in  a  line  along  the  shore,  I  could  scarce  refrain  from  a 
smile  at  o^r .  a^pearancci  Four -weeks  on  board  a  transport  will 
certainly  not  •GontributS  mttch  to  the  personnel  of  any  unfortunate 
therein  confined ;  -but, in  addition  to  this,  you  must  take  into  account 
that  wf?''hii.d-'nQt*r^Q«!iVt;id  ntw  clothes  for  three  years — if  I  except 
caps  for  our  grenadiers,  originally  intended  for  a  Scotch  regiment, 
but  found  to  be  all  too  small  for  the  long-headed  generation.  Many 
a  patch  of  brown  and  gray  variegated  the  faded  scarlet  of  our 
uniform,  and  scarcely  a  pair  of  knees  in  the  entire  regiment  did  not 
confess  their  obligations  to  a  blanket.  But  with  all  this,  we  showed 
a  stout,  weather-beaten  front,  that  disposed  as  the  passer-by  might 
feel  to  laugh  at  our  expense,  very  little  caution  would  teach  him  it 
were  fully  as  safe  to  indulge  it  in  his  sleeve. 

The  bells  from  every  steeple  and  tower  rang  gayly  out  a  peal  of 
welcome  as  we  marched  into  "  that  beautiful  city  called  Cork,"  our 
band  playing  "  Garryowen" — for  we  had  been  originally  raised  in 
Ireland,  and  still  among  our  officers  maintained  a  strong  majority 
for  that  land  of  punch,  priests,  and  potatoes — the  tattered  flag  of  the 
regiment  proudly  waving  over  our  heads,  and  not  a  man  amongst 
us  whose  warm  heart  did  not  bound  behind  a  Waterloo  medal.  Well, 
well  I  I  am  now — alas !  that  I  should  say  it — somewhat  in  the  "  sere 
and  yellow ;"  and  I  confess,  after  the  exjDerience  of  some  moments 
of  high,  triumphant  feeling,  that  I  never  before  felt  within  me  the 
same  animating,  si)irit-filling  glow  of  delight  as  rose  within  my 
heart  that  day  as  I  marched  at  the  head  of  my  company  down 
George's  street. 

We  were  soon  settled  in  barracks ;  and  then  began  a  series  of 
entertainments  on  the  side  of  the  civic  dignities  of  Cork,  which  led 
most  of  us  to  believe  that  we  had  only  escaped  shot  and  shell  to  fall 
less  gloriously  beneath  champagne  and  claret.  I  do  not  believe 
there  is  a  coroner  in  the  island  who  would  have  pronounced  but  the 
one  verdict  over  the  regiment — "  Killed  by  the  mayor  and  corpora- 
tion," had  we  so  fallen. 

First  of  all,  we  were  dined  by  the  citizens  of  Cork — and,  to  do 
them  justice,  a  harder  drinking  set  of  gentlemen  no  city  need  boast; 
then  we  were  feasted  by  the  corporation ;  then  by  the  sheriffs ;  then 
came  the  mayor,  solus ;  then  an  address,  with  a  cold  collation,  that 
left  eight  of  us  on  the  sick-list  for  a  fortnight ;  but  the  climax  of 
all  was  a  grand  entertainment  given  in  the  Mansion  House,  and  to 
which  upwards  of  two  thousand  were  invited.  It  was  a  species  of 
fancy  ball,  beginning  by  a  d^'jcuncr  at  three  o'clock  in  the  afternoon, 
and  ending — I  never  yet  met  the  man  who  could  tell  wlicn  it  ended  I 
As  for  myself,  my  Jinale  partook  a  little  of  the  adventurous,  and  I 
may  as  well  relate  it. 


ARRIVAL  IN  CORK.  13 

After  waltzing  for  about  an  hour  with  one  of  the  prettiest  girls  I 
ever  set  eyes  upon,  and  getting  a  tender  squeeze  of  the  hand,  as  I 
restored  her  to  a  most  affable-looking  old  lady  in  a  blue  turban  and 
a  red  velvet  gown,  who  smiled  benignly  at  me,  and  called  me 
"  MeejoT,"  I  retired, to  recruit  for  a  new  attack,  to  a  small  table,  where 
three  of  ours  were  quafRng  ponche  d  la  liomahie,  with  a  crowd  of 
Corkagians  about  them,  eagerly  inquiring  after  some  heroes  of  their 
own  city,  whose  deeds  of  arms  they  were  surprised  did  not  obtain 
81)ecial  mention  from  "  the  Duke."  I  soon  ingratiated  myself  into 
this  well-occupied  clique,  and  dosed  them  with  glory  to  their  hearts' 
content.  I  resolved  at  once  to  enter  into  their  humor ;  and  as  the 
"  ponche"  mounted  up  to  my  brain,  I  gradually  found  my  acquain- 
tanceship extend  to  every  family  and  connection  in  the  country. 

"  Did  ye  know  Phil  Beamish  of  the  3 — th,  sir?"  said  a  tall,  red- 
faced,  red-whiskered,  well-looking  gentleman,  who  bore  no  slight 
resemblance  to  Feargus  O'Connor. 

"  Phil  Beamish  I"  said  I.  "  Indeed  I  did,  sir,  and  do  still ;  and 
there  is  not  a  man  in  the  British  army  I  am  prouder  of  knowing." 
Here,  by  the  way,  I  may  mention  that  I  never  heard  the  name  till 
that  moment. 

"  You  don't  say  so,  sir?"  said  Feargus — for  so  I  must  call  him,  for 
shortness'  sake.     "  Has  he  any  chance  of  the  company  yet,  sir?" 

"  Company  I"  said  I,  in  astonishment.  "  He  obtained  his  majority 
three  months  since.  You  cannot  possibly  have  heard  from  him 
lately,  or  you  would  have  known  that  ?" 

"  That's  true,  sir,  I  never  heard  since  he  quitted  tbe  3 — th  to  go 
to  Versailles,  I  think  they  call  it,  for  his  health.  But  how  did  he 
get  the  step,  sir?" 

"  Why,  as  to  the  company,  that  was  remarkable  enough  !"  said  I, 
quaffing  off  a  tumbler  of  champagne  to  assist  my  invention.  "  You 
know  it  was  about  four  o'clock  in  the  afternoon  of  the  18th  that 
Napoleon  ordered  Grouchy  to  advance  with  the  first  and  second 
brigade  of  the  Old  Guard  and  two  regiments  of  chasseurs,  and  attack 
the  position  occupied  by  Picton  and  the  regiments  under  his  com- 
mand. Well,  sir,  on  they  came,  masked  by  the  smoke  of  a  terrific 
discharge  of  artillery,  stationed  on  a  small  eminence  to  our  left,  and 
which  did  tremendous  execution  among  our  poor  fellows, — on  they 
came,  sir,  and  as  the  smoke  cleared  partially  away,  we  got  a  glimpse 
of  them,  and  a  more  dangerous-looking  set  I  should  not  desire  to 
see— grizzly-bearded,  hard-featured,  bronzed  fellows,  about  five-and- 
thirty  or  forty  years  of  age;  their  beauty  not  a  whit  improved  by 
the  red  glare  thrown  upon  their  faces  and  along  the  whole  line  by 
each  flash  of  the  long  twenty-fours  tliat  wore  playing  away  to  the 
right.     Just  at  this  moment  Picton  rode  down  the  line  with  his  staff. 


14  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

and  stopping  within  a  few  paces  of  me,  said,  '  Tliej''re  coming  up. 
Steady,  boys — steady  now;  we  shall  have  something  to  do  soon.' 
And  then,  turning  sharply  round,  he  looked  in  the  direction  of  the 
French  battery,  that  was  thundering  away  again  in  full  force,  '  Ah, 
that  must  be  silenced,'  said  he.     '  Where's  Beamish? ' " 

"  Says  Picton !"  interrupted  Feargus,  his  eyes  starting  from  their 
sockets,  and  his  mouth  growing  wider  every  moment,  as  he  listened 
with  the  most  intense  interest. 

"  Yes,"  said  I,  slowly.  And  then,  with  all  the  provoking  noncha- 
lance of  an  Italian  improvisatore,  who  always  halts  at  the  most 
exciting  point  of  his  narrative,  I  begged  a  listener  near  me  to  fill  my 
glass  from  the  iced  punch  beside  him.  Not  a  sound  was  heard  as  I 
lifted  the  bumper  to  my  lips  ;  all  were  breathless  in  their  wound-up 
anxiety  to  hear  of  their  countryman  who  had  been  selected  by 
Picton — for  what,  too,  they  knew  not  yet,  and,  indeed,  at  that 
instant  I  did  not  know  myself,  and  nearly  laughed  outright,  for  the 
two  of  ours  who  had  remained  at  the  table  had  so  well  employed 
their  interval  of  ease  as  to  become  very  pleasantly  drunk,  and  were 
listening  to  my  confounded  story  with  all  the  gravity  and  seriousness 
in  the  world. — "  '  Where's  Beamish  ?'  said  Picton.  '  Here,  sir,'  said 
Phil,  stepping  out  from  the  line,  and  touching  his  cap  to  tlie  general, 
who,  taking  him  apart  for  a  few  minutes,  spoke  to  him  with  great 
animation.  We  did  not  know  what  he  said;  but  before  five  minutes 
were  over,  there  was  Phil  with  three  companies  of  light-bobs  drawn 
up  at  our  left ;  their  muskets  at  the  charge,  they  set  oiF  at  a  round 
trot  down  the  little  steep  which  closed  our  flank.  We  had  not  much 
time  to  follow  their  movements,  for  our  own  amusement  soon  began; 
but  I  well  remember,  after  repelling  the  French  attack,  and  standing 
in  square  against  two  heavy  charges  of  cuirassiers,  the  first  thing  I 
saw,  where  the  French  battery  had  stood,  was  Phil  Beamish  and 
about  a  handful  of  brave  fellows,  all  that  remained  from  the  skir- 
mish. He  captured  two  of  the  enemy's  field  pieces,  and  was  '  Captain 
Beamish'  on  the  day  after. 

"  Long  life  to  him  !"  said  at  least  a  dozen  voices  behind  and  about 
me,  while  a  general  clinking  of  decanters  and  smacking  of  lips 
betokened  that  Phil's  health  with  all  the  honors  was  being  cele- 
brated. For  myself,  I  was  really  so  engrossed  by  my  narrative,  and 
so  excited  by  the  "  ponche,"  tluit  I  saw  or  heard  very  little  of  what 
was  passing  around,  and  have  only  a  kind  of  dim  recollection  of 
being  seized  by  the  hand  by  "  Feargus,"  who  was  Beamish's  brother, 
and  who,  in  the  fullness  of  liis  heart,  would  have  hugged  mc  to  his 
breast,  if  I  had  not  opportunely  been  so  overpowered  as  to  fall  sense- 
less under  the  table. 

When  I  first  returned  to  consciousness,  I  found  myself  lying 


ARRIVAL  IN  CORK.  15 

exactly  where  I  had  fallen.  Around  me  lay  heaps  of  slain — tho 
two  of  "ours"  amongst  the  number.  One  of  them — I  remember 
he  was  the  adjutant — held  in  his  hand  a  wax  candle  (two  to  the 
pound).  Whether  he  had  himself  seized  it  in  the  enthusiasm  of 
my  narrative  of  flood  and  field,  or  it  had  been  put  there  by  another, 
I  know  not,  but  he  certainly  cut  a  droll  figure.  The  room  we  were 
in  was  a  small  one  oif  the  great  saloon,  and  through  the  half-open 
folding-door  I  could  clearly  perceive  that  the  festivities  were  still 
continued.  The  crash  of  fiddles  and  French  horns,  and  the  tramp 
of  feet,  which  had  lost  much  of  their  elasticity  since  the  entertain- 
ment began,  rang  through  my  ears,  mingled  with  the  sounds  "Down 
the  middle,"  "  Hands  across,"  "  Here's  your  partner,  captain."  What 
hour  of  the  night  or  morning  it  then  was,  I  could  not  guess ;  but  cer- 
tainly the  vigor  of  the  party  seemed  little  abated,  if  I  might  judge 
from  the  specimen  before  me,  and  the  testimony  of  a  short  plethoric 
gentleman,  who  stood  wiping  his  bald  head,  after  conducting  his 
partner  down  twenty-eight  couples,  and  who,  turning  to  his  friend, 
said,  "  Oh, the  distance  is  nothing,  but  it  is  the  pace  that  kills." 

The  first  evidence  I  showed  of  any  return  to  reason  was  a  strong 
anxiety  to  be  at  my  quarters ;  but  how  to  get  there  I  knew  not.  The 
faint  glimmering  of  sense  I  possessed  told  me  that  "to  stand  was  to 
fall,"  and  I  was  ashamed  to  go  on  all  fours,  which  prudence  sug- 
gested. 

At  this  moment  I  remembered  I  had  brought  with  me  my  cane, 
which,  from  a  perhaps  pardonable  vanity,  I  was  fond  of  parading. 
It  was  a  present  from  the  officers  of  my  regiment — many  of  them, 
alas  I  since  dead — and  had  a  most  splendid  gold  head,  with  a  stag  at 
the  top — the  arms  of  the  regiment.  This  I  would  not  have  lost  for 
any  consideration  I  can  mention ;  and  this  now  was  gone  I  I  looked 
around  me  on  every  side ;  I  groped  beneath  the  table ;  I  turned  tho 
sleeping  sots  who  lay  about  in  no  very  gentle  fashion ;  but,  alas ! 
it  was  gone.  I  sprang  to  my  feet,  and  only  then  remembered  how 
unfit  I  was  to  follow  up  the  search,  as  tables,  chairs,  lights,  and 
people  seemed  all  rocking  and  waving  before  me.  However,  I  suc- 
ceeded in  making  my  way  through  one  room  into  another,  sometimes 
guiding  my  steps  along  the  walls ;  and  once,  as  I  recollect,  striking 
the  diagonal  of  a  room,  I  bisected  a  quadrille  with  such  ill-directed 
speed,  as  to  run  foul  of  a  Cork  dandy  and  his  partner  who  were  just 
performing  the  "en  avant:"  but  though  I  saw  them  lie  tumbled  in 
the  dust  by  the  shock  of  my  encounter — for  I  had  upset  them — I 
still  held  on  the  even  tenor  of  my  way.  In  fact,  I  had  feeling  for  but 
one  loss  ;  and,  still  in  pursuit  of  my  cane,  I  reached  the  hall-door. 
Now,  be  it  known  that  the  architecture  of  the  Cork  Mansion  House 
baa  but  one  fault,  but  that  fault  is  a  grand  one,  and  a  strong  evi- 


16  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

dence  of  how  unsuited  English  architects  are  to  provide  buildings  for 
a  people  whose  tastes  and  habits  they  but  imperfectly  understand — 
be  it  known  then,  that  the  descent  from  the  hall-door  to  the  street 
was  by  a  flight  of  twelve  stone  steps.  How  I  should  ever  get  down 
these  was  now  my  difficulty.  If  FalstafF  deplored  "  eight  yards  of 
uneven  ground  as  being  three  score  and  ten  miles  a  foot,"  with 
equal  truth  did  I  feel  that  these  twelve  awful  steps  were  worse  to 
me  than  would  be  M'Gillicuddy's  Eeeks  in  the  daylight,  and  with  a 
head  clear  from  champagne. 

While  I  yet  hesitated,  the  problem  resolved  itself;  for,  gazing 
down  upon  the  bright  gravel,  brilliantly  lighted  by  the  surrounding 
lamps,  I  lost  my  balance,  and  came  tumbling  and  rolling  from  top 
to  bottom,  where  I  fell  upon  a  large  mass  of  some  soft  substance,  to 
which,  in  all  probability,  I  owe  my  life.  In  a  few  seconds  I  re- 
covered my  senses,  and  what  was  my  surprise  to  find  that  the  downy 
cushion  beneath  snored  most  audibly  1  I  moved  a  little  to  one  side, 
and  then  discovered  that  in  reality  it  was  nothing  less  than  an  alder- 
man of  Cork,  who,  from  his  position,  I  concluded  had  shared  the 
same  fate  with  myself.  There  he  lay,  "  like  a  warrior  taking  his 
rest,"  but  not  with  his  "martial  cloak  around  him,"  but  a  much 
more  comfortable  and  far  more  costly  robe — a  scarlet  gown  of  office, 
with  huge  velvet  cuffs  and  a  great  cape  of  the  same  material.  True 
courage  consists  in  presence  of  mind ;  and  here  mine  came  to  my 
aid  at  once.  Recollecting  the  loss  I  had  just  sustained,  and  per- 
ceiving that  all  was  still  about  me,  with  that  right  Peninsular 
maxim,  that  reprisals  are  fair  in  an  enemy's  camp,  I  proceeded  to 
strip  the  slain;  and  with  some  little  difficulty — partly, indeed,  owing 
to  my  own  unsteadiness  on  my  legs — I  succeeded  in  denuding  the 
worthy  alderman,  who  gave  no  other  sign  of  life  during  the  opera- 
tion than  an  abortive  efibrt  to  "  hip,  hip,  hurrah  1"  in  which  I  left 
him,  having  put  on  the  spoil,  and  set  out  on  my  way  to  the  barrack 
with  as  much  dignity  of  manner  as  I  could  assume  in  honor  of  my 
costume.  And  here  I  may  mention  (in  a  parenthesis)  that  a  more 
comfortable  morning-gown  no  man  ever  possessed,  and  in  its  wide 
luxuriant  folds  I  revel  while  I  write  these  lines. 

When  I  awoke  on  the  following  day,  I  had  considerable  difficulty 
in  tracing  the  events  of  the  past  evening.  The  great  scarlet  cloak, 
however,  unravelled  much  of  the  mystery,  and  gradually  the  whole 
of  my  career  became  clear  before  me,  with  the  single  exception  of 
the  episode  of  Phil  Beamish,  about  which  my  memory  was  subse- 
quently refreshed.  But  I  anticipate.  Only  five  appeared  that  day 
at  mess ;  and.  Lord  1  what  spectres  they  were  I — yellow  as  guineas. 
They  called  for  soda  water  without  ceasing,  and  scarcely  spoke  a 
word  to  each  other.    It  was  plain  that  the  corporation  of  Cork  was 


ARRIVAL  IN  CORK.  17 

committing  more  havoc  among  us  than  Corunna  or  Waterloo,  and 
that  if  we  did  not  change  our  quarters,  there  would  be  quick  promo- 
tion in  the  corps  for  such  as  were  "  seasoned  gentlemen."  After  a 
day  or  two  we  again  met  together,  and  then,  what  adventures  were 
told  I — each  man  had  his  own  story  to  narrate ;  and  from  the  occur- 
rences detailed,  one  would  have  supposed  years  had  been  passing 
instead  of  the  short  hours  of  an  evening  party.  Mine  were,  indeed, 
among  the  least  remarkable ;  but  I  confess  that  the  air  of  vraisem- 
blance  produced  by  my  production  of  the  aldermanic  gown  gave  me 
the  palm  above  all  competitors. 

Such  was  our  life  in  Cork — dining,  drinking,  dancing,  riding, 
steeple-chasing,  pigeon-shooting,  and  tandem-driving — filling  up 
any  little  interval  that  was  found  to  exist  between  a  late  breakfast 
and  the  time  to  dress  for  dinner ;  and  here  I  hope  I  shall  not  be 
accused  of  a  tendency  to  boasting,  while  I  add,  that  among  all  ranks 
and  degrees  of  men,  and  women  too,  there  never  was  a  regiment 
more  highly  in  estimation  than  the  4— th.  We  felt  the  full  value 
of  all  the  attentions  we  were  receiving,  and  we  endeavored  as  best 
we  might  to  repay  them.  We  got  up  garrison  balls  and  garrison 
plays,  and  usually  performed  once  or  twice  a  week  during  the  winter. 
Here  I  shone  conspicuously.  In  the  morning  I  was  employed  paint- 
ing scenery  and  arranging  the  properties ;  as  it  grew  later,  I  regu- 
lated the  lamps  and  looked  after  the  footlights,  mediating  occa- 
sionally between  angry  litigants,  whose  jealousies  abound  to  the 
full  as  much  in  private  theatricals  as  in  the  regular  corps  dramaiique. 
Then,  I  was  also  leader  in  the  orchestra ;  and  had  scarcely  given  the 
last  scrape  in  the  overture  before  I  was  obliged  to  appear  to  speak 
the  prologue.  Such  are  the  cares  of  greatness.  To  do  myself  justice, 
I  did  not  dislike  them ;  though,  to  be  sure,  my  taste  for  the  drama 
did  cost  me  a  little  dear,  as  will  be  seen  in  the  sequel. 

We  were  then  in  the  full  career  of  popularity — our  balls  pro- 
nounced the  very  pleasantest,  our  plays  far  superior  to  any  regular 
corps  that  had  ever  honored  Cork  with  their  talents — when  an  event 
occurred  which  threw  a  gloom  over  all  our  proceedings,  and  finally 
put  a  stop  to  every  project  for  amusement  we  had  so  completely 
given  ourselves  up  to.  This  was  no  less  than  the  removal  of  our 
Lieutenant-Colonel.  After  thirty  years  of  active  service  in  the 
regiment  he  then  commanded,  his  age  and  infirmities,  increased  by 
some  severe  wounds,  demanded  ease  and  repose ;  he  retired  from  us 
bearing  along  with  him  the  love  and  regard  of  every  man  in  the 
regiment.  To  the  old  officers  he  was  endeared  by  long  companion- 
ship and  undeviating  friendship ;  to  the  young,  he  was  in  every 
respect  as  a  father,  assisting  by  his  advice  and  guiding  by  his 
counsel ;  while  to  the  men,  the  best  estimate  of  his  worth  appeared 
-      2 


18  EARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

in  the  fact  that  corporal  punishment  was  unknown  in  the  corps. 
Such  was  the  man  we  lost ;  and  it  may  well  be  supposed  that  his 
successor,  whoever  or  whatever  he  might  be,  came  under  circum- 
stances of  no  common  difficulty  amongst  us ;  but  when  I  tell  that 
our  new  Lieutenant-Colonel  was  in  every  respect  his  opposite,  it 
may  be  believed  how  little  cordiality  he  met  with. 

Lieutenant-Colonel  Carden — for  so  I  shall  call  him,  although  not 
his  real  name — had  not  been  a  month  at  quarters  when  he  proved 
himself  a  regular  martinet;  everlasting  drills,  continual  reports, 
fatigue  parties,  ball  practice,  and  Heaven  knows  what  besides, 
superseded  our  former  morning's  occupation ;  and,  at  the  end  of  the 
time  I  have  mentioned,  we,  who  had  fought  our  way  from  Albuera 
to  Waterloo,  under  some  of  the  severest  generals  of  division,  were 
pronounced  a  most  disorderly  and  ill-disciplined  regiment,  by  a 
colonel  who  had  never  seen  a  shot  fired  but  at  a  review  at  Hounslow 
or  a  sham  battle  in  the  Fifteen  Acres.  The  winter  was  now  draw- 
ing to  a  close — already  some  little  touch  of  spring  was  appearing — 
as  our  last  play  for  the  season  was  announced,  and  every  effort  to 
close  with  some  little  additional  6clat  was  made ;  and  each  performer 
in  the  expected  piece  was  nerving  himself  for  an  effort  beyond  his 
wont.  The  Colonel  had  most  unequivocally  condemned  these  plays ; 
but  that  mattered  not — they  came  not  within  his  jurisdiction — and 
we  took  no  notice  of  his  displeasure  further  than  sending  him  tickets, 
which  were  as  immediately  returned  as  received.  For  being  the 
chief  offender  I  had  become  particularly  obnoxious ;  and  he  had 
upon  more  than  one  occasion  expressed  his  desire  for  an  opportunity 
to  visit  me  with  his  vengeance ;  but  being  aware  of  his  kind  inten- 
tions towards  me,  I  took  particular  care  to  let  no  such  opportunity 
occur. 

On  the  morning  in  question,  then,  I  had  scarcely  left  my  quarters 
when  one  of  my  brother  officers  informed  me  that  the  Colonel  had 
made  a  great  uproar,  that  one  of  the  bills  of  the  play  had  been  put 
up  on  his  door — which,  with  his  avowed  dislike  to  such  representa- 
tions, he  considered  as  intended  to  insult  him ;  he  added,  too,  that 
the  Colonel  attributed  it  to  me.  In  this,  however,  he  was  wrong — 
and  to  this  hour  I  never  knew  who  did  it.  I  had  little  time,  and 
still  less  inclination,  to  meditate  upon  the  Colonel's  wrath — the 
theatre  had  all  my  thoughts  ;  and  indeed  it  was  a  day  of  no  common 
exertion,  for  our  amusements  were  to  conclude  with  a  grand  supper 
on  the  stage,  to  which  all  the  dite  of  Cork  were  invited.  Wherever 
I  went  through  the  city — and  many  were  my  peregrinations — the 
great  placard  of  the  play  stared  me  in  the  face ;  and  every  gate  and 
shuttered  window  in  Cork  proclaimed  "  The  part  of  Othello  by  Mr. 
Lorrequer." 


ARRIVAL  IN  CORK.  19 

As  evening  drew  near,  my  cares  and  occupations  were  redoubled. 
My  lago  I  had  fears  for — 'tis  true  he  was  an  admirable  Lord  Griz- 
zle in  Tom  Thumb — but  then — then  I  had  to  paint  the  whole  com- 
pany, and  bear  all  their  abuse  besides,  for  not  making  some  of  the 
most  ill-looking  wretches  perfect  ApoUos ;  but,  last  of  all,  I  was  sent 
for,  at  a  quarter  to  seven,  to  lace  Desdemona's  stays.  Start  not, 
gentle  reader;  my  fair  Desdemona — she  "who  might  lie  by  an  em- 
peror's side  and  command  him  tasks" — was  no  other  than  the 
senior  lieutenant  of  the  regiment,  and  who  was  as  great  a  votary  of 
the  jolly  god  as  honest  Cassio  himself.  But  I  must  hasten  on ;  I 
cannot  delay  to  recount  our  successes  in  detail.  Let  it  suffice  to 
say,  that,  by  universal  consent,  I  was  preferred  to  Kean ;  and  the 
only  fault  the  most  critical  observer  could  find  to  the  representative 
of  Desdemona,  was  a  rather  unladylike  fondness  for  snuflf.  But 
whatever  little  demerits  our  acting  might  have  displayed  were 
speedily  forgotten  in  a  champagne  supper.  There  I  took  the  head 
of  the  table  ;  and  in  the  costume  of  the  noble  Moor,  toasted,  made 
speeches,  returned  thanks,  and  sang  songs,  till  I  might  have  exclaimed 
with  Othello  himself,  "  Chaos  is  come  again ;"  and  I  believe  I  owe 
my  ever  reaching  the  barrack  that  night  to  the  kind  offices  of  Des- 
demona, who  carried  me  the  greater  part  of  the  way  on  her  back. 

The  first  waking  thoughts  of  him  who  has  indulged  over-night  are 
not  among  the  most  blissful  of  existence,  and  certainly  the  ple:isure 
is  not  increased  by  the  consciousness  that  he  is  called  on  to  the  dis- 
charge of  duties  to  which  a  fevered  pulse  and  throbbing  temples  are 
but  ill  suited.  My  sleep  was  suddenly  broken  in  upon  the  morning 
after  the  play  by  a  "  row-dow-dow "  beat  beneath  my  window,  I 
jumped  hastily  from  my  bed  and  looked  out,  and  there,  to  my  hor- 
ror, perceived  the  regiment  under  arms.  It  was  one  of  our  con- 
founded Colonel's  morning  drills ;  and  there  he  stood  himself,  with 
the  poor  adjutant  who  had  been  up  all  night,  shivering  beside  him. 
Some  two  or  three  of  the  officers  had  descended,  and  the  drum  was 
now  summoning  the  others  as  it  beat  round  the  barrack-square.  I 
saw  there  was  not  a  moment  to  lose,  and  proceeded  to  dress  with  all 
despatch ;  but,  to  my  misery,  I  discovered  everywhere  nothing  but 
theatrical  robes  and  decorations — there,  lay  a  splendid  turban,  here, 
a  pair  of  buskins — a  spangled  jacket  glittered  on  one  table,  and  a 
jeweled  scimitar  on  the  other.  At  last  I  detected  my  "regimental 
small-clothes,"  most  ignominiously  thrust  into  a  corner  in  my  ardor 
for  my  Moorish  robes  the  preceding  evening. 

I  dressed  myself  with  the  speed  of  lightning ;  but  as  I  proceeded 
in  my  occupation,  guess  my  annoyance  to  find  that  the  toilet-tablo 
and  glass,  ay,  and  even  the  basiii-stand,  had  been  removed  to  the 
dressing-room  of  the  theatre ;  and  my  servant,  I  suppose,  following 


20  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

his  master's  example,  was  too  tipsy  to  remember  to  bring  them 
back,  so  that  I  was  unable  to  procure  the  luxury  of  cold  water ;  and 
now  not  a  moment  more  remained ;  the  drum  had  ceased,  and  the 
men  had  all  fallen  in.  Hastily  drawing  on  my  coat,  I  put  on  my 
shako,  and  buckling  on  my  belt  as  dandy-like  as  might  be,  hurried 
down  the  stairs  to  the  barrack-yard.  By  the  time  I  got  down,  the 
men  were  all  drawn  up  in  line  along  the  square,  while  the  adjutant 
was  proceeding  to  examine  their  accoutrements,  as  he  passed  down. 
The  Colonel  and  the  officers  were  standing  in  a  group,  but  not  con- 
versing. The  anger  of  the  commanding  officer  appeared  still  to 
continue,  and  there  was  a  dead  silence  maintained  on  both  sides. 
To  reach  the  spot  where  they  stood  I  had  to  pass  along  part  of  the 
line.  In  doing  so,  how  shall  I  convey  my  amazement  at  the  faces 
that  met  me — a  general  titter  ran  along  the  entire  rank,  which  not 
even  their  fears  for  consequences  seemed  able  to  repress,  for  an  effort 
on  the  part  of  many  to  stifle  the  laugh,  only  ended  in  a  still  louder 
burst  of  merriment.  I  looked  to  the  far  side  of  the  yard  for  an 
explanation,  but  there  was  nothing  there  to  account  for  it.  I  now 
crossed  over  to  where  the  officers  were  standing,  determining  in  my 
own  mind  to  investigate  the  occurrence  thoroughly,  when  free  from 
the  presence  of  the  Colonel,  any  representation  of  ill  conduct  to 
whom  always  brought  a  punishment  far  exceeding  the  merits  of  the 
case. 

Scarcely  had  I  formed  this  resolve,  when  I  reached  the  group  of 
officers,  but  the  moment  I  came  near,  one  general  roar  of  laughter 
saluted  me,  the  like  of  which  I  never  before  heard.  I  looked  down 
at  my  costume,  expecting  to  discover  that,  in  my  hurry  to  dress,  I 
had  put  on  some  of  the  garments  of  Othello.  No:  all  was  perfectly 
correct.  I  waited  for  a  moment,  till,  the  first  burst  of  their  merri- 
ment over,  I  should  obtain  a  clue  to  the  jest.  But  there  seemed  no 
prospect  of  this,  for,  as  I  stood  patiently  before  them,  their  mirth 

appeared  to  increase.     Indeed,  poor  G ,  the  senior  major,  one  of 

the  gravest  men  in  Europe,  laughed  till  the  tears  ran  down  his 
cheeks;  and  such  was  the  eflect  upon  me,  that  I  was  induced  to 
laugh  too — as  men  will  sometimes,  from  the  infectious  nature  of 
that  strange  emotion  ;  but  no  sooner  did  I  do  this,  than  their  fun 
knew  no  bounds,  and  some  almost  screamed  aloud  in  the  excess  of 
their  merriment.  Just  at  this  instant  the  Colonel,  who  had  been 
examining  some  of  the  men,  approached  our  group,  advancing  with 
an  air  of  evident  displeasure,  as  the  shouts  of  laughter  continued. 
As  he  came  up,  I  turned  hastily  round,  and  touching  my  cap, 
wished  him  good  morning.  Never  shall  I  forget  the  look  he  gavo 
me.  If  a  glance  could  have  annihilated  any  man,  his  would  have 
finished  me.     For  a  moment  his  face  became  purple  with  rage,  his 


ARRIVAL  IN  CORK.  21 

eye  was  almost  hid  beneath  his  bent  brow,  and  he  absolutely  shook 
with  passion. 

"  Go,  sir,"  said  he  at  length,  as  soon  as  he  was  able  to  find  utter- 
ance for  his  words — "  go,  sir,  to  your  quarters ;  and  before  you  leave 
them,  a  court-martial  shall  decide  if  such  continued  insult  to  your 
commanding  officer  warrants  your  name  being  in  the  Army  List." 

"  What  the  devil  can  all  this  mean?"  I  said,  in  a  half-whisper, 
turning  to  the  others.  But  there  they  stood,  their  handkerchiefs  to 
their  mouths,  and  evidently  choking  with  suppressed  laughter. 

"  May  I  beg,  Colonel  Garden,"  said  I 

"  To  your  quarters,  sir,"  roared  the  little  man  in  the  voice  of  a 
lion.  And  with  a  haughty  wave  of  his  hand,  he  prevented  all 
further  attempt  ou  my  part  to  seek  explanation. 

"  They're  all  mad,  every  man  of  them,"  I  muttered,  as  I  betook 
myself  slowly  back  to  my  rooms,  amid  the  same  evidences  of  mirth 
my  first  appearance  had  excited — which  even  the  Colonel's  presence, 
feared  as  he  was,  could  not  entirely  subdue. 

With  the  air  of  a  martyr  I  trod  heavily  up  the  stairs,  and  entered 
my  quarters,  meditating  within  myself  awful  schemes  for  vengeance 
on  the  now  open  tyranny  of  my  Colonel,  upon  whom  I,  too,  in  my 
honest  rectitude  of  heart,  vowed  to  have  a  "  court-martial."  I 
threw  myself  upon  a  chair,  and  endeavored  to  recollect  what  cir- 
cumstances of  the  past  evening  could  have  possibly  suggested  all 
the  mirth  in  which  both  officers  and  men  seemed  to  participate 
equally ;  but  nothing  could  I  remember  capable  of  solving  the 
mystery :  surely  the  cruel  wrongs  of  the  manly  Othello  were  no 
laughter-moving  subject. 

I  rang  the  bell  hastily  for  my  servant.     The  door  opened. 

"Stubbes,"  said  I,  "  are  you  aware " 

I  had  only  got  so  far  in  my  question,  when  my  servant,  one  of 
the  most  discreet  of  men,  put  on  a  broad  grin,  and  turned  away 
towards  the  door  to  hide  his  face. 

"  What  the  devil  does  this  mean  ?"  said  I,  stamping  with  passion ; 
"he  is  as  bad  as  the  rest.  Stubbes"— and  this  I  spoke  with  the 
most  grave  and  severe  tone — "  what  is  the  meaning  of  this  inso- 
lence?" 

"Oh,  sir,"  said  the  man— "oh,  sir,  surely  you  did  not  appear  on 
parade  with  that  face  ?"  And  then  he  burst  into  a  fit  of  the  most 
uncontrollable  laughter. 

Like  lightning  a  horrid  doubt  shot  across  my  mind.  I  sprang 
over  to  the  dressing-glass,  which  had  been  replaced,  and  oh  I  horror 
of  horrors!  there  I  stood  as  black  as  the  king  of  Ashantee.  The 
cursed  dye  which  I  had  put  on  for  Othello,  I  had  never  washed  off; 
and  there,  with  a  huge  bearskin  shako,  and  a  pair  of  dark  bushy 


22  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

whiskers,  shone  my  huge,  black,  and  polished  visage,  glowering  at 
itself  in  the  looking-glass. 

My  first  impulse,  after  amazement  had  a  little  subsided,  was  to 
laugh  immoderately ;  in  this  I  was  joined  by  Stubbes,  who,  feeling 
that  his  mirth  was  participated  in,  gave  full  vent  to  his  risibility. 
And,  indeed,  as  I  stood  before  the  glass,  grinning  from  ear  to  ear,  I 
felt  very  little  surprise  that  my  joining  in  the  laughter  of  my  brother 
officers,  a  short  time  before,  had  caused  an  increase  of  their  merri- 
ment. I  threw  myself  upon  a  sofa,  and  absolutely  laughed  till  my 
sides  ached,  when,  the  door  opening,  the  adjutant  made  his  appear- 
ance. He  looked  for  a  moment  at  me,  then  at  Stubbes,  and  then 
burst  out  himself,  as  loud  as  either  of  us.  When  he  had  at  length 
recovered  himself,  he  wiped  his  face  with  his  handkerchief,  and 
said,  with  a  tone  of  much  gravity, — 

"  But,  my  dear  Lorrequer,  this  will  be  a  serious — a  devilish  serious 
affair.  You  know  what  kind  of  a  man  Colonel  Garden  is ;  and  you 
are  aware,  too,  you  are  not  one  of  his  prime  favorites.  He  is  firmly 
persuaded  that  you  intended  to  insult  him,  and  nothing  will  con- 
vince him  to  the  contrary.  We  told  him  how  it  must  have  occurred, 
but  he  will  listen  to  no  explanation." 

I  thought  for  one  second  before  I  replied.  My  mind,  with  the 
practised  rapidity  of  an  old  campaigner,  took  in  all  the  pros  and 
cons  of  the  case  ;  I  saw  at  a  glance  it  were  better  to  brave  the  anger 
of  the  Colonel,  come  in  what  shape  it  might,  than  be  the  laughing- 
stock of  the  mess  for  life,  and  with  a  face  of  the  greatest  gravity  and 
self-possession,  said, — 

"  Well,  adjutant,  the  Colonel  was  right.  It  was  no  mistake  I  You 
know  I  sent  him  tickets  yesterday  for  the  theatre.  Well,  he  re- 
turned them ;  this  did  not  annoy  me,  but  on  one  account.  I  had 
made  a  wager  with  Alderman  Gullable  that  the  Colonel  should  see 
me  in  Othello.  What  was  to  be  done  ?  Don't  you  see,  now,  there 
was  only  one  course,  and  I  took  it,  old  boy,  and  have  won  my  bet  I" 
"  And  lost  your  commission  for  a  dozen  of  champagne,  I  suppose," 
said  the  adjutant. 

"  Never  mind,  my  dear  fellow,"  I  replied ;  "  I  shall  get  out  of  this 
scrape,  as  I  have  done  many  others." 
"  But  what  do  you  intend  doing  ?" 

"  Oh,  as  to  that,"  said  I,  "  I  shall  of  course  wait  on  the  Colonel 
immediately ;  pretend  to  him  that  it  was  a  mere  blunder  from  the 
inattention  of  my  servant — hand  over  Stubbes  to  the  powers  that 
punish  "  (here  the  poor  fellow  winced  a  little),  "  and  make  my  peace 
as  well  as  I  can.  But,  adjutant,  mind,"  said  I,  "and  give  the  real 
version  to  all  our  fellows,  and  tell  them  to  make  it  public  as  much 
as  they  please." 


ARRIVAL  m  CORK.  23 

"Never  fear,"  said  he,  as  he  left  the  room  still  laughing,  "they 
shall  all  know  the  true  story ;  but  I  wish  with  all  my  heart  you  were 
well  out  of  it." 

I  now  lost  no  time  in  making  my  toilet,  and  presented  myself  at 
the  Colonel's  quarters.  It  is  no  pleasure  for  me  to  recount  these 
passages  in  my  life,  in  which  I  have  had  to  bear  the  "proud 
man's  contumely."  I  shall  therefore  merely  observe  that,  after  a 
very  long  interview,  the  Colonel  accepted  my  apologies,  and  we 
parted. 

Before  a  week  elapsed,  the  story  had  gone  far  and  near ;  every 
dinner-table  in  Cork  had  laughed  at  it.  As  for  me,  I  attained  im- 
mortal honor  for  my  tact  and  courage.  Poor  Gullable  readily  agreed 
to  favor  the  story,  and  gave  us  a  dinner  as  the  lost  wager,  and  the 
Colonel  was  so  unmercifully  quizzed  on  the  subject,  and  such  broad 
allusions  to  his  being  humbugged  were  given  in  the  Cork  papers, 
that  he  was  obliged  to  negotiate  a  change  of  quarters  with  another 
regiment,  to  get  out  of  the  continual  jesting,  and  in  less  than  a 
month  we  marched  to  Limerick,  to  relieve,  as  it  was  reported,  the 
9th,  ordered  for  foreign  service,  but,  in  reality,  only  to  relieve  Lieu- 
tenant-Colonel Carden,  quizzed  beyond  endurance. 

However,  if  the  Colonel  had  seemed  to  forgive,  he  did  not  forget, 
for  the  very  second  week  after  our  arrival  in  Limerick,  I  received 
one  morning  at  my  breakfast-table  the  following  brief  note  from  our 
adjutant: 

"My  Dear  Lorrequer: — The  Colonel  has  received  orders  to 
despatch  two  companies  to  some  remote  part  of  the  county  Clare, 
and  as  you  have  *  done  the  state  some  service,'  you  are  selected  for 
the  beautiful  town  of  Kilrush,  where,  to  use  the  eulogistic  language 
of  the  geography  books,  '  there  is  a  good  harbor,  and  a  market  plenti- 
fully supplied  with  fish.'  I  have  just  heard  of  the  kind  intention  iu 
store  for  you,  and  lose  no  time  in  letting  you  know. 

"  God  give  you  a  good  deliverance  from  the  ' gargons  blancs,'  as  the 
Moniteur  calls  the  Whiteboys,  and  believe  me  ever  yours, 

"Charles  Curzox." 

I  had  scarcely  twice  read  over  the  adjutant's  epistle,  when  I  re- 
ceived an  official  notification  from  the  Colonel,  directing  me  to  pro- 
ceed to  Kilrush,  then  and  there  to  afford  all  aid  and  assistance  in 
suppressing  illicit  distillation,  when  called  on  for  that  purpose ;  and 
otlier  similar  duties  too  agreeable  to  recapitulate.  Alas  I  alas  I 
"Othello's  occupation"  was  indeed  gone!  The  next  morning  at 
sunrise  saw  me  on  my  march,  with  what  appearance  of  gaycty  I  could 
muster,  but  in  reality  very  much  chopfallen  at  my  banishment,  and 


24  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

invoking  sundry  things  upon  the  devoted  head  of  the  Colonel,  which 
he  would  by  no  means  consider  as  "blessings." 

How  short-sighted  are  we  mortals,  whether  enjoying  all  the  pomp 
and  state  of  royalty,  or  marching  like  myself  at  the  head  of  a  detach- 
ment of  his  Majesty's  4 — th. 

Little,  indeed,  did  I  anticipate  that  the  Siberia  to  which  I  fancied 
I  was  condemned  should  turn  out  the  happiest  quarters  my  fate  ever 
threw  me  into.  But  this,  including  as  it  does  one  of  the  most  im- 
portant events  of  my  life,  I  reserve  for  another  chapter. 

"  What  is  that  place  called,  Sergeant?" — "  Bunratty  Castle,  sir." 

"  Where  do  we  breakfast?"— "At  Clare  Island,  sir." 

"  March  away,  boys  I" 


CHAPTER   II. 

DETACHMENT  DUTY — THE  "  BURTON  ARMS" — CALLONBY. 

FOR  a  week  after  my  arrival  at  Kilrush,  my  life  was  one  of  the 
most  dreary  monotony.  The  rain,  which  had  begun  to  fall  as 
I  left  Limerick,  continued  to  descend  in  torrents,  and  I  found 
myself  a  close  prisoner  in  the  sanded  parlor  of  "  mine  inn."  At  no 
time  would  such  "durance  vile"  have  been  agreeable;  but  now, 
when  I  contrasted  it  with  all  I  had  left  behind  at  head-quarters, 
it  was  absolutely  maddening.  The  pleasant  lounge  in  the  morning, 
the  social  mess,  and  the  agreeable  evening  party,  were  all  exchanged 
for  a  short  promenade  of  fourteen  feet  in  one  direction  and  twelve 
in  the  other,  such  being  the  accurate  measurement  of  my  "  salle  k 
manger ;"  a  chicken  with  legs  as  blue  as  a  Highlander's  in  winter, 
for  my  dinner;  and  the  hours  that  all  Christian  mankind  were 
devoting  to  pleasant  intercourse  and  agreeable  chit-chat,  spent  in 
beating  that  dead-march  to  time,  "  the  Devil's  Tattoo,"  upon  my 
rickety  table,  and  forming  between  whiles  sundry  valorous  resolu- 
tions to  reform  my  life,  and  "  eschew  sack  and  loose  company." 

My  front  window  looked  out  upon  a  long,  straggling,  ill-paved 
street,  with  its  due  proportion  of  mud-heaps  and  duck-pools ;  the 
houses  on  either  side  were,  for  the  most  part,  dingy-looking  edifices, 
with  half-doors,  and  such  pretension  to  being  shops  as  a  quart  of 
meal,  or  salt,  displayed  in  the  window,  confers  ;  or  sometimes  two 
tobacco-pipes,  placed  "  saltier-wise,"  would  appear  the  only  vendible 
article  in  the  establishment.  A  more  wretched,  gloomy-looking 
picture  of  woebegone  poverty  I  never  beheld. 

If  I  turned  for  consolation  to  the  back  of  the  house,  my  eyes  fell 


DETACHMENT  DUTY.  25 

upon  the  dirty  yard  of  a  dirty  inn  ;  the  half-tliatchcd  cow-shed, 
•where  two  famished  animals  mourned  their  hard  fate, — "chewing 
the  cud  of  sweet  and  bitter  fancy ;"  the  chaise,  the  yellow  post-chaise, 
once  the  pride  and  glory  of  the  establishment,  now  stood  reduced 
from  its  wheels,  and  ignominiously  degraded  to  a  hen-house ;  on  the 
grass-grown  roof  a  cock  had  taken  his  stand,  with  an  air  of  protective 
patronage  to  the  feathered  inhabitants  beneath : 

"  To  what  base  uses  must  we  come  at  last." 

That  chaise,  which  once  had  conveyed  the  blooming  bride,  all  blushes 
and  tenderness,  and  the  happy  groom,  on  their  honeymoon  visit  to 
Ballybunnion  and  its  romantic  caves,  or  to  the  gigantic  cliffs  and 
sea-girt  shores  of  Moher — or  with  more  steady  pace  and  becoming 
gravity  had  borne  along  the  "going  judge  of  the  assize," — ^was  now 
become  a  lying-in  hospital  for  fowls  and  a  nursery  for  chickens. 
Fallen  as  I  was  from  my  high  estate,  it  afforded  me  a  species  of 
malicious  satisfaction  to  contemplate  these  sad  reverses  of  fortune ; 
and  I  verily  believe — for  on  such  slight  foundation  our  greatest 
resolves  are  built — that  if  the  rain  had  continued  a  week  longer,  I 
should  have  become  a  misanthropist  for  life.  I  made  many  inquiries 
from  my  landlady  as  to  the  society  of  the  place,  but  the  answers  I 
received  only  led  to  greater  despondence.  My  predecessor  here,  it 
seemed,  had  been  an  officer  of  a  veteran  battalion,  with  a  wife,  and 
that  number  of  children  which  is  algebraically  expressed  by  an 
X — meaning,  an  unknown  quantity.  He,  good  man,  in  his  two 
years'  sojourn  here,  had  been  much  more  solicitous  about  his  own 
affairs  than  making  acquaintance  with  his  neighbors ;  and  at  last, 
the  few  persons  who  had  been  in  the  habit  of  calling  on  "the 
officer,"  gave  up  the  practice ;  and  as  there  were  no  young  ladies  to 
refresh  Pa's  memory  on  the  matter,  they  soon  forgot  completely  that 
such  a  person  existed.  To  this  happy  oblivion,  I,  Harry  Lorrequer, 
succeeded,  and  was  thus  left  without  benefit  of  clergy  to  the  tender 
mercies  of  Mrs.  Healy  of  the  "  Burton  Arms." 

As  during  the  inundation  which  deluged  the  whole  country  around 
I  was  unable  to  stir  from  the  house,  I  enjoyed  abundant  opportunity 
of  cultivating  the  acquaintance  of  my  hostess,  and  it  is  but  fair  that 
my  reader,  who  has  journeyed  so  far  with  me,  should  have  an  intro- 
duction. 

Mrs.  Healy,  the  sole  proprietor  of  "  the  Burton  Arms,"  was  of 
some  five-and-fifty — "  or  by'r  lady,"  threescore  years — of  a  rubicund 
and  hale  complexion ;  and  though  her  short  neck  and  corpulent 
figure  might  have  set  her  down  as  "doubly  hazardous,"  she  looked 
a  good  life  for  many  years  to  come.  In  height  and  breadth  she 
most  nearly  resembled  a  sugar-hogshead,  whose  rolling,  pitching 


26  EARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

motion,  when  trundled  along  on  edge,  she  emulated  in  her  gait.  To 
the  ungainliness  of  her  figure  her  mode  of  dressing  not  a  little  con- 
tributed. She  usually  wore  a  thick  linsey-wolsey  gown,  with  enor- 
mous pockets  on  either  side,  and,  like  Nora  Creina's,  it  certainly 
inflicted  no  undue  restriction  upon  her  charms,  but  left 

"  Every  beauty  free, 
To  sink  or  swell  as  Heaven  pleases." 

Her  feet— ye  gods  1  such  feet— were  apparelled  in  listing  slippers/ 
over  which  the  upholstery  of  her  ankles  descended,  and  completely 
relieved  the  mind  of  the  spectator  as  to  the  superincumbent  weight 
being  disproportioned  to  the  support.  I  remember  well  my  first 
impression  on  seeing  those  feet  and  ankles  reposing  upon  a  straw 
footstool,  while  she  took  her  afternoon  doze,  and  I  wondered  within 
myself  if  elephants  were  liable  to  the  gout.  There  are  few  counte- 
nances in  the  world  that,  if  wishing  to  convey  an  idea  of,  we  cannot 
refer  to  some  well-known  standard;  and  thus  nothing  is  more 
common  than  to  hear  comparisons  with  "  Vulcan— Venus— Nico- 
demus,"  and  the  like ;  but  in  the  present  case  I  am  totally  at  a  loss 
for  anything  resembling  the  face  of  the  worthy  Mrs.  Healy,  except 
it  be,  perhaps,  that  most  ancient  and  sour  visage  we  used  to  see 
upon  old  circular  iron  rappers  formerly — they  make  none  of  them 
now— the  only  difference  being,  that  Mrs.  Healy's  nose  had  no  ring 
through  it ;  I  am  almost  tempted  to  add,  "  more's  the  pity." 

Such  was  she  in  "  the  flesh ;"  would  that  I  could  say  she  was  more 
fascinating  in  the  "spirit;"  but,  alas  I  truth,  from  which  I  never 
may  depart  in  these  "  my  Confessions,"  constrains  me  to  acknow- 
ledge the  reverse.  Most  persons,  in  this  miserable  world  of  ours, 
have  some  prevailing,  predominating  characteristic,  which  usually 
gives  the  tone  and  color  to  all  their  thoughts  and  actions,  forming 
what  we  denominate  temperament ;  this  we  see  actuating  them,  now 
more,  now  less ;  but  rarely,  however,  is  this  great  spring  of  action 
without  its  moments  of  repose.  Not  so  with  her  of  whom  I  have 
been  speaking.  She  had  but  one  passion — but  like  Aaron's  rod,  it 
had  a  most  consuming  tendency — and  that  was  to  scold  and  abuse 
all  whom  hard  fate  had  brought  within  the  unfortunate  limits  of 
her  tyranny.  The  English  language,  comprehensive  as  it  is,  afforded 
no  epithets  strong  enough  for  her  wrath,  and  she  sought  among  the 
more  classic  beauties  of  her  native  Irish  such  additional  ones  as 
served  her  need,  and  with  this  holy  alliance  of  tongues  she  had 
been  for  years  long  the  dread  and  terror  of  the  entire  village. 

"  The  dawning  of  morn,  the  daylight  sinking," 

ay,  and  even  the  "  night's  dull  hours,"  it  was  said,  too,  found  her 
laboring  in  her  congenial  occupation ;  and  while  thus  she  continued 


BETA  CIIMENT  D  UT Y.  27 

to  "scold  and  grow  fat,"  her  inn,  once  a  popular  and  frequented 
one,  became  gradually  less  and  less  frequented,  and  the  dragon 
of  the  Rhine-fells  did  not  more  effectually  lay  waste  the  territory 
about  him  than  did  the  evil  influence  of  her  tongue  spread  desola- 
tion and  ruin  around  her.  Her  inn,  at  the  time  of  my  visit,  had 
not  been  troubled  with  even  a  passing  traveller  for  many  months ; 
and,  indeed,  had  I  had  any,  even  the  least,  foreknowledge  of  the 
character  of  my  hostess,  its  privacy  should  have  still  remained  un- 
invaded  for  some  time  longer. 

I  had  not  been  many  hours  installed,  when  I  got  a  specimen  of 
her  powers;  and  before  the  first  week  was  over,  so  constant  and  un- 
remitting were  her  labors  in  this  way  that  I  have,  upon  the  occsusioa 
of  a  slight  lull  in  the  storm,  occasioned  by  her  falling  asleep,  actu- 
ally left  my  room  to  inquire  if  anything  had  gone  wrong,  in  the 
same  way  as  the  miller  is  said  to  awake  when  the  mill  stops.  I 
trust  I  have  said  enough  to  move  the  reader's  pity  and  compassion 
for  my  situation — one  more  miserable  it  is  difficult  to  conceive.  It 
may  be  thought  that  much  might  be  done  by  management,  and  that 
a  slight  exercise  of  the  favorite  Whig  plan  might  avail.  Nothing 
of  the  kind.  She  was  proof  against  all  such  arts  ;  and  what  was  still 
worse,  there  was  no  subject,  no  possible  circumstance,  no  matter, 
past,  present,  or  to  come,  that  she  could  not  wind,  by  her  diabolical 
ingenuity,  into  some  cause  of  offence ;  and  then  came  the  quick 
transition  to  instant  punishment.  Thus,  my  apparently  harmless 
inquiry  as  to  the  society  of  the  neighborhood  suggested  to  her  a 
wish  on  my  part  to  make  acquaintance — therefore  to  dine  out — 
therefore  not  to  dine  at  home— consequently  to  escape  paying  half- 
a-crown  and  devouring  a  chicken — therefore  to  defraud  her,  and 
behave,  as  she  would  herself  observe,  "  like  a  beggarly  scullion,  with 
his  four  shillings  a  day,  setting  up  for  a  gentleman,"  &c. 

By  a  quiet  and  Job-like  endurance  of  all  manner  of  taunting  sus- 
picions and  unmerited  sarcasms,  to  which  I  daiiy  became  more 
reconciled,  I  absolutely  rose  into  something  like  favor,  and  before 
the  first  month  of  my  banishment  expired,  had  got  the  length  of  an 
invitation  to  tea  in  her  own  snuggery— an  honor  never  known  to  bo 
bestowed  on  any  before,  with  the  exception  of  Father  Malachi  Bren- 
nan,  her  ghostly  adviser;  and  even  he,  it  is  said,  never  ventured  on 
surh  an  approximation  to  intimacy  until  he  was,  in  Kilrush  phrase, 
"  half  screwed,"  thereby  meaning  more  than  half  tipsy.  From  time 
to  time  thus  I  learned  from  my  hostess  such  particulars  of  the 
country  and  its  inhabitants  as  I  was  desirous  of  hearing ;  and  among 
other  matters,  she  gave  me  an  account  of  the  great  landed  proprietor 
himself,  Lord  Oallonby,  who  was  daily  expected  at  his  seat  within 
some  miles  of  Kilrush,  at  the  same  time  assuring  me  that  I  need  not 


28  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

be  looking  so  "  pleased  and  curling  out  my  whiskers ;"  "  that  they'd 
never  take  the  trouble  of  asking  even  the  name  of  me."  This, 
though  neither  very  courteous  nor  altogether  flattering  to  listen  to, 
was  no  more  than  I  had  already  learned  from  some  brother  officers 
who  knew  this  quarter,  and  who  informed  me  that  the  Earl  of  Cal- 
lonby,  though  only  visiting  his  Irish  estates  every  three  or  four 
years,  never  took  the  slightest  notice  of  any  of  the  military  in  his 
neighborhood;  nor,  indeed,  did  he  mix  with  the  country  gentry, 
confining  himself  to  his  own  family,  or  the  guests  who  usually  ac- 
companied him  from  England,  and  remained  during  his  few  weeks' 
stay.  My  impression  of  his  lordship  was  therefore  not  calculated  to 
cheer  my  solitude  by  any  prospect  of  his  rendering  it  lighter. 

The  Earl's  family  consisted  of  her  ladyship,  an  only  son,  nearly 
of  age,  and  two  daughters.  The  eldest.  Lady  Jane,  had  the  reputa- 
tion of  being  extremely  beautiful;  and  I  remembered  when  she 
came  out  in  London,  only  the  year  before,  hearing  nothing  but 
praises  of  the  grace  and  elegance  of  her  manner  united  to  the  most 
classic  beauty  of  her  face  and  figure.  The  second  daughter  was 
some  years  younger,  and  said  to  be  also  very  handsome  ;  but  as  yet 
she  had  not  been  brought  into  society.  Of  the  son,  Lord  Kilkee,  I 
only  heard  that  he  had  been  a  very  gay  fellow  at  Oxford,  where  he 
was  much  liked,  and  although  not  particularly  studious,  had  given 
evidence  of  talent. 

Such  were  the  few  particulars  I  obtained  of  my  neighbors,  and 
thus  little  did  I  know  of  those  who  were  so  soon  to  exercise  a  most 
important  influence  upon  my  future  life. 

After  some  weeks'  close  confinement,  which,  judging  from  my 
feelings  alone,  I  should  have  counted  as  many  years,  I  eagerly  seized 
the  opportunity  of  the  first  glimpse  of  sunshine  to  make  a  short 
excursion  along  the  coast.  I  started  early  in  the  morning,  and 
after  a  long  stroll  along  the  bold  headlands  of  Kilkee,  was  returning 
late  in  the  evening  to  my  lodgings.  My  path  lay  across  a  wild, 
bleak  moor,  dotted  with  low  clumps  of  furze,  and  not  presenting  on 
any  side  the  least  trace  of  habitation.  In  wading  through  the 
tangled  bushes,  mv  dog  "Mouche"  started  a  hare;  and  after  a  run 
"short,  sharp  and  decisive,"  killed  her  at  the  bottom  of  a  little  glen 
some  hundred  yards  off". 

I  was  just  patting  my  dog  and  examining  my  prize,  when  I  heard 
a  crackling  among  the  low  bushes  near  me,  and  on  looking  up,  per- 
ceived, about  twenty  paces  distant,  a  short,  thick-set  man,  whose 
fustian  jacket  and  leathern  gaiters  at  once  pronounced  him  the 
gamekeeper ;  he  stood  leaning  upon  his  gun,  quietly  awaiting,  as  it 
seemed,  for  any  movement  on  my  part  before  he  interfered.  With 
one  glance  I  detected  how  matters  stood,  and  immediately  adopting 


DETACHMENT  DUTY.  29 

my  usual  policy  of  "  taking  the  bull  by  the  horns,"  called  out,  in  a 
tone  of  very  sufficient  authority, — 

"  I  say,  my  man,  are  you  his  lordship's  gamekeeper?" 

Taking  ofl"  liis  hat,  the  man  approached  me,  and  very  respectfully 
informed  me  that  he  was. 

"Well,  then,"  said  I,  "present  this  hare  to  his  lordship  with  my 
respects ;  here  is  my  card,  and  say  I  shall  be  most  happy  to  wait 
on  him  in  the  morning  and  explain  the  circumstance." 

The  man  took  the  card,  and  seemed  for  some  moments  undecided 
how  to  act ;  he  seemed  to  think  that  probably  he  might  be  ill-treating 
a  friend  of  his  lordship's  if  he  refused ;  and  on  the  other  hand  might 
be  merely  "jockeyed"  by  some  bold-faced  poacher.  Meanwhile  I 
whistled  my  dog  close  up,  and  humming  an  air,  with  great  appear- 
ance of  indifference  stepped  out  homeward.  By  this  piece  of  pre- 
sence of  mind  I  saved  poor  "  Mouche ;"  for  I  saw  at  a  glance  that, 
with  true  gamekeeper's  law,  he  had  been  destined  to  death  the 
moment  he  had  committed  the  offence. 

The  following  morning,  as  I  sat  at  breakfast,  meditating  upon  the 
events  of  the  preceding  day,  and  not  exactly  determined  how  to 
act,  whether  to  write  to  his  lordship  explaining  how  the  matter 
occurred  or  call  personally,  a  loud  rattling  on  the  pavement  drew 
me  to  the  window.  As  the  house  stood  at  the  end  of  a  street,  I 
could  not  see  in  the  direction  the  noise  came  ;  but  as  I  listened,  a 
very  handsome  tandem  turned  the  corner  of  the  narrow  street,  and 
came  along  towards  the  hotel  at  a  long,  sling  trot ;  the  horses  were 
dark  chestnuts,  well-matched  and  showing  a  deal  of  blood.  The 
carriage  was  a  dark  drab,  with  black  wheels ;  the  harness  all  of  the 
same  color.  The  whole  turn-out — and  I  was  an  amateur  of  that 
sort  of  thing — was  perfect;  the  driver — for  I  come  to  him  last,  as  he 
was  the  last  I  looked  at — was  a  fashionable-looking  young  fellow, 
plainly,  but  knowingly,  dressed,  and  evidently  handling  the  "  rib- 
bons" like  an  experienced  whip. 

After  bringing  his  nags  up  to  the  inn  door  in  very  pretty  style,  he 
gave  the  reins  to  his  servant,  and  got  down.  Before  I  was  well 
aware  of  it,  the  door  of  my  room  opened,  and  the  gentleman  entered 
with  a  certain  easy  air  of  good  breeding,  and  saying,  "Mr.  Lorrequer, 
I  presume,"  introduced  himself  as  Lord  Kilkee. 

I  immediately  opened  the  conversation  by  an  apology  for  my 
dog's  misconduct  on  the  day  before,  and  assured  his  lordship  that  I 
knew  the  value  of  a  hare  in  a  hunting  country,  and  was  really  sorry 
for  the  circumstance. 

"  Then  I  must  say,"  replied  his  lordship,  "  Mr.  Lorrequer  is  the 
only  person  who  regrets  the  matter  ;  for  had  it  not  been  for  this,  it 
is  more  than  probable  we  should  never  have  known  we  were  so  near 


30  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

neighbors ;  in  fact,  nothing  could  equal  our  amazement  at  hearing 
you  were  playing  the  'Solitaire'  down  here.  You  must  have 
found  it  dreadfully  heavy,  and  have  thought  us  downright  savages. 
But  then  I  must  explain  to  you  that  my  father  has  made  some 
'  rule  absolute '  about  visiting  when  down  here.  And  though  I 
know  you'll  not  consider  it  a  compliment,  yet  I  can  assure  you 
there  is  not  another  man  I  know  of  he  would  pay  attention  to  but 
yourself.  He  made  two  efforts  to  get  here  this  morning,  but  the 
gout  '  would  not  be  denied,'  and  so  he  deputed  a  most  inferior 
'  diplomate ;'  and  now  will  you  let  me  return  with  some  character 
from  my  first  mission,  and  inform  my  friends  that  you  will  dine 
with  us  to-day  at  seven — a  mere  family  party ;  but  make  your 
arrangements  to  stop  all  night  and  to-morrow :  we  shall  find  some 
work  for  my  friend  there  on  the  hearth;  what  do  you  call  him, 
Mr.  Lorrequer?" 

"  '  Mouclie  ' — come  here,  '  Mouche.'  " 

"  Ah,  '  Mouche,'  come  here,  my  fine  fellow — a  splendid  dog,  in- 
deed ;  very  tall  for  a  thoroughbred  ;  and  now  you'll  not  forget,  seven, 
'temps  militaire,'  and  so,  sans  adieu." 

And  with  these  words  his  lordship  shook  me  heartily  by  the  hand ; 
and  before  two  minutes  had  elapsed,  had  wrapped  his  box-coat  once 
more  across  him,  and  was  round  the  corner. 

I  looked  for  a  few  moments  on  the  again  silent  street,  and  was 
almost  tempted  to  believe  I  was  in  a  dream,  so  rapidly  had  the  pre- 
ceding moments  passed  over;  and  so  surprised  was  I  to  find  that  the 
proud  Earl  of  Callonby,  who  never  did  the  "  civil  thing"  anywhere, 
should  think  proper  to  pay  attention  to  a  poor  sub.  in  a  marching 
regiment,  whose  only  claim  on  his  acquaintance  was  the  suspicion 
of  poaching  on  his  manor.  I  repeated  over  and  over  all  his  lord- 
ship's most  polite  speeches,  trying  to  solve  the  mystery  of  them ; 
but  in  vain:  a  thousand  explanations  occurred,  but  none  of  them  I 
felt  at  all  satisfactory ;  that  there  was  some  mystery  somewhere,  I 
had  no  doubt ;  for  I  remarked  all  through  that  Lord  Kilkee  laid 
some  stress  upon  my  identity,  and  even  seemed  surprised  at  my 
being  in  such  banishment.  "  Oh,"  thought  I,  at  last,  "  his  lordship 
is  about  to  get  up  private  theatricals,  and  has  seen  my  Captain 
Absolute,  or  perhaps  my  Hamlet" — I  could  not  say  "Othello," 
even  to  myself — "and  is  anxious  to  get  'such  unrivalled  talent' 
even  *  for  one  night  only.'  " 

Alter  many  guesses,  this  seemed  the  nearest  I  could  think  of; 
and  by  the  time  I  had  finished  my  dressing  for  dinner,  it  was  quite 
clear  to  me  that  I  had  solved  all  the  secret  of  his  lordship's  atten- 
tions. 

The  road  to  "  Callonby  "  was  beautiful  beyond  anything  I  had 


DE TA CUMENT  DUTY.  31 

ever  seen  in  Ireland.  For  upwards  of  two  miles  it  led  along  the 
margin  of  some  lofty  cliffs,  now  jutting  into  bold  promontories,  and 
again  retreating,  and  forming  small  bays  and  mimic  harbors,  into 
which  the  heavy  swell  of  the  broad  Atlantic  was  rolling  its  deep 
blue  tide.  The  evening  was  perfectly  calm,  and  at  a  little  distance 
from  the  shore  the  surface  of  the  sea  was  without  a  ripple.  The 
only  sound  breaking  the  solemn  stillness  of  the  hour  was  the 
heavy  plash  of  the  waves,  as  in  minute  })eals  they  rolled  in  upon 
the  pebbly  beach,  and  brought  back  with  them  at  each  retreat  some 
of  the  larger  and  smoother  stones,  whose  noise,  as  they  fell  back 
into  old  ocean's  bed,  mingled  with  the  din  of  the  breaking  surf. 
In  one  of  the  many  little  bays  I  passed,  lay  three  or  four  fishing 
smacks.  The  sails  were  drying,  and  flapped  lazily  against  the 
mast.  I  could  see  the  figures  of  the  men  as  they  passed  backward 
and  forward  upon  the  decks,  and,  although  the  height  was  nearly 
eight  hundred  feet,  could  hear  their  voices  quite  distinctly.  Upon 
the  golden  strand,  which  was  still  marked  with  a  deeper  tint,  where 
the  tide  had  washed,  stood  a  little  white  cottage  of  some  fisher- 
men— at  least,  so  the  net  before  the  door  bespoke  it.  Around  it 
stood  some  children,  whose  merry  voices  and  laughing  tones  some- 
times reached  me  where  I  was  standing.  I  could  not  but  think,  as 
I  looked  down  from  my  lofty  eyrie  upon  that  little  group  of  boats 
and  that  lone  hut,  how  much  of  the  "world,"  to  the  humble 
dwellers  beneath,  lay  in  that  secluded  and  narrow  bay, — there,  the 
deep  sea,  where  their  days  were  passed  in  "  storm  or  sunshine," 
— there,  the  humble  home,  where  at  night  they  rested,  and  around 
whose  hearth  lay  all  their  cares  and  all  their  joys.  How  far,  how 
very  far  removed  from  the  busy  haunts  of  men,  and  all  the  struggles 
and  contentions  of  the  ambitious  world  ;  and  yet,  how  short-sighted 
to  suppose  that  even  they  had  not  their  griefs  and  sorrows,  and  that 
their  humble  lot  was  devoid  of  the  inheritance  of  those  woes  which 
all  are  heirs  to. 

I  turned  reluctantly  from  the  sea-shore  to  enter  the  gate  of  the 
park,  and  my  path  in  a  few  moments  was  as  completely  screened 
from  all  prospect  of  the  sea  as  though  it  had  lain  miles  inland.  An 
avenue  of  tall  and  ancient  lime  trees,  so  dense  in  their  shadows  as 
nearly  to  conceal  the  road  beneath,  led  for  above  a  mile  through  a 
beautiful  lawn,  whose  surface,  gently  undulating,  and  studded  with 
young  clumps,  was  dotted  over  with  sheep.  At  length,  descending 
by  a  very  steep  road,  I  reached  a  beautiful  little  stream,  over  which 
a  rustic  bridge  was  thrown.  As  I  looked  down  upon  the  rippling 
stream  beneath,  on  the  surface  of  which  the  dusky  evening  flies 
were  dipping,  I  made  a  resolve,  if  I  prospered  in  his  lordship's 
good  graces,  to  devote  a  day  to  the  "  angle"  there,  before  I  left  the 


32  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

country.  It  was  now  growing  late,  and  remembering  Lord  Kilkee's 
intimation  of  "  sharp  seven,"  I  threw  my  reins  over  my  cob  "  Sir 
Roger's"  neck  (for  I  had  hitherto  been  walking),  and  cantered  up 
the  steep  hill  before  me.  When  I  reached  the  top,  I  found  myself 
upon  a  broad  table-land,  encircled  by  old  and  well-grown  timber, 
and  at  a  distance,  most  tastefully  half  concealed  by  ornamental 
planting,  I  could  catch  some  glimpse  of  Callonby.  Before,  how- 
ever, I  had  time  to  look  about  me,  I  heard  the  tramp  of  horses'  feet 
behind,  and  in  another  moment  two  ladies  dashed  up  the  steep 
behind,  and  came  towards  me,  at  a  smart  gallop,  followed  by  a 
groom,  who  neither  himself  nor  his  horse  seemed  to  relish  the  pace 
of  his  fair  mistresses.  I  moved  off  the  road  into  the  grass  to 
permit  them  to  pass ;  but  no  sooner  had  they  got  abreast  of  me, 
than  Sir  Roger,  anxious  for  a  fair  start,  flung  up  both  heels  at  once, 
pricked  up  his  ears,  and  with  a  plunge  that  very  nearly  threw  me 
from  the  saddle,  set  off  at  top  speed.  My  first  thought  was  for  the 
ladies  beside  me,  and,  to  my  utter  horror,  I  now  saw  them  coming 
along  in  full  gallop ;  their  horses  had  got  off  the  road,  and  were,  to 
my  thinking,  become  quite  unmanageable.  I  endeavored  to  pull 
up,  but  all  in  vain.  Sir  Roger  had  got  the  bit  between  his  teeth,  a 
favorite  trick  of  his,  and  I  was  perfectly  powerless  to  hold  him. 
By  this  time,  they  being  mounted  on  thoroughbreds,  got  a  full 
neck  before  me,  and  the  pace  was  now  tremendous :  on  we  all  came, 
each  horse  at  his  utmost  stretch.  They  were  evidently  gaining 
from  the  better  stride  of  their  cattle,  and  will  it  be  believed,  or  shall 
I  venture  to  acknowledge  it  in  these  my  Confessions,  that  I,  who  a 
moment  before  would  have  given  my  best  chance  of  promotion  to 
be  able  to  pull  in  my  horse,  would  now  have  "  pledged  my  duke- 
dom" to  be  able  to  give  Sir  Roger  one  cut  of  the  whip  unobserved. 
I  leave  it  to  the  wise  to  decipher  the  rationale,  but  such  is  the  fact. 
It  was  complete  steeple-chasing,  and  my  blood  was  up. 

On  we  came,  and  I  now  perceived  that  about  two  hundred  yards 
before  me  stood  an  iron  gate  and  piers,  without  any  hedge  or  wall 
on  either  side;  before  I  could  conjecture  the  meaning  of  so  strange 
a  thing  in  the  midst  of  a  large  lawn,  I  saw  the  foremost  horse,  now 
two  or  three  lengths  before  the  other,  still  in  advance  of  me,  take 
two  or  three  short  strides,  and  fly  about  eight  feet  over  a  sunk  fence; 
the  second  followed  in  the  same  style,  the  riders  sitting  as  steadily 
as  in  the  gallop.  It  was  now  my  turn,  and  I  confess,  as  I  neared 
the  dyke,  I  heartily  wished  myself  well  over  it,  for  the  very  possi- 
bility of  a  "  mistake"  was  maddening.  Sir  Roger  came  on  at  a 
slapping  pace,  and  when  within  two  yards  of  the  brink,  rose  to  it, 
and  cleared  it  like  a  deer.  By  the  time  I  had  accomplished  this 
feat,  not  the  less  to  my  satisfaction  that  both  ladies  had  turned  in 


DETACHMENT  DUTY.  85 

their  saddles  to  watch  me,  they  were  already  far  in  advance ;  they 
held  on  still  at  the  same  pace,  round  a  small  copse  which  concealed 
them  an  instant  from  my  view,  and  when  I  passed  this,  I  perceived 
that  they  had  just  reached  the  hall  door,  and  were  dismounting. 

On  the  steps  stood  a  tall,  elderly-looking,  gentlemanlike  person, 
who  I  rightly  conjectured  was  his  lordship.  I  heard  him  laughing 
heartily  as  I  came  up.  I  at  last  succeeded  in  getting  Sir  Roger  to  a 
ranter,  and  when  a  few  yards  from  where  the  group  were  standing, 
jprang  olF,  and  hastened  up  to  make  my  apologies  as  I  hest  might 
for  my  unfortunate  runaway.  I  was  luckily  spared  the  awkardness 
of  an  explanation,  for  his  lordshiji,  approaching  me  with  his  hand 
extended,  said, — 

"  ]\Ir.  Lorrcquer  is  most  welcome  to  Callonhy.  I  cannot  be  mis- 
taken, I  am  sure — I  have  the  pleasure  of  addressing  the  nephew  of 
my  old  friend  Sir  Guy  Lorrcquer  of  Elton.  I  am  indeed  most  happy 
to  see  you,  and  not  the  less  so  that  you  are  safe  and  sound,  which, 
five  minutes  since,  I  assure  you  I  had  my  fears  for." 

Before  I  could  assure  his  lordship  that  my  fears  were  all  for  my 
competitors  in  the  race — for  such  in  reality  they  were — he  intro- 
duced me  to  the  two  ladies,  who  were  still  standing  beside  him — 
"  Lady  Jane  Callonhy ;  Mr.  Lorrcquer ;  Lady  Catherine." 

"  Which  of  you  young  ladies,  may  I  ask,  planned  this  '  escapade,' 
for  I  see  by  your  looks  it  was  no  accident  ?" 

"I think,  papa,"  said  Lady  Jane,  "you  must  question  Mr.  Lorre- 
quer  on  that  head ;  he  certainly  started  first." 

"  I  confess,  indeed,"  said  I,  "  such  was  the  case." 

"  Well,  you  must  confess,  too,  you  were  distanced,"  said  Lady 
Jane. 

His  lordship  laughed  heartily,  and  I  joined  in  his  mirth,  feeling 
at  the  same  time  most  terribly  provoked  to  be  quizzed  on  such  a 
matter ;  that  I,  a  steeple-chase  horseman  of  the  first  water,  should 
be  twitted  by  a  couple  of  young  ladies,  on  the  score  of  a  most  manly 
exercise.  "  But  come,"  said  his  lordship,  "  the  first  bell  has  rung 
long  since,  and  I  am  longing  to  ask  Mr.  Lorrcquer  all  about  my  old 
college  friend  of  forty  years  ago.  So,  ladies,  hasten  your  toilet,  I 
beseech  you." 

With  these  words,  his  lordship,  taking  my  arm,  led  me  into  the 
drawing-room,  where  we  had  not  been  many  minutes  till  we  were 
joined  by  her  ladyship,  a  tall,  stately,  handsome  woman,  of  a  certain 
age,  resolutely  bent  upon  being  both  young  and  beautiful,  in  spito 
of  time  and  wrinkles.  Her  reception  of  me,  though  not  possessing 
the  frankness  of  his  lordship,  was  still  very  polite,  and  intended  to 
be  even  gracious.  I  now  found  by  the  reiterated  inquiries  for  my 
old  uncle.  Sir  Guy,  that  he  it  was,  and  not  Hamlet,  to  whom  I  owed 
3 


34  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

my  present  notice,  and  I  must  include  it  among  my  Confessions, 
that  it  was  about  the  first  advantage  I  ever  derived  from  the  rela- 
tionship. After  half  an  hour's  agreeable  chatting,  the  ladies  entered, 
and  then  I  had  time  to  remark  the  extreme  beauty  of  their  appear- 
ance ;  they  were  both  wonderfully  alike,  and  except  that  Lady  Jane 
was  taller  and  more  womanly,  it  would  have  been  almost  impossible 
to  discriminate  between  them. 

Lady  Jane  Callonby  was  then  about  twenty  years  of  age,  rather 
above  the  middle  size,  and  slightly  disposed  towards  e?nbonpoint; 
her  eye  was  of  the  deepest  and  most  liquid  blue,  and  rendered  appa- 
rently darker  by  long  lashes  of  the  blackest  jet — for  such  was  the 
color  of  her  hair  ;  her  nose  slightly,  but  slightly,  deviated  from  the 
straightness  of  the  Grecian,  and  her  upper  lip  was  faultless,  as  were 
her  mouth  and  chin ;  the  whole  lower  part  of  the  face,  from  the 
perfect  repose,  and  from  the  carriage  of  her  head,  had  certainly  a 
great  air  of  hauteur,  but  the  extreme  melting  softness  of  her  eyes 
took  from  this,  and  when  she  spoke,  there  was  a  quiet  earnestness 
in  her  mild  and  musical  voice,  that  disarmed  you  at  once  of  con- 
necting the  idea  of  self  with  the  speaker ;  the  word  ''  fascinating," 
more  than  any  other  I  know  of,  conveys  the  effect  of  her  appearance, 
and  to  produce  it,  she  had,  more  than  any  other  woman  I  ever  met, 
that  wonderful  gift,  "  Cart  de  plaire." 

I  was  roused  from  my  perhaps  too  earnest,  because  unconscious 
gaze,  at  the  lovely  figure  before  me,  by  his  lordship  saying,  "  Mr. 
Lorrequer,  her  ladyship  is  waiting  for  you."  I  accordingly  bowed, 
and  offering  her  my  arm,  led  her  into  the  dinner-room.  And  here 
I  draw  rein  for  the  present,  reserving  for  my  next  chapter — My 
Adventures  at  Callonby. 


CHAPTEE  IIL 

LIFE  AT  CALLONBY — LOVE-MAKING — MISS  O'DOWD'S  ADVENTURE. 


M 


Y  first  evening  at  Callonby  passed  off  as  nearly  all  first  even- 
ings do  everywhere.  His  lordship  was  most  agreeable, 
talked  much  of  my  uncle,  Sir  Guy,  whose  fag  he  had  been 
at  Eton  half  a  century  before,  promised  me  some  capital  shooting 
in  his  preserves,  discussed  the  state  of  politics ;  and,  as  the  second 
decanter  of  port  "waned  apace,"  grew  wondroua  confidential,  and 
told  me  of  his  intention  to  start  his  son  for  the  county  at  the  next 
general  election,  such  being  tlio  object  which  had  now  conferred  the 
honor  of  his  presence  on  his  Irish  estates. 


L IFE  AT  CALLONBY.  35 

Her  ladyship  was  most  condoscendingly  civil;  vouchsafed  much 
tender  conimiscratioa  ibr  my  "exile,"  as  she  termed  my  quarters  in 
Kilrush ;  wondered  how  I  could  possibly  exist  in  a  marching  regi- 
ment (who  had  never  been  in  the  cavalry  in  ray  life!) ;  spoke  quite 
feelingly  of  my  kindness  in  joining  their  stupid  family  party,  for 
they  were  living,  to  use  her  own  phrase,  "  like  luTUiits  ;"  and  wound 
up  all  by  a  playful  assurance  that  as  she  perceived,  from  all  my 
answers,  that  I  was  bent  on  preserving  a  strict  incognito,  she  would 
tell  no  tales  about  me  on  my  return  to  "  town,"  Now  it  may  readily 
be  believed  that  all  this  and  many  more  of  her  ladyship's  allusions 
were  a  "  Chaldee  manuscript "  to  me.  That  she  knew  certain  facts 
of  my  family  and  relations  was  certain,  but  that  she  had  interwoven 
in  the  humble  web  of  my  history  a  very  pretty  embroidery  of  fiction, 
was  equally  so ;  and  while  she  thus  ran  on,  with  innumerable  allu- 
sions to  Lady  Marys  and  Lord  Johns,  who  she  pretended  to  suppose 
were  dying  to  hear  from  me,  I  could  not  help  muttering  to  myself, 
with  good  Christoplier  Sly,  "  An'  all  this  be  true— then.  Lord  be 
thanked  for  my  good  amends ;"  for  up  to  that  moment  I  was  an 
ungrateful  man  for  all  such  high  and  noble  solicitude.  One  dark 
doubt  shot  for  an  instant  across  my  brain.  Mayhap  her  ladyship 
had  "  registered  a  vow "  never  to  syllable  a  name  unehronieled  by 
Debrett,  or  was  actually  only  mystifying  me  for  mere  amusement. 
A  minute's  consideration  dispelled  this  fear;  for  I  found  myself 
treated  en  seipmir  by  the  whole  family.  As  for  the  daughters  of 
the  house,  nothing  could  possibly  be  more  engaging  than  their 
manner.  The  eldest.  Lady  Jane,  was  pleased,  from  my  near  rela- 
tionship to  her  father's  oldest  friend,  to  receive  me,  "from  the  first," 
on  the  most  friendly  footing,  while,  with  the  younger.  Lady  Cathe- 
rine, from  her  being  less  reserved  than  her  sister,  my  progress  was 
even  greater ;  and  thus,  before  we  separated  for  the  night,  I  con- 
trived to  "take  up  my  position"  in  such  a  fasliion  as  to  be  already 
looked  upon  as  one  of  the  family  party,  to  which  object  Lord,  and 
indeed  Lady,  Callonby  seemed  most  willing  to  contribute,  and  made 
me  promise  to  spend  the  entire  t)f  the  following  day  at  Callonby, 
and  as  many  of  the  succeeding  ones  as  my  military  duties  would 
permit. 

As  his  lordship  was  wishing  me  "good-night"  at  the  door  of  the 
drawing-room,  he  said,  in  a  half-whisper, — 

"  We  were  ignorant  yesterday,  Mr.  Lorrcquer,  how  soon  we  should 
have  the  pleasure  of  seeing  you  here ;  and  you  are  tlierefore  con- 
demned to  a  small  room  off  the  library,  it  being  the  only  one  we 
can  insure  you  as  being  well  aired.  I  must  therefore  apprise  you 
that  you  arc  not  to  be  shocked  at  finding  yourself  surrounded  l)y 
every  member  of  my  family  hung  up  in  frames  around  you.     But 


36  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

as  the  room  is  usually  my  own  snuggery,  I  have  resigned  it  without 
any  alteration  whatever," 

The  apartment  for  which  his  lordship  had  so  strongly  apologized, 
stood  in  very  pleasing  contrast  to  my  late  one  in  Kilrush.  The  Boft 
Persian  carpet,  on  which  one's  feet  sank  to  the  very  ankles ;  the 
brightly  polished  dogs,  upon  which  a  blazing  wood  fire  burned ;  the 
well  upholstered  fauteuils  which  seemed  to  invite  sleep  without  the 
trouble  of  lying  down  for  it ;  and  last  of  all,  the  ample  and  luxu- 
rious bed,  upon  whose  rich  purple  hangings  the  ruddy  glare  of  the 
fire  threw  a  most  mellow  light,  were  all  a  pleasing  exchange  for  the 
garniture  of  the  "  Hotel  Healy." 

"  Certes,  Harry  Lorrequer,"  said   I,  as  I  threw  myself  upon  a 
email  ottoman  before  the  fire,  in  all  the  slippered  ease  and  abandon 
of  a  man  who  has  changed  a  dress  coat  for  a  morning-gown, — 
"  certes,  thou  art  destined  for  great  things ;  even  here,  where  fate 
had  seemed  '  to  do  its  worst '  to  thee,  a  little  paradise  opens,  and 
what  to  ordinary  mortals  had  proved  but  a  '  flat,  stale,  and  most  un- 
profitable '  quarter,  presents  to  thee  all  the  accumulated  delight  of 
an  hospitable  mansion,  a  kind,  almost  friendly,  host,  a  condescend- 
ing Madame  Mere,  and  daughters  too  1  ah,  ye  gods  1     But  what  is 
this  ?"     And  here  for  the  first  time  lifting  up  my  eyes,  I  perceived 
a  beautiful  water-color  drawing  in  the  style  of  "  Chalon,"  which 
was  placed  above  the  chimney-piece.     I  rose  at  once,  and  taking  a 
candle,  proceeded  to  examine  it  more  minutely.     It  was  a  portrait 
of  Lady  Jane,  a  fiill-length  too,  and  wonderfully  like ;  there  was 
more  complexion,  and  perhaps  more  roundness  of  the  figure,  than 
her  present  appearance  would  justify  ;  but  if  anything  was  gained 
in  brilliancy,  it  was  certainly  lost  in  point  of  expression,  and  I  in- 
finitely preferred  her  pale  but  beautifully  fair  countenance  to  the 
rosy  cheek  of  the  picture.    The  figure  was  faultless;  the  same  easy 
grace,  the   result  of  perfect  symmetry   and   refinement  together, 
which  only  one  in  a  thousand  of  handsome  girls  possess,  was  por- 
trayed to  the  life.    The  more  I  looked,  the  more  I  felt  charmed 
with  it.     Never  had  I  seen  anything  so  truly  chanacteristic  as  this 
sketch,  for  it  was  scarcely  more.     It  was  after  nearly  an  hour's  quiet 
contemplation  that  I  began  to  remember  the  lateness  of  the  night, 
an  hour  in  which  my  thoughts  had  rambled  from  the  lovely  object 
before  me  to  wonder  at  the  situation  in  which  I  ibund  niysel  f  ])laccd ; 
for  there  was  so  much  of  "  attention  "  towards  me  in  the  manner  of 
every  member  of  the  family,  coupled  with  certain  mistakes  as  to  my 
habits  and  acquaintances,  as  left  me  perfectly  unable  to  unravel  the 
mystery  which  so  evidently  surrounded  me.    "  Perhaps,"  thought  I, 
"Sir  Guy  has  written  in  my  behalf  to  his  lordship.     Oh,  he  would 
never  do  anything  half  so  civil.     Well,  to  be  sure,  I  shall  astonish 


L IFE  AT  CALL OXIi Y.  87 

them  at  head-quarters  :  they'll  not  believe  this.  I  wonder  if  Lady 
Jane  saw  my  '  Hamlet;'  for  they  landed  in  Cork  from  Bristol  about 
that  time.  She  is  indeed  a  most  beautiful  girl.  I  wish  I  were  a 
marquis,  if  it  were  only  for  her  sake.  Well,  ray  Lord  Callonby,  you 
may  be  a  very  wise  man  in  the  House  of  Lords  ;  but  I  would  just  ask, 
is  it  exactly  prudent  to  introduce  into  your  family,  on  terms  of  such 
perfect  intimacy,  a  young,  fascinating,  well-looking  fellow,  of  four- 
and-twenty,  albeit  only  a  subaltern,  with  two  such  daughters  as  you 
have?  Peut-t'tre  !  One  thing  is  certain,  /  have  no  cause  of  com- 
plaint; and  so  good-night,  Lady  Jane."  And  with  these  words  I 
fell  iusleej),  to  dream  of  the  deepest  blue  eyes  and  the  most  melting 
tones  that  ever  reduced  a  poor  lieutenant  in  a  marching  regiment 
to  curse  his  fate  that  he  could  not  call  the  Commander  of  the  Forces 
his  father. 

When  I  descended  to  the  breakfast-room,  I  found  the  whole  family 
assembled  in  a  grouj)  around  Lord  Kilkee,  who  had  just  returned 
from  a  distant  part  of  the  county,  where  he  had  been  canvassing 
the  electors,  and  spouting  patriotism  the  day  before.  He  was 
giving  an  account  of  his  progress  with  much  spirit  and  humor  as  I 
entered,  but,  on  seeing  me,  immediately  came  forward  and  shook 
hands  with  me  like  an  old  acquaintance.  By  Lord  Callonby  and 
the  ladies  I  was  welcomed  also  with  much  courtesy  and  kindness, 
and  some  slight  badinage  passed  upon  my  sleeping  in  what  Lord 
Kilkee  called  the  "  Picture  Gallery,"  which,  for  all  I  knew  to  the 
contrary,  contained  but  one  fair  portrait.  I  am  not  a  believer  in 
Mesmer  ;  but  certainly  there  must  have  been  some  influence  at  work 
very  like  what  we  hear  of  in  magnetism — for  before  the  breakfast 
was  concluded,  there  seemed  at  once  to  spring  up  a  perfect  under- 
standing between  this  family  and  myself,  which  made  me  feel  as 
much  chez  moi  as  I  had  ever  done  in  my  life  ;  and  from  that  hour  I 
may  date  an  intimacy  which  every  succeeding  day  but  served  to  in- 
crease. 

After  breakfast  Lord  Callonby  consigned  me  to  the  guidance  of 
his  son,  and  we  sallied  forth  to  deal  destruction  amongst  the  phea- 
sants with  which  the  preserves  were  stocked ;  and  here  I  may  ob- 
serve, en  passant,  that  with  the  single  exception  of  fox-hunting, 
which  was  ever  a  passion  with  me,  I  never  could  understand  that 
inveterate  pursuit  of  game  to  which  some  men  devote  themselves ; 
thus,  grouse-shooting,  and  its  attendant  pleasures,  of  stumping  over 
a  boggy  mountain  from  daylight  till  dark,  never  had  much  attrac- 
tion for  me;  and  as  to  the  delights  of  widgeon  and  wild-duck  shoot- 
ing, when  purchased  by  sitting  up  all  night  in  a  barrel,  with  your 
eye  to  the  bung,  I'll  none  of  it — no,  no!  give  me  shooting  or  angling 
merely  as  a  divertimento,  a  pleasant  interlude  between  breakfaist  aut^ 


439133 


88  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

luncheon-time,  when,  consigning  your  Manton  to  a  corner,  and  the 
gamekeeper  "  to  the  dogs,"  you  once  more  humanize  your  costume 
to  take  a  canter  with  the  daughters  of  the  house  ;  or,  if  the  day  look 
louringly,  a  match  of  billiards  with  the  men. 

I  have  ever  found  that  the  happiest  portions  of  existence  are  the 
most  difficult  to  chronicle.  We  may — nay,  we  must,  impart  our 
miseries  and  annoyances  to  our  many  "  dear  friends,"  whose  forte 
is  sympathy  or  consolation — and  all  men  are  eloquent  on  the  sub-  ■ 
ject  of  their  woes;  not  so  with  their  joys:  some  have  a  miser-like 
pleasure  in  hoarding  them  up  for  their  own  private  gratification ; 
others — and  they  are  prudent — feel  that  the  narrative  is  scarcely 
agreeable  even  to  their  best  friends  ;  and  a  few,  of  whom  I  confess 
myself  one,  are  content  to  be  happy  without  knowing  why,  and  to 
have  pleasant  souvenirs  without  being  able  to  explain  them. 

Such  must  be  my  apology  for  not  more  minutely  entering  upon 
an  account  of  my  life  at  Callonby.  A  fortnight  had  now  seen  me 
enfonc6,  the  daily  companion  of  two  beautiful  girls  in  all  their  walks 
and  rides,  through  a  romantic,  unfrequented  country,  seeing  but 
little  of  the  other  members  of  the  family,  the  gentlemen  being  en- 
tirely occupied  with  their  election  tactics,  and  Lady  Callonby,  being 
a  late  riser,  seldom  appearing  before  the  dinner  hour.  There  was 
not  a  cliff  on  the  bold  and  rocky  coast  we  did  not  climb,  not  a  cave 
upon  the  pebbly  beach  unvisited ;  sometimes  my  fair  companions 
would  bring  a  volume  of  Metastasio  down  to  the  little  river  where  I 
used  to  angle;  and  the  "gentle  craft"  was  often  abandoned  for  the 
heart-thrilling  verses  of  that  delightful  poet.  Yes,  many  years  have 
passed  over,  and  these  scenes  are  still  as  fresh  in  my  memory  as 
though  they  had  been  of  yesterday.  In  my  memory,  I  say,  "  as  for 
thee," 

"  Chi  sa  se  mai 
Ti  sovverrai  di  me?" 

At  the  end  of  three  weeks  the  house  became  full  of  company, 
from  the  garret  to  the  cellar.  Country  gentlemen  and  their  wives 
and  daughters  came  pouring  in  on  every  species  of  conveyance 
known  since  the  Flood  ;  family  coaches,  which,  but  for  their  yellow 
panels,  might  have  been  mistaken  for  hearses,  and  high  barouches, 
the  ascent  to  which  was  accomplished  by  a  step-ladder,  followed 
each  other  in  what  appeared  a  never-ending  succession  ;  and  here  I 
may  note  an  instance  of  the  anomalous  character  of  the  convey- 
ances, from  an  incident  to  which  I  was  a  witness  at  the  time. 

Among  the  visitors  on  the  second  day  came  a  maiden  lady  from 
the  neighborhood  of  Ennistimon,  Miss  Elizabeth  O'Dowd,  the  last 
of  a  very  old  and  highly  resj)cctable   family  in  the  county,  and 


LIFE  A T  CALLOXn Y.  39 

whose  extensive  proportj',  thickly  studded  with  freeholders,  was  a 
strong  reiuson  lor  her  being  paid  every  attention  in  Lord  Callonby's 
power  to  bestow.  Miss  Betty  O'Dowd — for  so  she  was  popularly 
styled — was  the  very  personification  of  an  old  maid;  stiff  as  a  ram- 
rod, and  so  rigid  in  the  observance  of  the  proprieties  of  female  con- 
duct, that,  in  the  estimation  of  the  Clare  gentry,  Diana  was  a  hoy- 
den compared  to  her. 

Miss  Betty  lived,  as  I  have  said,  near  Ennistimon,  and  the  road 
from  thence  to  Callonby  at  the  time  I  speak  of — it  was  before  Mr. 
Nimmo — was  as  like  the  bed  of  a  mountain  torrent  as  a  respectable 
highway ;  there  were  holes  that  would  have  made  a  grave  for  any 
maiden  lady  within  fifty  miles;  and  rocks  thickly  scattered,  enough 
to  prove  fatal  to  the  strongest  wheels  that  ever  issued  from  "  Hut- 
ton's."  Miss  O'Dowd  knew  this  well ;  she  had  upon  one  occasion 
been  upset  in  travelling  it — and  a  slate-colored  silk  dress  bore  the 
dye  of  every  species  of  mud  and  mire  to  be  found  there,  for  many  a 
year  after,  to  remind  her  of  her  misfortune,  and  keep  open  the 
wound  of  her  sorrow.  When,  therefore,  the  invitation  to  Callonby 
arrived,  a  grave  council  of  war  was  summoned  to  deliberate  upon 
the  mode  of  transit,  for  the  honor  could  not  be  declined,  "  caiitequ'il 
coiite."  The  chariot  was  out  of  the  question  :  Nicholas  declared  it 
would  never  reach  the  "  Morian  Beg,"  as  the  first  precipice  Avas 
called  ;  the  inside  car  was  long  since  pronounced  unfit  for  hazardous 
enterprise;  and  the  only  resource  left  was  Avhat  is  called,  in  Hiber- 
nian parlance,  a  "low-backed  car,"  that  is,  a  car  without  any  back 
whatever;  it  being  neither  more  nor  less  than  the  common  agricul- 
tural conveyance  of  the  country,  upon  which,  a  feather-bed  being 
laid,  the  farmers'  wives  and  daughters  are  generally  conveyed 
to  fairs,  wakes,  stations,  &c.  Putting  her  dignity,  if  not  in  her 
pocket,  at  least  wherever  it  could  be  most  easily  accommodated, 
Miss  O'Dowd  placed  her  fair  self,  in  all  the  plenitude  of  her  charms 
and  the  grandeur  of  a  "  bran-new  green  silk,"  a  "  little  off  the 
grass,  and  on  the  bottle"  (I  love  to  be  particular),  upon  this  humble 
conveyance,  and  set  out  on  her  way,  if  not  "  rejoicing,"  at  least 
consoled  by  Nicholas,  that  "It  'id  be  black  dark  when  they  reached 
the  house,  and  the  devil  a  one  'id  be  the  wiser  than  if  she  came  in  a 
coach  and  four."  Nicholas  was  right ;  it  was  perfectly  dark  on 
their  arrival  at  Callonby,  and  Miss  O'Dowd  having  dismounted,  and 
shaken  her  plumage,  a  little  crumpled  by  her  half-recumbent 
position  for  eight  miles,  appeared  in  tlie  drawing-room,  to  receive 
the  most  courteous  attentions  from  Lady  Callonby,  and  from  his 
lordship  the  most  flattering  speeches  for  her  kindness  in  risking 
herself  and  bringing  "  her  horses"  on  such  a  dreadful  road,  and 
assuring  her  of  his  getting  a  presentment  the  very  next  assizes  to 


40  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

repair  it, — "  For  we  intend,  Miss  O'Dowd,"  said  he,  "  to  be  most 
troublesome  neighbors  to  you  in  future." 

The  evening  passed  off  most  happily.  Miss  O'Dowd  was  de- 
lighted with  her  hosts,  whose  character  she  resolved  to  uphold  in 
spite  of  their  reputation  for  pride  and  haughtiness.  Lady  Jane 
sang  an  Irish  melody  for  her,  Lady  Callonby  gave  her  slips  of  a 
rose  geranium  she  got  from  the  Princess  Augusta,  and  Lord  Kilkee 
won  her  heart  by  the  performance  of  that  most  graceful  step  yclept 
"  cover  the  buckle,"  in  an  Irish  jig.  But  alas !  how  short-lived  is 
human  bliss,  for  while  this  estimable  lady  revelled  in  the  full  enjoy- 
ment of  the  hour,  the  sword  of  Damocles  hung  suspended  above 
her  head ;  in  plain  English,  she  had,  on  arriving  at  Callonby,  to 
prevent  any  unnecessary  scrutiny  into  the  nature  of  her  convey- 
ance, ordered  Nicholas  to  be  at  the  door  punctually  at  eleven ;  and 
then,  to  take  an  opportunity  of  quietly  slipping  open  the  drawing- 
room  door,  and  giving  her  an  intimation  of  it,  that  she  might  take 
her  leave  at  once.  Nicholas  was  up  to  time,  and  having  disposed 
the  conveyance  under  the  shadow  of  the  porch,  made  his  way  to  the 
door  of  the  drawing-room  unseen  and  unobserved.  He  opened  it 
gently  and  noiselessly,  merely  sufficient  to  take  a  survey  of  the 
apartment,  in  which,  from  the  glare  of  the  lights,  and  the  busy  hum 
of  voices,  he  was  so  bewildered  that  it  was  some  minutes  before  he 
recognized  his  mistress.  At  last  he  perceived  her  ;  she  was  seated 
at  a  card  table,  playing  whist,  with  Lord  Callonby  for  her  partner. 
Who  the  other  players  were,  he  knew  not.  A  proud  man  was 
Nicholas,  as  he  saw  his  mistress  thus  placed,  actually  sitting,  as  he 
afterwards  expressed  it,  "  forenint  the  Lord  ; "  but  his  thoughts 
were  bent  on  other  matters,  and  it  was  no  time  to  indulge  his 
vauntings. 

He  strove  for  some  time  patiently  to  catch  her  eye,  for  she  was  so 
situated  as  to  permit  of  this,  but  without  success.  He  then  made  a 
slight  attempt  to  attract  her  attention  by  beckoning  with  his 
fingers;  all  in  vain.  "Oh,  murther,"  said  he,  "  what  is  this  for  ? 
I'll  have  to  spake  afther  all." 

"  Four  by  honors,"  said  his  lordship,  "  and  the  odd  trick.  Another 
double,  I  believe.  Miss  O'Dowd." 

Miss  O'Dowd  nodded  a  graceful  assent,  while  a  sharp-looking  old 
dowager  at  the  side  of  the  table  called  out,  "A  rubber  of  four 
only,  my  lord ; "  and  now  began  an  explanation  from  the  whole 
party  at  once.  Nicholas  saw  this  was  his  time,  and  thought  that  in 
the  m(;l6e,  his  hint  might  reach  his  mistress  unobserved  by  the  re- 
mainder of  the  company.  He  accordingly  protruded  his  head  into 
the  room,  and  placing  his  finger  on  the  side  of  his  nose,  and  shut- 
ting one  eye  knowingly,  with  an  air  of  great  secrecy,  whispered  out, 


LIFE  AT  CALLONBT.  41 

"Miss  Betty  —  Miss  Betty,  alanah !"  For  some  minutes  the 
hum  of  the  voices  drowned  his  admonitions,  but  as,  by  degrees 
waxing  warmer  in  the  cause,  he  called  out  more  loudly,  every  eye 
was  turned  to  the  spdt  from  whence  these  extraordinary  sounds 
proceeded ;  and  certainly  the  appearance  of  Nicholas  at  tlie  moment 
was  well  calculated  to  astonish  the  company  of  a  drawing-room. 
With  his  one  eye  fixed  eagerly  in  the  direction  of  his  mistress,  his 
red  scratch  wig  pushed  back  off  his  forehead,  in  the  eagerness  of 
his  endeavor  to  be  heard,  there  he  stood,  ])erfectly  unmindful  of  all 
around,  save  Miss  O'Dowd  herself.  It  may  well  be  believed  that 
such  an  apparition  could  not  be  witnessed  Avith  gravity,  and,  accord- 
ingly, a  general  titter  ran  through  the  room,  the  whist  party,  still 
contending  about  odd  tricks  and  honors,  being  the  only  persons 
insensible  to  the  mirth  around  them.  "Miss  Betty,  arrah,  Miss 
Betty,"  said  Nicholas,  with  a  sigh,  that  converted  the  subdued 
laughter  of  the  guests  into  a  perfect  burst  of  mirth. 

"Eh,"  said  his  lordship,  turning  round,  "what  is  this?  We  are 
losing  something  excellent,  I  fear." 

At  this  moment  he  caught  a  glimpse  of  Nicholas,  and,  throwing 
himself  back  in  his  chair,  laughed  immoderately.  It  was  now  Miss 
Betty's  turn ;  she  was  about  to  rise  from  the  table,  when  the  well- 
known  accents  of  Nicholas  fell  upon  her  ear.  She  fell  back  in  her 
seat.  There  he  was — the  messenger  of  the  foul  fiend  himself  would 
have  been  more  welcome  at  that  moment.  Her  blood  rushed  to  her 
face  and  temples ;  her  hands  tingled ;  she  closed  her  eyes,  and  when 
she  opened  them,  there  stood  the  accursed  Nicholas  glowering  at  her 
still. 

"Man — man  I"  said  she  at  length,  "what  do  you  mean?  What 
do  you  want  here  ?" 

Poor  Nicholas,  little  guessing  that  the  question  was  intended  to 
throw  a  doubt  upon  her  acquaintance  with  him,  and  conceiving  that 
the  hour  for  the  announcement  had  come,  hesitated  for  an  instant 
how  he  should  designate  the  conveyance.  He  could  not  call  it  a 
coach  I  it  certainly  was  not  a  buggy — neither  was  it  a  jaunting  car : 
what  should  he  say?  He  looked  earnestly,  and  even  imploringly, 
at  his  mistress,  as  if  to  convey  some  sense  of  his  difiiculty,  and  then, 
as  it  were  catching  a  sudden  inspiration,  winked  once  more,  as  he 
said, — 

"  Miss  Betty — the — the — the " — and  here  he  looked  inde- 
scribably droll — "  the  thing  you  know  is  at  the  door." 

All  his  lordship's  politeness  w^as  too  little  for  the  occasion,  and 
Miss  O'Dowd's  tenantry  were  lost  to  the  Callonby  interest  forever. 


42  HARRY  LOREEQUER. 


CHAPTER   IV. 

BOTANICAL  STUDIES — THE  NATURAL  SYSTEM  PREFERABLE  TO  THE 

LINN^AN. 

THE  carriage  is  at  the  door,  my  lord,"  said  a  servant,  entering 
the  hmcheon-room  where  we  were  all  assembled. 
"  Now,  then,  Mr.  Lorrequer,"  said  Lord  Callonby,  "  allons, 
take  another  glass  of  wine,  and  let  us  away.     I  expect  you  to  make 
a  most  brilliant  speech,  remember !" 

His  lordship  here  alluded  to  our  intention  of  visiting  a  remote 
barony,  where  a  meeting  of  the  freeholders  was  that  day  to  be  held, 
and  at  which  I  was  pledged  for  a  "neat  and  appropriate"  oration  ia 
abuse  of  the  Corn-laws  and  the  Holy  Alliance. 

"I  beg  pardon,  my  lord,"  said  her  ladyship,  in  a  most  languishing 
tone ;  "  but  Mr.  Lorrequer  is  pre-engaged  ;  he  has  for  the  last  week 
been  promising  and  deferring  his  visit  to  the  new  conservatory  with 
me,  where  he  is  to  find  out  four  or  five  of  the  Swiss  shrubs  that 
Collins  cannot  make  out,  and  which  I  am  dying  to  know  all  about." 

"  Mr.  Lorrequer  is  a  false  man,  then,"  said  Lady  Catherine,  "  for 
he  said  at  breakfast  that  he  should  devote  this  afternoon  to  the 
chalk  caves,  as  the  tide  will  be  so  far  out  that  we  can  see  them  all 
perfectly." 

"And  I,"  said  Lord  Kilkee,  "must  put  in  my  plea,  that  the  afore- 
said Mr.  Lorrequer  is  booked  for  a  coursing  match — '  Mouche  versus 
Jessie.' — Guilty  or  not  guilty?" 

Lady  Jane  alone  of  all  said  not  a  word. 

" Guilty  on  every  count  of  the  indictment,"  said  I ;  "I  throw 
myself  on  the  mercy  of  the  court." 

"  Let  his  sentence,  then,  be  banishment,"  said  Lady  Catherine, 
with  affected  anger,  "  and  let  him  go  with  papa." 

"I  rather  think,"  said  Lord  Kilkee,  "the  better  plan  is  to  let  him 
visit  the  conservatory,  for  I'd  wager  a  fifty  he  finds  it  more  difiicult 
to  invent  botany  than  canvass  freeholders — eh  ?" 

"  I  am  sure,"  said  Lady  Jane,  for  the  first  time  breaking  silence, 
"that  mamma  is  infinitely  flattered  by  the  proposal  that  Mr.  Lor- 
requer's  company  is  to  be  conferred  upon  her  for  her  sins." 

"  I  am  not  to  be  aff'ronted,  nor  quizzed  out  of  my  chaperon ; 
here,  Mr.  Lorrequer,"  said  Lady  Callonby,  rising,  "get  Smith's 
book  there,  and  let  me  have  your  arm ;  and  now,  young  ladies,  come 
along,  and  learn  something,  if  you  can." 

"  An  admirable  proviso,"  said  Lord  Kilkee,  laughing,  "  if  hia 
botany  be  only  as  authentic  as  the  autographs  he  gave  Mrs.  MacDcr- 
mott,  and   all  of  which   he  wrote   himself,  in  my  dressing-room, 


BOTANICAL  STUDIES.  43 

in   lifllf  an   hour.     Napoleon   was   the  only   difficult  one  of  the 
number." 

^lost  fortunately  this  unfair  disclosure  did  not  reach  her  lady- 
ship's ears,  as  she  was  busily  engaged  putting  on  her  bonnet,  and  I 
was  yet  unassailed  in  reputation  to  her. 

"Good-bye,  then,"  said  Lord  Cnllonby;  "we  meet  at  seven." 
And  in  a  few  moments  the  little  jjarty  were  scattered  to  their  several 
destinations. 

"  How  very  hot  you  have  this  place,  Collins,"  said  Lady  Callonby, 
as  we  entered  the  conservatory. 

"  Only  seventy-five,  my  lady,  and  the  magnolias  require  heat." 

I  here  dropped  a  little  behind,  as  if  to  examine  a  plant,  and  in  a 
half-wliisper  said  to  Lady  Jane, — 

"  How  came  it  that  you  alone,  Lady  Jane,  should  forget  that  I 
had  made  another  appointment?  I  thought  you  wished  to  make  a 
sketch  of  Craigmoran  Abbey — did  you  forget  that  we  were  to  ride 
there  to-day  ?" 

Before  she  could  reply.  Lady  Callonby  called  out,  "  Oh,  here  it 
is,  Mr.  Lorrequer.     Is  this  a  heath  ?  that  is  the  question," 

Here  her  ladyship  pointed  to  a  little  scrubby  thing  that  looked 
very  like  a  birch  rod.  I  proceeded  to  examine  it  most  minutely, 
while  Collins  waited  with  all  the  intense  anxiety  of  a  man  whose 
character  depended  on  the  sentence. 

"  Collins  will  have  it  a  jungermania,"  said  she. 

"  And  Collins  is  right,"  said  I,  not  trusting  myself  with  the  pro- 
nunciation of  the  awful  word  her  ladyship  uttered. 

Collins  looked  ridiculously  happy. 

"  Now  that  is  so  delightful,"  said  Lady  Callonby,  as  she  stopped 
to  look  for  another  puzzle. 

"  What  a  wretch  it  is,"  said  Lady  Catherine,  covering  her  face 
•with  a  handkerchief. 

"  What  a  beautiful  little  flower,"  said  Lady  Jane,  lifting  up  the 
bell  of  a  lobelia  splendens. 

"  You  know,  of  course,"  said  I,  "  what  they  call  that  flower  in 
France — L'amour  tendre." 

"  Indeed !" 

"True,  I  assure  you;  may  I  present  you  with  this  sprig  of  it?'^ 
cutting  off  a  small  twig,  and  presenting  it  at  the  same  instant 
unseen  by  the  others. 

She  hesitated  for  an  instant,  and  then  extending  her  fair  and 
taper  hand,  took  it.  I  dared  not  look  at  her  as  she  did  so,  but  a 
proud  swelling  triumph  at  my  heart  nearly  choked  me. 

"Now,  Collins,"  said  Lady  Calloiiliy,  "I  cannot  find  the  Alpine 
tree  I  brought  from  the  Griiudeuwald." 


44  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

Collins  hurried  forward  to  her  ladyship's  side. 

Lady  Catherine  was  also  called  to  assist  in  the  search. 

I  was  alone  with  Lady  Jane. 

"  Now  or  never,"  thought  I ;  I  hesitated— I  stammered— my  voice 
faltered.  She  saw  my  agitation ;  she  participated  in  and  increased 
it.  At  last  I  summoned  up  courage  to  touch  her  hand ;  she  gently 
withdrew  it— but  so  gently,  it  was  not  a  repulse. 

"If,  Lady  Jane,"  said  I  at  length— "if  the  devoted " 

"  Holloa,  there,"  said  a  deep  voice  without,  "  is  Mr.  Lorrequer 
there?" 

It  was  Lord  Kilkee,  returned  from  his  coursing  match.  None 
but  he  who  has  felt  such  an  interruption  can  feel  for  me.  I  shame 
to  say  that  his  brotherhood  to  her,  for  whom  I  would  have  perilled 
my  life,  restrained  me  not  from  something  very  like  a  hearty  com- 
mendation of  him  to  the  powers  that 

"Down,  dogs,  there — down!"  continued  he,  and  in  a  moment 
after  entered  the  conservatory,  flushed  and  heated  with  the  chase. 

"  Mouche  is  the  winner — two  to  one — and  so,  Master  Shallow,  I 
owe  you  a  thousand  pounds." 

Would  to  Heaven  that  I  had  lost  the  wager,  had  it  only  taken  a 
little  longer  to  decide  it  I  I  of  course  appeared  overjoyed  at  my 
dog's  success,  and  listened  with  great  pretence  of  interest  to  the 
narrative  of  the  "run;"  the  more  so  because,  though  perhaps  more 
my  friend  than  the  elder  members  of  the  family,  Lord  Kilkee  evi- 
dently liked  less  than  them  my  growing  intimacy  with  his  sister ; 
and  I  was  anxious  to  blind  him  on  the  present  occasion,  when,  but 
for  his  recent  excitement,  very  little  penetration  would  have  enabled 
him  to  detect  that  something  unusual  had  taken  place. 

It  was  now  so  nearly  dark,  that  her  ladyship's  further  search  for 
the  Alpine  treasure  became  impossible,  and  so  we  turned  our  steps 
towards  the  garden,  where  we  continued  to  walk  till  joined  by  Lord 
Callonby.  And  now  began  a  most  active  discussion  upon  agricul- 
ture, rents,  tithes,  and  toryism,  in  which  the  ladies  took  but  little 
part ;  and  I  had  the  mortification  to  perceive  that  Lady  Jane  was 
excessively  bored,  and  seized  the  first  opportunity  to  leave  tlie  party 
and  return  to  the  house ;  while  her  sister  gave  me  from  time  to  time 
certain  knowing  glances,  as  if  intimating  that  my  knowledge  of 
farming  and  political  economy  was  pretty  much  on  a  par  with  my 
proficiency  in  botany. 

"  One  has  discovered  me  at  least,"  thought  I ;  but  the  bell  had 
rung  to  dress  for  dinner,  and  I  hastened  to  my  room  to  think  over 
future  plans,  and  once  more  wonder  at  the  singular  position  into 
which  fate  and  the  "  rules  of  the  service  "  had  thrown  me. 


PUZZLED.  45 

CHAPTER    V. 

PUZZLED — EXPLANATION  MAKES  BAD  WORSE — A  DUEL. 

HAVE  you  any  letters  ?"  said  her  ladyship  to  a  servant,  as  she 
crossed  the  hall, 
"  Only  one,  my  lady — for  Mr.  Lorrequer,  I  believe." 
"For  me!"  thought  I;  "how  is  this?"  My  letters  had  been 
hitherto  always  left  in  Kilrush.  Why  was  this  forwarded  here?  I 
hurried  to  the  drawing-room,  where  I  found  a  double  letter  awaiting 
me.  The  writing  was  Curzon's,  and  contained  the  words  "  To  be 
forwarded  with  haste  "  on  the  direction.  I  opened  and  read  as  fol- 
lows : 

"Dear  Lorrequer: — Have  you  any  recollection,  among  your 
numerous  '  escapades  '  at  Cork,  of  having  grievously  insulted  a  cer- 
tain Mr.  Giles  Beamish,  in  thought,  word,  or  deed  ?  If  you  have,  I 
say,  let  me  know  with  all  convenient  despatch  whether  the  oflence 
be  one  admitting  of  apology,  for  if  not,  the  Lord  have  mercy  on 
your  soul — a  more  wrothy  gentleman  than  the  aforesaid  it  having 
rarely  been  my  evil  fortune  to  foregather  with.  He  called  hero 
yesterday  to  inquire  your  address,  and  at  my  suggestion  wrote  a 
note  which  I  now  enclose.  I  write  in  great  haste,  and  am  ever 
yours  faithfully, 

"C.   CURZON. 

"  N.B. — I  have  not  seen  his  note,  so  explain  all  and  everything." 
The  enclosed  ran  thus : 

"  Sir  : — It  can  scarcely  have  escaped  your  memory,  though  now 
nearly  two  months  since,  that  at  the  Mayor's  dejeuner  in  Cork,  you 
were  pleased  to  make  merry  at  my  expense,  and  expose  me  and  my 
family  for  your  amusement.  This  is  to  demand  an  immediate 
apology,  or  that  satisfaction  which,  as  an  oflicer,  you  will  not  refuse 
your  most  obedient  servant, 

"Giles  Beamish. 

"Swinburne's  Hotel." 

"Giles  Beamish!  Giles  Beamish!"  said  I,  repeating  the  name  in 
every  variety  of  emphasis,  hoping  to  obtain  some  clue  to  the  writer. 
Had  I  been  appointed  the  umpire  between  Dr.  Wall  and  his  re- 
viewers, in  the  late  controversy  about  "Phonetic  signs,"  I  could  not 
have  been  more  completely  puzzled  than  by  the  contents  of  this 
note.  "  Make  merry  at  his  expense !" — a  great  offence  truly.  I 
suppose  I  have  laughed  at  better  men  than  ever  he  was ;  and  I  can 


46  HAIiE  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

only  say  of  such  innocent  amusement,  as  Falstaff  did  of  sack  and 
sugar,  "if  such  be  a  sin,  then  Heaven  help  the  wielded."  But  I 
wish  I  knew  who  he  is,  or  what  he  alludes  to,  provided  he  is  not 
mad,  which  I  begin  to  think  not  improbable.  "By  the  by,  my  lord, 
do  you  know  any  such  person  in  the  south  as  a  Mr.  Beamish — Giles 
Beamish  ?" 

"To  be  sure,"  said  Lord  Callonby,  looking  up  from  his  newspaper; 
"  ;;here  are  several  of  the  name  of  the  highest  respectability.  One 
is  an  alderman  of  Cork — a  very  rich  man,  too — but  I  don't  remember 
his  Christian  name." 

"  An  alderman,  did  you  say  ?" 

"  Yes,  Alderman  Beamish  is  very  well  known.  I  have  seen  him 
frequently — a  short,  florid,  little  man." 

"  Oh,  it  must  be  he,"  said  I,  musingly ;  "  it  must  have  been  this 
worthy  alderman  from  whose  worshipful  person  I  tore  the  robe  of 
office  on  the  night  of  the  fete.  But  what  does  he  mean  by  '  my 
exposing  him  and  his  family?'  Why,  zounds,  his  wife  and  children 
were  not  with  him  on  the  pavement.  Oh,  I  see  it;  it  is  the  Mansion 
House  school  of  eloquence ;  did  not  Sir  William  Curtis  apologize 
for  not  appearing  at  court  from  having  lost  an  eye,  which  he  desig- 
nated as  an  awful  '  domestic  calamity  ?'  " 

It  being  now  settled  to  my  satisfaction  that  Mr.  Beamish  and  the 
great  uncloaked  were  "  convertible  terms,"  I  set  about  making  tho 
amende  in  the  most  handsome  manner  possible.  I  wrote  to  the  alder- 
man a  most  pacific  epistle,  regretting  that  my  departure  from  Cork 
deprived  me  of  making  reparation  before,  and  expressing  a  mos^ 
anxious  hope  that  "he  caught  no  cold,"  and  a  fervent  wish  that  "he 
would  live  many  years  to  grace  and  ornament  the  dignity  of  which 
his  becoming  costume  was  the  emblem."  This  I  enclosed  in  a  note 
to  Curzon,  telling  him  how  the  matter  occurred,  and  requesting  that 
he  would  send  it  by  his  servant,  together  with  the  scarlet  vestment 
which  he  would  find  in  my  dressing-room.  Having  folded  and  sealed 
this  despatch,  I  turned  to  give  Lord  Callonby  an  account  of  the 
business,  and  showed  him  Beamish's  note,  at  which  he  was  greatly 
amused:  and,  indeed,  it  furnished  food  for  mirth  for  the  whole  {tarty 
during  the  evening.  The  next  morning  I  set  out  with  Lord  Callonby 
on  the  long-threatened  canvassing  expedition — with  the  details  of 
which  I  need  not  burden  my  "Confessions."  Suffice  it  to  say,  that 
when  Lord  Kilkee  was  advocating  toryism  in  the  west,  I,  his 
accredited  ambassador,  was  devoting  to  the  infernal  gods  the  prelacy, 
the  peerage,  and  the  pension  list — a  mode  of  canvass  well  worthy 
of  imitation  in  these  troublesome  times ;  for,  not  to  speak  of  the 
great  prospect  of  success  from  having  friends  on  both  sides  of  the 
question,  the  principal  can  always  divest  himself  of  any  unpleasant 


PUZZLED.  47 

consequences  as  regards  inconsistency,  by  throwing  the  blame  on  his 
friend,  "who  went  too  far,"  as  the  appropriate  phrase  is. 

Nothing  could  be  more  successful  than  our  mission.  Lord  Callonby 
was  delighted  beyond  bounds  with  the  prospect,  and  so  completely 
carried  away  by  high  si)irits,  and  so  perfectly  assured  that  much  of 
it  was  owing  to  my  exertions,  that  on  the  second  morning  of  our 
tour — for  we  proceeded  through  the  county  for  three  days — he  came 
laughing  into  my  dressing-room,  with  a  newspaper  in  his  hand. 

"Here,  Lorrequer,"  said  he,  "here's  news  for  you.  You  certainly 
must  read  this."  And  he  handed  me  a  copy  of  the  Clare  Herald, 
with  an  account  of  our  meeting  the  evening  before. 

After  glancing  my  eye  rapidly  over  the  routine  usual  in  such 
cases — Humph,  ha — nearly  two  hundred  pcoj)lc — most  respectable 
farmers — room  appropriately  decorated — "  Callonby  Arms" — "  after 

the  usual  loyal  toasts,  the  chairman  rose" Well,  no  matter.     Ah  I 

here  it  is:  "Mr.  Lorrequer  here  addressed  the  meeting  with  a  flov/ 
of  eloquence  it  has  rarely,  if  ever,  been  our  privilege  to  hear  equalled. 
He  began  by — humph " 

"Ah,"  said  his  lordship,  impatiently,  "you  will  never  find  it  out- 
look here — 'Mr.  Lorrequer,  whom  we  have  mentioned  as  having 
made  the  highly-exciting  speech,  to  be  found  on  our  first  page,  is, 
we  understand,  the  son  of  Sir  Guy  Lorrequer,  of  Elton,  in  Shrop- 
shire— one  of  the  wealthiest  baronets  in  England.  If  rumor  speaks 
truly,  there  is  a  very  near  prospect  of  an  alliance  between  this 
talented  and  promising  young  gentleman  and  the  beautiful  and 
accomplished  daughter  of  a  certain  noble  earl,  with  whom  he  has 
been  for  some  time  domesticated.' 

"Eh,  what  think  you?  Son  of  Sir  Guy  Lorrequer.  I  always 
thought  my  old  friend  a  bachelor,  but  you  see  the  Clare  Herald 
knows  better.  Not  to  speak  of  the  last  piece  of  intelligence,  it  is 
very  good,  is  it  not  ?" 

"  Capital,  indeed,"  said  I,  trying  to  laugh,  and  at  the  same  time 
blushing  confoundedly,  and  looking  as  ridiculous  as  needs  be. 

It  now  struck  me  forcibly  that  there  was  something  extremely 
odd  in  his  lordship's  mention  of  this  paragraph,  particularly  when 
coupled  with  his  and  Lady  Callonby's  manner  to  me  for  the  last 
two  months.  They  knew  enough  of  my  family,  evidently,  to  be 
aware  of  my  station  and  prospects — or  rather  my  want  of  both — 
and  yet,  in  the  face  of  this,  they  not  only  encouraged  me  to  prolong 
a  most  delightful  visit,  but  by  a  thousand  daily  and  dangerous 
opportunities,  absolutely  threw  me  in  the  way  of  one  of  the  love- 
liest of  her  sex,  seemingly  without  fear  on  their  part.  "  Well !" 
thought  I,  with  my  old  philosophy,  "Time,  that  'pregnant  old  gen- 
tleman,' will  disclose  all,  and  so,  let  us  be  patient  1" 


48  HARRY  LOEREQUER. 

My  reveries  on  my  good  and  evil  fortune  were  suddenly  inter- 
rupted by  a  letter  which  reached  me  that  evening,  having  been  for- 
warded from  Callonby  by  a  special  messenger.  "What!  another 
epistle  from  Curzon,"  said  I,  as  my  eye  caught  the  address ;  and 
wondering  not  a  little  what  pressing  emergency  had  called  forth  the 
words  on  the  cover — "To  be  forwarded  with  haste" — I  eagerly 
broke  the  seal  and  read  the  following: 

"  My  Dear  Haery  : — I  received  yours  on  the  11th,  and  immedi- 
ately despatched  your  note  and  the  raiment  to  Mr.  Beamish.  He 
was  from  home  at  the  time,  but  at  eight  o'clock  I  was  sent  for  from 
the  mess  to  see  two  gentlemen  on  most  pressing  business.  I  hur- 
ried to  my  quarters,  and  there  found  the  aforesaid  Mr.  B.,  accom- 
panied by  a  friend,  whom  he  introduced  as  Dr.  de  Courcy  Finucane, 
of  the  North  Cork  Militia — as  war-like  looking  a  gentleman,  of  his 
inches,  some  five  feet  three,  as  you  would  wish  to  see.  The  moment 
I  appeared,  both  rose,  and  commenced  a  narrative,  for  such  I  judge 
it  to  be,  but  so  energetically  and  so  completely  together,  that  I 
could  only  bow  politely,  and  at  last  request  that  one  or  the  other 
would  inform  me  of  the  object  of  their  visit.  Here  began  the  tug 
of  war,  the  doctor  saying,  '  Arrah,  now, Giles" — Mr.  Beamish  inter- 
rupting by,  '  "Whisht,  I  tell  ye — now,  can't  you  let  me  ?  Ye  see,  Mr. 
Curzoin ' — for  so  they  both  agreed  to  designate  me.  At  last,  com- 
pletely worn  out,  I  said,  *  Perhaps  you  have  not  received  my 
friend's  note?'  At  this  Mr.  Beamish  reddened  to  the  eyes,  and 
with  the  greatest  volubility  poured  forth  a  ilood  of  indignant 
eloquence,  that  I  thought  it  necessary  to  check ;  but  in  this  I  failed, 
for  after  informing  me  pretty  clearly  that  he  knew  nothing  of  your 
story  of  the  alderman,  or  his  cloak,  added,  that  he  firmly  believed 
your  pretended  reparation  was  only  a  renewed  insult,  and  that — 
but,  in  a  word,  he  used  such  language,  that  I  was  compelled  to  take 
him  short;  and  the  finale  is,  that  I  agreed  you  should  meet  him, 
though  still  ignorant  of  what  he  calls  the  'original  offence.'  But 
Heaven  knows,  his  conduct  here  last  night  demands  a  reprimand 
and  I  hope  you  may  give  it;  and  if  you  shoot  him,  we  may  worm 
the  secret  from  his  executors.  Nothing  could  exceed  the  politeness 
of  the  parties  on  my  consenting  to  this  arrangement.  Dr.  Finucane 
proposed  Carrigaholt  as  the  rendezvous,  about  twelve  miles,  I  be- 
lieve, from  Kilrush,  and  Tuesday  evening,  at  six,  as  the  time,  which 
will  be  the  very  earliest  moment  we  can  arrive  there.  So,  pray  be 
up  to  time,  and  believe  me  yours, 

"  C.  Curzon. 

"Saturday  Evening." 


PUZZLED.  49 

It  was  late  on  Monday  evening  when  this  letter  reached  me,  and 
there  was  no  time  to  be  lost,  as  I  was  then  about  forty  Irish  miles 
from  the  place  mentioned  by  Curzon ;  so,  after  briefly  acquainting 
Lord  Callonby  that  I  was  called  oQ"  by  duty,  I  hurried  to  my  room 
to  pack  my  clothes,  and  again  read  over  this  extraordinary  epistle. 

I  confess  it  did  appear  something  droll,  bow  completely  Curzon 
seemed  to  imbibe  the  passion  for  fighting  from  these  "  bloodthirsty 
Irishmen,"  For  by  his  own  showing,  he  was  utterly  ignorant  of 
my  ever  having  offended  this  Mr.  Beamish,  of  whom  I  recollected 
nothing  whatever.  Yet,  when  that  gentleman  waxes  wrothy,  rather 
than  inconvenience  him,  or  perhaps  anxious  to  get  back  to  the  mess, 
he  coolly  says,  "  Oh,  my  friend  shall  meet  you,"  and  then  his  plea- 
sant jest,  "Find  out  the  cause  of  quarrel  from  his  executors!" 

"  Truly,"  thought  I,  "  there  is  no  equanimity  like  his  who  acts  as 
your  second  in  a  duel.  The  gentlemanlike  urbanity  with  which  he 
waits  on  the  oj)posite  friend — the  conciliating  tone  with  which  he 
proffers  implacable  enmity — the  killing  kindness  with  which  he 
refuses  all  accommodation — the  Talleyrand  air  of  bis  short  notes, 
dated  from  the  'Travellers,'  or  'Brookes,'  with  the  words  three 
o'clock  or  five  o'clock  on  the  cover,  all  indicative  of  the  friendly 
precipitancy  of  the  negotiation.  Then  when  all  is  settled,  the  social 
style  with  which  he  asks  you  to  take  a  '  cutlet'  with  him  at  the 
'Clarendon,'  '  not  to  go  home,'  are  only  to  be  equalled  by  the  admi- 
rable tact  on  the  ground — the  studiously  elegant  salute  to  the 
adverse  party,  half  k  la  Napoleon,  and  half  Beau  Brummell— the 
politely  offered  snuff-box — the  coquetting  raillery  about  ten  paces 
or  twelve,  are  certainly  the  beau  ideal  of  the  stoicism  which  pre- 
ludes sending  your  friend  out  of  the  world  like  a  gentleman." 

How  often  is  the  face  of  external  nature  at  variance  with  the 
thoughts  and  actions,  "  sayings  and  doings,"  we  may  be  most  intent 
upon  at  that  moment !  How  many  a  gay  and  brilliant  bridal  party 
has  wended  its  way  to  St.  George's,  Hanover  Square,  amid  a  down- 
pour of  rain  one  would  suppose  sufficient  to  quench  the  torch  of 
Hymen,  though  it  burned  as  brightly  as  Captain  Drunimond's 
oxygen  light;  and,  on  the  other  hand,  how  frequently  are  the  bluest 
azure  of  heaven  and  the  most  balmy  airs  shed  upon  the  heart 
bursting  with  affliction,  or  the  head  bowed  with  grief;  and  without 
any  desire  to  impugn,  as  a  much  higher  authority  has  done,  the 
moral  character  of  the  moon,  how  many  a  scene  of  blood  and  rapine 
has  its  mild  radiance  illumined !  Such  reflections  as  these  came 
thronging  to  my  mind,  as  on  the  afternoon  of  Tuesday  I  neared  the 
little  village  of  our  rendezvous.  The  scene  which,  in  all  its  peaceful 
beauty,  lay  before  me,  was  truly  a  strong  contrast  to  the  occasion 
that  led  me  thither.  I  stood  upon  a  little  peninsula  which  sepa- 
4 


50  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

rates  tlie  Shannon  from  the  wide  Atlantic.  On  one  side  the  placid 
river  flowed  on  its  course,  between  fields  of  waving  corn,  or  rich 
pasturage — the  beautiful  island  of  Scattery,  with  its  picturesque 
ruins,  reflected  in  the  unrij^pled  tide — the  cheerful  voices  of  the 
reapers,  and  the  merry  laugh  of  the  children  were  mingled  with 
the  cry  of  the  sailors,  who  were  "  heaving  short"  on  their  anchor, 
in  order  to  take  the  evening  tide.  The  village,  which  consisted 
merely  of  a  few  small  cabins,  was  still,  from  its  situation,  a  pleasing 
object  in  the  picture,  and  the  blue  smoke  that  rose  in  slender 
columns  from  the  humble  dwellings  took  from  the  scene  its  char- 
acter of  loneliness,  and  suggested  feelings  of  home  and  homely 
enjoyments  which  human  habitations,  however  lowly,  never  fail 
to  do. 

"At  any  other  time,"  thought  I,  "  how  I  could  have  enjoyed  all 
this,  but  now — and,  ha,  I  find  it  is  already  past  five  o'clock,  and  if  I 
am  rightly  informed  I  am  still  above  a  mile  from  '  Carrigaholt,' 
where  we  were  to  meet." 

I  had  dismissed  my  conveyance  when  nearing  the  village,  to  avoid 
observation,  and  now  took  a  footpath  over  the  hills.  Before  I  had 
proceeded  half  a  mile,  the  scene  changed  completely.  I  found 
myself  traversing  a  small  glen,  grown  over  with  a  low  oak  scrub,  and 
not  presenting  on  any  side  the  slightest  trace  of  habitation.  I 
saw  the  ground  had  been  selected  by  an  adept.  The  glen,  which 
grew  narrow  as  I  advanced,  suddenly  disclosed  to  my  view  a  glimpse 
of  the  Atlantic,  upon  which  the  declining  sun  was  pouring  a  flood 
of  purple  glory.  I  had  scarcely  turned  from  the  contemplation  of 
this  beautiful  object,  when  a  long  low  whistle  attracted  my  atten- 
tion. I  looked  in  the  direction  from  whence  it  proceeded,  and  dis- 
covered at  some  distance  from  me  three  figures  standing  beside  the 
ruin  of  an  old  abbey,  which  I  now  for  the  first  time  perceived. 

If  I  had  entertained  any  doubt  as  to  who  they  were,  it  had  been 
speedily  resolved,  for  I  now  saw  one  of  the  party  waving  his  hat  to 
me,  whom  I  now  recognized  to  be  Curzon.  He  came  forward  to 
meet  me,  and,  in  the  few  hundred  yards  that  intervened  before  our 
reaching  the  others,  told  me  as  much  as  he  knew  of  the  opposite 
party,  which,  after  all,  was  but  little.  Mr.  Beamish,  my  adversary, 
he  described  as  a  morose,  fire-eating  Southern,  that  evidently  longed 
for  an  "affair"  with  a  military  man,  then  considered  a  circumstance 
of  some  ^clat  in  the  South  ;  his  second,  the  doctor,  on  the  contrary, 
was  by  far  "  the  best  of  the  cut-throats,"  a  most  amusing  little  per- 
sonage, full  of  his  own  importance,  and  profuse  in  his  legends  of 
his  own  doings  in  love  and  war,  and  evidently  disposed  to  take  the 
pleasing  side  of  every  occurrence  in  life;  they  both  agreed  in  but 
one  point — a  firm  and  fixed  resolve  to  give  no  explanation  of  the 


PUZZLED.  51 

quarrel  with  me.  "So  then,"  said  I,  as  Curzon  hurried  over  the 
preceding  account,  "  you  absolutely  know  nothing  whatever  of  the 
reason  for  which  I  am  about  to  give  this  man  a  meeting," 

"  No  more  than  you,"  said  Curzon,  with  imperturbable  gravity  ; 
"  but  one  thing  I  am  certain  of,  had  I  not  at  once  promised  him 
such,  he  would  have  posted  you  in  Limerick  the  next  morning; 
and,  as  you  know  our  mess-rule  in  the  4 — th,I  thought  it  best " 

"  Oh,  certainly,  quite  right ;  but  now  are  you  quite  certain  I  am 
the  man  who  oflended  him?  for  I  solemnly  assure  you  I  have  not 
tlie  most  remote  recollection  of  having  ever  heard  of  him." 

"  That  point,"  said  Curzon,  "  there  can  be  no  doubt  of,  for  he  not 
only  designated  you  as  Mr.  Harry  Lorrcquer,  but  the  gentleman 
that  made  all  Cork  laugh  so  heartily  by  his  representation  of 
Othello." 

"  Stop  I  "  said  I ;  "  not  a  word  more ;  I'm  his  man." 

By  this  time  we  liad  reached  the  ruins,  and  turning  a  corner,  came 
in  full  contact  with  the  enemy.  They  had  been  resting  themselves 
on  a  tombstone,  and  rose  as  we  approached. 

"Allow  me,"  said  Curzon,  stepping  a  little  in  advance  of  me 
— "  allow  me  to  introduce  my  friend  Mr.  Lorrequer,  Dr.  Finicano 
— Dr.  Finicane,  Mr.  Lorrequer." 

"  Finucane,  if  quite  agreeable  to  you — Finucane,"  said  the  little 
gentleman,  as  he  lifted  his  hat  straight  off  his  head,  and  replaced  it 
most  accurately,  by  way  of  salute.  "  Mr.  Lorrequer,  it  is  with  sin- 
cere pleasure  I  make  your  acquaintance."  Here  Mr.  Beamish 
bowed  stiffly,  in  return  to  my  salutation,  and  at  the  instant  a  kind 
of  vague  sensation  crossed  my  mind  that  those  red  whiskers  and 
that  fiery  face  were  not  seen  for  the  first  time;  but  the  thumb- 
screws of  the  Holy  Office  would  have  been  powerless  to  refresh  my 
memory  as  to  when. 

"Captain,"  said  the  doctor,  "  may  I  request  the  favor  of  your 
company  this  way,  one  minute?"  They  both  walked  aside;  the 
only  words  which  reached  me  as  I  moved  off,  to  permit  their  confer- 
ence, being  an  assurance  on  the  part  of  the  doctor  "  that  it  was  a 
sweet  spot  he  picked  out,  for  by  having  them  placed  north  and 
south,  neither  need  have  a  patch  of  sky  behind  him."  Very  few 
minutes  sufliced  for  preliminaries,  and  they  both  advanced,  smirk- 
ing and  smiling,  as  if  they  had  just  arranged  a  new  plan  for  tlie 
amelioraticm  of  the  poor,  or  the  benefit  of  the  manufacturing 
classes,  instead  of  making  i)reparations  for  sending  a  fellow-creature 
out  of  the  world. 

"  Then,  if  I  understand  you,  captain,"  said  the  doctor,  "  you  step 
the  distance,  and  I  give  the  word." 

"  Exactly,"  said  Curzon. 


52  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

After  a  joking  allusion  to  my  friend's  length  of  limb,  at  which 
we  all  laughed  heartily,  we  were  placed,  Curzon  and  the  doctor 
standing  and  breaking  the  line  between  us ;  the  pistols  were  then 
put  into  our  hands,  the  doctor  saying,—"  Now,  gentlemen,  I'll  just 
retire  six  paces,  and  turn  round,  which  will  be  quite  time  enough  to 
prepare,  and  at  the  word  *  Fire  I'  ye'U  blaze  away  ;  mind  now." 
With  a  knowing  wink,  the  doctor  delivered  this  direction,  and 
immediately  moved  off;  the  word  "  Fire "  followed,  and  both 
pistols  went  off  together.  My  hat  was  struck  near  the  top,  and,  as 
the  smoke  cleared  away,  I  perceived  that  my  ball  had  taken  effect 
upon  my  adversary ;  he  was  wounded  a  little  below  the  knee,  and 
appeared  to  steady  himself  with  the  greatest  difficulty.  "  Your 
friend  is  hit,"  said  Curzon  to  the  doctor,  who  now  came  forward 
with  another  pistol.     "  Your  friend  is  hit." 

"  So  I  perceive,"  said  he,  placing  his  finger  on  the  spot ;  "  but  it 
is  no  harm  in  life ;  so  we  proceed,  if  you  please." 

"  You  don't  mean  to  demand  another  shot  ?"  said  Curzon. 

"  Faith  do  I,"  said  the  doctor,  coolly. 

"Then,"  said  Curzon,  "I  must  tell  you  most  unequivocally  I 
refuse,  and  shall  now  withdraw  my  friend ;  and  had  it  not  been  for 
a  regulation  peculiar  to  our  regiment,  but  never  intended  to  include 
cases  of  this  nature,  we  had  not  been  here  now ;  for  up  to  this  hour 
my  principal  and  myself  are  in  utter  ignorance  of  any  cause  of 
offence  ever  having  been  offered  by  him  to  Mr.  Beamish." 

"  Giles,  do  you  hear  this  ?  "  said  the  doctor. 

But  Giles  did  not  hear  it,  for  the  rapid  loss  of  blood  from  his 
■wound  had  so  weakened  him,  that  he  had  fainted,  and  lay  peaceably 
on  the  grass.  Etiquette  was  now  at  an  end,  and  we  all  ran  forward 
to  assist  the  wounded  man.  For  some  minutes  he  lay  apparently 
quite  senseless,  and  when  he  at  last  rallied  and  looked  wildly  about 
him,  it  appeared  to  be  with  difiiculty  that  he  recalled  any  recollec- 
tion of  the  place,  and  the  people  around  him  ;  for  a  few  seconds  he 
fixed  his  eyes  steadily  upon  the  doctor,  and  with  a  lip  pale  and 
bloodless,  and  a  voice  quivering  from  weakness,  said, — 

"Fin!  didn't  I  tell  ye  that  pistol  always  threw  high?  Oh  !"— 
and  this  he  said  with  a  sigh  that  nearly  overpowered  him — "  oh, 
Fin,  if  you  had  only  given  me  the  saw-handled  one,  that  I  am  used 
to But  it  is  no  good  talking  now." 

In  my  inmost  heart  I  was  grateful  to  the  little  doctor  for  his  mis- 
take, for  I  plainly  perceived  what  "  the  saw-handled  one  he  was 
used  to  "  might  have  done  for  me,  and  could  not  help  muttering  to 
myself,  with  good  Sir  Andrew,  "  If  I  had  known  he  was  so  cunning 
of  fence,  I'd  have  seen  him  d—  before  I  had  fought  with  him." 

Our  first  duty  was  now  to  remove  the  wounded  man  to  the  high 


PUZZLED.  53 

road,  about  which  both  he  himself  and  his  second  seemed  disposed 
to  make  some  dilBculty.  They  spoke  together  for  a  few  moments  in 
a  low  tone  of  voice,  and  then  the  doctor  addressed  us:  "We  feel, 
gentlemen,  this  is  not  a  time  for  any  concealment ;  but  the  truth 
is,  we  have  need  of  great  circumspection  here,  for  I  must  inform 
you  that  we  are  both  of  us  bound  over  in  heavy  recognizances  to 
keep  the  peace." 

"  Bound  over  to  keep  the  peace  1"  said  Curzon  and  myself  to- 
gether. 

"  Nothing  less ;  and  although  there  is  nobody  hereabout  would 
tell,  yet  if  the  affair  got  into  the  papers  by  any  means,  why  there 
are  some  people  in  Cork  would  like  to  press  my  friend  there,  for  he 
is  a  very  neat  shot  when  he  has  the  saw-handle/'  And  here  the 
doctor  Avinked. 

We  had  little  time  permitted  us  to  think  upon  the  oddity  of  meet- 
ing a  man  in  such  circumstances,  for  we  were  now  obliged  to  con- 
tribute our  aid  in  conveying  him  to  the  road,  where  some  means 
might  be  procured  for  his  transfer  to  Kilrush,  or  some  other  town  in 
the  neighborhood,  for  he  was  by  this  time  totally  unable  to  walk. 

After  half  an  hour's  toiling,  we  at  last  did  reach  the  highway,  by 
which  time  I  had  ample  opportunity,  short  as  the  space  was,  to  see 
something  of  the  character  of  our  two  opponents.  It  appeared  that 
the  doctor  exercised  the  most  absolute  control  over  his  large  friend, 
dictating  and  commanding  in  a  tone  which  the  other  never  ventured 
to  resist.  For  a  moment  or  two  ]\Ir.  Beamish  expressed  a  great  de- 
sire to  be  conveyed  by  night  to  Kilrush,  where  he  might  find  means 
to  cross  the  Shannon  into  Kerry.  This,  however,  the  doctor  op- 
posed strenuously,  from  the  risk  of  publicity  ;  and  finally  settled 
that  we  should  all  go  in  a  body  to  his  friend  Father  Maluchi  Bren- 
nan's  house,  only  two  miles  off,  where  the  sick  man  would  have  the 
most  tender  care,  and,  what  the  doctor  considered  equally  indispen- 
sable, we  ourselves  a  most  excellent  supper,  and  a  hearty  welcome. 

"  You  know  Father  Malachi,  of  course,  Mr.  Lorrequer  ?" 

"  I  am  ashamed  to  say  I  do  not." 

"  Not  know  Malachi  Brennan,  and  live  in  Clare  I  Well,  well, 
that  is  strange !  Sure  he  is  the  priest  of  this  country  for  twelve 
miles  in  every  direction  of  you,  and  a  better  man,  and  a  pleasanter, 
there  does  not  live  in  the  diocese ;  though  I'm  his  cousin  that  says 
it." 

After  professing  all  the  possible  pleasure  it  would  afford  my  friend 
and  myself  to  make  the  acquaintance  of  Father  Malachi,  we  pro- 
ceeded to  place  Mr.  Beamish  in  a  car  that  was  passing  at  the  time, 
and  started  for  the  residence  of  the  good  priest.  The  whole  of  the 
way  thither  I  was  occupied  but  by  one  thought,  a  burning  anxiety 


64  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

to  know  the  cause  of  our  quarrel,  and  I  longed  for  the  moment  when 
I  might  get  the  doctor  apart  from  his  friend  to  make  the  inquiry. 

"There — look  down  to  your  left,  where  you  see  the  lights  shining 
so  brightly,  that  is  Father  Malachi's  house  ;  as  sure  as  my  name  is 
De  Courcy  Finucane,  there's  fun  going  on  this  night." 

"  Why  there  certainly  does  seem  a  great  illumination  in  the  valley 
there,"  said  I. 

''May  I  never,"  said  the  doctor,  "if  it  isn't  a  station " 

"  A  station ! — pray,  may  I  ask " 

"You  need  not  ask  a  word  on  the  subject;  for,  if  I  am  a  true 
prophet,  you'll  know  what  it  means  before  morning." 

A  little  more  chatting  together  brought  us  to  a  narrow  road, 
flanked  on  either  side  by  high  hedges  of  hawthorn,  and  in  a  few 
minutes  more  we  stood  before  the  priest's  residence,  a  long,  white- 
washed, thatched  house,  having  great  appearance  of  comfort  and 
convenience.  Arrived  here,  the  doctor  seemed  at  once  to  take  on 
him  the  arrangement  of  the  whole  party ;  for  after  raising  the  latch 
and  entering  the  house,  he  returned  to  us  in  a  few  minutes,  and  said, — 

"  Wait  a  while,  now ;  we'll  not  go  in  to  Father  Malachi  till  we've 
put  Giles  to  bed." 

We  accordingly  lifted  him  from  the  car,  and  assisted  him  into  the 
house,  and,  following  Finucane  down  a  narrow  passage,  at  last 
reached  a  most  comfortable  little  chamber,  with  a  neat  bed.  Here 
we  placed  him,  while  the  doctor  gave  some  directions  to  a  bare- 
headed, red-legged  hussey,  without  shoes  or  stockings,  and  himself 
proceeded  to  examine  the  wound,  which  was  a  more  serious  one  than 
it  at  first  appeared. 

After  half  an  hour  thus  occupied,  during  which  time  roars  of 
merriment  and  hearty  pcals  of  laughter  burst  upon  us  every  time 
the  door  opened,  from  a  distant  part  of  the  house,  where  his  reverence 
was  entertaining  his  friends,  and  which,  as  often  as  they  were  heard 
by  the  doctor,  seemed  to  produce  in  him  sensations  not  unlike  those 
that  afflicted  the  "wedding  guest"  in  the  "Ancient  Mariner,"  when 
he  heard  the  "  loud  bassoon,"  and  as  certainly  imparted  an  equally 
longing  desire  to  be  a  partaker  in  the  mirth,  we  arranged  every- 
thing satisfactorily  for  Mr.  Beamish's  comfort,  and  with  a  large  basin 
of  vinegar  and  water,  to  keep  his  knee  cool,  and  a  strong  tumbler  of 
hot  punch,  to  keep  his  heart  warm — homoeopathic  medicine  is  not 
half  so  new  as  Dr.  Hahnemann  would  make  us  believe — we  left  Mr. 
]joamisli  to  his  own  meditations,  and  doubtless  regrets  that  he  did 
not  get  "the  saw-handled  one  he  was  used  to,"  while  we  proceeded 
to  make  our  bows  to  Father  Malachi  Brennan. 

But,  as  I  have  no  intention  to  treat  the  good  priest  with  ingrati- 
tude, I  shall  not  present  him  to  my  readers  at  the  tail  of  a  chapter. 


THE  PRIEST'S  SUPPER.  55 

CHAPTER   VI. 

THE  priest's  supper — FATHER  MAI.ACHI  AND  THE  COADJUTOR — 
MAJOR   JOXES   AND   THE   ABBE. 

WITH  the  conclusion  of  our  last  chapter  we  left  our  quondam 
antagonist,  Mr.  Beamish,  stretched  at  full  length  upon  a  bed 
practising  homojopathy,  by  administering  hot  punch  to  his 
fever,  while  we  followed  our  chaperon,  Doctor  Finucane,  into  the 
presence  of  the  Rev.  Father  Brennan. 

The  company  into  which  we  now,  without  any  ceremony  on  our 
parts,  introduced  ourselves,  consisted  of  from  five-and-twenty  to 
thirty  persons,  seated  around  a  large  oak  table,  plentifully  provided 
with  materials  for  drinking,  and  cups,  goblets,  and  glasses  of  every 
shape  and  form.  The  moment  we  entered,  the  doctor  stepped  for- 
ward, and  touching  Father  Malachi  on  the  shoulder — for  so  I  rightly 
guessed  him  to  be — presented  himself  to  his  relative,  by  whom  he 
was  welcomed  with  every  demonstration  of  joy.  While  their  recog- 
nitions were  exchanged,  and  while  the  doctor  explained  the  reasons 
of  our  visit,  I  was  enabled,  undisturbed  and  unnoticed,  to  take  a 
brief  survey  of  the  party. 

Father  Malachi  Brennan,  P.P.  of  Carrigaholt,  was  what  I  had 
often  pictured  to  myself  as  the  beau  ideal  of  his  caste.  His  figure 
was  short,  fleshy,  and  enormously  muscular,  and  displayed  propor- 
tions which  wanted  but  height  to  constitute  a  perfect  Hercules ;  his 
legs  so  thick  in  the  calf,  so  taper  in  the  ankle,  looked  like  nothing  I 
know,  except,  perhaps,  the  metal  balustrades  of  Carlisle-bridge ;  his 
face  was  large  and  rosy,  and  the  general  expression,  a  mixture  of 
unbounded  good  humor  and  inexhaustible  drollery,  to  which  the 
restless  activity  of  his  black  and  arched  eyebrows  greatly  con- 
tributed ;  and  his  mouth,  were  it  not  for  a  character  of  sensuality 
and  voluptuousness  about  the  nether  lip,  had  been  actually  hand- 
some ;  his  head  was  bald,  except  a  narrow  circle  close  above  the 
ears,  which  was  marked  by  a  ring  of  curly  dark  hair,  sadly  insuf- 
ficient, however,  to  conceal  a  development  behind,  that,  if  there  be 
truth  in  phrenology,  boded  but  little  happiness  to  the  disciples  of 
Miss  Martineau. 

Add  to  these  external  signs  a  voice  rich,  fluent,  and  racy,  with 
the  mellow  "doric"  of  his  country,  and  you  have  some  faint  resem- 
blance of  one  "every  inch  a  priest."  The  very  antipodes  to  the 
bojihomie  of  this  figure  confronted  him  as  croupier  at  the  foot  of  the 
table.  This,  as  I  afterwards  learned,  was  no  less  a  person  than 
Mister  Donovan,  the  coadjutor  or  "  curate."  He  was  a  tall,  spare, 
iingainly-looking  man  of  about  five-and-thirty,  with  a  pale,  ascetic 


56  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

countenance,  the  only  readable  expression  of  which  vibrated  be- 
tween low  suspicion  and  intense  vulgarity ;  over  his  low,  projecting 
forehead  hung  down  a  mass  of  straight  red  hair ;  indeed — for  nature 
is  not  a  politician — it  almost  approached  an  orange  hue.  This  was 
cut  close  to  the  head  all  round,  and  displayed  in  their  full  propor- 
tions a  pair  of  enormous  ears,  which  stood  out  in  "  relief,"  like  tur- 
rets from  a  watch-tower,  and  with  pretty  much  the  same  object ;  his 
skin  was  of  that  peculiar  color  and  texture  to  which  not  all  "  the 
water  in  great  Neptune's  ocean  "  could  impart  a  look  of  cleanliness, 
while  his  very  voice,  hard,  harsh,  and  inflexible,  was  unprepossess- 
ing and  unpleasant.  And  yet,  strange  as  it  may  seem,  he,  too,  was 
a  correct  type  of  his  order,  the  only  difference  being,  that  Father 
Malachi  was  an  older  coinage,  with  the  impress  of  Douai  or  St. 
Omer,  whereas  Mister  Donovan  was  the  shining  metal,  fresh 
stamped  from  the  mint  of  Maynooth, 

While  thus  occupied  in  my  surveillance  of  the  scene  before  me,  I 
was  roused  by  the  priest  saying, 

"  Ah,  Fin,  my  darling,  you  needn't  deny  it ;  you're  at  the  old 
game,  as  sure  as  my  name  is  Malachi,  and  ye'll  never  be  easy  nor 
quiet  till  ye're  sent  beyond  the  sea,  or  maybe  have  a  record  of  your 
virtues  on  half  a  ton  of  marble  in  the  churchyard  yonder." 

"  Upon  my  honor — upon  the  sacred  honor  of  a  De  Courcy " 

"  Well,  well,  never  mind  it  now ;  ye  see  ye're  just  keeping  your 
friends  cooling  themselves  there  in  the  corner — introduce  me  at 
once.'' 

"  Mr.  Lorrequer,  I'm  sure " 

"  My  name  is  Curzon,"  said  the  adjutant,  bowing. 

"A  mighty  pretty  name,  though  a  little  profane.  Well,  Mr. 
Curseon,"  for  so  he  pronounced  it,  "  ye're  as  welcome  as  the  flowers 
in  May  ;  and  it's  mighty  proud  I  am  to  see  ye  here." 

"  Mr.  Lorrequer,  allow  me  to  shake  your  hand — I've  heard  of  ye 
before." 

There  seemed  nothing  very  strange  in  that ;  for  go  where  I  would 
through  this  county,  I  seemed  as  generally  known  as  ever  was  Brum- 
mell  in  Bond  street. 

'■'Fin  tells  me,"  continued  Father  Malachi,  "that  ye'd  rather  not 
be  known  down  here,  in  regard  of  a  reason  ;"  and  here  he  winked. 
"Make  yourselves  quite  easy ;  the  king's  writ  was  never  but  once  in 
these  parts ;  and  the  'original  and  true  copy'  went  back  to  Limerick 
in  the  stomach  of  the  server ;  they  made  him  eat  it,  Mr.  Lorrequer! 
but  it'.s  as  well  to  be  cautious,  for  there  are  a  good  number  here.  A 
little  dinner,  a  little  quarterly  dinner  we  have  among  us,  Mr. 
Curseon,  to  be  social  together,  and  raise  a  'thrifle'  for  the  Irish 
college  at  Rome,  where  we  have  a  probationer  or  two,  ourselves." 


THE  miESrS  SUPPER.  57 

"  As  good  as  a  station,  and  more  drink,"  whispered  Fin  into  my 
ear. 

"And  now,"  continued  the  priest,  "  ye  must  just  permit  me  to  re- 
christen  ye  both,  and  the  contribution  will  not  be  the  less  for  what 
I'm  going  to  do ;  and  I'm  certain  you'll  not  be  the  worse  for  the 
change,  Mr.  Curscon — though  'tis  only  for  a  few  hours,  ye'll  have  a 
dacent  name." 

As  I  could  see  no  possible  objection  to  this  proposal,  nor  did  Cur- 
zon,  either,  our  only  desire  being  to  maintain  the  secrecy  necessary 
for  our  antagonist's  safetj%  we  at  once  assented;  when  Father 
Malaclii  took  me  by  the  hand,  but  with  such  a  total  change  in  his 
whole  air  and  deportment,  that  I  was  completely  puzzled  by  it.  He 
then  led  me  forward  to  the  company  with  a  good  deal  of  that  cere- 
monious reverence  I  have  often  admired  in  Sir  Charles  Vernon, 
when  conducting  some  full-blown  dowager  through  the  mazes  of  a 
castle  minuet.  The  desire  to  laugh  outright  was  almost  irresistible, 
as  the  Rev.  Father  stood  at  arm's  length  from  me,  still  holding  my 
hand,  and  bowing  to  the  company  pretty  much  in  the  style  of  a 
manager  introducing  a  blushing  debutante  to  an  audience.  A  mo- 
ment more,  and  I  must  have  inevitably  given  way  to  a  burst  of 
laughter,  when  what  was  my  horror  to  hoar  the  priest  present  me  to 
the  company  as  their  "excellent,  worthy,  generous,  and  patriotic 
young  landlord,  Lord  Kilkee.  Cheer,  every  mother's  son  of  ye; 
cheer,  I  say ;"  and  certainly  precept  was  never  more  strenuously 
backed  by  example,  for  he  huzzaed  till  I  thought  he  would  burst  a 
blood-vessel ;  may  I  add,  I  almost  wished  it,  such  was  the  insufler^ 
able  annoyance,  the  chagrin,  this  announcement  gave  me ;  and  I 
waited  witli  eager  impatience  for  the  din  and  clamor  to  subside,  to 
disclaim  every  syllable  of  the  priest's  announcement,  and  take  the 
consequences  of  my  baptismal  epithet,  cost  what  it  might.  To  this 
I  was  impelled  by  many  and  important  reasons.  Situated  as  I  was 
with  respect  to  the  Callonby  family,  my  assumption  of  their  name 
at  such  a  moment  might  get  abroad,  and  the  consequences  to  me  be 
inevitable  ruin  ;  and  independent  of  my  natural  repugnance  to  such 
sailing  under  false  colors,  I  saw  Curzon  laughing  almost  to  suffoca- 
tion at  my  wretched  predicament,  and  (so  strong  within  me  was  the 
dread  of  ridicule)  I  thought,  "  what  a  pretty  narrative  he  is  concoct- 
ing for  the  mess  this  minute."  I  rose  to  reply ;  and  whether  Father 
Malachi,  with  his  intuitive  quickness,  quessed  my  purpose  or  not,  I 
cannot  say,  but  he  certainly  resolved  to  out-mannpuvre  me,  and  he 
succeeded;  while  with  one  hand  he  motioned  to  the  party  to  keep 
silence,  with  the  other  he  took  hold  of  Curzon,  but  with  no  peculiar 
or  very  measured  respect,  and  introduced  him  as  IMr.  M'Neesh,  the 
new  Scotch  steward  and  improver — a  character  at  that  time  whose 


58  EARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

popularity  might  compete  with  a  titlie  proctor  or  an  exciseman.  So 
completely  did  this  tactic  turn  the  tables  upon  the  poor  adjutant, 
■who  the  moment  before  was  exulting  over  me,  that  I  utterly  forgot 
my  own  woes,  and  sat  down  convulsed  with  mirth  at  his  situation — 
an  emotion  certainly  not  lessened  as  I  saw  Curzon  passed  from  one 
to  the  other  at  table,  "  like  a  pauper  to  his  parish,"  till  he  found  an 
asylum  at  the  very  foot,  in  juxta  with  the  engaging  Mr.  Donovan, 
a  i^ropinquity,  if  I  might  judge  from  their  countenances,  uncoveted 
by  either  party. 

While  this  was  performing.  Doctor  Finucane  was  making  his 
recognitions  with  several  of  the  company,  to  whom  he  had  been 
long  known  during  his  visits  to  the  neighborhood.  I  now  resumed 
my  place  on  the  right  of  "  the  father,"  abandoning  for  the  present 
all  intention  of  disclaiming  my  rank,  and  the  campaign  was  opened. 
The  priest  now  exerted  himself  to  the  utmost  to  recall  conversation 
into  the  original  channels,  and  if  possible  to  draw  off  attention  from 
me,  which  he  still  feared  might  perhaps  elicit  some  unlucky 
announcement  on  my  part.  Failing  in  his  endeavors  to  bring 
matters  to  their  former  footing,  he  turned  the  whole  brunt  of  his 
attention  to  the  worthy  doctor,  who  sat  on  his  left. 

"  How  goes  on  the  law,"  said  he,  "  Fin  ? — any  new  proofs,  as  they 
call  them,  forthcoming  ?" 

AVhat  Fin  replied  I  could  not  hear,  but  the  allusion  to  the  "  suit" 
was  explained  by  Father  Malachi  informing  us  that  the  only  impedi- 
ment between  his  cousin  and  the  title  of  Kinsale  lay  in  the  unfor- 
tunate fact  that  his  grandmother — "  rest  her  sowl" —  was  npt  a  man. 

Dr.  Finucane  winced  a  little  under  the  manner  in  which  this  was 
spoken,  but  returned  the  fire  by  asking  if  the  bishop  was  down 
lately  in  that  quarter.  The  evasive  way  in  which  "  the  father" 
replied  having  stimulated  my  curiosity  as  to  the  reason,  little 
entreaty  was  necessary  to  persuade  the  doctor  to  relate  the  following 
anecdote,  which  was  not  relished  the  less  by  his  superior  that  it 
told  somewhat  heavily  on  Mr.  Donovan. 

"  It  is  about  four  years  ago,"  said  the  doctor,  "  since  the  bishop, 
Dr.  Plunkett,  took  it  into  his  head  that  he'd  make  a  general  inspec- 
tion, '  a  reconnaissance,'  as  we'd  call  it,  Mr,  Lor — that  is,  my  lord  I 
through  the  whole  diocese,  and  leave  no  part,  far  or  near,  without 
poking  his  nose  in  it  and  seeing  how  matters  were  doing.  He  heard 
very  queer  stories  about  his  reverence  here,  and  so  down  he  came 
one  morning  in  the  month  of  July,  riding  uj)on  an  old  gray  hack, 
looking  just  for  all  the  world  like  any  other  elderly  gentleman  in 
very  rusty  black.  When  he  got  near  the  village,  he  picked  up  a 
little  boy  to  show  him  the  short  cut  across  the  fields  to  the  house 
here ;  and  as  his  lordship  was  a  '  sharp  man  and  a  shrewd,'  he  kept 


THE  PRIEST'S  SUPPER.  69 

his  eye  on  everj'thing  as  lie  went  along,  remarking  this,  and  noting 
down  that, 

"  *  Are  ye  regular  in  your  duties,  my  son?'  said  he  to  the  child. 

"'1  never  miss  a  Sunday,'  said  the  gossoon;  'for  it's  always 
walking  his  reverence's  horse  I  am  the  whole  time  av  prayers.' 

"  His  lordship  said  no  more  for  a  little  while,  when  he  muttered 
between  his  teeth,  'Ah,  it's  just  slander — nothing  but  slander  and 
lying  tongues.'  This  soliloquy  was  caused  by  his  remarking  that 
on  every  gate  he  passed,  or  from  every  cabin,  two  or  three  urchins 
would  come  out  half  naked,  but  all  with  the  finest  heads  of  red  hair 
he  ever  saw  in  his  life. 

"  '  How  is  it,  my  son,'  said  he,  at  length  ;  'they  tell  verj'  strange 
stories  about  Father  IMalachi,  and  I  see  so  many  of  these  childrea 
with  red  hair.     Eh — now  Father  ]\Ialachi's  a  dark  man.' 

"  'True  for  ye,'  said  the  boy;  'true  for  ye.  Father  Malachi's  dark; 
but  the  coadjutor ! — the  coadjutor's  as  red  as  a  fox.'  " 

When  the  laugh  this  story  had  caused  had  a  little  subsided.  Father 
Malachi  called  out,  "  Mickey  Oulahan  I  Mickey,  I  say,  hand  his 
lordship  over  'the  groceries'  " — thus  he  designated  a  square  decanter 
containing  about  two  quarts  of  whisky,  and  a  bowl  heajied  high 
with  sugar — "a  dacent  boy  is  Mickey,  my  lord,  and  I'm  happy  to  be 
the  means  of  making  him  known  to  you."  I  bowed  with  condescen- 
sion, while  Mr.  Oulahan's  eyes  sparkled  like  diamonds  at  the  recog- 
nition. 

" He  has  only  two  years  of  the  lease  to  run,  and  a  'long  charge' " 
[arigliciy  a  large  family),  continued  the  priest. 

"  I'll  not  forget  him,  you  may  depend  upon  it,"  said  I. 

"Do  you  hear  that?"  said  Father  Malachi,  casting  a  glance  of 
triumph  round  the  table,  while  a  general  buzz  of  commendation  on 
priest  and  patron  went  round,  with  many  such  phrases  as  "  Och, 
thin,"  "it's  his  riv'rence  can  do  it,"  "na  bocklish,"  "and  why  not," 
&c.,  &c.  As  for  me,  I  have  already  "confessed"  to  my  crying  sin — a 
fatal  irresistible  inclination  to  follow  the  humor  of  the  moment 
wherever  it  led  me ;  and  now  I  found  myself  as  active  a  partisan  in 
quizzing  Mickey  Oulahan  as  though  I  was  not  myself  a  party 
included  in  the  jest.  I  was  thus  fairly  launched  into  my  inveterate 
habit,  and  nothing  could  arrest  my  progress. 

One  by  one  the  different  individuals  round  the  table  were  presented 
to  me,  and  made  known  their  various  wants,  with  an  implicit  con- 
fidence in  my  power  of  relieving  them,  which  I  with  equal  readiness 
ministered  to.  I  lowered  the  rent  of  every  man  at  table.  I  made  a 
general  gaol  delivery,  an  act  of  grace  (I  blush  to  say)  which  seemed 
to  be  peculiarly  interesting  to  the  present  company.  I  abolished  all 
arrears,  made  a  new  line  of  road  through  au  impassable  bog  and 


60  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

over  an  inaccessible  mountain,  and  conducted  water  to  a  mill  which 
(I  learned  in  the  morning)  was  always  worked  by  wind.  The  de- 
cantfer  had  scarcely  completed  its  third  circuit  of  the  board,  when  I 
bid  fair  to  be  the  most  popular  specimen  of  the  peerage  that  ever 
visited  the  "far  west."  In  the  midst  of  my  career  of  universal 
benevolence,  I  was  interrupted  by  Fafcher  Malachi,  whom  I  found 
on  his  legs,  pronouncing  a  glowing  eulogium  on  his  cousin's  late 
regiment,  the  famous  North  Cork. 

"  That  was  the  corps !"  said  he.  "  Bid  them  do  a  thing,  and  they'd 
never  leave  off;  and  so,  when  they  got  orders  to  retire  from  Wexford, 
it's  little  they  cared  for  the  comforts  of  baggage,  like  many  another 
regiment,  for  they  threw  away  everything  but  their  canteens,  and 
never  stopped  till  they  ran  to  Eoss,  fifteen  miles  farther  than  the 
enemy  followed  them.  And  when  they  were  all  in  bed  the  same 
night,  fatigued  and  tired  with  their  exertions,  as  ye  may  suppose,  a 
drummer-boy  called  out  in  his  sleep,  '  Here  they  are — they're 
coming  1'  they  all  jumped  up  and  set  off  in  their  shirts,  and  got  two 
miles  out  of  town  before  they  discovered  it  was  a  false  alarm." 

Peal  after  peal  of  laughter  followed  the  priest's  encomium  on  the 
doctor's  regiment;  and,  indeed,  he  himself  joined  most  heartily  in 
the  mirth,  as  he  might  well  afford  to  do,  seeing  that  a  braver  or 
better  corps  than  the  North  Cork,  Ireland  did  not  possess. 

"  Well,"  said  Fin,  "  it's  easy  to  see  ye  never  can  forget  what  they 
did  at  Maynooth." 

Father  Malachi  disclaimed  all  personal  feeling  on  the  subject; 
and  I  was  at  last  gratified  by  the  following  narrative,  which  I  regret 
deeply  I  am  not  enabled  to  give  in  the  doctor's  own  words ;  but 
writing  as  I  do  from  memory — in  most  instances — I  can  only  convey 
the  substance : 

It  was  towards  the  latter  end  of  the  year  '98 — the  year  of  the 
troubles — that  the  North  Cork  was  ordered,  "  for  their  sins,"  I  be- 
lieve, to  march  from  their  snug  quarters  in  Fermoy  and  take  up  a 
position  in  the  town  of  Maynooth — a  very  considerable  reverse  of 
fortune  to  a  set  of  gentlemen  extremely  addicted  to  dining  out,  and 
living  at  large  upon  a  very  pleasant  neighborhood.  Fermoy  abounded 
in  gentry ;  Maynooth  at  that  time  had  few,  if  any,  excepting  his 
Grace  of  Leinster,  and  he  lived  very  privately,  and  saw  no  company. 
Maynooth  was  stupid  and  dull — there  were  neither  belles  nor  balls; 
Fermoy  (to  use  the  doctor's  well  remembered  words)  had  "groat 
feeding,"  and  "very  genteel  young  ladies,  that  carried  their  hand- 
kerchiefs in  bags,  and  danced  with  the  officers." 

They  had  not  been  many  weeks  in  their  new  quarters  when  they 
began  to  pine  over  their  altered  fortunes,  and  it  was  witli  a  sense  of 
delight,  which  a  few  months  before  would  have  been  incomprohen- 


THE  PRIEST'S  SUPPER.  61 

sible  to  them,  they  discovered  that  one  of  their  officers  hadabrothcr, 
a  young  ijficst  in  the  college:  he  introduced  him  to  .some  of  his  cou- 
frJ'rcs,  and  the  natural  result  followed.  A  visiting  acquaintance 
began  between  the  regiment  and  such  of  the  members  of  the  college 
as  liad  liberty  to  leave  the  precincts — who,  as  time  ripened  the 
acquaintance  into  intimacy,  very  naturally  preferred  the  mess  of  the 
North  Cork  to  the  meagre  fare  of  "  the  refectory."  At  last,  seldom 
a  day  went  by  without  one  or  two  of  their  reverences  finding  them- 
selves guests  at  the  mess.  The  North  Corkians  were  of  a  most  hos- 
pitable turn,  and  the  fathers  were  determined  the  virtue  should  not 
rust  for  want  of  being  exercised  ;  they  would  just  drop  in  to  say  a 
word  to  "  Captain  O'Flaherty  about  leave  to  shoot  in  the  demesne," 
as  Carton  was  styled ;  or,  they  had  a  "  frank  from  the  Duke  for  the 
Colonel,"  or  some  other  equally  pressing  reason  ;  and  they  would 
contrive  to  be  caught  in  the  middle  of  a  very  droll  story  just  as  the 
"  Roast  Beef"  was  playing.  Very  little  entreaty  then  sufficed — a 
ehort  apology  for  the  "  derangements"  of  dress,  and  a  few  miiuites 
more  found  them  seated  at  table  without  further  ceremony  on  either 
side. 

Among  the  favorite  guests  from  the  college,  two  were  peculiarly 
in  estimation — "  the  Professor  of  the  Humanities,"  Father  Luke 
Mooney ;  and  the  Abb6  d'Array,  "  the  Lecturer  on  Moral  Philosophy 
and  Belles  Lettres ;"  and  certain  it  is,  pleasanter  fellows,  or  more 
gifted  with  the  "  convivial  bump,"  there  never  existed.  He  of  the 
Ilunumities  was  a  droll  dog — a  member  of  the  Curran  Club,  the 
"  monks  of  the  screw,"  told  an  excellent  story,  and  sang  the  "  Cruis- 
kecn  Lawn"  better  than  did  any  before  or  since  him.  The  moral 
philosopher,  though  of  a  difiercnt  genre,  was  also  a  most  agreeable 
companion,  an  Irishman  transplanted  in  his  youth  to  St.  Omrr,  and 
who  had  grafted  upon  his  native  humor  a  considerable  share  of 
French  smartness  and  repartee.  Such  were  the  two  who  ruled 
supreme  in  all  the  festive  arrangements  of  this  jovial  regiment,  and 
were  at  last  as  regular  at  table  as  the  adjutant  and  the  paymaster, 
and  so  might  they  have  continued,  had  not  prosperity,  that,  in  its 
blighting  influence  upon  the  heart,  spares  neither  priests  nor  lay- 
men, and  is  equally  severe  upon  mice  (sec  ^sop's  fable)  and  moral 
philosophers,  actually  deprived  them,  for  the  "  nonce,"  of  reason, 
and  tempted  them  to  their  ruin.  You  naturally  ask,  what  did  they 
do?  Did  they  venture  upon  allusions  to  the  retreat  ui)on  Eoss? 
Nothing  of  the  kind.  Did  they,  in  that  vanity  which  wine  inspires, 
refer  by  word,  act,  or  innuendo,  to  the  well-known  order  of  their 
Colonel  when  reviewing  his  regiment  in  "the  Phoriix,"  to  "advance 
two  steps  backward  and  dress  by  the  gutter."?  Far  be  it  from  them, 
though  indeed  either  of  these  had  been  esteemed  light  iu  the  bal- 


62  EARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

ance  with  their  real  crime.  "  Then,  what  was  their  failing — come, 
tell  it,  and  burn  ye."  They  actually,  I  dread  to  say  it,  quizzed  the 
Major  coram  the  whole  mess  I  Now,  Major  John  Jones  had  only 
lately  exchanged  into  the  North  Cork  from  the  "  Darry  Eagement," 
as  he  called  it.  He  was  a  red-hot  Orangeman,  a  deputy-grand  some- 
thing, and  vice-chairman  of  the  '"Prentice  Boys"  besides.  He  broke 
his  leg  when  a  schoolboy,  by  a  fall  incurred  in  tying  an  orange  hand- 
kerchief around  King  William's  august  neck  in  College-green  on 
one  12th  of  July,  and  three  several  times  had  closed  the  gates  of 
Derry  with  his  own  loyal  hands,  on  the  famed  anniversary ;  in  a 
word,  he  was  one  that,  if  his  Church  had  enjoined  a  penance  as  an 
expiation  for  sin,  would  have  looked  upon  a  trip  to  Jerusalem  on 
his  bare  knees  as  a  very  light  punishment  for  the  crime  on  his  con- 
science, that  he  sat  at  table  with  two  buck  priests  from  Maynooth, 
and  carved  for  them,  like  the  rest  of  the  company  I 

Poor  Major  Jones,  however,  had  no  such  solace,  and  the  canker- 
worm  ate  daily  deeper  and  deeper  into  his  pining  heart.  During 
the  three  or  four  weeks  of  their  intimacy  with  his  regiment,  his 
martyrdom  was  awful.  His  figure  wasted,  and  his  color  became  a 
deeper  tinge  of  orange,  and  all  around  averred  that  there  would 
soon  be  a  "  move  up  "  in  the  corps,  for  the  major  had  evidently  "  got 
his  notice  to  quit"  this  world  and  its  pomps  and  vanities.  He  felt 
"  that  he  was  dying,"  to  use  Haynes  Bayley's  beautiful  and  apposite 
words,  and  meditated  an  exchange ;  but  that,  from  circumstances, 
was  out  of  the  question.  At  last,  subdued  by  grief,  and  probably 
his  spirit  having  chafed  itself  smooth  by  such  constant  attrition,  he 
became,  to  all  seeming,  calmer;  but  it  was  only  the  calm  of  a 
broken  and  weary  heart.  Such  was  Major  Jones  at  the  time  when, 
"  suadente  diabolo,"  it  seemed  meet  to  Fathers  Mooney  and 
D'Array  to  make  him  the  butt  of  their  raillery.  At  first  he  could 
not  believe  it ;  the  thing  was  incredible — impossible ;  but  when  he 
looked  around  the  table,  when  he  heard  the  roars  of  laughter,  long, 
loud,  and  vociferous;  Avhen  he  heard  his  name  bandied  from  one  to 
the  other  across  the  table,  with  some  vile  jest  tacked  to  it  "  like  a 
tin  kettle  to  a  dog's  tail,"  he  awoke  to  the  full  measure  of  his 
misery — the  cup  was  full.  Fate  had  done  her  worst,  and  he  might 
have  exclaimed  with  Lear,  "Spit,  fire — spout,  rain,"  there  was 
nothing  in  store  for  him  of  further  misfortune. 

A  drum-head  court-martial — a  hint  "to  soil  out" — ay,  a  sentence 
of  "  dismissed  the  service,"  had  been  mortal  calamities,  and,  like  a 
man,  he  would  have  borne  them ;  but  that  he,  Major  John  Jones, 
D.G.S.C.P.B.,  &c.,  &c.,  who  had  drunk  the  "pious,  glorious, 
and  immortal,"  sitting  astride  of  "the  groat  gun  of  Athlone," 
should  come  to  this  I     Alas,  and  alas  I     He  retired  that  night  to  his 


THE  PRIEST'S  SUPPER.  63 

rliamber  a  "  sadder  if  not  a  wiser  man ;"  he  dreamed  that  the 
"  statue"  had  given  place  to  the  unshapely  figure  of  Leo  X.,  and 
that  "Lundy  now  stood  where  Walker  stood  before."  He  jumped 
from  his  bed  in  a  moment  of  enthusiasm,  he  vowed  his  revenge, 
and  he  kept  his  vow. 

That  day  the  major  was  acting  "field  ofiicer."  The  various 
patrols,  sentries,  pickets,  and  outposts  were  all  under  his  especial 
control ;  and  it  was  remarked  that  he  took  peculiar  pains  in 
selecting  the  men  for  night  duty,  which,  in  the  prevailing  tiuietness 
and  peace  of  that  time,  seemed  scarcely  warrantable. 

Evening  drew  near,  and  Major  Jones,  summoned  by  the  "oft- 
heard  beat,"  wended  his  way  to  the  mess.  The  officers  were  drop- 
ping in,  and  true  as  "  the  needle  to  the  pole,"  came  Father  Mooney 
and  the  Abb6.  They  were  welcomed  with  the  usual  warmth,  and, 
strange  to  say,  by  none  more  than  the  major  himself,  whose  hilarity 
knew  no  bounds. 

How  the  evening  passed,  I  shall  not  stop  to  relate:  suffice  it  to 
say,  that  a  more  brilliant  feast  of  wit  and  jollification  not  even  the 
North  Cork  ever  enjoyed.  Father  Luke's  drollest  stories,  his  very 
quaintest  iiumor  shone  forth,  and  the  Abb6  sang  a  new  "chanson  a 
boire,"  that  B6ranger  might  have  envied. 

"  What  are  you  about,  my  dear  Father  D'Array  ?"  said  the 
Colonel:  "you  are  surely  not  rising  yet;  here's  a  fresh  cooi)er  of 
port  just  come  in  ;  sit  down,  I  entreat." 

"  I  say  it  with  grief,  my  dear  colonel,  we  must  away ;  the  half- 
hour  has  just  chimed,  and  we  must  be  within  '  the  gates'  before 
twelve.  The  truth  is,  the  superior  has  been  making  himself  very 
troublesome  about  our  *  carnal  amusements,'  as  he  calls  our  inno- 
cent mirth,  and  we  must  therefore  be  upon  our  guard." 

"  Well,  if  it  must  be  so,  we  shall  not  risk  losing  your  society 
altogether  for  an  hour  or  so  now  ;  so,  one  bumper  to  our  next  meet- 
ing— to-morrow,  mind,  and  now,  Monsieur  I'Abb^,  au  revoir." 

The  worthy  fathers  finished  their  glasses,  and  taking  a  most 
affi3Ctionate  leave  of  their  kind  entertainers,  sallied  forth  under  the 
guidance  of  Major  Jones,  who  insisted  upon  accompanying  them 
part  of  the  way,  as,  "  from  information  he  had  received,  the  sentries 
were  doubled  in  some  places,  and  the  usual  precautions  against  sur- 
prise all  taken."  Much  as  this  polite  attention  surprised  the  objects 
of  it,  his  brother  officers  wondered  still  more,  and  no  sooner  did 
they  perceive  the  major  and  his  companions  issue  forth,  than  they 
set  out  in  a  body  to  watch  where  this  most  novel  and  unexpected 
complaisance  would  terminate. 

When  the  priests  reached  the  door  of  the  barrack-yard,  they  again 
turned  to  utter  their  thanks  to  the  major,  and  entreat  him  once  more 


64  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

not  to  come  a  step  farther.  "There  now,  major,  we  know  the  path 
well,  so  just  give  us  the  pass,  and  don't  stay  out  in  the  night  air." 

"  Ah,  oui,  Monsieur  Jones,"  said  the  Abbe,  "  retournez,  je  vous 
prie.  We  are,  I  may  say,  chez  nous.  Ces  braves  gens,  les  North 
Cork,  know  us  by  this  time." 

The  major  smiled,  while  he  still  pressed  his  services  to  see  them 
past  the  pickets,  but  they  were  resolved,  and  would  not  be  denied. 

"  With  the  word  for  the  night  we  want  nothing  more/''  said 
Father  Luke. 

"  Well,  then,"  said  the  major,  in  the  gravest  tone — and  he  was 
naturally  grave — "you  shall  have  your  way;  but  remember  to  call 
out  loud,  for  the  first  sentry  is  a  little  deaf,  and  a  very  passionate, 
ill-tempered  fellow  to  boot." 

"  Never  fear,"  said  Father  Mooney,  laughing ;  "  I'll  go  bail  he'll 
hear  me." 

"Well,  the  word  for  the  night  is — 'Bloody  end  to  the  Pope' — 
don't  forget  now,  *  Bloody  end  to  the  Pope.' "  And  with  these 
words  he  banged  the  door  between  him  and  the  unfortunate  priests; 
and  as  bolt  was  fastened  after  bolt,  they  heard  him  laughing  to  him- 
self like  a  fiend  over  his  vengeance. 

"  And  big  bad  luck  to  ye,  Major  Jones,  for  the  same,  every  day 
ye  see  a  paving-stone,"  was  the  faint,  sub-audible  ejaculation  of 
Father  Luke,  when  he  was  recovered  enough  to  speak. 

"Sacristi!  que  nous  sommes  attrap^e,"  said  the  Abb6,  scarcely 
able  to  avoid  laughing  at  the  situation  in  which  they  were  placed. 

"  Well,  there's  the  quarter  chiming  now ;  we've  no  time  to  lose. — 
Major  Jones!  Major,  darling!  don't  now,  ah,  don't!  sure  ye  know 
we'll  be  ruined  entirely — there  now,  just  change  it,  like  a  dacent 
fellow— the  devil's  luck  to  him,  he's  gone.  Well,  we  can't  stay  here 
in  the  rain  all  night,  and  be  expelled  in  the  morning  afterwards;  so 
come  along." 

They  jogged  aJong  for  a  few  minutes  in  silence,  till  they  came  to 
that  part  of  the  "  Duke's"  demesne  wall  where  the  first  sentry  was 
stationed.  By  this  time  the  officers,  headed  by  the  major,  had 
quietly  slipped  out  of  the  gate,  and  were  following  their  steps  at  a 
convenient  distance. 

The  fathers  had  stopped  to  consult  together  what  they  should  do 
in  this  trying  emergency,  when,  their  whisper  being  overheard,  the 
sentinel  called  out  grufliy,  in  the  genuine  dialect  of  his  country, 
"  Who  goes  there?" 

"  Father  Luke  Mooney  and  the  Abb6  D'Array,"  said  the  former, 
in  liis  most  bland  and  insinuating  tone  of  voice — a  quality  he  most 
eminently  i)ossessed. 

"Stand  and  give  the  countersign." 


THE  PRIEST'S  SUPPER.  66 

"  We  are  coming  from  the  mess,  and  going  home  to  the  college," 
Baid  Father  Mooney,  evading  the  question,  and  gradually  advancing 
as  he  spoke. 

"  Stand,  or  I'll  shot  ye,"  said  the  North  Corkian. 

Father  Luke  halted,  while  a  muttered  "Blessed  Virgin!"  an- 
rounced  his  state  of  fear  and  trepidation. 

"  D' Array,  I  say,  what  are  we  to  do  ?" 

"  The  countersign,"  said  the  sentry,  whose  figure  they  could  per- 
ceive in  the  dim  distance  of  about  thirty  yards. 

"  Sure  ye'U  let  us  pass,  my  good  lad,  and  ye'U  have  a  friend  in 
Father  Luke  the  longest  day  ye  live,  and  ye  might  have  a  worse  in 
time  of  need  ;  ye  understand." 

Whether  he  did  understand  or  not,  he  certainly  did  not  heed,  for 
his  only  reply  was  the  short  click  of  a  gun-lock,  that  bespeaka  a 
preparation  to  fire. 

"There's  no  help  now,"  said  Father  Luke  ;  "  I  see  he's  a  haythcn ; 
and  bad  luck  to  the  major,  I  say  again."  And  this,  in  the  fullness  of 
his  heart,  he  uttered  aloud. 

"  That's  not  the  countersign,"  said  the  inexorable  sentry,  striking 
the  butt-end  of  his  musket  on  the  ground  with  a  crash  that  smote 
terror  into  the  hearts  of  the  priests. 

Mumble— mumble "to  the  Pope,"  said  Father  Luke,  pro- 
nouncing the  last  words  distinctly,  after  the  approved  practice  of  a 
Dublin  watchman,  on  being  awoke  from  his  dreams  of  row  and  riot 
by  the  last  toll  of  the  Post-ofiice,  and  not  knowing  whether  it  has 
struck  "twelve"  or  "three,"  sings  out  the  word  "o'clock,"  in  a 
loud,  sonorous  drawl,  that  wakes  every  sleeping  citizen,  and  yet  tella 
nothing  how  "  Time  speeds  on  his  flight." 

"  Louder,"  said  the  sentry,  in  a  voice  of  impatience. 

" to  the  Pope." 

"I  don't  hear  the  first  part." 

"Oh,  then,"  said  the  priest,  with  a  sigh  that  might  have  melted 
the  heart  of  anything  but  a  sentry,  "Bloody  end  to  the  Pope;  and 
may  the  saints  in  heaven  forgive  me  for  saying  it." 

"  Again,"  called  out  the  soldier;  "  and  no  muttering." 

"  Bloody  end  to  the  Pope,"  cried  Father  Luke,  in  bitter  des- 
peration. 

"  Bloody  end  to  the  Pope,"  echoed  the  Abb6. 

"Pass,  Bloody  end  to  the  Pope,  and  good  night,"  said  the 
sentry,  resuming  his  rounds,  while  a  loud  and  uproarious  peal  of 
laughter  behind  told  the  unlucky  priests  they  were  overheard  by 
others,  and  that  the  story  would  be  over  the  whole  town  in  the 
morning. 

Whether  it  was  that  the  penance  for  their  heresy  took  long  in 
5 


66  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

accomplishing,  or  that  they  never  could  summon  courage  sufficient 
to  face  their  persecutor,  certain  it  is  the  North  Cork  saw  them  no 
more,  nor  were  they  ever  observed  to  pass  the  precincts  of  the  col- 
lege while  that  regiment  occupied  Maynooth. 

Major  Jones  himself,  and  his  confederates,  could  not  have  more 
heartily  relished  this  story  than  did  the  party  to  whom  the  doctor 
related  it.  Much,  if  not  all,  of  the  amusement  it  aflForded,  however, 
resulted  from  his  inimitable  mode  of  telling,  and  the  power  of 
mimicry  with  which  he  conveyed  the  dialogue  with  the  sentry,  and 
this,  alas,  must  be  lost  to  my  readers — at  least  to  that  portion  of 
them  not  fortunate  enough  to  possess  Dr.  Finucane's  acquaintance. 

"  Fin  I  Fin  !  your  long  story  has  nearly  famished  me,"  said  the 
padre,  as  the  laugh  subsided;  "and  there  you  sit  now  with  the  jug 
at  your  elbow  this  half  hour ;  I  never  thought  you  would  forget  our 
old  friend  Martin  Hanegan's  aunt." 

"  Here's  to  her  health,"  said  Finj  "and  your  reverence  will  give 
us  the  chant." 

"  Agreed,"  said  Father  Malachi,  finishing  a  bumper ;  and  after 
giving  a  few  preparatory  hems,  he  sang  the  following  "  singularly 
wild  and  beautiful  poem,"  as  some  one  calls  Christabel : 

"  Here's  a  health  to  Martin  Hanegan's  aunt, 
And  I'll  tell  ye  the  reason  why  1 
She  cats  hekase  she  is  hungry 
And  drinks  bekase  she  is  dhry. 

"  And  if  ever  a  man 
Stopped  the  course  of  a  can, 
Martin  Hanegan's  aunt  would  cry — 
'  Arrah,  fill  up  your  glass, 
And  let  the  jug  pass ; 
How  d'ye  know  but  your  neighbor's  dhry?' " 

"  Come,  my  lord  and  gentlemen,  dd  capo,  if  ye  please — '  Fill  up 
your  glass,'  "  &c. ;  and  the  chanson  was  chorused  with  a  strength  and 
vigor  that  would  have  astonished  the  Philharmonic. 

The  mirth  and  fun  now  grew  "  fast  and  furious ;"  and  Father 
Malachi,  rising  with  the  occasion,  flung  his  reckless  drollery  and 
fun  on  every  side,  sparing  none,  from  his  cousin  to  the  coadjutor. 
It  was  now  that  peculiar  period  in  the  evening's  enjoyment  when 
an  expert  and  practical  chairman  gives  up  all  interference  or  manage- 
ment, and  leaves  everything  to  take  its  course ;  this,  then,  was  the 
happy  moment  selected  by  Father  Malachi  to  propose  the  little 
"conthribution."  He  brought  a  plate  from  a  side-table,  and  placing 
it  before  him,  addressed  the  company  in  a  very  brief  but  sensible 
speech,  detailing  the  object  of  the  institution  he  was  advocating, 
and  concluding  with  the  following  words : — "And  now  ye'U  just 


THE  PRIEST'S  SUPPER.  67 

give  whatever  ye  like,  according  to  your  means  in  life,  and  what  ye 
can  spare." 

This  admonition,  like  the  "  morale"  of  an  income  tax,  had  the 
immediate  efi'ect  of  pitting  each  man  against  his  neighbor,  and  sug- 
gesting to  their  already  excited  spirits  all  the  ardor  of  gambling, 
without,  however,  the  prospect  of  gain.  The  plate  was  first  handed 
to  me,  in  honor  of  my  "  rank,"  and  having  deposited  upon  it  a 
handful  of  small  silver,  the  priest  ran  his  fingers  through  the  coin, 
and  called  out : 

"  P^ive  pounds  I  at  least — not  a  farthing  less,  as  I  am  a  sinner. 
Look,  tlien — see,  now ;  they  tell  ye  the  gentlemen  don't  care  for  the 
like  of  ye !  but  see  for  yourselves.  May  I  trouble  y'r  lordship  to 
pass  the  plate  to  Mr.  Mahony — he's  impatient,  I  see." 

Mr.  Mahony,  about  whom  I  perceived  very  little  of  the  impatience 
alluded  to,  was  a  grim-looking  old  Christian,  in  a  rabbit-skin  waist- 
coat, with  long  flaps,  Avho  fumbled  in  the  recesses  of  his  breeches- 
pockets  for  five  minutes,  and  then  drew  forth  three  shillings,  which 
he  laid  upon  the  plate,  with  what  I  fancied  very  much  resembled  a 
sigh, 

"Six  and  sixpence,  is  it?  or  five  shillings? — all  the  same,  Mr. 
Mahony,  and  I'll  not  forget  the  trifle  you  were  speaking  about  this 
morning,  any  way,"  And  here  he  leaned  over  as  interceding  with 
me  for  him,  but  in  reality  to  whisper  in  my  ear,  "The  greatest  miser 
from  this  to  Castlebar," 

"Who's  that  put  down  the  half  guinea  in  goold?" — (and  this 
time  lie  spoke  truth) — "who's  that,  I  say?" 

"  Tim  Kennedy,  your  reverence,"  said  Tim,  stroking  his  hair  down 
with  one  hand,  and  looking  proud  and  modest  at  the  same  moment. 

"  Tim,  ye're  a  credit  to  us  any  day,  and  I  always  said  so.  It's  a 
ganger  he'd  like  to  be,  my  lord,"  said  he,  turning  to  me,  in  a  kind 
of  a  stage  whisper.  I  nodded  and  muttered  something,  when  he 
thanked  me  most  profoundly  as  if  his  suit  had  prospered, 

"  Mickey  Oulahan— the  lord's  looking  at  ye,  Mickey,"  This  was 
said  pianissimo  across  the  table,  and  had  the  effect  of  increasing  Mr. 
Oulahan's  donation  from  five  shillings  to  seven — the  last  two  being 
pitched  in  very  much  in  the  style  of  a  gambler  making  his  final 
coup,  and  crying,  "  Va  Banque !"  "  The  Oulahans  were  always 
dacent  people — dacent  people,  my  lord," 

"  Be  gorra,  the  Oulahans  was  niver  dacenter  nor  the  Molowneys, 
anyhow,"  said  a  tall,  athletic  young  fellow,  as  he  threw  down  three 
crown  pieces,  with  an  energy  that  made  every  coin  leap  from  the 
plate, 

"  They'll  do  now,"  said  Father  Brennan ;  "  I'll  leave  them  to 
themselves,"     And   truly  the  eagerness  to  get  the  plate  and  put 


68  HAERY  L  ORREQ  UER. 

down  the  subscription  fully  equalled  the  rapacious  anxiety  I  have 
witnessed  in  an  old  maid  at  loo  to  get  possession  of  a  thirty-shilling 
pool,  be  the  same  more  or  less,  which  lingered  on  its  way  to  her,  in 
the  hands  of  many  a  fair  competitor. 

"  Mr.  M'Neesh  " — Curzon  had  hitherto  escaped  all  notice — "  Mr. 
M'Neesh,  to  your  good  health,"  cried  Father  Brennan,  "  It's  many 
a  secret  they'll  be  getting  out  o'  ye  down  there  about  the  Scotch 
husbandry." 

Whatever  poor  Curzon  knew  of  "  drills,"  certainly  did  not  extend 
to  them  when  occupied  by  turnips.  This  allusion  of  the  priest's 
being  caught  up  by  the  party  at  the  foot  of  the  table,  they  com- 
menced a  series  of  inquiries  into  different  Scotch  plans  of  tillage — ■ 
his  brief  and  unsatisfactory  answers  to  which  they  felt  sure  were 
given  in  order  to  evade  imparting  information.  By  degrees,  as  they 
continued  to  press  him  with  questions,  his  replies  grew  more  short, 
and  a  general  feeling  of  dislike  on  both  sides  was  not  very  long  in 
following. 

The  father  saw  this,  and  determining,  with  his  usual  tact,  to  re- 
press it,  called  on  the  adjutant  for  a  song.  Now,  whether  he  had 
but  one  in  the  world,  or  whether  he  took  this  mode  of  retaliating 
for  the  annoyances  he  had  suffered,  I  know  not,  but  true  it  is,  he 
finished  his  tumbler  at  a  draught,  and  with  a  voice  of  no  very 
peculiar  sweetness,  though  abundantly  loud,  began  "The  Boyne 
Water." 

He  had  just  reached  the  word  "battle,"  in  the  second  line,  upon 
which  he  was  bestowing  what  he  meant  to  be  a  shake,  when,  as  if 
the  word  suggested  it,  it  seemed  the  signal  for  a  general  engagement. 
Decanters,  glasses,  jujs,  candlesticks — ay,  and  the  money-dish — 
flew  right  and  left,  all  originally  intended,  it  is  true,  for  the  head  of 
the  luckless  adjutant,  but  as  they  now  and  then  missed  their  aim, 
and  came  in  contact  with  the  "wrong  man,"  invariably  pro- 
voked retaliation,  and  in  a  very  few  minutes  the  battle  became 
general. 

What  may  have  been  the  doctor's  political  sentiments  on  this 
occasion,  I  cannot  even  guess ;  but  he  seemed  bent  upon  performing 
the  part  of  a  "convivial  Lord  Stanley,"  and  maintaining  a  dignified 
neutrality.  With  this  apparent  object,  he  mounted  upon  the  table, 
to  raise  himself,  I  suppose,  above  the  din  and  commotion  of  party 
clamor,  and  brandishing  a  jug  of  scalding  water,  bestowed  it  with 
perfect  impartiality  on  the  combatants  on  either  side.  This  Whig 
plan  of  conciliation,  however  well-intended,  seemed  not  to  prosjier 
with  either  party,  and  many  were  the  missiles  directed  at  the  ill- 
starred  doctor.  Meanwhile  Father  Malachi,  whether  following  the 
pacific  instinct  of  his  order,  in  seeking  an  asylum  in  troublous  times, 


THE  PRIEST'S  SUPPER.  69 

or  equally  moved  by  old  habit  to  gather  coin  in  low  places  {much  of 
the  money  having  fallen),  was  industriously  endeavoring  to  insert 
himself  bcncatli  the  table.  In  tliis,  witli  one  vigorous  i>us]\,  he  at 
last  succeeded,  but  in  so  doing  lifted  it  from  its  legs,  and  tlius  de- 
stroying poor  "  Fin's  "  gravity,  precipitated  him,  jug  and  all,  into 
the  thickest  of  the  fray,  where  he  met  with  that  kind  reception  such 
a  benefactor  ever  receives  at  the  hands  of  a  grateful  public.  I 
meanwhile  hurried  to  rescue  poor  Curzon,  who,  having  fallen  to  the 
ground,  was  getting  a  cast  of  his  features  taken  in  pewter,  for  such 
seemed  the  operation  a  stout  farmer  was  performing  on  the  adju- 
tant's face  with  a  quart.  With  considerable  difficulty,  notwith- 
standing my  supposed  "lordship,"  I  succeeded  in  freeing  him  from 
his  present  position;  and  he  concluding,  probably,  that  enough  had 
been  done  for  one  "  sitting,"  most  willingly  permitted  me  to  lead 
him  from  the  room.  I  was  soon  joined  by  the  doctor,  who  assisted 
me  in  getting  my  poor  friend  to  bed,  which  being  done,  he  most 
eagerly  entreated  me  to  join  the  company.  This,  however,  I  firmly 
but  mildly  declined,  very  much  to  his  surprise;  for  he  remarked, 
"They'll  be  all  like  lambs  now,  for  they  don't  believe  there's  a 
whole  bone  in  his  body." 

Expressing  my  deep  sense  of  the  Christian-like  forbearance  of  the 
party,  I  pleaded  fiitigue,  and  bidding  him  good-night,  adjourned  to 
my  bed-room;  and  here,  although  the  arrangements  fell  somewhat 
short  of  the  luxurious  ones  appertaining  to  my  late  apartment  at 
Callonby,  they  were  most  grateful  at  the  moment ;  and  having  "  ad- 
dressed myself  to  slumber,"  fell  fiist  asleep,  and  only  awoke  late  on 
the  following  morning  to  wonder  where  I  was ;  from  any  doubts  as 
to  which  I  was  speedily  relieved  by  the  entrance  of  the  priest's 
bare-footed  "  colleen  "  to  deposit  on  my  table  a  bottle  of  soda-water, 
and  announce  breakfast,  with  his  reverence's  compliments. 

Having  made  a  hasty  toilet,  I  proceeded  to  the  parlor,  which, 
however  late  events  might  have  impressed  it  upon  my  memory,  I 
could  scarcely  recognize.  Instead  of  the  long  oak  table  and  the 
wassail  bowl,  there  stood  near  the  fire  a  small  round  table,  covered 
with  a  snow-white  cloth,  upon  which  shone  in  unrivalled  brightness 
a  very  handsome  tea-equipage — the  hissing  kettle  on  one  hob  was 
balanced  by  a  gridiron  with  three  newly-taken  trout,  frying  under 
the  reverential  care  of  Father  Malachi  himself — a  heap  of  eggs, 
ranged  like  shot  in  an  ordnance  yard,  stood  in  the  middle  of  the 
table,  while  a  formidable  pile  of  buttered  toast  browned  before  the 
grate — the  morning  papers  were  airing  upon  the  hearth  :  everything 
bespoke  that  attention  to  comfort  and  enjoyment  one  likes  to  dis- 
cover in  the  house  where  chance  may  have  domesticated  him  for  a 
day  or  two. 


70  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

"  Good-morning,  Mr.  Lorrequer.  I  trust  you  have  rested  well," 
said  Father  Malachi,  as  I  entered. 

"  Never  better ;  but  where  are  our  friends  ?" 

"  I  have  been  visiting  and  comforting  them  in  their  affliction,  and 
I  may  with  truth  assert  it  is  not  often  my  fortune  to  have  three  as 
sickly-looking  guests.  That  was  a  most  unlucky  affair  last  night, 
and  I  must  apologize " 

"Don't  say  a  word,  I  entreat;  I  saw  how  it  all  occurred,  and 
am  quite  sure  if  it  had  not  been  for  poor  Curzon's  ill-timed 
melody " 

"  You  are  quite  right,"  said  the  father,  interrupting  me.  "  Your 
friend's  taste  for  music — ^bad  luck  to  it  1 — was  the  '  teterrima  causa 
belli.' " 

"  And  the  subscription,"  said  I ;  "  how  did  it  succeed  ?" 

"  Oh,  the  money  went  in  the  commotion ;  and  although  I  have 
got  some  seven  pounds  odd  shillings  of  it,  the  war  was  a  most  ex- 
pensive one  to  me.  I  caught  old  Mahony  very  busy  under  the  table 
during  the  fray ;  but  let  us  say  no  more  about  it  now — draw  over 
your  chair.  Tea  or  coffee  ?  there's  the  rum  if  you  like  it,  in  French 
fashion." 

I  immediately  obeyed  the  injunction,  and  commenced  a  vigorous 
assault  upon  the  trout,  caught,  as  he  informed  me,  "  within  twenty 
perches  of  the  house." 

"  Your  poor  friend's  nose  is  scarcely  regimental,"  said  he,  "  this 
morning ;  and  as  for  Fin,  he  was  never  remarkable  for  beauty,  so, 
though  they  might  cut  and  hack,  they  could  scarcely  disfigure  him. 
As  Juvenal  says — isn't  it  Juvenal  ? — 

'Cantabit  vacuus  coram  latrone  Tiator;* 
or,  in  the  vernacular : 

'  The  empty  traveller  may  •whistle 
Before  the  robber  and  his  pistil'  (pistol). 

There's  the  Chili  vinegar — another  morsel  of  the  trout?" 
"  I  thank  you  ;  what  excellent  coffee,  Father  Malachi  I" 
"  A  secret  I  learned  at  St.  Omcr's  some  thirty  years  since.     Any 

letters,  Bridget  ?" — to  a  damsel  that  entered  with  a  packet  in  her 

hand. 

"  A  gossoon  from  Kilrush,  y'r  reverence,  with  a  bit  of  a  note  for 

the  gentleman  there." 

"  For  me ! — ah,  true  enough.     '  Harry  Lorrequer,  Esq.,  Kilrush. 

Try  Carrigaholt.'  "    So  ran  the  superscription — the  first  part  being 

in  a  lady's  handwriting ;  the  latter  very  like  the  "  rustic  paling"  of 

the  wortiiy  Mrs.  Healy's  style.     The  seal  was  a  large  one,  bearing  a 


TUE  LAD Y'S  L ETTER.  71 

coronet  at  top,  and  the  motto,  in  old  Norman-French,  told  me  it 
came  from  Callonby. 

With  what  a  trembling  hand  and  beating  heart  I  broke  it  open, 
and  yet  feared  to  read  it — so  much  of  my  destiny  might  be  in  that 
simple  page.  For  once  in  my  life  my  sanguine  spirit  failed  me;  my 
mind  could  take  in  but  one  casualty,  that  Lady  Jane  had  divnilged 
to  her  family  the  nature  of  my  attentions,  and  that  in  the  letter 
before  me  lay  a  cold  mandate  of  dismissal  from  her  presence  for- 
ever. 

At  last  I  summoned  courage  to  read  it ;  but  having  scrupled  to 
present  to  my  readers  the  Reverend  Father  Brennan  at  the  end  of  a 
chapter,  let  me  not  be  less  punctilious  in  the  introduction  of  her 
ladyship's  billet 


M 


CHAPTER   VII. 

THE  lady's  letter — PETER  AND  Hid  ACQUAINTANCES — TOO  LATE. 

"Callonby,  Tuesday  morning. 

'Y  Dear  Mr.  Lorrequer: — My  lord  has  deputed  me  to 
convey  to  you  our  adieux,  and  at  the  same  time  to  express 
our  very  great  regret  that  we  should  not  have  seen  you  before 
our  departure  from  Ireland.  A  sudden  call  of  the  House,  and  some 
unexpected  ministerial  changes,  require  Lord  Callonby's  immediate 
presence  in  town  ;  and  probably  before  this  reaches  you  we  shall  be 
on  the  road.  Lord  Kilkee,  who  left  us  yesterday,  was  much  dis- 
tressed at  not  having  seen  you — he  desired  me  to  say  you  shall  hear 
from  him  from  Leamington.  Although  writing  amid  all  the  haste 
and  bustle  of  departure,  I  must  not  forget  the  principal  part  of  my 
commission,  nor,  ladylike,  defer  it  to  a  postscript:  my  lord  entreats 
that  you  will,  if  possible,  pass  a  month  or  two  with  us  in  London 
this  season ;  and  if  any  difficulty  should  occur  in  obtaining  leave  of 
absence,  to  make  any  use  of  his  name  you  think  fit  at  the  Horse 
Guards,  where  he  has  some  influence.  Knowing  as  I  do  with  what 
kindness  you  ever  accede  to  the  wishes  of  your  friends,  I  need  not 
say  how  much  gratification  this  will  afibrd  us  all ;  but  sans  reponse, 
we  expect  you.     Believe  me  to  remain,  yours  very  sincerely, 

"Charlotte  Callonby. 

"  P.  S. — ^We  are  quite  well,  except  Lady  Jane,  who  has  a  slight 
cold,  and  has  been  feverish  for  the  last  day  or  two." 

Words  cannot  convey  any  idea  of  the  torrent  of  contending  emo* 


72  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

tions  under  which  I  perused  this  letter.  The  suddenness  of  the 
departure,  without  an  opportunity  of  even  a  moment's  leave-taking, 
completely  unmanned  me.  What  would  I  not  have  given  to  be  able 
to  see  her  once  more,  even  for  an  instant — to  say  "  a  good-bye" — to 
watch  the  feeling  with  which  she  parted  from  me,  and  augur  from 
it  either  favorably  to  my  heart's  dearest  hope  or  darkest  despair  I 
As  I  continued  to  read  on,  the  kindly  tone  of  the  remainder  reas- 
sured me ;  and  when  I  came  to  the  invitation  to  London,  which 
plainly  argued  a  wish  on  their  part  to  perpetuate  the  intimacy,  I 
was  obliged  to  read  it  again  and  again  before  I  could  convince 
myself  of  its  reality.  There  it  was,  however,  most  distinctly  and 
legibly  impressed  in  her  ladyship's  fairest  caligraphy;  and  cer- 
tainly, great  as  was  its  consequence  to  me  at  the  time,  it  by  no 
means  formed  the  principal  part  of  the  communication.  The  two 
lines  of  postscript  contained  more,  far  more,  food  for  hopes  and 
fears  than  did  all  the  rest  of  the  epistle. 

Lady  Jane  was  ill,  then ;  slightly,  however — a  mere  cold ;  true, 
but  she  was  feverish.  I  could  not  help  asking  myself  what  share 
had  I  in  causing  that  flushed  cheek  and  anxious  eye,  and  pictured 
to  myself,  perhaps  with  more  vividness  than  reality,  a  thousand 
little  traits  of  manner,  all  proofs  strong  as  holy  writ  to  my  sanguine 
mind,  that  my  affection  was  returned,  and  that  I  loved  not  in  vain. 
Again  and  again  I  read  over  the  entire  letter ;  never,  truly,  did  a 
nisi  prius  lawyer  con  over  a  new  act  of  parliament  with  more  search- 
ing ingenuity,  to  detect  its  hidden  meaning,  than  I  did  to  unravel 
through  its  plain  phraseology  the  secret  intention  of  the  writer 
towards  me. 

There  is  an  old  and  not  less  true  adage,  that  what  we  wish 
we  readily  believe;  and  so  with  me.  I  found  myself  an  easy 
convert  to  my  own  hopes  and  desires,  and  actually  ended  by  per- 
suading myself — no  very  hard  task — that  my  Lord  Callonby  had  not 
only  witnessed  but  approved  of  my  attachment  to  his  beautiful 
daughter,  and  for  reasons  probably  known  to  him,  but  concealed 
from  me,  opined  that  I  was  a  suitable  "pard"  and  gave  all  due 
encouragement  to  my  suit.  The  hint  about  using  his  lordship'3 
influence  at  the  Horse  Guards  I  resolved  to  benefit  by ;  not,  how- 
ever, in  obtaining  leave  of  absence,  which  I  hoped  to  accomplish 
more  easily,  but  with  his  good  sanction  in  pushing  my  promotion, 
when  I  should  claim  him  as  my  right  honorable  father-in-law — a 
point  on  the  propriety  of  which  I  had  now  fiilly  satisfied  myself. 
What  visions  of  rising  greatness  burst  upon  my  mind,  as  T  thought 
on  the  prospect  tliat  opened  before  mel  but  here  let  me  do  myself 
the  justice  to  record,  that  amid  all  my  pleasure  and  exultation,  my 
proudest  thought  was  in  the  anticipation  of  possessing  one  in  every 


THE  LADY'S  L ETTER.  78 

way  so  much  my  superior — the  very  consciousness  of  which  imparted 
a  thrill  of  fear  to  my  heart,  that  such  good  fortune  was  too  much 
even  to  hope  for. 

How  long  I  might  have  luxuriated  in  such  Chateaux  en  Espagne, 
Heaven  knows ;  thick  and  thronging  fancies  came  abundantly  to 
my  mind,  and  it  was  with  something  of  the  feeling  of  the  porter  in 
tiie  "  Arabian  Nights,"  as  he  surveyed  the  fragments  of  his  broken 
•\v'arc,  hurled  down  in  a  moment  of  glorious  dreaminess,  that  I 
turned  to  look  at  the  squat  and  unaristocratic  figure  of  Father 
Malachi,  as  he  sat  reading  his  newspaper  before  the  fire.  How 
came  I  in  such  company  ? — methinks  the  Dean  of  Windsor,  or  the 
Bishop  of  Durham,  had  been  a  much  more  seemly  a.ssociate  for  one 
destined  as  I  was  for  the  flood-tide  of  the  world's  favor. 

My  eye  at  this  instant  rested  upon  the  date  of  the  letter,  which 
was  that  of  the  preceding  morning,  and  immediately  a  thought 
struck  me  that,  as  the  day  was  a  louring  and  gloomy  one,  perhaps 
they  might  have  deferred  their  journey,  and  I  at  once  determined 
to  hasten  to  Callonby,  and,  if  possible,  see  them  before  their  depar- 
ture. 

"  Father  Brennan,"  said  I  at  length,  "  I  have  just  received  a 
letter  which  compels  me  to  reach  Kilrush  as  soon  as  possible.  Is 
there  any  public  conveyance  in  the  village?" 

"  You  don't  talk  of  leaving  us,  surely,"  said  the  priest,  "  and  a 
haunch  of  mutton  for  dinner,  and  Fin  says  he'll  be  down,  and  your 
friend  too,  and  we'll  have  poor  Beamish  in  on  a  sofa." 

"  I  am  sorry  to  say  my  business  will  not  admit  of  delay ;  but,  if 
possible,  I  shall  return  to  thank  you  for  all  your  kindness,  in  a  day 
or  two — perhaps  to-morrow." 

"  Oh,  then,"  said  Father  Brennan,  "  if  it  must  be  so,  why  you  can 
have  'Pether,'  my  own  pad,  and  a  better  you  never  laid  leg  over; 
only  give  him  his  own  time,  and  let  him  keep  the  '  canter,'  and  he'll 
never  draw  up  from  morning  till  night.  And  now  I'll  just  go  and 
have  him  in  readiness  for  you." 

After  professing  my  warm  acknowledgments  to  the  good  father 
for  his  kindness,  I  hastened  to  take  a  hurried  farewell  of  Curzon 
before  going.  I  found  him  sitting  up  in  bed  taking  his  breakfast ; 
a  large  strip  of  black  plaster,  extending  from  the  corner  of  one  eya 
across  the  nose,  and  terminating  near  the  mouth,  denoting  the 
locale  of  a  goodly  wound;  while  the  blue,  purple,  and  yellow 
patches  into  which  his  face  was  partitioned  out,  left  you  in  doubt 
whether  he  more  resembled  the  knave  of  clubs  or  a  new  map  of  the 
Ordnance  survey ;  one  hand  was  wrapped  up  in  a  bandage,  and 
altogether  a  more  rueful  and  woebegone-looking  figure  I  have  rarely 
looked  upon  ;  and  most  certainly  I  am  of  opinion  that  the  "  glori- 


74  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

ous,  pious,  and  immortal  memory  "  would  have  brought  pleasanter 
recollections  to  Daniel  O'Connell  himself  than  it  did  on  that  morn- 
ing to  the  adjutant  of  his  Majesty's  4 — th. 

"Ah,  Harry,"  said  he,  as  I  entered,  "what  Pandemonium  is  this 
we've  got  into?  Did  you  ever  witness  such  a  business  as  last 
night's  ?" 

"  Why,  truly,"  said  I,  "  I  know  of  no  one  to  blame  but  yourself;  you 
must  have  known  what  a  row  your  infernal  song  would  bring  on." 

"  I  don't  know  now  whether  I  knew  it  or  not ;  but  certainly  at 
the  moment  I  should  have  preferred  anything  to  the  confounded 
cross-examination  I  was  under,  and  was  glad  to  end  it  by  any  coup 
d'6tat.  One  wretch  was  persecuting  me  about  green  crops,  and 
another  about  the  feeding  of  bullocks,  about  either  of  which  I 
knew  as  much  as  a  bear  does  of  a  ballet." 

"  Well,  truly,  you  caused  a  diversion  at  some  expense  to  your 
countenance,  for  I  never  beheld  anything " 

"  Stop  there,"  said  he  ;  "  you  surely  have  not  seen  the  doctor — 
he  beats  me  hollow ;  they  have  scarcely  left  so  much  hair  on  his 
head  as  would  do  for  an  Indian's  scalp-lock ;  and,  of  a  verity,  his 
aspect  is  awful  this  morning.  He  has  just  been  here,  and,  by  the 
by,  has  told  me  all  about  your  affair  with  Beamish.  It  appears  that 
somehow  you  met  him  at  dinner,  and  gave  a  very  flourishing  ac- 
count of  a  relative  of  his,  who,  you  informed  him,  was  not  only 
selected  for  some  very  dashing  service,  but  actually  the  personal 
friend  of  Picton ;  and  after  the  family  had  blazed  the  matter  all 
over  Cork,  and  given  a  great  entertainment  in  honor  of  their  kins- 
man, it  turns  out  that  on  the  glorious  18th  he  ran  away  to  Brussels 
faster  than  even  the  French  to  Charleroi ;  for  which  act,  however, 
there  was  no  aspersion  ever  cast  upon  his  courage,  that  quality 
being  defended  at  the  expense  of  his  honesty ;  in  a  word,  he  was 
the  paymaster  of  his  company,  and  had  what  Theodore  Hook  calls 
an  'affection  of  his  chest,'  that  required  change  of  air.  Looking 
only  to  the  running  away  part  of  the  matter,  I  unluckily  expressed 
some  regret  that  he  did  not  belong  to  the  North  Cork,  and  I  remarked 
the  doctor  did  not  seem  to  relish  the  allusion,  and  as  /only  now  re- 
member, it  was  his  regiment,  I  suppose  I'm  in  for  more  mischief." 

I  had  no  time  to  enjoy  Curzon's  dilemma,  and  had  barely 
informed  him  of  my  intended  departure,  when  a  voice  from  without 
the  room  proclaimed  that  "  Pether"  was  ready,  and  having  commis- 
sioned the  adjutant  to  say  the  "  proper"  to  Mr.  Beamish  and  the 
doctor,  hurried  away,  and  after  a  hearty  shake  of  the  hand  from 
Father  Brennan,  and  a  faithful  promise  to  return  soon,  I  mounted 
and  set  off". 

Peter's  pace  was  of  all  others  the  one  least  likely  to  disturb  the 


THE  LADY'S  LETTER.  75 

lucubrations  of  a  castle-builder  like  myself;  without  any  admoni- 
tion from  whip  or  spur,  he  maintained  a  steady  and  constant 
canter,  which,  I  am  free  to  confess,  was  more  agreeable  to  sit  than 
it  was  graceful  to  behold;  for  his  head  being  much  lower  than  his 
tail,  he  every  moment  appeared  in  the  attitude  of  a  diver  about  to 
plunge  into  the  water,  and  more  than  once  I  had  misgivings  that  I 
would  consult  my  safety  better  if  I  sat  with  my  face  to  the  tail ; 
however,  what  will  not  habit  accomi)lish?  before  I  had  gone  a  mile 
or  two,  I  was  so  lost  in  my  own  reveries  and  reflections,  that  I  knew 
nothing  of  my  mode  of  progression,  and  had  only  thoughts  and 
feelings  for  the  destiny  that  awaited  me.  Sometimes  I  would  fancy 
myself  seated  in  the  house  of  connnons  (on  the  ministerial  benches 
of  course),  while  some  leading  oppositionist  was  pronouncing  a 
glowing  panegyric  upon  the  eloquent  and  statesmanlike  speech  of 
the  gallant  colonel — myself;  then  I  thought  I  was  making  arrange- 
ments for  setting  out  for  my  new  appointment,  and  Sancho  Panza 
never  coveted  the  government  of  an  island  more  than  I  did,  though 
only  a  West  Indian  one ;  and,  lastly,  I  saw  myself  the  chosen 
diplomate  on  a  difficult  mission,  and  was  actually  engaged  in  the 
easy  and  agreeable  occupation  of  out-manoeuvring  Talleyrand  and 
Pozzo  di  Borgo,  when  Peter  suddenly  drew  up  at  the  door  of  a 
small  cabin,  and  convinced  me  that  I  was  still  a  mortal  man,  and  a 
lieutenant  in  his  Majesty's  4 — th.  Before  I  had  time  afforded  me 
even  to  guess  at  the  reason  of  this  sudden  halt,  an  old  man 
emerged  from  the  cabin,  which  I  saw  now  was  a  road-side  ale- 
house, and  presented  Peter  with  a  bucket  of  meal  and  water,  a 
species  of  "  refresher"  that  he  evidently  was  accustomed  to  at  this 
place,  whether  bestrode  by  a  priest  or  an  ambassador.  Before  me 
lay  a  long  straggling  street  of  cabins,  irregularly  thrown,  as  if 
riddled  over  the  ground  ;  this  I  was  informed  was  Kilkee.  While 
my  good  steed,  therefore,  was  enjoying  his  potation,  I  dismounted, 
to  stretch  my  legs  and  look  about  me ;  and  scarcely  had  I  done  so, 
when  I  found  half  the  population  of  the  village  assembled  round 
Peter,  whose  claims  to  notoriety,  I  now  learned,  depended  neither 
upon  his  owner's  fame  nor  even  my  temporary  possession  of  him. 
Peter,  in  fact,  had  once  been  a  racer — when,  the  Wandering  Jew 
might  perhaps  have  told,  had  he  ever  visited  Clare,  for  not  the 
oldest  inhabitant  knew  the  date  of  his  triumphs  on  the  turf,  though 
they  were  undisputed  traditions,  and  never  did  any  man  appear 
bold  enough  to  call  them  in  question.  Whether  it  was  from  his 
patriarchal  character,  or  that  he  was  the  only  race-horse  ever 
known  in  his  county,  I  cannot  say,  but,  of  a  truth,  the  Grand  Llama 
could  scarcely  be  a  greater  object  of  reverence  in  Thibet  than  was 
Peter  in  Kilkee. 


76  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

"  Musha,  Peter,  but  it's  well  y'r  looking,"  cried  one. 

"  Ah,  thin,  maybe  ye  an't  fat  on  the  ribs,"  cried  another. 

"  An'  cockin'  his  tail  like  a  coult,"  said  a  third. 

I  am  very  certain,  if  I  may  venture  to  judge  from  the  faces  about, 
that  had  the  favorite  for  the  St.  Leger  passed  through  Kilkee  at 
that  moment,  comparisons  very  little  to  his  favor  had  been  drawn 
from  the  assemblage  around  me.  With  some  difficultj^  I  was  per- 
mitted to  reach  my  much-admired  steed,  and  with  a  cheer,  which 
was  sustained  and  caught  up  by  every  denizen  of  the  village  as  I 
passed  through,  I  rode  on  my  way,  not  a  little  amused  at  my 
equivocal  popularity. 

Being  desirous  to  lose  no  time,  I  diverged  from  the  straight  road 
which  leads  to  Kilrush,  and  took  a  cross  bridle-path  to  Callonby. 
This,  I  afterwards  discovered,  was  a  detour  of  a  mile  or  two,  and  it 
was  already  sunset  when  I  reached  the  entrance  to  the  park.  I 
entered  the  avenue ;  and  now  my  impatience  became  extreme,  for 
although  Peter  continued  to  move  at  the  same  uniform  pace,  I 
could  not  persuade  myself  that  he  was  not  foundering  at  every  step, 
and  was  quite  sure  we  were  scarcely  advancing ;  at  last  I  reached 
the  wooden  bridge,  and  ascended  the  steep  slope,  the  spot  where  I 
had  first  met  her  on  whom  my  every  thought  now  rested.  I  turned 
the  angle  of  the  clump  of  beech  trees  from  whence  the  first  view  of 
the  house  is  caught.  1  perceived,  to  my  inexpressible  delight,  that 
gleams  of  light  shot  from  many  of  the  windows,  and  could  trace 
their  passing  from  one  to  the  other.  I  now  drew  rein,  and  with  a 
heart  relieved  from  a  load  of  anxiety,  pulled  up  my  good  steed,  and 
began  to  think  of  the  position  in  which  a  few  brief  seconds  would 
place  me.  I  reached  the  small  flower-garden,  sacred  by  a  thousand 
endearing  recollections.  Oh!  of  how  very  little  account  are  the 
many  words  of  passing  kindness,  and  moments  of  light-hearted 
pleasure,  when  spoken  or  felt,  compared  to  the  memory  of  them 
when  hallowed  by  time  or  distance  1 

"  The  place,  the  hour,  the  sunshine  and  the  shade,"  all  reminded 
me  of  the  happy  past,  and  all  brought  vividly  before  me  eveiy  por- 
tion of  that  dream  of  happiness  in  which  I  was  so  utterly,  so  com- 
pletely steeped — every  thought  of  the  hopelessness  of  my  passion 
was  lost  in  the  intensity  of  it,  and  I  did  not,  in  the  ardor  of  my 
loving,  stop  to  think  of  its  possible  success. 

It  was  strange  enough  that  the  extreme  impatience,  the  hurried 
anxiety,  I  had  felt  and  suffered  from  while  riding  up  the  avenue, 
had  now  fled  entirely,  and  in  its  place  I  felt  nothing  but  a  diffident 
distrust  of  myself,  and  a  vague  sense  of  awkwardness  about  intrud- 
ing thus  unexpectedly  upon  the  family  while  engaged  in  all  the 
cares  and  preparations  for  a  speedy  departure.    The  hall-door  lay 


THE  LADY'S  LETTER.  77 

as  usual  wide  open,  the  hall  itself  was  strewn  and  littered  with 
trunks,  imperials,  and  packing-cases,  and  the  hundred  etceteras  of 
travelling  baggage.  I  hesitated  a  moment  whether  I  should  not 
ring,  but  at  last  resolved  to  enter  unannounced,  and,  presuming 
upon  my  intimacy,  see  what  effect  my  sudden  appearance  would 
have  on  Lady  Jane,  whose  feelings  towards  me  would  be  thus  most 
unequivocally  tested.  I  passed  along  the  wide  corridor,  entered  the 
music-room — it  was  still.  I  walked  then  to  the  door  of  the  draw- 
ing-room— I  paused — I  drew  a  full  breath — my  hand  trembled 
slightly  as  I  turned  the  lock — I  entered.  The  room  was  empty,  but 
the  blazing  fire  upon  the  hearth,  the  large  arm-chairs  drawn  round, 
the  scattered  books  upon  the  small  tables,  all  told  that  it  had  been 
inhabited  a  very  short  time  before.  "Ah,"  thought  I,  looking  at 
my  watch,  "  they  are  at  dinner ;"  and  I  began  at  once  to  devise  a 
hundred  different  plans  to  account  for  my  late  absence  and  present 
visit.  I  knew  that  a  few  minutes  would  probably  bring  them  into 
the  drawing-room,  and  I  felt  flurried  and  heated  as  the  time  drew 
near.  At  last  I  heard  voices  without.  I  started  from  the  exami- 
nation of  a  pencil  drawing,  partly  finished,  the  artist  of  which  I 
could  not  be  deceived  in.  I  listened — the  sounds  drew  near — I 
could  not  distinguish  who  were  the  speakers — the  door-lock  turned, 
and  I  rose  to  make  my  well-conned  but  half-forgotten  speech ;  and 
oh,  confounded  disappointment  I  Mrs.  Herbert,  the  housekeeper,  en- 
tered.   She  started,  not  expecting  to  see  me,  and  immediately  said: 

"  Oh !  Mr.  Lorrequer !  then  you've  missed  them  V 

"  Missed  them  I"  said  I ;  "  how— when— where?" 

"  Did  you  not  get  a  note  from  my  lord  ?" 

"  No  ;  when  was  it  written  ?" 

"  Oh,  dear  me,  that  is  so  very  unfortunate.  "WTiy,  sir,  my  lord 
sent  off  a  servant  this  morning  to  Kilrush,  in  Lord  Kilkee's  tilbury, 
to  request  you  would  meet  them  all  in  Ennis  this  evening,  where 
they  had  intended  to  stop  for  to-night ;  and  they  waited  here  till 
near  four  o'clock  to-day,  but  when  the  servant  came  back  with  the 
intelligence  that  you  were  from  home,  and  not  expected  to  return 
soon,  they  were  obliged  to  set  out,  and  are  not  going  to  make  any 
delay  now  till  they  reach  London.  The  last  direction,  however, 
my  lord  gave,  was  to  forward  her  ladyship's  letter  to  you  as  soon  as 
possible." 

What  I  thought,  said,  or  felt,  might  be  a  good  subject  of  confes- 
sion to  Father  ALalaohi,  for  I  fear  it  may  be  recorded  among  my 
sins,  as  I  doubt  not  that  the  agony  I  suffered  vented  itself  in  no 
measured  form  of  speech  or  conduct ;  but  I  have  nothing  to  confess 
here  on  the  subject,  being  so  totally  overwhelmed  as  not  to  know 
what  I  did  or  said.   My  first  gleam  of  reason  elicited  itself  by  asking: 


78  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  VER. 

"Is  there,  then,  no  chance  of  their  stopping  in  Ennis  to-night?" 
As  I  put  the  question,  my  mind  reverted  to  Peter  and  his  eternal 
canter. 

"  Oh  dear,  no,  sir  ;  the  horses  are  ordered  to  take  them  since  Tues- 
day ;  and  they  only  thought  of  staying  in  Ennis,  if  you  came  time 
enough  to  meet  them — and  they  will  be  so  sorry." 

"  Do  you  think  so,  Mrs.  Herbert  ?  do  you  indeed  think  so  ?"  said 
I,  in  a  most  insinuating  tone. 

"  I  am  perfectly  sure  of  it,  sir." 

"  Oh,  Mrs.  Herbert,  you  are  too  kind  to  think  so ;  but  perhaps — 
that  is — may  be,  Mrs.  Herbert,  she  said  something " 

"Who,  sir?" 

"  Lady  Callonby,  I  mean  ;  did  her  ladyship  leave  any  message 
for  me  about  her  plants  ?  or  did  she  remember " 

Mrs.  Herbert  kept  looking  at  me  all  the  time,  with  her  great  wide 
gray  eyes,  while  I  kept  stammering  and  blushing  like  a  schoolboy. 

"  No,  sir  ;  her  ladyship  said  nothing,  sir  ;  but  Lady  Jane " 

"Yes;  well,  what  of  Lady  Jane,  my  dear  Mrs.  Herbert?" 

"  Oh,  sir  I  but  you  look  pale  1  would  you  not  like  to  have  a  little 
wine  and  water — or  perhaps " 

"  No,  thank  you,  nothing  whatever  ;  I  am  just  a  little  fatigued — 
but  you  were  mentioning " 

"  Yes,  sir ;  I  was  saying  that  Lady  Jane  was  mighty  particular 
about  a  small  plant;  she  ordered  it  to  be  left  in  her  dressing-room. 
Though  Collins  told  her  to  have  some  of  the  handsome  ones  of  the 
green-house,  she  would  have  nothing  but  this ;  and  if  you  were  only 
to  hear  half  the  directions  she  gave  about  keeping  it  watered,  and 
taking  off  dead  leaves,  you'd  think  her  heart  was  set  on  it." 

Mrs.  Herbert  would  have  had  no  cause  to  prescribe  for  my  pale- 
ness had  she  only  looked  at  me  this  time  ;  fortunately,  however,  she 
was  engaged,  housekeeper-like,  in  bustling  among  books,  papers, 
&c.,  which  she  had  come  in  for  the  purpose  of  arranging  and  pack- 
ing up, — she  being  left  behind  to  bring  up  the  rear  and  the  heavy 
baggage. 

Very  few  moments'  consideration  were  sufficient  to  show  me  that 
pursuit  was  hopeless.  Whatever  might  have  been  Peter's  perform- 
ance in  the  reign  of"  Queen  Anne,"  he  had  now  become,  like  the 
goose  so  pathetically  described  by  my  friend  Lover,  rather  "  stiff  in 
his  limbs,"  and  the  odds  were  fearfully  against  his  overtaking  four 
horses,  starting  fresh  every  ten  miles,  not  to  mention  their  being 
some  hours  in  advance  already.  Having  declined  all  Mrs.  Herbert's 
many  kind  offers  anent  food  and  rest,  I  took  a  last  lingering  look  at 
the  beautiful  ])icture,  which  still  held  its  place  in  the  room  lately 
mine,  and  hurried  from  a  place  so  full  of  recollections ;  and  not- 


THE  LADY'S  LETTER.  79 

withstanding  the  many  reasons  I  had  for  self-gratulation,  every 
object  around  and  about  filled  me  with  sorrow  and  regret  for  hours 
that  had  passed — never,  never  to  return. 

It  was  very  late  when  I  reached  my  old  quarters  at  Kilrush.  Mrs. 
Healy,  fortunately,  was  in  bed  asleep — fortunately,  I  say,  for  had 
Bhe  selected  that  occasion  to  vent  her  indignation  for  my  long 
absence,  I  greatly  fear  that,  in  my  then  temper,  I  should  have  ex- 
hibited but  little  of  that  Job-like  endurance  for  which  I  v/as  once 
esteemed.  I  entered  my  little  mean-looking  parlor,  with  its  three 
chairs  and  lame  table,  and  as  I  flung  myself  upon  the  wretched  sub- 
stitute for  a  sofa,  and  thought  upon  the  varied  events  which  a  few 
weeks  had  brought  about,  it  required  the  aid  of  her  ladyship's  letter, 
which  I  had  open  before  me,  to  assure  me  I  was  not  dreaming. 

The  entire  of  that  night  I  could  not  sleep ;  my  destiny  seemed 
upon  its  balance ;  and  whether  the  scale  inclined  to  this  side  or 
that,  good  or  evil  fortune  seemed  to  betide  me.  How  many  were 
my  plans  and  resolutions,  and  how  often  abandoned ;  again  to  be 
pondered  over,  and  once  more  given  up  I  The  gray  dawn  of  the 
morning  was  already  breaking,  and  found  me  still  doubting  and  un- 
certain. At  last  the  die  was  thrown  ;  I  determined  at  once  to  apply 
for  leave  to  my  commanding  officer  (which  he  could,  if  he  pleased, 
give  me,  without  any  a2)plication  to  the  Horse  Guards),  set  out  for 
Elton,  tell  Sir  Guy  my  whole  adventure,  and  endeavor,  by  a  more 
moving  love-story  than  ever  graced  even  the  Minerva  Press,  to  in- 
duce him  to  make  some  settlement  on  me,  and  use  his  influence  with 
Lord  Callonby  in  my  behalf;  this  done,  set  out  for  London,  and 
then— and  then— what  then  ?— then  for  the  Morning  Post—"  orange 
flowers  " — "  happy  couple  " — "  Lord  Callonby's  seat  in  Hampshire," 
&c.,  &c. 

"  You  wished  to  be  called  at  five,  sir,"  said  Stubbes. 

"  Yes  ;  is  it  five  o'clock  ?" 

"No,  sir;  but  I  heard  you  call  out  something  about  'four  horses,' 
and  I  thought  you  might  be  hurried,  so  I  came  in  a  little  earlier." 

"  Quite  right,  Stubbes.  Let  me  have  my  breakfast  as  soon  as 
possible,  and  see  that  the  chestnut  horse  I  brought  here  last  night  is 
fed." 

"  And  now  for  it,"  said  L  After  writing  a  hurried  note  to  Curzon, 
requesting  him  to  take  command  of  my  party  at  Kilrush  till  he 
heard  from  me,  and  sending  my  kind  remembrance  to  my  three 
friends,  I  despatched  the  epistle  by  my  servant  on  Peter,  while  I 
hastened  to  secure  a  place  in  the  mail  for  Ennis,  on  the  box-seat  of 
which  let  my  kind  reader  suppose  me  seated,  as,  wrapping  my  box- 
coat  around  me,  I  lit  my  cigar  and  turned  my  eyes  towards  Limerick. 


80  EARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

CHAPTER   VIII. 

CONGRATULATIONS — SICK  LEAVE — HOW  TO  PASS  THE  BOARD. 

SCARCELY  had  I  seated  myself  to  breakfast  at  Swinburne's 
Hotel,  Limerick,  when  the  waiter  handed  me  a  letter.  As  my 
first  glance  at  the  address  showed  it  to  be  in  Colonel  Carden's 
handwriting,  I  felt  not  a  little  alarmed  for  the  consequences  of  the 
rash  step  I  had  taken  in  leaving  my  detachment.  While  quickly- 
thronging  fancies  of  arrest  and  court-martial  flitted  before  me,  I 
summoned  resolution  at  last  to  break  the  seal,  and  read  as  follows : — 

"My  Dear  Lorrequer," — " '  Dear  Lorrequer !'  dear  me,"  thought 
I^ — "  cool,  certainly,  from  one  I  have  ever  regarded  as  an  open 
enemy," — "  My  dear  Lorrequer,  I  have  just  accidentally  heard  of 
your  arrival  here,  and  hasten  to  inform  you  that,  as  it  may  not  be 
impossible  your  reasons  for  so  abruptly  leaving  your  detachment  are 
known  to  me,  I  shall  not  visit  your  breach  of  discipline  very 
heavily.  My  old  and  worthy  friend  Lord  Callonby,  who  passed 
thrcwgh  here  yesterday,  has  so  warmly  interested  himself  in  your 
behalf,  that  I  feel  disposed  to  do  all  in  my  power  to  serve  you,  inde- 
pendent of  my  desire  to  do  so  on  your  own  account.  Come  over 
here,  then,  as  soon  as  possible,  and  let  us  talk  over  your  plans 
together. 

"  Believe  me,  most  truly  yours, 

HLenby  Cabden. 

"  Barracks,  10  o'clock." 

However  mysterious  and  difficult  to  unravel  have  been  some  of 
the  circumstances  narrated  in  these  "  Confessions,"  I  do  not  scruple 
to  avow  that  the  preceding  letter  was  to  me  by  far  the  most  inex- 
plicable piece  of  fortune  I  had  hitherto  met  with.  That  Lord 
Callonby  should  have  converted  one  whom  I  believed  an  implacable 
foe  into  a  most  obliging  friend,  was  intelligible  enough,  seeing  that 
his  lordship  had  through  life  been  the  patron  of  the  colonel ;  but 
why  he  had  so  done,  and  what  communications  he  could  possibly 
have  made  with  regard  to  me,  that  Colonel  Carden  should  speak  of 
"my  plans,"  and  proffer  assistance  in  them,  was  a  perfect  riddle; 
and  the  only  solution  one  so  ridiculously  flattering  that  I  dared  not 
think  of  it.  I  read  and  re-read  the  note ;  misplaced  the  stops ; 
canvassed  every  expression ;  did  all  to  detect  a  meaning  diflerent 
from  the  obvious  one,  fearful  of  a  self-deception  where  so  much 
was  at  stake.  Yet  there  it  stood  forth,  a  plain,  straightforward 
proffer  of  services,  for  some  object  evidently  known  to  the  writer; 
and  my  only  conclusion  from  all  was  this,  that  "  my  Lord  Callonby 


CONOR  A  TULA  TIONS.  81 

was  the  gem  of  his  order,  and  had  a  most  remarkable  talent  for 
selecting  a  son-in-law." 

I  fell  into  a  deep  reverie  upon  my  past  life,  and  the  prospects 
which  I  now  felt  were  opening  before  me.  Nothing  seemed  extra- 
vagant to  hopes  so  well  founded — to  expectations  so  brilliant — and, 
in  my  mind's  eye,  I  beheld  myself  one  moment  leading  my  young 
and  beautiful  bride  through  the  crowded  saloons  of  Devonshire 
House ;  and  at  the  next  I  was  contemplating  the  excellence  and 
perfection  of  my  stud  arrangements  at  Melton,  for  I  resolved  not  to 
give  up  hunting.  While  in  this  pleasurable  exercise  of  my  fancy, 
I  was  removing  from  before  me  some  of  the  breakfast  equipage, 
or,  as  I  then  believed  it,  breaking  the  trees  into  better  groups 
upon  my  lawn,  I  was  once  more  brought  to  the  world  and  its  dull 
reality  by  the  following  passage,  which  my  eye  fell  upon  in  the 
newspaper  before  me:  "We  understand  that  the  4 — th  are  daily 
expecting  the  route  for  Cork,  from  whence  they  are  to  sail,  early  in 
the  ensuing  month,  for  Halifiix,  to  relieve  the  88th."  While  it  did 
not  take  a  moment's  consideration  to  show  me  that,  though  the  i^gi- 
ment  there  mentioned  was  the  one  I  belonged  to,  I  could  har^no 
possible  interest  in  the  announcement — it  never  coming  into  my 
calculation  that  /  should  submit  to  such  expatriation — yet  it  gave 
me  a  salutary  warning  that  there  was  no  time  to  be  lost  in  making 
my  application  for  leave  ;  this  once  obtained,  I  should  have  ample 
time  to  manage  an  exchange  into  another  corps.  The  wonderful 
revolution  a  few  days  had  effected  in  all  my  tastes  and  desires  did 
not  escape  me  at  this  moment.  But  a  week  or  two  before,  and  I 
should  have  regarded  an  order  for  foreign  service  as  anything  rather 
than  unpleasant;  now,  the  thought  was  insupportable.  Then,  there 
would  have  been  some  charm  to  me  in  the  very  novelty  of  the  locale, 
and  the  indulgence  of  that  vagrant  spirit  I  have  ever  possessed 
— for,  like  Justice  Woodcock,  "I  certainly  should  have  been  a 
vagabond  if  Pr<)vidence  had  not  made  me  a  justice  of  the  peace" — 
now,  I  could  not  even  contemplate  the  thing  as  possible,  and  would 
actually  have  refused  the  command  of  a  regiment,  if  the  condition 
of  its  acceptance  were  to  sail  for  the  colonies. 

Besides,  I  tried — and  how  ingenious  is  self-deception — I  tried  to 
find  arguments  in  support  of  my  determination  totally  different 
from  the  reasons  which  governed  me.  I  affected  to  fear  climate, 
and  to  dread  the  effect  of  the  tropics  upon  my  health.  "  It  may  do 
very  well,"  thought  I,  "for  men  totally  destitute  of  better  pros- 
pects, with  neither  talent,  influence,  nor  powerful  connection,  to 
roast  their  cheeks  at  Sierra  Leone,  or  suck  a  sugar-cane  at  St.  Lucia. 
But  that  you,  Harry  Lorrcquer,  should  waste  your  sweetness  upon 
planters'  daughters — that  have  only  to  be  known  to  have  the  world 

e 


82  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

at  your  feet! — the  thing  is  absurd,  and  not  to  be  thought  of  I 
Yes,"  said  I,  half  aloud,  "  Ave  read  in  the  army  list  that  Major  A. 
is  aj^pointed  to  the  60th,  and  Captain  B.  to  the  12th ;  but  how  much 
MiOre  near  the  truth  would  it  be  to  say,  'That  his  Majesty,  in  con- 
sideration of  the  distinguished  services  of  the  one,  has  been  gra- 
ciously pleased  to  appoint  him  to a  case  of  blue  and  collapsed 

cholera,  in  India ;  and  also  for  the  bravery  and  gallant  conduct  of 
i.lie  other,  in  his  late  affair  with  the  '  How-dow-dallah  Indians,' 

has  promoted  him  to  the yellow  fever  now  devastating  and 

desolating  Jamaica?'"  How  far  my  zeal  for  the  service  might 
have  carried  me  on  this  point  I  know  not,  for  I  was  speedily  aroused 
from  my  musings  by  the  loud  tramp  of  feet  upon  the  stairs,  and  the 
sound  of  many  well-known  voices  of  my  brother  officers,  who  were 
coming  to  visit  me. 

"So,  Harry,  my  boy,"  said  the  fat  major,  as  he  entered,  "  is  it 
true  we  are  not  to  have  the  pleasure  of  your  company  to  Jamaica 
this  time?" 

"  He  prefers  a  pale  face,  it  seems,  to  a  black  one  ;  and  certainly, 
with  thirty  thousand  in  the  same  scale,  the  taste  is  excusable," 

"  But,  Lorrequer,"  said  a  third,  "  we  heard  that  you  had  can- 
vassed the  county  in  the  Callonby  interest.  Why,  man,  where  do 
you  mean  to  pull  up  ?" 

"  As  for  me,"  lisped  a  large-eyed,  white-haired  ensign  of  three 
months'  standing,  "  I  think  it  devilish  hard  that  old  Garden  didn't 
send  me  down  there  too,  for  I  hear  there  are  two  girls  in  the  family. 
Eh,  Lorrequer?" 

Having,  with  all  that  peculiar  bashfulness  such  occasions  are  sure 
to  elicit,  disclaimed  the  happiness  my  friends  so  clearly  ascribed  to 
me,  I  yet  pretty  plainly  let  it  be  understood  that  the  more  brilliant 
they  supposed  my  present  prospects  to  be,  the  more  near  were  they 
to  estimate  them  justly.  One  thing  certainly  gratified  me  through- 
out. All  seemed  rejoiced  at  my  good  fortune,  and  even  the  old 
Scotch  paymaster  made  no  more  caustic  remark  than  that  he  "  wad 
na  wonder  if  the  chiel's  black  whiskers  wad  get  him  made  governor 
of  Stirling  Castle  before  he  deed." 

Should  any  of  my  most  patient  listeners  to  these  my  humble 
"  Confessions"  wonder,  either  here  or  elsewhere,  upon  what  very 
slight  foundations  I  built  these  my  "Chateaux  en  Espagnc,"  I  have 
only  one  answer — "  that  from  my  boyhood  I  have  had  a  taste  for 
florid  architecture,  and  would  rather  have  put  up  with  any  inconve- 
nience of  ground  than  not  build  at  all." 

As  it  was  growing  late,  I  hurriedly  bade  adieu  to  my  friends,  and 
hastened  to  Colonel  Garden's  quarters,  where  I  found  him  waiting 
for  me,  in  company  with  my  old  friend  Fitzgerald,  our  regimental 


CONOR  A  TULA  TIONS.  83 

surgeon.  Our  first  greetings  over,  the  colonel  drew  me  aside  into  a 
window,  and  said  that,  from  certain  expressions  Lord  Callonby  hud 
made  use  of — certain  hints  he  had  dropped — he  was  perfectly  aware 
of  the  delicate  position  in  which  I  stood  with  respect  to  his  lord- 
ship's family.  "  In  fact,  my  dear  Lorrcquer,"  he  continued, 
"without  wishing  in  the  least  to  obtrude  myself  upon  your  confi- 
dence, I  must  yet  be  permitted  to  say,  you  are  the  luckiest  fellow  in 
Europe,  and  I  most  sincerely  congratulate  you  on  the  prospect 
before  you." 

"  But,  my  dear  colonel,  I  assure  you " 

"  Well,  well,  there — not  a  word  more ;  don't  blush  now.  I  know 
there  is  always  a  kind  of  secrecy  thought  necessary  on  these  occa- 
sions, for  the  sake  of  other  parties ;  so  let  us  pass  to  your  plans. 
From  what  I  have  collected,  you  have  not  proposed  formally.  But, 
of  course,  you  desire  a  leave.  You'll  not  quit  the  army,  I  trust;  no 
necessity  for  that ;  such  influence  as  yours  can  always  appoint  you 
to  an  unattached  commission." 

"  Once  more  let  me  protest,  sir,  that  though  for  certain  reasons 
most  desirous  to  obtain  a  leave  of  absence,  I  have  not  the  most  re- 
mote  " 

"  That's  right,  quite  right ;  I  am  sincerely  gratified  to  hear  you 
say  so,  and  so  will  be  Lord  Callonby ;  for  he  likes  the  service." 

And  thus  was  my  last  effort  at  a  disclaimer  cut  short  by  the 
loquacious  little  colonel,  who  regarded  my  unfinished  sentence  with 
his  own  opinion. 

"  Allah  il  Allah"  thought  I,  "  it  is  my  Lord  Callonby's  own  plot ; 
and  his  friend  Colonel  Garden  aids  and  abets  him." 

"  Now,  Lorrequer,"  resumed  the  colonel,  "let  us  proceed.  You 
have,  of  course,  heard  that  we  are  ordered  abroad ;  mere  newspaper 
report  for  the  present ;  nevertheless,  it  is  extremely  difficult — almost 
impossible — without  a  sick  certificate,  to  obtain  a  leave  sufficiently 
long  for  your  purpose." 

And  here  he  smirked,  and  I  blushed,  selon  les  regies, 

"  A  sick  certificate,"  said  I,  in  some  surprise. 

"The  only  thing  for  you,"  said  Fitzgerald,  taking  a  long  pinch 
of  snuff;  "  and  I  grieve  to  say  you  have  a  most  villainous  look  of 
good  health  about  you." 

"  I  must  acknowledge  I  have  seldom  felt  better." 

"  So  much  the  worse — so  much  the  worse,"  said  Fitzgerald,  de- 
spondingly.  "  Is  there  no  family  complaint ;  no  respectable  heir- 
loom of  infirmity  you  can  lay  claim  to  from  your  kindred?" 

"  None  that  I  know  of,  unless  a  very  active  performance  on  the 
several  occasions  of  breakfast,  dinner,  and  supper,  with  a  tendency 
towards  port,  and  an  inclination  to  sleep  ten  in  every  twenty-four 


84  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

hours,  be  a  sign  of  sickness.  These  symptoms  I  have  known  many 
of  the  family  suffer  for  years  without  the  slightest  alleviation, 
though,  strange  as  it  may  appear,  they  occasionally  had  medical 
advice." 

Fitz  took  no  notice  of  my  sneer  at  the  faculty,  but  proceeded  to 
strike  my  chest  several  times  with  his  finger  tips.  "  Try  a  short 
cough,  now,"  said  he.  "  Ah,  that  will  never  do  1  Do  you  ever 
flush — before  dinner,  I  mean?" 

"  Occasionally,  when  I  meet  with  a  luncheon." 

"  I'm  fairly  puzzled,"  said  poor  Fitz,  throwing  himself  into  a 
chair.  "  Gout  is  a  very  good  thing ;  but  then  you  see  you  are  only 
a  sub,  and  it  is  clearly  against  the  articles  of  war  to  have  it  before 
being  a  field  officer  at  least.  Apoplexy  is  the  best  I  can  do  for  you  ; 
and,  to  say  the  truth,  any  one  who  witnesses  your  performance  at 
mess  may  put  faith  in  the  likelihood  of  it.  Do  you  think  you  could 
get  up  a  fit  for  the  medical  board  ?"  said  Fitz,  gravely. 

"Why,  if  absolutely  indispensable,"  said  I,  "and  with  good  in- 
struction— something  this  way.     Eh,  is  it  not?" 

"  Nothing  of  the  kind — you  are  quite  wrong." 

"  Is  there  not  always  a  little  laughing  and  crying  ?"  said  I. 

"  Oh  no,  no ;  take  the  cue  from  the  paymaster  any  evening  after 
mess,  and  you'll  make  no  mistake — very  florid  about  the  cheeks ; 
rather  a  lazy  look  in  one  eye,  the  other  closed  up  entirely ;  snore  a 
little  from  time  to  time,  and  don't  be  too  much  disposed  to  talk." 

"And  you  think  I  may  pass  muster  in  this  way?" 

"  Indeed  you  may,  if  old  Camid,  the  inspector,  happen  to  be 
(what  he  is  not  often)  in  a  good  humor.  But  I  confess  I'd  rather 
you  were  really  ill,  for  we've  passed  a  great  number  of  counterfeits 
latterly,  and  we  may  all  be  pulled  up  ere  long." 

"  Not  the  less  grateful  for  your  kindness,"  said  I ;  "  but  still  I'd 
rather  matters  stood  as  they  do." 

Having  at  length  obtained  a  very  formidable  statement  of  my 
"case"  from  the  doctor,  and  a  strong  letter  from  the  colonel,  de- 
ploring the  temporary  loss  of  so  promising  a  young  officer,  I  com- 
mitted myself  and  my  portmanteau  to  the  inside  of  his  Majesty's 
mail,  and  started  for  Dublin  with  as  light  a  heart  and  high  spirits 
as  were  consistent  with  so  much  delicacy  of  health  and  the  direc- 
tions of  my  doctor. 


THE  ROAD.  80 

CHAPTER  IX. 

THE    ROAD  —  TRAVELLING    ACQUAINTANCES  —  A    PACKET   ADVEN- 
TURE. 

I  SHALL  not  stop  now  to  narrate  the  particulars  of  my  visit  to 
the  worthies  of  the  medical  board,  the  rather  as  some  of  my 
"Confessions  to  come"  have  reference  to  Dublin,  and  many  of 
those  that  dwell  therein.  I  shall  therefore  content  myself  here 
with  stating  that  without  any  difficulty  I  obtained  a  six  months' 
leave,  and  having  received  much  advice  and  more  sympathy  from 
many  members  of  that  body,  took  a  respectful  leave  of  them,  and 
adjourned  to  Bilton's,  where  I  had  ordered  dinner,  and  (as  I  was  ad- 
vised to  live  low)  a  bottle  of  Sneyd's  claret.  My  hours  in  Dublin 
were  numbered ;  at  eight  o'clock  on  the  evening  of  my  arrival  I 
hastened  to  the  Pigeon  House  pier,  to  take  my  berth  in  the  packet 
for  Liverpool ;  and  here,  gentle  reader,  let  me  implore  you,  if  you 
have  bowels  of  compassion,  to  commiserate  the  condition  of  a  sorry 
mortal  like  myself.  In  the  days  of  which  I  now  speak,  steam- 
])ackets  were  not — men  knew  not  then  of  the  pleasure  of  going  to  a 
comfortable  bed  in  Kingstown  harbor,  and  waking  on  the  morning 
after  in  the  Clarence  dock  at  Liverpool,  with  only  the  addition  of  a 
little  sharper  appetite  for  breakfast,  before  they  set  out  on  an  excur- 
sion of  forty  miles  per  hour  through  the  air. 

In  the  time  I  have  now  to  commemorate,  the  intercourse  between 
the  two  countries  was  maintained  by  two  sailing  vessels,  of  small 
tonnage  and  still  scantier  accommodation.  Of  the  one  now  in  ques- 
tion I  well  recollect  the  name— she  was  called  the  "Alert,"  and  cer- 
tainly a  more  unfortunate  misnomer  could  scarcely  be  conceived. 
Well,  there  was  no  choice;  so  I  took  my  place  upon  the  crowded 
deck  of  the  little  craft,  and  in  a  drizzling  shower  of  chilly  rain,  and 
amid  more  noise,  confusion,  and  bustle  than  would  prelude  the 
launch  of  a  line-of-battle  ship,  we  "  sidled,"  goose-fashion,  from  the 
shore,  and  began  our  voyage  towards  England. 

It  is  not  my  intention,  in  the  present  stage  of  my  "  Confessions," 
to  delay  on  the  road  towards  an  event  which  influenced  so  power- 
fully and  so  permanently  my  after-life ;  yet  I  cannot  refrain  from 
chronicling  a  slio;ht  incident  which  occurred  on  board  the  packet, 

_ 

and  which,  I  have  no  doubt,  may  be  remembered  by  some  of  those 
who  throw  their  eyes  on  these  pages. 

One  of  my  fellow-passengers  was  a  gentleman  holding  a  high  offi- 
cial appointment  in  the  viceregal  court,  eitlier  comptroller  of  the 
household,  master  of  the  horse,  or  something  else  equally  magnifi- 
cent ;  whatever  the  nature  of  the  situation,  one  thing  is  certain— one 


86  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

possessed  of  more  courtly  manners  and  more  polished  address  can- 
not be  conceived,  to  which  he  added  all  the  attractions  of  a  very 
handsome  jjerson  and  a  most  prepossessing  countenance.  The  only 
thing  the  most  scrupulous  critic  could  possibly  detect  as  faulty  in 
his  whole  air  and  bearing,  was  a  certain  ultra  refinement  and  fas- 
tidiousness, which  in  a  man  of  acknowledged  family  and  connections 
was  somewhat  unaccountable,  and  certainly  unnecessary.  The  fas- 
tidiousness I  speak  of  extended  to  everything  round  and  about  him; 
he  never  ate  of  the  wrong  dish  nor  spoke  to  the  wrong  man  in  his 
life,  and  that  very  consciousness  gave  him  a  kind  of  horror  of 
chance  acquaintances,  which  made  him  shrink  within  himself  from 
persons  in  every  respect  his  equals.  Those  who  knew  Sir  Stewart 
Moore  will  know  I  do  not  exaggerate  in  either  my  praise  or  cen- 
sure, and  to  those  who  have  not  had  that  pleasure,  I  have  only  to 
say,  theirs  was  the  loss,  and  they  must  take  my  word  for  the  facts. 

The  very  antithesis  to  the  person  just  mentioned  was  another 
passenger  then  on  board.  She — for  even  in  sex  they  were  different — 
she  was  a  short,  squat,  red-faced,  vulgar-looking  woman,  of  about 
fifty,  possessed  of  a  most  garrulous  tendency,  and  talking  indis- 
criminately with  every  one  about  her,  careless  what  reception  her 
addresses  met  with,  and  quite  indiflTerent  to  the  many  rebufts  she 
momentarily  encountered.  To  me,  by  what  impulse  driven  Heaven 
knows,  this  amorphous  piece  of  womanhood  seemed  determined  to 
attach  herself.  Whether  in  the  smoky  and  almost  impenetrable 
recesses  of  the  cabin,  or  braving  the  cold  and  penetrating  rain  upon 
deck,  it  mattered  not,  she  was  ever  at  ray  side,  and  not  only  martyring 
me  by  the  insufferable  annoyance  of  her  vulgar  loquacity,  but  actu- 
ally, from  the  appearance  of  acquaintanceship  such  constant  associa- 
tion gave  rise  to,  frightening  any  one  else  from  conversing  with  me, 
and  rendering  me,  ere  many  hours,  a  perfect  Pariah  among  the  pas- 
sengers. By  no  one  were  we — for,  ahis  !  we  had  become  Siamese — 
so  thoroughly  dreaded  as  by  the  refined  baronet  I  have  mentioned ; 
he  appeared  to  shrink  from  our  very  approach,  and  avoided  us  as 
though  we  had  the  plagues  of  Egypt  about  ua.  I  saw  this— I  felt 
it  deeply,  and  as  deeply  and  resolutely  I  vowed  to  be  revenged,  and 
the  time  was  not  long  distant  in  affording  me  the  opportunity. 

The  interesting  Mrs.  Mulrooney — for  such  was  my  fair  companion 
called — was  on  the  present  occasion  making  her  dSi)t  on  what  she 
was  pleased  to  call  the  "says  :"  she  was  proceeding  to  the  Liverpool 
market  as  the  proprietor  and  supercargo  over  some  legion  of  swine 
that  occupied  the  hold  of  the  vessel,  and  whose  mellifluous  tones 
were  occasionally  heard  in  all  parts  of  the  ship.  Having  in- 
formed me  on  these,  together  with  some  circumstances  of  her 
birth  and  parentage,  she  proceeded  to  narrate  some  of  the  cautions 


THE  ROAD.  87 

given  by  her  friends  as  to  her  safety  when  making  such  a  long  voyage, 
and  also  to  detail  some  of  the  antiseptics  to  tluit  dread  scourge,  sea- 
sickness, in  the  fear  and  terror  of  which  she  had  come  on  board, 
and  seemed  every  hour  to  be  increasing  in  alarm  about. 

"Do  you  think  then,  sir,  that  pork  is  no  good  agin  the  sickness? 
Mickey — that's  my  husband,  sir — says  it's  the  only  thing  in  life  for 
it,  av  it's  toasted." 

"  Not  the  least  use,  I  assure  you." 

"Nor  sperits  and  wather?" 

"  Worse  and  worse,  ma'am." 

"Oh,  thin,  maybe  oaten  mail  tay  would  do?  It's  a  beautiful 
thing  for  the  stomick,  anyhow." 

"  Rank  poison  on  the  present  occasion,  believe  me." 

"  Oh,  then,  blessed  Mary,  what  am  I  to  do — what  is  to  become  of 
me?" 

"  Go  down  at  once  to  your  berth,  ma'am ;  He  still  and  without 
speaking  till  we  come  within  sight  of  land ;  or," — and  here  a  bright 
thought  seized  me — "  if  you  really  feel  very  ill,  call  for  that  man 
there,  with  the  fiir  collar  on  his  coat ;  he  can  give  you  the  only 
thing  I  ever  knew  of  any  efficacy ;  he's  the  steward,  ma'am,  Stewart 
Moore ;  but  you  must  be  on  your  guard,  too,  as  you  are  a  stranger, 
for  he's  a  conceited  fellow,  and  has  saved  a  trifle,  and  sets  up  for  a 
half  gentleman  ;  so  don't  be  surprised  at  his  manner ;  though,  after 
all,  you  may  find  him  very  different;  some  people,  I've  heard,  think 
him  extremely  civil." 

"  And  he  has  a  cure,  ye  say  ?" 

"The  only  one  I  ever  heard  of;  it's  a  little  cordial,  of  which  you 
take,  I  don't  know  how  much,  every  ten  or  fifteen  minutes." 

"And  the  naygur  doesn't  let  the  secret  out,  bad  manners  to  him?" 

"  No,  ma'am ;  he  has  refused  every  offer  on  the  subject." 

"  May  I  be  so  bowld  as  to  ax  his  name  again  ?" 

"  Stewart  Moore,  ma'am.  Moore  is  the  name,  but  people  always 
call  him  Stewart  Moore ;  just  say  that  in  a  loud,  clear  voice,  and 
you'll  soon  have  him." 

With  the  most  profuse  protestations  of  gratitude  and  promises  of 
pork  a  discretion  if  I  ever  sojourned  at  Ballinasloe,  my  fair  friend 
proceeded  to  follow  my  advice,  and  descended  to  the  cabin. 

Some  hours  after,  I  also  betook  myself  to  my  rest,  from  which, 
however,  towards  midnight,  I  was  awoke  by  the  heavy  working  and 
pitching  of  the  little  vessel,  as  she  labored  in  a  rough  sea.  As  I 
looked  forth  from  my  narrow  crib,  a  more  woebegone  picture  can 
scarcely  be  imagined  than  that  before  me.  Here  and  there  through 
the  gloomy  cabin  lay  the  victims  of  the  fell  malady,  in  every  stage 
of  suffering  and  in  every  attitude  of  misery.    Their  cries  and  lament- 


88  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

ings  mingled  with  the  creaking  of  the  bulkheads  and  the  jarring 
twang  of  the  dirty  lamp,  whose  irregular  swing  told  plainly  how 
oscillatory  was  our  present  motion.  I  turned  from  the  unpleasant 
sight,  and  was  about  again  to  address  myself  to  slumber  with  what 
success  I  might,  when  I  started  at  the  sound  of  a  voice  in  the 
very  berth  next  to  me,  whose  tones,  once  heard,  there  was  no  forget- 
ting.    The  words  ran,  as  nearly  as  I  can  recollect,  thus : — 

"  Oh,  thin,  bad  luck  to  ye  for  pigs,  that  ever  brought  me  into  the 
like  of  this.  Oh,  Lord,  there  it  is  again."  And  here  a  slight  inter- 
ruption to  eloquence  took  place,  during  which  I  was  enabled  to 
reflect  upon  the  author  of  the  complaint,  who  I  need  not  say  was 
Mrs.  Mulrooney. 

"  I  think  a  little  tay  would  settle  my  stomick,  if  I  only  could  get 
it;  but  what's  the  use  of  talking  in  this  horrid  place?  They  never 
mind  me  no  more  than  if  I  was  a  pig.  Steward,  steward  ! — oh,  thin, 
it's  wishing  you  well  I  am  for  a  steward.  Steward,  I  say  I"  and  this 
she  really  did  say,  with  an  energy  of  voice  and  manner  that  startled 
more  than  one  sleeper.     "  Oh,  you're  coming  at  last,  steward." 

"Ma'am,"  said  a  little  dapper  and  dirty  personage  in  a  blue 
jacket,  with  a  greasy  napkin  negligently  thrown  over  one  arm  ex 
officio, — "  ma'am,  did  you  call?" 

"  Call  I — is  it  call  ?  No  ;  but  I'm  roaring  for  you  this  half-hour. 
Come  here.  Have  you  any  of  the  cordial  dhrops  agin  the  sickness? 
— you  know  what  I  mean." 

"  Is  it  brandy,  ma'am  ?" 

"  No,  it  isn't  l)randy." 

"  We  have  got  gin,  ma'am,  and  bottled  porter — cider,  ma'am,  if 
you  like." 

"  Agh,  no  I  sure  I  want  the  dhrops  agin  the  sickness." 

"  Don't  know,  indeed,  ma'am." 

"  Ah,  you  stupid  creature !  Maybe  you're  not  the  real  steward. 
What's  your  name  ?" 

"  Smith,  ma'am." 

"  Ah,  I  thought  so.     Go  away,  man, — go  away." 

This  injunction,  given  in  a  diminuendo  cadence,  was  quickly 
obeyed,  and  all  was  silence  for  a  moment  or  two.  Once  more 
w^as  I  dropping  asleep,  when  the  same  voice  as  before  burst  out 
with — 

"  Am  I  to  die  here  like  a  haythen,  and  nobody  to  come  near  me? 
Steward  I  steward  I  steward  Moore,  I  say." 

"  Who  calls  me  f"  said  a  deep,  sonorous  voice  from  the  opposite 
side  of  the  cabin,  while  at  the  same  inst-int  a  tall  green  silk  night- 
cap, surmounting  a  very  aristocratic-looking  forehead,  appeared 
between  the  curtains  of  the  opposite  berth. 


THE  ROAD.  89 

"Steward  Moore  1"  said  the  lady  again,  with  her  eyes  strain- 
ing in  the  direction  of  the  door  by  which  slie  expected  liim  to 
enter. 

"  This  is  most  strange,"  muttered  the  baronet,  half  aloud.  "  Why, 
madam,  you  are  calling  yneP' 

"  And  if  I  am,"  said  Mrs.  Mulrooney,  "  and  if  ye  heerd  me, 
have  ye   no  manners  to  answer  your  name,  eh?     Are  ye  Steward 

Moore?" 

"Upon  my  life,  ma'am,  I  thought  so  last  night  when  I  came  on 
board !  but  you  really  have  contrived  to  make  nie  doubt  my  own 
identity." 

"  And  is  it  there  ye're  lying  on  the  broad  of  yer  back,  and  me  as 
sick  as  a  dog  foment  ye?" 

"  I  concede,  ma'am,  the  fact ;  the  position  is  a  most  irksome  one 
on  every  account." 

"  Then  why  don't  you  come  over  to  me  ?"  And  this  Mrs.  Mul- 
rooney said  with  a  voice  of  something  like  tenderness— wishing  at 
all  hazards  to  conciliate  so  important  a  functionary. 

"  Why,  really,  you  are  the  most  incomprehensible  person  I  ever 
met." 

"  I'm  what?"  said  Mrs.  Mulrooney,  her  blood  rushing  to  her  face 
and  temples  as  she  spoke — for  the  same  reason  as  her  fair  towns- 
woman  is  reported  to  have  borne  with  stoical  fortitude  every  harsh 
epithet  of  the  language,  until  it  occurred  to  her  opponent  to  tell  her 
that  "  the  divil  a  bit  better  she  was  nor  a  pronoun  ;"  so  Mrs. 
Mulrooney,  taking  "  omne  ignotum  pro  horrihile"  became  perfectly 
beside  herself  at  the  unlucky  phrase.  "  I'm  what  ?  Repate  it  av 
ye  dare,  and  I'll  tear  yer  eyes  out  I  Ye  dirty  bla — guard,  to  be 
lying  there  at  yer  ease  under  the  blankets,  grinnin'  at  me.  What's 
your  thrade — answer  me  that — av  it  isn't  to  wait  on  the  ladies, 
eh?" 

"  Oh,  the  woman  must  be  mad,"  said  Sir  Stewart. 
"The  divil  a  taste  mad,  my  dear — I'm  only  sick.     Now  just  come 
over  to  me  like  a  dacent  creature,  and  give  me  the  dhrop  of  comfort 
ye  have.     Come,  avick." 
"  Go  over  to  you  ?" 

"Ay,  and  why  not?  Or,  if  it's  so  lazy  ye  are,  why,  then  I'll 
thry  and  cross  over  to  your  side." 

These  words  being  accompanied  by  a  certain  indication  of  change 
of  residence  on  the  part  of  Mrs.  Mulrooney,  Sir  Stewart  perceived 
there  was  no  time  to  lose,  and  springing  from  his  berth,  he  rushed 
half-dressed  through  the  cabin  and  up  the  companion-ladder,  just 
as  Mrs.  Mulrooney  had  protruded  a  pair  of  enormous  legs  from  her 
couch,  and  hung  for  a  moment  pendulous  before  she  dropped  upou 


90  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

the  floor  and  followed  him  to  the  deck.  A  tremendous  shout  of 
laughter  from  the  sailors  and  deck  passengers  prevented  my  hear- 
ing the  dialogue  which  ensued;  nor  do  I  yet  know  how  Mrs. 
Mulrooney  learned  her  mistake.  Certain  it  is,  she  no  more 
appeared  amongst  the  passengers  in  the  cabin,  and  Sir  Stewart's 
manner  the  following  morning  at  breakfast  amply  satisfied  me  that 
I  had  had  my  revenge. 


CHAPTER  X. 

UPSET — MIND — AND  BODY. 

N'O  sooner  in  Liverpool,  than  I  hastened  to  take  my  place  in 
the  earliest  conveyance  for  London.    At  that  time  the  Um- 
pire coach  was  the  perfection  of  fast  travelling ;  and,  seated 
behind  the  box,  enveloped  in  a  sufficiency  of  broadcloth,  I  turned 
my  face  towards  town  with  as  much  anxiety  and  as  ardent  expec- 
tations as  most  of  those  about  me.     All  went  on  in  the  regular 
monotonous  routine  of  such  matters  until  we  reached  Northampton, 
passing  down  the  steep  street  of  which  town,  the  near  wheel-horse 
stumbled  and  fell ;  the  coach,  after  a  tremendous  roll  to  one  side, 
toppled  over  on  the  other,  and  with  a  tremendous  crash,  and  sudden 
shock,  sent  all  the  outsides,  myself  among  the  number,  flyingthrough 
the  air  like  sea-gulls.     As  for  me,  after  describing  a  very  respectable 
parabola,  my  angle  of  incidence  landed  me  in  a  bonnet-maker's  shop, 
having  passed  through  a  large  plate-glass  window,  and  destroyed 
more  leghorns  and  dunstables  than  a  year's  pay  would  recompense. 
I  have  but  slight  recollection  of  the  details  of  that  occasion,  until  I 
found  myself  lying  in  a  very  spacious  bed  at  the  George  Inn,  having 
been  bled  in  both  arms,  and  discovering  by  the  multitude  of  band- 
ages in  which  I  was  enveloped,  that  at  least  some  of  my  bones  were 
broken  by  the  fall.     That  such  fate  had  befallen  my  collar  bone 
and  three  of  my  ribs,  I  soon  learned ;  and  was  horror-struck  at 
hearing  from  the  surgeon  who  attended  me  that  four  or  five  weeks 
would  be  the  very  earliest  period  I  could  bear  removal  with  safety. 
Here,  then,  at  once  there  was  a  large  deduction  from  my  six  months' 
leave,  not  to  think  of  the  misery  that  awaited  me  for  such  a  time, 
confined  to  my  bed  in  an  inn,  without  books,  friends,  or  acquaint- 
ances.    However,  even  this  could  be  remedied  by  patience,  and 
summoning  up  all  I  could  command,  I  "  bided  my  time,"  but  not 
before  I  had  completed  a  term  of  two  months'  imprisonment,  and 
had  become,  from  actual  starvation,  something  very  like  a  living 
transparency. 


UPSET.  91 

No  sooner,  however,  did  I  feel  myself  once  more  on  the  road, 
than  my  spirits  rose,  and  I  felt  myself  as  full  of  high  hope  and 
buoyant  expectancy  as  ever.  It  was  late  at  night  when  I  arrived  in 
London.  I  drove  to  a  quiet  hotel  in  the  West-end ;  and  the  follow- 
iug  morning  proceeded  to  rortnian-square,  bursting  with  impatience 
to  see  my  friends  the  Callonbys,  and  recount  all  my  adventures — 
for  I  was  too  ill  to  write  from  Northampton,  and  did  not  wish  to 
entrust  to  a  stranger  the  otfice  of  communicating  with  them.  I 
judged  that  they  must  be  exceedingly  uneasy  on  my  account,  and 
pictured  to  myself  the  thousand  emotions  my  appearance,  so  indica- 
tive of  illness,  would  give  rise  to,  and  could  scarcely  avoid  running 
in  my  impatience  to  be  once  more  among  them.  How  Lady  Jane 
would  meet  me,  I  thought  of  over  and  over  again ;  whether  the 
same  cautious  reserve  awaited  me,  or  whether  her  family's  approval 
would  have  wrought  a  change  in  her  reception  of  me,  I  burned  to 
ascertain.  As  my  thoughts  ran  on  in  this  way,  I  found  myself  at 
the  door,  but  was  much  alarmed  to  perceive  that  the  closed  window- 
shutters  and  dismantled  look  of  the  house  proclaimed  them  from 
home.  I  rang  the  bell,  and  soon  learned  from  a  servant,  whose  face 
I  had  not  seen  before,  that  the  family  had  gone  to  Paris  about  a 
month  before,  with  the  intention  of  spending  the  winter  there.  I 
need  not  say  how  grievously  this  piece  of  intelligence  disappointed 
me,  and  for  a  minute  or  two  I  could  not  collect  my  thoughts.  At 
last  the  servant  said, — 

"  If  you  have  anything  very  particular,  sir,  that  my  lord's  lawyer 
can  do,  I  can  give  you  his  address." 

"No,  thank  you — nothing;"  at  the  same  time  I  muttered  to  my- 
self, "  I'll  have  some  occupation  for  him  though,  ere  long.  The 
family  were  all  quite  well,  didn't  you  say?" 

"  Yes,  sir,  perfectly  well.     My  lord  had  only  a  slight  cold." 

"  Ah— yes— and  their  address  is  '  Meurice;'  very  well." 

So  saying,  I  turned  from  the  door,  and,  with  slower  steps  than  I 
had  come,  returned  to  my  hotel. 

My  immediate  resolve  was  to  set  out  for  Paris  ;  my  second  was  to 
visit  my  uncle.  Sir  Guy  Lorrequer,  first,  and,  having  explained  to 
him  the  nature  of  my  position  and  the  advantageous  pmspects 
before  me,  endeavor  to  induce  him  to  make  some  settlement  on 
Lady  Jane,  in  the  event  of  my  obtaining  her  family's  consent  to 
our  marriage.  This,  from  his  liking  great  people  much,  and  laying 
great  stress  upon  the  advantages  of  connection,  I  looked  upon  as  a 
matter  of  no  great  difficulty ;  so  that,  although  my  hopes  of  happi- 
ness were  delayed  in  their  fulfillment,  I  believed  they  wore  only  to 
be  the  more  securely  realized.  The  same  day  I  set  out  for  Elton, 
and  by  ten  o'clock  at  night  reached  my  uncle's  house.     I  found  the 


92  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

old  gentleman  just  as  I  had  left  him  three  years  before,  complaining 
a  little  of  gout  in  the  left  foot— praising  his  old  specific,  port  wine 
— abusing  his  servants  for  robbing  him— and  drinking  the  Duke  of 
Wellington's  health  every  night  after  supper ;  which  meal  I  had 
much  pleasure  in  surprising  him  at  on  my  arrival— not  having 
eaten  since  my  departure  from  London. 

"  Well,  Harry,"  said  my  uncle,  when  the  servants  had  left  the 
room,  and  we  drew  over  the  spider  table  to  the  fire  to  discuss  our 
wine  with  comfort,  "  what  good  wind  has  blown  you  down  to  me, 
my  boy?  for  it's  odd  enough,  five  minutes  before  I  heard  the 
wheels  on  the  gravel  I  was  just  wishing  some  good  fellow  would 
join  me  at  the  grouse — and  you  see  I  have  had  my  wish  1  The  old 
story,  I  suppose,  'out  of  cash.'  Would  not  come  down  here  for 
nothing— eh  ?     Come,  lad,  tell  truth  ;  is  it  not  so?" 

"  Why,  not  exactly,  sir  ;  but  I  really  would  rather  at  present  talk 
about  you  than  about  my  own  matters,  which  we  can  chat  over  to- 
morrow.    How  do  you  get  on,  sir,  with  the  Scotch  steward  ?" 

"  He's  a  rogue,  sir— a  cheat— a  scoundrel ;  but  it  is  the  same  with 
them  all ;  and  your  cousin,  Harry — your  cousin,  that  I  have  reared 
from  his  infancy  to  be  my  heir  (pleasant  topic  for  me !)— he  cares 
no  more  for  me  than  the  rest  of  them,  and  would  never  come  near 
me  if  it  were  not  that,  like  yourself,  he  was  hard  run  for  money, 
and  wanted  to  wheedle  me  out  of  a  hundred  or  two." 

"  But  you  forget,  sir;  I  told  you  I  have  not  come  with  such  an 
object." 

"  We'll  see  that— we'll  see  that  in  the  morning,"  replied  he,  with 
an  incredulous  shake  of  the  head. 

"  But  Guy,  sir — what  has  Guy  done  ?" 

"  What  has  he  not  done  ?  No  sooner  did  he  join  that  popinjay 
set  of  fellows,  the  — th  hussars,  than  he  turned  out  what  he  calls  a 
four-in-hand  drag,  which  dragged  nine  hundred  pounds  out  of  my 
pocket.  Then  he  has  got  a  yacht  at  Cowes— a  grouse  mountain  in 
Bcothuid — and  has  actually  given  Tattersall  an  unlimited  order  to 
purchase  the  Wrcclcington  i)air  of  harriers,  which  he  intends  to  keep 
for  the  use  of  the  corps.  In  a  word,  there  is  not  an  amusement  of 
that  villainous  regiment,  not  a  flask  of  champagne  drunk  at  their 
mess,  I  don't  bear  my  share  in  the  cost  of;  all  through  the  kind 
offices  of  your  worthy  cousin,  Guy  Lorrequer." 

This  was  an  exceeding  pleasant  cxpos6  for  me,  to  hear  of  my  cou- 
sin indulged  in  every  excess  of  foolish  extravagance  by  his  rich 
uncle,  while  I,  the  son  of  an  elder  brother,  who  unfortunately  called 
me  ])y  his  own  name,  Harry,  remained  the  sub.  in  a  marching  regi- 
ment, with  not  three  hundred  pounds  a  year  above  my  pay,  and 
whom  any  extravagance,  if  such  had  been  proved  against  me,  would 


UPSET.  93 

have  deprived  of  even  that  small  allowance.  My  uncle,  however, 
did  not  notice  the  chagrin  with  which  I  heard  his  narrative,  but 
continued  to  detail  various  instances  of  wild  and  reckless  expense 
the  iuture  possessor  of  liis  ample  property  had  already  launched  into. 

Anxious  to  say  something,  without  well  knowing  what,  I  hinted 
that  probably  my  good  cousin  would  reform  some  of  these  days,  and 
marry. 

"IMarry!"  said  my  uncle ;  "yes,  that  I  believe  is  the  best  thing 
we  can  do  with  him  ;  and  I  hope  now  the  matter  is  in  good  train — 
so  the  latest  accounts  say,  at  least." 

"  Ah,  indeed !"  said  I,  endeavoring  to  take  an  interest  where  I 
really  felt  none,  for  my  cousin  and  I  had  never  been  very  intimate 
friends,  and  the  difference  in  our  fortunes  had  not,  at  least  to  my 
thinking,  been  compensated  by  any  advances  which  he,  under  the 
circumstances,  might  have  made  to  me. 

"  Why,  Harry,  did  you  not  hear  of  it?"  said  my  uncle. 

"No ;  not  a  word,  sir," 

"Very  strange,  indeed — a  great  match,  Harry — a  very  great 
match,  indeed." 

"Some  rich  banker's  daughter,"  thought  I.  "What  will  he  say 
when  he  hears  of  my  fortune?" 

"  A  very  fine  young  woman,  too,  I  understand — quite  the  helle  of 
London — and  a  splendid  property  left  by  an  aunt." 

I  was  bursting  to  tell  him  of  my  affair,  and  that  \fe  had  another 
nephew,  who,  if  common  justice  were  rendered,  had  his  fortune  as 
certainly  made  for  life. 

"  Guy's  business  happened  this  way,"  continued  my  uncle,  w^ho 
was  quite  engrossed  by  the  thought  of  his  favorite's  success,  "  The 
father  of  the  young  lady  met  him  in  Ireland,  or  Scotland,  or  some 
such  place,  where  he  was  with  his  regiment — was  greatly  struck 
with  his  manner  and  address — found  him  out  to  be  my  nephew — 
asked  him  to  his  house — and,  in  fact,  almost  threw  this  lovely  girl 
at  his  head  before  they  were  two  months  acquainted." 

"  As  nearly  as  possible  my  own  adventure,"  thought  I,  laughing 
to  myself. 

"  But  you  have  not  told  me  who  they  are,  sir,"  said  I,  dying  to 
have  his  story  finished,  and  to  begin  mine. 

"  I'm  coming  to  that — I'm  coming  to  that.  Guy  came  down  here, 
but  did  not  tell  me  one  word  of  his  having  ever  met  the  family,  but 
begged  of  me  to  give  him  an  introduction  to  them,  as  they  were  in 
Paris,  where  he  was  going  on  a  short  leave ;  and  the  first  thing  I 
heard  of  the  matter  was  by  a  letter  from  the  papa,  demanding  from 
me  if  Guy  was  to  be  my  heir,  and  asking  *  how  far  his  attentions  ia 
his  family  met  with  my  approval.'  " 


94  BARRY  LORREQVER. 

"  Then  how  did  you  know,  sir,  that  they  were  previously  known 
to  each  other?" 

"  The  family  lawyer  told  me,  who  heard  it  all  talked  over," 

"  And  why,  then,  did  Guy  get  the  letter  of  introduction  from  you, 
when  he  was  already  acquainted  with  them  ?" 

'*  I  am  sure  I  cannot  tell,  except  that  you  know  he  always  does 
everything  unlike  every  one  else,  and  to  be  sure  the  letter  seems  to 
have  excited  some  amusement.  I  must  show  you  his  answer  to  my 
first  note  to  know  how  all  was  going  on — for  I  felt  very  anxious 
about  matters — when  I  heard  from  some  person  who  had  met  them, 
that  Guy  was  everlastingly  in  the  house,  and  that  Lord  Callonby 
could  not  live  without  him," 

"  Lord  who,  sir?"  said  I,  in  a  voice  that  made  the  old  man  upset 
his  glass,  and  spring  from  his  chair  in  horror, 

"  What  the  devil  is  the  matter  with  the  boy  ?  What  makes  you 
so  pale? 

"  Whose  name  did  you  say  at  that  moment,  sir?"  said  I,  with  a 
slowness  of  speech  that  cost  me  agony. 

"  Lord  Callonby,  my  old  schoolfellow  and  fag  at  Eton." 

"  And  the  lady's  name,  sir  ?"  said  I,  in  a  scarcely  audible  whisper. 

"I'm  sure  I  forget  her  name;  but  here's  the  letter  from  Guy,  and 
I  think  he  mentions  her  name  in  the  postscript." 

I  snatched  rudely  the  half-opened  letter  from  the  old  man  as  he 
was  vainly  endeavoring  to  detect  the  place  he  wanted,  and  read  as 
follows : 

"  My  adored  Jane  is  all  your  fondest  wishes  for  my  happiness 
could  picture,  and  longs  to  see  her  dear  uncle,  as  she  already  calls 
you  on  every  occasion."  I  read  no  more — my  eyes  swam — the 
paper,  the  candles,  everything  before  me  was  misty  and  confused  ; 
and  although  I  heard  my  uncle's  voice  still  going  on,  I  knew  nothing 
of  what  he  said. 

For  some  time  my  mind  could  not  take  in  the  full  extent  of  the 
base  treachery  I  had  met  with,  and  I  sat  speechless  and  stupefied. 
By  degrees  my  faculties  became  clearer,  and  with  one  glance  I  read 
the  whole  business,  from  my  first  meeting  with  them  at  Kilrush  to 
the  present  moment.  I  saw  that  in  their  actions  to  me,  they  thought 
they  were  winning  the  heir  of  Elton,  the  future  proprietor  of  fifteen 
thousand  per  annum.  From  this  tangled  web  of  heartless  intrigue 
I  turned  my  thoughts  to  Lady  Jane  herself.  How  had  she  betrayed 
me?— for  certainly  she  had  not  only  received  but  encouraged  my 
addresses— and  so  soon  too  1  To  think  that,  at  the  very  moment 
when  my  own  precipitate  haste  to  see  her  had  involved  me  m  a 
nearly  fatal  accident,  she  was  actually  receiving  the  attentions  of 
another  I     Oh,  it  was  too,  too  bad. 


CHELTENHAM.  95 

But  enough — even  now  I  can  scarcely  dwell  upon  the  memory  of 
that  moment,  when  the  liopcs  and  urcani.s  of  many  a  long  day  iiiid 
night  were  destined  to  be  thus  rudely  blighted.  I  seized  the  first 
opportunity  of  bidding  my  uncle  good-night;  and  having  promised 
him  to  reveal  all  my  plans  on  the  morrovv,  hurried  to  my  room. 

My  j)lans  !  alas,  I  had  none ! — that  one  fatal  paragrajjh  had  scat- 
tered them  to  the  winds ;  and  I  threw  myself  upon  my  bed,  wretched 
and  almost  heart-broken. 

I  have  once  before  in  these  "  Confessions"  claimed  to  myself  the 
privilege,  not  inconsistent  with  a  full  disclosure  of  the  memorabilia 
of  my  life,  to  pass  slightly  over  those  passages  the  burden  of  which, 
was  unhappy,  and  whose  memory  is  still  jKiinful.  I  must  now, 
therefore,  claim  the  "  benefit  of  this  act,"  and  beg  of  the  reader  to 
let  me  pass  from  this  sad  portion  of  my  history,  and  for  the  full 
expression  of  my  mingled  rage,  contempt,  disappointment  and 
sorrow,  let  me  beg  of  him  to  receive  instead  what  a  learned  pope 
once  gave  as  his  apology  for  not  reading  a  rather  polysyllabic  word 
in  a  Latin  letter — "  As  for  this,"  said  he,  looking  at  the  phrase  in 
question,  "  suppose  it  said."     So  say  I.     And  now,  en  route. 


CHAPTER    XI. 


CHELTENHAM — MATRIMONIAL     ADVENTURE — SHOWING     HOW    TO 
MAKE   LOVE   FOR   A   FRIEND. 

IT  was  a  cold  raw  evening  in  February,  as  I  sat  in  the  coffee- 
room  of  the  "  Old  Plough,"  in  Cheltenham,  Lucullus  c.  Lucullo, 
no  companion  save  my  half-finished  decanter  of  port.  I  had 
drawn  my  chair  to  the  corner  of  the  ample  fireplace,  and  in  a  half- 
dreamy  state  was  reviewing  the  incidents  of  my  early  life,  and  like 
most  men  who,  however  young,  have  still  to  lament  talents  misap- 
plied, opportunities  neglected,  profitless  labor,  and  disastrous  idle- 
ness. The  dreary  aspect  of  the  large  and  ill-lighted  room— the 
close-curtained  boxes— the  unsocial  look  of  every  thing  and  body 
about,  suited  the  habit  of  my  soul,  and  I  was  on  the  verge  of  becom- 
ing excessively  sentimental ;  the  unbroken  silence,  where  several 
people  were  present,  had  also  its  effect  upon  me,  and  I  felt  oppressed 
and  dejected.  So  sat  I  for  an  hour;  the  clock  over  the  mantel 
ticked  sharply  on — the  old  man  in  the  brown  surtout  had  turned  in 
his  chair,  and  now  snored  louder — the  gentleman  who  read  the 
JHweshad  got  the  Chronicle,  and  I  thouglit  I  saw  him  nodding  over 
the  advertisements.    The  father  who,  with  a  raw  son  of  about  nine- 


96  HARRY  L ORREQ VER. 

teen,  had  dined  at  six,  sat  still  and  motionless  opposite  bis  offspring, 
and  only  broke  tlie  silence  around  by  the  grating  of  the  decanter 
as  he  posted  it  across  the  table.  The  only  thing  denoting  active 
existence  was  a  little,  shrivelled  man,  who,  with  spectacles  on  his 
forehead  and  hotel  slippers  on  his  feet,  rapidly  walked  up  and  down, 
occasionally  stopping  at  his  table  to  sip  a  little  weak-looking  negus, 
which  was  his  moderate  potation  for  two  hours.  I  have  been  par- 
ticular in  chronicling  these  few  and  apparently  trivial  circum- 
stances, for  by  what  mere  trifles  are  our  greatest  and  most  import- 
ant movements  induced !     Had  the  near  wheeler  of  the  Umpire  been 

only  safe  on  his  forelegs  and but  let  me  continue.     The  gloom 

and  melancholy  which  beset  me  momentarily  increased.  But  three 
months  before,  and  my  prospects  presented  everything  that  was 
fairest  and  brightest — now,  all  the  future  was  dark  and  dismal. 
Then,  my  best  friends  could  scarcely  avoid  envy  at  my  fortune — ■ 
now,  my  reverses  might  almost  excite  compassion  even  in  an  enemy. 
It  was  singular  enough — and  I  should  not  like  to  acknowledge  it, 
were  not  these  "  Confessions  "  in  their  very  nature  intended  to  dis- 
close the  very  penetralia  of  my  heart — but  singular  it  certainly  was, 
and  so  I  have  always  felt  it  since,  when  reflecting  on  it — that 
although  much  and  warmly  attached  to  Lady  Jane  Callonby,  and 
feeling  most  acutely  what  I  must  call  her  abandonment  of  me,  yet 
the  most  constantly-recurring  idea  of  my  mind  on  the  subject  was, 
what  will  the  mess  say? — what  will  they  think  at  head-quarters? — 
the  raillery,  the  jesting,  the  half-concealed  allusions,  the  tone  of 
assumed  compassion,  which  all  awaited  me,  as  each  of  my  comrades 
took  up  his  line  of  behavior  towards  me,  was,  after  all,  the  most 
difficult  thing  to  be  borne,  and  I  absolutely  dreaded  to  join  my  regi- 
ment more  thoroughly  than  did  ever  schoolboy  to  return  to  his 
labor  on  the  expiration  of  his  holidays.  I  had  framed  to  myself  all 
manner  of  ways  of  avoiding  this  dread  event ;  sometimes  I  meditated 
an  exchange  into  an  African  corps — sometimes  to  leave  the  army 
altogether.  However  I  turned  the  affair  over  in  my  mind,  innumer- 
able difficulties  presented  themselves ;  and  I  was  at  last  reduced  to 
that  stand-still  point  in  which,  after  continual  vacillation,  one  only 
waits  for  the  slightest  impulse  of  persuasion  from  another,  to  adopt 
any,  no  matter  what,  suggestion.  In  this  enviable  frame  of  mind  I 
sat  sipping  my  wine,  and  watching  the  clock  for  that  hour  at  which, 
with  a  safe  conscience,  I  might  retire  to  my  bed,  when  the  waiter 
roused  me  by  demanding  if  my  name  was  Mr.  Lorrequer,  for  that  a 
gentleman  having  seen  my  card  in  the  bar,  had  been  making  inquiry 
for  the  owner  of  it  all  through  the  hotel. 

"Yes,"  said  I,  "such  is  my  name;  but  I  am  not  acquainted  with 
any  one  here,  that  I  can  remember." 


CHELTENHAM.  97 

"  The  gentleman  has  only  arrived  an  hour  since  by  the  London 
mail,  sir;  mid  licrc  ho  is." 

At  this  moment,  a  tall,  dashing-looking,  half-swaggering  fellow, 
In  a  very  suflicicnt  envelope  of  box-coats,  entered  the  coffee-room, 
and  unwinding  a  shawl  from  his  throat,  showed  me  the  honest  and 
manly  countenance  of  my  friend  Jack  Waller,  of  the  — th  dragoons, 
with  whom  I  had  served  in  the  Peninsula. 

Five  minutes  sufficed  for  Jack  to  tell  me  that  he  was  come  down 
on  a  bold  speculation  at  this  unseasonable  time  for  Cheltenham ; 
ihat  he  was  quite  sure  his  fortune  was  about  to  be  made  in  a  few 
weeks  at  furthest;  and  what  seemed  nearly  as  engrossing  a 
topic — that  he  was  perfectly  famished,  and  desired  a  hot  supper, 
de  suite. 

Jack  having  despatched  this  agreeable  meal  with  a  traveller's 
appetite,  proceeded  to  unfold  his  plan  to  me  as  follows : 

There  resided  somewhere  near  Cheltenham,  in  what  direction  he 
did  not  absolutely  know,  an  old  East  India  colonel,  who  had 
returned  from  a  long  career  of  successful  staff'  duties  and  govern- 
ment contracts,  with  the  moderate  fortune  of  two  hundred  thousand. 
He  possessed,  in  addition,  a  son  and  a  daughter ;  the  former  being 
a  rake  and  a  gambler,  he  had  long  since  consigned  to  his  own 
devices,  and  to  the  latter  he  had  avowed  his  intention  of  leaving  all 
his  wealth.  That  she  was  beautiful  as  an  angel — highly  accom- 
plished— gifted — agreeable — and  all  that.  Jack,  who  had  never 
seen  her,  was  firmly  convinced  ;  that  she  was  also  bent  on  marrying 
him,  or  any  other  gentleman  whose  claims  were  principally  the 
want  of  money,  he  was  quite  ready  to  swear  to ;  and,  in  fact,  so 
assured  did  he  feel  that  "  the  whole  affair  was  feasible"  (I  use  his 
own  expression),  that  he  had  managed  a  two  mouths'  leave,  and 
was  come  down  express,  to  see,  make  love  to,  and  carry  her  off"  at 
once. 

"  But,"  said  I,  with  difficulty  interrupting  him,  "  how  long  have 
you  known  her  father?" 

"Known  him?    I  never  saw  him." 

"Well,  that  certainly  is  cool.  And  how  do  you  propose  making 
his  acquaintance?  Do  you  intend  to  make  him  a  particeps  cnmini& 
in  the  elopement  of  his  own  daughter,  for  a  consideration  to  be 
hereafter  paid  out  of  his  own  money  ?" 

"  Now,  Harry,  you've  touched  upon  the  point  in  which,  you  must 
confess,  my  genius  always  stood  unrivalled.  Acknowledge,  if  you 
are  not  dead  to  gratitude — acknowledge  how  often  should  you  have 
gone  supperless  to  bed  in  our  bivouacs  in  the  Peninsula,  had  it  not 
been  for  the  ingenuity  of  your  humble  servant — avow  that,  if 
mutton  was  to  be  had,  and  beef  to  be  purloined  within  a  circuit  of 
7 


98  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

twenty  miles  round,  our  mess  certainly  kept  no  fast-days.  I  need 
not  remind  you  of  the  cold  morning  on  the  retreat  from  Burgos, 
when  the  inexorable  Lake  brought  five  men  to  the  halberds  for 
stealing  turkeys,  that  at  the  same  moment  I  was  engaged  in  devis- 
iu"-  an  ox-tail  soup  from  a  heifer  brought  to  our  tent  in  jack- 
boots the  evening  before,  so  as  to  escape  detection  by  her  foot 
tracks." 

"  True,  Jack,  I  never  questioned  your  Spartan  talent ;  but  this 
affair,  time  considered,  does  appear  rather  difficult." 

"  And  if  it  were  not,  should  I  have  ever  engaged  in  it?  No,  no, 
Harry.  I  put  all  proper  value  upon  the  pretty  girl,  with  her  two 
hundred  thousand  pounds  pin-money.  But  I  honestly  own  to  you, 
the  intrigue,  the  scheme,  has  as  great  charm  for  me  as  any  part  of 
the  transaction." 

"  Well,  Jack,  now  for  the  plan,  then  !" 

"  The  plan !  oh,  the  plan  I  Why,  I  have  several ;  but  since  I 
have  seen  you  and  talked  the  matter  over  with  you,  I  have  begun  to 
think  of  another  mode  of  opening  the  trenches." 

"  Why,  I  don't  see  how  I  can  possibly  have  admitted  a  single  new 
ray  of  light  upon  the  affair." 

"  There  you  are  quite  wrong.  Just  hear  me  out  without  interrup- 
tion, and  I'll  explain.  I'll  first  discover  the  locale  of  this  worthy 
colonel ! — '  Hydrabad  Cottage,'  he  calls  it ;  good,  eh  ? — then  I  shall 
proceed  to  make  a  tour  of  the  immediate  vicinity,  and  either  be 
taken  dangerously  ill  in  his  grounds,  within  ten  yards  of  the  hall- 
door,  or  be  thrown  from  my  gig  at  the  gate  of  his  avenue  and 
fracture  my  skull ;  I  don't  much  care  which.  Well,  then,  as  I  learn 
the  old  gentleman  is  the  most  kind,  hospitable  fellow  in  the  world, 
he'll  admit  me  at  once;  his  daughter  will  tend  my  sick-couch — 
nurse — read  to  me;  glorious  fun,  Harry!  I'll  make  fierce  love 
to  her.  And  now,  the  only  point  to  be  decided  is  whether,  having 
partaken  of  the  Colonel's  hospitality  so  freely,  I  ought  to  carry  her 
off,  or  marry  her  with  papa's  consent.  You  see  there  is  much  to  be 
said  for  either  line  of  proceeding." 

"  I  certainly  agree  with  you  there ;  but  since  you  seem  to  see  your 
way  so  clearly  up  to  that  point,  why,  I  should  advise  you  leaving 
that  an  '  open  question,'  as  the  ministers  say  when  they  are  hard 
pressed  for  an  opinion." 

"  Well,  Harry,  I  consent ;  it  shall  remain  so.  Now  for  your  part, 
for  I  have  now  come  to  that." 

"  Mine  /"  said  I,  in  amazement ;  "  why,  how  can  I  possibly  have 
any  character  assigned  me  in  the  drama?" 

"  I'll  tell  you,  Harry  ;  you  shall  come  with  me  in  the  gig  in  the 
capacity  of  my  valet." 


CHELTENHAM.  99 

"Your  what?"  said  I,  horror-struck  at  his  impudence. 

"  Come,  no  nonsense,  Harry  ;  you'll  have  a  glorious  time  of  it — 
shall  choose  as  becoming  a  livery  as  you  like — and  you'll  have  the 
whole  female  world  below  stairs  dying  for  you ;  and  all  I  ask  for 
such  an  opportunity  vouchsafed  to  you  is  to  puff  me,  your  master,  in 
every  possible  shape  and  form,  and  represent  me  as  the  finest  and 
most  liberal  fellow  in  the  world,  rolling  in  wealth,  and  only  striving 
to  get  rid  of  it." 

The  unparalleled  effrontery  of  Master  Jack,  in  assigning  to  me 
such  an  office,  absolutely  left  me  unable  to  reply  to  him ;  while  he 
continued  to  expatiate  upon  the  great  field  for  exertion  thus  open  to 
us  both.  At  last  it  occurred  to  me  to  benefit  by  an  anecdote  of  a 
somewhat  similar  arrangement  of  capturing,  not  a  young  lady,  but 
a  fortified  town,  by  retorting  Jack's  proposition. 

"  Come,"  said  I,  "  I  agree,  with  one  only  difference — I'll  be  the 
master  and  you  the  man  on  this  occasion." 

To  my  utter  confusion,  and  without  a  second's  consideration, 
Waller  grasped  my  hand,  and  cried,  "  Done  1"  Of  course  I  laughed 
heartily  at  the  utter  absurdity  of  the  whole  scheme,  and  rallied  my 
friend  on  his  prospects  of  Botany  Bay  for  such  an  exploit,  never 
contemplating  in  the  most  remote  degree  the  commission  of  such 
extravagance. 

Upon  this.  Jack,  to  use  the  expressive  French  phrase,  prit  la 
parole,  touching,  with  a  master-like  delicacy,  on  my  late  defeat 
among  the  Callonbys  (which  up  to  this  instant  I  believed  him  in 
ignorance  of),  he  expatiated  upon  the  prospect  of  my  repairing  that 
misfortune,  and  obtaining  a  fortune  considerably  larger ;  he  cau- 
tiously abstained  from  mentioning  the  personal  charms  of  the 
young  lady,  supposing,  from  my  lachrymose  look,  that  my  heart 
had  not  yet  recovered  the  shock  of  Lady  Jane's  perfidy,  and  rather 
preferred  to  dwell  upon  the  escape  such  a  marriage  would  open  to 
me  from  the  mockery  of  the  mess-table,  the  jesting  of  my  brother 
oflScers,  and  the  life-long  raillery  of  the  service,  wherever  the  story 
reached. 

The  fatal  facility  of  my  disposition,  so  often  and  so  frankly  chron- 
icled in  these  "  Confessions"— the  openness  to  be  led  whither  any 
one  might  take  the  trouble  to  conduct  me — the  easy  indifference  to 
assume  any  character  which  might  be  impressed  upon  me,  by 
chance,  accident,  or  design,  assisted  by  my  share  of  three  flasks  of 
champagne,  induced  me  first  to  listen— then  to  attend  to — soon 
after  to  suggest — and  finally,  absolutely  to  concur  in  and  agree  to  a 
proposal  which  at  any  other  moment  I  must  have  regarded  as 
downright  insanity.  As  the  clock  struck  two,  I  had  just  affixed  my 
name  to  an  agreement ;  for  Jack  "Waller  had  so  much  of  method  ia 


100  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

his  madness,  that,  fearful  of  my  retracting  in  the  morning,  he  had 
committed  the  wliole  to  writing,  which,  as  a  specimen  of  Jack's 
legal  talents,  I  copy  from  the  original  document,  now  in  my  pos- 
session. 

" '  The  Plough,'  Cheltenham,  Tuesday  night  or  morning,  two 
o'clock — be  the  same  more  or  less.  I,  Harry  Lorrequer,  sub.  in  his 
Majesty's  — th  Eegiment  of  Foot,  on  the  one  part,  and  I,  John 
Waller,  commonly  called  Jack  Waller,  of  the  — th  Light  Dragoons, 
on  the  other,  hereby  promise  and  agree,  each  for  himself,  and  not 
one  for  the  other,  to  the  following  conditions,  which  are  hereafter 
subjoined,  to  wit,  the  aforesaid  Jack  Waller  is  to  serve,  obey,  and 
humbly  follow  the  aforementioned  Harry  Lorrequer  for  the  space 
of  one  month  of  four  weeks ;  conducting  himself  in  all  respects, 
modes,  ways,  manners,  as  his  (the  aforesaid  Lorrequer's)  own  man, 
skip,  valet,  or  flunkey — duly  praising,  puffing,  and  lauding  the 
aforesaid  Lorrequer,  and  in  every  way  facilitating  his  success  to  the 
hand  and  fortune  of " 

"Shall  we  put  in  her  name,  Harry,  here?"  said  Jack. 

"  I  think  not;  we'll  fill  it  up  in  pencil;  that  looks  very  knowing." 

" at  the  end  of  which  period,  if  successful  in  his  suit,  the 

aforesaid  Harry  Lorrequer  is  to  render  to  the  aforesaid  Waller  the 
sum  of  ten  thousand  pounds  three  and  a  half  per  cent,  with  a  faith- 
ful discharge  in  writing  for  his  services,  as  may  be.  If,  on  the  other 
hand, — which    Heaven    forbid  I — the  aforesaid    Lorrequer  fail  in 

obtaining  the  hand  of  ,  that  he  will  evacuate  the  territory 

within  twelve  hours,  and  repairing  to  a  convenient  spot  selected  by 
the  aforesaid  Waller,  then  and  there  duly  invest  himself  with  a 
livery  chosen  by  the  aforesaid  Waller " 

"  You  know,  each  man  uses  his  choice  in  this  particular,"  said 
Jack. 

" and,   for  the  space   of  four   calendar  weeks,  be  unto  the 

aforesaid  Waller  as  his  skip,  or  valet,  receiving,  in  the  event  of 
success,  the  like  compensation  as  aforesaid,  each  promising  strictly 
to  maintain  the  terms  of  this  agreement,  and  binding,  by  a  solemn 
pledge,  to  divest  himself  of  every  right  appertaining  to  his  former 
condition,  for  the  space  of  time  there  mentioned." 

We  signed  and  sealed  it  formally,  and  finished  another  flask  to  its 
perfect  ratification.  This  done,  and  after  a  hearty  shake  hands,  we 
parted  and  retired  for  the  night. 

The  first  thing  I  saw  on  waking  the  following  morning  was  Jack 
Waller  standing  beside  my  bed,  evidently  in  excellent  spirits  with 
himself  and  all  the  world. 

"  Hurry,  my  boy,  I  liave  done  it  gloriously,"  said  he.  "  I  only 
remembered  on  parting  with  you  last  night  that  one  of  the  most 


CIIEL  TEN  HA  M.  101 

marked  features  in  our  old  Colonel's  character  is  a  certain  vague 
idea  he  has  somewhere  picked  up  that  he  has  been  at  some  very 
remote  period  of  his  history  a  most  distinguished  officer.  This 
notion,  it  appears,  haunts  his  mind,  and  he  absolutely  b'cli'ives  he 
has  been  in  every  engagement  from  the  Seven  Yeara'  Wrtr  d'own  to 
the  battle  of  Waterloo.  You  cannot  mention  a  eiegc  he  did  not 
lay  down  the  first  parallel  for,  nor  ?.  stormir'g- party 'AV'hi2i"e  h'i  did 
not  lead  the  forlorn  hope ;  and  there  is  not  a  regiment  in  the  ser- 
vice, from  those  that  formed  the  fighting  brigade  of  Picton  down  to 
the  London  train-bands,  with  which,  to  use  his  own  phrase,  he  has 
not  fought  and  bled.  This  mania  of  heroism  is  droll  enough,  when 
one  considers  that  the  sphere  of  his  action  was  necessarily  so 
limited ;  but  yet  we  have  every  reason  to  be  thankful  for  the  pecu- 
liarity, as  you'll  say,  when  I  inform  you  that  this  morning  I  des- 
patched a  hasty  messenger  to  his  villa,  with  a  most  polite  note, 
setting  forth  that  '  as  Mr.  Lorrequer' — ay,  Harry,  all  aboveboard 
— there  is  nothing  like  it — '  as  Mr.  Lorrequer,  of  the  — th,  was 
collecting  for  publication  such  materials  as  might  serve  to  com- 
memorate the  distinguished  achievements  of  British  oflicers,  who 
have  at  any  time  been  in  command,  he  most  respectfully  requests 
an  interview  witli  Colonel  Ivamworth,  whose  distinguished  services 
on  many  gallant  occasions  have  called  forth  the  unqualified  ap- 
proval of  his  Majesty's  government.  Mr.  Lorrequer's  stay  is 
necessarily  limited  to  a  few  days,  as  he  proceeds  from  this  to  visit 
Lord  Anglesey,  and,  therefore,  he  would  humbly  suggest  as  early  a 
meeting  as  may  suit  Colonel  K.'s  convenience.'  What  think  you 
now  ?     Is  this  a  master-stroke,  or  not  ?" 

"  Why,  certainly,  we  are  in  for  it  now,"  said  I,  drawing  a  deep 
sigh,     "  But,  Jack,  what  is  all  this?  Why  you're  in  livery  already  !" 

I  now,  for  the  first  time,  perceived  that  Waller  was  arrayed 
in  a  very  decorous  suit  of  dark  gray,  with  cord  shorts  and  boots, 
and  looked  a  very  knowing  style  of  servant  for  the  side  of  a 
tilbury. 

"  You  like  it,  do  you?  Well,  I  should  have  preferred  sometliing 
a  little  more  showy  myself;  but  as  you  chose  this  last  night,  I  of 
course  gave  way  ;  and,  after  all,  I  believe  you're  right — it  certainly 
is  neat." 

"  Did  I  choose  it  last  night  ?  I  have  not  the  slightest  recollection 
of  it." 

"  Yes;  you  were  most  particular  about  the  length  of  the  waistcoat 
and  the  height  of  the  cockade,  and  you  see  I  have  followed  your 
orders  tolerably  close ;  and  now,  adieu  to  sweet  equality  for  the 
season,  and  I  am  your  most  obedient  servant  for  four  weeks — see 
that  you  make  the  most  of  it." 


102  EARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

"While  we  were  talking,  the  waiter  entered  with  a  note  addressed 
to  me,  which  I  rightly  conjectured  could  only  come  from  Colonel 
Kamworth.    It  ran  thus : — 

"Colonel  Kanav.ortli  feels  highly  flattered  by  the  polite  attention 
of  Mr,  Lorrequer,  and  will  esteem  it  a  particular  favor  if  Mr.  L.  can 
aQ<>rd  Ijim  -the  few-  days  Mis  stay  in  this  part  of  the  country  will 
permit,  by  spending  them  at  Hydrabad  Cottage.  Any  information 
as  to  Colonel  Kamworth's  services  in  the  four  quarters  of  the  globe, 
he  need  not  say,  is  entirely  at  Mr.  L.'s  disposal. 

"  Colonel  K.  dines  at  six  precisely." 

When  Waller  had  read  the  note  through,  he  tossed  his  hat  up 
in  the  air,  and,  with  something  little  short  of  an  Indian  whoop, 
shouted  out, — 

"  The  game  is  won  already  I  Harry,  my  man,  give  me  the  check 
for  the  ten  thousand :  she  is  your  own  this  minute." 

Without  participating  entirely  in  Waller's  exceeding  delight,  I 
could  not  help  feeling  a  growing  interest  in  the  part  I  was  adver- 
tised to  perform,  and  began  my  rehearsal  with  more  spirit  than  I 
thought  I  should  be  able  to  command. 

The  same  evening,  at  the  same  hour  as  that  in  which  on  the  pre- 
ceding night  I  sat  lone  and  comfortless  by  the  coffee-room  fire,  I 
was  seated  opposite  a  very  pompous,  respectable-looking  old  man, 
with  a  large,  stiff"  queue  of  white  hair,  who  pressed  me  repeatedly  to 
fill  my  glass  and  pass  the  decanter.  The  room  was  a  small  library, 
with  handsomely-fitted  shelves ;  there  were  but  four  chairs,  but  each 
would  have  made  at  least  three  of  any  modern  one ;  the  curtains,  of 
deep  crimson  cloth,  effectually  secured  the  room  from  draught,  and 
the  cheerful  wood  fire  blazing  on  the  hearth,  which  was  the  only 
light  in  the  apartment,  gave  a  most  inviting  look  of  comfort  and 
snugness  to  everything.  "  This,"  thought  I,  "  is  all  excellent,  and 
however  the  adventure  ends,  this  is  certainly  pleasant,  and  I  never 
tasted  better  Madeira." 

"  And  so,  Mr.  Lorrequer,  you  heard  of  my  affair  at  Cantantrabad, 
when  I  took  the  Rajah  prisoner?" 

"  Yes,"  said  I ;  "  the  Governor-General  mentioned  the  gallant 
business  the  very  last  time  I  dined  at  Government  House." 

"  Ah,  did  he?  kind  of  him,  though.  Well,  sir,  I  received  two 
lacs  of  rupees  on  the  morning  after,  and  a  promise  of  ten  more  if  I 
would  permit  him  to  escape ;  but  no — I  refused  flatly." 

"Is  it  possible  I  And  what  did  you  do  with  the  two  lacs? — sent 
them  back,  of  course " 

"  No,  that  I  didn't ;  the  wretches  know  nothing  of  the  use  of 


CHELTENHAM.  103 

money.  No,  no ;  I  have  them  this  moment  in  good  Government 
security.  I  believe  I  never  mentioned  to  you  the  storming  of  Java. 
Fill  yourself  another  glass,  and  I'll  describe  it  all  to  you,  for  it  will 
be  of  infinite  consequence  that  a  true  narrative  of  this  meets  the 
public  eye — they  really  are  quite  ignorant  of  it.  Here,  now,  is  Fort 
Cornelius,  and  there  is  the  moat;  the  sugar-basin  is  the  citadel,  and 
the  tongs  is  the  first  trench ;  the  decanter  will  represent  the  tall 
tower  towards  the  southwest  angle,  and  here,  the  wine-glass — this  is 
me.  Well,  it  was  a  little  after  ten  at  night  that  I  got  the  order 
from  the  general  in  command  to  march  upon  this  plate  of  figs,  which 
was  an  open  space  before  Fort  Cornelius,  and  to  take  up  my  posi- 
tion in  front  of  the  fort,  and  with  four  pieces  of  field  artillery — these 
walnuts  here — to  be  ready  to  open  my  fire  at  a  moment's  warning 
upon  the  sou'west  tower;  but,  my  dear  sir,  you  have  moved  the 
tower  ;  I  thought  you  were  drinking  Madeira,  As  I  said  before,  to 
open  my  fire  upon  the  sou'west  tower,  or,  if  necessary,  to  protect 
the  sugar-tongs,  which  I  explained  to  you  was  the  trench.  Just  at 
the  same  time,  the  besieged  were  making  preparations  for  a  sortie 
to  occupy  this  dish  of  almonds  and  raisins — the  high  ground  to  the 
left  of  my  position — put  another  log  on  the  fire,  if  you  please,  sir, 
for  I  cannot  see  myself— I  thought  I  was  up  near  the  figs,  and  I  find 
myself  down  near  the  half-moon " 

"  It  is  past  nine,"  said  a  servant,  entering  the  room ;  "  shall  I 
take  the  carriage  for  Miss  Kamworth,  sir?" 

This  being  the  first  time  the  name  of  the  young  lady  was  men- 
tioned since  my  arrival,  I  felt  somewhat  anxious  to  hear  more  of 
her,  in  which  laudable  desire  I  was  not,  however,  to  be  gratified,  for 
the  Colonel,  feeling  considerably  annoyed  by  the  interruption,  dis- 
missed the  servant,  by  saying, — 

"  What  do  you  mean,  sirrah,  by  coming  in  at  this  moment?  Don't 
you  see  I  am  preparing  for  the  attack  on  the  half-moon  ?  Mr.  Lor- 
requer,  I  beg  your  pardon  for  one  moment ;  this  fellow  has  com- 
pletely put  me  out;  and  besides,  I  perceive  you  have  eaten  the 
flying  artillery,  and,  in  fact,  my  dear  sir,  I  shall  be  obliged  to  lay 
down  the  position  again." 

With  this  praiseworthy  interest  the  colonel  proceeded  to  arrange 
the  maUriel  of  our  dessert  in  battle  array,  when  the  door  was  sud- 
denly thrown  open,  and  a  very  handsome  girl,  in  a  most  becoming 
dcmi-toilette,  sprang  into  the  room,  and  either  not  noticing,  or  not 
caring,  that  a  stranger  was  present,  threw  herself  into  the  old  gen- 
tleman's arms,  with  a  degree  of  empressement  exceedingly  vexatious 
for  any  third  and  unoccupied  party  to  witness. 

"  Mary,  my  dear,"  said  the  Colonel,  completely  forgetting  Java 
Bad  Fort  Cornelius  at  once,  "  you  don't  perceive  I  have  a  gentleman 


104  EARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

to  introduce  to  you — Mr.  Lorrequer,  my  daughter,  Miss  Kamworth." 
Here  the  young  lady  curtseyed  somewhat  stiffly,  and  I  bowed  rever- 
ently; and  we  all  resumed  places.  I  now  found  out  that  Misa 
Kamworth  had  been  spending  the  preceding  four  or  five  days  at  a 
friend's  in  the  neighborhood,  and  had  preferred  coming  home  some- 
what unexpectedly  to  waiting  for  her  own  carriage. 

My  "  Confessions,"  if  recorded  verbatim  from  the  notes  of  that 
four  weeks'  sojourn,  would  only  increase  the  already  too  prolix  and 
uninteresting  details  of  this  chapter  of  my  life;  I  need  only  say, 
that  without  falling  in  love  with  Mary  Kamworth,  I  felt  prodigiously 
disposed  thereto.  She  was  extremely  pretty,  had  a  foot  and  ankl« 
to  swear  by,  the  most  silvery-toned  voice  I  almost  ever  heard,  and  a 
certain  witchery  and  archness  of  manner  that,  by  its  very  tantalizing 
uncertainty,  continually  provoked  attention,  and  by  suggesting  a 
difficulty  in  the  road  to  success,  imparted  a  more  than  common 
zest  in  the  pursuit.  She  was  a  little — a  very  little — blue,  rather  a 
dabbler  in  the  "  ologies"  than  a  real  disciple.  Yet  she  made  col- 
lections of  minerals  and  brown  beetles,  and  cryptogamias,  and 
various  other  homoeopathic  doses  of  the  creation,  infinitesimally 
small  in  their  subdivision,  in  none  of  which  I  felt  any  interest,  save 
in  the  excuse  they  gave  for  accompanying  her  in  her  pony-phaeton. 
This  was,  however,  a  rare  pleasure,  since  every  morning  for  at  least 
three  or  four  hours  I  was  obliged  to  sit  opposite  the  Colonel,  engaged 
in  the  compilation  of  that  narrative  of  his  deeds  which  was  to 
eclipse  the  career  of  Napoleon,  and  leave  Wellington's  laurels  but 
a  very  faded  lustre  in  comparison.  In  this  agreeable  occupation 
did  I  pass  the  greater  part  of  my  day,  listening  to  the  insufferable 
prolixity  of  the  most  prolix  of  colonels,  and  at  times,  notwith- 
standing the  propinquity  of  relationship  which  awaited  us,  almost 
regretting  that  he  was  not  blown  up  in  any  of  the  numerous  explo- 
sions his  memoir  abounded  with.  I  may  here  mention,  that  while 
my  literary  labor  was  thus  progressing,  the  young  lady  continued 
her  avocations  as  before — not,  indeed,  with  me  for  her  companion, 
but  Waller— for  Colonel  Kamworth,  "  having  remarked  the  steadi- 
ness and  propriety  of  wj?/  man,  felt  no  scruple  in  sending  him  out 
to  drive  Miss  Kamworth,"  particularly  as  I  gave  him  a  most  excel- 
lent character  for  every  virtue  under  heaven. 

I  must  hasten  on.  The  last  evening  of  my  four  weeks  was  draw- 
ing to  a  close.  Colonel  Kamworth  had  pressed  me  to  prolong  my 
visit,  and  I  only  waited  for  Waller's  return  from  Cheltenham, 
whither  I  had  sent  him  for  my  letters,  to  make  arrangements  with 
him  to  absolve  me  from  my  ridiculous  bond,  and  accept  the  invi- 
tation. We  were  sitting  round  the  library  fire,  the  Colonel,  as  usual^ 
narrating  his  early  deeds  and  hair-breadth  'scjipes ;  Mary,  embroider- 


en  EL  TENIIA  M.  105 

ing  an  indescribable  something,  which  every  evening  made  its 
ai)pearance,  but  seemed  never  to  advance,  was  rather  in  better  spirits 
than  usual,  at  the  same  time  her  manner  was  nervous  and  uncer- 
tain ;  and  I  could  perceive,  by  her  frequent  absence  of  mind,  that 
her  thoughts  were  not  as  much  occupied  by  the  siege  of  Java  as  her 
worthy  father  believed  them.  Without  laying  any  stress  upon  the 
circumstance,  I  must  yet  avow  that  Waller's  not  having  returned 
from  Cheltenham  gave  me  some  uneasiness,  and  I  more  than  once 
had  recourse  to  the  bell  to  demand  if  "  my  servant  had  come  back 
yet?"  At  each  of  these  times  well  I  remember  the  peculiar  expression 
of  Mary's  look,  the  half  embarrassment,  half  drollery,  with  which 
she  listened  to  the  question,  and  heard  the  answer  in  the  negative. 
Supper  at  length  made  its  appearance ;  and  I  asked  the  servant  who 
waited  "if  my  man  had  brought  me  any  letters,"  varj'ing  my  inquiry 
to  conceal  my  anxiety ;  and  again  I  heard  he  had  not  returned. 
Resolving  now  to  propose  in  all  form  for  Miss  Kamworth  the 
next  morning,  and  by  referring  the  Colonel  to  my  uncle  Sir  Guy, 
smooth,  as  far  as  I  could,  all  difficulties,  I  wished  them  good-night, 
and  retired ;  not,  however,  before  the  Colonel  warned  me  that  they 
were  to  have  an  excursion  to  some  place  in  the  neighborhood  the 
next  day,  and  begging  that  I  might  be  at  the  breakfast-room  at  nine, 
as  they  were  to  assemble  there  from  all  parts,  and  start  early  on  the 
expedition.  I  was  in  a  sound  sleep  the  following  morning,  when  a 
gentle  tap  at  the  door  awoke  me  ;  and  at  the  same  time  I  recognized 
the  voice  of  the  Colonel's  servant,  saying  "  Mr.  Lorrequer,  breakfast 
is  waiting,  sir." 

I  sprang  up  at  once,  and  replying,  "Very  well,  I  shall  come 
down,"  proceeded  to  dress  in  all  haste,  but  to  my  horror  I  could  not 
discern  a  vestige  of  my  clothes ;  nothing  remained  of  the  habili- 
ments I  possessed  only  the  day  before — even  my  portmanteau  had 
disappeared.  After  a  most  diligent  search,  I  discovered  on  a  chair 
in  a  corner  of  the  room  a  small  bundle  tied  up  in  a  handkerchief, 
on  opening  which  I  perceived  a  new  suit  of  livery  of  the  most  gaudy 
and  showy  description ;  the  vest  and  breeches  of  yellow  plush,  with 
light  blue  binding  and  lace,  of  which  color  was  also  the  coat,  which 
had  a  standing  collar  and  huge  cuffs,  deeply  ornamented  with 
worked  button-holes  and  large  buttons.  As  I  turned  the  things 
over,  without  even  a  guess  of  what  they  could  mean — for  I  was 
scarcely  well  awake — I  perceived  a  small  slip  of  paper  fastened  to 
the  coat-sleeve,  upon  which,  in  Waller's  handwriting,  the  following 
few  words  were  written : — 

"The  livery  I  hope  will  fit  you,  as  I  am  rather  particular  about 
how  you'll  look.    Get  quietly  down  to  the  stable-yard,  and  drive 


106  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

the  tilbury  into  Cheltenham,  where  wait  for  further  orders  from 
your  kind  master, 

"  John  Waller." 

The  horrible  villainy  of  this  wild  scamp  actually  paralyzed  me. 
That  I  should  put  on  such  ridiculous  trumpery  was  out  of  the  ques- 
tion ;  yet  what  was  to  be  done  ?  I  rang  the  bell  violently.  "  Where 
are  my  clothes,  Thomas  ?" 

"  Don't  know,  sir ;  I  was  out  all  the  morning,  sir,  and  never  seed 
them." 

"  There,  Thomas,  be  smart  now,  and  send  them  up,  will  you  ?" 
Thomas  disappeared,  and  speedily  returned  to  say,  "  that  my 
clothes  could  not  be  found  anywhere;  no  one  knew  anything  of 
them,  and  begged  me  to  come  down,  as  Miss  Kamworth  desired  him 
to  say  that  they  were  still  waiting,  and  she  begged  Mr.  Lorrequer 
would  not  make  an  elaborate  toilette,  as  they  were  going  on  a 
country  excursion."  An  elaborate  toilette!  I  wish  to  Heaven  she 
saw  my  costume ;  no,  I'll  never  do  it.  "  Thomas,  you  must  tell  the 
ladies,  and  the  Colonel  too,  that  I  feel  very  ill ;  I  am  not  able  to 
leave  my  bed  ;  I  am  subject  to  attacks — very  violent  attacks  in  my 
head,  and  must  always  be  left  quiet  and  alone — perfectly  alone — 
mind  me,  Thomas — for  a  day,  at  least."  Thomas  departed  ;  and  as 
I  lay  distracted  in  my  bed,  I  heard  from  the  breakfast-room  the 
loud  laughter  of  many  persons,  evidently  enjoying  some  excellent 
joke.  Could  it  be  me  they  were  laughing  at  ?  The  thought  was 
horrible  1 

"Colonel  Kamworth  wishes  to  know  if  you'd  like  the  doctor,  sir," 
said  Thomas,  evidently  suppressing  a  most  inveterate  fit  of  laughing, 
as  he  again  appeared  at  the  door. 

"  No,  certainly  not,"  said  I,  in  a  voice  of  thunder.  "  What  the 
devil  are  you  grinning  at?" 

"You  may  as  well  come,  my  man;  you're  found  out;  they  all 
know  it  now,"  said  the  fellow,  with  an  odious  grin. 

I  jumped  out  of  the  bed,  and  hurled  the  boot-jack  at  him  with  all 
my  strength ;  but  had  only  the  satisfaction  to  hear  him  go  down 
stairs  chuckling  at  his  esca])e ;  and  as  he  reached  the  parlor,  the  in- 
crease of  mirth  and  the  loudness  of  the  laughter  told  me  that  he  was 
not  the  only  one  who  was  merry  at  my  expense.  Anything  was 
preferable  to  this.  Down  stairs  I  resolved  to  go  at  once — but  how  ? 
A  blanket,  I  thought,  would  not  be  a  bad  thing,  and  particularly  as 
I  had  said  I  was  ill ;  I  could  at  least  get  as  far  as  Colonel  Kam- 
■worth's  dressing-room,  and  explain  to  him  the  whole  affair;  but 
then,  if  I  was  detected  en  route  I  which  T  was  almost  sure  to  be,  with 
so  many  people  parading  about  the  house.     No,  that  would  never 


CHELTENHAM.  107 

do;  there  was  but  one  alternative,  and  dreadful,  shocking  as  it  was, 
I  could  not  avoid  it,  and  with  a  luavy  heart,  and  as  much  indigna- 
tion at  Waller  fur  what  1  could  nut  but  consider  a  most  scurvy- 
trick  I  donned  the  yellow  inexpressibles ;  next  came  the  vest,  and 
last  the  coat  with  its  broad  flaps  and  lace  excrescences,  fifty  times 
more  absurd  and  merry-audrew  than  any  stage  servant  who  makes 
off  with  his  table  and  two  chairs  amid  the  hisses  and  jibes  of  the 

upper  gallery. 

If  my  costume  leaned  towards  the  ridiculous,  I  resolved  that  my 
air  and  bearing  should  be  more  than  usually  austere  and  haughty  ; 
and  with  something  of  the  stride  of  John  Kemble  in  Coriolanus,  1 
was  leaving  my  bedroom,  when  I  accidentally  caught  a  view  of  my- 
self in  the  glass;  and  so  mortified,  so  shocked  was  I,  that  I  sank 
into  a  chair,  and  almost  abandoned  my  resolution  to  go  on  ;  the  very 
gesture  I  had  assumed  for  my  vindication  only  increased  the  ridi- 
cule of  my  appearance :  and  the  strange  quaintness  of  the  costume 
totally  obliterated  every  trace  of  any  characteristic  of  the  wearer,  so 
infernally  cunning  was  its  contrivance.  I  don't  think  that  the  most 
saturnine  martyr  of  gout  and  dyspepsia  could  survey  me  without 
laughing.  With  a  bold  effort  I  flung  open  my  door,  hurried  down 
the  stairs,  and  reached  the  hall.  The  first  person  I  met  was  a  kind 
of  pantry-boy,  a  beast  only  lately  emancipated  from  the  plough,  and 
destined,  after  a  dozen  years'  training  as  a  servant,  again  to  be 
turned  back  to  his  old  employ  for  incapacity  ;  he  grinned  horribly 
for  a  minute  as  I  passed,  and  then,  in  a  half-whisper,  said, — 

"Maester,  1  advise  ye  run  for  it,  they're  a-waiting  for  ye  with  the 
constables  in  the  justice's  room."  I  gave  him  a  look  of  contemptu- 
ous superiority,  at  which  he  grinned  the  more,  and  passed  on. 

Without  stopping  to  consider  where  I  was  going,  I  opened  the 
door  of  the  breakfast-parlor,  and  found  myself  at  one  plunge  in  a 
room  full  of  people.  My  first  impulse  was  to  retreat  again  ;  but  so 
shocked  was  I  at  the  very  first  thing  that  met  my  sight,  that  I  was 
perfectly  powerless  to  do  anything.  Among  a  considerable  number 
of  people  who  stood  in  small  groups  round  the  breakfast-table,  I 
discerned  Jack  Waller  habited  in  a  very  accurate  black  frock  and 
dark  trousers,  supporting  upon  his  arm — shall  T  confess — no  less  a 
person  than  Mary  Kamworth,  who  leaned  on  him  with  tlic  famili- 
arity of  an  old  acquaintance,  and  chatted  gayly  with  him.  The 
buzz  of  conversation  which  filled  the  apartment  when  I  entered 
ceased  for  a  second  of  deep  silence ;  and  then  followed  a  peal  of 
laughter  so  long  and  so  vociferous,  that  in  my  momentarj'  anger  I 
prayed  that  some  one  might  burst  a  blood-vessel,  and  frighten  the 
?est.  I  put  on  a  look  of  indescribable  indignation,  and  cast  a  glance 
of  what  I  intended  should  be  most  withering  scorn  on  the  assembly ; 


108  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

but,  alas !  my  infernal  harlequin  costume  ruined  the  effect ;  and 
confound  me,  if  they  did  not  laugh  the  louder.  I  turned  from  one 
to  the  other  with  the  air  of  a  man  who  marks  out  victims  for  his 
future  wrath,  but  with  no  better  success ;  at  last,  amid  the  continued 
mirth  of  the  party,  I  made  my  way  towards  where  Waller  stood  ab- 
solutely suffocated  with  laughter,  and  scarcely  able  to  stand  without 
support. 

"  Waller,"  said  I,  in  a  voice  half  tremulous  with  rage  and  shame 
together—"  Waller,  if  this  rascally  trick  be  yours,  rest  assured  no 
former  term  of  intimacy  between  us  shall " 

Before  I  could  conclude  the  sentence,  a  bustle  at  the  door  of  the 
room  called  every  attention  in  that  direction  ;  I  turned  and  beheld 
Colonel  Kamworth,  followed  by  a  stvong  posse  comitatis  of  constables, 
tipstaffs,  &c.,  armed  to  the  teeth,  and  evidently  prepared  for  vigor- 
ous battle.  Before  I  was  able  to  point  out  my  woes  to  my  kind 
host,  he  burst  out, — 

"  So  you  scoundrel,  you  impostor,  you  infernal  young  villain,  pre- 
tending to  be  a  gentleman,  you  get  admission  into  a  man's  house 
and  dine  at  his  table,  when  your  proper  place  had  been  behind  his 
chair  1  How  far  he  might  have  gone,  Heaven  can  tell,  if  that  ex- 
cellent young  gentleman,  his  master,  had  not  traced  him  here  this 
morning ;  but  you'll  pay  dearly  for  it,  you  young  rascal — that  you 
shall." 

"  Colonel  Kamworth,"  said  I,  drawing  myself  proudly  up  (and,  I 
Confess,  exciting  new  bursts  of  laughter) — "  Colonel  Kamworth,  for 
the  expressions  you  have  just  applied  to  me,  a  heavy  reckoning 
awaits  you ;  not,  however,  before  another  individual  now  present 
shall  atone  for  the  insult  he  has  dared  to  pass  upon  me."  Colonel 
Kamworth's  passion  at  this  declaration  knew  no  bounds  ;  he  cursed 
and  swore  absolutely  like  a  madman,  and  vowed  that  transportation 
for  life  would  be  a  mild  sentence  for  such  an  iniquity. 

Waller  at  length,  wiping  the  tears  of  laughter  from  his  eyes,  in- 
terposed between  the  Colonel  and  his  victim,  and  begged  that  I 
might  be  forgiven;  "For  indeed,  my  dear  sir,"  said  he,  "the  poor 
fellow  is  of  rather  respectable  parentage,  and  such  is  his  taste  for 
good  society,  that  he'd  run  any  risk  to  be  among  his  betters,  although, 
as  in  the  present  case,  the  exposure  brings  a  rather  heavy  retribu- 
tion ; — however,  let  me  deal  with  him.  Come,  Henry,"  said  he, 
with  an  air  of  insufferable  superiority,  "take  my  tilbury  into  town 
and  wait  for  mc  at  the  'George ;'  I  shall  endeavor  to  make  your  peace 
with  my  excellent  friend.  Colonel  Kamworth,  and  the  best  mode 
you  can  contribute  to  that  object  is  to  let  us  have  no  more  of  your 
Bociety." 

I  cannot  attempt  to  picture  my  rage  at  these  words ;   however, 


CHEL  TEN  HA  M.  109 

escape  from  this  diabolical  predicament  was  my  only  present  object, 
and  I  ru.shcd  Iruiu  the  room,  and  springing  into  tlie  tilbury  at  the 
door,  drove  down  the  avenue  at  the  rate  of  fifteen  miles  per  hour, 
amid  the  united  cheers,  groans,  and  yells  of  the  whole  servants'-hall, 
who  seemed  to  enjoy  my  "  detection  "  more  even  than  their  betters. 
Meditating  vengeance,  sharp,  short,  and  decisive,  on  Waller,  the 
Colonel,  and  every  one  else  in  the  infernal  conspiracy  against  me — 
for  I  utterly  forgot  every  vestige  of  our  agreement  in  the  surpri^^e 
by  which  I  was  taken — I  reached  Cheltenham.  Unfortunately,  I 
had  no  friend  there  to  whose  management  I  could  commit  the  bear- 
ing of  a  message,  and  was  obliged,  as  soon  as  I  could  procure  suit- 
able costume,  to  hasten  up  to  Coventry,  where  the  — th  dragoons 
were  then  quartered.  I  lost  no  time  in  selecting  an  adviser,  and 
taking  the  necessary  steps  to  bring  Master  Waller  to  a  reckoning. 
On  the  third  morning  we  again  reached  Cheltenham,  I  thirsting  for 
vengeance,  and  bursting  still  with  anger;  not  so  my  friend,  how- 
ever, who  never  could  discuss  the  aflair  with  common  gravity,  and 
even  ventured  every  now  and  then  on  a  sly  allusion  to  my  yellow 
shorts.  As  we  passed  the  last  toll-bar,  a  travelling  carriage  came 
whirling  by  with  four  horses  at  a  tremendous  pace;  and  as  the 
morning  was  frosty,  and  the  sun  scarcely  risen,  the  whole  team  were 
smoking  and  steaming,  so  as  to  be  half  invisible.  We  both 
remarked  on  the  precipitancy  of  the  party ;  for  as  our  own  pace 
was  considerable,  the  two  vehicles  passed  like  lightning.  We  had 
scarcely  dressed,  and  ordered  breakfast,  when  a  more  than  usual 
bustle  in  the  yard  called  us  to  the  window ;  the  waiter,  who  came 
in  at  the  same  instant,  told  us  that  four  horses  were  ordered  out 
to  pursue  a  young  lady  who  had  eloped  that  morning  with  an 
officer. 

"  Ah,  our  friend  in  the  green  travelling-chariot,  I'll  be  bound," 
said  my  companion ;  but  as  neither  of  us  knew  that  part  of  the 
country,  and  I  was  too  engrossed  by  my  own  thoughts,  I  never 
inquired  further.  As  the  chaise  in  chase  drove  round  to  the  door, 
I  looked  to  see  what  the  pursuer  was  like  ;  and  as  he  issued  from 
the  inn,  recognized  my  ci-dcvant  host.  Colonel  Kamworth,  I  need 
not  say  my  vengeance  was  sated  at  once  ;  he  had  lost  his  daughter, 
and  Waller  was  on  the  road  to  be  married.  i\pologics  and  explan- 
ations came  in  due  time  for  all  my  injuries  and  sufferings;  and  I 
confess  the  part  which  i)leased  me  most  was,  that  I  saw  no  more  of 
Jack  for  a  considerable  period  after.  He  started  for  the  Continent, 
v/here  he  has  lived  ever  since  on  a  small  allowance  granted  by  his 
father-in-law,  and  never  paying  me  the  stipulated  sum,  as  I  had 
clearly  broken  the  compact. 

So  much  for  my  second  attempt  at  matrimony.     One  would  sup- 


110  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

pose  that  such  experience  should  be  deemed  sufficient  to  show  that 
my  talent  did  not  lie  in  that  way.  And  here  I  must  rest  for  the 
present,  with  the  additional  confession,  that  so  strong  was  the 
memory  of  that  vile  adventure,  that  I  refused  a  lucrative  appoint- 
ment under  Lord  Anglesey's  government,  when  I  discovered  that 
his  livery  included  "  yellow  plush  breeches  ;"  to  have  such  souvenirs 
flitting  around  and  about  me,  at  dinner  and  elsewhere,  would  have 
left  me  without  a  pleasure  in  existence. 


CHAPTER   XII. 

DUBLIN — ^TOM   O'FLAHERTY — A  REMINISCENCE  OF  THE 

PENINSULA. 

DEAR,  dirty  Dublin ! — lo  te  saluto — how  many  excellent  things 
might  be  said  of  thee,  if,  unfortunately,  it  did  not  happen 
that  the  theme  is  an  old  one,  and  has  been  much  better  sung 
than  it  can  ever  now  be  said.  With  thus  much  of  apology  for  no 
more  lengthened  panegyric,  let  me  beg  of  my  reader,  if  he  be  con- 
versant with  that  most  moving  melody,  the  Groves  of  Blarney,  to 
hum  the  following  lines,  which  I  heard  shortly  after  my  landing, 
and  which  well  express  my  own  feelings  for  the  "  loved  spot." 

"  Oh !  Dublin,  sure,  there  is  no  doubtin,* 

Beats  every  city  upon  the  say; 
'Tis  there  you'll  see  O'Connell  spoutin,' 

And  Lady  Morgan  making  '  tay.' 
For  'tis  the  capital  of  the  greatest  nation, 

With  finest  peasantry  on  a  fruitful  sod, 
Fighting  like  devils  for  conciliation, 

And  hating  each  other  for  the  love  of  God." 

Once  more,  then,  I  found  myself  in  the  "most  car-drivingest 
city,"  en  route  to  join  on  the  expiration  of  my  leave.  Since  my 
departure,  my  regiment  had  been  ordered  to  Kilkenny,  that  sweet 
city,  so  famed  in  song  for  its  "fire  without  smoke ;"  but  which,  were 
its  character  in  any  way  to  be  derived  from  its  past  or  present  rep- 
resentative, might  certainly  with  more  propriety  reverse  the  epithet, 
and  read  "smoke  without  fire."  My  last  communication  from 
head-quarters  was  full  of  nothing  but  gay  doings.  Balls,  dinners, 
d^jeilncrs,  and  more  than  all,  private  theatricals,  seemed  to  occupy 
the  entire  attention  of  every  man  of  the  gallant  — th.  I  wag 
earnestly  entreated  to  come,  without  waiting  for  the  end  of  my 
leave  ;•  that  several  of  my  old  "  parts  were  kept  open  for  me ;"  and 


DUBLIN.  Ill 

that,  in  fact,  the  "  boys  of  Kilkenny"  were  on  tiptoe  in  expectation 
of  my  arrival,  as  though  his  IMajci^ty's  mail  wore  to  convey  a  Kean 
or  a  Kcmble,  I  shuddered  a  little  a.s  I  read  thi^5,  and  recollected 
"my  last  appearance  on  any  stage,"  little  anticipating,  at  the 
moment,  that  my  next  was  to  be  nearly  as  productive  of  the  ludi- 
crous, as  time  and  my  "  Confessions"  will  show.  One  circumstance, 
however,  gave  me  considerable  pleasure.  It  was  this  :  I  took  it  for 
granted  that,  in  the  varied  and  agreeable  occupations  which  so 
pleasurable  a  career  opened,  my  adventures  in  love  would  escape 
notice,  and  that  I  should  avoid  the  merciless  raillery  my  two  fail- 
ures, in  six  months,  might  reasonably  be  supposed  to  call  forth.  I 
therefore  wrote  a  hurried  note  to  Curzon,  setting  forth  the  great 
interest  all  their  proceedings  had  for  me,  and  assuring  him  that  my 
stay  in  town  should  be  as  short  as  possible,  for  that  I  longed  once 
more  to  "  strut  the  monarch  of  the  boards,"  and  concluded  with  a 
sly  paragraph,  artfully  intended  to  act  as  a  paratonnierre  to  the  gibes 
and  jests  which  I  dreaded,  by  endeavoring  to  make  light  of  my 
matrimonial  speculations.  The  postscript  ran  somewhat  thus : — 
"  Glorious  fun  have  I  had  since  we  met ;  and  were  it  not  that  my 
good  angel  stood  by  me,  I  should  write  these  hurried  lines  with  a 
wife  at  my  elbow  ;  but  luck,  that  never  yet  deserted,  is  still  faithful 
to  your  old  friend,  II.  Lokeequer." 

My  reader  may  suppose — for  he  is  sufficiently  behind  the  scenes 
with  me — with  what  feelings  I  penned  these  words;  yet  anything 
was  better  than  the  attack  I  looked  forward  to  ;  and  I  should  rather 
have  changed  into  the  Cape  Rifle  Corps,  or  any  other  army  of 
martyrs,  than  meet  my  mess  with  all  the  ridicule  my  late  proceed- 
ings exposed  me  to.  Having  disburdened  my  conscience  of  this 
dread,  I  finished  my  breakfast,  and  set  out  on  a  stroll  through  the  town. 

I  believe  it  is  Coleridge  who  somewhere  says,  that  to  transmit  the 
first  bright  and  early  impressions  of  our  youth  fresh  and  uninjured 
to  a  remote  period  of  life,  constitutes  one  of  the  loftiest  preroga- 
tives of  genius.  If  this  be  true — and  I  am  not  disposed  to  dispute 
it — what  a  gifted  people  must  be  the  worthy  inhabitants  of  Dublin ; 
for  I  scruple  not  to  affirm,  that  of  all  cities  of  which  we  have  any 
record  in  history,  sacred  or  profone,  there  is  not  one  so  little  likely 
to  disturb  the  tranquil  current  of  such  reminiscences.  "As  it  was 
of  old,  so  it  is  now,"  enjoying  a  delightful  permanency  in  all  its 
habits  and  customs  which  no  changes  elsewhere  disturb  or  affect ; 
and  in  this  respect  I  defy  O'Connell  and  all  the  tail  to  refuse  it  the 
epithet  of  "Conservative." 

Had  the  excellent  Rip  Van  Winkle,  instead  of  seeking  his  repose 
upon  the  cold  and  barren  acclivities  of  the  Kaatskills — as  we  are 
veritably  informed  by  Irving — but  betaken  himself  to  a  comfortable 


112  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

bed  at  Morrisson's  or  the  Bilton,  not  only  would  he  have  enjoyed  a 
more  agreeable  siesta,  but,  what  the  event  showed  of  more  con- 
sequence, the  pleasing  satisfaction  of  not  being  disconcerted  by 
novelty  on  his  awakening.  It  is  possible  that  the  waiter  who  brought 
him  the  water  to  shave — for  Kip's  beard,  we  are  told,  had  grown 
uncommonly  long — might  exhibit  a  little  of  that  wear  and  tear  to 
which  humanity  is  liable  from  time  ;  but  had  he  questioned  him  as 
to  the  ruling  topics — the  popular  amusements  of  the  day — he  would 
have  heard,  as  he  might  have  done  twenty  years  before,  that  there 
was  a  meeting  to  convert  Jews  at  the  Eotunda;  another  to  rob 
parsons  at  the  Corn  Exchange ;  that  the  Viceroy  was  dining  with 
the  Corporation,  and  congratulated  them  on  the  prosperity  of 
Ireland,  while  the  inhabitants  were  regaled  with  a  procession  of  the 
"  broad  ribbon  weavers,"  who  had  not  weaved.  Heaven  knows  when  I 
This,  with  an  occasional  letter  from  Mr.  O'Connell,  and  now  and 
then  a  duel  in  the  "  Phaynix,"  constituted  the  current  pastimes  of 
the  city.  Such  at  least  were  they  in  my  day ;  and,  though  far  from 
the  dear  locale,  an  odd  flitting  glance  at  the  newspapers  induces  me 
to  believe  that  matters  are  not  much  changed  since. 

I  rambled  through  the  streets  for  some  hours,  revolving  such 
thoughts  as  pressed  upon  me  involuntarily  by  all  I  saw.  The  same 
little  gray  homunculus  that  filled  my  "  Prince's  mixture"  years 
before,  stood  behind  the  counter  at  Lundy  Foot's,  weighing  out 
rappee  and  high  toast,  just  as  I  last  saw  him.  The  fat  college 
porter,  that  I  used  to  mistake  in  my  schoolboy  days  for  the  Provost — 
God  forgive  me! — was  there  as  fat  and  as  ruddy  as  heretofore,  and 
wore  his  Roman  costume  of  helmet  and  plush  breeches  with  an 
air  as  classic.  The  state  trumpeter  at  the  castle,  another  object  of 
my  youthful  veneration,  poor  "  old  God  save  the  King,"  as  we  used 
to  call  him,  walked  the  streets  as  of  old,  his  cheeks,  indeed,  a  little 
more  lanky  and  tendinous ;  but  there  had  been  many  viceregal 
changes,  and  the  "  one  sole  melody  his  heart  delighted  in"  had  been 
more  frequently  called  into  requisition,  as  he  marched  in  solemn 
state  with  the  other  antique  gentlemen  in  tabards.  As  I  walked 
along,  each  moment  some  familiar  and  early  association  being  sug- 
gested by  the  objects  around,  I  felt  my  arm  suddenly  seized,  I 
turned  hastily  round,  and  beheld  a  very  old  companion  in  many  a 
hard-fought  field  and  merry  bivouac,  Tom  O'Flaherty,  of  the  8th. 
Poor  Tom  was  sadly  changed  since  we  last  met,  which  was  at  a  ball 
in  Madrid.  He  was  then  one  of  the  best-looking  fellows  of  his  stamp 
I  ever  met,  tall  and  athletic,  with  the  easy  bearing  of  a  man  of  the 
world,  and  a  certain  jauntiness  that  I  have  never  seen  but  in  Irish- 
men who  have  mixed  much  in  society. 

There  was  also  a  certain  peculiar  devil-may-care  recklessness 


DUBLIN.  113 

about  tho  fiolf-satisfiod  swagger  of  hia  gait,  and  the  froe-and-easy 
glance  of  his  sliarp  blaclc  eye,  united  with  a  tenii)er  that  nolliing 
could  ruffle,  and  a  courage  nothing  could  daunt.  With  such  quali- 
ties as  these,  he  had  been  the  prime  favorite  of  his  mess,  to  which 
he  never  came  without  some  droll  story  to  relate,  or  some  choice 
expedient  for  future  amusement.  Such  had  Tom  once  been ;  now 
he  was  much  altered,  and  though  the  quiet  twinkle  of  his  dark  eye 
showed  that  the  spirit  of  fun  within  was  not  "  dead,  but  only  sleep- 
ing," to  myself,  who  knew  something  of  his  history,  it  seemed  almost 
cruel  to  awaken  him  to  anything  which  might  bring  him  back  to  the 
memory  of  bygone  days.  A  momentary  glance  showed  me  that  he 
was  no  longer  what  he  had  been,  and  that  the  unfortunate  change  in 
his  condition,  the  loss  of  all  his  earliest  and  oldest  associates,  and 
his  blighted  prospects,  had  nearly  broken  a  heart  that  never  deserted 
a  friend  nor  quailed  before  an  enemy.  Poor  O'Flaherty  was  no 
longer  the  delight  of  the  circle  he  once  adorned  ;  the  wit  that  "set 
the  table  in  a  roar"  was  all  but  departed.  He  had  been  dismissed 
the  service  I    The  story  is  a  brief  one  : 

In  the  retreat  from  Burgos,  the  8th  Light  Dragoons,  after  a 
fatiguing  day's  march,  halted  at  the  wretched  village  of  Cabenas. 
It  had  been  deserted  by  the  inhabitants  the  day  before,  who,  on 
leaving,  had  set  it  on  fire,  and  the  blackened  walls  and  fallen  roof- 
trees  were  nearly  all  that  now  remained  to  show  where  the  little 
hamlet  had  once  stood. 

Amid  a  downpour  of  rain,  that  had  fallen  for  several  hours, 
drenched  to  the  skin,  cold,  weary,  and  nearly  starving,  the  gallant 
8th  reached  this  melancholy  spot  at  nightfall,  with  little  better 
prospect  of  protection  from  the  storm  than  the  barren  heath  through 
which  their  road  led  might  afford  them.  Among  the  many  who 
muttered  curses,  not  loud  but  deep,  on  the  wretched  termination  to 
their  day's  suffering,  there  was  one  who  kept  up  his  usual  good 
spirits,  and  not  only  seemed  himself  nearly  regardless  of  the  priva- 
tions and  miseries  about  him,  but  actually  succeeded  in  making  the 
others  who  rode  alongside  as  perfectly  forgetful  of  their  annoyances 
and  troubles  as  was  possible  under  such  circumstances.  Good 
stories,  joking  allusions  to  the  more  discontented  ones  of  the  l)arty, 
ridiculous  plans  for  the  night's  encampment,  followed  each  other  so 
rapidly  that  the  weariness  of  the  way  was  forgotten ;  and  while  some 
were  cursing  their  hard  fate  that  ever  betrayed  them  into  such  mis- 
fortunes, the  little  group  round  O'Flaherty  were  almost  convulsed 
with  laughter  at  the  wit  and  drollery  of  one  over  whom,  if  the  cir- 
cumstances had  any  influence,  they  seemed  only  to  heighten  his 
passion  for  amusement.  In  the  early  part  of  the  morning  he  had 
captured  a  turkey,  which  hung  gracefully  from  his  holster  on  one 
8 


114  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

side,  while  a  small  goat-skin  of  Valencia  wine  balanced  it  on  the 
other.  These  good  things  were  destined  to  form  a  feast  that  even- 
ing, to  which  he  had  invited  four  others — that  being,  according  to 
his  most  liberal  calculation,  the  greatest  number  to  whom  he  could 
afford  a  reasonable  supply  of  wine. 

When  the  halt  was  made,  it  took  some  time  to  arrange  the  dispo- 
sitions for  the  night,  and  it  was  nearly  midnight  before  all  the  regi- 
ment had  got  their  billets  and  were  housed,  even  with  such  scanty 
accommodation  as  the  place  afforded.  Tom's  guests  had  not  yet 
arrived,  and  he  himself  was  busily  engaged  in  roasting  the  turkey 
before  a  large  fire,  on  which  stood  a  capacious  vessel  of  spiced 
wine,  when  the  party  appeared.  A  very  cursory  "  reconnaissance" 
through  the  house — one  of  the  only  ones  untouched  in  the  village — 
showed  that  from  the  late  rain  it  would  be  impossible  to  think  of 
sleeping  in  the  lower  story,  which  already  showed  signs  of  being 
flooded ;  they  therefore  proceeded  in  a  body  up  stairs,  and  what  was 
their  delight  to  find  a  most  comfortable  room,  neatly  furnished  with 
chairs  and  a  table,  and,  above  all,  a  large,  old-fashioned  bed,  an 
object  of  such  luxury  as  only  an  old  campaigner  can  duly  appreciate. 
The  curtains  wei"e  closely  tucked  in  all  round,  and,  in  their  fleeting 
and  hurried  glance,  they  felt  no  inclination  to  disturb  them,  and 
rather  proceeded  to  draw  up  the  table  before  the  hearth,  to  which 
they  speedily  removed  the  fire  from  below,  and  ere  many  minutes^ 
with  that  activity  which  a  bivouac  life  invariably  teaches,  their  sup- 
per smoked  before  them,  and  five  happier  fellows  did  not  sit  down 
that  night  within  a  large  circuit  around,  Tom  was  unusually  great; 
stores  of  drollery,  unlocked  before,  poured  from  hira  unceasingly, 
and,  what  with  his  high  spirits  to  excite  them,  and  the  reaction  in- 
evitable after  a  hard  day's  severe  march,  the  party  soon  lost  the 
little  reason  that  usually  sufiiced  to  guide  them,  and  became  as 
pleasantly  tipsy  as  can  well  be  conceived.  However,  all  good 
things  must  have  an  end,  and  so  had  the  wine-skin.  Tom  had 
placed  it  affectionately  under  his  arm  like  a  bagpipe,  and  failed, 
with  even  a  most  energetic  squeeze,  to  extract  a  drop.  There  was 
now  nothing  for  it  but  to  go  to  rest,  and,  indeed,  it  seemed  the  most 
prudent  thing  for  the  party. 

The  bed  became  accordingly  a  subject  of  grave  deliberation,  for 
as  it  could  only  hold  two,  and  the  party  were  five,  there  seemed 
some  difficulty  in  submitting  their  chances  to  lot,  which  all  agreed 
was  the  fairest  way.  While  this  was  under  discussion,  one  of  the 
party  had  approached  the  contested  prize,  and,  drawing  aside  the 
curtains,  proceeded  to  jump  in,  when,  what  wafe  his  astonishment  to 
discover  that  it  was  already  occupied  !  The  exclamation  of  sur])rise 
he  gave  forth  soon  brought  the  others  to  his  side,  and  to  their  horror. 


DUBLIN.  115 

drunk  as  tlioy  were,  they  found  Unit  tlie  body  before  them  was  that 
of  a  dead  nuui,  arrayed  in  all  the  ghastly  pouip  of  a  corpse.  A  little 
nearer  inspection  showed  that  he  had  been  a  priest,  probably  the 
padre  of  the  village ;  on  hia  head  he  liad  a  small  velvet  skull-cap, 
embroidered  with  a  cross,  and  his  body  was  swathed  in  a  vestment 
such  as  priests  usually  wear  at  the  mass;  in  his  hand  he  held  a  large 
wax  taper,  which  appeared  to  have  burnt  only  half  down,  and 
probably  been  extinguished  by  the  current  of  air  on  opening  the 
door.  After  the  first  brief  shock  which  this  sudden  apparition  had 
caused,  the  party  recovered  as  much  of  their  senses  as  the  wine  had 
left  them,  and  proceeded  to  discuss  what  was  to  be  done  under  the 
circumstances  ;  for  not  one  of  them  ever  contemplated  giving  up  the 
bed  to  a  dead  priest,  while  five  living  men  slept  on  the  ground. 
After  much  altercation,  O'Flaherty,  who  had  hitherto  listened  with- 
out speaking,  interrupted  the  contending  parties,  saying,  "  Stop, 
lads,  I  have  it." 

"  Come,"  said  one  of  them,  "  let's  hear  Tom's  proposal." 

"  Oh,"  said  he,  with  difficulty  steadying  himself  while  he  spoke, 
"we'll  put  him  to  bed  with  old  Illdgcway,  the  quartermaster  I" 

The  roar  of  loud  laughter  that  followed  Tom's  device  was  renewed 
again  and  jigain,  till  not  a  man  could  speak  from  absolute  fatigue. 
There  was  not  a  dissentient  voice.  Old  Ridgcway  was  hated  in 
the  corps,  and  a  better  way  of  disposing  of  the  priest,  and  paying 
ofl"  the  quartermaster,  could  not  be  thought  of. 

Very  little  time  sufliced  for  their  preparations ;  and  if  they  had 
been  brought  up  under  a  certain  well-known  duke,  they  could  not 
have  exhibited  a  greater  taste  for  a  "black  job."  The  door  of  the 
room  was  quickly  taken  from  its  hinges,  and  the  priest  placed  upon 
it  at  full  length  ;  a  moment  more  sufficed  to  lift  the  door  upon  their 
shoulders,  and,  preceded  by  Tom,  who  lit  a  candle  in  honor  of  being, 
as  he  said,  "  chief  mourner,"  they  took  their  way  through  the  camp 
towards  llidgeway's  quarters.  When  they  reached  the  hut  where 
their  victim  lay,  Tom  ordered  a  halt,  and  proceeded  stealthily  into 
the  house  to  "reconnoitre."  The  old  quartermaster  he  found 
stretched  on  his  sheepskin  before  a  large  fire,  the  remnants  of  an 
ample  supper  strewed  about  him,  and  two  empty  bottles  standing 
on  the  hearth ;  his  deep  snoring  showed  that  all  was  safe,  and  that 
no  fears  of  his  awakening  need  disturb  them.  His  shako  and  sword 
lay  near  him,  but  his  sabretasche  was  under  his  head.  Tom  care- 
fully withdrew  the  two  former,  and,  hastenin.o^'to  his  friends  with- 
out, proceeded  to  decorate  the  priest  with  them,  expressing,  at  the 
same  time,  considerable  regret  that  he  feared  it  might  wake  Ridgeway 
if  he  were  to  put  the  velvet  .skull-e;\p  on  luiu  for  a  nightcap. 

Noiselessly  and  stealthily  they  now  entered,  and  proceeded  to  put 


116  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

down  their  burden,  which,  after  a  moment's  discussion,  they  agreed 
to  place  between  the  quartermaster  and  the  fire,  of  which  hitherto 
he  had  reaped  ample  benefit.  This  done,  they  quietly  retreated, 
and  hurried  back  to  their  quarters,  unable  to  speak  with  laughter 
at  the  success  of  their  plot,  and  their  anticipation  of  Ridgeway's 
rage  on  awakening  in  the  morning. 

It  was  in  the  dim  twilight  of  a  hazy  morning  that  the  bugler  of 
the  8th  aroused  the  sleeping  soldiers  from  their  miserable  couches ; 
wretched  as  these  were,  they  nevertheless  rose  from  them  reluctantly, 
so  wearied  and  fatigued  had  they  been  by  the  preceding  day's  march. 
Not  one  among  the  number  felt  so  indisposed  to  stir  as  the  worthy 
quartermaster  ;  his  peculiar  avocations  had  demanded  a  more  than 
usual  exertion  on  his  part,  and  in  the  posture  he  had  lain  down  at 
night  he  rested  till  morning,  without  stirring  a  limb.  Twice  the 
reveille  had  rung  through  the  little  encampment,  and  twice  the 
quartermaster  had  essayed  to  open  his  eyes,  but  in  vain  ;  at  last  he 
made  a  tremendous  effort,  and  sat  bolt  upright  on  the  floor,  hoping 
that  the  sudden  effort  might  sufliciently  arouse  him ;  slowly  his  eyes 
opened,  and  the  first  thing  they  beheld  was  the  figure  of  the  dead 
priest,  with  a  light  cavalry  helmet  on  his  head,  seated  before  him. 
Ridgeway,  who  was  a  good  Catholic,  trembled  in  every  joint — it 
might  be  a  ghost,  it  might  be  a  warning,  he  knew  not  what  to 
think ;  he  imagined  the  lips  moved,  and  so  overcome  with  terror 
was  he  at  last,  that  he  absolutely  shouted  like  a  maniac,  and  never 
ceased  till  the  hut  was  filled  with  oflicers  and  men,  who,  hearing  the 
uproar,  ran  to  his  aid.  The  surprise  of  the  poor  quartermaster  at 
the  apparition  was  scarcely  greater  than  that  of  the  beholders.  No 
one  was  able  to  afford  any  explanation  of  the  circumstance,  though 
all  were  assured  that  it  must  have  been  done  in  jest.  The  door 
upon  which  the  priest  had  been  conveyed  afforded  the  clue— they 
had  forgotten  to  restore  it  to  its  place.  Accordingly  the  different 
billets  were  examined,  and  at  last  O'Flaherty  was  discovered  in  a 
most  commodious  bed,  in  a  large  room  without  a  door,  still  fast 
asleep,  and  alone :  how  and  when  he  had  parted  from  his  compan- 
ions he  never  could  precisely  explain,  though  he  has  since  confessed 
it  was  part  of  his  scheme  to  lead  them  astray  in  the  village,  and 
then  retire  to  the  bed,  which  he  had  determined  to  appropriate  to 
his  sole  use. 

Old  Ridgeway's  rage  knew  no  bounds  ;  he  absolutely  foamed  with 
passion,  and  in  proportion  as  he  was  laughed  at  his  choler  rose 
higher.  Had  this  been  the  only  result,  it  had  been  well  for  poor 
Tom,  but  unfortunately  the  affair  got  to  be  rumored  through  the 
country — the  inliabitants  learned  the  indignity  with  which  tho 
padre  had  been  treated ;  they  addressed  a  memorial  to  Lord  Wei- 


DUBLIN.  117 

lington — inquiry  was  immediately  instituted — O'Flaherty  was  tried 
by  court-nuirtial,  and  louiid  guilty;  nothing  short  of  the  heaviest 
punishment  that  could  be  iutlicted  under  the  circumstances  would 
satisfy  the  Spaniards,  and  at  that  precise  period  it  was  part  of  our 
policy  to  conciliate  their  esteem  by  every  means  in  our  power.  The 
Commander-in-chief  resolved  to  make  what  he  called  an  "  example," 
and  poor  O'Flaherty — the  life  and  soul  of  his  regiment — the  darling 
of  his  mess — was  broke,  and  pronounced  incapable  of  ever  serving 
his  Majesty  again.  Such  was  the  event  upon  which  my  poor 
friend's  fortune  in  life  seemed  to  hinge.  He  returned  to  Ireland,  if 
not  entirely  broken-hearted,  so  altered  that  his  best  friends  scarcely 
knew  him — his  "occupation  was  gone;"  the  mess  had  been  his 
home,  his  brother  othcers  were  to  him  in  place  of  relatives,  and  he 
had  lost  all.  His  after-life  was  spent  in  rambling  from  one  water- 
ing-place to  another,  more  with  the  air  of  one  who  seeks  to  consume 
than  enjoy  his  time;  and  with  such  a  change  in  appearance  as  the 
alteration  in  his  fortune  had  ellected,  he  now  stood  before  me,  but 
altogether  so  dillerent  a  man,  that  but  for  the  well-known  tones  of 
a  voice  that  had  often  convulsed  me  with  laughter,  I  should  scarcely 
have  recognized  him. 

"  Lorrequer,  my  old  friend,  I  never  thought  of  seeing  you  here — 
this  is  indeed  a  piece  of  good  luck." 

"  Why,  Tom  ?  You  surely  knew  that  the  4 — th  were  in  Ireland, 
didn't  you?" 

"  To  be  sure.  I  dined  with  them  only  a  few  days  ago,  but  they 
told  me  you  were  off  to  Paris,  to  marry  something  superlatively 
beautiful,  and  most  enormously  rich — the  daughter  of  a  duke,  if  I 
remember  right ;  but  certes,  they  said  your  fortune  was  made,  and  I 
need  not  tell  you  there  was  not  a  man  among  them  better  pleased 
than  I  was  to  hear  it." 

"  Oh  !  they  said  so,  did  they  ?  Droll  dogs — always  quizzing — I 
wonder  you  did  not  perceive  the  hoax — eh — very  good,  was  it  not?" 
This  I  poured  out  in  short  broken  sentences,  blushing  like  scarlet, 
and  fidgeting  like  a  schoolgirl  with  downright  nervousness. 

"A  hoax  I  Devilish  well  done,  too,"  said  Tom,  "for  old  Garden 
believed  the  whole  story,  and  told  me  that  he  had  obtained  a  six 
months'  leave  for  you  to  make  your  coxir,  and,  moreover,  said  that 
he  had  got  a  letter  from  the  nobleman,  Lord —  Confound  his  namel" 

"  Lord  Grey,  is  it  ?"  said  I,  with  a  sly  look  at  Tom. 

"No,  my  dear  friend,"  said  he,  dryly,  "it  was  not  Lord  Grey. 
But  to  continue :  he  had  got  a  letter  from  him,  dated  from  Paris, 
stating  his  surprise  that  you  had  never  joined  them  there,  ac- 
cording to  promise,  and  that  they  knew  your  cousin  Guy,  and  a 
great  deal  of  other  matter  I  can't  remember — so  what  does  all  this 


118  BARRY  LORREQUER. 

mean  ?    Did  you  hoax  the  noble  lord  as  well  as  the  Horse  Guards, 
Harry  ?" 

This  was  indeed  a  piece  of  news  for  me  ;  I  stammered  out  some 
ridiculous  explanation,  and  promised  a  fuller  detail.  Could  it  be 
that  I  had  done  the  Callonbys  injustice,  and  that  they  never 
intended  to  break  off  my  attentions  to  Lady  Jane — that  she  was 
still  faithful,  and  that  of  all  concerned  I  alone  had  been  to  blame  ? 
Oh  1  how  I  hoped  this  might  be  the  case ;  heavily  as  my  conscience 
might  accuse,  I  longed  ardently  to  forgive  and  deal  mercifully  with 
myself.  Tom  continued  to  talk  about  indifferent  matters,  as  these 
thoughts  flitted  through  my  mind  ;  perceiving  at  last  that  I  did  not 
attend,  he  stopped  suddenly  and  said, — 

"  Harry,  I  see  clearly  that  something  has  gone  wrong,  and  per- 
haps I  can  guess  at  the  mode,  too :  but,  however,  you  can  do 
nothing  about  it  now ;  come  and  dine-  with  me  to-day,  and  we'll 
discuss  the  affair  together  after  dinner  ;  or,  if  you  prefer  a  '  distrac- 
tion,' as  we  used  to  say  in  Dunkerque,  why,  then  I'll  arrange  some- 
thing fashionable  for  your  evening's  amusement.  Come,  what  say 
you  to  hearing  Father  Keogh  preach  ?  or  would  you  like  a  supper 
at  the  Carlingford?  or  perhaps  you  prefer  a  soir6e  chez  Miladif — for 
all  of  these  Dublin  affords — all  three  good  in  their  way,  and  very 
intellectual." 

"  Well,  Tom,  I'm  yours ;  but  I  should  prefer  your  dining  with 
me.  I  am  at  Bilton's ;  we'll  have  our  cutlet  quite  alone, 
and " 

"And  be  heartily  sick  of  each  other,  you  were  going  to  add. 
No,  no,  Harry,  you  must  dine  with  me;  I  have  some  remarkably 
nice  people  to  present  you  to — six  is  the  hour — sharp  six — number 
— ,  Molesworth  street,  Mrs.  Clan  frizzle's, — easily  find  it — large  fan- 
light over  the  door — huge  lamp  in  the  hall,  and  a  strong  odor  of 
mutton  broth  for  thirty  yards  on  each  side  of  the  premises— and,  as 
good  luck  will  have  it,  I  see  old  Daly,  the  counsellor,  as  they  call 
him ;  he's  the  very  man  to  get  to  meet  you— you  always  liked  a 
character,  eh  ?" 

Saying  this,  O'Flaherty  disengaged  himself  from  my  arm,  and 
liurried  across  the  street  towards  a  portly,  middle-aged  looking  gen- 
tleman, with  the  reddest  face  I  ever  beheld.  After  a  brief  but  very 
animated  colloquy,  Tom  returned,  and  informed  me  that  all  was 
right ;  he  had  secured  Daly. 

"  And  who  is  Daly?"  said  T,  inquiringly,  for  I  was  rather  inter- 
ested in  hearing  what  peculiar  qualification  as  a  diner-out  the  coun- 
sellor might  lay  claim  to,  many  of  Tom's /mncfe  being  as  remarkable 
for  being  the  quizzed  as  the  quizzers. 

"  Daly,"  said  he,  "  is  the  brother  of  a  most  distinguished  member 


DUJiLIN.  119 

of  the  Irish  h.ir,  of  which  he  himself  is  also  a  follower,  bearing, 
however,  no  other  resemblance  to  the  clever  man  than  the  name, 
for,  as  assuredly  as  the  reputation  of  the  one  is  inseparably  linked 
with  success,  so  unerringly  is  the  other's  coupled  with  failure ;  and, 
strange  to  say,  the  stupid  man  is  fairly  convinced  that  his  brother 
owes  all  his  advancement  to  him,  and  that  to  his  disinterested  kind- 
ness the  other  is  indebted  for  his  i^resent  exalted  station.  Thus  it 
is  through  life ;  there  seems  ever  to  accompany  dullness  a  sustain- 
ing power  of  vanity,  that,  like  a  life-buoy,  keeps  a  mass  afloat  whose 
weight  unassisted  would  sink  into  obscurity.  Do  you  know  that 
my  friend  Denis,  there,  imagines  himself  the  first  man  that  ever 
enlightened  Sir  Robert  Peel  as  to  Irish  affairs ;  and,  upon  my  word, 
his  reputation  on  this  head  stands  incontestably  higher  than  on 
most  others." 

"  You  surely  cannot  mean  that  Sir  Robert  Peel  ever  consulted 
with,  much  less  relied  upon,  the  statements  of  such  a  person  as  you 
describe  your  friend  Denis  to  be  ?" 

"  He  did  both — and  if  he  was  a  little  puzzled  by  the  information, 
the  only  disgrace  attaches  to  a  government  that  sends  men  to  rule 
over  us  unacquainted  with  our  habits  of  thinking,  and  utterly 
ignorant  of  the  language — ay,  I  repeat  it.  But  come,  you  shall 
judge  for  yourself;  the  story  is  a  short  one,  and  fortunately  so,  for 
I  must  hasten  home  to  give  timely  notice  of  your  coming  to  dine 
with  me.  When  Sir  Robert  Peel,  then  Mr.  Peel,  came  over  here,  as 
secretary  to  Ireland,  a  very  distinguished  political  leader  of  the  day 
invited  a  party  to  meet  him  at  dinner,  consisting  of  men  of 
different  political  leanings,  among  whom  were,  as  may  be  supposed, 
many  members  of  the  Irish  bar.  The  elder  Daly  was  too  remark- 
able a  person  to  be  omitted,  but  as  the  two  brothers  resided 
together,  there  was  a  difficulty  about  getting  him ;  however,  he 
must  be  had,  and  the  only  alternative  that  presented  itself  waa 
adopted — both  were  invited.  When  the  party  descended  to  the 
dining-room,  by  one  of  those  unfortunate  accidents  which,  as  the 
proverb  informs  us,  occasionally  take  place  in  the  best-regulated 
establishments,  the  wrong  Mr.  Daly  got  placed  beside  Mr.  Peel, 
which  post  of  honor  had  been  destined  by  the  host  for  the  more 
agreeable  and  talented  brother.  There  was  now  no  help  for  it ; 
and  with  a  heart  somewhat  nervous  for  the  consequences  of  the 
proximity,  the  worthy  entertainer  sat  down  to  do  the  honors  as  best 
he  might ;  he  was  consoled  during  dinner  by  observing  that  the 
devotion  bestowed  by  honest  Denis  on  the  viands  before  him  effec- 
tually absorbed  his  faculties,  and  thereby  threw  the  entire  of  Mr. 
Peel's  conversation  towards  the  gentleman  on  his  other  flank.  This 
happiness  was,  like  most  others,  destined  to  be  a  brief  one.     As  the 


120  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

dessert  made  its  appearance,  Mr.  Peel  began  to  listen  with  some 
attention  to  the  conversation  of  the  persons  opposite,  with  one  of 
whom  he  was  struck  most  forcibly — so  happy  a  power  of  illustration, 
so  vivid  a  fancy,  such  logical  precision  in  argument  as  he  evinced, 
perfectly  charmed  and  surprised  him.  Anxious  to  learn  the  name 
of  so  gifted  an  individual,  he  turned  towards  his  hitherto  silent 
neighbor,  and  demanded  who  he  was. 

" '  Who  is  he,  is  it  ?'  said  Denis,  hesitatingly,  as  if  he  half  doubted 
such  extent  of  ignorance  as  not  to  know  the  person  alluded  to. 

"  Mr.  Peel  bowed  in  acquiescence. 

" '  That's  Bushe !'  said  Denis,  giving  at  the  same  time  the  same 
sound  to  the  vowel  was  it  obtains  when  occurring  in  the  word  'rush.' 

"  '  I  beg  pardon,'  said  Mr.  Peel,  '  I  did  not  hear,' 

"  '  Bushe  I'  replied  Denis,  with  considerable  energy  of  tone. 

"  '  Oh,  yes,  I  know,'  said  the  secretary ;  '  Mr.  Bushe,  a  very  dis- 
tinguished member  of  your  bar,  I  have  heard.' 

" '  Faith,  you  may  say  that !'  said  Denis,  tossing  off  his  wine  at 
what  he  esteemed  a  very  trite  observation. 

" '  Pray,'  said  Mr.  Peel,  again  returning  to  the  charge,  though 
certainly  feeling  not  a  little  surprised  at  the  singular  laconicism  of 
his  informant,  no  less  than  the  mellifluous  tones  of  an  accent  then 
perfectly  new  to  him, — '  pray,  may  I  ask,  what  is  the  peculiar  char- 
acter of  Mr.  Bushe's  eloquence — I  mean,  of  course,  in  his  pro- 
fessional capacity  V 

" '  Eh  I'  said  Denis,  '  I  don't  comprehend  you  exactly.' 

" '  I  mean,'  said  Mr.  Peel,  '  in  one  word,  what's  his  forte  ?' 

"'His  forte  I' 

" '  I  mean  what  his  peculiar  gift  consists  in ' 

" '  Oh,  I  perccave — I  have  ye  now — the  juries  I' 

" '  Ah  I  addressing  a  jury.' 

" '  Ay,  the  juries.' 

"  *  Can  you  oblige  me  by  giving  me  an  idea  of  the  manner  in 
which  he  obtains  such  signal  success  in  this  difficult  branch  of 
eloquence?' 

"  *  I'll  tell  ye,'  said  Denis,  leisurely  finishing  his  glass,  and  smack- 
ing his  lips,  with  an  air  of  a  man  girding  up  his  loins  for  a  mighty 
effort — '  I'll  tell  ye.  Well,  ye  see  the  way  he  has  is  this,' — here  Mr. 
Peel's  expectation  rose  to  the  highest  degree  of  interest, — '  the  way 
he  has  is  this — he  first  butthers  them  up,  and  then  slithers  them  down  I — 
tliat's  all,  devil  a  more  of  a  secret  there's  in  it.'  " 

How  much  reason  Denis  had  to  boast  of  imparting  early  informa- 
tion to  the  new  secretary  I  leave  my  English  readers  to  guess ;  my 
Irish  ones  I  may  trust  to  do  him  ample  justice. 

My  friend  now  left  me  to  my  own  devices  to  while  away  the  hours 


DUBLIN.  121 

till  time  to  dress  for  dinner.  Heaven  help  the  gentleman  so  left  in 
Dublin  !  suy  I.  It  i.s,  perhaps,  the  only  city  of  its  size  in  the  world 
where  there  is  no  lounge — no  promenade.  Very  little  experience  of 
it  will  convince  you  that  it  abounds  in  pretty  women,  and  has  its  fair 
share  of  agreeable  men ;  but  where  are  they  in  the  morning?  I  wish 
Sir  Dick  Lauder,  instead  of  speculating  where  salmon  pass  the 
Christmas  holidays,  would  apply  his  most  inquiring  mind  to  such  a 
question  as  this.  True  it  is,  however,  they  are  not  to  be  found. 
The  squares  are  deserted — the  streets  are  very  nearly  so — and  all 
that  is  left  to  the  luckless  wanderer  in  search  of  the  beautiful  is  to 
ogle  the  beauties  of  Dame  street,  who  are  shopkeepers  in  Grafton 
street,  or  the  beauties  of  Grafton  street,  who  are  shopkeepers  in 
Dame  street.  But,  confound  it,  how  cranky  I  am  getting— I  must 
be  tremendously  hungry.  True,  it's  past  six.  So  now  for  my  suit 
of  sable,  and  then  to  dinner. 


CHAPTER   XIII. 

DUBLIN — ^THE  BOABDING-HOUSE — SELECT  SOCIETY. 

PUNCTUAL  to  my  appointment  with  O'Flaherty,  I  found  my- 
self a  very  few  minutes  after  six  o'clock  at  Mrs.  Clanfrizzle's 
door.  My  very  authoritative  summons  at  the  bell  was  an- 
swered by  the  appearance  of  a  young,  pale-faced  invalid,  in  a  suit 
of  livery,  the  taste  of  which  bore  a  very  unpleasant  resemblance  to 
the  one  I  so  lately  figured  in.  It  was  with  considerable  difficulty  I 
persuaded  this  functionary  to  permit  my  carrying  my  hat  with 
me  to  the  drawing-room,  a  species  of  caution  on  my  part,  as  he 
esteemed  it,  savoring  much  of  distrust.  This  point,  however,  I 
carried,  and  followed  him  up  a  very  ill-lighted  stair  to  the  draw- 
ing-room. Here  I  was  announced  by  some  faint  resemblance  to 
my  real  name,  but  sufficiently  near  to  bring  my  friend  Tom  at 
once  to  meet  me,  who  immediately  congratulated  me  on  my  fortune 
in  coming  off  so  well,  for  that  the  person  who  preceded  me,  Mr. 
Jones  Blennerhasset,  had  been  just  announced  as  Mr.  Blathcr- 
hashit — a  change  the  gentleman  himself  was  not  disposed  to  adopt. 
"  But  come  along,  Harry ;  while  we  are  waiting  for  Daly,  let  me 
make  you  known  to  some  of  our  party.  This,  you  must  know,  is  a 
boarding-house,  and  always  has  some  capital  fun — queerest  people 
you  ever  mot.  I  have  only  one  hint — cut  every  man,  woman,  and 
child  of  them,  if  you  meet  them  hereafter;  I  do  it  myself,  though  I 
have  lived  here  these  six  months."    Pleasant  people,  thought  I, 


122  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  VER. 

these  must  be,  with  whom  such  a  line  is  advisable,  much  less  prac- 
ticable. 

"Mrs.  Clanfrizzle,  my  friend,  Mr.  Lorrequer;  thinks  he'll  stay 
the  summer  in  town.  Mrs.  Clan,  should  like  him  to  be  one  of  us." 
The  latter  was  said  sotto  voce,  and  was  a  practice  he  continued  to 
adopt  in  presenting  me  to  his  several  friends  through  the  room. 

"  Miss  Riley," — a  horrid  old  fright,  in  a  bird-of-paradise  plume 
and  corked  eyebrows,  gibbeted  in  gilt  chains  and  pearl  ornaments, 
and  looking,  as  the  grisettes  say,  superhe  en  chrysolite, — "  Miss  Kiley, 
Captain  Lorrequer,  a  friend  I  have  long  desired  to  present  to  you — 
fifteen  thousand  a  year  and  a  baronetcy, — if  he  has  sixpence," — 
sotto  again.  "  Surgeon  M'Culloch — he  likes  the  title,"  said  Tom,  in 
a  whisper — "  Surgeon,  Captain  Lorrequer.  By  the  by,  lest  I  forget 
it,  he  wishes  to  speak  to  you  in  the  morning  about  his  health  ;  he  is 
stopping  at  Sandymount  for  the  baths  ;  you  could  go  out  there,  eh  ?" 
The  tall  thing  in  green  spectacles  bowed,  and  acknowledged  Tom's 
kindness  by  a  knowing  touch  of  the  elbow.  In  this  way  he  made 
the  tour  of  the  room  for  about  ten  minutes,  during  which  brief  space 
I  was,  according  to  the  kind  arrangements  of  O'Flaherty,  booked  as 
a  resident  in  the  boarding-house — a  lover  to  at  least  five  elderly 
and  three  young  ladies — a  patient — a  client — a  second  in  a  duel  to  a 
clerk  in  the  Post  office — and  had  also  volunteered  (through  him 
always)  to  convey,  by  all  his  Majesty's  mails,  as  many  parcels, 
packets,  bandboxes,  and  bird-cages,  as  would  have  comfortably 
filled  one  of  Pickford's  vans.  All  this  he  told  me  was  requisite  to 
my  being  well  received,  though  no  one  thought  much  of  any  breach 
of  compact  subsequently,  except  Mrs.  Clan  herself.  The  ladies  had, 
alas!  been  often  treated  vilely  before;  the  doctor  had  never  had  a 
patient,  and  as  for  the  belligerent  knight  of  the  Post  oflice,  he'd 
rather  have  died  than  fought  any  day. 

The  last  person  to  whom  my  friend  deemed  it  necessary  to  intro- 
duce me,  was  a  Mr.  Garret  Cudmore,  from  the  Reeks  of  Kei-ry, 
lately  matriculated  to  all  the  honors  of  freshmanship  in  the  Dublin 
University.  This  latter  was  a  low-sized,  dark-browed  man,  with 
round  shoulders,  and  particularly  long  arms,  the  disposal  of  which 
seemed  sadly  to  distress  him.  He  possessed  the  most  perfect  brogue 
I  ever  listened  to  ;  but  it  was  difficult  to  get  him  to  speak,  for,  on 
coming  up  to  town  some  weeks  before,  he  had  been  placed  by  some 
intelligent  friend  at  Mrs.  Clanfrizzle's  establishment,  with  the  ex- 
press direction  to  mark  and  thoroughly  digest  as  much  as  he  could 
of  the  habits  and  customs  of  the  circle  about  him,  which  he  was 
rightly  informed  was  the  very  focus  of  good  breeding  and  haut  ton ; 
but  on  no  account,  unless  driven  thereto  by  the  pressure  of  sickness, 
or  the  wants  of  nature,  to  trust  himself  with  speech,  which,  in  his 


DUDLIN.  123 

thon  uninformotl  state,  he  was  assured  would  inevitably  ruin  him 
among  his  fastidiously-cultivated  associates. 

To  tlic  letter  and  the  spirit  of  the  despatch  he  had  received,  the 
worthy  Garret  acted  rigidly,  and  his  voice  waa  scarcely  ever  known 
to  transgress  the  narrow  limits  prescribed  by  his  friends.  In  more 
respects  than  one  wixs  this  a  good  resolve ;  for  so  completely  had  he 
identified  himself  with  college  habits,  things,  and  phrases,  that 
whenever  he  conversed,  he  became  little  short  of  unintelligible  to 
the  vulgar — a  difficulty  not  lessened  by  his  peculiar  pronunciation. 

My  round  of  presentation  was  just  completed,  when  the  pale 
figure  in  light  blue  livery  announced  Counsellor  Daly  and  dinner, 
for  both  came  fortunately  together.  Taking  the  post  of  honor, 
Miss  Riley's  arm,  I  followed  Tom,  who  I  soon  perceived  ruled  the 
whole  concern,  as  he  led  the  way  with  another  ancient  vestal  in 
black  satin  and  bugles.  The  long  procession  wound  its  snake-like 
length  down  the  narrow  stair,  and  into  the  dining-room,  where  at 
last  we  all  got  seated.  Let  me  here  briefly  vindicate  the  motives  of 
my  friend.  Should  any  unkind  person  be  found  to  impute  to  his 
selection  of  a  residence  any  base  and  grovelling  passion  for  "gour- 
mandisc,"  that  day's  experience  should  be  an  eternal  vindication  of 
him.  The  soup — alas  !  that  I  should  so  far  prostitute  the  word,  for 
the  black  broth  of  Sparta  was  mock-turtle  in  comparison — retired 
to  make  way  for  a  mass  of  beef,  whose  tenderness  I  did  not  question ; 
for  it  sank  beneath  the  knife  of  the  carver  like  a  feather  bed — the 
skill  of  a  Saladin  himself  would  have  failed  to  divide  it.  The  fish 
was  a  most  rebellious  pike,  and  nearly  killed  every  loyal  subject  at 
table ;  and  then  down  the  sides  were  various  dishes  of  chickens 
with  azure  bosoms,  and  hams  with  hides  like  a  rhinoceros  ;  covered 
"  decoys"  of  decomposed  vegetable  matter  called  spinach  and  cab- 
bage; potatoes  arrayed  in  small  masses,  and  browned,  resembling 
those  ingenious  architectural  structures  of  mud  children  raise  in 
the  highways  and  call  dirt-pies.  Such  were  the  chief  constituents 
of  the  "  feed ;"  and  such,  I  am  bound  to  confess,  waxed  beautifully 
less  under  the  vigorous  onslaught  of  the  party. 

The  conversation  soon  became  both  loud  and  general.  That 
happy  familiarity  which  I  had  long  believed  to  be  the  exclusive 
prerogative  of  a  military  mess,  where  constant  daily  association 
sustains  the  interest  of  the  veriest  trifles,  I  here  found  in  a  perfec- 
tion I  had  not  anticipated,  with  this  striking  difference,  that  there 
was  no  absurd  deference  to  any  existing  code  of  etiquette  in  the 
conduct  of  the  party  generally,  each  person  quizzing  his  neighbor 
in  the  most  free-and-easy  style  imaginable,  and  all,  evidently  from 
long  habit  and  conventional  usage,  seeming  to  enjoy  the  practice 
exceedingly.      Thus,    droll    allusions,    good    stories,    and   smart 


124  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

repartee9  fell  thick  as  hail,  and  twice  as  harmless,  which,  anywhere 
else  that  I  had  ever  heard  of,  would  assuredly  have  called  for  more 
explanations,  and  perhaps  gunpowder,  in  the  morning  than  usually 
are  deemed  agreeable.  Here,  however,  they  knew  better ;  and 
though  the  lawyer  quizzed  the  doctor  for  never  having  another 
patient  than  the  house-dog,  all  of  whose  arteries  he  had  tied  in  the 
course  of  the  winter  for  practice,  and  the  doctor  retorted  as  heavily 
by  showing  that  the  lawyer's  practice  had  been  other  than  beneficial 
to  those  for  whom  he  was  concerned,  his  one  client  being  found 
guilty,  mainly  through  his  ingenious  defence  of  him,  yet  they  never 
showed  even  the  slightest  irritation  ;  on  the  contrary,  such  little 
playful  badinage  ever  led  to  some  friendly  passages  of  taking  wine 
together,  or  in  arrangements  for  a  party  to  the  "  Dargle,"  or 
"  Dunleary ;"  and  thus  went  on  the  entire  party,  the  young  ladies 
darting  an  occasional  slight  at  their  elders,  who  certainly  returned 
the  fire  often  with  advantage;  all  uniting  now  and  then,  however, 
in  one  common  cause,  an  attack  of  the  whole  line  on  Mrs.  Clan- 
frizzle  herself,  for  the  beef,  or  the  mutton,  or  the  fish,  or  the  poultry 
— each  of  which  was  sure  to  find  some  sturdy  defamer,  ready  and 
willing  to  give  evidence  in  dispraise.  Yet  even  these — and  I 
thought  them  rather  dangerous  sallies — led  to  no  more  violent 
results  than  dignified  replies  from  the  worthy  hostess  upon  the 
goodness  of  her  fare,  and  the  evident  satisfaction  it  afforded  while 
being  eaten,  if  the  appetites  of  the  party  were  a  test.  While 
this  was  at  its  height,  Tom  stooped  behind  my  chair,  and  whispered 
gently,— 

"  This  is  good — isn't  it,  eh  ? — life  in  a  boarding-house — quite  new 
to  you,  but  they  are  civilized  now  compared  to  what  you  will  find 
them  in  the  drawing-room.  When  short  whist  for  fivepenny  points 
sets  in — then  Greek  meets  Greek,  and  we'll  have  it." 

During  all  this  mel^e  tournament,  I  perceived  that  the  worthy  jib, 
as  he  would  be  called  in  the  parlance  of  Trinity,  Mr.  Cudmore,  re- 
mained perfectly  silent  and  apparently  terrified.  The  noise,  the 
din  of  voices,  and  the  laughing,  so  completely  addled  him,  that  he 
was  like  one  in  a  very  horrid  dream.  The  attention  with  which  I  had 
observed  him  having  been  remarked  by  my  friend  O'Flahcrty,  he 
informed  me  that  the  scholar,  as  he  was  called  there,  w-as  then  under 
a  kind  of  cloud — an  adventure  which  occurred  only  two  nights 
before  being  too  fresh  in  his  memory  to  permit  him  enjoying  himself 
even  to  the  limited  extent  it  had  been  his  wont  to  do.  As  illustra- 
tive, not  only  of  Mr.  Cudmore,  but  the  life  I  have  been  speaking  of, 
I  may  as  well  relate  it. 

Soon  after  Mr.  Cudmore's  enlistment  under  the  banners  of  the 
Clanfrizzle,  he  had  sought  and  found  au  asylum  in  the  drawing- 


DUBLIN.  125 

room  of  the  establishment,  which  promised,  from  its  geographical 
rclution.s,  to  expose  him  less  to  the  molestations  of  conversation 
than  most  other  parts  of  the  room.  This  was  a  small  recess  beside 
the  fireplace,  not  uncommon  in  old-fashioned  houses,  and  which, 
from  its  incapacity  to  hold  more  than  one,  secured  to  the  worthy 
recluse  the  privacy  he  longed  for ;  and  here,  among  superannuated 
hearth-brushes,  an  old  hand-screen,  an  asthmatic  bellows,  and  a 
kettle-holder,  sat  the  timid  youth,  "  alone,  but  in  a  crowd."  Not 
all  the  seductions  of  loo,  limited  to  threepence,  nor  even  that  most 
appropriately-designated  game,  beggar-my-neighbor,  could  withdraw 
him  from  his  blest  retreat.  Like  his  countryman,  St.  Kevin— my 
friend  Petrie  has  ascertained  that  the  saint  was  a  native  of  Tralee — 
he  fled  from  the  temptations  of  the  world  and  the  blandishments  of 
the  fair ;  but,  alas  I  like  the  saint  himself,  the 

poor  "jib"  little  knew 
All  that  wily  sex  cpn  do; 

for  while  he  hugged  himself  in  the  security  of  his  fortress,  the  web 
of  his  destiny  was  weaving.  So  true  is  it,  as  he  himself  used  no 
less  pathetically  than  poetically  to  express  it,  "misfortune  will  find 
you  out,  if  ye  were  hid  in  a  tay-chest." 

It  happened  that  in  Mrs.  Clanfrizzle's  establishment,  the  enfant 
bleu  already  mentioned  was  the  only  individual  of  his  sex  retained ; 
and  without  for  a  moment  disparaging  the  ability  or  attentions  of 
this  gifted  person,  yet  it  may  reasonably  be  credited  that,  in  waiting 
on  a  party  of  twenty-five  or  thirty  persons  at  dinner,  all  of  whom 
he  had  admitted  as  porter  and  announced  as  maitre  d'hotd,  with  the 

subsequent  detail  of  his  duties  in  the  drawing-room,  Peter Blue 

Peter,  his  boarding-house  sobriquet— not  enjoying  the  bird-like 
privilege  of  "being  in  two  places  at  once,"  gave  one  rather  the 
impression  of  a  person  of  hasty  and  fidgety  habits,  for  which 
nervous  tendency  the  treatment  he  underwent  was  certainly  inju- 
dicious, it  being  the  invariable  custom  for  each  guest  to  put  his 
services  in  requisition,  perfectly  irrespective  of  all  other  claims 
upon  him,  from  whatever  quarter  coming ;  and  then  at  the  precise 
moment  that  the  luckless  valet  was  snuffing  the  candles,  he  was 
abused  by  one  for  not  bringing  coal  ;  by  another  for  having  carried 
off"  his  teacup,  sent  on  an  expedition  for  sugar;  by  a  third  for 
having  left  the  door  open,  which  he  had  never  been  near;  and  so  on 
to  the  end  of  the  chapter. 

It  chanced  that  a  few  evenings  previous  to  my  appearance  at  the 
house,  this  indefatigable  Caleb  was  ministering  as  usual  to  the 
various  and  discrepant  wantvS  of  the  large  party  assembled  in  the 
drawing-room.     With  his  wonted  alacrity  he  had  withdrawn  from 


126  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

their  obscure  retreat  against  the  wall  sundry  little  tables,  destined  for 
the  players  at  whist,  or  "  spoil  live" — the  popular  game  of  the  estab- 
lishment. With  a  dexterity  that  savored  much  of  a  stage  education, 
he  had  arranged  the  candles,  the  cards,  the  counters ;  he  had  poked 
the  fire,  settled  the  stool  for  Miss  Riley's  august  feet,  and  was  busily 
engaged  in  changing  five  shillings  into  small  silver  for  a  desperate 
victim  of  loo,  when  Mrs.  Clanfrizzle's  third,  and,  as  it  appeared, 
last  time  of  asking  for  the  kettle  smote  upon  his  ear.  His  loyalty 
would  have  induced  him  at  once  to  desert  everything  on  such  an 
occasion ;  but  the  other  party  engaged  held  him  fast,  saying, 

"  Never  mind  her,  Peter — you  have  sixpence  more  to  give  me." 

Poor  Peter  rummaged  one  pocket,  then  another  —  discovering 
at  last  threepence  in  copper,  and  some  farthings,  with  which  he 
seemed  endeavoring  to  make  a  composition  with  his  creditor  for 
twelve  shillings  in  the  pound ;  when  Mrs.  Clan's  patience  finally 
becoming  exhausted,  she  turned  towards  Mr.  Cudmore,  the  only 
unemployed  person  she  could  perceive,  and  with  her  blandest  smile 
said, — 

"  Mr.  Cudmore,  may  I  take  the  liberty  of  requesting  you  would 
hand  me  the  kettle  beside  you  ?" 

Now,  though  the  kettle  aforesaid  was,  as  the  hostess  very  properly 
observed,  beside  him,  yet  the  fact  that  in  complying  with  the  de- 
mand it  was  necessary  for  the  bashful  youth  to  leave  the  recess  he 
occupied,  and,  with  the  kettle,  to  proceed  to  walk  half  across  the 
room,  there  to  perform  certain  manual  operations  requiring  skill 
and  presence  of  mind  before  a  large  and  crowded  assembly,  was 
horror  to  the  mind  of  the  poor  jib,  and  he  would  nearly  as  soon 
have  acceded  to  a  desire  to  dance  a  hornpipe,  if  such  had  been  sug- 
gested as  the  wish  of  the  company.  However,  there  was  nothing 
for  it,  and  summoning  up  all  his  nerve,  knitting  his  brows,  clench- 
ing his  teeth,  like  one  prepared  to  "do  or  die,"  he  seized  the  hissing 
caldron  and  strode  through  the  room  like  the  personified  genius  of 
steam,  very  much  to  the  alarm  of  all  the  old  ladies  in  the  vicinity, 
whose  tasteful  drapery  benefited  but  little  from  his  progress.  Yet 
he  felt  but  little  of  all  this:  he  had  brought  up  his  courage  to 
the  sticking  place,  and  he  was  absolutely  half  unconscious  of  the 
whole  scene  before  him  ;  nor  was  it  till  some  kind  mediator  had 
seized  his  arm,  while  another  drew  him  back  by  the  skirts  of  the 
coat,  that  he  desisted  from  the  deluge  of  hot  water  with  which, 
having  filled  the  teapot,  lie  proceeded  to  swamp  everytliing  else 
upon  the  tray,  in  his  unfortunate  abstraction.  Mrs.  Clanfrizzle 
screamed — the  old  ladies  accompanied  her — the  young  ones  tittered 
— the  men  laughed — and,  in  a  word,  poor  Cudmore,  perfectly  un- 
conscious of  anything  extraordinary,  felt  himself  the  admired  of  all 


DUBLIN.  127 

fvdmircrs — very  little,  it  is  true,  to  his  own  satisfaction.  After  some 
lew  uiinutos'  exposure  to  these  signs  of  mirth,  he  suecceded  in  de- 
positing the  source  of  his  griefa  within  the  fender,  and  once  more 
retired  to  his  sanctuary,  having  registered  a  vow,  which,  should  I 
Bpeak  it,  would  forfeit  his  every  claim  to  gallantry  forever. 

Whether  in  the  vow  aforesaid  Mr.  Cudmore  had  only  been  en- 
gaged in  that  species  of  tesselation  which  furnishes  the  pavement  so 
celebrated  in  the  lower  regions,  I  know  not;  but  true  it  is,  that  he 
retired  that  night  to  his  chamber  very  much  discomfited  at  his  d^hut 
in  the  great  world,  and  half  disposed  to  believe  that  nature  had 
neither  intended  him  for  a  Brummell  nor  a  D'Orsay.  While  he  was 
ruminating  on  such  matters,  he  was  joined  by  O'Flaherty,  with 
whom  he  had  been  always  more  intimate  than  any  other  inmate  of 
the  house,  Tom's  tact  having  entirely  concealed  what  the  manners 
of  the  others  too  plainly  evinced — a  perfect  appreciation  of  the 
student's  oddity  and  singularity.  After  some  few  observations  in 
general  matters,  O'Flaherty  began  with  a  tone  of  some  seriousness 
to  express  towards  Cudmore  the  warm  interest  he  had  ever  taken  in 
him  since  his  first  coming  among  them ;  his  great  anxiety  for  his 
welfare,  and  his  firm  resolve  that  no  chance  or  casual  inattention  to 
mere  ceremonial  observances  on  his  part  should  ever  be  seized  on 
by  the  other  guests  as  a  ground  for  detraction  or  an  excuse  for  ridi- 
cule of  him. 

"  Rely  upon  it,  my  dear  boy,"  said  he,  "  I  have  watched  over  you 
like  a  parent;  and  having  partly  foreseen  that  something  like  this 
affair  of  to-night  would  take  place  sooner  or  later " 

"  What  affair  ?"  said  Cudmore,  his  eyes  staring  half  out  of  hia 
head. 

"  The  business  of  the  kettle." 

"  Kett— el.     The  kettle !     What  of  that  ?"  said  Cudmore. 

"  What  of  it?  Why,  if  you  don't  feel  it,  I  am  sure  it  is  not  my 
duty  to  remind  you  ;  only " 

"  Feel  it — oh  yes.  I  saw  them  laughing  because  I  spilled  the 
water  over  old  Mrs.  Jones,  or  something  of  that  sort." 

"  No,  no,  my  dear  young  friend,  they  were  not  laughing  at  that — 
their  mirth  had  another  object." 

"  What  the  devil  was  it  at,  then  ?" 

"  You  don't  know,  don't  you  ?" 

"  No  ;  I  really  do  not." 

"  Nor  can't  guess — eh  ?" 

"Confound  me  if  I  can." 

"Well.  I  see,  Mr.  Cudmore,  you  are  really  too  innocent  for  these 
people.  But  come — it  shall  never  be  said  that  youth  and  inexperi- 
ence ever  suflered  from  the  unworthy  ridicule  and  cold  sarcasm  of 


128  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER 

the  base  world  while  Tom  O'Flaherty  stood  by  a  spectator.  Sir," 
said  Tom,  striking  his  hand  with  energy  on  the  table,  and  darting  a 
look  of  fiery  indignation  from  his  eye — "sir,  you  were  this  night 
trepanned — yes,  sir,  vilely,  shamefully  trepanned — I  repeat  the  ex- 
pression— into  the  performance  of  a  menial  office — an  office  so  de- 
grading, so  offensive,  so  unbecoming  the  rank,  the  station,  and  the 
habits  of  gentlemen,  my  very  blood  recoils  when  I  only  think  of 
the  indignity," 

The  expression  of  increasing  wonder  and  surprise  depicted  in  Mr. 
Cudmore's  face  at  these  words,  my  friend  Phiz  might  convey — I 
cannot  venture  to  describe ;  suffice  it  to  say,  that  even  O'Flaherty 
himself  found  it  difficult  to  avoid  a  burst  of  laughter  as  he  looked  at 
him,  and  resumed : — 

"Witnessing,  as  I  did,  the  entire  occurrence;  feeling  deeply  for 
the  inexperience  which  the  heartless  worldlings  had  dared  to  trample 
upon,  I  resolved  to  stand  by  you,  and  here  I  am  come  for  that  pur- 
pose." 

"  Well,  but  what  in  the  devil's  name  have  I  done  all  this  time  ?" 
"Whatl  are  you  still  ignorant? — is  it  possible?    Did  you  not 
hand  the  kettle  from  the  fireplace,  and  fill  the  teapot? — answer  me 
that." 

"  I  did,"  said  Cudmore,  with  a  voice  already  becoming  tremulous, 
"  Is  that  the  duty  of  a  gentleman  ? — answer  me  that." 
A  dead  pause  stood  in  place  of  a  reply,  while  Tom  proceeded, — 
"  Did  you  ever  hear  any  one  ask  me,  or  Counsellor  Daly,  or  Mr. 
Fogarty,  or  any  other  person  to  do  so  ? — answer  me  that." 
"  No,  never,"  muttered  Cudmore,  with  a  sinking  spirit. 
"  Well,  then,  why,  may  I  ask,  were  you  selected  for  that  office, 
that,  by  your  own  confession,  no  one  else  would  stoop  to  perforin  ? 
I'll  tell  you,  because  from  your  youth  and  inexperience,  your  inno- 
cence was  deemed  a  fit  victim  to  the  heartless  sneers  of  a  cold  and 
unfeeling  world."     And  here  Tom  broke  forth  into  a  very  beautiful 
apostrophe,  beginning  "  Oh,  virtue  I" — this  I  am  unfortunately  un- 
able to  present  to  my  readers,  and  must  only  assure  them  that  it 
was  a  very  faithful  imitation  of  the  well-known  one  delivered  by 
Burke  in  the  case  of  Warren  Hastings, — and  concluding  with   an 
exhortation  to  Cudmore  to  wipe  out  the  stain  of  his  wounded  honor, 
by  repelling  with  indignation  the  slightest  future  attempt  at  such 
an  insult. 

Tliis  done,  O'Flaherty  retired,  leaving  Cudmore  to  dig  among 
Greek  roots,  and  chew  over  the  cud  of  his  misfortune.  Punctual  to 
the  time  and  place,  that  same  evening  beheld  the  injured  Cudmore 
resume  his  wonted  corner,  pretty  much  with  the  feeling  with  wliicih 
a  forlorn  hope  stands,  match  in  hand,  to  ignite  the  train  destined 


DUBLIN.  129 

to  explode  with  ruin  to  thousands — himself,  perhaps,  fimong  the 
number.  There  he  sat,  with  a  brain  as  burning  and  a  heart  as  ex- 
cited as  though,  instead  of  sipping  his  bohca  beside  a  sea-coal  fire, 
he  was  at  that  instant  trembling  beneath  the  frown  of  Dr.  Elrington 
for  the  blunders  in  his  Latin  theme, — and  what  terror  to  the  mind 
of  a  "jib"  can  equal  that  one? 

As  luck  would  have  it,  this  was  a  company  night  in  the  boarding- 
house.  Various  young  ladies  in  long  blue  sashes,  and  very  broad 
ribbon  sandals,  paraded  the  rooms,  chatting  gayly  with  very  dis- 
tinguished-looking young  gentlemen,  with  gold  brooches  and  party- 
colored  inside  waistcoats ;  sundry  elderly  ladies  sat  at  card-tables, 
discussing  the  "  lost  honor  by  an  odd  trick  they  played,"  with  heads 
as  large  as  those  of  Jack  or  Jill  in  the  pantomime ;  spruce  clerks  in 
public  offices  (whose  vocation  the  expansive  tendency  of  the  right 
ear,  from  long  pen-carrj'ing,  betokened)  discussed  fashion  "  and  the 
musical  glasses  "  to  some  very  over-dressed  married  ladies,  who  pre- 
ferred flirting  to  five-and-ten.  The  tea-table,  over  which  the  amiable 
hostess  presided,  had  also  its  standing  votaries :  mostly  grave  par- 
liamentary-looking gentlemen,  with  powdered  heads  and  very  long- 
waisted  black  coats,  among  whom  the  Sir  Oracle  was  a  functionary 
of  his  Majesty's  High  Court  of  Chancery,  though,  I  have  reason  to 
believe,  not  Lord  Manners.  Meanwhile,  in  all  parts  of  the  room 
might  be  seen  Blue  Peter,  distributing  tea,  coffee,  and  biscuit,  and 
occasionally  interchanging  a  joke  with  the  dwellers  in  the  house. 
"While  all  these  pleasing  occupations  proceeded,  the  hour  of  Cud- 
more's  trial  was  approaching.  The  teapot,  which  had  stood  the 
attack  of  fourteen  cups  without  flinching,  at  last  began  to  fail,  and 
discovered  to  the  prying  eyes  of  Mrs.  Clanfrizzle  nothing  but  an 
olive-colored  deposit  of  soft  matter,  closely  analogous  in  appearance 
and  chemical  property  to  the  residuary  precipitate  in  a  drained 
fish-pond ;  she  put  down  the  lid  with  a  gentle  sigh,  and  turning 
towards  the  fire,  bestowed  one  of  her  very  blandest  and  most  capti- 
vating looks  on  Mr.  Cudmore,  saying — as  plainly  as  looks  could  say 
— "  Cudmore,  you're  wanting."  "Whether  the  youth  did  or  did  not 
understand,  I  am  unable  to  record  ;  I  can  only  say,  the  appeal  was 
made  without  acknowledgment.  Mrs.  Clanfrizzle  again  essayed, 
and  by  a  little  masonic  movement  of  her  hand  to  the  teapot,  and  a 
sly  glance  at  the  hob,  intimated  her  wish — still  hopelessly ;  at  last, 
there  was  nothing  for  it  but  speaking,  and  she  donned  her  very 
softest  voice  and  most  persuasive  tone,  saying,  "  Mr.  Cudmore,  I  am 
really  very  troublesome ;  will  you  permit  me  to  ask  you " 

"  Is  it  for  the  kettle,  ma'am  ?"  said  Cudmore,  with  a  voice  that 
startled  the  whole  room,  disconcerting  three  whist  parties,  and  so 
absorbing  the  attention  of  the  people  at  loo,  that  the  pool  disap- 


130  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

peared  without  any  one  being  able  to  account  for  the  circumstance 
— "is  it  for  the  kettle,  ma'am?" 

"  If  you  will  be  so  very  kind,"  lisped  the  hostess. 

"Well,  then,  upon  my  conscience,  you  are  impudent,"  said 
Cudmore,  with  his  face  crimsoned  to  the  ears,  and  his  eyes  flashing 
fire, 

"Why,  Mr.  Cudmore,"  began  the  lady — "why,  really,  this  is 
so  strange  1     YVhy,  sir,  what  can  you  mean  ?" 

"  Just  that"  said  the  imperturbable  jib,  who,  now  that  his  courage 
was  up,  dared  everything. 

"  But,  sir,  you  must  surely  have  misunderstood  me.  I  only  asked 
for  the  kettle,  Mr.  Cudmore." 

"  The  devil  a  more,"  said  Cud,  with  a  sneer. 

"  Well,  then,  of  course " 

"Well,  then,  I'll  tell  you,  of  coorse,"  said  he,  repeating  her 
words ;  "  the  sorrow  taste  of  the  kettle  I'll  give  you.     Call  your 

own  skip — Blue  Pether  there — d me  if  I'll  be  your  skip  any 

longer !" 

For  the  uninitiated,  I  have  only  to  add,  that  "ship"  is  the  Trinity 
College  appellation  for  servant,  which  was  therefore  employed  by 
Mr.  Cudmore  on  this  occasion  as  expressing  more  contemptuously 
his  sense  of  the  degradation  of  the  office  attempted  to  be  put  upon 
him.  Having  already  informed  my  reader  on  some  particulars  of 
the  company,  I  leave  him  to  suppose  how  Mr.  Cudmore's  speech 
was  received.  Whist  itself  was  at  an  end  for  that  evening,  and 
nothing  but  laughter,  long,  loud,  and  reiterated,  burst  from  every 
corner  of  the  room  for  hours  after. 

As  I  have  so  far  travelled  out  of  the  record  of  my  own  peculiar 
"  Confessions"  as  to  give  a  leaf  from  what  might  one  day  form  the 
matter  of  Mr.  Cudmore's,  I  must  now  make  the  only  amende  in  my 
power,  by  honestly  narrating,  that  short  as  my  visit  was  to  the 
classic  precincts  of  this  agreeable  establishment,  I  did  not  escape 
without  exciting  my  share  of  ridicule,  though  I  certainly  had  not 
the  worst  of  the  joke,  and  may,  therefore,  with  better  grace  tell  the 
story,  which,  happily  for  my  readers,  is  a  short  one.  A  custom  pre- 
vailed in  Mrs.  Clanfrizzle's  household  which,  from  my  unhappy 
ignorance  of  boarding-houses,  I  am  unable  to  predicate  if  it  belong 
to  the  genera  at  large  or  this  one  specimen  in  particular ;  however, 
it  is  a  sufficiently  curious  fact,  even  though  thereby  hang  no  tale  for 
my  stating  it  here.  The  decanters  on  the  dinner-table  were  never 
labelled  with  their  more  appropriate  designation  of  contents, 
whether  claret,  sherry,  or  port,  but  with  the  names  of  their  respec- 
tive owners,  it  being  a  matter  of  much  less  consequence  that  any 
individual  at  table  should  mix  his  wine  by  pouring  "  port  upon 


DUBLIN.  131 

madeira,"  than  commit  the  truly  legal  offence  of  appropriating  to 
Ills  own  use  and  benefit,  even  by  mistake,  bis  neighbor's  bottle. 
However  well  the  system  may  work  among  the  regular  members  of 
the  "  domestic  circle" — and  I  am  assured  that  it  does  succeed  ex- 
tremely— to  the  newly-arrived  guest,  or  uninitiated  visitor,  the 
affair  is  perplexing,  and  leads  occasionally  to  awkward  results. 

It  so  chanced,  from  my  friend  O'Flaherty's  habitual  position  at 
the  foot  of  the  table,  and  my  post  of  honor  near  the  head,  that  on 
the  first  day  of  my  appearing  there,  the  distance  between  us  not 
only  precluded  close  intercourse,  but  any  of  those  gentle  hints  as  to 
habits  and  customs  a  new  arrival  looks  for  at  the  hands  of  his 
better-informed  friend.  The  only  mode  of  recognition  to  prove 
that  we  belonged  to  each  other  being  by  that  excellent  and  truly 
English  custom  of  drinking  wine  together,  Tom  seized  the  first  idle 
moment  from  his  avocation  as  carver  to  say, — 

"  Lorrequer,  a  glass  of  wine  with  you." 

Having,  of  course,  acceded,  he  again  asked, — 

"  What  wine  do  you  drink?"  intending  thereby,  as  I  afterwards 
learned,  to  send  me  from  his  end  of  the  table  what  wine  I  selected. 
Not  conceiving  the  object  of  the  inquiry,  and  having  hitherto, 
without  hesitation,  helped  myself  from  the  decanter  which  bore 
some  faint  resemblance  to  sherry,  I  immediately  turned  for  correct 
information  to  the  bottle  itself,  upon  whose  slender  neck  was 
ticketed  the  usual  slip  of  paper.  My  endeavors  to  decipher  the 
writing  occupied  time  sufficient  again  to  make  O'Flaherty  ask, — 

"  Well,  Harry,  I'm  waiting  for  you.     W^ill  you  have  claret?" 

"  No,  I  thank  you,"  I  replied,  having  by  this  revealed  the  in- 
scription,— "no,  I  thank  you;  I'll  just  stick  to  my  old  friend  here, 
Bob  M'Grotty ;"  for  thus  I  rendered  familiarly  the  name  of  Rt. 
M'Grotty  on  the  decanter,  and  which  I,  in  my  ignorance,  believed 
to  be  the  boarding-house  sobriquet  for  bad  sherry.  That  Mr. 
M'Grotty  himself  little  relished  my  familiarity  with  either  his  name 
or  property  I  had  a  very  decisive  proof,  for,  turning  round  upon  his 
chair,  and  surveying  my  person  from  head  to  foot,  with  a  look  of 
fiery  wrath,  he  thundered  out  in  very  broad  Scotch, — 

"  And  by  my  saul,  my  freend,  ye  may  just  as  weel  finish  it  noo, 
for  deil  a  glass  o'  his  ain  wine  did  Bob  M'Grotty,  as  ye  ca'  him, 
swallow  this  day." 

The  convulsion  of  laughter  into  which  my  blunder  and  the 
Scotchman's  passion  threw  the  whole  board,  lasted  till  the  cloth 
was  withdrawn,  and  the  ladies  had  retired  to  the  drawing-room,  the 
only  individual  at  table  not  relishing  the  mistake  being  the  injured 
proprietor  of  the  bottle,  who  wa.s  too  proud  to  accept  reparation 
from  my  friend's  decanter,  and  would  scarcely  condescend  to  opeu 


132  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

his  lips  during  the  evening;  notwithstanding  which  display  of 
honest  indignation,  we  contrived  to  become  exceedingly  merry  and 
jocose,  most  of  the  party  communicating  little  episodes  of  their  life, 
in  which,  it  is  true,  they  frequently  figured  in  situations  that  nothing 
but  their  native  and  natural  candor  would  venture  to  avow.  One 
story  I  was  considerably  amused  at ;  it  was  told  by  the  counsellor, 
Mr.  Daly,  in  illustration  of  the  difficulty  of  rising  at  the  bar,  and 
which,  as  showing  his  own  mode  of  obviating  the  delay  that  young 
professional  men  submit  to  from  hard  necessity,  as  well  as  in  evi- 
dence of  his  strictly  legal  turn,  I  shall  certainly  recount  one  of 
these  days  for  the  edification  of  the  junior  bar. 


CHAPTER  XIV. 

THE  CHASE. 

ON  the  morning  after  my  visit  to  the  boarding-house,  I  received 
a  few  hurried  lines  from  Curzon,  informing  me  that  no  time 
was  to  be  lost  in  joining  the  regiment ;  that  a  grand  fancy 
ball  was  about  to  be  given  by  the  officers  of  the  Dwarf  frigate,  then 
stationed  oflTDunmore;  who,  when  inviting  the  4 — th,  specially  put 
in  a  demand  for  my  well-known  services,  to  make  it  go  off,  and  con- 
cluding with  an  extract  from  the  Kilkenvy  Moderator,  which  ran 
thus:  "An  intimation  has  just  reached  us,  from  a  quarter  on  which 
we  can  place  the  fullest  reliance,  that  the  celebrated  amateur  per- 
former, Mr.  Lorrequer,  may  shortly  be  expected  among  us.  From 
the  many  accounts  we  have  received  of  this  highly-gifted  gentle- 
man's powers,  we  anticipate  a  great  treat  to  the  lovers  of  the  drama," 
&c.,  &c.  "So  you  see,  my  dear  Hal,"  continued  Curzon,  "thy 
vocation  calls  thee ;  therefore  come,  and  come  quickly ;  provide 
thyself  with  a  black  satin  costume,  slashed  with  light  blue,  point- 
lace  collar  and  rufiies,  a  Spanish  hat  looped  in  front,  and,  if  pos- 
sible, a  long  rapier  with  a  flat  hilt.  Carden  is  not  here ;  so  you 
may  show  your  face  under  any  color  with  perfect  impunity.  Yours 
from  the  side  scenes, 

"C.  Curzon." 

This  clever  epistle  suflicod  to  show  that  the  gallant  4 — th  had 
gone  clean  theatrical  mad,  and  although  from  my  "  last  appearance 
on  any  stage,"  it  might  be  supposed  I  should  feel  no  peculiar  desire 
to  repeat  the  experiment,  yet  the  opportunity  of  joining  during 
Colonel  Carden's  absence  was  too  tempting  to  resist,  and  I  at  once 


THE  CHASE.  183 

made  up  my  mind  to  set  out,  and  without  a  moment's  delay  hurried 
across  the  street  to  the  coach-oflice,  to  book  myself  an  inside  in  the 
mail  of  that  night.  Fortunately,  no  difliculty  existed  in  my  pro- 
curing the  seat,  for  the  way-bill  was  a  perfect  blank,  and  I  found 
myself  the  only  person  who  had  as  yet  announced  himself  a  pas- 
senger. On  returning  to  my  hotel,  I  found  O'Flaherty  waiting  for 
me.  He  was  greatly  distressed  on  hearing  my  determination  to 
leave  town — explained  how  he  had  been  catering  for  my  amuse- 
ment for  the  week  to  come — that  a  picnic  to  the  Dargle  was 
arranged  in  a  committee  of  the  whole  house,  and  a  boating  party, 
with  a  dinner  at  the  Pigeon  House,  was  then  under  consideration. 
Resisting,  however,  such  extreme  temptations,  I  mentioned  the 
necessity  of  my  at  once  proceeding  to  head-quarters,  and  all  other 
reasons  for  my  precipitancy  failing,  concluded  with  that  really 
knock-down  argument,  "I  have  taken  my  place."  This,  I  need 
scarcely  add,  finished  the  matter ;  at  least  I  have  never  known  it 
fail  in  such  cases.  Tell  your  friends  that  your  wife  is  hourly  ex- 
pecting to  be  confined  ;  your  favorite  child  is  in  the  measles ;  your 
best  friend  waiting  your  aid  in  an  awkward  scrape ;  your  one  vote 
only  wanting  to  turn  the  scale  in  an  election ; — tell  them,  I  say, 
each  or  all  of  these,  or  a  hundred  more  like  them,  and  to  any  one 
you  so  speak,  the  answer  is,  "  Pooh,  pooh,  my  dear  fellow,  never 
fear— don't  fuss  yourself — take  it  easy — to-morrow  will  do  just  as 
well."  If  on  the  other  hand,  however,  you  reject  such  fiimsy 
excuses,  and  simply  say,  "I'm  booked  in  the  mail,"  the  opposition 
at  once  falls  to  the  ground,  and  your  quondam  antagonist,  who  was 
ready  to  quarrel  with  you,  is  at  once  prepared  to  assist  in  packing 
your  portmanteau. 

Having  soon  satisfied  my  friend  Tom  that  resistance  was  in  vain, 
I  promised  to  eat  an  early  dinner  with  him  at  Morrisson's,  and 
spent  the  better  part  of  the  morning  in  putting  down  a  few  notes  of 
my  "  Confessions"  as  well  as  the  particulars  of  Mr.  Daly's  story, 
which,  I  believe,  I  half  or  wholly  promised  my  readers  at  the  con- 
clusion of  my  last  chapter,  but  which  I  must  defer  to  a  more  suit- 
able opportunity,  when  mentioning  the  next  occasion  of  my  meeting 
him  on  the  southern  circuit. 

My  dispositions  were  speedily  made.  I  was  fortunate  in  securing 
the  exact  dress  my  friend's  letter  alluded  to  among  the  stray  cos- 
tumes of  Fishamble  street ;  and  rich  in  the  possession  of  the  only 
"  properties"  it  had  been  my  lot  to  acquire,  I  despatched  my 
treasures  to  the  coach-office,  and  hastened  to  Morrisson's,  it  being 
by  this  time  nearly  five  o'clock.  There,  true  to  time,  I  found 
O'Flaherty  deep  in  the  perusal  of  the  bill,  along  which  figured  the 
novel  expedients  for  dining  I  had  been  in  the  habit  of  reading  in 


134  EARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

every  Dublin  hotel  since  my  boyhood.  "Mock-turtle,  mutton, 
gravy,  roast  beef  and  potatoes — shoulder  of  mutton  and  potatoes  I 
— ducks  and  peas,  potatoes  I ! — ham  and  chicken,  cutlet,  steak,  and 
potatoes  I ! !— apple  tart  and  cheese."  With  a  slight  cadenza  of  a 
sigh  over  the  distant  glories  of  V6ry,  or  still  better  the  "  Fr^rcs," 
we  sat  down  to  a  very  patriarchal  repast,  and  what  may  be  always 
had  par  excellence  in  Dublin,  a  bottle  of  Sneyd's  claret. 

Poor  Tom's  spirits  were  rather  below  their  usual  pitch ;  and 
although  he  made  many  efforts  to  rally  and  appear  gay,  he  could 
not  accomplish  it.  However,  we  chatted  away  over  old  times  and 
old  friends,  and  forgetting  all  else  but  the  topics  we  talked  of,  the 
timepiece  over  the  chimney  first  apprised  me  that  two  whole  hours 
had  gone  by,  and  that  it  was  now  seven  o'clock,  the  very  hour  the 
coach  was  to  start.  I  started  up  at  once,  and,  notwithstanding  all 
Tom's  representations  of  the  impossibility  of  my  being  in  time,  had 
despatched  waiters  in  different  directions  for  a  jarvey,  more  than 
ever  determined  upon  going  ;  so  often  is  it  that  when  real  reasons 
for  our  conduct  are  wanting,  any  casual  or  chance  opposition  con- 
firms us  in  an  intention  which  before  was  but  wavering.  Seeing  me 
so  resolved,  Tom  at  length  gave  way,  and  advised  my  pursuing  the 
mail,  which  must  be  now  gone  at  least  ten  minutes,  and  which,  with 
smart  driving,  I  should  probably  overtake  before  getting  free  of  the 
city,  as  they  have  usually  many  delays  in  so  doing.  I  at  once 
ordered  out  the  "yellow  post-chaise,"  and  before  many  minutes 
had  elapsed,  what  with  imprecation  and  bribery,  I  started  in  pur- 
suit of  his  Majesty's  Cork  and  Kilkenny  mail  coach,  then  patiently 
waiting  in  the  coui't-yard  of  the  Post-office. 

"Which  way  now,  your  honor?"  said  a  shrill  voice  from  the 
dark — for  such  the  night  had  already  become,  and  threatened, 
with  a  few  heavy  drops  of  straight  rain,  the  fall  of  a  tremendous 
shower. 

"  The  Naas  road,"  said  I ;  "  and  harkye,  my  fine  fellow,  if  you 
overtake  the  coach  in  half  an  hour,  I'll  double  your  fare." 

"  Be  gorra,  I'll  do  my  endayvor,"  said  the  youth ;  at  the  same 
instant  dashing  in  both  spurs,  we  rattled  down  Nassau  street  at  a 
very  respectable  pace  for  harriers.  Street  after  street  we  passed,  and  at 
last  I  perceived  we  had  got  clear  of  the  city,  and  were  leaving  the 
long  line  of  lamp-lights  behind  us.    The  night  was  now  pitch  dark. 

I  could  not  see  anything  whatever.  The  quick  clattering  of  the 
wheels,  the  sharp  crack  of  the  postilion's  whip,  or  the  still  sharper 
tone  of  his  "  gee-hup,"  showed  me  that  we  were  going  at  a  tremen- 
dous pace,  had  I  not  even  had  the  experience  afforded  by  the  fre- 
quent visits  my  head  paid  to  the  roof  of  the  chaise,  so  often  as  we 
bounded  over  a  stone,  or  splashed  through  a  hollow.    Dark  and 


THE  CHASE.  135 

gloomy  as  it  was,  I  constantly  let  down  the  window,  and  with  half  my 
body  protruded,  endeavored  to  catch  a  glimpse  of  the  "  Chase ;"  but 
nothing  could  I  see.  The  rain  now  fell  in  actual  torrents,  and  a 
more  miserable  night  it  is  impossible  to  conceive. 

After  about  an  hour  so  spent,  we  at  last  came  to  a  check,  so 
sudden  and  unexpected  on  my  part,  that  I  was  nearly  precipitated, 
harlequin-fashion,  through  the  front  window.  Perceiving  that  we 
no  longer  moved,  and  suspecting  that  some  part  of  our  tackle  had 
given  way,  I  let  down  the  sash,  and  cried  out,  "  Well  now,  my  lad, 
anything  wrong?"  My  question  was,  however,  unheard;  and 
although,  amid  the  steam  arising  from  the  wet  and  smoking  horses, 
I  could  perceive  several  figures  indistinctly  moving  about,  I  could 
not  distinguish  what  they  were  doing,  nor  what  they  said.  A  laugh 
I  certainly  did  hear,  and  heartily  cursed  the  unfeeling  wretch,  as  I 
supposed  him  to  be,  who  was  enjoying  himself  at  my  disappointment. 
I  again  endeavored  to  find  out  what  had  happened,  and  called  out 
still  louder  than  before. 

"  We  are  at  Ra'coole,  your  honor,"  said  the  boy,  approaching  the 
door  of  the  chaise,  "  and  she's  only  beat  us  by  hafe  a  mile." 

"Who  the  devil  is  she?"  said  I. 

"  The  mail,  your  honor,  it's  always  a  female  in  Ireland." 

"Then  why  do  you  stop  now?  You  are  not  going  to  feed,  I 
suppose?" 

"Of  course  not,  your  honor;  it's  little  feeding  troubles  these 
bastes,  anyhow,  but  they  tell  me  the  road  is  so  heavy  we'll  never 
take  the  chaise  over  the  next  stage  without  leaders," 

"  Without  leaders  ?"  said  I.  "  Pooh  I  my  good  fellow,  no  humbug- 
ging :  four  horses  for  a  light  post-chaise  and  no  luggage ;  come,  get 
up,  and  no  nonsense."  At  this  moment  a  man  approached  the 
window  with  a  lantern  in  his  hand,  and  so  strongly  represented  the 
dreadful  state  of  the  roads  from  the  late  rains— the  length  of  the 
stage — the  frequency  of  accidents  latterly  from  under-horsing,  &c., 
that  I  yielded  a  reluctant  assent,  and  ordered  out  the  leaders,  com- 
forting myself  the  while  that,  considering  the  inside  fare  of  the 
coach  I  made  such  efforts  to  overtake  was  under  a  pound,  and  that 
time  was  no  object  to  me,  I  was  certainly  paying  somewhat  dearly 
for  my  character  for  resolution. 

At  last  we  got  under  way  once  more,  and  set  off  cheered  by  a 
tremendous  shout  from  at  least  a  dozen  persons,  doubtless  denizens 
of  that  interesting  locality,  amid  which  I  once  again  heard  the 
laugh  that  had  so  much  annoyed  me  already.  The  rain  was  falling, 
if  possible,  more  heavily  than  before,  and  had  evidently  set  in  for 
the  entire  night.  Throwing  myself  back  into  a  corner  of  the 
"  leathern  convenience,"  I  gave  myself  up  to  the  full  enjoyment  of 


196  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

the  Rochefoucauld  maxim  that  there  is  always  a  pleasure  felt  in  the 
misfortunes  of  even  our  best  friends,  and  certainly  experienced  no 
small  comfort  in  my  distress  by  contrasting  my  present  position  with 
that  of  my  two  friends  in  the  saddle,  as  they  sweltered  on  through 
mud  and  mire,  rain  and  storm.  On  we  went,  splashing,  bumping, 
rocking,  and  jolting,  till  I  began  at  last  to  have  serious  thoughts  of 
abdicating  the  seat  and  betaking  myself  to  the  bottom  of  the  chaise, 
for  safety  and  protection.  Mile  after  mile  succeeded ;  and  as  after 
many  a  short  and  fitful  slumber,  which  my  dreams  gave  an  apparent 
length  to,  I  awoke  only  to  find  myself  still  in  pursuit,  the  time 
seemed  so  enormously  protracted,  that  I  began  to  fancy  my  whole 
life  was  to  be  passed  in  the  dark,  in  chase  of  the  Kilkenny  mail,  as 
we  read  in  the  true  history  of  the  Flying  Dutchman,  who,  for  his 
sins  of  impatience — like  mine — spent  centuries  vainly  endeavoring 
to  double  the  Cape,  or  the  Indian  mariner  in  Moore's  beautiful 
ballad,  of  whom  we  are  told,  as — 

"  Many  a  day  to  night  gave  way, 
And  many  a  morn  succeeded, 
Yet  still  his  flight,  by  day  and  night, 
That  restless  mariner  speeded." 

This  might  have  been  all  very  well  in  the  tropics,  with  a  smart 
craft  and  doubtless  plenty  of  sea  store,  but  in  a  chaise,  at  night, 
and  on  the  Naas  road,  I  humbly  suggest  I  had  all  the  worst  of  the 
parallel. 

At  last  the  altered  sound  of  the  wheels  gave  notice  of  our  ap- 
proach to  a  town,  and  after  about  twenty  minutes'  rattling  over  the 
pavement,  we  entered  what  I  supposed,  correctly,  to  be  Naas.  Here 
I  had  long  since  determined  my  pursuit  should  cease.  I  had  done 
enough,  and  more  than  enough,  to  vindicate  my  fame  against  any 
charge  of  irresolution  as  to  leaving  Dublin,  and  was  bethinking  me 
of  the  various  modes  of  prosecuting  my  journey  on  the  morrow, 
when  we  drew  up  suddenly  at  the  door  of  the  "  Swan."  The  arrival 
of  a  chaise  and  four  at  a  small  country  town  inn  suggests  to  the 
various  ofiicials  therein  anything  rather  than  the  traveller  in 
pursuit  of  the  mail,  and  so  the  moment  I  arrived  I  was  assailed 
with  innumerable  proffers  of  horses,  supper,  bed,  and  so  on.  My 
anxious  query  was  thrice  repeated  in  vain,  "When  did  the  coach 
pass  ?" 

"  The  mail  ?"  inquired  the  landlord  at  length.  "  Is  it  the  down 
mail?" 

Not  understanding  the  technical,  T  answered,  "  Of  course  not  the 
Down — the  Kilkenny  and  Cork  mail." 

"From  Dublin,  sir?" 

"  Yea,  from  Dublin." 


THE  CHASE.  137 

"Not  arrived  yet,  sir,  nor  will  it  for  three-quarters  of  an  hour; 
they  never  leave  Dublin  till  a  quarter-past  seven ;  that  is,  in  fact, 
half-past,  and  their  time  here  is  twenty  minutes  to  eleven." 

"  Why,  you  stupid  son  of  a  boot-top,  we  have  been  posting  on  all 
night  like  the  devil,  and  all  this  time  the  coach  has  been  ten  miles 
behind  us." 

"  Well,  we've  cotch  them  anyhow,"  said  the  urchin,  as  he  disen- 
gaged himself  from  his  wet  saddle,  and  stood  upon  the  ground; 
"  and  it  is  not  my  fault  that  the  coach  is  not  before  us." 

With  a  satisfactory  anathema  upon  all  innkeepers,  waiters, 
hostlers,  and  post  boys,  with  a  codicil,  including  coach  proprietors, 
I  followed  the  smirking  landlord  into  a  well-lighted  room,  with 
a  blazing  fire,  when,  having  ordered  supper,  I  soon  regained  my 
equanimity. 

My  rasher  and  poached  eggs,  all  Naas  could  afford  me,  were 
speedily  despatched,  and  as  my  last  glass  from  my  one  pint  of  sherry 
was  poured  out,  the  long-expected  coach  drew  up.  A  minute  after, 
the  coachman  entered  to  take  his  dram,  foUoAved  by  the  guard.  A 
more  lamentable  spectacle  of  condensed  moisture  cannot  be  con- 
ceived ;  the  rain  fell  from  the  entire  circumference  of  his  broad- 
brimmed  hat,  like  ihe  ever-flowing  drop  from  the  edge  of  an  antique 
fountain;  his  drab  coat  had  become  of  a  deep  orange  hue,  while  his 
huge  figure  loomed  still  larger,  as  he  stood  amid  a  nebula  of  damp 
that  would  have  made  an  atmosphere  for  the  Georgium  Sidus. 

"  Going  on  to-night,  sir?"  said  he,  addressing  me  ;  "  severe  weather 
and  no  chance  of  its  clearing ;  but  of  course  you're  inside." 

"Why,  there  is  very  little  doubt  of  that,"  said  I.  "Are  you 
nearly  full  inside?" 

"Only  one,  sir;  but  he  seems  a  real  queer  chap;  made  fifty  in- 
quiries at  the  ofiice  if  he  could  not  have  the  whole  inside  to  himself, 
and  when  he  heard  that  one  place  had  been  taken — yours,  I  believe, 
sir — he  seemed  like  a  scalded  bear." 

"  You  don't  know  his  name,  then?" 

"  No,  sir,  he  never  gave  a  name  at  the  office,  and  his  only  luggage 
is  two  brown  paper  parcels,  without  any  ticket,  and  he  has  them 
inside;  indeed,  he  never  leaves  them,  even  for  a  second." 

Here  the  guard's  horn,  announcing  all  ready,  interrupted  our 
colloquy,  and  prevented  my  learning  anything  further  of  my  fellow- 
traveller,  whom,  however,  I  at  once  set  down  in  my  own  mind  fot 
some  confounded  old  churl  that  made  himself  comfortable  every- 
where, without  ever  thinking  of  any  one  else's  convenience. 

As  I  passed  from  the  inn-door  to  the  coach,  I  once  more  con- 
gratulated myself  that  I  was  about  to  be  housed  from  the  terrific 
storm  of  wind  and  rain  that  railed  without. 


138  EARRY  L  ORREQ  UER. 

"Here's  the  step,  sir,"  said  the  guard ;  "get  in,  sir;  two  minutes 
late  already, 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,  sir,"  said  I,  as  I  half  fell  over  the  legs  of  my 
unseen  companion.  "  May  I  request  leave  to  pass  you  ?"  While 
he  made  way  for  me  for  this  purpose,  I  perceived  that  he  stooped 
down  towards  the  guard,  and  said  something,  who,  from  his  answer, 
had  evidently  been  questioned  as  to  who  I  was.  "  And  how  did  he 
get  here,  if  he  took  his  place  in  Dublin  ?"  asked  the  unknown. 

"Came  half  an  hour  since,  sir,  in  a  chaise  and  four,"  said  the 
guard,  as  he  banged  the  door  behind  him,  and  closed  the  interview. 

Whatever  might  have  been  the  reasons  for  my  fellow-traveller's 
anxiety  about  my  name  and  occupation,  I  knew  not,  yet  could 
not  help  feeling  gratified  at  thinking  that,  as  I  had  not  given 
my  name  at  the  coach-office,  I  was  as  great  a  puzzle  to  him  as  he  to 
me. 

"A  severe  night,  sir,"  said  I,  endeavoring  to  break  ground  in 
conversation. 

"  Mighty  severe,"  briefly  and  half-crustily  replied  the  unknown, 
with  a  richness  of  brogue  that  might  have  stood  for  certificate  of 
baptism  in  Cork  or  its  vicinity. 

"  And  a  bad  road,  too,  sir,"  said  I,  remembering  my  lately  accom- 
plished stage. 

"  That's  the  reason  I  always  go  armed,"  said  the  unknown,  clink» 
ing  at  the  same  moment  something  like  the  barrel  of  a  pistol. 

Wondering  somewhat  at  his  readiness  to  mistake  my  meaning,  E 
felt  disposed  to  drop  any  further  effort  to  draw  him  out,  and  was 
about  to  address  myself  to  sleep,  as  comfortably  as  I  could. 

"  I'll  just  trouble  ye  to  lean  off  that  little  parcel  there,  sir,"  said 
he,  as  he  displaced  from  its  position  beneath  my  elbow  one  of  the 
paper  packages  the  guard  had  already  alluded  to. 

In  complying  with  this  rather  gruff  demand,  one  of  my  pocket- 
pistols,  which  I  carried  in  my  breast-pocket,  fell  out  upon  his  knee, 
upon  which  he  immediately  started,  and  asked  hurriedly,  "  And  are 
you  armed,  too  ?" 

"  Why,  yes,"  said  I,  laughingly ;  "  men  of  my  trade  seldom  go 
without  something  of  this  kind." 

"  Be  gorra,  I  was  just  thinking  that  same,"  said  the  traveller,  with 
a  half  sigh  to  himself. 

Why  he  should  or  should  not  have  thought  so,  I  never  troubled 
myself  to  canvass,  and  was  once  more  settling  myself  in  my  corner, 
when  I  was  startled  by  a  very  melancholy  groan,  which  seemed  to 
come  from  the  bottom  of  my  companion's  heart. 

"Are  you  ill,  sir?"  said  I,  in  a  voice  of  some  anxiety. 

"  You  may  say  that,"  replied  he,  "  if  you  knew  who  you  were 


THE  CHASE.  139 

talking  to,  although  maybe  you've  heard  enough  of  me,  though  you 
never  suw  mc  till  now." 

"  Without  having  that  pleasure,  even  yet,"  said  I,  "  it  would 
grieve  me  to  think  you  should  be  ill  in  the  coach." 

"  Maybe  it  might,"  briefly  replied  the  unknown,  with  a  species  of 
meaning  in  hia  words  I  could  nut  then  understand.  "  Did  ye  never 
hear  tell  of  Barney  Doyle?"  said  he. 

"  Not  to  my  recollection." 

"  Then  I'm  Barney,"  said  he,  "  that's  in  all  the  newspapers  in  the 
metropolis.  I'm  seventeen  weeks  in  Jervis  Street  Hospital,  and 
four  in  the  Lunatic,  and  the  devil  a  better  after  all.  You  must  be  a 
stranger,  I'm  thinking,  or  you'd  know  me  now." 

"  Why,  I  do  confess  I've  only  been  a  few  hours  in  Ireland  for  the 
last  six  months." 

"  Ay,  that's  the  reason  ;  I  knew  you  would  not  be  fond  of  travel- 
ling with  me,  if  you  knew  who  it  was." 

"  Why,  really,"  said  I,  beginning  at  the  moment  to  fathom  some 
of  the  hints  of  my  companion,  "I  did  not  anticipate  the  pleasure  of 
meeting  you." 

"  It's  pleasure  ye  call  it;  then  there's  no  accountin'  for  tastes,  as 
Dr.  Colles  said,  when  he  saw  me  bite  Cusack  Kooney's  thumb  ofl"." 

"  Bite  a  man's  thumb  off  !"  said  I,  in  horror. 

"  Ay,"  said  he,  with  a  kind  of  fiendish  animation,  "  in  one  chop. 
I  wish  you'd  seen  how  I  scattered  the  consultation;  begad,  they 
didn't  wait  to  ax  for  a  fee." 

"  Upon  my  soul,  a  very  pleasant  vicinity,"  thought  I.  "And  may 
I  ask,  sir,"  said  I,  in  a  very  mild  and  soothing  tone  of  voice — "may 
I  ask  the  reason  for  this  singular  propensity  of  yours?" 

"  There  it  is  now,  my  dear,"  said  he,  laying  his  hand  upon  my 
knee  familiarly,  "  that's  just  the  very  thing  they  can't  make  out. 
Colles  says  it's  all  the  cerebellum,  ye  see,  that's  inflamed  and  com- 
busted, and  some  of  the  others  think  it's  the  spine ;  and  more,  the 
muscles ;  but  my  real  impression  is,  devil  a  bit  they  know  about  it 
at  all." 

"  And  have  they  no  name  for  the  malady?"  said  I. 

"  Oh,  sure  enough  they  have  a  name  for  it." 

"  And,  may  I  ask " 

"  Why,  I  think  you'd  better  not,  because,  ye  see,  maybe  I  might 
be  throublesome  to  ye  in  the  night,  though  I'll  not  if  I  can  help  it; 
and  it  might  be  uncomfortable  for  you  to  be  here  if  I  was  to  get  one 
of  the  fits." 

"  One  of  the  fits  I  Why,  it's  not  possible,  sir,"  said  I,  "  you  would 
travel  in  a  public  conveyance  in  the  state  you  mention  ;  your  friends 
surely  would  not  permit  it  ?" 


140  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

"  Why,  if  they  knew,  perhaps,"  slyly  responded  the  interesting 
invalid — "  if  they  knew,  they  might  not  exactly  like  it,  but,  ye  see, 
I  escaped  only  last  night,  and  there'll  be  a  fine  hubbub  in  the  morn- 
ing, when  they  find  I'm  oflf ;  though  I'm  thinking  Rooney's  barking 
away  by  this  time." 

"  Eooney  barking  I — why,  what  does  that  mean  ?" 
^  "They  always  bark  for  a  day  or  two  after  they're  bit,  if  the  infec- 
tion comes  first  from  the  dog." 

"  You  are  surely  not  speaking  of  hydrophobia,"  said  I,  my  hair 
actually  bristling  with  horror  and  consternation. 

"  Ain't  1 1"  replied  he ;  "  maybe  you've  guessed  it  though." 
"  And  have  you  the  malady  on  you  at  present  ?"  said  I,  trembling 
for  the  answer. 

"  This  is  the  ninth  day  since  I  took  to  biting,"  said  he,  gravely, 
perfectly  unconscious,  as  it  appeared,  of  the  terror  such  information 
was  calculated  to  convey. 

"  And  with  such  a  propensity,  sir,  do  you  think  yourself  warranted 

in  travelling  in  a  public  coach,  exposing  others " 

"  You'd  better  not  raise  your  voice  that  way,"  quietly  responded 
he.     "  If  I'm  roused,  it'll  be  worse  for  ye,  that's  all." 

"  Well,  but,"  said  I,  moderating  my  zeal,  "  is  it  exactly  prudent, 
in  your  present  delicate  state,  to  undertake  a  journey  ?" 

"  Ah,"  said  he,  with  a  sigh,  "  I've  been  longing  to  see  the  fox- 
hounds throw  off  near  Kilkenny;  these  three  weeks  I've  been 
thinking  of  nothing  else ;  but  I'm  not  sure  how  my  nerves  will 
stand  the  cry ;  I  might  be  troublesome." 

"  Upon  my  soul,"  thought  I,  "  I  shall  not  select  that  morning  for 
my  d6but  in  the  field." 

"  I  hope,  sir,  there's  no  river  or  watercourse  on  this  road — any- 
thing else,  I  can,  I  hope,  control  myself  against;  but  water— running 
water  particularly — makes  me  troublesome." 

Well  knowing  what  he  meant  by  the  latter  phrase,  I  felt  the  cold 
perspiration  settling  on  my  forehead  as  I  remembered  that  we  must 
be  within  about  ten  or  twelve  miles  of  Leighlin  Bridge,  where  we 
should  have  to  pass  a  very  wide  river.  I  strictly  concealed  this 
fact  from  him,  however,  and  gave  him  to  understand  that  there  was 
not  a  well,  brook,  or  rivulet  for  forty  miles  on  either  side  of  us. 
He  now  sank  into  a  kind  of  moody  silence,  broken  occasionally  by 
a  low  muttering  noise,  as  if  speaking  to  himself;  what  this  might 
portend,  I  knew  not,  but  thought  it  better,  under  all  circumstances, 
not  to  disturb  him.  How  comfortable  my  present  condition  was  I 
need  scarcely  remark,  sitting  vis-d-vis  to  a  lunatic,  with  a  pair  of 
pistols  in  his  possession,  who  had  already  avowed  his  consciousness 
of  his  tendency  to  do  mischief,  and  his  inability  to  master  it;  all 


THE  CHASE.  1-11 

this  in  the  darlc,  and  in  the  narrow  limits  of  a  mail  coach,  where 
there  was  scarcely  room  for  delence,  and  no  possibility  of  escape. 
How  heartily  I  wished  myself  back  in  the  coilee-room  at  Morris- 
son's,  with  my  poor  friend  Tom.     The  infernal  chaise,  that  I  cursed 
a  hundred  times,  would  have  been  an  "  exchange"  better  than  into 
the  Life  Guards — ay,  even  the  outside  of  the  coach,  if  I  could  only 
reach  it,  would,  under  present  circumstances,  be  a  glorious  alterna- 
tive to    my   existing    misfortune.      What    were   rain   and   storm, 
thunder  and  lightning,  compared  with  the  chances  that  awaited  me 
here? — wet  through  I  should  inevitably  be,  but  then  I  had  not  yet 
contracted  the  horror  of  moisture  my  friend  opposite  labored  under. 
"  Ha  I  what  is  that?  —  is  it  possible  he  can  be  asleep  ; — is  it  really 
a  snore? — Heaven  grant  that  little  snort  be  not  what  the  medical 
people  call  a  premonitory  symptom — if  so,  he'll  be  in  upon  me  now, 
in  no  time.     Ah,  there  it  is  again;  he  must  be  asleep,  surely;  now 
then  is  my  time,  or  never."     With  these  words,  muttered  to  myself, 
and  a  heart  throbbing  almost  audibly  at  the  risk  of  his  awakening, 
I  slowly  let  down  the  window  of  the  coach,  and  stretching  forth  my 
hand,  turned  the  handle  cautiously  and  slowly  ;  I  next  disengaged 
my  legs,  and  by  a  long  continuous  effort  of  creeping — which  I  had 
learned  perfectly  once,  when  practising  to  go  as  a  boa-constrictor  to 
a  fancy  ball — I  withdrew  myself  from  the  seat  and  reached  the  step, 
when  I  muttered  something  very  like  a  thanksgiving  to  Providence 
for  my  rescue.     With  little  difficulty  I  now  climbed  up  beside  the 
guard,  whose  astonishment  at  my  appearance  was  indeed  consider- 
able; that  any  man  should  prefer  the  outside  to  the  inside  of  a 
coach,  in  such  a  night,  was  rather  remarkable;  but  that  the  person 
so  doing  should  be  totally  unprovided  with  a  box-coat,  or  other 
similar  protection,  argued  something  so  strange,  that  I  doubt  not,  if 
he  were  to  decide  upon  the  applicability  of  the  statute  of  lunacy  to 
a    traveller    in    the  mail,   the   palm   would   certainly   have  been 
awarded  to  me,   and  not  to   my  late  companion.     Well,   on  we 
rolled,  and  heavily  as  the  rain  poured  down,  so  relieved  did  I  feel 
at  my  change  of  position,  that  I  soon  fell  fast  asleep,  and  never  woke 
till  the  coach  was  driving  up  Patrick  street.     Whatever  solace  to 
my  feelings  reaching  the  outside  of  the  coach  might  have  been 
attended  with  at  night,  the  pleasure  I  experienced  on  awakening 
was  really  not  unalloyed.     More  dead  than   alive,  I  sat  a  mass  of 
wet  clothes,  like  nothing  under  heaven  except  it  be  that  morsel  of 
black  and  spongy  wet  cotton  at  the  bottom  of  a  schoolboy's  ink 
bottle,  saturated  with  rain,  and  the  black  dye  of  my  coat.     My  hat, 
too,  had  contributed  its  share  of  coloring  matter,  and  several  long 
black  streaks  coursed  down  my  "wrinkled  front,"  giving  me  very 
much  the  air  of  an  Indian  warrior,  who  had  got  the  first  priming  of 


142  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

his  war  paint.  I  certainly  must  have  been  a  rueful  object,  were  I 
only  to  judge  from  the  faces  of  the  waiters  as  they  gazed  on  me 
when  the  coach  drew  up  at  Rice  and  Walsh's  Hotel.  Cold,  wet, 
and  weary  as  I  was,  my  curiosity  to  learn  more  of  my  late  agreeable 
companion  was  strong  as  ever  within  me — perhaps  stronger,  from 
the  sacrifices  his  acquaintance  had  exacted  from  me.  Before,  how^ 
ever,  I  had  disengaged  myself  from  the  pile  of  trunks  and  carpet 
bags  I  had  surrounded  myself  with,  he  had  got  out  of  the  coach, 
and  all  I  could  catch  a  glimpse  of  was  the  back  of  a  little  short 
man  in  a  kind  of  gray  upper  coat,  and  long  galligaskins  on  his 
legs.  He  carried  his  two  bundles  under  his  arm,  and  stepped 
nimbly  up  the  steps  of  the  hotel,  without  ever  turning  his  head  to 
either  side. 

"  Don't  fancy  you  shall  escape  me  now,  my  good  friend,"  I  cried 
out,  as  I  sprang  from  the  roof  to  the  ground,  with  one  jump,  and 
hurried  after  the  great  unknown  into  the  coffee-room.  By  the  time 
I  reached  it  he  had  approached  the  fire,  on  the  table  near  which, 
having  deposited  the  mysterious  paper  parcels,  he  was  now  busily 
engaged  in  divesting  himself  of  his  greatcoat ;  his  face  was  still 
turned  from  me,  so  that  I  had  time  to  appear  employed  in  divesting 
myself  of  my  wet  drapery  before  he  perceived  me ;  at  last  the  coat 
was  unbuttoned,  the  gaiters  followed,  and,  throwing  them  carelessly 
on  a  chair,  he  tucked  up  the  skirts  of  his  coat,  and,  spreading 
himself  comfortably,  d  V Anglais,  before  the  fire,  displayed  to  my 
wondering  and  stupefied  gaze  the  pleasant  features  of  Doctor  Finu- 
cane. 

"Why,  Doctor— Doctor  Finucane,"  cried  I,  "is  this  possible? 
Were  you  then  really  the  inside  in  the  mail  last  night?" 

"  Devil  a  doubt  of  it,  Mr.  Lorrequer ;  and  may  I  make  bould  to 
ask,  were  you  the  outside  ?" 

"  Then  what,  may  I  beg  to  know,  did  you  mean  by  your  d—  story 
about  Barney  Doyle,  and  the  hydrophobia,  and  Cusack  Eooney's 
thumb— eh  ?" 

"  Oh,  by  the  Lord  !"  said  Finucane,  "  this  will  be  the  death  of 
me.  And  it  was  you  that  I  drove  outside  in  all  the  rain  last  night  I 
Oh,  it  will  kill  Father  Malachi  outright  with  laughing  when  I  tell 
him."  And  he  burst  out  into  a  fit  of  merriment  that  nearly  induced 
me  to  break  his  head  with  the  poker. 

"  Am  I  to  understand,  then,  Mr.  Finucane,  that  this  practical 
joke  of  yours  was  contrived  for  my  benefit,  and  for  the  purpose  of 
holding  me  up  to  the  ridicule  of  your  confounded  acquaintances?" 

"Nothing  of  the  kind,  upon  my  conscience,"  said  Fin,  drying 
his  eyes,  and  endeavoring  to  look  sorry  and  sentimental.  "  If  I  had 
only  the  least  suspicion  in  life  that  it  was  you,  upon  my  oath  I'd  not 


THE  CHASE.  143 

have  had  the  hydrophobia  at  all,  and  to  tell  you  the  truth,  you  were 
not  the  only  one  frightened— you  alarmed  me  devilishly  too." 

"  I  alarmed  you  !     Why,  how  can  that  be  ?" 

"  Why,  the  real  affair  is  this  :  I  was  bringing  these  two  packages 
of  notes  down  to  my  cousin  Callahan's  bank  in  Cork — fifteen  thou- 
sand pounds,  devil  a  less— and  when  you  came  into  the  coach  at 
Naas,  after  driving  there  with  your  four  horses,  I  thought  it  was  all 
up  with  me.  The  guard  just  whispered  in  my  ear  that  he  saw  you 
look  at  the  priming  of  your  pistols  before  getting  in  ;  and  faith  I 
said  four  Paters  and  a  Hail  Mary  before  you'd  count  live.  Well, 
when  you  got  seated,  the  thought  came  into  my  mind  that  maybe, 
highwayman  as  you  were,  you  would  not  like  dying  a  natural  death, 
more  particularly  if  you  were  au  Irishman ;  and  so  I  trumped  up 
that  long  story  about  the  hydrophobia,  and  the  gentleman's  thumb, 
and  devil  knows  what  besides ;  and  while  I  was  telling  it,  the  cold 
perspiration  was  running  down  my  head  and  face,  for  every  time 
you  stirred,  I  said  to  myself,  now  he'll  do  it.  Two  or  three  times,  do 
you  know,  I  was  going  to  offer  you  ten  shillings  in  the  pound,  and 
spare  my  life;  and  once — God  forgive  me — I  thought  it  would  not 
be  a  bad  plan  to  shoot  you  by  '  mistake,'  do  you  perceive?" 

"  Why,  upon  my  soul,  I'm  very  much  obliged  to  you  for  your  ex- 
cessively kind  intentions;  but  really  I  feel  you  have  done  quite 
enough  for  me  on  the  present  occasion.  But,  come  now,  doctor,  I 
must  get  to  bed,  and  before  I  go,  promise  me  two  things — to  dine 
with  us  to-day  at  the  mess,  and  not  to  mention  a  syllable  of  what 
occurred  last  night — it  tells,  believe  me,  very  badly  for  both ;  so 
keep  the  secret,  for  if  these  confounded  fellows  of  ours  ever  get 
hold  of  it,  I  may  sell  out  and  quit  the  army ;  I'll  never  hear  the  end 
of  it." 

"  Never  fear,  my  boy ;  trust  me.  I'll  dine  with  you,  and  you're  as 
safe  as  a  church-mouse  for  anything  I'll  tell  them  ;  so,  now  you'd 
better  change  your  clothes,  for  I'm  thinking  it  rained  last  night." 

Muttering  some  very  dubious  blessings  upon  the  learned  Fin,  I 
left  the  room,  infinitely  more  chagrined  and  chopfallen  at  the  dis- 
covery I  had  made  than  at  all  the  misery  and  exposure  the  trick 
had  consigned  me  to.  "  However,"  thought  I,  "  if  the  doctor  keep 
his  word,  all  goes  well :  the  whole  affair  is  between  us  both  solely ; 
but  should  it  not  be  so,  I  may  shoot  half  the  mess  before  the  other 
half  would  give  up  quizzing  me."  Revolving  such  pleasant 
thoughts,  I  betook  myself  to  bed,  and,  what  with  mulled  port,  and 
a  blazing  fire,  became  once  more  conscious  of  being  a  warm-blooded 
animal,  and  fell  sound  asleep,  to  dream  of  doctors,  strait-waistcoats, 
shaved  heads,  and  all  the  pleasing  associations  my  late  compauiou'a 
narrative  so  readily  suggested. 


144  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

CHAPTER    XV. 

MEMS.   OF   THE   NORTH   CORK. 

THAT  evening  at  six  o'clock  I  had  the  pleasure  of  presenting 
the  worthy  Doctor  Finucane  to  our  mess,  taking  at  the  same 
time  an  opportunity,  unobserved  by  him,  to  inform  three  or 
four  of  my  brother  officers  that  my  friend  was  really  a  character, 
abounding  in  native  drollery,  and  richer  in  good  stories  than  even 
the  generality  of  his  countrymen. 

Nothing  could  possibly  go  on  better  than  the  early  part  of  the 
evening.  Fin,  true  to  his  promise,  never  once  alluded  to  what  I 
could  plainly  perceive  was  ever  uppermost  in  his  mind,  and  what 
with  his  fund  of  humor,  quaintness  of  expression,  and  quickness  at 
reply,  garnished  throughout  by  his  most  mellifluous  brogue,  the 
true  "  Bocca  Corkana,"  kept  us  from  one  roar  of  laughter  to  an' 
other.  It  was  just  at  the  moment  in  which  his  spirits  seemed  at 
their  highest,  that  I  had  the  misfortune  to  call  upon  him  for  a 
story  which  his  cousin,  Father  Malachi,  had  alluded  to  on  the  ever- 
nieiuorable  evening  at  his  house,  and  which  I  had  a  great  desire  to 
hear  from  Fin's  own  lips.  He  seemed  disposed  to  escape  telling  it, 
and,  upon  my  continuing  to  press  my  request,  dryly  remarked, — 

"  You  forget,  surely,  my  dear  Mr.  Lorrequer,  the  weak  condition 
I'm  in ;  and  these  gentlemen  here,  they  don't  know  what  a  severe 
illness  I've  been  laboring  under  lately,  or  they  would  not  pass  the 
decanter  so  freely  down  this  quarter." 

I  had  barely  time  to  throw  a  mingled  look  of  entreaty  and  menace 
across  the  table  when  half  a  dozen  others,  rightly  judging,  from  the 
doctor's  tone  and  serio-comic  expression,  that  his  malady  had 
many  more  symptoms  of  fun  than  suffering  about  it,  called  out 
together — 

"  Oh,  doctor,  by  all  means,  tell  us  the  nature  of  your  late  attack 
— pray  relate  it." 

"  With  Mr.  Lorrequer's  permission,  I'm  your  slave,  gentlemen," 
said  Fin,  finishing  off  his  glass. 

"  Oh,  as  for  me,"  I  cried,  "  Dr.  Finucane  has  my  full  permission 
to  detail  whatever  he  pleases  to  think  a  fit  subject  for  your  amuse- 
ment." 

"  Come,  then,  doctor,  Harry  has  no  objection,  you  see;  so  out  with 
it,  and  we  are  all  prepared  to  sympathize  with  your  woes  and  mis- 
fortunes, whatever  they  be." 

"  Well,  I  am  sure,  I  never  could  think  of  mentioning  it 
without  his  leave;  but  now  tliat  he  sees  no  objection — Eh,  do 
you,  though  ?    If  so,  then,  don't  be  winking  and  making  faces  at 


MEMS.  OF  THE  NORTH  CORK.  145 

me ;  but  say  the  word,  and  divil  a  syllable  of  it  I'll  tell  to  man  or 
mortal." 

The  latter  part  of  this  delectable  speech  was  addressed  to  me 
across  the  table,  in  a  species  of  stage  whisper,  in  reply  to  some 
telegraphic  signals,  I  had  been  throwing  him,  to  induce  him  to  turn 
the  conversation  into  another  channel. 

"Then,  that's  enough,"  continued  he,  sotto  voce — "I  see  you'd 
rather  I'd  not  tell  it." 

"  Tell  it  and  be  d — "  said  I,  wearied  by  the  incorrigible  perti- 
nacity with  which  the  villain  assailed  me.  My  most  unexpected 
energy  threw  the  whole  table  into  a  roar,  at  the  conclusion  of  which 
Fin  began  his  narrative  of  the  mail-coach  adventure. 

I  need  not  tell  my  reader,  who  has  followed  me  throughout  in 
these  my  "  Confessions,"  that  such  a  story  lost  nothing  of  its 
absurdity  when  entrusted  to  the  doctor's  powers  of  narration ;  he 
dwelt  with  a  poet's  feeling  upon  the  description  of  his  own  suffer- 
ings, and  my  sincere  condolence  and  commiseration ;  he  touched 
with  the  utmost  delicacy  upon  the  distant  hints  by  which  he  broke 
the  news  to  me  ;  but  when  he  came  to  describe  my  open  and  undis- 
guised terror,  and  my  secret  and  precipitate  retreat  to  the  roof  of 
the  coach,  there  was  not  a  man  at  the  table  that  was  not  convulsed 
with  laughter — and,  shall  I  acknowledge  it,  even  I  was  unable  to 
stand  the  effect,  and  joined  in  the  general  chorus  against  myself. 

"  Well,"  said  the  remorseless  wretch,  as  he  finished  his  story,  "if 
ye  haven't  the  hard  hearts  to  laugh  at  such  a  melancholy  subject  1 
Maybe,  however,  you're  not  so  cruel  after  all — here's  a  toast  for  you : 
*  A  speedy  recovery  to  Cusack  Rooney.'  "  This  was  drunk  amid 
renewed  peals,  with  all  the  honors ;  and  I  had  abundant  time  before 
the  uproar  was  over  to  wish  every  man  of  them  hanged.  It  was  to 
no  purpose  that  I  endeavored  to  turn  the  tables  by  describing  Fin's 
terror  at  my  supposed  resemblance  to  a  highwayman— his  story  had 
the  precedence,  and  I  met  nothing  during  my  recital  but  sly  allu- 
sions to  mad  dogs,  muzzles,  and  doctors ;  and  contemptible  puns 
were  let  off"  on  every  side  at  my  expense. 

"  It's  a  little  shame  I  take  to  myself  for  the  mistake,  anyhow," 
said  Fin ;  "  for,  putting  the  darkness  of  the  night  out  of  the  ques- 
tion, I'm  not  so  sure  I  would  not  have  ugly  suspicions  of  you  by 
daylight." 

"And  besides,  doctor,"  added  I,  "it  would  not  be  your  first 
blunder  in  the  dark." 

"  True  for  you,  Mr.  Lorrequer,"  said  he,  good-humoredly ;  "  and 
now  that  I  have  told  them  your  story,  I  don't  care  if  they  hear  mine, 
though,  maybe,  some  of  ye  have  heard  it  already :  it's  pretty  well 
known  in  the  North  Cork." 
10 


146  HARRY  LOllREQVER. 

We  all  gave  our  disclaimers  on  this  point,  and  having  ordered  in 
a  fresh  cooper  of  port,  disposed  ourselves  in  our  most  easy  attitudes, 
while  the  doctor  proceeded  as  follows : — 

"  It  was  in  the  hard  winter  of  the  year  '99  that  we  were  quartered 
in  Maynooth,  as  many  said,  for  our  sins,  for  a  more  stupid  place — 
the  Lord  be  merciful  to  it — never  were  men  condemned  to.  The 
people  at  the  college  were  much  better  off  than  us  ;  they  had  what- 
ever was  to  be  got  in  the  country,  and  never  were  disturbed  by 
mounting  guard,  or  night  patrols.  ]Many  of  the  professors  were 
good  fellows  that  liked  grog  fully  as  well  as  Greek,  and  understood 
short  whist  and  five-and-ten  quite  as  intimately  as  they  knew  the 
Vulgate,  or  the  confessions  of  St.  Augustine.  They  made  no  osten- 
tatious display  of  their  pious  zeal,  but  whenever  they  were  not 
fasting  or  praying,  or  something  of  that  kind,  they  were  always 
pleasant  and  agreeable ;  and,  to  do  them  justice,  never  refused,  by 
any  chance,  an  invitation  to  dinner — no  matter  at  what  inconveni- 
ence. Well,  even  this  solace  to  our  affliction  was  soon  lost  by  an 
unfortunate  mistake  of  that  Orange  rogue  of  the  world,  Major 
Jones,  that  gave  a  wrong  pass  one  night — Mr,  Lorrequer  knows  the 
story" — (here  he  alluded  to  an  adventure  detailed  in  an  early 
chapter  of  my  "  Confessions") — "  and  from  that  day  forward  we 
never  saw  the  pleasant  faces  of  the  Abb6  D'Array  or  the  Professor 
of  the  Humanities,  at  the  mess.  Well,  the  only  thing  I  could  do  was 
just  to  take  an  opportunity  to  drop  in  at  the  college  in  the  evening, 
where  we  had  a  quiet  rubber  of  whist,  and  a  little  social  and  intel- 
lectual conversation,  with  maybe  an  oyster  and  a  glass  of  punch, 
just  to  season  the  thing,  before  we  separated,  all  done  discreetly  and 
quietly — no  shouting,  or  even  singing,  for  the  '  superior'  had  a  pre- 
judice about  profane  songs.  Well,  one  of  those  nights — it  was  about 
the  first  week  in  February — I  was  detained  by  stress  of  weather 
from  eleven  o'clock,  when  we  usually  bade  good-night,  to  past 
twelve,  and  then  to  one  o'clock,  waiting  for  a  dry  moment  to  get 
home  to  the  barracks — a  good  mile  and  a  half  off.  Every  time  old 
Father  Mahony  went  to  look  at  the  weather,  he  came  back,  saying, 
'  It's  worse  it's  getting— such  a  night  of  rain,  glory  be  to  God  1 
never  was  seen.'  So  there  was  no  good  in  going  out  to  be  drenched 
to  the  skin,  and  I  sat  quietly  waiting,  taking  between  times  a  little 
punch,  just  not  to  seem  impatient,  nor  distress  their  rev'rences.  At 
last  it  struck  two,  and  I  thought,  'Well,  the  decanter  is  empty  now, 
and  I  think,  if  I  mean  to  walk,  I've  taken  enough  for  the  present  ;* 
so,  wishing  them  all  manner  of  happiness  and  pleasant  dreams,  I 
stumbled  my  way  down  stairs,  and  set  out  on  my  journey.  I  was 
always  in  the  habit  of  taking  a  short  cut  on  my  way  home  across 
the  '  Gurt  na  brocha,'  the  priest's  meadows,  as  they  call  them,  it 


MEMS.  OF  THE  NOliTH  CORK.  147 

saved  nearly  half  a  mile,  although  on  the  present  occasion  it  exposed 
one  woefully  to  the  ruin,  for  there  was  nothing  to  shelter  under  the 
entire  way,  not  even  a  tree.  Well,  out  I  set  in  a  half  trot,  for  I 
stayed  so  late  I  was  pressed  for  time;  besides,  I  felt  it  easier  to  run 
than  to  walk,  I'm  sure  I  can't  tell  why ;  maybe  the  drop  of  drink  I 
took  got  into  my  head.  Well,  I  was  just  jogging  on  across  the 
common,  the  rain  beating  hard  in  my  face,  and  my  clothes  pasted 
to  me  with  the  wet;  notwithstanding,  I  was  singing  to  myself 
a  verse  of  an  old  song  to  lighten  the  road,  when  I  heard  suddenly  a 
noise  near  me  like  a  man  sneezing.  I  stopped  and  listened — iu 
fact,  it  was  impossible  to  see  your  hand,  the  night  was  so  dark — but 
•I  could  hear  nothing ;  the  thought  then  came  over  me,  maybe  it's 
something  '  not  good,'  for  there  were  very  ugly  stories  going  about 
what  the  priests  used  to  do  formerly  in  these  meadows ;  and  bones 
were  often  found  in  different  parts  of  them.  Just  as  I  was  thinking 
this,  another  voice  came  nearer  than  the  last,  it  might  be  only  a 
sneeze,  after  all,  but  in  real  earnest  it  was  mighty  like  a  groan. 
'The  Lord  be  about  us,'  I  said  to  myself,  'what's  this?  Have  ye 
the  pass  ?'  I  cried  out, '  have  ye  the  pass  ?  or  what  brings  ye  walking 
here,  in  nomine  patrif  for  I  was  so  confused  whether  it  was  a  'sperit' 
or  not,  I  was  going  to  address  him  in  Latin — there's  nothing  equal 
to  the  dead  languages  to  lay  a  ghost,  everybody  knows.  Faith,  the 
moment  I  said  these  words,  he  gave  another  groan,  deeper  and  more 
melancholy  like  than  before.  '  If  it's  uneasy  ye  are,'  says  I,  '  for 
any  neglect  of  your  friends,' — for  I  thought  he  might  be  in  purga- 
tory longer  than  he  thought  convenient, — '  tell  me  what  you  wish, 
and  go  home  peaceably  out  of  the  rain,  for  this  weather  can  do  no 
good  to  living  or  dead;  go  home,'  said  I,  'and,  if  it's  masses  ye'd 
like,  I'll  give  you  a  day's  pay  myself,  rather  than  you  should  fret 
yourself  this  way.'  The  words  were  not  well  out  of  my  mouth,  when 
he  came  so  near  me  that  the  sigh  he  gave  went  right  through  both 
my  ears.  'The  Lord  be  merciful  to  me !'  said  I,  trembling.  '  Amen,' 
says  he,  in  a  husky  voice.  The  moment  he  said  that  my  mind  was 
relieved,  for  I  knew  it  was  not  a  sperit,  and  I  began  to  laugh  heartily 
at  my  mistake.  '  And  who  are  ye  at  all,'  said  I, '  that's  roving  about 
at  this  hour  of  the  night?  Ye  can't  be  Father  Luke,  for  I  left  him 
asleep  on  the  carpet  before  I  quitted  the  college,  and  faith,  my 
friend,  if  you  hadn't  the  taste  for  divarsion,  ye  would  not  be  out 
now.'  He  coughed  then  so  hard,  that  I  could  not  make  out  well 
what  he  said,  but  just  perceived  that  he  had  lost  his  way  on  the 
common,  and  was  a  little  disguised  in  liquor.  '  It's  a  good  man's 
case,'  said  I,  '  to  take  a  little  too  much,  though  it's  what  I  don't  ever 
do  myself;  so  take  a  hold  of  my  hand,  and  I'll  see  you  safe.'  I 
stretched  out  my  hand,  and  got  him,  not  by  the  arm,  as  I  hoped, 


148  HABR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

but  by  the  hair  of  the  head,  for  he  was  all  dripping  with  wet,  and 
had  lost  his  hat.  '  Well,  you'll  not  be  better  of  this  night's  excur- 
sion,' thought  I,  'if  ye  are  liable  to  the  rheumatism;  and  now, 
whereabouts  do  you  live,  my  friend  ?  for  I'll  see  you  safe  before  I 
leave  you.'  What  he  said  then  I  never  could  clearly  make  out,  for  the 
wind  and  rain  were  both  beating  so  hard  against  my  face,  that  I  could 
not  hear  a  word ;  however,  I  was  able  just  to  perceive  that  he  was 
very  much  disguised  in  drink,  and  spoke  rather  thick.  'Well,  never 
mind,'  said  I,  '  it's  not  a  time  of  day  for  much  conversation ;  so, 
come  along,  and  I'll  see  you  safe  to  the  guard-house,  if  you  can't 
remember  your  own  place  of  abode  in  the  meanwhile.'  It  was  just  at 
the  moment  I  said  this  that  I  first  discovered  he  was  not  a  gentleman. 
Well,  you'd  never  guess  how  I  did  it ;  and,  faith,  I  always  thought 
it  a  very  'cute  thing  of  me,  and  both  of  us  in  the  dark." 

"  Well,  I  really  confess  it  must  have  been  a  very  difficult  thing, 
under  the  circumstances ;  pray  how  did  you  contrive  ?"  said  the 
major. 

"  Just  guess  how." 

"  By  the  tone  of  his  voice,  perhaps,  and  his  accent,"  said  Curzon. 

"  Devil  a  bit ;  for  he  spoke  remarkably  well,  considering  how  far 
gone  he  was  in  liquor." 

"  Well,  probably,  by  the  touch  of  his  hand — no  bad  test." 

"  No  ;  you're  wrong  again,  for  it  was  by  the  hair  I  had  a  hold  of 
him  for  fear  of  falling,  for  he  was  always  stooping  down.  Well, 
you'd  never  guess  it ;  it  was  just  by  the  touch  of  his  foot." 

"  His  foot!     Why,  how  did  that  give  you  any  information ?" 

"  There  it  is  now  ;  that's  just  what  only  an  Irishman  would  ever 
have  made  anything  out  of;  for  while  he  was  stumbling  about,  he 
happened  to  tread  upoo  my  toes,  and  never  since  I  was  born  did  I 
feel  anything  like  the  weight  of  him.  *  Well,'  said  I,  '  the  loss  of 
your  hat  may  give  you  a  cold,  my  friend ;  but  upon  my  conscience 
you  are  in  no  danger  of  wet  feet  with  such  a  pair  of  strong  brogues 
as  you  have  on  you.'  Well,  he  laughed  at  that  till  I  thought  he'd 
split  his  sides,  and,  in  good  truth,  I  could  not  help  joining  in  the 
fun,  although  my  foot  was  smarting  like  mad,  and  so  we  jogged 
along  through  the  rain,  enjoying  the  joke  just  as  if  we  were  sitting 
by  a  good  fire,  with  a  jorum  of  punch  between  us.  I  am  sure  I 
can't  tell  you  how  often  we  fell  that  night,  but  my  clothes  the  next 
morning  wore  absolutely  covered  with  mud,  and  my  hat  crushed  in 
two;  for  he  was  so  confoundedly  drunk,  it  was  impossible  to  keep 
him  up,  and  he  always  kept  boring  along  with  his  head  down,  so 
that  my  heart  was  almost  broke  in  keeping  him  upon  his  legs.  I'm 
sure  I  never  had  a  more  fatiguing  man^h  in  the  whole  Peninsula 
than  that  blessed  mile  and  a  half;  but  every  misfortune  has  an  end 


MEMS.  OF  THE  NORTH  CORK.  149 

at  last,  and  it  was  four  o'clock,  striking  by  the  college  clock,  as  we 
reached  the  barracks.  After  knocking  a  couple  of  times,  and  giving 
the  countersign,  the  sentry  opened  the  small  wicket,  and  my  heart 
actually  leaped  with  joy  that  I  had  done  with  my  friend  ;  so  I  just 
called  out  the  sergeant  of  the  guard,  and  said,  '  Will  you  put  that 
poor  fellow  on  the  guard-bed  till  morning,  for  I  found  him  on  the 
common,  and  he  could  neither  find  his  way  home  nor  tell  me  where 
he  lived.'  '  And  where  is  he  ?'  said  the  sergeant,  '  He's  outside  the 
gate  there,'  said  I,  '  wet  to  the  skin,  and  shaking  as  if  he  had  the 
ague.'  '  And  is  this  him  V  said  the  sergeant,  as  he  went  outside. 
'  It  is,'  said  I ;  '  maybe  you  know  him  ?'  '  Maybe  I've  a  guess,'  said 
he,  bursting  into  a  fit  of  laughing,  that  I  thought  he'd  choke  with. 
'  Well,  sergeant,'  said  I,  '  I  always  took  you  for  a  humane  man ;  but 

if  that's  the  way  you  treat  a  fellow-creature  in  distress '     *A 

fellow-creature  1'  said  he,  laughing  louder  than  before.  'Ay,  a 
fellow-creature,'  said  I— for  the  sergeant  was  an  Orangeman—'  and 
if  he  difiers  from  you  in  matters  of  religion,  sure  he's  your  fellow- 
creature  still.'  'Troth,  doctor,  I  think  there's  another  trifling  dif- 
ference betune  us,'  said  he.  '  D—  your  politics,'  said  I ;  '  never  let 
them  interfere  with  true  humanity.'  Wasn't  I  right,  major?  '  Take 
good  care  of  him,  and  here's  half-a-crown  for  ye.'  So,  saying  these 
words,  I  steered  along  by  the  barrack  wall,  and,  after  a  little 
groping  about,  got  up  stairs  to  my  quarters,  when,  thanks  to  a 
naturally  good  constitution  and  regular  habits  of  life,  I  soon  fell 
fast  asleep." 

When  the  doctor  had  said  thus  much,  he  pushed  his  chair 
slightly  from  the  table,  and  taking  off  his  wine,  looked  about  hira 
with  the  composure  of  a  man  who  has  brought  his  tale  to  a  termi- 
nation. 

"  Well,  but,  doctor,"  said  the  major,  "  you  are  surely  not  done. 
You  have  not  yet  told  us  who  your  interesting  friend  turned  out 
to  be." 

"  That's  the  very  thing,  then,  I'm  not  able  to  do." 

"But,  of  course,"  said  another,  "your  story  does  not  end  there." 

"  And  where  the  devil  would  you  have  it  end  ?"  replied  he. 
"  Didn't  I  bring  my  hero  home,  and  go  asleep  afterwards  myself, 
and  then,  with  virtue  rewarded,  how  could  I  finish  it  better?" 

"  Oh,  of  course ;  but  still  you  have  not  accounted  for  a  principal 
character  in  the  narrative,"  said  I. 

"  Exactly  so,"  said  Curzon.  "  We  were  all  expecting  some  terri- 
ble catastrophe  in  the  morning;  that  your  companion  turned  out  to 
be  the  Duke  of  Leinster,  at  least — or  perhaps  a  rebel  general,  with 
an  immense  price  upon  his  head." 

"  Neither  the  one  nor  the  other,"  said  Fin,  dryly. 


150  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

"  And  do  you  mean  to  say  there  never  was  any  clue  to  the  dis- 
covery of  him  ?" 

"  The  entire  affair  is  wrapped  in  mystery  to  this  hour,"  said  he. 
"  There  was  a  joke  about  it,  to  be  sure,  among  the  officers ;  but  the 
North  Cork  never  wanted  something  to  laugh  at." 

"And  what  was  the  joke?"  said  several  voices  together. 

"  Just  a  complaint  from  old  Mickey  Oulahan,  the  postmaster,  to 
the  colonel  in  the  morning,  that  some  of  the  officers  took  away  his 
blind  mare  off  the  common,  and  that  the  letters  were  late  in  con- 
sequence." 

"And  so,  doctor,"  called  out  seven  or  eight,  "your  friend  turned 
out  to  be " 

"  Ui3on  my  conscience  they  said  so,  and  that  rascal,  the  sergeant, 
would  take  his  oath  of  it ;  but  my  own  impression  I'll  never  disclose 
to  the  hour  of  my  death." 


CHAPTER   XVI. 

THEATRICALS. 

^  UE,  Stance  at  the  mess  that  night  was  a  late  one,  for  after  we 
had  discussed  some  coopers  of  claret,  there  was  a  very  general 
public  feeling  in  favor  of  a  broiled  bone  and  some  devilled 
kidneys,  followed  by  a  very  ample  bowl  of  bishop,  over  which 
simple  condiments  we  talked  "  green-room"  till  near  the  break  of 
day. 

From  having  been  so  long  away  from  the  corps,  I  had  much  to 
learn  of  their  doings  and  intentions  to  do,  and  heard  with  much 
pleasure  that  they  possessed  an  exceedingly  handsome  theatre,  well 
stocked  with  scenery,  dresses,  and  decorations ;  that  they  were  at 
the  pinnacle  of  public  estimation,  from  what  they  had  already 
accomplished,  and  calculated  on  the  result  of  my  appearance  to 
crown  them  with  honor.  I  had,  indeed,  very  little  choice  left  me  in 
the  matter  ;  for  not  only  had  they  booked  me  for  a  particular  part, 
but  bills  were  already  in  circulation,  and  sundry  little  three-cornered 
notes  enveloping  them  were  sent  to  the  iliie  of  the  surrounding 
country,  setting  forth  that  "  on  Friday  evening  the  committee  of 
the  garrison  theatricals,  intending  to  perform  a  dress  rehearsal  of 

Tlie  Family  Party,  request  the  pleasure  of  Mr. and  Mrs.  's 

company  on  the  occasion.  Mr.  Lorroquer  will  undertake  the 
part  of  Cajitain  Beaugarde.  Supper  at  twelve.  An  answer  will 
oblige." 


THEATRICALS.  151 

The  sight  of  one  of  these  pleasant  little  epistles,  of  which  the 
foregoing  is  a  true  copy,  was  presented  to  me  as  a  great  favor  that 
evening,  it  having  been  agreed  upon  that  I  was  to  know  nothing  of 
their  high  and  mighty  resolves  till  the  following  morning.  It  was 
to  little  purpose  that  I  assured  them  all,  collectively  and  indi- 
vidually, that  of  Captain  Beaugarde  I  absolutely  knew  nothing — • 
had  never  read  the  piece,  nor  even  seen  it  performed.  I  felt,  too, 
that  my  last  appearance  in  character  in  a  "  Family  Party"  was  any- 
thing but  successful ;  and  I  trembled  lest  in  the  discussion  of  the 
Bubject  some  confounded  allusion  to  my  adventure  at  Cheltenham 
might  come  out.  Happily  they  seemed  all  ignorant  of  this ;  and 
fearing  to  bring  conversation  in  any  way  to  the  matter  of  my  late 
travels,  I  fell  in  with  their  humor,  and  agreed  that  if  it  were  possible 
in  the  limited  time  allowed  me  to  manage  it — I  had  but  four  days — 
I  should  undertake  the  character.  My  concurrence  failed  to  give 
the  full  satisfaction  I  expected,  and  they  so  habitually  did  what 
they  pleased  with  me,  that  like  all  men  so  disposed,  I  never  got  the 
credit  for  concession  which  a  man  more  niggardly  of  his  services 
may  always  command. 

"  To  be  sure  you  will  do  it,  Harry,"  said  the  major ;  "  why  not  ?  I 
could  learn  the  thing  myself  in  a  couple  of  hours,  as  for  that." 

Now,  be  it  known  that  the  aforesaid  major  was  so  incorrigibly 
slow  of  study,  and  dull  of  comprehension,  that  he  had  been  succes- 
sively degraded  at  our  theatrical  board  from  the  delivering  of  a 
stage  message  to  the  office  of  check-taker. 

"  He's  so  devilish  good  in  the  love  scene,"  said  the  junior  ensign, 
with  the  white  eyebrows.  "  I  say,  Curzon,  you'll  be  confoundedly 
jealous  though,  for  he  is  to  play  with  Fanny." 

"  I  rather  think  not,"  said  Curzon,  who  was  a  little  tipsy. 

"  Oh,  yes,"  said  Frazer,  "  Hepton  is  right.  Lorrequer  has  Fanny 
for  his  prcmil^re;  and,  upon  my  soul,  I  should  feel  tempted  to  take 
the  part  myself  upon  the  same  terms ;  though  I  verily  believe  I 
should  forget  I  was  acting,  and  make  fierce  love  to  her  on  the 
stage." 

"And  who  may  la  eharmante  Fanny  be?"  said  I,  with  something 
of  the  air  of  the  "  Dcy  of  Algiers  "  in  my  tone. 

"  Let  Curzon  tell  him,"  said  several  voices  together ;  "  he  is  the 
only  man  to  do  justice  to  such  perfection." 

"  Quiz  away,  my  merry  men,"  said  Curzon ;  "  all  I  know  is,  that 
you  are  a  confoundedly  envious  set  of  fellows;  and  if  so  lovely  a 
girl  had  thrown  her  eyes  on  one  among.st  you " 

"Hip!  hipl  hurrah!"  said  old  Fitzgerald,  "Curzon  is  a  gone 
man.  He'll  be  off  to  the  palace  for  a  license  some  fine  morning,  or 
I  know  nothing  of  such  matters." 


152  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  VER. 

"  Well,  but,"  said  I,  "  if  matters  are  really  as  you  all  say,  why 
does  not  Curzon  take  the  part  you  destine  for  me  ?" 

"  We  dare  not  trust  him,"  said  the  major ;  "  Lord  bless  you,  when 
the  call-boy  would  sing  out  for  Captain  Beaugarde  in  the  second 
act,  we'd  find  that  he  had  levanted  with  our  best  slashed  trousers, 
and  a  bird-of-paradise  feather  in  his  cap." 

"  Well,"  thought  I,  "  this  is  better  at  least  than  I  anticipated,  for 
if  nothing  else  offers,  I  shall  have  rare  fun  teasing  my  friend 
Charley" — for  it  was  evident  that  he  had  been  caught  by  the  lady 
in  question. 

"  And  so  you'll  stay  with  us ;  give  me  your  hand — you  are  a  real 
trump."  These  words,  which  proceeded  from  a  voice  at  the  lower 
end  of  the  table,  were  addressed  to  my  friend  Finucane. 

"  I'll  stay  with  ye,  upon  my  conscience,"  said  Fin ;  "  ye  have  a 
most  seductive  way  about  ye,  and  a  very  superior  taste  in  milk 
punch." 

"  But,  doctor,"  said  I,  "  you  must  not  be  a  drone  in  the  hive ; 
what  will  ye  do  for  us?  You  should  be  a  capital  Sir  Lucius 
O'Trigger,  if  we  could  get  up  The  Rivals,'" 

"  My  forte  is  the  drum — the  big  drum  ;  put  me  among  what  the 
Greeks  call  the  '  mousikoi,'  and  I'll  astonish  ye." 

It  was  at  once  agreed  that  Fin  should  follow  the  bent  of  his 
genius ;  and  after  some  other  arrangements  for  the  rest  of  the  party, 
we  separated  for  the  night,  having  previously  toasted  the  "  Fanny," 
to  which  Curzon  attempted  to  reply,  but  sank,  overpowered  by 
punch  and  feelings,  and  looked  unutterable  things,  without  the 
power  to  frame  a  sentence. 

During  the  time  which  intervened  between  the  dinner  and  the 
night  appointed  for  our  rehearsal,  I  had  more  business  upon  my 
hands  than  a  Chancellor  of  the  Exchequer  the  week  of  the  budget 
being  produced.  The  whole  management  of  every  department  fell, 
as  usual,  to  my  share,  and  all  those  who,  previously  to  my  arrival, 
had  contributed  their  quota  of  labor,  did  nothing  whatever  now  but 
lounge  about  the  stage,  or  sit  half  the  day  in  the  orchestra,  listening 
to  some  confounded  story  of  Finucane's,  who  contrived  to  have  an 
everlasting  mob  of  actors,  scene-painters,  fiddlers,  and  call-boys 
always  about  him,  who,  from  their  uproarious  mirth,  and  repeated 
shouts  of  merriment,  nearly  drove  me  distracted,  as  I  stood  almost 
alone  and  unassisted  in  the  whole  management.  Of  la  belle  Fanny, 
all  I  learned  was,  that  she  was  a  professional  actress  of  very  con- 
siderable talent,  and  extremely  pretty  ;  that  Curzon  had  fiillen  des- 
perately in  love  with  her  the  only  night  she  bad  appeared  on  the 
boards  there ;  and  that,  to  avoid  his  absurd  persecution  of  her,  she 
had  determined  not  to  come  into  town  until  the  morning  of  the  re- 


THEATRICALS.  153 

hearsal,  she  being  at  that  time  on  a  visit  to  the  house  of  a  country 
gentleman  in  the  ueigliborhood.  Here  was  a  new  difficulty  I  had  to 
contend  with — to  go  through  my  part  alone  was  out  of  the  question 
to  making  it  effective ;  and  1  felt  so  worried  and  harassed,  that  I 
often  fairly  resolved  on  taking  the  wings  of  the  mail,  and  flying 
away  to  the  uttermost  parts  of  the  south  of  Ireland,  till  all  was  still 
and  tranquil  again.  By  degrees,  however,  I  got  matters  into  better 
train,  and  by  getting  over  our  rehearsal  early  before  Fin  appeared, 
as  he  usually  slept  somewhat  later  after  his  night  at  mess,  I  man- 
aged to  have  things  in  something  like  order;  he  and  his  confounded 
drum,  which,  whenever  he  was  not  story-telling,  he  was  sure  to  be 
practising  on,  being,  in  fact,  the  greatest  difficulties  opposed  to  my 
managerial  functions.  One  property  he  possessed,  so  totally  at 
variance  with  all  habits  of  order,  that  it  completely  baffled  me.  So 
numerous  were  his  narratives,  that  no  occasion  could  possibly  arise, 
no  chance  expression  be  let  fall  on  the  stage,  but  Fin  had  some- 
thing he  deemed  d  propos,  and  which,  sans  far  on,  he  at  once  related 
for  the  benefit  of  all  whom  it  might  concern  ;  that  was  usually  the 
entire  corps  dramatique,  who  eagerly  turned  from  stage  directions  and 
groupings,  to  laugh  at  his  ridiculous  jests.  I  shall  give  an  instance 
of  this  habit  of  interruption,  and  let  the  unhappy  wight  who  has 
filled  such  an  office  as  mine  pity  my  woes. 

I  was  standing  one  morning  on  the  stage,  drilling  my  corps  as 
usual.  One  most  refractory  spirit,  to  whom  but  a  few  words  were 
entrusted,  and  who  bungled  even  those,  I  was  endeavoring  to  train 
into  something  like  his  part. 

"  Come,  now,  Elsmore,  try  it  again — -just  so.  Yes,  come  forward 
in  this  manner — take  her  hand  tenderly — press  it  to  your  lips ; 
retreat  towards  the  flat,  and  then  bowing  deferentially — thus,  say 
'  Good  night,  good  night; '  that's  very  simple,  eh ?  Well,  now,  that's 
all  you  have  to  do,  and  that  brings  you  over  here ;  so  you  make  your 
exit  at  once." 

"  Exactly  so,  Mr.  Elsmore ;  always  contrive  to  be  near  the  door 
under  such  circumstances.  That  was  the  way  with  my  poor  friend 
Curran.  Poor  Philpot,  when  he  dined  with  the  Guild  of  Merchant 
Tailors,  they  gave  him  a  gold  box  with  their  arms  upon  it — a  goose 
proper,  with  needles  saltier-wise,  or  something  of  that  kind ;  and 
they  made  him  free  of  their  '  ancient  and  loyal  corporation,'  and 
gave  him  a  very  grand  dinner.  Well,  Curran  was  mighty  pleasant 
and  agreeable,  and  kept  them  laughing  all  niglit,  till  the  moment 
he  rose  to  go  away,  and  then  he  told  them  that  he  never  spent  so 
hapjjy  an  evening,  and  all  that.  '  But,  gentlemen,'  said  he,  *  business 
has  its  calls;  I  must  tear  myself  away ;  so  wishing  you  now' — there 
were  just  eighteen  of  them — *  wishing  you  now  every  happiness  and 


154  BARRY  LORREQUER. 

prosperity,  permit  me  to  take  my  leave' — and  here  he  stole  near  the 
door — '  to  take  my  leave,  and  bid  you  both  good  night.'  "  With  a 
running  fire  of  such  stories,  it  may  be  supposed  how  difficult  was 
my  task  in  getting  anything  done  upon  the  stage. 

Well,  at  last  the  long-expected  Friday  arrived,  and  I  rose  in  the 
morning  with  all  that  peculiar  tourbillon  of  spirits  that  a  man  feels 
when  he  is  half  pleased  and  whole  frightened  with  the  labor  before 
him.  I  had  scarcely  accomplished  dressing  when  a  servant  tapped 
at  my  door,  and  begged  to  know  if  I  could  spare  a  few  moments  to 
speak  to  Miss  Ersler,  who  was  in  the  drawing-room.  I  replied,  of 
course,  in  the  affirmative,  and,  rightly  conjecturing  that  my  fair 
friend  must  be  the  lovely  Fanny  already  alluded  to,  followed  the 
servant  down  stairs. 

"  Mr.  Lorrequer,"  said  the  servant,  and,  closing  the  door  behind 
me,  left  me  in  sole  possession  of  the  lady. 

"  Will  you  do  me  the  favor  to  sit  here,  Mr.  Lorrequer  ?"  said  one 
of  the  sweetest  voices  in  the  world,  as  she  made  room  for  me  on  the 
sofa  beside  her.  "  I  am  particularly  short-sighted ;  so  pray  sit  near 
me,  as  I  really  cannot  talk  to  any  one  I  don't  see." 

I  blundered  out  some  jjlatitude  of  a  compliment  to  her  eyes — the 
fullest  and  most  lovely  blue  that  ever  man  gazed  into — at  which 
she  smiled  as  if  pleased,  and  continued,  "  Now,  Mr.  Lorrequer,  I 
have  really  been  longing  for  your  coming;  for  your  friends  of  the 
4 — th  are  doubtless  very  dashing  spirited  young  gentlemen,  perfectly 
versed  in  war's  alarms ;  but  pardon  me  if  I  say  that  a  more  wretched 
company  of  strolling  players  never  graced  a  barn.  Now,  come, 
don't  be  angry,  but  let  me  proceed.  Like  all  amateur  people,  they 
have  the  happy  knack,  in  distributing  the  characters,  to  put  every 
man  in  his  most  unsuitable  position ;  and  then  that  poor  dear  thing, 
Curzon — I  hope  he  is  not  a  friend  of  yours — by  some  dire  fatality 
always  plays  the  lover's  parts,  ha !  ha  1  ha  I  True,  I  assure  you,  so 
that  if  you  had  not  been  announced  as  coming  this  week,  I  should 
have  left  them  and  gone  off  to  Bath." 

Here  she  rose  and  adjusted  her  brown  ringlets  at  the  glass,  giving 
me  ample  time  to  admire  one  of  the  most  perfect  figures  I  ever 
beheld.  She  was  most  becomingly  dressed,  and  betrayed  a  foot  and 
ankle  which  for  symmetry  and  "  smallness"  might  have  challenged 
the  Rue  Rivoli  itself  to  match  it. 

My  first  thought  was  poor  Curzon ;  my  second,  happy  and  thrice 
fortunate  Harry  Lorrequer.  There  was  no  time,  however,  for  indul- 
gence in  such  very  pardonable  gratulation  ;  so  I  at  once  proceeded, 
pour  f aire  Vaimahle,  to  profess  my  utter  inability  to  do  justice  to  her 
undoubted  talents,  but  slyly  added  "  that  in  the  love-making  part 
of  the  matter  she  should  never  be  able  to  discover  that  I  was  not 


THEATRICALS.  155 

in  earnest."  We  chatted  then  gayly  for  upwards  of  an  hour,  until 
the  arrival  of  her  friend's  carriage  was  announced,  when  tendering 
me  most  graciously  her  hand,  she  smiled  benignly,  and  saying, 
"Au  revoir,  done,"  drove  off. 

As  I  stood  upon  the  steps  of  the  hotel,  viewing  her  "  out  of  the 
visible  horizon,"  I  was  joined  by  Curzon,  who  evidently,  from  his 
self-satisfied  air  and  jaunty  gait,  little  knew  how  he  stood  in  the 
fair  Fanny's  estimation. 

"  Very  pretty,  very  pretty,  indeed,  deeper,  and  deeper  still,"  cried 
he,  alluding  to  my  most  courteous  salutation  as  the  carriage  rounded 
the  corner,  and  its  lovely  occupant  kissed  her  hand  once  more.  "  I 
say,  Harry,  my  friend,  you  don't  think  that  was  meant  for  you,  I 
should  hope?" 

"  What  I  the  kiss  of  the  hand  ?    Yes,  faith,  but  I  do." 

"Well,  certainly  that  is  good  I  why,  man,  she  just  saw  me  coming 
up  that  instant.  She  and  I — we  understand  each  other — never  mind, 
don't  be  cross — no  fault  of  yours,  you  know." 

"  Ah,  so  she  is  taken  with  you,"  said  1.     "  Eh,  Charley?" 

"Why,  I  believe  that.  I  may  confess  to  you  the  real  state  of 
matters.  She  was  devilishly  struck  with  me  the  first  time  we 
rehearsed  together.  We  soon  got  up  a  little  flirtation;  but  the 
other  night,  when  I  played  Mirabel  to  her,  it  finished  the  affair. 
She  was  quite  nervous,  and  could  scarcely  go  througli  with  her  part. 
I  saw  it,  and  upon  my  soul  I  am  sorry  for  it ;  she's  a  prodigiously 
fine  girl — such  lips  and  such  teeth  I  Egad,  I  was  delighted  when 
you  came ;  for,  you  see,  I  was  in  a  manner  obliged  to  take  one  line 
of  character,  and  I  saw  pretty  plainly  where  it  must  end ;  and  you 
know  with  you  it's  quite  different ;  she'll  laugh  and  chat,  and  all  that 
sort  of  thing,  but  she'U  not  be  carried  away  by  her  feelings ;  you 
understand  me?" 

"Oh,  perfectly;  it's  quite  different,  as  you  observed." 

If  I  had  not  been  supported  internally  during  this  short  dialogue 
by  the  recently-expressed  opinion  of  the  dear  Fanny  herself  upon 
my  friend  Curzon's  merits,  I  think  I  should  have  been  tempted  to 
take  the  liberty  of  wringing  his  neck  off.  However,  the  affair  was 
much  better  as  it  stood,  as  I  had  only  to  wait  a  little  with  proper 
patience,  and  I  had  no  fears  but  that  my  friend  Charley  would 
become  the  hero  of  a  very  pretty  episode  for  the  mess. 

"  So  I  suppose  you  must  feel  considerably  bored  by  this  kind  of 
thing,"  I  said,  endeavoring  to  draw  him  out. 

"  Why,  I  do,"  replied  he,  "  and  I  do  not.  The  girl  is  very  pretty.  The 
place  is  dull  in  the  morning;  and  altogether  it  helps  to  fill  uptime." 

"  Well,"  said  I,  "  you  are  always  fortunate,  Curzon.  You  have 
ever  your  share  of  what  floating  luck  the  world  afibrds." 


156  HARE  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

"  It  is  not  exactly  all  luck,  my  dear  friend ;  for,  as  I  shall  explain 
to  you " 

"  Not  now,"  replied  I,  "  for  I  have  not  yet  breakfasted."  So 
saying,  I  turned  into  the  coflee-room,  leaving  the  worthy  adjutant 
to  revel  in  his  fancied  conquest,  and  pity  such  unfortunates  as 
myself. 

After  an  early  dinner  at  the  club-house,  I  hastened  down  to  the 
theatre,  where  numerous  preparations  for  the  night  were  going 
forward.  The  green-room  was  devoted  to  the  office  of  a  supper- 
room,  to  which  the  audience  had  been  invited.  The  dressing-rooms 
were  many  of  them  filled  with  the  viands  destined  for  the  entertain- 
ment, where,  among  the  wooden  fowls  and  "  impracticable"  flagons, 
were  to  be  seen  very  imposing  pasties  and  flasks  of  champagne, 
littered  together  in  most  admirable  disorder.  The  confusion  natu- 
rally incidental  to  all  private  theatricals  was  tenfold  increased  by 
the  circumstances  of  our  projected  supper.  Cooks  and  scene- 
shifters,  fiddlers  and  waiters,  were  most  inextricably  mingled;  as  in 
all  similar  cases,  the  least  important  functionaries  took  the  greatest 
airs  upon  them,  and  appropriated  without  hesitation  whatever  came 
to  their  hands ;  thus,  the  cook  would  not  have  scrupled  to  light  a 
fire  with  the  violoncello  of  the  orchestra ;  and  I  actually  caught 
one  of  the  "  marmitons"  making  a  "  souffle"  in  a  brass  helmet  I  had 
once  worn  when  astonishing  the  world  as  Coriolanus. 

Six  o'clock  struck.  "  In  another  short  hour  we  begin,"  thought 
I,  with  a  sinking  heart,  as  I  looked  upon  the  littered  stage  crowded 
with  hosts  of  fellows  that  had  nothing  to  do  there.  Figaro  himself 
never  wished  for  ubiquity  more  than  I  did,  as  I  hastened  from  place 
to  place,  entreating,  cursing,  begging,  scolding,  execrating  and  im- 
ploring by  turns.  To  mend  the  matter,  the  devils  in  the  orchestra 
had  begun  to  tune  their  instruments,  and  I  had  to  bawl  like  a  boat- 
swain of  a  man-of-war  to  be  heard  by  the  person  beside  me. 

As  seven  o'clock  struck,  I  peeped  through  the  small  aperture  in 
the  curtain,  and  saw,  to  my  satisfiiction — mingled,  I  confess,  with 
fear — that  the  house  was  nearly  filled,  the  lower  tier  of  boxes  entirely 
so.  There  were  a  great  many  ladies  handsomely  dressed,  chatting 
gayly  with  their  chaperons,  and  I  recognized  some  of  my  acquaint- 
ances on  every  side  ;  in  fact  there  was  scarcely  a  family  of  rank  in 
the  county  that  had  not  at  least  some  member  of  it  present.  As 
the  orchestra  struck  up  the  overture  to  Don  Giovanni,  I  retired  from 
my  place  to  inspect  the  arrangements  behind. 

Before  the  performance  of  The  Family  Party  we  were  to  have  a 
little  one-act  piece  called  A  Day  in  Madrid,  written  by  myself— the 
principal  characters  being  expressly  composed  for  "  Miss  Erslcr  and 
Mr,  Lorrcqucr." 


THEATRICALS.  157 

The  story  of  this  trifle  it  is  not  necessary  to  allude  to;  indeed,  if 
it  were,  I  sliould  scarcely  have  patience  to  do  so,  so  connected  is  my 
recollection  of  it  with  the  distressing  incident  which  followed. 

In  the  first  scene  of  the  piece,  the  curtain  rising  displays  la  belle 
Fanny  sitting  at  her  embroidery  in  the  midst  of  a  beautiful  garden, 
surrounded  with  statues,  fountains,  &c. ;  at  the  back  is  seen  a  pavil- 
ion in  the  ancient  Moorish  style  of  architecture,  over  which  hang 
the  branches  of  some  large  and  shady  trees.  She  comes  forward, 
expressing  her  impatience  at  the  delay  of  her  lover,  whose  absence 
she  tortures  herself  to  account  for  by  a  hundred  different  suppo- 
sitions, and  after  a  very  sufficient  expo^^  of  her  feelings,  and  some 
little  explanatory  details  of  her  private  history,  conveying  a  very 
clear  intimation  of  her  own  amiability  and  her  guardian's  cruelty, 
she  proceeds,  after  the  fashion  of  other  young  ladies  similarly 
situated,  to  give  utterance  to  her  feelings  by  a  song ;  after,  there- 
fore, a  suitable  prelude  from  the  orchestra,  for  which,  considering 
the  impassioned  state  of  her  mind,  she  waits  patiently,  she  comes 
forward  and  begins  a  melody, — 

" Oh,  why  Is  he  far  from  the  heart  that  adores  him?" 

in  which,  for  two  verses,  she  proceeds  with  sundry  sol  feggi  to 
account  for  the  circumstances,  and  show  her  own  disbelief  of  the 
explanation  in  a  very  satisfactory  manner ;  meanwhile — for  I  must 
not  expose  my  reader  to  an  anxiety  on  my  account,  similar  to  what 
the  dear  Fanny  here  labored  under — I  was  making  the  necessary 
preparations  for  flying  to  her  presence,  and  clasping  her  to  my 
heart — that  is  to  say,  I  had  already  gummed  on  a  pair  of  mus- 
tachios,  had  corked  and  arched  a  ferocious  pair  of  eyebrows,  which, 
with  my  rouged  cheeks,  gave  me  a  look  of  half  Whiskcrando,  half 
Grimaldi ;  these  operations  were  performed,  from  the  stress  of  cir- 
cumstances, sufficiently  near  the  object  of  my  affections  to  afford 
me  the  pleasing  satisfaction  of  hearing  from  her  own  sweet  lips 
her  solicitude  about  me — in  a  word,  all  the  dressing-rooms  but  two 
being  filled  with  hampers  of  provisions,  glass,  china,  and  crockery, 
and  from  absolute  necessity,  I  had  no  other  spot  where  I  could 
attire  myself  unseen,  except  in  the  identical  pavilion  already 
alluded  to.  Here,  however,  I  was  quite  secure,  and  had  abundant 
time  also,  for  I  was  not  to  appear  till  scene  the  second,  when  I  was 
to  come  forward  in  full  Spanish  costume,  "  every  inch  an  hidalgo." 
Meantime,  Fanny  had  been  singing — 

"  Oh,  why  is  he  far,"  Ac.  Ac. 

At  the  conclusion  of  the  last  verse,  just  as  she  repeats  the  words 
"Why,  why,  why,"  in  a  very  distracted  and  melting  cadence,  a 


158  II A  RRY  L  ORE  EQ  VER. 

voice  behind  startles  her;  she  turns  and  beholds  her  guardian — 
BO  at  least  run  the  course  of  events  in  the  real  drama ;  that  it  should 
follow  thus  now,  however,  Diis  aliter  visum — for  just  as  she  came 
to  the  very  moving  apostrophe  alluded  to,  and  called  out,  "  Why 
comes  he  not?"  a  gruff  voice  from  behind  answered,  in  a  strong 
Cork  brogue,  "  Ah  I  would  ye  have  him  come  in  a  state  of  nature  ?" 
At  the  instant  a  loud  whistle  ran  through  the  house,  and  the 
pavilion  scene  slowly  drew  up,  discovering  me,  Harry  Lorrequer, 
seated  on  a  small  stool  before  a  cracked  looking-glass,  my  only 
habiliments,  as  I  am  an  honest  man,  being  a  pair  of  long  white 
silk  stockings,  and  a  very  richly-embroidered  shirt  with  point-lace 
collar.  The  shouts  of  laughter  are  yet  in  my  ears,  the  loud  roar 
of  inextinguishable  mirth,  which,  after  the  first  brief  pause  of 
astonishment  gave  way,  shook  the  entire  building.  My  recollection 
may  well  have  been  confused  at  such  a  moment  of  unutterable  shame 
and  misery ;  yet  I  clearly  remember  seeing  Fanny,  the  sweet  Fanny 
herself,  fall  into  an  arm-chair  nearly  suffocated  with  convulsions  of 
laughter.  I  cannot  go  on  ;  what  I  did  I  know  not.  I  suppose  my 
exit  was  additionally  ludicrous,  for  a  new  iclat  de  rire  followed  me 
out.  I  rushed  out  of  the  theatre,  and  wrapping  only  my  cloak 
round  me,  ran  without  stopping  to  the  barracks.  But  I  must  cease ; 
these  are  woes  too  sacred  for  even  "  Confessions"  like  mine,  so  let 
me  close  the  curtain  of  my  room  and  my  chapter  together,  and 
say  adieu  for  a  season. 


CHAPTER    XVII. 

THE  WAGEB. 

IT  might  have  been  about  six  weeks  after  the  events  detailed  in 
my  last  chapter  had  occurred  that  Curzon  broke  suddenly  into 
my  room  one  morning  before  I  had  risen,  and  throwing  a  pre- 
cautionary glance  around,  as  if  to  assure  himself  that  we  were  alone, 
seized  my  hand  with  a  most  unusual  earnestness,  and,  steadfastly 
looking  at  me,  said, — 

"  Harry  Lorrequer,  will  you  stand  by  me?" 

So  sudden  and  unexpected  was  his  appearance  at  the  moment, 
that  I  really  felt  but  half  awake,  and  kept  puzzling  myself  for  an 
explanation  of  the  scene  rather  than  tliinkiiig  of  a  reply  to  his 
question ;  perceiving  which,  and  auguring  but  badly  from  my 
silence,  he  continued, — "  Am  I  then  really  deceived  in  what  I  be- 
lieved to  be  an  old  and  tried  friend  ?" 


THE  WAGER.  159 

"  "Why,  wliat  the  devil's  the  matter  ?"  I  cried  out.  "  If  you  arc  in 
a  scrape,  why,  of  course  you  know  I'm  your  man ;  but,  still,  it's  only 
fair  to  let  one  know  something  of  the  matter  in  the  meanwhile." 

"  In  a  scrape  1"  said  he,  w'ith  a  long-drawn  sigh,  intended  to  beat 
the  whole  Minerva  press  in  its  romantic  cadence. 

"Well,  but  get  on  a  bit,"  said  T,  rather  impatiently;  "who  is 
the  fellow  you've  got  the  row  with  ?     Not  one  of  ours,  I  trust  ?" 

"Ah,  my  dear  Hal,"  said  he,  in  the  same  melting  tone  as  before, 
"  how  your  imagination  does  run  upon  rows,  and  broils,  and  duelling 
rencontres"  (he  the  speaker,  be  it  known  to  the  reader,  was  the  fire- 
eater  of  the  regiment),  "  as  if  life  had  nothing  better  to  offer  than 
the  excitement  of  a  challenge,  or  the  mock  heroism  of  a  meeting." 

As  he  made  a  dead  pause  here,  after  which  he  showed  no  disposi- 
tion to  continue,  I  merely  added, — 

"  Well,  at  this  rate  of  proceeding,  we  shall  got  at  the  matter  ia 
hand  on  our  way  out  to  Corfu,  for  I  hear  we  are  the  next  regiment 
for  the  Mediterranean." 

The  observation  seemed  to  have  some  effect  in  rousing  him  from 
his  lethargy,  and  he  added, — 

"  If  you  only  knew  the  nature  of  the  attachment,  and  how  com- 
pletely all  my  future  hopes  are  concerned  U{)on  the  issue " 

"  Ho !"  said  I,  "  so  it's  a  money  affair,  is  it?  and  is  it  old  Watson 
has  issued  the  writ?    I'll  bet  a  hundred  on  it." 

"Well,  upon  my  soul,  Lorrequer,"  said  he,  jumping  from  his 
chair,  and  speaking  with  more  energy  than  he  had  before  evinced, 
"  you  are,  without  exception,  the  most  worldly-minded,  cold-blooded 
fellow  I  ever  met.  What  have  I  said  that  could  have  led  you  to 
suppose  I  had  either  a  duel  or  a  lawsuit  upon  my  hands  this  morn- 
ing? Learn,  once  and  for  all,  man,  that  I  am  in  love— desperately 
and  over  head  and  ears  in  love." 

"j;^ot.?"  said  I  coolly. 

"And  intend  to  marry  immediately." 

"  Oh,  very  well,"  said  I ;  "  the  fighting  and  debt  will  come  later, 
that's  all.     But  to  return — now  for  the  lady." 

"  Come,  you  must  make  a  guess." 

"Why,  then,  I  really  must  confess  my  utter  inability;  for  your 
attentions  have  been  so  generally  and  impartially  distributed  since 
our  arrival  here,  tluit  it  may  be  any  fair  one,  from  your  venerable 
partner  at  whist  last  evening,  to  Mrs.  Henderson,  the  pastry-cook, 
inclusive,  for  whose  macaroni  and  cherry-brandy  your  feelings  have 
been  as  warm  as  they  are  constant." 

"Come,  no  more  quizzing,  Hal.  You  surely  must  have  re- 
marked that  lovely  girl  I  waltzed  with  at  Powers'  ball  on  Tuesday 
last." 


160  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

"  Lovely  girl  1  Why,  in  all  seriousness,  you  don't  mean  the 
small  woman  with  the  tow  wig?" 

"  No,  I  do  not  mean  any  such  thing,  but  a  beautiful  creature, 
with  the  brightest  locks  in  Christendom — the  very  light-brown 
waving  ringlets  Domenichino  loved  to  paint,  and  a  foot — did  you 
see  her  foot?" 

"  No ;  that  was  rather  difficult,  for  she  kept  continually  bobbing 
up  and  down,  like  a  boy's  cork-float  in  a  fishpond." 

"  Stop  there.  I  shall  not  permit  this  any  longer — I  came  not 
here  to  listen  to " 

"But,  Curzon,  my  boy,  you're  not  angry?" 

"  Yes,  sir,  I  am  angry." 

"  Why,  surely,  you  have  not  been  serious  all  this  time  ?" 

"  And  why  not,  pray  ?" 

"  Oh  I  I  don't  exactly  know — that  is,  faith,  I  scarcely  thought 
you  were  in  earnest,  for  if  I  did,  of  course  I  should  honestly  have 
confessed  to  you  that  the  lady  in  question  struck  me  as  one  of  the 
handsomest  persons  I  ever  met." 

"You  think  so  really,  Hal?" 

"  Certainly  I  do,  and  the  opinion  is  not  mine  alone ;  she  is,  in 
fact,  universally  admired." 

"  Come,  Harry,  excuse  my  bad  temper.  I  ought  to  have  known 
you  better — give  me  your  hand,  old  boy,  and  wish  me  joy,  for  with 
your  aiding  and  abetting,  she  is  mine  to-morrow  morning." 

I  wrung  his  hand  heartily — congratulating  myself,  meanwhile, 
how  happily  I  had  got  out  of  my  scrape ;  as  I  now,  for  the  first 
time,  perceived  that  Curzon  was  actually  in  earnest. 

"  So  you  will  stand  by  me,  Hal  ?"  said  he. 

"  Of  course.  Only  show  me  how,  and  I'm  perfectly  at  your  service. 
Anything  from  riding  ])ostilion  on  the  leaders  to  ofiiciating  as 
bridesmaid,  and  I  am  your  man.  And  if  you  are  in  want  of  such 
a  functionary,  I  shall  stand  in  loco  parentis  to  the  lady,  and  give  her 
away  with  as  much  unction  and  tenderness  as  though  I  had  as  many 
marriageable  daughters  as  King  Priam  himself.  It  is  with  me  in 
marriage  as  in  duelling — I'll  be  anything  rather  than  a  principal  ; 
and  I  have  long  since  disapproved  of  either  method  as  a  means  of 
*  obtaining  satisfaction.'  " 

"  Ah,  Harry,  I  shall  not  be  discouraged  by  your  sneers.  You've 
been  rather  unlucky,  I'm  aware ;  but  now  to  return.  Your  office 
on  this  occasion  is  an  exceedingly  simple  one,  and  yet  that  which 
I  could  only  confide  to  one  as  much  my  friend  as  yourself.  You 
must  carry  my  dearest  Louisa  off." 

"  Carry  her  off!    Where  ?— when  ?— how  ?" 

"  All  that  I  have  already  arranged,  as  you  shall  hear." 


THE   WAGER.  161 

'•Yes.  But  flri=it  of  all  please  to  explain  why,  if  going  to  run 
away  with  the  lady,  you  don't  accompany  her  yourself." 

"  Ah  I  I  knew  you  would  say  that :  I  could  have  laid  a  wager 
you'd  ask  that  question,  for  it  is  just  that  very  explanation  will 
show  all  the  native  delicacy  and  feminine  propriety  of  my  darling 
Loo ;  and  first,  I  must  tell  you  that  old  Sir  Alfred  Jonson,  her 
father,  has  some  confounded  prejudice  against  the  army,  and  never 
w^ould  consent  to  her  marriage  with  a  red-coat ;  so  that  his  consent 
heing  out  of  the  question,  our  only  resource  is  an  elopement.  Louisa 
consents  to  this,  hut  only  upon  one  condition,  and  this  she  insists 
upon  so  firmly — I  had  almost  said  obstinately  —  that,  notwith- 
standing all  my  arguments  and  representations,  and  even  entreaties 
against  it,  she  remains  inflexible ;  so  that  I  have  at  length  yielded, 
and  she  is  to  have  her  own  way." 

"  Well,  and  what  is  the  condition  she  lays  such  stress  upon  ?" 

"Simply  this,  that  we  are  never  to  travel  a  mile  together  until  I 
obtain  my  right  to  do  so  by  making  her  my  wife.  She  has  got  some 
trumpery  notions  in  her  head  that  any  slight  transgression  over  the 
bounds  of  delicacy  made  by  women  before  marriage  is  ever  after 
remembered  by  the  husband  to  their  disadvantage,  and  she  is  there- 
fore resolved  not  to  sacrifice  her  principle  even  at  such  a  crisis  as 
the  present." 

"  All  very  proper,  I  have  no  doubt ;  but  still,  pray  explain  what  I 
confess  appears  somewhat  strange  to  me  at  present.  How  does  so 
very  delicately-minded  a  person  reconcile  herself  to  travelling  with 
a  perfect  stranger  under  such  circumstances?" 

"  That  I  can  explain  perfectly  to  you.  You  must  know  that  when 
my  darling  Loo  commenced  to  take  this  step,  which  I  induced  her 
to  do  with  the  greatest  difficulty,  she  made  the  proviso  I  have  just 
mentioned ;  I  at  once  showed  her  that  I  had  no  maiden  aunt  or 
married  sister  to  confide  her  to  at  such  a  moment,  and  what  was  to 
be  done?  She  immediately  replied,  '  Have  you  no  elderly  brother 
officer,  whose  years  and  discretion  will  put  the  transaction  in  such 
a  light  as  to  silence  the  slanderous  tongues  of  the  world,  for  with 
such  a  man  I  am  quite  ready  and  willing  to  trust  myself  You  see 
I  was  hard  pushed  there.  What  could  I  do? — whom  could  I  select? 
Old  Hayes,  the  paymaster,  is  always  tipsy  ;  Jones  is  five-and-forty — 
but  still,  if  he  found  out  there  was  thirty  thousand  pounds  in  the 
case,  egad  I  I'm  not  so  sure  I'd  have  found  my  betrothed  at  the  end 
of  the  stage.  You  were  my  only  hope :  I  knew  I  could  rely  upon 
you.  You  would  carry  on  the  whole  affiiirwith  tact  and  discretion; 
and  as  to  age,  your  stage  experience  would  enable  you,  with  a  little 
assistance  from  costume,  to  pass  muster ;  besides  that,  I  have  always 
represented  you  as  the  very  Methuselah  of  the  corps ;  and  in  tho 
11 


162  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

gray  dawn  of  an  autumnal  morning — with  maiden  bashfulnesa 
assisting — the  scrutiny  is  not  likely  to  be  a  close  one.  So  now,  your 
consent  is  alone  wanting  to  complete  the  arrangements  which  before 
this  time  to-morrow  shall  have  made  me  the  happiest  of  mortals." 

Having  expressed  in  fitting  terms  my  full  sense  of  obligation  for 
the  delicate  flattery  with  which  he  pictured  me  as  "  Old  Lorrequer" 
to  the  lady,  I  begged  a  more  detailed  account  of  his  plan,  which  I 
shall  shorten  for  my  reader's  sake,  by  the  following  brief  expos6. 

A  post-chaise  and  four  was  to  be  in  waiting  at  five  o'clock  in  the 
morning  to  convey  me  to  Sir  Alfred  Jonson's  residence  about 
twelve  miles  distant.  There  I  was  to  be  met  by  a  lady  at  the  gate- 
lodge,  who  was  subsequently  to  accompany  me  to  a  small  village  on 
the  Nore,  where  an  old  college  friend  of  Ourzon's  happened  to 
reside  as  parson,  and  by  whom  the  treaty  was  to  be  concluded. 

This  was  all  simple  and  clear  enough — the  only  condition  neces- 
sary to  insure  success  being  punctuality,  particularly  on  the  lady's 
part.  As  to  mine,  I  readily  promised  my  best  aid  and  warmest 
efforts  in  my  friend's  behalf. 

"  There  is  only  one  thing  more,"  said  Curzon.  "  Louisa's  younger 
brother  is  a  devilish  hot-headed,  wild  sort  of  a  fellow ;  and  it 
would  be  as  well,  just  for  precaution's  sake,  to  have  your  pistols 
along  with  you,  lest  by  any  chance  he  should  make  out  what  was 
going  forward — not  but  that  you  know  if  anything  serious  was  to 
take  place,  I  should  be  the  person  to  take  all  that  upon  my  hands." 

"  Oh  I  of  course — I  understand,"  said  I.  Meanwhile  I  could  not 
help  running  over  in  my  mind  the  pleasant  possibilities  such  an 
adventure  presented,  heartily  wishing  that  Curzon  had  been  content 
to  marry  by  banns,  or  any  other  of  the  legitimate  modes  in  use, 
•without  risking  his  friend's  bones.  The  other  pros  and  cons  of  the 
matter,  with  full  and  accurate  directions  as  to  the  road  to  be  taken 
on  obtaining  possession  of  the  lady,  being  all  arranged,  we  parted, 
I  to  settle  my  costume  and  appearance  for  my  first  performance  in 
an  old  man's  part,  and  Curzon  to  obtain  a  short  leave  for  a  few  days 
from  the  commanding  officer  of  the  regiment. 

When  we  again  met,  which  was  at  the  mess-table,  it  was  not 
without  evidence  on  either  side  of  that  peculiar  consciousness 
which  persons  feel  who  have,  or  think  they  have,  some  secret  in 
common  which  the  world  wots  not  of.  Curzon's  unusually  quick 
and  excited  manner  would  at  once  have  struck  any  close  observer  as 
indicating  the  eve  of  some  important  step,  no  less  than  continual 
allusions  to  whatever  was  going  on,  by  sly  and  equivocal  jokes  and 
ambiguous  jests.  Happily,  however,  on  the  present  occasion,  the 
party  were  otherwise  occupied  than  watching  him — being  most  pro- 
foundly and  learnedly  engaged  in  discussing  medicine  and  matters 


THE  WAGER.  163 

medical  with  all  the  acute  and  accurate  knowledge  which  charac- 
terizes such  discussions  among  the  non-medical  public. 

The  present  conversation  originated  from  some  mention  our  senior 
surgeon,  Fitzgerald,  had  just  made  of  a  consultation  which  he  was 
invited  to  attend  on  the  next  morning,  at  the  distance  of  twenty 
miles,  and  which  necessitated  him  to  start  at  a  most  uncomfortably 
early  hour.  While  he  continued  to  deplore  the  hard  fate  of  such 
men  as  himself,  so  eagerly  sought  after  by  the  world  that  their  own 
hours  were  eternally  broken  in  upon  by  external  claims,  the  juniors 
were  not  sparing  of  their  mirth  on  the  occasion,  at  the  expense  of 
the  worthy  doctor,  who,  in  plain  truth,  had  never  been  disturbed  by 
a  request  like  the  present  within  any  one's  memory.  Some  asserted 
that  the  whole  thing  was  a  puff,  got  up  by  Fitz  himself,  who  was 
only  going  to  have  a  day's  partridge-shooting;  others  hinted  that  it 
was  a  blind  to  escape  the  vigilance  of  Mrs.  Fitzgerald — a  well-known 
virago  in  the  regiment — while  Fitz  enjoyed  himself;  while  a  third 
party,  pretending  to  sympathize  with  the  doctor,  suggested  that  a 
hundred  pounds  would  be  the  least  he  could  possibly  be  olTered  for 
such  services  as  his  on  so  grave  an  occasion. 

"  No,  no,  only  fifty,"  said  Fitz,  gravely. 

"  Fifty  I  Why,  you  tremendous  old  humbug,  you  don't  mean  to 
say  you'll  make  fifty  pounds  before  we  are  out  of  our  beds  in  the 
morning?"  cried  one. 

"  I'll  take  your  bet  on  it,"  said  the  doctor,  who  had  in  this  instance 
reason  to  suppose  his  fee  would  be  a  large  one. 

During  this  discussion,  the  claret  had  been  pushed  round  rather 
freely;  and  fully  bent  as  I  was  upon  the  adventure  before  me,  I  had 
taken  my  share  of  it  as  a  preparation.  I  thought  of  the  amazing 
prize  I  was  about  to  be  instrumental  in  securing  for  my  friend — for 
the  lady  had  really  thirty  thousand  pounds — and  I  could  not  conceal 
my  triumph  at  such  a  prospect  of  success  in  comparison  with  the 
meaner  object  of  ambition.  They  all  seemed  to  envy  poor  Fitz- 
gerald. I  struggled  with  my  secret  for  some  time,  but  my  pride 
and  the  claret  together  got  the  better  of  me,  and  I  called  out,  "  Fifty 
pounds  on  it,  then,  that  before  ten  to-morrow  morning  I'll  make  a 
better  hit  of  it  than  you,  and  the  mess  shall  decide  between  us 
afterwards  as  to  the  winner." 

"And  if  you  will,"  said  I,  seeing  some  reluctance  on  Fitz's  part 
to  take  the  wager,  and  getting  emboldened  in  consequence,  "  let  the 
judgment  be  pronounced  over  a  couple  of  dozen  of  champagne,  paid 
by  the  loser." 

This  was  a  coup  d'etat  on  my  part,  for  I  knew  at  once  that  there 
were  so  many  parties  to  benefit  by  the  bet,  terminate  which  way  it 
might,  there  could  be  no  possibility  of  evading  it.    My  device  sue- 


164  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

ceeded,  and  poor  Fitzgerald,  fairly  badgered  into  a  wager,  the  terms 
of  which  he  could  not  in  the  least  comprehend,  was  obliged  to  sign 
the  conditions  inserted  in  the  adjutant's  note-book,  his  greatest  hope 
in  so  doing  being  in  the  quantity  of  wine  he  had  seen  me  drink 
during  the  evening.  As  for  myself,  the  bet  was  no  sooner  made 
than  I  began  to  think  upon  the  very  little  chance  I  had  of  winning 
it ;  for  even  supposing  my  success  perfect  in  the  department  allotted 
to  me,  it  might  with  great  reason  be  doubted  what  peculiar  beneiit 
I  myself  derived  as  a  counterbalance  to  the  fee  of  the  doctor.  For 
this,  my  only  trust  lay  in  the  justice  of  a  decision  which  I  con- 
jectured would  lean  more  towards  the  goodness  of  a  practical  joke 
than  the  equity  of  the  transaction.  The  party  at  mess  soon  after 
separated,  and  I  wished  my  friend  good-night  for  the  last  time 
before  meeting  him  as  a  bridegroom. 

I  arranged  everything  in  order  for  my  start.  My  pistol-case  I 
placed  conspicuously  before  me,  to  avoid  being  forgotten  in  the 
haste  of  departure ;  and  having  ordered  my  servant  to  sit  up  all 
night  in  the  guard-room  until  he  heard  the  carriage  at  the  barrack- 
gate,  threw  myself  on  my  bed;  but  not  to  sleep.  The  adventure  I 
was  about  to  engage  in  suggested  to  my  mind  a  thousand  associa- 
tions, into  which  many  of  the  scenes  I  have  already  narrated  entered. 
I  thought  how  frequently  I  had  myself  been  on  the  verge  of  that 
state  which  Curzon  was  about  to  try,  and  how  it  always  happened 
that  when  nearest  to  success  failure  had  intervened.  From  my  veiy 
schoolboy  days,  my  love  adventures  had  the  same  unfortunate 
abruptness  in  their  issue ;  and  there  seemed  to  be  something  very 
like  a  fatality  in  the  invariable  unsuccess  of  my  efforts  at  marriage. 
I  feared,  too,  that  my  friend  Curzon  had  placed  himself  in  very 
unfortunate  hands,  if  augury  were  to  be  relied  upon.  "Something 
will  surely  happen,"  thought  I,  "  from  my  confounded  ill  luck,  and 
all  will  be  blown  up."  Wearied  at  length  with  thinking,  I  fell  into 
a  sound  sleep  for  about  three-quarters  of  an  hour,  at  the  end  of 
which  time  I  was  awoke  by  my  servant,  who  came  to  inform 
me  that  a  chaise-and-four  was  drawn  up  at  the  end  of  the  barrack 
lane. 

"  Why,  surely  they  are  too  early,  Stubbes?    It's  only  four  o'clock." 

"  Yes,  sir ;  but  they  say  that  the  road  for  eight  miles  is  very  bad, 
and  they  must  go  it  almost  at  a  walk." 

"  That  is  certainly  pleasant,"  thought  I ;  "  but  I'm  in  for  it  now, 
so  can't  help  it." 

In  a  few  minutes  I  was  up  and  dressed,  and  so  perfectly  trans- 
formed by  the  addition  of  a  brown  scratch-wig,  large  green  spec- 
tacles, and  a  deep-flapped  waistcoat,  that  my  servant,  on  re-entering 
my  room,  could  not  recognize  me.     I  followed  him  now  across  the 


THE  WAGER.  1G5 

barrack-yard,  as,  with  my  pistol-case  under  one  arm  and  a  lantern 
in  his  hand,  he  proceeded  to  the  barrack-gate. 

As  I  passed  beneath  the  adjutant's  window,  I  saw  a  light — the 
sash  was  quickly  thrown  open,  and  Curzon  appeared. 

"la  that  you,  Harry?" 

"Yes;  when  do  you  start?" 

"In  about  two  hours.  I've  only  eight  miles  to  go;  you  have 
upwards  of  twelve,  and  no  time  to  lose.  Success  attend  you,  my 
boy  1  we'll  meet  soon." 

"Here's  the  carriage,  sir;  this  way." 

"  Well,  my  lads,  you  know  the  road,  I  suppose  ?" 

"  Every  inch  of  it,  your  honor's  glory ;  we're  always  coming  in 
for  doctors  and  'pothecaries ;  they're  never  a  week  without  them." 

I  was  soon  seated,  the  door  clapped  to ;  the  words  "  all  right" 
were  given,  and  away  we  went. 

Little  as  I  had  slept  during  the  night,  my  mind  was  too  much 
occupied  with  the  adventure  I  was  engaged  in  to  permit  any 
thoughts  of  sleep  now,  so  that  I  had  abundant  opportunity  afforded 
me  of  pondering  over  all  the  bearings  of  the  case  with  much  more 
of  deliberation  and  caution  than  I  had  yet  bestowed  upon  it.  One 
thing  was  certain,  whether  success  did  or  did  not  attend  our  under- 
taking, the  risk  was  mine  and  mine  only ;  and  if  by  any  accident 
the  aflair  should  be  already  known  to  the  family,  I  stood  a  very  fair 
chance  of  being  shot  by  one  of  the  sons,  or  stoned  to  death  by  the 
tenantry;  while  my  excellent  friend  Curzon  should  be  eating  his 
breakfast  with  his  reverend  friend,  and  only  interru])ting  himself  in 
his  fourth  mulTin  to  wonder  "  what  could  keep  them;"  and  besides — 
for  minor  miseries  will,  like  the  blue  devils  in  Dun  Giovanni,  thrust 
up  their  heads  among  their  better-grown  brethren, — my  fifty-pound 
bet  looked  rather  blue;  for  even  under  the  most  favorable  lij^dit 
considered,  however  Curzon  might  be  esteemed  a  gainer,  it  might 
well  be  doubted  how  far  I  had  succeeded  better  than  the  doctor, 
when  producing  his  fee  in  evidence.  Well,  well,  I'm  in  for  it  now ; 
but  it  certainly  is  strange  that  all  these  very  awkward  circumstances 
never  struck  me  so  forcibly  before ;  and,  after  all,  it  was  not  quite 
fair  of  Curzon  to  put  any  man  forward  in  such  a  transaction ;  the 
more  so,  as  such  a  representation  miglit  be  made  of  it  at  the  Horse 
Guards  as  to  stop  a  man's  promotion,  or  seriously  affect  his  pros- 
pects for  life  ;  and  I  at  last  began  to  convince  myself  that  many  a 
man  so  placed  would  carry  the  lady  off  himself,  and  leave  the  adju- 
tant to  settle  the  affair  with  the  family.  For  two  mortal  hours  did 
I  conjure  up  every  possible  disagreeable  contingency  that  might 
arise.  My  being  mulct  of  my  fifty,  and  laughed  at  by  the  mess, 
seemed  inevitable,  even  were  I  fortunate  enough  to  escape  a  duel 


166  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

with  the  fire-eating  brother.  Meanwhile  a  thick  misty  rain  con- 
tinued to  fall,  adding  so  much  to  the  darkness  of  the  early  hour, 
that  I  could  see  little  of  the  country  about  me,  and  knew  nothing  of 
where  I  was. 

Troubles  are  like  laudanum,  a  small  dose  only  excites,  a  strong 
one  sets  you  to  sleep — not  a  very  comfortable  sleep,  mayhap,  but 
still  it  is  sleep,  and  often  very  sound  sleep ;  so  it  now  happened  with 
me.  I  had  pondered  over,  weighed,  and  considered  all  the  pros,  cons, 
turnings,  and  windings  of  this  awkward  predicament,  till  I  had 
fairly  convinced  myself  that  I  was  on  the  high  road  to  a  confounded 
scrape ;  and  then,  having  established  that  fact  to  my  entire  satisfac- 
tion, I  fell  comfortably  back  in  the  chaise,  and  sank  into  a  most 
profound  slumber. 

If  to  any  of  my  readers  I  may  appear  here  to  have  taken  a  very 
despondent  view  of  this  whole  affair,  let  him  only  call  to  mind  my 
invariable  ill  luck  in  such  matters,  and  how  it  had  always  been  my 
lot  to  see  myself  on  the  fair  road  to  success  only  up  to  that  point  at 

which  it  is  certain  ;  besides But  why  explain  ?    These  are  my 

"  Confessions."  I  may  not  alter  what  are  matters  of  fact,  and  my 
reader  must  only  take  me  with  all  the  imperfections  of  wrong 
motives  and  headlong  impulses  upon  my  head  or  abandon  me  at 
once. 

Meanwhile  the  chaise  rolled  along,  and  the  road  being  better  and 
the  pace  faster,  my  sleep  became  more  easy ;  thus,  about  an  hour 
and  a  half  after  I  had  fallen  asleep  passed  rapidly  over,  when  the 
sharp  turning  of  an  angle  disturbed  me  from  my  leaning  position, 
and  I  awoke.  I  started  up  and  rubbed  my  eyes ;  several  seconds 
elapsed  before  I  could  think  where  I  was  or  whither  going.  Con- 
sciousness at  last  came,  and  I  perceived  that  we  were  driving  up  a 
thickly-planted  avenue.  Why,  confound  it,  they  can't  have  mis- 
taken it,  thought  I,  or  are  we  really  going  up  to  the  house,  instead 
of  waiting  at  the  lodge  ?  I  at  once  lowered  the  sash,  and  stretching 
out  my  head,  cried  out,  "  Do  you  know  what  ye  are  about,  lads ;  is 
this  all  right?"  but  unfortunately,  amid  the  rattling  of  the  gravel 
and  the  clatter  of  the  horses,  my  words  were  unheard;  and  thinking 
I  was  addressing  a  request  to  go  faster,  the  villains  cracked  their 
whips,  and  breaking  into  a  full  gallop,  before  five  minutes  flew  over, 
they  drew  up  with  a  jerk  at  the  foot  of  a  long  portico  to  a  large  and 
spacious  cut-stone  mansion.  When  I  rallied  from  the  sudden  check, 
which  had  nearly  thrown  me  through  the  window,  I  gave  myself  up 
for  lost ;  here  I  was,  vis-d-vis  with  the  very  hall-door  of  the  man 
whose  daughter  I  was  about  to  elope  with  ;  whether  so  placed  by  the 
awkwardness  and  blundering  of  the  wretches  who  drove  me,  or 
delivered  up  by  their  treachery,  it  mattered  not ;  my  fate  seemed 


THE  WAGER.  167 

certain.  Before  I  had  time  to  determine  upon  any  line  of  action  in 
this  confounded  dilemma,  the  door  was  jerked  open  by  a  servant  in 
sombre  livery,  who,  protruding  his  head  and  shoulders  into  the 
chaise,  looked  at  me  steadily  for  a  moment,  and  said,  "Ah !  then, 
doctor,  darlin',  but  ye're  welcome."  With  the  speed  with  which 
sometimes  the  bar  of  an  air  long  since  heard,  or  the  passing  glance 
of  an  old  familiar  face  can  call  up  the  memory  of  our  very  earliest 
childhood,  bright  and  vivid  before  us,  did  that  one  single  phrase 
explain  the  entire  mystery  of  my  present  position,  and  I  saw  in  one 
rapid  glance  that  I  had  got  into  the  chaise  intended  for  Dr.  Fitz- 
gerald, and  was  absolutely  at  that  moment  before  the  hall-door  of 
the  patient.  My  first  impulse  was  an  honest  one — to  avow  the 
mistake  and  retrace  my  steps,  taking  my  chance  to  settle  with 
Curzon,  whose  matrimonial  scheme  I  foresaw  was  doomed  to  the 
untimely  fate  of  all  those  I  had  ever  been  concerned  in.  My  next 
thought — how  seldom  is  the  adage  true  which  says  that  "second 
thoughts  are  best" — was  upon  my  luckless  wager:  for  even  sup- 
posing that  Fitzgerald  should  follow  me  in  the  other  chaise,  yet,  as 
I  had  the  start  of  him,  if  I  could  only  pass  muster  for  half  an  hour, 
I  might  secure  the  fee,  and  evacuate  the  territory;  besides  that, 
there  was  a  great  chance  of  Fitz's  having  gone  on  my  errand,  while 
I  was  journeying  on  Aw,  in  which  case  I  should  be  safe  from  inter- 
ruption. Meanwhile,  Heaven  only  could  tell  what  his  interference 
in  poor  Curzon's  business  might  not  involve.  These  serious  reflec- 
tions took  about  ten  seconds  to  pass  through  my  mind,  as  the  grave- 
looking  old  servant  proceeded  to  encumber  himself  with  my  cloak 
and  my  pistol-case,  remarking  as  he  lifted  the  latter,  "And  may  tho 
Lord  grant  ye  won't  want  the  instruments  this  time,  doctor,  for  they 
say  he  is  better  this  morning."  Heartily  wishing  amen  to  the 
benevolent  prayer  of  the  honest  domestic,  for  more  reasons  than 
one,  I  descended  leisurely,  as  I  conjectured  a  doctor  ought  to  do, 
from  the  chaise,  and  with  a  solemn  pace  and  grave  demeanor 
followed  him  into  the  house. 

In  the  small  parlor  to  which  I  was  ushered  sat  two  gentlemen 
somewhat  advanced  in  years,  who  I  rightly  supposed  were  my  medi- 
cal confreres.  One  of  these  was  a  tall,  pale,  ascetic-looking  man, 
with  gray  hair  and  retreating  forehead,  slow  in  speech,  and  lugu- 
brious in  demeanor.  The  other,  his  antithesis,  was  a  short,  rosy- 
cheeked,  apoplectic-looking  subject,  with  a  laugh  like  a  sulTocating 
wheeze,  and  a  paunch  like  an  alderman  ;  his  quick,  restless  eye  and 
full  nether  lip  denoted  more  of  the  bon  vivani  than  the  abstemious 
disciple  of  ^l^sculapius.  A  moment's  glance  satisfied  me  that  if  I 
had  only  these  to  deal  with,  I  was  safe,  for  I  saw  that  they  were  of 
that  stamp  of  country  practitioner,  half-physician,  half-apothecary. 


168  EARR  Y  L  ORREQ  VER. 

who  rarely  came  in  contact  with  the  higher  orders  of  their  art,  and 
then  only  to  be  dictated  to,  obey,  and  grumble. 

"Doctor,  may  I  beg  to  intrude  myself,  Mr.  Phipps,  on  your 
notice?  Dr.  Phipps  or  Mr.,  it's  all  one;  but  I  have  only  a  license 
in  pharmacy,  though  they  call  me  doctor.  Surgeon  Riley,  sir,  a 
very  respectable  practitioner,"  said  he,  waving  his  hand  towards  his 
rubicund  confrere. 

I  at  once  expressed  the  great  happiness  it  aiforded  me  to  meet 
such  highly-informed  and  justly-celebrated  gentlemen  ;  and  fearing 
every  moment  the  arrival  of  the  real  Simon  Pure  should  cover  me 
with  shame  and  disgrace,  begged  they  would  afford  me,  as  soon  as 
possible,  some  history  of  the  case  we  were  convened  for.  They 
accordingly  proceeded  to  expound,  in  a  species  of  duet,  some  curious 
particulars  of  an  old  gentleman  who  had  the  evil  fortune  to  have  them 
for  his  doctors,  and  who  labored  under  some  swelling  of  the  neck, 
which  they  differed  as  to  the  treatment  of,  and  in  consequence  of 
which  the  aid  of  a  third  party  (myself.  Heaven  bless  the  mark !) 
waa  requested. 

As  I  could  by  no  means  divest  myself  of  the  fear  of  Fitz's  arrival, 
I  pleaded  the  multiplicity  of  my  professional  engagements  as  a 
reason  for  at  once  seeing  the  patient;  upon  which  I  was  conducted 
up  stairs  by  my  two  brethren,  and  introduced  to  a  half-lighted 
chamber.  In  a  large  easy-chair  sat  a  florid-looking  old  man,  with 
a  face  in  which  pain  and  habitual  ill-temper  had  combined  to 
absorb  every  expression. 

"  This  is  the  doctor  of  the  regiment,  sir,  that  you  desired  to  see," 
said  my  tall  coadjutor. 

"  Oh  I  then,  very  well ;  good-morning,  sir.  I  suppose  you  will  find 
out  something  new  the  matter,  for  them  two  there  have  been  doing 
so  every  day  this  two  months." 

"I  trust,  sir,"  I  replied  stiffly,  "that  with  the  assistance  of  my 
learned  friends  much  may  be  done  for  you.  Ha  I  hem  I  so  this  is 
the  malady.  Turn  your  head  a  little  to  that  side."  Here  an  awful 
groan  escaped  the  sick  man,  fori,  it  appears,  had  made  considerable 
impression  upon  rather  a  delicate  part,  not  unintentionally,  I  must 
confess ;  for  as  I  remembered  Hoyle's  maxim  at  whist,  "  when  in 
doubt  play  a  trump,"  so  I  thought  it  might  be  true  in  physic,  when 
posed  by  a  difficulty,  to  do  a  bold  thing  also.  "  Does  that  hurt  you, 
sir?"  said  I,  in  a  soothing  and  affectionate  tone  of  voice. 

"  Like  the  devil,"  growled  the  patient. 

"And  here?"  said  I. 

"  Oh  I  oh  I  I  can't  bear  it  any  longer." 

"  Oh !  I  see,"  said  I,  "  the  thing  is  just  as  I  expected."  Here  I 
raised  my  eyebrows,  and  looked  indescribably  wise  at  my  confreres. 


THE   WAGER.  169 

"No  aneurism,  doctor,"  said  the  tall  one. 

"  Certainly  not." 

"May be,"  said  the  short  man, — "  maybe  it's  a  stay-at-home-with- 
U8  tumor  after  all," — so  at  least  he  appeared  to  pronounce  a  con- 
founded technical,  which  I  afterwards  learned  was  "  steatomatous." 
Conceiving  that  my  rosy  friend  was  disposed  to  jeer  at  me,  I  gave 
him  a  terrific  frown  and  resumed,  "  This  must  not  be  touched." 

"  So  you  won't  operate  upon  it,"  said  the  patient. 

"  I  would  not  take  a  thousand  pounds  to  do  so,"  I  replied.  "  Now, 
if  you  please,  gentlemen,"  said  I,  making  a  step  towards  the  door, 
as  if  to  withdraw  for  consultation ;  upon  which  they  accompanied 
me  down  stairs  to  the  breakfast-room.  As  it  was  the  only  time  in 
my  life  I  had  performed  in  this  character,  I  had  some  doubts  as  to 
the  propriety  of  indulging  a  very  hearty  breakfast  appetite,  not 
knowing  if  it  were  unprofessional  to  eat ;  but  from  this  doubt  my 
learned  friends  speedily  relieved  me,  by  the  entire  devotion  which 
they  bestowed  for  about  twenty  minutes  upon  ham,  rolls,  eggs,  and 
cutlets,  barely  interrupting  these  important  occupations  by  sly  allu- 
sions to  the  old  gentleman's  malady,  and  his  chance  of  recover^'. 

"  Well,  doctor,"  said  the  pale  one,  as  at  length  he  rested  from  his 
labors,  "  what  are  we  to  do  ?" 

"  Ay,"  said  the  other,  "there's  the  question." 

"  Go  on,"  said  I,  "  go  on  as  before ;  I  can't  advise  you  better." 
Now,  this  was  a  deep  stroke  of  mine ;  for  up  to  the  present  moment 
I  did  not  know  what  treatment  they  were  practising  ;  but  it  looked 
a  shrewd  thing  to  guess  it,  and  it  certainly  was  civil  to  approve 
of  it. 

"  So  you  think  that  will  be  best?" 

"  I  am  certain  that  I  know  nothing  better,"  I  answered. 

"  Well,  I'm  sure,  sir,  we  have  every  reason  to  be  gratified  for  the 
very  candid  manner  in  which  you  have  treated  us.  Sir,  I'm  your 
most  obedient  servant,"  said  the  fat  one. 

"  Gentlemen,  both  your  good  healths,  and  professional  success 
also."  Here  I  swallowed  a  glass  of  brandy,  thinking  all  the  while 
there  were  worse  things  than  the  practice  of  physic. 

"  I  hope  you  are  not  going?"  said  one,  as  my  chaise  drew  up  at 
the  door. 

"  Business  calls  me,"  said  I,  "and  I  can't  help  it." 

"  Could  not  you  manage  to  see  our  friend  here  again,  in  a  day  or 
two  ?"  said  the  rosy  one. 

"  I  fear  it  will  be  impossible,"  replied  I ;  "  besides,  I  have  a  notion 
he  may  not  desire  it." 

"I  have  been  commissioned  to  hand  you  this,"  said  the  tall 
doctor,  with  a  half  sigh,  as  he  put  a  check  into  my  hand. 


170  ,  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

I  bowed  slightly,  and  stuffed  the  crumpled  paper  with  a  half-care- 
less air  into  my  waistcoat  pocket,  and  wishing  them  both  every 
species  of  happiness  and  success,  shook  hands  four  times  with  each 
and  drove  olf,  never  believing  myself  safe  till  I  saw  the  gate-lodge 
behind  me,  and  felt  myself  flying  on  the  road  to  Kilkenny  at  about 
twelve  Irish  miles  an  hour. 


CHAPTER  XVIII. 

THE   ELOPEMENT. 

IT  was  past  two  o'clock  when  I  reached  the  town.  On  entering 
the  barrack-yard,  I  perceived  a  large  group  of  officers  chatting 
together,  and  every  moment  breaking  into  immoderate  fits  of 
laughter.  I  went  over,  and  immediately  learned  the  source  of  their 
mirth,  which  was  this.  No  sooner  had  it  been  known  that  Fitz- 
gerald was  about  to  go  to  a  distance,  on  a  professional  call,  than  a 
couple  of  young  officers  laid  their  heads  together,  and  wrote  an 
anonymous  note  to  Mrs.  Fitz,  who  was  the  very  dragon  of  jealousy, 
informing  her  that  her  husband  had  feigned  the  whole  history  of 
the  patient  and  consultation  as  an  excuse  for  absenting  himself  on 
an  excursion  of  gallantry ;  and  that  if  she  wished  to  satisfy  herself 
of  the  truth  of  the  statement,  she  had  only  to  follow  him  in  the 
morning,  and  detect  his  entire  scheme ;  the  object  of  these  amiable 
friends  being  to  give  poor  Mrs.  Fitz  a  twenty  miles'  jaunt,  and  con- 
front her  with  her  injured  husband  at  the  end  of  it. 

Having  a  mind  actively  alive  to  suspicions  of  this  nature,  the 
worthy  woman  made  all  her  arrangements  for  a  start,  and  scarcely 
was  the  chaise-and-four,  with  her  husband,  out  of  the  town,  than 
she  was  on  the  track  of  it,  with  a  heart  bursting  with  jealousy,  and 
vowing  vengeance  to  the  knife  against  all  concerned  in  this  scheme 
to  wrong  her. 

So  far  the  jilan  of  her  persecutors  had  perfectly  succeeded  ;  they 
saw  her  depart  on  a  trip  of,  as  they  supposed,  twenty  miles,  and 
their  whole  notions  of  the  practical  joke  were  limited  to  the  Mair- 
cissement  that  must  ensue  at  the  end.  Little,  however,  were  they 
aware  how  much  more  near  the  suspected  crime  was  the  position  of 
the  poor  doctor  to  turn  out ;  for  as,  by  one  blunder,  I  had  taken  hia 
chaise,  so  he,  without  any  inquiry  whatever,  had  got  into  the  one 
intended  for  me ;  and  never  awoke  from  a  most  refreshing  slumber 
till  shaken  by  the  shoulder  by  the  postilion,  who  whispered  in  his 
ear,  "  Here  we  are,  sir ;  this  is  the  gate." 


THE  ELOPEMENT.  171 

"  But  why  stop  at  the  gate  ?    Drive  up  the  avenue,  my  boy." 

"  His  honor  told  me,  sir,  not  for  the  world  to  go  farther  than  the 
lodge ;  nor  to  make  as  much  noise  as  a  mouse." 

"  Ah  I  very  true.  He  may  be  very  irritable,  poor  man !  Well, 
stop  here,  and  I'll  get  out." 

Just  as  the  doctor  had  reached  the  ground,  a  very  smart-looking 
soubrette  tripped  up,  and  said  to  him  : — 

"Beg  pardon,  sir;  but  are  you  the  gentleman  from  the  barrack, 
sir?" 

"  Yes,  my  dear,"  said  Fitz,  with  a  knowing  look  at  the  pretty 
face  of  the  damsel ;  "  what  can  I  do  for  you  ?" 

"Why,  sir,  my  mistress  is  here  in  the  shrubbery;  but  she  is  so 
nervous  and  so  frightened,  I  don't  know  how  she'll  go  through  it." 

"Ah  I  she's  frightened,  poor  thing,  is  she?  Oh!  she  must  keep 
up  her  spirits;  while  there's  life  there's  hope." 

"Sir?" 

"  I  say,  my  darling,  she  must  not  give  way.  I'll  speak  to  her  a 
little.     Is  not  he  rather  advanced  in  life?" 

"Oh,  Lord  I  no,  sir.  Only  two-and-thirty,  my  mistress  tells 
me." 

"  Two-and-thirty  1    Why,  I  thought  he  was  above  sixty." 

"Above  sixty!  Law!  sir.  You  have  a  bright  fancy.  This  is 
the  gentleman,  ma'am.  Now,  sir,  I'll  just  slip  aside  for  a  moment, 
and  let  you  talk  to  her." 

"  I  am  grieved,  ma'am,  that  I  have  not  the  happiness  to  make 
your  acquaintance  under  happier  circumstances." 

"  I  must  confess,  sir — though  I  am  ashamed " 

"  Never  be  ashamed,  ma'am ;  your  grief,  although  I  trust  cause- 
less, does  you  infinite  honor.  Upon  my  soul,  she  is  rather  pretty," 
eaid  the  doctor  to  himself  here. 

"  Well,  sir  I  as  I  have  the  most  perfect  confidence  in  you,  from  all 
I  have  heard  of  you,  I  trust  you  will  not  think  me  abrupt  in  saying 
that  any  longer  delay  here  is  dangerous." 

"  Dangerous  !     Is  he  in  so  critical  a  state  as  that,  then?" 

"  Critical  a  state,  sir  I     Why,  what  do  you  mean  ?" 

"I  mean,  ma'am,  do  you  think,  then,  it  must  be  done  to-day?" 

"  Of  course  I  do,  sir,  and  I  shall  never  leave  the  spot  without 
your  assuring  me  of  it." 

"  Oh  !  in  that  case  make  your  mind  easy.    I  have  the  instruments 

in  the  chaise." 

"  The  instruments  in  the  chaise  I  Really,  sir,  if  you  are  not  jest- 
ing—I  trust  you  don't  think  this  is  a  fitting  time  for  such— I  entreat 
of  vou  to  speak  more  plainly  and  intelligibly." 

"Jesting,  ma'am!  I'm  incapable  of  jesting  at  such  a  moment." 


172  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

"  Ma'am,  ma'am  1  I  see  one  of  the  rangers,  ma'am,  at  a  distance, 
so  don't  lose  a  moment,  but  get  into  the  chaise  at  once." 

"  Well,  sir,  let  us  away,  for  I  have  now  gone  too  far  to  retract." 

"  Help  my  mistress  into  the  chaise,  sir.  Lord !  what  a  man 
it  is." 

A  moment  more  saw  the  poor  doctor  seated  beside  the  young 
lady,  while  the  postilions  applied  whip  and  spur  with  their  best 
energy,  and  the  road  flew  beneath  them.  Meanwhile  the  delay 
caused  by  this  short  dialogue  enabled  Mrs.  Fitz's  slower  conveyance 
to  come  up  with  the  pursuit,  and  her  chaise  had  just  turned  the 
angle  of  the  road  as  she  caught  a  glimpse  of  a  muslin  dress  stepping 
into  the  carriage  with  her  husband. 

There  are  no  words  capable  of  conveying  the  faintest  idea  of  the 
feelings  that  agitated  Mrs.  Fitz  at  this  moment.  The  fullest  con- 
firmation to  her  worst  fears  was  before  her  eyes — -just  at  the  very 
instant  when  a  doubt  was  beginning  to  cross  over  her  mind  that  it 
might  have  been  merely  a  hoax  that  was  practiced  on  her,  and  that 
the  worthy  doctor  was  innocent  and  blameless.  As  for  the  poor 
doctor  himself,  there  seemed  little  chance  of  his  being  enlightened 
as  to  the  real  state  of  matters ;  for  from  the  moment  the  young  lady 
liad  taken  her  place  in  the  chaise,  she  had  buried  her  face  in  her 
hands  and  sobbed  continually.  Meanwhile  he  concluded  that  they 
were  approaching  the  house  by  some  back  entrance,  in  order  to 
avoid  noise  and  confusion,  and  waited  with  due  patience  for  the 
journey's  end. 

As,  however,  her  grief  continued  unabated,  Fitz  at  length  began 
to  think  of  the  many  little  consolatory  acts  he  had  successfully 
practiced  in  his  professional  career,  and  was  just  insinuating  some 
very  tender  speech  on  the  score  of  resignation,  with  his  head  in- 
clined towards  the  weeping  lady  beside  him,  when  the  chaise  of 
Mrs.  Fitz  came  up  alongside,  and  the  postilions  having  yielded  to 
the  call  to  halt,  drew  suddenly  up,  displaying  to  the  enraged  wife 
the  tableau  we  have  mentioned. 

"  So,  wretch !"  she  screamed  rather  than  spoke,  "  I  have  detected 
you  at  last." 

"  Lord  bless  me  I    Why,  it  is  my  wife  I" 

"Yes,  villain!  your  injured,  much-wronged  wife  I  And  you, 
madam,  may  I  ask  what  you  have  to  say  for  thus  eloping  with  a 
married  man?" 

"  Shame  I  My  dear  Jemima,"  said  Fitz,  "  how  can  you  possibly 
permit  your  foolish  jealousy  so  far  to  blind  your  reason?  Don't  you 
see  I  am  going  upon  a  professional  call  ?" 

"  Oh  !  you  are,  are  you?    Quito  professional,  I'll  be  bound." 

"  Oh,  sir  I  Oh,  madam  I   I  beseech  you  to  save  me  from  the  anger 


THE  ELOPEMENT.  173 

of  my  relatives  and  the  disgrace  of  exposure.  Pray  take  me  back 
at  once." 

"  Wliy,  heavens  !  ma'am,  what  do  you  mean  ?  You  are  not  gone 
mad,  aa  well  as  ray  wife." 

"  Keally,  Mr.  Fitz,"  said  Mrs.  F.,  "  this  is  carrying  the  joke  too 
far.  Take  your  unfortunate  victim — as  I  suppose  she  is  such — home 
to  her  parents,  and  prepare  to  accompany  me  to  the  barrack ;  and  if 
there  be  law  and  justice  in " 

"Well!  may  the  Lord  in  his  mercy  preserve  my  senses,  or  you 
■will  both  drive  me  clean  uuid." 

"  Oh,  dear  I  oh,  dear  I"  sobbed  the  young  lady,  while  Mrs.  Fitz- 
gerald continued  to  upbraid  at  the  top  of  her  voice,  heedless  of  the 
disclaimers  and  protestations  of  innocence  poured  out  with  the  elo- 
quence of  despair  by  the  poor  doctor.  Matters  were  in  this  state, 
when  a  man  dressed  in  a  fustian  jacket,  like  a  groom,  drove  up  to 
the  side  of  the  road  in  a  tax-cart ;  he  immediately  got  down,  and 
tearing  open  the  door  of  the  doctor's  chaise,  lifted  out  the  young 
lady,  and  deposited  her  safely  in  his  own  conveyance,  merely  add- 
ing,— 

"  I  say,  master,  you're  in  luck  this  morning  that  Mr.  William  took 
the  lower  road,  for  if  he  had  come  up  with  you  instead  of  me,  he'd 
have  blown  the  roof  off  your  skull,  that's  all." 

While  these  highly-satisfactory  words  were  being  addressed  to 
poor  Fitz,  Mrs.  Fitzgerald  had  removed  from  her  carriage  to  that  of 
her  husband,  perhaps  preferring  four  horses  to  two,  or  perhaps  she 
had  still  more  unexplained  views  of  the  transaction,  which  might  as 
well  be  told  on  the  road  homeward. 

Whatever  might  have  been  the  nature  of  Mrs.  F.'s  dissertation, 
nothing  is  known.  The  chaise  containing  these  turtle-doves  arrived 
late  at  night  at  Kilkenny,  and  Fitz  was  installed  safely  in  his  quar- 
ters before  any  one  knew  of  his  having  come  back.  The  following 
morning  he  was  reported  ill ;  and  for  three  weeks  he  was  but  once 
seen,  and  at  that  time  only  at  his  window,  with  a  flannel  nightcap 
on  his  head,  looking  particularly  pale,  and  rather  dark  under  one 
eye. 

As  for  Curzon,  the  last  thing  known  of  him  that  luckless  morning 
was  his  hiring  a  post-chaise  for  the  Royal  Oak,  from  whence  he 
posted  to  Dublin,  and  hjistened  on  to  England.  In  a  few  days  we 
learned  that  the  adjutant  had  exchanged  into  a  regiment  in  Canada ; 
and  to  this  hour  there  are  not  three  men  in  the  4 — th  who  know  the 
real  secret  of  that  morning's  misadventures. 


174  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UERm 

CHAPTER    XIX. 

DETACHMENT    DUTY — AN  ASSIZE   TOWN. 

THERE  seeming  to  be  but  very  little  prospect  of  poor  Fitzgerald 
ever  requiring  any  explanation  from  me  as  to  the  events 
of  that  morning,  for  he  feared  to  venture  from  his  room,  lest 
he  might  be  recognized  and  prosecuted  for  abduction,  I  thought  it 
better  to  keep  my  own  secret  also ;  and  it  was  therefore  with  a  feel- 
ing of  anything  but  regret  that  I  received  an  order  which  under 
other  circumstances  would  have  rendered  me  miserable — to  march 
on  detachment  duty.  To  any  one  at  all  conversant  with  the  life  we 
lead  in  the  army,  I  need  not  say  how  unpleasant  such  a  change 
usually  is.  To  surrender  your  capital  mess,  with  all  its  well- 
appointed  equipments — your  jovial  brother  officers — your  West 
India  Madeira — your  cool  Lafitte — your  daily,  hourly,  and  half- 
hourly  flirtations  with  the  whole  female  population — never  a  defi- 
cient one  in  a  garrison  town — not  to  speak  of  your  matches  at 
trotting,  coursing,  and  pigeon-shooting,  and  a  hundred  other  delec- 
table modes  of  getting  over  the  ground  through  life,  till  it  please 
your  ungrateful  country  and  the  Horse  Guards  to  make  you  a  major- 
general, — to  surrender  all  these,  I  say,  for  the  noise,  dust,  and  damp 
disagreeables  of  a  country  inn,  with  bacon  to  eat,  whisky  to  drink, 
and  the  priest,  or  the  constabulary  chief,  to  get  drunk  with — I  speak 
of  Ireland  here — and  your  only  affair,  par  amours,  being  the  occa- 
sional ogling  of  the  apothecary's  daughter  opposite,  as  often  as  she 
visits  the  shop,  in  the  exciting  occupation  of  measuring  out  garden 
seeds  and  senna.  These  are,  indeed,  the  exchanges,  with  a  differ- 
ence, for  which  there  is  no  compensation  ;  and,  for  my  own  part,  I 
never  went  upon  such  duty  that  I  did  not  exclaim  with  the  honest 
Irishman  when  the  mail  went  over  him,  "  Oh,  Lord  I  what  is  this 
for?" — firmly  believing  that  in  the  earthly  purgatory  of  such  duties 
I  was  reaping  the  heavy  retribution  attendant  on  past  offences. 

Besides,  from  being  rather  a  crack  man  in  my  corps,  I  thought  it 
somewhat  hard  that  my  turn  for  such  duty  should  come  round  about 
twice  as  often  as  that  of  my  brother  officers  ;  but  so  it  is.  I  never 
knew  a  fellow  a  little  smarter  than  his  neighbors  that  was  not 
pounced  upon  by  his  colonel  for  a  victim.  Now,  however,  I  looked 
at  these  matters  in  a  very  different  light.  To  leave  headquarters 
was  to  escape  being  questioned  ;  while  there  was  scarcely  any  post 
to  which  I  could  be  sent  where  something  strange  or  adventurous 
might  not  turn  up,  and  serve  me  to  erase  the  memory  of  the  past, 
and  turn  the  attention  of  my  comi)anion3  in  any  quarter  rather 
than  towards  myself. 


DETACHMENT  DUTY.  175 

My  orders  on  the  present  occasion  were  to  march  to  Clonmel, 
from  whence  I  was  to  proceed  a  sliort  distance  to  the  house  of  a 
magistrate,  upon  wliose  information,  transmitted  to  the  chief  secre- 
tary, the  present  assistance  of  a  military  party  had  been  obtained, 
and  not  without  every  appearance  of  reason.  The  assizes  of  the 
town  were  about  to  be  held,  and  many  capital  offences  stood  for 
trial  in  the  calendar ;  and  as  it  was  strongly  rumored  that,  in  the 
event  of  certain  convictions  being  obtained,  a  rescue  would  be 
attempted,  a  general  attack  upon  the  town  seemed  a  too  natural 
consequence ;  and  if  so,  the  house  of  so  obnoxious  a  person  as  him 
I  have  alluded  to  would  be  equally  certain  of  being  assailed.  Such, 
at  least,  is  too  frequently  the  history  of  such  scenes.  Beginning 
with  no  one  definite  object — sometimes  a  slight  one — more  ample 
views  and  wider  conceptions  of  mischief  follow,  and  what  has 
begun  in  a  drunken  riot — a  casual  rencontre — may  terminate  in  the 
Blaughter  of  a  family,  or  the  burning  of  a  village.  The  finest 
peasantry — God  bless  them  ! — are  a  quick  people,  and  readier  at 
taking  a  hint  than  most  others,  and  have,  withal,  a  natural  taste  for 
fighting  that  no  acquired  habits  of  other  nations  can  pretend  to  vie 
with. 

As  the  worthy  person  to  whose  house  I  was  now  about  to  pro- 
ceed was,  and,  if  I  am  rightly  informed,  is,  rather  a  remarkable  char- 
acter in  the  local  history  of  Irish  politics,  I  may  as  well  say  a 
few  words  concerning  him.  Mr.  Joseph  Larkins,  Esq, — for  so  he 
signed  himself, — had  only  been  lately  elevated  to  the  bench  of 
magistrates.  He  was  originally  one  of  that  large  but  intelligent 
class  called  in  Ireland  "  small  farmers,"  remarkable  chiefly  for  a 
considerable  tact  in  driving  hard  bargains — a  great  skill  in  wethers 
— a  rather  national  dislike  to  pay  all  species  of  imposts,  whether 
partaking  of  the  nature  of  tax,  tithe,  grand  jury  cess,  or  anything 
of  that  nature  whatsoever.  So  very  accountable — I  had  almost  said 
(for  I  have  been  long  quartered  in  Ireland)  so  very  laudable  a  pro- 
pensity excited  but  little  of  surprise  or  astonishment  in  his  neigh- 
bors, the  majority  of  whom  entertained  very  similar  views — none, 
however,  possessing  anything  like  the  able  and  lawyer-like  ability  of 
the  worthy  Larkins,  for  the  successful  evasion  of  these  inroads  upon 
the  liberty  of  the  subject.  Such,  in  fact,  was  his  talent,  and  so  great 
his  success  in  this  respect,  that  he  had  established  what,  if  it  did 
not  actually  amount  to  a  statute  of  exemption  in  law,  served  equally 
well  in  reality  ;  and  for  several  years  he  enjoyed  a  perfect  imnmnity 
on  the  subject  of  money-paying  in  general.  His  "  little  houldiu','' 
as  he  unostentatiously  called  some  five  hundred  acres  of  bog,  moun- 
tain, and  sheep-walk,  lay  in  a  remote  part  of  the  county ;  the  roads 
were  nearly  impassable  for  several  miles  in  that  direction ;  land 


176  HARRY  LORREQVER. 

was  of  little  value ;  the  agent  was  a  timid  man,  with  a  large  family ; 
of  three  tithe-proctors  who  had  penetrated  into  the  forbidden  terri- 
tory, two  labored  under  a  dyspepsia  for  life,  not  being  able  to  digest 
parchment  and  sealing-wax,  for  they  usually  dined  on  their  own 
writs ;  and  the  third  gave  five  pounds  out  of  his  pocket  to  a  large, 
fresh-looking  man,  with  brown  whiskers  and  beard,  that  concealed 
him  two  nights  in  a  hay-loft,  to  escape  the  vengeance  of  the  people, 
which  act  of  philanthropy  should  never  be  forgotten,  if  some  ill- 
natured  people  were  not  bold  enough  to  say  that  the  kind  individual 
in  question  was  no  other  man  than  Larkins  himself 

However  this  may  be,  true  it  is  that  this  was  the  last  attempt  made 
to  bring  within  the  responsibility  of  the  law  so  refractory  a  subject; 
and  so  powerful  is  habit,  that,  although  he  was  to  be  met  with  in 
every  market  and  cattle-fair  in  the  county,  an  arrest  of  his  person 
was  no  more  contemplated  than  if  he  enjoyed  the  privilege  of  parlia- 
ment to  go  at  large  without  danger. 

When  the  country  became  disturbed,  and  nightly  meetings  of 
the  peasantry  were  constantly  held,  followed  by  outrages  against  life 
and  property  to  the  most  frightful  extent,  the  usual  resources  of  the 
law  were  employed  unavailingly.  It  was  in  vain  to  offer  high 
rewards.  Approvers  could  not  be  found;  and  so  perfectly  organized 
were  the  secret  associations,  tliat  few  beyond  the  very  ringleaders 
knew  anything  of  consequence  to  communicate.  Special  commis- 
sions were  sent  down  from  Dublin  ;  additional  police  force,  detach- 
ments of  military;  long  correspondences  took  place  between  the 
magistracy  and  the  government — but  all  in  vain.  The  disturbances 
continued ;  and  at  last  to  such  a  height  had  they  risen,  that  the 
county  was  put  under  martial  law ;  and  even  this  was  ultimately 
found  perfectly  insufficient  to  repel  what  now  daily  threatened  to 
become  an  open  rebellion  rather  than  a  mere  agrarian  disturbance. 
It  was  at  this  precise  moment,  when  all  resources  seemed  to  be  fast 
exhausting  themselves,  that  certain  information  reached  the  Castle 
of  the  most  important  nature.  The  individual  who  obtained  and 
transmitted  it  had  perilled  his  life  in  so  doing ;  but  the  result  was  a 
great  one — no  less  than  the  capital  conviction  and  execution  of  seven 
of  the  most  influential  amongst  the  disaffected  peasantry.  Confi- 
dence was  at  once  shaken  in  the  secrecy  of  their  associates  ;  distrust 
and  suspicion  followed.  Many  of  the  boldest  sank  beneath  the  fear 
of  betrayal,  and  themselves  became  evidence  for  the  Crown  ;  and  in 
five  months,  a  county  abounding  in  niidniglit  meetings,  and  blazing 
with  insurrectionary  fires,  became  almost  the  most  tranquil  in  its 
province.  It  may  well  be  believed  that  he  who  rendered  this  impor- 
tant service  on  this  trying  emergency  could  not  be  passed  over,  and 
the  name  of  J.  Larkins  soon  after  appeared  in  the  Gazette  as  one  of 


DETACHMENT  DUTY.  177 

his  Majesty's  justices  of  the  peace  for  the  county — pretty  much  in 
tlic  same  sjiirit  in  wliicli  a  country  gcntlciu.an  converts  the  greatest 
poacher  in  liis  neighborhood  by  making  him  liis  gamelcecper. 

In  person  he  was  a  large  and  powerfully-built  man,  considerahly 
above  six  feet  in  height,  and  possessing  great  activity,  combined  with 
powers  of  enduring  fatigue  almost  incredible.  With  an  eye  like  a 
hawk,  and  a  heart  that  never  knew  fear,  he  was  tlie  person  of  all 
others  calculated  to  strike  terror  into  the  minds  of  the  country  people. 
The  reckless  daring  with  which  he  threw  himself  into  danger — the 
almost  impetuous  quickness  with  which  he  followed  up  a  sceiit, 
whenever  information  reached  him  of  an  important  character — had 
their  full  eflcct  upon  a  people  who,  long  accustomed  to  the  slowness 
and  the  uncertainty  of  the  law,  were  almost  paralyzed  at  beholding 
detection  and  punishment  follow  on  crime  as  certainly  as  the  thun- 
der-crash follows  the  lightning. 

Uis  great  instrument  for  this  purpose  was  the  obtaining  informa- 
tion from  sworn  members  of  the  secret  societies,  and  whose  names 
never  appeared  in  the  course  of  a  trial  or  a  prosecution,  until  the 
measure  of  their  iniquity  was  completed,  when  they  usually  received 
a  couple  of  hundred  pounds — blood-money,  as  it  was  called — with 
which  they  took  themselves  away  to  America  or  Australia,  their 
lives  being  only  secured  while  they  remained  by  the  shelter  afforded 
them  in  the  magistrate's  own  house.  And  so  it  happened  that  con- 
stantly there  numbered  from  ten  to  twelve  of  these  wretches,  inmates 
of  his  family,  eacli  of  whom  had  the  burden  of  participation  in  one 
murder  at  least,  waiting  for  an  opportunity  to  leave  the  country  un- 
noticed and  unwatched. 

Such  a  frightful  and  unnatural  state  of  things  can  hardly  be  con- 
ceived ;  and  yet,  shocking  as  it  was,  it  was  a  relief  to  that  which  led 
to  it.  I  have  dwelt,  perhaps,  too  long  upon  this  painful  subject; 
but  let  my  reader  now  accompany  me  a  little  farther,  and  the  scene 
shall  be  changed.  Does  he  see  that  long,  low,  white  house,  with  a 
tall,  steep  roof,  perforated  with  innumerable  narrow  windows? 
There  are  a  few  straggling  beech-trees  upon  a  low,  bleak-looking 
field  before  the  house,  which  is  called  by  courtesy  the  lawn  ;  a  pig 
or  two,  some  geese,  and  a  tethered  goat,  are  here  and  there  musing 
over  the  state  of  Ireland ;  while  some  rosy,  curly-headed,  noisy,  and 
bare-legged  urchins  are  gambolling  before  the  door.  This  is  the 
dwelling  of  the  worshipful  justice,  to  which  myself  and  my  party 
are  now  approaching  with  that  degree  of  activity  which  attends  on 
most  marches  of  twenty  miles,  under  the  oppressive  closeness  of  a 
day  in  autumn.  Fatigued  and  tired  as  I  was,  I  could  not  enter  the 
little  enclosure  before  the  house  without  stopping  for  a  moment  to 
ndmire  the  view  before  me.  It  was  a  large  tract  of  rich  countrj', 
12 


178  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

undulating  on  every  side,  and  teeming  with  cornfields,  in  all  the 
yellow  gold  of  ripeness ;  here  and  there,  almost  hid  by  small  clumps 
of  ash  and  alder,  were  scattered  some  cottages,  from  which  the  blue 
smoke  rose  in  a  curling  column  into  the  calm  evening  sky.  All  was 
graceful  and  beautifully  tranquil ;  and  you  might  have  selected  the 
picture  as  emblematic  of  that  happiness  and  repose  we  so  constantly 
associate  with  our  ideas  of  the  country  ;  and  yet,  before  that  sun  had 
even  set  which  now  gilded  the  landscape,  its  glories  would  be  re- 
placed by  the  lurid  glare  of  nightly  incendiarism,  and But 

here,  fortunately  for  my  reader,  and  perhaps  myself,  I  am  inter- 
rupted in  my  meditations  by  a  rich,  mellifluous  accent,  saying,  in 
the  true  Doric  of  the  south, — 

"  Mr.  Lorrequer  I  you're  welcome  to  Curryglass,  sir.  You've  had 
a  hot  day  for  your  march.  Maybe  you'd  take  a  taste  of  sherry 
before  dinner?  Well,  then,  we'll  not  wait  for  Molowny,  but  order 
it  up  at  once." 

So  saying,  I  was  ushered  into  a  long,  low  drawing-room,  in  which 
were  collected  together  about  a  dozen  men,  to  whom  I  was  specially 
and  severally  presented,  and  among  whom  I  was  happy  to  find  my 
boarding-house  acquaintance,  Mr.  Daly,  who,  with  the  others,  had 
arrived  that  same  day,  for  the  assizes,  and  who  were  all  members 
of  the  legal  profession,  either  barristers,  attorneys,  or  clerks  of  the 
peace. 

The  hungry  aspect  of  the  guests,  no  less  than  the  speed  with  which 
dinner  made  its  appearance  after  my  arrival,  showed  me  that  my 
coming  was  only  waited  for  to  complete  the  party — the  Mr.  Molowny 
before  alluded  to  being  unanimously  voted  present.  The  meal  itself 
had  but  slight  pretensions  to  elegance ;  there  were  no  delicacies  of 
Parisian  taste ;  no  triumphs  of  French  cookery  ;  but  in  their  place 
stood  a  lordly  fish  of  some  five-and-twenty  pounds  weight,  a  massive 
sirloin,  with  all  the  usual  armament  of  fowls,  ham,  pigeon-pie,  beef- 
steak, &c.,  lying  in  rather  a  promiscuous  order  along  either  side  of 
the  table.  The  party  were  evidently  disposed  to  be  satisfied,  and  I 
acknowledge  I  did  not  prove  an  exception  to  the  learned  individuals 
about  me,  either  in  my  relish  for  the  good  things,  or  my  appetite  to 
enjoy  them.  Dulce  est  desipcre  in  loco,  says  some  one,  by  which  I 
suppose  is  meant,  that  a  rather  slang  company  is  occasionally  good 
fun.  Whether  from  my  taste  for  the  "  humanities  "  or  not,  1  am 
unable  to  say,  but  certainly,  in  my  then  humor,  I  should  not  have 
exchanged  my  position  for  one  of  much  greater  pretensions  to 
elegance  and  ton.  There  was  first  a  general  onslaught  upon  the 
viands,  crashing  of  plates,  jingling  of  knives,  mingled  with  requests 
for  "more  beef,"  "  the  hard  side  of  the  salmon,"  or  "another  slice 
of  ham."    Then  came  a  dropping  fire  of  drinking  wine,  which 


DETACHMENT  DUTY.  179 

quickly  increased,  the  decanters  of  sherry  for  about  ten  minutoB 
resting  upon  the  table  about  as  long  as  Taglioni  touches  this  mortal 
earth  in  one  of  her  flying  movements.     Acquaintances  were  quickly 
formed  between  the  members  of  the  bar  and  myself,  and  I  found 
that  my  momentary  popularity  was  likely  to  terminate  in  my  down- 
fall ;  for  as  each  introduction  was  followed  by  a  bumper  of  strong 
sherry,  I  did  not  expect  to  last  till  the  end  of  the  feast.     The  cloth 
at  length  disappeared,  and  I  was  just  thanking  Providence  for  the 
respite  from  hob-nobbing  which  I  imagined  was  to  follow,  when  a 
huge,  square  decanter  of  whisky  appeared,  flanked  by  an  enormous  ' 
jug  of  boiling  water,  and  renewed  preparations  for  drinking  upon  a 
large  scale  seriously  commenced.     It  was  just  at  this  moment  that 
I,  for  the  first  time,  perceived  the  rather  remarkable  figure  who  had 
■waited  upon  us  at  dinner,  and  who,  while  I  chronicle  so  many  things 
of  little  import,  deserves  a  slight  mention.     He  was  a  little  old  man 
of  about  fifty-five  or  sixty  years,  wearing  upon  his  head  a  barrister's 
wig,  and  habited  in  clothes  which  originally  had  been  the  costume 
of  a  very  large  and  bulky  person,  and  which,  consequently,  added 
much  to  the  drollery  of  his  appearance.  He  had  been  for  forty  years 
the  servant  of  Judge  Vandeleur,  and  had  entered  his  present  service 
rather  in  the  light  of  a  preceptor  than  a  menial,  invariably  dictating 
to  the  worthy  justice  upon  every  occasion  of  etiquette  or  propriety, 
by  a  reference  to  what  "  the  judge  himself"  did,  which  always  suf- 
ficed to  carry  the  day  in  Nicholas's  favor,  opposition  to  so  correct  a 
standard  never  being  thought  of  by  the  justice. 

"That's  Billy  Crow's  own  whisky,  the  '  small  still,'  "  said  Nicholas, 
placing  the  decanter  upon  the  table ;  "  make  much  of  it,  for  there 
isn't  such  dew  in  the  county." 

With  this  commendation  upon  the  liquor,  Nicholas  departed,  and 
we  proceeded  to  fill  our  glasses. 

I  cannot  venture — perhaps  it  is  so  much  the  better  that  I  cannot — ■ 
to  give  any  idea  of  the  conversation  which  at  once  broke  out,  as  if 
the  barriers  that  restrained  it  had  at  length  given  way.  But  law- 
talk,  in  all  its  plenitude,  followed ;  and  for  two  hours  I  heard  of 
nothing  but  writs,  detainers,  declarations,  traverses  in  prox,  and 
alibis,  with  sundry  hints  for  qui  tarn  processes,  interspersed  occasion- 
ally with  sly  jokes  about  packing  juries  and  confounding  witnesses, 
among  which  figured  the  usual  number  of  good  things  attributed  to 
the  Chief  Baron  O'Grady  and  the  other  sayers  of  smart  sayings  at 
the  bar. 

"  Ah  !"  said  Mr.  Daly,  drawing  a  deep  sigh  at  the  same  instant, 
"  the  bar  is  sadly  fallen  off  since  I  was  called  in  the  year  '76.  There 
was  not  a  loader  in  one  of  the  circuits  at  that  time  that  couldn't 
puzzle  any  jury  that  ever  sat  in  a  box ;  and  as  for  driving  through 


180  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

an  act  of  parliament,  it  was,  as  Sanclio  Panza  says,  cakes  and  gin- 
gerbread to  them.  And,  then,  there  is  one  especial  talent  lost  for- 
ever to  the  present  generation — just  like  stained  glass  and  illumi- 
nated manuscripts,  and  slow  poisons  and  the  like — that  were  all 
known  years  ago — I  mean  the  beautiful  art  of  addressing  the  judge 
before  the  jury,  and  not  letting  them  know  you  were  quizzing  them, 
if  ye  like  to  do  that  same.  Poor  Peter  Purcell  for  that — rest  his 
ashes ! — he  could  cheat  the  devil  himself  if  he  had  need — and 
maybe  he  has  had,  before  now.  Peter  is  sixteen  years  dead  last 
November." 

"  And  what  was  Peter's  peculiar  tact  in  that  respect,  Mr.  Daly  ?" 
said  I. 

"  Oh,  then,  I  might  try  for  hours  to  explain  it  to  you  in  vain ;  but 
I'll  just  give  you  an  instance  that'll  show  you  better  than  all  my  dis- 
sertations on  the  subject,  and  I  was  present  myself  when  it  happened, 
more  by  token,  it  was  the  first  time  I  ever  met  him  on  circuit. 

"  I  suppose  there  is  scarcely  any  one  here  now,  except  myself,  that 
remembers  the  great  cause  of  Mills  versus  Mulcahy,  a  Avidow,  and 
others,  that  was  tried  in  Ennis,  in  the  year  '82.     It's  no  matter  if 
there  is  not.     Perhaps  it  may  be  more  agreeable  for  me,  for  I  can 
tell  my  story  in  my  own  way,  and  not  be  interrupted.     Well,  that 
was  called  '  The  old  record,'  for  they  tried  it  seventeen  times.     I  be- 
lieve, on  my  conscience,  it  killed  old  Jones,  who  was  in  the  Common 
Pleas ;  he  used  to  say,  if  he  put  it  for  trial  on  the  day  of  judgment, 
one  of  the  parties  would  be  sure  to  lodge  an  appeal.     Be  that  as  it 
may,  tJie  Millses  engaged  Peter  special,  and  brought  him  down  with 
a  great  retainer,  in  a  chaise-and-four,  flags  flying,  and  favors  in  the 
postilion's  hats,  and  a  fiddler  on  the  roof,  playing  the  'Hare  in  the 
Corn.'     The  inn  was  illuminated  the  same  evening,  and  Peter  made 
a  speech  from  the  windows  upon  the  liberty  of  the  press  and  reli- 
gious freedom  all  over  the  globe,  and  there  wasn't  a  man  in  the 
mob  who  didn't  cheer  him,  which  was  the  more  civil,  because  few 
of  them  knew  a  word  of  English,  and  the  others  thought  he  was  a 
playactor.     But  it  all  went  off  well,  nevertheless,  for  Peter  was  a 
clever  fellow ;  and  although  he  liked  money  well,  he  liked  popularity 
more,  and  he  never  went  anywhere  '  special'  that  he  hadn't  a  public 
meeting  of  some  kind  or  other,  either  to  abolish  rents,  or  suppress 
parsons,  or  some  such  popular  and  beneficial  scheme,  which  always 
made  him  a  great  favorite  with  the  people,  and  got  him  plenty  of 
clients.     But  I  am  wandering  from  the  record.     Purcell  came  down, 
as  I  said  before,  special  for  Mills ;  and  when  he  looked  over  his 
brief,  and  thought  of  the  case,  he  determined  to  have  it  tried  by  a 
gentlemen  jury,  for  although  he  was  a  groat  man  wilh  tlie  mob,  lie 
liked  the  country  gentlemen  better  in  the  jury-box,  for  he  waa 


DETACHMENT  DUTY.  181 

always  coming  out  with  quotations  from  the  classics,  which  whether 
the  grand  jury  understood  or  not,  they  always  applauded  very  much. 
Well,  when  he  came  into  court  that  morning,  you  may  guess  his 
surprise  and  mortification  to  find  tliat  the  same  jury  tlaat  had  tried 
a  common  ejectment  case  were  still  in  the  box,  and  waiting,  by  the 
Chief  Justice's  direction,  to  try  Mills  versus  Mulcahy,  the  great  case 
of  the  assizes. 

"  I  hear  they  were  a  set  of  common  clod-hopping  wretches,  with 
frieze  coats  and  brogues,  that  no  man  could  get  round  at  all,  for  they 
were  as  cunning  as  foxes,  and  could  tell  blarney  from  good  sense 
rather  better  than  peoi^le  with  better  coats  on  them. 

"  Now,  the  moment  tliat  Mr.  Purcell  came  into  the  court,  after 
bowing  politely  to  the  judge,  he  looked  up  to  the  box,  and  when  he 
saw  the  dirty  faces  of  the  dealers  in  pork  and  potatoes,  and  the  un- 
shaven chins  of  the  small  farmers,  his  heart  fell  within  him,  and  he 
knew  in  a  minute  how  little  they'd  care  for  the  classics — if  he 
quoted  '  Caesar's  Commentaries'  itself  for  them — ignorant  creatures 
as  they  were  I 

"  Well,  the  cause  was  called,  and  up  gets  Peter,  and  he  began  to 
*  express'  (as  he  always  called  it  himself)  '  the  great  distress  his  client 
and  himself  would  labor  under  if  the  patient  and  intelligent  jury 
then  on  the  panel  should  come  to  the  consideration  of  so  very  tedi- 
ous a  case  as  this  promised  to  be,  after  their  already  most  fatiguing 
exertions ;'  he  commented  upon  their  absence  from  their  wives 
and  families,  their  farms  neglected,  their  crops  hazarded,  and  in 
about  fifteen  minutes  he  showed  them  they  were,  if  not  speedily  re- 
leased and  sent  home,  worse  treated  and  harder  used  than  many  of 
the  prisoners  condemned  to  three  months'  imprisonment ;  and  actu- 
ally so  far  worked  upon  the  feelings  of  the  chief  himself,  that  he 
turned  to  the  foreman  of  the  jury,  and  said,  'that  although  it  was  a 
great  deviation  from  his  habitual  practice,  if  at  this  pressing  season 
their  prospects  were  involved  to  the  extent  the  learned  counsel  had 
pictured,  why,  then,  he  would  so  far  bend  his  practice  on  this  occa- 
sion, and  they  should  be  dismissed.'  Now  Peter,  I  must  confess, 
here  showed  the  most  culpable  ignorance  in  not  knowing  that  a  set 
of  country  fellows  put  up  in  a  jury  box  would  rather  let  every 
blade  of  corn  rot  in  the  ground  than  give  up  what  they  always  sup- 
posed so  very  respectable  an  appointment;  for  they  invariably 
imagine  in  these  cases  that  they  are  something  very  like  my  lord 
the  judge,  *  barrin'  the  ermine ;'  besides,  that  on  the  present  occa- 
sion, Peter's  argument  in  their  favor  decided  them  upon  staying, 
for  they  now  felt  like  martyrs,  and  firmly  believed  that  they  were 
putting  the  chief  justice  under  an  obligation  to  them  for  life. 
."  When,  therefore,  they  heard  the  question  of  the  court,  it  did 


182  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

not  take  a  moment's  time  for  the  whole  body  to  rise  en  masse,  and 
bowing  to  the  judge,  call  out,  '  We'll  stay,  my  lord,  and  try  every 
mother's  son  of  them  for  you ;  ay,  if  it  lasted  till  Christmas.' 

"  '  I  am  sure,  my  lord,'  said  Peter,  collecting  himself  for  an  effort, 
*  I  cannot  sufficiently  express  my  gratitude  for  the  great  sacrifice 
these  gifted  and  highly  intelligent  gentlemen  are  making  in  my 
client's  behalf;  for  being  persons  who  have  great  interests  in  the 
country  at  stake,  their  conduct  on  the  present  occasion  is  the  more 
praiseworthy ;  and  I  am  certain  they  fully  appreciate,  as  does  your 
lordship,  the  difficulty  of  the  case  before  us,  when  documents  will 
be  submitted  requiring  a  certain  degree  of  acquaintance  with  such 
testimonials  sufficiently  to  comprehend.  Many  of  the  title-deeds, 
as  your  lordship  is  aware,  being  obtained  under  old  abbey  charters, 
are  in  the  learned  languages ;  and  we  all  know  how  home  to  our 
hearts  and  bosoms  comes  the  beautiful  line  of  the  Greek  poet, 
"  Vacuus  viator  cantabit  ante  latronem."  '  The  sound  of  the  quo- 
tation roused  the  chief  justice,  who  had  been  in  some  measure  in- 
attentive to  the  preceding  part  of  the  learned  counsel's  address, 
and  he  called  out  rather  sharply,  '  Greek  1  Mr,  Purcell — why,  I 
must  have  mistaken — will  you  repeat  the  passage  ?' 

"  '  With  pleasure,  my  lord.  I  was  just  observing  to  your  lordship 
and  the  jury,  with  the  eloquent  poet  Hergesius,  "Vacuus  viator 
cantabit  ante  latronem." ' 

"'Greek,  did  you  call  it?' 

" '  Yes,  my  lord,  of  course  I  did.' 

"  '  Why,  Mr.  Purcell,  you  are  quoting  Latin  to  me  ;  and  what  do 
you  mean  by  talking  of  the  learned  Hergesius  and  Greek  all  this 
time  ? — the  line  is  Juvenal's.' 

" '  My  lord,  with  much  submission  to  your  lordship,  and  every 
deference  to  your  great  attainments  and  very  superior  talents,  let 
me  still  assure  you  that  I  am  quoting  Greek,  and  that  your  lordship 
is  in  error.' 

"'Mr.  Purcell,  I  have  only  to  remark  that  if  you  are  desirous  to 
make  a  jest  of  the  court,  you  had  better  be  cautious.  I  say,  sir' — and 
here  the  judge  waxed  exceeding  wroth — '  I  say  the  line  is  Latin — 
Latin,  sir — Juvenal's  Latin,  sir — every  schoolboy  knows  it,' 

" '  Of  course,  my  lord,'  said  Peter,  with  groat  humility,  '  I  bow 
myself  to  the  decision  of  your  lordship;  the  line  is,  therefore, 
Latin.  Yet  I  may  be  permitted  to  hint  that  were  your  lordship 
disposed  to  submit  this  question,  as  you  are  shortly  about  to  do 
another  and  a  similar  one,  to  those  clear-sighted  and  intelligent 
gentlemen  there,  I  am  satisfied,  my  lord,  it  would  be  Greek  to  every 
man  of  them.' 

"  The  look,  the  voice,  and  the  peculiar  emphasis  with  which  Peter 


THE  ASSIZE  town:  183 

gave  these  words  were  perfectly  successful.  The  acute  judge  antici- 
pated the  wish  of  the  counsel — the  jury  were  dismissed,  and  Peter 
proceeded  to  his  case  before  those  he  knew  better  how  to  deal 
with,  and  with  whom  the  result  was  more  certain  to  be  as  he 
wished  it." 

To  this  anecdote  of  the  counsellor  succeeded  many  others,  of 
A^hich,  as  the  whisky  was  potent  and  the  hour  late,  my  memory  is 
not  over  retentive :  the  party  did  not  break  up  till  near  four  o'clock, 
and  even  then,  our  stance  only  concluded  because  some  one  gravely 
remarked,  "  that  as  we  should  be  all  actively  engaged  on  the  mor- 
row, early  hours  were  advisable." 


CHAPTER   XX. 

THE  ASSIZE  TOWN. 

I  HAD  not  been  above  a  week  in  my  new  quarters  when  my 
servant  presented  me,  among  my  letters  one  morning,  with  a 
packet,  which,  with  considerable  pains,  I  at  length  recognized 
to  be  directed  to  me.  The  entire  envelope  was  covered  with  writing 
in  various  hands,  among  which  I  detected  something  which  bore  a 
faint  resemblance  to  my  name ;  but  the  address  which  followed  was 
perfectly  unreadable,  not  only  to  me,  as  it  appeared,  but  also  to  the 
"  experts  "  of  the  different  post-offices,  for  it  had  been  followed  by 
sundry  directions  to  try  various  places  beginning  with  T,  whicli 
seemed  to  be  the  letter  commencing  the  "great  unknoAvn  locality;" 
thus  I  read  "TryTralee,"  "Try  Tyrone,"  " Try  Tandoragee,"  <fec., 
&c.  I  wonder  that  they  didn't  add,  "  Try  Teheran,"  and  I  suppose 
they  would  at  last,  rather  than  abandon  the  pursuit. 

"  But,  Stubbes,"  said  I,  as  I  conned  over  the  various  addresses  on 
this  incomprehensible  cover,  "  are  you  sure  this  is  for  me?" 

"  The  postmaster,  sir,  desired  me  to  ask  if  you'd  have  it,  for  he 
has  offered  it  to  every  one  down  in  these  parts  lately ;  the  water- 
guard  officers  will  take  it  at  eightpence,  sir,  if  you  won't,  but  I 
begged  you  might  have  the  refusal." 

"  Oh  !  very  well ;  I  am  happy  to  find  matters  are  managed  so  im- 
partially in  the  post-ofl^ce  here.  Nothing  like  a  public  auction  for 
making  matters  find  their  true  level.  Tell  the  postmaster,  then,  I'll 
keep  the  letter,  and  the  rather  as  it  happens,  by  good  luck,  to  be  in- 
tended for  me." 

"And  now  for  the  interior,"  said  I,  as  I  broke  the  seal,  and 
read : — 


184  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

"  Paris,  Rue  Castiglione. 

"My Dear  Mr.  Lorrequer :— As  her  ladyship  and  my  son 

have  in  vain  essayed  to  get  anything  from  you  in  the  shape  of  reply 

to  their  letters,  it  has  devolved  upon  me  to  try  my  fortune,  which, 

were  I  to  augur  from  the  legibility  of  my  writing,  may  not,  I  should 

fear,  prove  more  successful  than  the" (what  can  the  word  be?) 

— — "the — the" — (why  it  can't  be  damnable,  surely? — no,  it  is 
amiable,  I  see) — "  than  the  amiable  epistle  of  my  lady.  I  cannot, 
however,  permit  myself  to  leave  this  without  apprising  you  that  we 
are  about  to  start  for  Baden,  where  we  purpose  remaining  a  month 
or  two.  Your  cousin  Guy,  who  has  been  staying  for  some  time 
with  us,  has  been  obliged  to  set  out  for  Geneva,  but  hopes  to  join 
in  some  weeks  hence.  He  is  a  great  favorite  with  us  all,  but  has 
not  effaced  the  memory  of  our  older  friend,  yourself.  Could  you 
not  find  means  to  come  over  and  see  us,  if  only  a  flying  visit  ?  Rot- 
terdam is  the  route,  and  a  few  days  would  bring  you  to  our  quarters. 
Hoping  that  you  may  feel  so  disposed,  I  have  enclosed  herewith  a 
letter  to  the  Horse  Guards,  which  I  trust  may  facilitate  your  obtain- 
ing leave  of  absence.  I  know  of  no  other  mode  of  making  your 
peace  with  the  ladies,  who  are  too  highly  incensed  at  your  desertion 
to  send  one  civil  postscript  to  this  letter,  and  Kilkee  and  myself  are 
absolutely  exhausted  in  our  defence  of  you. 

"  Believe  me,  yours  truly, 

"  Callonby." 

Had  I  received  an  official  notification  of  my  being  appointed  pay- 
master to  the  forces,  or  chaplain  to  Chelsea  Hospital,  I  believe  I 
should  have  received  the  information  with  less  surprise  than  I  pe- 
rused this  letter.  That,  after  the  long  interval  which  had  elapsed; 
during  which  I  had  considered  myself  totally  forgotten  by  this 
family,  I  should  now  receive  a  letter — and  such  a  letter,  too — quite 
in  the  vein  of  our  former  intimacy  and  good  feeling,  inviting  me  to 
their  house,  and  again  professing  their  willingness  that  I  should  be 
on  the  terms  of  our  old  familiarity,  was  little  short  of  wonderful  to 
me.  I  read,  too— with  what  pleasure  !— that  slight  mention  of  my 
cousin,  whom  I  had  so  long  regarded  as  my  successful  rival,  but 
who  I  began  now  to  hope  had  not  been  preferred  to  me.  Perhaps  it 
was  not  yet  too  late  to  think  that  all  was  not  hopeless.  It  appeared, 
too,  that  several  letters  had  been  written  which  had  never  reached 
me ;  so,  while  I  accused  them  of  neglect  and  forgetfulness,  I  was 
really  more  amenable  to  the  charge  myself;  for,  from  the  moment 
I  had  hoard  of  my  cousin  Guy's  having  been  domesticated  amongst 
them,  and  the  rumors  of  his  marriage  had  reached  me,  I  suffered  my 
absurd  jealousy  to  blind  my  reason,  and  never  wrote  another  line 


THE  ASSIZE  TO  WN.  185 

after.  I  ought  to  have  known  how  bavard  Guy  always  was ;  that  he 
never  met  with  the  most  commonplace  attentions  anywhere  that  he 
did  not  immediately  write  home  about  settlements  and  pin-money, 
and  portions  for  younger  children,  and  all  that  sort  of  nonsense. 
Now  I  saw  it  all  plainly,  and  ten  thousand  times  quicker  than  my 
hopes  were  extinguished  before,  they  were  again  kindled,  and  I 
could  not  refrain  from  regarding  Lady  Jane  as  a  mirror  of  con- 
stancy, and  myself  the  most  fortunate  man  in  Europe.  My  old 
castle-building  propensities  came  back  upon  me  in  an  instant,  and 
I  pictured  myself,  with  Lady  Jane  as  my  companion,  wandering 
among  the  beautiful  scenery  of  the  Ncckar,  beneath  the  lofty  ruins 
of  Heidelberg,  or  skimming  the  placid  surface  of  the  Rhine,  while, 
"  mellowed  by  distance,"  came  the  rich  chorus  of  a  student's 
melody,  filling  the  air  with  its  flood  of  song.  How  delightful,  I 
thought,  to  be  reading  the  lyrics  of  Uhland,  or  Burger,  with  one  so 
capable  of  appreciating  them,  with  all  the  hallowed  associations  of 
the  "  Vaterland "  about  us!  "Yes,"  said  I,  aloud,  repeating  the 
well-known  line  of  a  German  "  Lied": — 

"  Bekrantz  mit  Laub,  den  lieben  vollen  Becher." 

"  Upon  my  conscience,"  said  Mr.  Daly,  who  had  for  some  time 
past  been  in  silent  admiration  of  my  stage-struck  appearance — 
"  upon  my  conscience,  Mr.  Lorrequer,  I  had  no  conception  you 
knew  Irish." 

The  mighty  talisman  of  the  counsellor's  voice  brought  me  back 
in  a  moment  to  a  consciousness  of  where  I  was  then  standing,  and 
the  still  more  unfortunate  fact  that  I  was  only  a  subaltern  in  his 
Majesty's  4 — th. 

"  Why,  my  dear  counsellor,  that  was  German  I  was  quoting,  not 
Irish." 

"  With  all  my  heart,"  said  Mr.  Daly, — breaking  the  top  off  his 
third  egg, — "  with  all  my  heart ;  I'd  rather  you'd  talk  it  than  me. 
Much  conversation  in  that  tongue,  I'm  thinking,  would  be  mighty 
apt  to  loosen  one's  teeth." 

"  Not  at  all ;  it  is  the  most  beautiful  language  in  Europe,  and  the 
most  musical  too.  Why,  even  for  your  own  peculiar  taste  in  such 
matters,  where  can  you  find  any  language  so  rich  in  Bacchanalian 
songs  as  German  ?" 

"  I'd  rather  hear  the  '  Cruiskeen  Lawn,'  or  the  *  Jug  of  Punch,'  as 
my  old  friend  Pat  Samson  could  sing  them,  than  a  score  of  your 
high  Dutch  jaw-breakers." 

"  Shame  upon  ye,  Mr.  Daly !  and  for  pathos,  for  true  feeling, 
where  is  there  anything  equal  to  Schiller's  ballads?" 

"  I  don't  think  I've  ever  heard  any  of  his ;  but  if  you  will  talk  of 


186  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

ballads,"  said  the  counsellor,  "  give  me  old  Mosey  M'Garry's  ;  what's 
finer  than" — (and  here  he  began,  with  a  most  nasal  twang  and  dolo- 
rous emphasis,  to  sing) — 

" '  And  I  stcpp'd  up  unto  her,  ^ 

An'  I  made  a  congee, — 
And  I  ax'd  her  her  pardon 
For  the  making  so  free.' 

And  then  the  next  verse  she  says, — 

" '  Are  you  goin'  to  undo  me, 
In  this  desert  alone  ?'^— 

There's  a  shake  there." 

"  For  Heaven's  sake,"  I  cried,  "  stop  I  when  I  spoke  of  ballads,  I 
never  meant  such  infernal  stuff  as  that." 

"  I'll  not  give  up  my  knowledge  of  ballads  to  any  man  breathing," 
said  Mr.  Daly ;  "  and  with  God's  blessing,  I'll  sing  you  one  this 
evening,  after  dinner,  that  will  give  you  a  cramp  in  the  stomach." 

An  animated  discussion  upon  lyrical  poetry  was  here  interrupted 
by  a  summons  from  our  host  to  set  out  for  the  town.  My  party 
were,  by  the  desire  of  the  magistracy,  to  be  in  readiness  near  the 
court-house,  in  the  event  of  any  serious  disturbance,  which  there 
existed  but  too  much  reason  to  apprehend,  from  the  highly-excited 
state  of  feeling  on  the  subject  of  the  approaching  trials.  The  sol- 
diers were,  under  the  guidance  of  Mr.  Larkins,  safely  ensconced  in 
a  tan-yard ;  and  I  myself  having  consigned  them  for  the  present  to 
a  non-commissioned  officer,  was  left  at  perfect  liberty  to  dispose  of 
my  time  and  person  as  it  might  please  me. 

While  these  arrangements  were  taking  place,  I  had  entirely  lost 
sight  of  Mr.  Daly,  under  whose  guidance  and  protection  I  trusted  to 
obtain  a  place  within  the  bar  to  hear  the  trials ;  so  that  I  was  now 
perfectly  alone,  for  my  host's  numerous  avocations  entirely  pre- 
cluded any  thoughts  of  my  putting  myself  under  his  care. 

My  first  object  was  to  reach  the  court-house,  and  there  could  be 
little  difficulty  in  finding  it,  for  the  throng  of  persons  in  the  street 
were  all  eagerly  bending  their  way  thither.  I  accordingly  followed 
with  the  stream,  and  sooii  found  myself  among  an  enormous  multi- 
tude of  frieze-coated  and  red-cloaked  people,  of  both  sexes,  in  a 
large  open  square,  which  formed  the  market-place,  one  side  of  which 
was  flanked  by  the  court-house — for  as  such  I  immediately  recog- 
nized a  massive-looking  gray  stone  building — in  which  the  numer- 
ous windows,  all  open  and  filled  with  people,  exhaled  a  continued 
steam  from  the  crowded  atmosphere  within.  To  approach  it  was 
perfectly  impossible,  for  the  square  was  packed  so  closely,  that  as 
the  people  approached  by  the  various  streets,  they  were  obliged  to 


THE  ASSIZE  TOWN.  187 

stand  in  the  avenues  leading  to  it,  and  regard  what  was  going  on 
from  a  distance.  Of  this  large  multitude  I  soon  became  one,  hoping 
that  at  Ic'iigtli  some  fortunate  opportunity  niiglit  enable  me  to  obtain 
admission  through  some  of  my  legal  acquaintances. 

That  the  fate  of  those  who  were  then  upon  their  trial  for  their 
lives  absorbed  the  entire  feelings  of  those  without,  a  momentary 
glance  at  the  hundreds  of  anxious  and  careworn  faces  in  the  crowd 
would  completely  satisfy.  Motionless  and  silent  they  stood :  they 
felt  no  fatigue — no  want  of  food  or  refreshment — their  interest  was 
one  and  uudivided — all  their  hopes  and  fears  were  centred  in  the 
events  then  passing  at  a  short  distance  from  them,  but  to  which 
their  ignorance  imparted  an  additional  and  more  painful  excitement 
— the  only  information  of  how  matters  were  going  on  being  by  an 
occasional  word,  sometimes  a  mere  gesture,  from  some  one  sta- 
tioned in  the  windows,  to  a  friend  in  the  crowd. 

When  the  contemplation  of  this  singularly  impressive  scene  was 
beginning  to  weary,  from  the  irksomeness  of  my  position,  I  thought 
of  retiring,  but  soon  discovered  how  impossible  was  such  a  step. 
The  crowd  had  so  completely  blocked  up  all  the  avenues  of  ap- 
proach, that  even  had  I  succeeded  in  getting  from  the  market-place, 
it  would  be  only  to  remain  firmly  impacted  among  the  mob  in  the 
street. 

It  now  also  occurred  to  me,  that  although  I  had  been  assured  by 
Larkins  no  call  could  possibly  be  made  upon  my  services  or  those  of 
my  party  till  after  the  trial,  yet  were  that  to  conclude  at  any 
moment,  I  should  be  perfectly  unable  to  gain  the  place  where  I  had 
stationed  them,  and  the  most  serious  consequences  might  ensue 
from  the  absence  of  their  officer  if  the  men  were  required  to  act. 

From  the  time  this  thought  took  possession  of  me,  I  became 
excessively  uncomfortable.  Every  expression  of  the  people  that 
denoted  the  progress  of  the  trial  only  alarmed  me  for  the  conclusion, 
which  I  supposed  might  not  be  distant,  and  I  began,  with  all  my 
ingenuity,  to  attempt  my  retreat,  which,  aiter  half  an  hour's  severe 
struggle,  I  completely  abandoned,  finding  myself  scarcely  ten  yards 
from  where  I  started. 

At  length  the  counsel  for  the  Crown,  who  had  been  speaking  to 
evidence,  ceased ;  and  an  indistinct  murmur  was  heard  through  the 
court-house,  which  was  soon  repressed  by  the  voice  of  the  crier  call- 
ing "Silence I"  All  now  seemed  still  and  silent  as  the  grave;  yet, 
on  listening  attentively,  for  some  time,  you  could  catch  the  low 
tones  of  a  voice  speaking,  as  it  appeared,  with  great  deliberation 
and  slowness.  This  was  the  judge  addressing  the  jury.  In  a  short 
time  this  also  ceased  ;  and  for  about  half  an  hour  the  silence  was 
perfectly  unbroken,  and  both  within  and  without  there  reigned  one 


188  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

intense  and  aching  sense  of  anxiety  that  absorbed  every  feeling,  and 
imparted  to  every  face  an  expression  of  almost  agonizing  uncer- 
tainty. It  was,  indeed,  a  moment  well  calculated  to  excite  such 
emotions.  The  jury  had  retired  to  deliberate  upon  their  verdict. 
At  length  a  door  was  heard  to  open,  and  the  footsteps  of  the  jury,  as 
they  resumed  their  places,  sounded  through  the  court,  and  were 
heard  by  those  without.  How  heavily  upon  many  a  stout  heart 
those  footsteps  fell !  They  had  taken  their  seats.  Then  came 
another  pause,  after  which  the  monotonous  tones  of  the  clerk  of  the 
court  were  heard  addressing  the  jury  for  their  verdict.  As  the  fore- 
man rises,  every  ear  is  bent — every  eye  strained — every  heartstring 
vibrates.  His  lips  move,  but  he  is  not  heard ;  he  is  desired  by  the 
judge  to  speak  louder ;  there  is  another  pause — he  appears  to  labor 
for  a  few  seconds  with  a  mighty  effort.  At  last  he  pronounces  the 
words,  "  Guilty,  my  lord — all  guilty  1" 

I  have  heard  the  wild  war-whoop  of  the  Ked  Indian,  as,  in  his 
own  pine  forest,  he  has  unexpectedly  come  upon  the  track  of  his  foe, 
and  the  almost  extinguished  hope  of  vengeance  has  been  kindled 
again  in  his  cruel  heart ;  I  have  listened  to  the  scarcely  less  savage 
hurrah  of  a  storming  party,  as  they  have  surmounted  the  crumbling 
ruins  of  a  breach,  and  devoted  to  fire  and  sword,  with  that  one  yell, 
all  who  await  them ;  and  once  in  my  life  it  has  been  my  fortune  to 
have  heard  the  last  yell  of  defiance  from  a  pirate  crew,  as  they  sank 
beneath  the  raking  fire  of  a  frigate,  rather  than  surrender,  and  went 
down  with  a  cheer  of  defiance  that  rose  even  above  the  red  artillery 
that  destroyed  but  could  not  subdue  them ;  but  never,  in  any  or  all 
of  these  awful  moments,  did  my  heart  vibrate  to  such  sounds  as 
rent  the  air  when  the  fatal  "Guilty"  was  heard  by  those  within,  and 
repeated  to  those  without.  It  was  not  grief — it  was  not  despair — 
neither  was  it  the  cry  of  sharp  and  irrepressible  anguish,  from  a 
suddenly  blighted  hope ;  but  it  was  a  long  pent-up  and  carefully- 
concealed  burst  of  feeling  which  called  aloud  for  vengeance — red 
and  reeking  revenge  upon  all  who  had  been  instrumental  in  the 
sentence  then  delivered.  It  ceased,  and  I  looked  towards  the  court- 
house, expecting  that  an  immediate  and  desperate  attack  upon  the 
building  and  those  whom  it  contained  would  at  once  take  place. 
But  nothing  of  the  kind  ensued  ;  the  mob  were  already  beginning  to 
disperse,  and  before  I  recovered  perfectly  from  the  excitement  of  these 
few  and  terrible  moments,  the  square  was  nearly  empty,  and  I  almost 
felt  as  if  the  wild  and  frantic  denunciation  that  still  rang  through 
my  ears  had  been  conjured  up  by  a  heated  and  fevered  imagination. 

When  I  again  met  our  party  at  the  dinner-table,  I  could  not 
help  feeling  surprised  on  perceiving  how  little  they  sympathized  in 
my  feeling  for  the  events  of  the  day ;  which,  indeed,  they  only 


THE  ASSIZE  TOWN.  189 

allu<lcd  to  in  a  professional  point  of  view — criticising  the  speeches 
of  tlie  counsel  on  both  sides,  and  the  character  of  the  dilfercnt 
witnesses  who  were  exuniined. 

"  Well,"  said  Mr.  Daly,  addressing  our  host,  "  you  never  could 
have  had  a  conviction  to-day,  if  it  wasn't  for  Mike.  He's  the  best 
evidence  I  ever  heard.  I'd  like  to  know  very  much  how  you  ever 
got  so  clever  a  fellow  completely  in  your  clutches?" 

"By  a  mere  accident,  and  very  simply,"  replied  the  justice.  "It 
was  upon  one  of  our  most  crowded  fair  days — half  the  county  was 
in  town,  when  the  information  arrived  that  the  Walshes  were  mur- 
dered the  night  before  at  the  cross-roads  above  Telenamuck  mills. 
The  news  reached  me  as  I  was  signing  some  tithe  warrants,  one  of 
•which  was  against  Mickey.  I  sent  for  him  into  the  office,  knowing 
that,  as  he  was  in  the  secret  of  all  the  evil  doings,  I  might  as  well 
pretend  to  do  him  a  service,  and  offer  to  stop  the  warrant  out  of 
kindness,  as  it  were.  Well,  one  way  or  another,  he  was  kept  waiting 
several  hours  while  I  was  engaged  in  writing,  and  all  the  country 
people,  as  they  passed  the  window,  could  look  in  and  see  Mickey 
Sheehan  standing  before  me,  while  I  was  employed  busily  writing 
letters.  It  was  just  at  this  time  that  a  mounted  policeman  rode  in 
with  the  account  of  the  murder;  upon  which  I  immediately  issued 
a  warrant  to  arrest  the  two  MacNeills  and  Owen  Shirley  upon  sus- 
picion. I  thought  I  saw  Mike  turn  pale  as  I  said  the  names  over  to 
the  sergeant  of  police,  and  I  at  once  determined  to  turn  it  to 
account;  so  I  immediately  began  talking  to  Mickey  about  his  own 
afliiirs,  breaking  off  every  now  and  then,  to  give  some  directions 
about  the  men  to  be  captured.  The  crowd  outside  was  increasing 
every  instant,  and  you  need  not  have  looked  at  their  faces  twice  to 
perceive  that  they  had  regarded  Mickey  as  an  approver ;  and  the 
same  night  that  saw  the  MacNeills  in  custody,  witnessed  the  burning 
of  Sheehan's  house  and  haggart,  and  he  only  escaped  by  a  miracle 
over  to  Curryglass,  where,  once  under  my  protection,  with  the  impu- 
tation upon  his  character  of  having  turned  king's  evidence,  I  had 
little  trouble  in  persuading  him  that  he  might  as  well  benefit  by  the 
report  as  enjoy  the  name  without  the  gain.  He  soon  complied,  and 
the  convictions  of  this  day  are  partly  the  result." 

When  the  applause  which  greeted  this  clever  stroke  of  our  host 
had  subsided,  I  inquired  what  results  might  in  all  likelihood  follow 
the  proceedings  of  which  I  had  that  day  been  a  witness. 

"Nothing  will  be  done  immediately,"  replied  the  justice,  "because 
we  have  a  large  force  of  police  and  military  about  us ;  but  let  either, 
or  unhappily  both,  be  withdrawn,  and  the  cry  you  heard  given  in 
the  market-place  to-d;iy  will  be  the  dcath-Avail  for  more  than  one  of 
those  who  are  well  and  hearty  at  this  moment." 


1 90  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

The  train  of  thought  inevitably  forced  upon  me  by  all  I  had  been 
a  spectator  of  during  the  day  but  little  disposed  me  to  be  a  partaker 
in  the  mirth  and  conviviality  which,  as  usual,  formed  the  staple  of 
the  assize  dinners  of  Mr.  Larkins  ;  and  I  accordingly  took  an  early 
opportunity  to  quit  the  company  and  retire  for  the  night. 


CHAPTER    XXI. 

A  DAY  IN  DUBLIN. 

N  the  third  day  of  my  residence  at  Curryglass,  arrived  my 
friend  Mortimer  to  replace  me,  bringing  my  leave  from  the 
colonel,  and  a  most  handsome  letter,  in  Avhich  he  again 
glanced  at  the  prospect  before  me  in  the  Callonby  family,  and  hinted 
at  my  destination,  which  I  had  not  alluded  to,  adding,  that  if  I 
made  the  pretence  of  study  in  Germany  the  reason  for  my  applica- 
tion at  the  Horse  Guards,  I  should  be  almost  certain  to  obtain  a 
six  months'  leave.  With  what  spirits  I  ordered  Stubbes  to  pack  up 
my  portmanteau,  and  secure  our  places  in  the  Dublin  mail  for  that 
night,  while  I  myself  hurried  to  take  leave  of  my  kind  entertainer 
and  his  guests,  as  well  as  to  recommend  to  their  favor  and  attention 
my  excellent  friend  Mortimer.  He,  being  a  jovial  fellow,  not  at  all 
in  love,  was  a  happy  exchange  for  me,  since,  despite  Daly's  capital 
stories,  I  had  spent  the  last  two  days  in  watching  the  high  road  for 
my  successor's  arrival. 

Once  more,  then,  I  bade  adieu  to  Curryglass  and  its  hospitable 
owner,  whose  labors  for  "justice  to  Ireland  "  I  shall  long  remember, 
and  depositing  myself  in  the  bowels  of  his  Majesty's  mail,  gave  way 
to  the  full  current  of  my  hopes  and  imaginings,  which  at  last  ended 
in  a  sound  and  refreshing  sleep,  from  which  I  only  awoke  as  we 
drew  up  at  the  door  of  the  "  Hibernian  "  in  Dawson  street. 

Even  at  that  early  hour  there  was  considerable  bustle  and  activity 
of  preparation,  which  I  was  at  some  loss  to  account  for,  till  informed 
by  the  waiter  that  there  Avere  upwards  of  three  hundred  strangers  in 
the  house,  it  being  the  day  of  his  Majesty's  expected  arrival  on  his 
visit  to  Ireland,  and  a  very  considerable  section  of  the  county  of 
Galway  being  at  that  moment,  with  their  wives  and  families, 
installed  for  the  occasion  in  this  their  favorite  hotel. 

Although  I  had  been  reading  of  this  approaching  event  every  day 
for  the  last  three  months,  I  could  not  help  feeling  surprised  at  the 
intense  appearance  of  excitement  it  occasioned,  and  in  the  few  min- 
utes' conversation  I  held  with  the  waiter,  learned  of  the  total  impos- 


A  DA  Y  IN  DVULIN.  191 

Bibility  of  procuring  a  lodging  anywhere,  and  that  I  could  not  have 
a  bed,  even  were  I  to  offer  five  guintas  for  it.  Having,  tlierefore, 
no  inclination  for  sleep,  even  upon  easier  terms,  I  ordered  my  break- 
fast to  be  ready  at  ten,  and  set  out  upon  a  stroll  through  the  town. 
I  could  not  help,  in  my  short  ramble  through  the  streets,  perceiving 
liow  admirably  adapted  were  the  worthy  Dublinites  for  all  the 
honors  that  awaited  tliem  ;  garlands  of  flowers,  transparencies,  flags, 
and  the  other  insignia  of  rejoicing,  were  everywhere  in  preparation, 
and,  at  the  end  of  Sackville  street,  a  considerable  erection,  very 
much  resembling  an  impromptu  gallows,  was  being  built,  for  the 
purpose,  as  I  afterwards  learned,  of  giving  the  worshipful  the  lord 
mayor  the  opportunity  of  opening  the  city  gates  to  royalty — creating 
the  obstacle  where  none  existed  being  a  very  ingenious  conceit,  and 
considerably  Irish  into  the  bargain.  I  could  not  help  feeling  some 
desire  to  witness  how  all  should  go  off,  to  use  the  theatrical  phrase; 
but  in  my  anxiety  to  get  on  to  the  Continent,  I  at  once  abandoned 
every  thought  of  delay.  When  I  returned  to  the  coffee-room  of  my 
hotel,  I  found  it  crowded  to  excess ;  every  little  table,  originally  des- 
tined for  the  accommodation  of  one,  had  at  least  two,  and  some- 
times three,  occupants.  In  my  hurried  glance  round  the  room,  to 
decide  where  I  should  place  myself,  I  was  considerably  struck  with 
the  appearance  of  a  stout  elderly  gentleman  with  red  whiskers,  and 
a  high,  bald  forehead  ;  he  had,  although  the  day  was  an  oppressively 
hot  one,  three  waistcoats  on,  and  by  the  brown  York  tan  of  his  long- 
topped  boots,  evinced  a  very  considerable  contempt  either  for 
weather  or  fashion  ;  in  the  quick  glance  of  his  sharp  gray  eye  I  read 
that  he  listened  half  doubtingly  to  the  narrative  of  his  companion, 
whose  back  was  turned  towards  me,  but  who  appeared,  from  the 
occasional  words  which  reached  me,  to  be  giving  a  rather  marvel- 
lous and  melodramatic  version  of  the  expected  pleasures  of  the  capi- 
tal. There  was  something  in  the  tone  of  the  speaker's  voice  that  I 
thought  I  recognized ;  I  accordingly  dretr  near,  and  what  was  my 
surprise  to  discover  my  friend  Tom  O'Flaherty.  After  our  first  salu- 
tation was  over,  Tom  presented  me  to  his  friend,  Mr.  Burke,  of 
somewhere,  who,  he  continued  to  inform  me,  in  a  stage  whisper,  was 
a  "  regular  quiz,"  and  never  in  Dublin  in  his  life  before. 

"And  so  you  say,  sir,  that  his  Majesty  cannot  enter  without  the 
permission  of  the  lord  mayor?" 

"  And  the  aldermen,  too,"  replied  Tom,  "  It  is  an  old  feudal  cere- 
mony ;  when  his  Majesty  comes  up  to  the  gate,  he  demands  admis- 
sion, and  the  lord  maj'or  refuses,  because  he  would  be  thus  surren- 
dering his  great  prerogative  of  head  of  the  city  ;  then  the  aldermen 
get  about  him,  and  cajole  him,  and  by  degree-s  he's  won  over  by  the 
promise  of  being  kniglited,  and  the  king  gains  the  day,  and  enters." 


192  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

"  Upon  my  conscience,  a  mighty  ridiculous  ceremony  it  is,  after 
all,"  said  Mr.  Burke,  "  and  very  like  a  bargain  for  sheep  in  Ballin- 
asloe  fair,  when  the  buyer  and  seller  appear  to  be  going  to  fight,  till 
a  mutual  friend  settles  the  bargain  between  them." 

At  this  moment  Mr.  Burke  suddenly  sprang  from  his  chair,  which 
was  nearest  the  window,  to  look  out;  I  accordingly  followed  his 
example,  and  beheld  a  rather  ludicrous  procession,  if  such  it  could 
be  called,  consisting  of  so  few  persons.  The  principal  individual 
in  the  group  was  a  florid,  fat,  happy-looking  gentleman  of  about 
fifty,  with  a  profusion  of  nearly  white  whiskers,  which  met  at  his 
chin,  mounted  upon  a  sleek  charger,  whose  half-ambling,  half- 
prancing  pace,  had  evidently  been  acquired  by  long  habit  of  going 
in  procession ;  this  august  figure  was  habited  in  a  scarlet  coat  and 
cocked-hat,  having  "tags,"  and  all  the  other  appanage  of  a  general 
officer ;  he  also  wore  tight  buckskin  breeches,  and  high  jack-boots, 
like  those  of  the  Horse  Guards ;  as  he  looked  from  side  to  side,  with 
a  self-satisfied,  contented  air,  he  appeared  quite  insensible  of  the 
cortege  which  followed  and  preceded  him — the  latter  consisting  of 
some  score  of  half-ragged  boys,  yelling  and  shouting  with  all  their 
might,  and  the  former  being  a  kind  of  instalment  in  hand  of  the 
Dublin  Militia  Band,  and  who,  in  numbers  and  equipment,  closely 
resembled  the  "  army"  which  accompanies  the  first  appearance  of 
Bombastes,  the  only  difference  being  that  these  I  speak  of  did  not 
play  the  "Rogue's  March,"  which  might  have  perhaps  appeared 
personal. 

As  this  goodly  procession  advanced,  Mr.  Burke's  eyes  became 
riveted  upon  it;  it  was  the  first  wonder  he  had  yet  beheld,  and  he 
devoured  it. 

"  May  I  ask,  sir,"  said  he,  at  length,  "  who  that  is  ?" 

"  Who  that  is  I"  said  Tom,  surveying  him  leisurely  as  he  spoke ; 
"why  surely,  sir,  you  must  be  jesting,  or  you  would  not  ask  such  a 
question ;  I  trust,  indeed,  every  one  knows  who  he  is.  Eh,  Harry?" 
said  he,  looking  at  me  for  a  confirmation  of  wliat  he  said,  and  to 
which,  of  course,  I  assented  by  a  look. 

"  Well,  but,  my  dear  Mr.  O'Flaherty,  you  forget  how  ignorant  I 
am  of  everything  here " 

"  Ah,  true,"  said  Tom,  interrupting ;  "  I  forget  you  never  saw 
him  before." 

"  And  who  is  he,  sir?" 

"  Why,  that's  the  Duke  of  Wellington,  sir  I" 

"Lord  have  mercy  upon  me,  is  it?"  said  Mr.  Burke,  as  he  upset 
the  table,  and  all  its  breakfast  equipage,  and  rushed  through  the 
coffee-room  like  one  possessed.  Before  I  could  Iialf  recover  from 
the  fit  of  laughing  this  event  threw  me  into,  I  heard  him  as  he  ran 


A  DAY  IN  DVIiLIN.  193 

full  speed  flown  Dawson  street,  waving  his  hat,  and  shouting  at  the 
top  of  his  lungs,  "  God  bless  your  Grace  I — Long  life  to  your 
Grace  I — Hurrah  for  the  hero  of  Waterloo ! — the  great  captain  of 
the  age  I"  &c.,  &c.,  which  I  grieve  to  say,  for  the  ingratitude  of  the 
individual  lauded,  seemed  not  to  afford  him  half  the  pleasure,  and 
none  of  the  amusement,  it  did  the  mob,  who  re-echoed  the  shouts 
and  cheering  till  he  was  hid  within  the  precincts  of  the  Mansion 
House. 

"  And  now,"  said  Tom  to  me,  "  finish  your  breakfast  as  fast  as 
possible;  for,  when  Burke  comes  back,  he  will  be  boring  me  to  dine 
with  him,  or  some  such  thing,  as  a  kind  of  acknowledgment  of  his 
gratitude  for  showing  him  the  Duke.  Do  you  know,  he  has  seen 
more  wonders  through  my  poor  instrumentality  within  the  hist 
three  days  in  Dublin  than  a  six  months'  trip  to  the  Continent 
would  show  most  men.  I  have  made  him  believe  that  Burke  Bethel 
is  Lord  Brougham,  and  I  am  about  to  bring  him  to  a  soiree  at 
Miladi's,  whom  he  supposes  to  be  the  Marchioness  of  Conyngham. 
A  propos  to  the  dear  '  Blew,'  let  me  tell  you  of  a  '  good  hit'  I  was 
witness  to  a  few  nights  since.  You  know,  perhaps,  old  Sir  Charles 
Giesecke,  eh  ?" 

"  I  have  seen  him  once,  I  think, — the  professor  of  mineralogy." 

"  Well,  poor  old  Sir  Charles,  one  of  the  most  modest  and  retiring 
men  in  existence,  was  standing  the  other  night  among  the  mob,  in 
one  of  the  drawing-rooms,  while  a  waltzing-party  were  figuring 
away,  at  which,  with  that  fondness  for  la  danse  that  characterizes 
every  German  of  any  age,  he  was  looking  with  much  interest,  when 
my  lady  came  tripping  up,  and  the  following  short  dialogue  ensued 
within  my  ear-shot : — 

"  '  Ah,  mon  cher  Sir  Charles,  ravi  de  vous  voir.  But  why  are  you 
not  dancing?' 

"  '  Ah,  miladi,  je  ne  puis  pas,  c'est-^-dire,  ich  kann  es  nicht ;  I  am 
too  old ;  ich  bin ' 

"  '  Oh,  you  horrid  man  !  I  understand  you  perfectly.  You  hate 
ladies,  that  is  the  real  reason.     You  do — you  know  you  do.' 

" '  Ah,  miladi,  gniidige  Frau ;  glaubcn  sie  mich ;  I  do  loave  de 
ladies ;  I  do  adore  de  sex.  Do  you  know,  miladi,  when  I  was  in 
Greenland  I  did  keep  four  womans.' 

"  '  Oh,  shocking,  horrid,  vile  Sir  Charles  I  how  could  you  tell  me 
such  a  story?     I  shall  die  of  it  I' 

"Ah,  mine  Gott,  miladi,  sie  irren  sich  ;  vous  vous  trompez.  You 
are  quite  in  mistake ;  it  was  only  to  row  mi/  boat  /' 

"  I  leave  you  to  guess  how  my  lady's  taste  for  the  broadside  of 
the  story,  and  poor  Sir  Charles's  vindication  of  himself,  in  regard  to 
his  estimation  of  le  beau  sexe,  amused  all  who  heard  it ;  as  for  me,  I 
13 


194  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

had  to  leave  the  room,  half  choked  with  suppressed  laughter.  And 
now,  let  us  bolt,  for  I  see  Burke  coming,  and,  upon  my  soul,  I  am 
tired  of  telling  him  lies,  and  must  rest  on  my  oars  for  a  few  hours  at 
least." 

"But  where  is  the  necessity  for  so  doing?"  said  I;  "surely, 
where  there  is  so  much  of  novelty  as  a  large  city  presents  to  a 
visitor  for  the  first  time  there  is  little  occasion  to  draw  upon  imagi- 
nation for  your  facts." 

"Ah,  my  dear  Harry,  how  little  do  you  know  of  life  1  There  is  a 
kind  of  man  whose  appetite  for  the  marvellous  is  such,  that  he  must 
be  crammed  with  miracles  or  he  dies  of  inanition,  and  you  might  as 
well  attempt  to  feed  a  tiger  upon  pdt^  de/oie  gras,  as  satisfy  him  by 
mere  naked  unvarnished  truth.  I'll  just  give  you  an  easy  illustra- 
tion :  You  saw  his  delight  this  morning  when  the  *  Duke '  rode  past ; 
well,  I'll  tell  you  the  converse  of  that  proposition  now.  The  night 
before  last,  having  nothing  better  to  do,  we  went  to  the  theatre ;  the 
piece  was  La  Perouse,  which  they  have  been  inlaying  here  for  the 
last  two  months  to  crowded  houses,  to  exhibit  some  North  American 
Indians  whom  some  theatrical  speculator  brought  over  '  special,'  in 
all  the  horrors  of  fur,  wampum,  and  yellow  ochre.  Finding  the 
'  spectacle '  rather  uninteresting,  I  leaned  back  in  my  box,  and  fell 
into  a  doze.  Meanwhile,  my  inquiring  friend  Mr.  Burke,  who  felt 
naturally  anxious,  as  he  always  does,  to  get  au  fond  of  matters,  left 
his  place  to  obtain  information  about  the  piece,  the  audience,  and, 
above  all,  the  authenticity  of  the  Indians,  who  certainly  astonished 
him  considerably. 

"Now,  it  so  happened  that  about  a  fortnight  previously  some 
violent  passion  to  return  home  to  their  own  country  had  seized 
these  interesting  individuals,  and  they  felt  the  most  irresistible  long- 
ing to  abandon  the  savage  and  unnatural  condiments  of  roast  beef 
and  Guinness's  porter,  and  resume  their  ancient  and  more  civilized 
habits  of  life.  In  fact,  like  the  old  African  lady  mentioned  by  the 
missionary  at  the  Cape,  they  felt  they  could  die  happy  if  they  '  could 
only  once  more  have  a  roast  child  for  supper,'  and  as  such  luxuries 
are  dear  in  this  country,  stay  another  week  they  would  not,  wliat- 
evcr  the  consequences  might  be ;  the  manager  reasoned,  begged,  im- 
plored, and  threatened  by  turns ;  all  would  not  do :  go  they  were 
determined,  and  all  that  the  unfortunate  proprietor  could  accom- 
f)lish  was  to  make  a  purchase  of  their  properties  in  fur,  belts,  bows, 
arrows,  and  feathers,  and  get  them  away  quietly,  without  the  public 
being  the  wiser.  The  piece  was  too  profitable  a  one  to  abandon,  so 
lie  looked  about  anxiously  to  supply  the  deficiency  in  his  corps 
drawjitique.  For  several  days  noihing  presented  itself  to  his 
thoughts,  and  the  public  were  becoming  more  clamorous  for  the 


A  DA  Y  IN  DUBLIN.  195 

repetition  of  a  drama  which  had  greatly  delighted  them.  What 
was  to  be  done?  In  a  mood  of  doubt  and  uncertainty,  the  wretclicd 
manager  was  taking  his  accustomed  wallc  upon  the  lighthouse  pier, 
while  a  number  of  unfortunate  country  fellows,  bare-legged  and 
lankey,  with  hay  ropes  fastening  their  old  gray  coats  around  them, 
were  standing  beside  a  packet,  about  to  take  their  departure  for 
England  for  the  harvest.  Their  uncouth  appearance,  their  wild 
looks,  their  violent  gestures,  and  above  all,  their  strange  and  gut- 
tural language — for  they  were  all  speaking  Irish — attracted  the 
attention  of  the  manager ;  the  elToct,  to  his  professional  eye,  was 
good  ;  the  thought  struck  him  at  once.  Here  were  the  very  fellows 
he  wanted.  It  was  scarcely  necessary  to  alter  anything  about  them, 
they  were  ready  made  to  his  hand,  and  in  many  respects  better 
savages  than  their  prototypes.  Through  the  mediation  of  some 
whisky — the  appropriate  liquor  in  all  treaties  of  this  nature — a  bar- 
gain was  readily  struck,  and  in  two  hours  more  these  *  forty  thieves' 
were  rehearsing  upon  the  classic  boards  of  our  theatre,  and  once 
more  La  Perouse,  in  all  the  glory  of  red  capital  letters,  shone  forth 
in  the  morning  advertisements.  The  run  of  the  piece  continu,cd 
unabated ;  the  Indians  were  the  rage ;  nothing  else  was  thought  or 
spoken  of  in  Dublin,  and  already  the  benefit  of  Ashewaballagh  ITo 
was  announced,  who,  by  the  by,  was  a  little  fellow  from  Martin's 
estate  in  Connemara,  and  one  of  the  drollest  dogs  I  ever  heard  of. 
Well,  it  so  happened  that  it  was  upon  one  of  their  nights  of  per- 
forming that  I  found  myself,  with  Mr.  Burke,  a  spectator  of  their 
proceedings ;  I  had  fallen  into  an  easy  slumber,  when  a  dreadful  row 
in  the  box  lobby  roused  me  from  my  dream,  and  the  loud  cry  of 
'  Turn  him  out  I'  '  Pitch  him  over  I'  '  Beat  his  brains  out  1'  and  other 
humane  proposals  of  the  like  nature,  effectually  restored  me  to  con- 
sciousness. I  rushed  out  of  the  box  into  the  lobby,  and  there,  to  my 
astonishment,  in  the  midst  of  a  considerable  crowd,  beheld  my  friend 
Mr.  Burke  belaboring  the  box-keeper  with  all  his  might  with  a  cot- 
ton umbrella  of  rather  unpleasant  proportions,  accompanying  each 
blow  with  an  exclamation  of  '  Well,  are  they  Connaught  men,  now, 
you  rascal — eh? — are  they  all  west  of  Athlone,  tell  me  that,  now? 
I  wonder  what's  preventing  me  beating  the  soul  out  of  ye.'  After 
obtaining  a  short  cessation  of  hostilities,  and  restoring  poor  Sharkey 
to  his  legs,  much  more  dead  than  alive  from  pure  fright,  I  learned, 
at  last,  the  teterrima  causa  belli.  Mr.  Burke,  it  seems,  had  entered 
into  conversation  with  Sharkey,  the  box-keeper,  as  to  all  the  partic- 
ulars of  the  theatre,  and  the  present  piece,  but  especially  as  to  the 
real  and  authentic  history  of  the  Indians,  whose  language,  he  re- 
marked, in  many  respects  resembled  Irish.  Poor  Sharkey,  whose 
benefit  night  was  approaching,  thought  he  might  secure  a  friend  for 


196  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  VER. 

life  by  imparting  to  him  an  important  state  secret ;  and  when,  there- 
fore, pressed  rather  closely  as  to  the  '  savages'  whereabouts,'  resolved 
to  try  a  bold  stroke,  and  trust  his  unknown  interrogator.  'And  so 
you  don't  really  know  where  they  come  from,  nor  can't  guess?' 
'  Maybe,  Peru,'  said  Mr.  Burke,  innocently.  *  Try  again,  sir,'  said 
Sharkey,  with  a  knowing  grin.  '  Is  it  Behring's  Straits  ?'  said  Mr. 
Burke.  'What do  you  think  of  Galway,  sir?'  said  Sharkey,  with  a 
leer  intended  to  cement  a  friendship  for  life.  The  words  were  no 
sooner  out  of  his  lips  than  Burke,  who  immediately  took  them  as  a 
piece  of  direct  insolence  to  himself  and  his  country,  felled  him  to 
the  earth,  and  was  in  the  act  of  continuing  the  discipline  when  I 
arrived  on  the  field  of  battle." 


CHAPTER    XXII. 

A  NIGHT  AT  HOWTH. 

MUST  you  really  leave  us  so  soon  ?"  said  Tom,  as  we  issued 
forth  into  the  street ;  "  why  I  was  just  planning  a  whole 
week's  adventure  for  you.  The  town  is  so  full  of  all  kinds 
of  idle  people,  I  think  I  could  manage  to  make  your  time  pass 
pleasantly  enough."  '' 

"  Of  that,"  I  replied,  "  I  have  little  doubt;  but,  for  the  reasons  I 
have  just  mentioned,  it  is  absolutely  necessary  that  I  should  not 
lose  a  moment ;  and  after  arranging  a  few  things  here,  I  shall  start 
to-morrow  by  the  earliest  packet,  and  hasten  up  to  London  at  once." 

"  By  Jupiter,"  said  Tom,  "  how  lucky  !  I  just  remember  some- 
thing which  comes  admirably  a  propos.  You  are  going  to  Paris — is 
it  not  so?" 

"  Yes,  direct  to  Paris." 

"  Nothing  could  be  better.  There  is  a  particularly  nice  person,  a 
great  friend  of  mine — Mrs.  Bingham — waiting  for  several  days  in 
hopes  of  a  chaperon  to  take  care  of  herself  and  daughter — a  lovely 
girl,  only  nineteen,  you  wretch — to  London,  en  route  to  the  Conti- 
nent ;  the  mamma  a  delightful  woman,  and  a  widow,  with  a  very 
satisfactory  jointure — you  understand ;  but  the  daughter,  a  regular, 
downright  beauty,  and  a  ward  in  Chancery,  with  how  many  thousand 
pounds  I  am  afraid  to  trust  myself  to  say.     You  must  know,  then, 

they  are  the  Binghams  of ,  upon  my  soul  I  forget  where,  but 

highly  respectable." 

"  I  regret  I  have  not  the  pleasure  of  their  acquaintance,  and  the 
more  so,  because  I  shall  not  be  able  to  make  it  now." 


A  NIOUT  A  T  HO  WTH.  197 

"  A3  why?"  said  Tom,  gravely. 

"  Because,  in  the  first  place,  I  am  so  confoundedly  pressed  for 
time,  that  I  could  not  possibly  delay  under  any  contingency  that 
might  arise ;  and  your  fair  friends  are  doubtless  not  so  eagerly  de- 
termined upon  travelling  night  and  day  till  they  reach  Paris, 
Secondly,  to  speak  candidly,  with  my  present  hopes  and  fears 
weighing  upon  my  mind,  I  should  not  be  the  most  agreeable  travel- 
ling companion  to  two  ladies  with  such  pretensions  as  you  speak 
of;  and,  thirdly " 

"Confound  your  thirdly.  I  suppose  we  shall  have  sixteenthly, 
like  a  Presbyterian  minister's  sermon,  if  I  let  you  go  on.  Why, 
they'll  not  delay  you  one  hour.  Mrs.  Bingham,  man,  cares  as  little 
for  the  road  as  yourself;  and  as  for  your  petits  soins,  I  suppose  if 
you  get  the  fair  ladies  through  the  Custom  House,  and  see  them 
safe  in  a  London  hotel,  it  is  all  that  will  be  required  at  your  hands." 

"  Notwithstanding  all  you  say,  I  see  the  downright  impossibility 
of  my  taking  such  a  charge  at  this  moment,  when  my  own  affairs 
require  all  the  little  attention  I  can  bestow ;  and  when,  were  I  once 
involved  with  your  fair  friends,  it  might  be  completely  out  of  my 
power  to  prosecute  my  own  plans," 

As  I  said  this,  we  reached  the  door  of  a  handsome-looking  house 
in  Kildare  street,  upon  which  Tom  left  my  arm,  and,  informing  mo 
that  he  desired  to  drop  a  card,  knocked  loudly. 

"  Is  Mrs,  Bingham  at  home  ?"  said  he,  as  the  servant  opened  tho 
door. 

"  No,  sir ;  she's  out  in  the  carriage." 

"  Well,  you  see,  Harry,  your  ill-luck  befriends  you  ;  for  I  was  re- 
solved on  presenting  you  to  my  friends,  and  leaving  the  rest  to  its 
merits." 

"  I  can  safely  assure  you  that  I  should  not  have  gone  up  stairs," 
said  I.  "Little  as  I  know  of  myself,  there  is  one  point  in  my  char- 
acter I  have  never  been  deceived  in,  the  fatal  facility  by  which 
every  new  incident  or  adventure  can  turn  me  from  following  up  my 
best-matured  and  longest-digested  plans ;  and  as  I  feel  this  weak- 
ness, and  cannot  correct  it,  the  next  best  thing  I  can  do  is  to  fly  the 
causes." 

"  Upon  my  soul,"  said  Tom,  "  you  have  become  quite  a  philoso- 
pher since  we  met.  There  is  an  old  adage  which  says,  *  No  king  ia 
ever  thoroughly  gracious  if  he  has  not  passed  a  year  or  two  in  de- 
thronement;' so  I  believe  your  regular  lady-killer — yourself,  for 
instance — becomes  a  very  quiet  animal  by  being  occasionally  jilted. 
But  now,  as  you  have  some  commissions  to  do,  pray  get  done  with 
them  as  fast  as  possible,  and  let  ua  meet  at  dinner.  Where  do  you 
dine  to-day  ?" 


198  HAER  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

"  Why,  upon  that  point,  I  am  at  your  service  completely." 

"  Well,  then,  I  have  got  a  plan  which  I  think  will  suit  you.  You 
said  you  wished  to  go  by  Holyhead,  for  fear  of  delay ;  so  we'll  drive 
down  at  six  o'clock  to  Skinner's,  and  dine  with  him  on  board  the 
packet  at  Howth.  Bring  your  luggage  with  you,  and  it  will  save 
you  a  vast  deal  of  fuss  and  trouble  in  the  morning," 

Nothing  could  be  better  management  for  me  than  this,  so  I  ac- 
cordingly promised  acquiescence :  and  having  appointed  a  rendez- 
vous for  six  o'clock,  bade  O'Flaherty  good-bye,  inwardly  rejoicing 
that  my  plans  were  so  far  forwarded,  and  that  I  was  not  to  be  embar- 
rassed with  either  Mrs.  Bingham  or  her  daughter,  for  whose  acquaint- 
ance or  society  I  had  no  peculiar  ambition. 

My  commissions,  though  not  very  numerous,  occupied  the  few 
hours  which  remained,  and  it  was  already  a  few  minutes  past  six 
o'clock  when  I  took  my  stand  under  the  piazza  of  the  post-office  to 
wait  for  O'Flaherty.  I  had  not  long  to  do  so,  for  immediately  after 
I  had  reached  the  spot,  he  arrived  in  an  open  barouche  and  four 
posters,  with  three  other  young  men,  to  whom  he  severally  intro- 
duced me,  but  whose  names  I  have  totally  forgotten  ;  I  only  remem- 
ber that  two  of  the  party  were  military  men  then  quartered  ia 
town. 

AVhen  I  had  taken  my  seat,  I  could  not  help  whispering  to  Tom, 
that  although  his  friend  Skinner  might  be  "  ion"  for  a  visitation  for 
two  at  his  dinner,  yet,  as  we  were  now  so  strong  a  party,  it  might 
be  as  well  to  dine  at  the  hotel. 

"  Oh,"  said  he,  "  I  have  arranged  all  that ;  I  have  sent  him  a  spe- 
cial messenger  two  hours  since,  and  so  make  your  mind  easy — we 
shall  not  be  disappointed  nor  he  short-taken." 

Our  drive,  although  a  long  one,  passed  quickly  over,  and  before 
we  had  reached  our  destination,  I  had  become  tolerably  intimate 
with  all  the  party,  who  were  evidently  picked  men,  selected  by 
O'Flaherty  for  a  pleasant  evening. 

We  drove  along  the  pier  to  the  wharf,  Avhere  the  steamer  lay,  and 
were  received  at  once  by  Tom's  friend  with  all  the  warm  welcome 
and  hospitality  of  a  sailor,  united  with  the  address  and  polish  of  a 
very  finished  gentleman.  As  we  descended  the  companion-ladder 
to  the  cabin,  my  mind  became  speedily  divested  of  any  fears  I  might 
have  indulged  in  as  to  the  want  of  preparation  of  our  entertainer. 
The  table  was  covered  with  handsome  plate  and  cut  glass,  while  the 
Bide-tables  glittered  with  a  magnificent  dessert,  and  two  large  wine- 
coolers  presented  an  array  of  champagne  necks  shining  with  their 
leaden  cravat  that  would  have  tempted  an  anchorite. 

I  remember  very  little  else  of  that  evening  than  the  coup  d'ceil  I 
have  mentioned  j  besides,  were  my  memory  more  retentive,  I  might 


A  NIGUT  AT  no WTTT.  199 

Bcruple  to  trespass  further  on  my  reader's  patience  by  the  detail  of 
those  pleasures  which,  like  love-letters,  however  agreeable  to  the 
parties  immediately  concerned,  are  very  uneditying  to  all  others. 
I  do  remember,  certainly,  that  good  stories  and  capital  songs  suc- 
ceeded each  other  with  a  rapidity  only  to  be  equalled  by  the  pop- 
ping of  corks,  and  have  also  a  very  vague  and  indistinct  recollection 
of  a  dance  round  the  table,  evidently  to  finish  a  chorus,  but  which, 
it  appears,  finished  me  too,  for  I  saw  no  more  that  niglit. 

How  many  have  commemorated  the  waking  sensations  of  their 
fellow-men  after  a  night's  debauch  I  yet,  at  the  same  time,  I  am  not 
aware  of  any  one  having  perfectly  conveyed  even  a  passing  likeness 
to  the  mingled  throng  of  sensations  which  crowd  one's  brain  on 
such  an  occasion.  The  doubt  of  what  has  passed  by  degrees  yield- 
ing to  the  half-consciousness  of  the  truth  ;  the  feeling  of  shame  in- 
separable, except  to  the  habitually  hard-goer,  from  the  events  thus 
dimly  pictured ;  the  racking  headache  and  intense  thirst,  with  the 
horror  of  the  potation  recently  indulged  in  ;  the  recurring  sense  of 
the  fun  or  drollery  of  a  story  or  an  incident  whicli  provokes  us 
again  to  laugh,  despite  the  jarring  of  our  brain  from  the  shaking, — 
»11  this,  and  more,  most  men  have  felt,  and  happy  are  they  when 
their  waking  thoughts  are  limited  to  such  at  times  like  these.  The 
matter  comes  considerably  worse  when  the  following  morning  calls 
for  some  considerable  exertion,  for  which,  even  in  your  best  and 
calmest  moments,  you  barely  find  yourself  equal. 

It  is  truly  unpleasant,  on  opening  your  eyes  and  rubbing  your 
ears,  to  discover  that  the  great  bell  is  ringing  the  half-hour  before 
your  quarterly  examination  at  college,  while  Locke,  Lloyd,  and 
Lucian  are  dancing  a  reel  through  your  brain,  little  short  of  mad- 
ness; scarcely  less  agreeable  is  it  to  learn  that  your  friend  Oai)t;iin 
Wildfire  is  at  the  door  in  his  cab,  to  accompany  you  to  the  Phoenix, 
to  stand  within  twelve  paces  of  a  cool  gentleman  who  has  been  sit- 
ting with  his  arm  in  cold  water  for  the  last  half-hour,  that  he  may 
pick  you  out  "  artist-like."  There  are  besides  these  innumerable 
situations  in  which  our  preparations  of  the  night  would  appear  as 
none  of  the  wisest ;  but  I  prefer  going  at  once  to  my  own,  which, 
although  considerably  inferior  in  difficulty,  was  not  without  its  own 

When  I  awoke,  therefore,  on  board  the  Firefy,  the  morning  after 
our  dinner-party,  I  was  perfectly  unable,  by  any  mental  process 
within  my  reach,  to  discover  where  I  was.  On  shipboard  I  felt  I 
must  be, — the  narrow  berth,  the  gilded  and  panelled  cabin  which 
met  my  eye  through  my  half-open  curtains,  and  that  peculiar  swell- 
ing motion  inseparable  from  a  vessel  in  the  water,  all  satisfied  me  of 
this  fact.    I  looked  about  me,  but  could  see  no  one  to  give  me  the 


200  EA  ER  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

least  idea  of  my  position.     Could  it  be  that  we  were  on  our  way  out 
to  Corfu,  and  that  I  had  been  ill  for  some  time  past? 

But  this  cabin  had  little  resemblance  to  a  transport ;  perhaps  it 
might  be  a  frigate ;  I  knew  not.  Then,  again,  were  we  sailing  or  at 
anchor?  for  the  ship  was  nearly  motionless.  At  this  instant  a  tre- 
mendous noise  like  thunder  crashed  through  my  head,  and  for  a 
moment  I  expected  we  had  exploded,  and  would  all  be  blown  up ; 
but  an  instant  after  I  discovered  it  must  be  the  escape  of  the  steam, 
and  that  I  was  on  board  a  packet-ship.  Here,  then,  was  some  clue 
to  my  situation,  and  one  which  would  probably  have  elicited  all  in 
due  season ;  but  just  at  this  moment  a  voice  on  deck  saved  me  from 
any  further  calculations.  Two  persons  were  conversing  whose 
voices  were  not  altogether  unknown  to  me,  but  why,  I  knew  not. 

"  Then,  captain,  I  suppose  you  consider  this  as  an  excellent  pas- 
sage ?" 

"  Yes,  of  course  I  do,"  replied  the  captain  ;  "  it's  only  five  hours 
since  we  left  Howth,  and  now,  you  see,  we  are  nearly  in ;  if .  we 
have  this  run  of  the  tide,  we  shall  reach  the  Head  before  twelve 
o'clock." 

"  Ha,  ha !"  said  I  to  myself,  "  now  I  begin  to  learn  something. 
So  we  have  crossed  the  channel  while  I  was  sleeping,  not  the  least 
agreeable  thing  for  a  man  to  hear  who  suffers  martyrdom  from  sea- 
sickness.    But  let  me  listen  again." 

"And  that  large  mountain  there,  is  that  Snowdon?" 

"No;  you  cannot  see  Snowdon  ;  there  is  too  much  mist  about  it; 
that  mountain  is  Capel  Carrig ;  and  that  bold  bluff  to  the  eastward, 
that  is  Penmen  Mawr." 

"  Come,  there  is  no  time  to  be  lost,"  thought  I ;  so  springing  out 
of  my  berth,  accoutred  as  I  was,  in  merely  trousers  and  slippers, 
with  a  red  handkerchief  fastened  nightcap  fashion  round  my  head, 
I  took  my  way  through  the  cabin. 

My  first  thought  on  getting  upon  my  legs  was,  how  tremendously 
the  vessel  pitched,  which  I  had  not  remarked  while  in  my  berth,  but 
now  I  could  scarce  keep  myself  from  falling  at  every  step.  I  was 
just  about  to  call  the  steward,  when  I  again  heard  voices  on  the 
deck. 

"  You  have  but  few  passengers  this  trip." 

"I  think  only  yourself  and  a  Captain  Lorrequer,"  replied  the  cap- 
tain, "  who,  by  the  bye,  is  losing  all  this  fine  coast,  which  is  cer- 
tainly a  great  pity." 

" He  shall  not  do  so  much  longer,"  thought  I;  "for  as  I  find  that 
there  are  no  other  passengers,  I'll  make  my  toilet  on  deck,  and  enjoy 
the  view  besides."  Witli  this  determination  I  ascended  slowly  and 
cautiously  the  companion-ladder,  and  stepped  out  upon  the  deck; 


THE  JOURNEY.  201 

but  scarcely  had  I  done  so,  when  a  roar  of  the  loudest  laughter 
made  me  turn  my  head  towards  the  poop,  and  there,  to  my  horror  of 
horrors,  I  beheld  Tom  O'Flahcrty  seated  between  two  ladies,  whose 
most  vociferous  mirth  I  soon  perceived  was  elicited  at  my  expense. 

All  the  party  of  the  preceding  night  were  also  there,  and  as  I 
turned  from  their  grinning  faces  to  the  land,  I  saw,  to  my  shame  and 
confusion,  that  we  were  still  lying  beside  the  pier  at  Howth,  while 
the  bandboxes,  trunks,  and  imperials  of  new  arrivals  were  inces- 
santly pouring  in,  as  travelling  carriages  kept  driving  up  to  the 
place  of  embarkation.  I  stood  perfectly  astounded  and  bewildered. 
Shame  for  my  ridiculous  costume  would  have  made  me  fly  at  any 
other  time ;  but  there  I  remained  to  be  laughed  at,  patiently,  while 
that  villain  O'Flahcrty,  leading  me  passively  forward,  introduced 
me  to  his  friends ;  "  Mrs.  Bingham,  Mr.  Lorrequer ;  Mr.  Lorrequer, 
Miss  Bingham.  Don't  be  prepossessed  against  him,  ladies,  for  when 
not  in  love,  and  properly  dressed,  he  is  a  marvellously  well-looking 
young  gentleman ;  and  as " 

What  the  remainder  of  the  sentence  might  be,  I  knew  not,  for  I 
rushed  down  into  the  cabin,  and  locking  the  door,  never  opened  it 
till  I  could  perceive  from  the  stern  windows  that  we  were  really  off 
on  our  way  to  England,  and  recognized  once  more  the  laughing  face 
of  O'Flahcrty,  who,  as  he  waved  his  hat  to  his  friends  from  the  pier, 
reminded  them  that  "  they  were  under  the  care  and  protection  of  his 
friend  Lorrequer,  who,  he  trusted,  would  condescend  to  increase  his 
wearing  apparel  under  the  circumstances." 


CHAPTER   XXIII 

THE  JOUPwNEY. 

WHEN  I  at  last  ventured  upon  deck,  it  was  with  a  costume 
studiously  accurate,  and  as  much  of  manner  as  I  could  pos- 
sibly muster,  to  endeavor  at  once  to  erase  the  unfortunate 
impression  of  my  first  appearance ;  this,  however,  was  not  destined 
to  be  a  perfectly  successful  manoeuvre,  and  I  was  obliged,  after  a  few 
minutes,  to  join  the  laugh,  which  I  found  could  not  be  repressed,  at 
my  expense.  One  good  result  certainly  followed  from  all  this.  I 
became  almost  immediately  on  intimate  terms  with  Mrs.  Bingham 
and  her  daughter,  and  much  of  the  awkwardness  in  my  position  as 
their  chaperon,  which,  hon  gr^,  mal  grf,  I  was  destined  to  be,  was  at 
once  got  over.  Mrs.  Bingham  herself  was  of  that  style  of  widow 
which  comes  under  the  "  fat,  fair,  and  forty  "  category,  with  a  never- 


202  EARR  Y  L  ORREQ  VER. 

ceasing  flow  of  high,  almost  boisterous,  spirits — an  excellent  temper, 
good  health,  and  a  well-stocked  purse.  Life  to  her  was  like  a  game 
of  her  favorite  "speculation."  When  she  believed  the  "company 
honest,"  and  kneio  her  cards  trumps,  she  was  tolerably  easy  for  the 
result.  She  liked  Kingstown — she  liked  whist — she  liked  the  mili- 
tary— she  liked  "the  junior  bar,"  of  which  she  knew  a  good  number 
— she  had  a  well-furnished  house  in  Kildare  street — and  a  well- 
cushioned  pew  in  St.  Anne's — she  was  a  favorite  at  the  Castle — and 
Dr.  Labatt  "  knew  her  constitution."  Why,  with  all  these  advan- 
tages, she  should  ever  have  thought  of  leaving  the  "  happy  valley" 
of  her  native  city,  it  was  somewhat  hard  to  guess.  Was  it  that 
thoughts  of  matrimony,  which  the  Continent  held  out  more  prospect 
for,  had  invaded  the  fair  widow's  heart?  was  it  that  the  altered  con- 
dition to  which  politics  had  greatly  reduced  Dublin  had  effected 
this  change  of  opinion  ?  or  was  it  like  that  indescribable  longing  for 
the  unknown  something  which  we  read  of  in  the  pathetic  history  of 
the  fair  lady  celebrated,  I  believe,  by  Petrarch?  But  I  quote  from 
memory : — 

"  Mrs.  Gill  is  very  ill, 

Nothing  can  improve  her, 
But  to  see  the  Tuileries, 

And  waddle  through  the  Louvre." 

None  of  these,  I  believe,  however  good  and  valid  reasons  in  them- 
selves, were  the  moving  powers  upon  the  present  occasion  ;  the  all- 
sufficient  one  being  that  Mrs.  Bingham  had  a  daughter.  Now  Miss 
Bingham  was  Dublin  too — but  Dublin  of  a  later  edition — and  a 
finer,  more  hot-pressed  copy  than  her  mamma.  She  had  been  edu- 
cated at  Mrs.  Somebody's  seminary  in  Mountjoy  Square — had  been 
taught  to  dance  by  Montague — and  had  learned  French  from  a 
Swiss  governess — with  a  number  of  similar  advantages — a  very 
pretty  figure — dark  eyes — long  eyelashes  and  a  dimple — and  last, 
but  of  course  least,  the  deserved  reputation  of  a  large  fortune. 
She  had  made  a  most  successful  dAmt  in  the  Dublin  world,  where 
she  was  much  admired  and  flattered,  and  which  soon  suggested  to 
her  quick  mind,  as  it  has  often  done  in  similar  cases  to  a  young 
provincial  d^^butavte,  not  to  waste  her  attractions  upon  the  minor 
theatres,  but  at  once  to  appear  upon  the  "  great  boards ;"  so  far  evi- 
dencing a  higher  flight  of  imagination  and  enterprise  than  is  usually 
found  among  the  class  of  her  early  associates,  who  may  be  char- 
acterized as  that  school  of  young  ladies  who  admire  "The  Corsair" 
and  Kingstown,  and  say,  "Ah,  don't!" 

She  possessed  much  more  common  sense  than  her  mamma,  and 
promised,  under  proper  advantages,  to  become  speedily  quite  suffi- 
ciently acquainted  with  the  world  and  its  habitudes.    In  the  mean- 


THE  JOURNEY.  203 

while,  I  perceived  that  she  ran  a  very  considerable  risk  of  being 
carried  oil"  by  some  niustuchiocd  Pole,  with  a  name  like  a  sneeze, 
who  might  pretend  to  enjoy  access  to  the  fashionable  circles  of  the 
Continent. 

Very  little  study  of  my  two  friends  enabled  me  to  see  thus  much ; 
and  very  little  "usage"  sufficed  to  render  me  speedily  intimate  wilh 
both ;  the  easy  good-nature  of  the  mamma,  who  had  a  very  metho- 
distical  appreciation  of  what  the  "  connection"  call  "  creature  com- 
forts," amused  me  much,  and  opened  one  ready  j)ath  to  her  good 
graces  by  the  opportunity  alForded  of  getting  up  a  luncheon  of  veal 
cutlets  and  London  porter,  of  which  I  partook,  not  a  little  to  the 
evident  loss  of  the  fair  daughter's  esteem. 

While,  therefore,  I  made  the  tour  of  the  steward's  cell  in  search 
of  Harvey's  sauce,  I  brushed  up  my  memory  of  "  The  Corsair"  and 
"  Childe  Harold,"  and  alternately  discussed  Stilton  and  Southey, 
Shelley  and  lobsters,  Haynes  Bayley  and  ham. 

The  day  happened  to  be  particularly  calm  and  delightful,  so  that 
we  never  left  the  deck ;  and  the  six  hours  which  brought  us  from 
land  to  land  quickly  passed  over  in  this  manner ;  and  ere  we  reached 
"  the  Head,"  I  had  become  the  warm  friend  and  legal  adviser  of  the 
mother;  and  with  the  daughter  I  was  installed  as  chief  confidant  of 
all  her  griefs  and  sorrows,  both  of  which  appointments  cost  me  a 
solemn  promise  to  take  care  of  them  till  their  arrival  in  Paris, 
where  they  had  many  friends  and  acquaintances  awaiting  them. 
Here,  then,  as  usual,  was  the  fatal  facility  with  which  I  gave  myself 
up  to  any  one  who  took  the  trouble  to  influence  me !  One  thing, 
nevertheless,  I  was  determined  on,  to  let  no  circumstance  defer  my 
arrival  at  Paris  a  day  later  than  was  possible  ;  therefore,  though  my 
office  as  chaperon  might  engage  me  on  the  road,  it  should  not  inter- 
fere with  the  object  before  me.  Had  my  mind  not  been  so  com- 
pletely engaged  with  my  own  immediate  prospects,  when  hope,  sud- 
denly and  unexpectedly  revived,  had  become  so  tinged  with  fears 
and  doubts  as  to  be  almost  torture,  I  must  have  been  much  amused 
with  my  present  position,  as  I  found  myself  seated  with  my  two 
fair  friends,  rolling  along  through  Wales  in  their  comfortable  travel- 
ling carriage— giving  all  the  orders  at  the  different  hotels — seeing 
after  the  luggage — and  acting  en  ma'itre  in  every  respect. 

The  good  widow  enjoyed  particularly  the  difficulty  into  which 
ray  precise  position  with  regard  to  her  and  her  daughter  threw  the 
different  innkeepers  on  the  road,  sometimes  supposing  me  to  be  her 
husband,  sometimes  her  son,  and  once  her  son-in-law  ;  which  very 
alarming  conjecture  brought  a  crimson  tinge  to  the  fair  daughter's 
cheek — an  expression  which,  in  my  ignorance,  I  thought  looked  very 
like  an  inclination  to  faint  in  my  arms. 


204  EARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

At  length  we  readied  London,  and  having  been  there  safely  in- 
stalled at  Mivart's,  I  sallied  forth  to  present  my  letter  to  the  Horse 
Guards,  and  obtain  our  passport  lor  the  Continent. 

"  Number  nine,  Poland  street,  sir,"  said  the  waiter,  as  I  inquired 
the  address  of  the  French  Consul.  Having  discovered  that  my  in- 
terview with  the  Commander-in-chief  was  appointed  for  four  o'clock. 
I  determined  to  lose  no  time,  but  make  every  possible  arrangement 
for  leaving  London  in  the  morning. 

A  cab  quietly  conveyed  me  to  the  door  of  the  Consul,  around 
which  stood  several  other  vehicles  of  every  shape  and  fashion,  while 
in  the  doorway  were  to  be  seen  numbers  of  people,  thronging  and 
pressing,  like  the  opera  pit  on  a  full  night.  Into  the  midst  of  this 
assemblage  I  soon  thrust  myself,  and,  borne  upon  the  current,  at 
length  reached  a  small  back  parlor,  filled  also  with  people ;  a  door 
opening  into  another  small  room  in  the  front  showed  a  similar  mob 
there,  with  the  addition  of  a  small  elderly  man,  in  a  bag-wig  and 
spectacles,  very  much  begrimed  with  snuff,  and  speaking  in  a  very 
choleric  tone  to  the  various  applicants  for  passports,  who,  totally 
ignorant  of  French,  insisted  upon  interlarding  their  demands  with 
an  occasional  stray  phrase,  making  a  kind  of  tesselated  pavement  of 
tongues,  which  would  have  shamed  Babel.  Nearest  to  the  table  at 
which  the  functionary  sat  stood  a  mustachioed  gentleman,  in  a  blue 
frock  and  white  trousers,  a  white  hat  jauntily  set  upon  one  side  of 
his  head,  and  primrose  gloves.  He  cast  a  momentary  glance  of  a 
very  undervaluing  import  upon  the  crowd  around  him,  and  then, 
turning  to  the  Consul,  said  in  a  very  soprano  tone  : — 

"  Passport,  monsieur !" 

"  Que  voulez-vous  que  je  fasse,"  replied  the  old  Frenchman 
gruffly. 

"  Jesuis — -j'ai — that  is,  donnez-moi  passport." 

"  Where  do  you  go  V  replied  the  Consul. 

"Calai." 

"  Comment,  diable,  speak  Inglis,  and  I  understan  you  as  besser. 
Your  name?" 

"Lorraine  Snaggs,  gentilhomme." 

"  What  age  have  you  ? — how  old  ?" 

"Twenty-two." 

"C'est  9a,"  said  the  old  Consul,  flinging  the  passport  across 
the  table  with  the  air  of  a  man  who  thoroughly  comprehended 
the  applicant's  pretension  to  the  designation  of  gentilhomme 
Anglais. 

As  I  followed  the  worthy  representative  of  Seven  Dials  with  my 
eye,  another  person  had  nearcd  the  table.  She  was  a  rather  pretty 
young  woman,  with  blue  eyes,  and  brown  hair  braided  quietly  on 


THE  JOURNEY.  205 

her  forehead,  and  wearing  a  plain  close  bonnet  of  a  very  coquettish 
appearance. 

"  Will  you  be  seated,  mam'selle?"  said  the  polite  old  Frenchman, 
who  hud  hitherto  been  more  like  a  bear  than  a  human  being.  "  Oil 
allez-vous  done  ?  where  to,  ma  chore?" 

"  To  Paris,  sir." 

"By  Calais?" 

"  No,  sir ;  by  Boulogne." 

"  C'est  bon ;  quel  age  avez-vous.    What  old,  ma  belle  ?" 

"  Nineteen,  sir,  in  June." 

"  And  are  you  alone,  quite,  eh  ?" 

"  No,  sir,  my  little  girl." 

"  Ah !  your  leetel  girl — c'est  fort  bien— je  m'apergois  ;  and  your 
name?" 

"  Fanny  Linwood,  sir." 

"  C'est  fini,  ma  chere, — Mademoiselle  Fanny  Linwood,"  said  the 
old  man,  as  he  wrote  down  the  name. 

"  Oh,  sir,  I  beg  your  pardon,  but  you  have  put  me  down  Made- 
moiselle, and — and — you  see,  sir,  I  have  my  little  girl." 

"  Ah  1  c'est  6gal,  mam'selle,  they  don't  mind  these  things  in  France. 
Au  plaisir  de  vous  voir — adieu." 

"  They  don't  mind  these  things  in  France,"  said  I  to  myself,  re- 
peating the  old  Consul's  phrase,  which  I  could  not  helj)  feeling  as  a 
whole  chapter  on  his  nation. 

My  business  was  soon  settled,  for  I  spoke  nothing  but  English — 
very  little  knowledge  of  the  world  teaching  mc  that  when  we  have 
any  favor,  however  slight,  to  ask,  it  is  always  good  policy  to  make 
the  demand  by  propitiating  the  self-esteem  of  the  granter — if, 
happily,  there  be  an  opportunity  for  so  doing. 

When  I  returned  to  Mivart's,  I  found  a  written  answer  to  my 
letter  of  the  morning,  stating  that  his  lordship  of  the  Horse  Guards 
was  leaving  town  that  afternoon,  but  would  not  delay  my  departure 
for  the  Continent,  to  visit  which  a  four  months'  leave  was  granted 
me,  with  a  recommendation  to  study  at  Weimar. 

The  next  day  brought  us  to  Dover,  in  time  to  stroll  about  the 
cliffs  during  the  evening,  when  I  again  talked  sentiment  with  the 
daughter  till  very  late.  The  mamma  herself  was  too  tired  to  come 
out,  so  that  we  had  our  walk  quite  alone.  It  is  strange  enough  how 
quickly  this  travelling  together  has  shaken  us  into  intimacy. 
Isabella  says  she  feels  as  if  I  were  her  brother ;  and  I  begin  to 
think  myself  she  is  not  exactly  like  a  sister.  She  has  a  marvel- 
lously pretty  foot  and  ankle. 

The  climbing  of  cliffs  is  a  very  dangerous  pastime.  How  true 
the  French  adage — "  C'est  plus  facile  de  glisser  sur  le  gazon  que  sur 


206  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

la  glace."  But  still  nothing  tan  come  of  it;  for  if  Lady  Jane  be 
not  false,  1  must  consider  myself  an  engaged  man. 

"  Well,  but  I  hope,"  said  I,  rousing  myself  from  a  reverie  of 
some  minutes,  and  inadvertently  pressing  the  arm  which  leaned 
upon  me,  "  your  mamma  will  not  be  alarmed  at  our  long  absence?" 

"  Oh  I  not  in  the  least ;  for  she  knows  I'm  with  you." 

And  here  I  felt  a  return  of  the  pressure — perhaps  also  inadver- 
tently given,  but  which,  whether  or  not,  effectually  set  all  my 
reasonings  and  calculations  astray ;  and  we  returned  to  the  hotel, 
silent  on  both  sides. 

The  appearance  of  "  mamma  "  beside  the  hissing  tea-urn  brought 
us  both  back  to  ourselves;  and,  after  an  hour's  chatting,  we  said 
"  Good-night,"  to  start  on  the  morrow  for  the  Continent. 


CHAPTER    XXIV. 

CALAIS. 

IT  was  upon  a  lovely  evening  in  autumn,  as  the  Dover  steamboat 
rounded  the  wooden  pier  at  Calais,  amid  a  fleet  of  small  boats 
filled  with  eager  and  anxious  faces,  soliciting,  in  every  species 
of  bad  English  and  patois  French,  the  attention  and  patronage  of 
the  passengers. 

"  Hotel  des  Bains,  milor." 

"  Hotel  d'Angleterre,"  said  another,  in  a  voice  of  the  most  impos- 
ing superiority.     "  C'est  superbe — pretty  well." 

"Hotel  du  Nord,  votre  Excellence — remise  de  poste  and  'delays' 
(query,  relays)  at  all  hours." 

"  Commissionnaire,  miladi,"  sang  out  a  small  shrill  treble  from 
the  midst  of  a  crowded  cock-boat,  nearly  swamped  beneath  our 
paddle-wheel. 

What  a  scene  of  bustle,  confusion,  and  excitement  does  the  deck 
of  a  steamer  present  upon  such  an  occasion.  Every  one  is  running 
hither  and  thithei-.  Sauve  qve  pnd  is  now  the  watchword ;  and 
friendships  that  promised  a  lifelong  endurance  only  half  an  hour 
ago,  find  here  a  speedy  dissolution.  The  lady  who  slept  all  night 
upon  deck,  enveloped  in  the  folds  of  your  Astrakhan  cloak,  scarcely 
deigns  an  acknowledgment  of  you,  as  she  adjusts  her  ringlets  before 
the  looking-glass  over  the  stove  in  the  cabin.  The  polite  gentle- 
man, that  would  have  flown  for  a  reticule  or  a  smelling-bottle  upon 
the  high  seas,  won't  leave  his  luggage  in  the  harbor;  and  the 
gallantry  and  devotion  that  stood  the  test  of  half  a  gale  of  wind 


CALAIS.  207 

and  a  wet  jacket  is  not  proof  when  the  safety  of  a  carpet-bag  or  the 
eecurity  of  a  "  Mackintosh  "  is  concerned. 

And  tiius,  here,  as  elsewhere,  is  prosperity  the  touchstone  of  good 
feeling.  All  the  various  disguises  which  have  been  assumed,  per 
viaggio,  are  here  immediately  abandoned,  and,  strijjped  of  the  travel- 
ling costume  of  urbanity  and  courtesy,  which  they  put  on  for  the 
voyage,  they  stand  forth  in  all  the  unblushing  front  of  selfishness 
and  self-interest. 

Some  tender  scenes  yet  find  their  place  amid  the  ruins  of  this 
chaotic  state.  Here  may  be  seen  a  careful  mother  adjusting  innu- 
merable shawls  and  handkerchiefs  round  the  throat  of  a  sea-green 
young  lady  with  a  cough ;  her  maid  at  the  same  instant  taking  a 
tender  farewell  of  the  steward  in  the  after-cabin. 

Here  is  a  very  red-faced  and  hot  individual,  with  punch-colored 
breeches  and  gaiters,  disputing  "  one  brandy  too  much"  in  his  bill, 
and  vowing  that  the  company  sball  hear  of  it  when  he  returns  to 
England.  There,  a  tall,  elderly  woman,  with  a  Scotch-gray  eye  and 
a  sharp  cheek-bone,  is  depositing  within  her  mufi"  various  scizable 
articles,  that,  until  now,  had  been  lying  quietly  in  her  trunk. 
Yonder,  that  raw-looking  young  gentleman,  with  the  crumpled 
frock-coat,  and  loose  cravat,  and  sea-sick  visage,  is  asking  every  one 
"  if  they  think  he  may  land  without  a  passport."  You  scarcely 
recognize  him  for  the  cigar-smoking  dandy  of  yesterday,  that  talked 
as  if  he  had  lived  half  his  life  on  the  Continent.  While  there,  a 
rather  pretty  girl  is  looking  intently  at  some  object  in  the  blue 
water,  beside  the  rudder-jjost.  You  are  surprised  you  cannot  make 
it  out;  but  then,  she  has  the  advantage  of  you,  for  the  tall,  well- 
looking  man,  with  the  knowing  whiskers,  is  evidently  whispering 
something  in  her  ear. 

"Steward,  this  is  not  my  trunk;  mine  was  a  leather " 

"  All  the  '  leathers'  are  gone  in  the  first  boat,  sir." 

"  Most  scandalous  way  of  doing  business." 

"  Trouble  you  for  two-and-sixpence,  sir." 

"There's  Matilda  coughing  again,"  says  a  thin,  shrewish  woman, 
■with  a  kind  of  triumphant  scowl  at  her  better  half;  "but  you  would 
have  her  wear  that  thin  shawl !" 

"  Whatever  may  be  the  fault  of  the  shawl,  I  fancy  no  one  will  re- 
proach her  ankles  for  thinness,"  murmurs  a  young  Guardsman,  as 
he  peeps  up  the  companion-ladder. 

Amid  all  the  Babel  of  tongues  and  tiproar  of  voices,  the  thorough 
bass  of  the  escape  steam  keeps  up  its  infernal  thunders,  till  the  very 
brain  reels,  and,  sick  as  you  have  been  of  the  voyage,  you  half  wish 
yourself  once  more  at  sea,  if  only  to  have  a  moment  of  peace  and 
tranquillity. 


208  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  TIER. 

Numbers  now  throng  the  deck  who  have  never  made  their  appear- 
arnce  before.  Pale,  jaundiced,  and  crumpled,  they  have  all  the  sea- 
siclj:  look  and  haggard  cheek  of  the  real  martyr— all  except  one,  a 
stout,  swarthy,  brown-visaged  man,  of  about  forty,  with  a  frame' of 
iron,  and  a  voice  like  the  fourth  string  of  a  violoncello.  You  wonder 
why  he  should  have  taken  to  his  bed :  learn,  then,  that  he  is  his 
Majesty's  courier  from  the  Foreign  Office,  with  despatches  to  Con- 
stantinople, and  that  as  he  is  not  destined  to  lie  down  in  a  bed  for 
the  next  fourteen  days,  he  is  glad  even  of  the  narrow  resemblance 
to  one  he  finds  in  the  berth  of  a  steamboat.  At  length  you  are  on 
shore,  and  marched  off  in  a  long  string,  like  a  gang  of  convicts,  to 
the  Bureau  de  I'Octroi ;  and  here  is  begun  an  examination  of  the 
luggage,  which  promises,  from  its  minuteness,  to  last  for  the  three 
months  you  designed  to  spend  in  Switzerland,  At  the  end  of  an 
hour  you  discover  that  the  soi-disani  commissionnaire  will  transact 
all  this  affair  for  a  few  francs ;  and,  after  a  tiresome  wait  in  a 
filthy  room,  jostled,  elbowed,  and  trampled  upon  by  boors  with 
sabots,  you  adjourn  to  your  inn,  and  begin  to  feel  that  you  are  not 
in  England. 

Our  little  party  had  but  few  of  the  miseries  here  recounted  to  con- 
tend with.  My  savoir  /aire,  with  all  modesty  be  it  spoken,  had  been 
long  schooled  in  the  art  and  practice  of  travelling ;  and  while  our 
less  experienced  fellow-travellers  were  deep  in  the  novel  mysteries 
of  cotton  stockings  and  petticoats,  most  ostentatiously  displayed 
upon  every  table  of  the  Bureau,  we  were  comfortably  seated  in  the 
handsome  saloon  of  the  Hotel  du  Nord,  looking  out  upon  a  pretty- 
grass-plot,  surrounded  with  orange-trees,  and  displaying  in  the 
middle  a  fountain  about  the  size  of  a  walking-stick. 

"  Now,  Mr.  Lorrequer,"  said  Mrs.  Bingham,  as  she  seated  herself 
by  the  open  window,  "  never  forget  how  totally  dependent  we  are 
upon  your  kind  offices,  Isabella  has  discovered  already  that  the 
French  of  Mountjoy  square,  however  intelligible  in  that  neighbor- 
hood, and  even  as  far  as  Mount  street,  is  Coptic  and  Sanscrit  here ; 
and  as  for  myself,  I  intend  to  affect  deaf  and  dumbness  till  I  reach 
Paris,  where  I  hear  every  one  can  speak  English  a  little," 

"  Now,  then,  to  begin  my  functions,"  said  I,  as  I  rang  for  the 
waiter,  and  ran  over  in  my  mind  rapidly  how  many  invaluable  hints 
for  my  new  position  my  present  trip  might  afford  me,  "  always  pro- 
vided" (as  the  lawyers  say),  that  Lady  Jane  Callonby  might  feel 
herself  tempted  to  become  my  travelling  companion,  in  which  ease 

But,  confound  it,  how  I  am  castle-building  again  I  Meanwhile, 

Mrs.  Bingham  is  looking  as  hungry  and  famished  as  though  she 
would  eat  the  waiter.     "  Ha  I  this  is  the  carte." 
"  Now,  then,  to  order  supper." 


CALAIS.  209 

**  Cotelettes  d'agneau." 

"Mayonnaise  do  bomard." 

"  Perdreaux  rouges  aux  trufles — mark  that,  aux  truffes." 

"  Gel6e  au  maraschino," 

"And  the  wine,  sir,"  said  the  waiter,  with  a  look  of  approval  at 
my  selection.     "  Champagne — no  other  wine,  sir?" 

"  No,"  said  I,  "  champagne  only.  Frapp6,  of  course,"  I  added. 
And  the  waiter  departed  with  a  bow  that  would  have  graced  St. 
James's. 

As  long  as  our  immaterial  and  better  part  shall  be  doomed  to 
keep  company  with  its  fleshy  tabernacle,  with  all  its  attendant  mis- 
eries of  gout  and  indigestion,  how  much  of  our  enjoyment  in  this 
world  is  dependent  upon  the  mere  accessory  circumstances  by  which 
the  business  of  life  is  carried  on  and  maintained,  and  to  despise 
which  is  neither  good  policy  nor  sound  philosophy.  In  this  con- 
clusion, a  somewhat  long  experience  of  the  life  of  a  traveller  has 
fully  established  me.  And  nowhere  docs  it  press  more  forcibly  upon 
the  mind  than  when  first  arrived  in  a  continental  inn,  after  leaving 
the  best  hotels  of  England  still  fresh  in  your  memory.  I  do  not  for 
a  moment  dispute  the  very  great  superiority  in  comfort  of  the  latter, 
by  which  I  would  be  understood  to  mean  all  those  resemblances  to 
one's  own  home  which  an  English  hotel  so  eminently  possesses,  and 
every  other  one  so  markedly  wants ;  but  I  mean  that  in  contrivances 
to  elevate  the  spirit,  cheer  the  jaded  and  tired  wayfarer  by  objects 
which,  however  they  may  appeal  to  the  mere  senses,  seem,  at  least, 
but  little  sensual,  give  me  a  foreign  inn ;  let  me  have  a  large,  spa- 
cious saloon,  with  its  lofty  walls,  and  its  airy,  large-paned  win- 
dows (I  shall  not  object  if  the  cornices  and  mouldings  be  gilded, 
because  such  is  usually  the  case) — let  the  sun  and  heat  of  a  sum- 
mer's day  come  tempered  through  the  deep  lattices  of  a  well-fitting 
"jalousie,"  bearing  upon  them  the  rich  incense  of  a  fragrant  orange- 
tree  in  blossom — and  the  sparkling  drops  of  a  neighboring  fountain, 
the  gentle  plash  of  which  is  faintly  audible  amid  the  hum  of  the 
drone-bee — let  such  be  the  agr^mens  without — while  within,  let  the 
more  substantial  joys  of  the  table  await,  in  such  guise  as  only  a 
French  cuisine  can  present  them — give  me  these,  I  say,  and  I  shall 
never  sigh  for  the  far-famed  and  long-deplored  comforts  of  a  box  in 
a  coffee-room,  like  a  pew  in  a  parish  church,  though  certainly  not  so 
well  cushioned,  and  fully  as  dull,  with  a  hot  waiter  and  a  cold  beef- 
steak— the  only  thing  higher  than  your  game  being  your  bill,  and 
the  only  thing  less  drinkable  than  your  port  being  the  porter. 

With  such  exotic  notions,  imagine,  my  dear  reader,  whether  or 
not  I  felt  happy,  as  I  found  myself  seated  between  my  two  fair 
friends  doing  the  honors  of  a  little  supper,  and  assisting  the  exhila- 
14 


210  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

ration  of  our  champagne  by  such  efforts  of  wit  as,  under  favorable 
circumstances  like  these,  are  ever  successful,  and  which,  being  like 
the  foaming  liquid  which  washes  them  down,  to  be  swallowed  with- 
out waiting,  are  ever  esteemed  good,  from  the  excitement  that  re- 
sults, and  never  seriously  canvassed  for  any  more  sterling  merit. 
Nothing  ever  makes  a  man  so  agreeable  as  the  belief  that  he  is  so ; 
and  certainly  my  fair  companions  appeared  to  have  the  most  excel- 
lent idea  of  ray  powers  in  that  respect ;  and  I  fancy  that  I  made 
more  bons  mots,  hit  off  more  epigrams,  and  invented  more  choice  inci- 
dents on  that  happy  evening,  than,  if  now  remembered,  would 
suffice  to  pay  my  tailor's  bill,  when  collected  for  Bcntley's  Miscellany^ 
and  illustrated  by  Cruikshank.  Alas  1  that,  like  the  good  liquor 
that  seasoned  them,  both  are  gone  by,  and  I  am  left  .but  to  chronicle 
the  memory  of  the  fun  in  dullness,  and  counterfeit  the  effervescence 
of  the  grape-juice  by  soda-water.  One  thing,  however, is  certain, — 
we  formed  a  most  agreeable  party  ;  and  if  a  feeling  of  gloom  ever 
momentarily  shot  through  my  mind,  it  was,  that  evenings  like  these 
came  so  rarely  in  this  work-a-day  world,  that  each  such  should  be 
looked  on  as  our  last. 

If  I  had  not  already  shown  myself  up  to  my  reader  as  a  weather- 
cock of  the  first  water,  perhaps  I  should  now  hesitate  about  confess- 
ing that  I  half  regretted  the  short  space  during  which  it  should  be 
my  privilege  to  act  as  the  guide  and  mentor  of  my  two  friends. 
The  impetuous  haste  which  I  before  felt  necessary  to  exercise  in 
reaching  Paris  immediately  was  now  tempered  by  prudent  thoughts 
about  travelling  at  night,  and  reflections  about  sun-stroke  by  day  ; 
and  even  moments  most  devoted  to  the  object  of  my  heart's  aspira- 
tions were  fettered  by  the  very  philosophic  idea  that  it  could  never 
detract  from  the  pleasure  of  the  happiness  that  awaited  me  if  I 
travelled  on  the  primrose  path  to  its  attainment.  I  argued  thus :  if 
Lady  Jane  be  true — if — if,  in  a  word,  I  am  destined  to  have  any 
success  in  the  Callonby  family,  then  will  a  day  or  two  more  not 
risk  it.  My  present  friends  I  shall,  of  course,  take  leave  of  at 
Paris,  where  their  own  acquaintances  await  them ;  and,  on  the 
other  hand,  should  I  be  doomed  once  more  to  disappointment,  I  am 
equally  certain  I  should  feel  no  disposition  to  form  a  new  attach- 
ment. Thus  did  1  reason,  and  thus  I  believed ;  and  though  T  was  a 
kind  of  "consultation  opinion"  among  my  friends  in  "suits  of 
love,"  I  was  really  then  unaware  that  at  no  time  is  a  man  so  prone 
to  fall  in  love  as  immediately  after  his  being  jilted.  If  common 
sense  will  teach  us  not  to  dance  a  bolero  upon  a  sprained  ankle,  so 
might  it  also  convey  the  equally  important  lesson,  not  to  expose 
our  more  vital  and  inflammatory  organ  to  the  fire  the  day  after  its 
being  singed. 


CALAIS.  211 

Reflections  like  these  did  not  occur  to  me  at  this  moment;  besides 
that,  I  wius  "going  the  pace"  with  a  forty-horse  power  of  agrcca- 
bility  that  left  me  little  time  for  thouglit — least  of  all,  of  serious 
thought.  So  stood  matters.  I  had  just  filled  our  tall,  slender 
glasses  with  the  creaming  and  "sparkling"  source  of  wit  and  inspi- 
ration, when  the  loud  crack,  crack,  crack  of  a  postilion's  whip, 
accompanied  by  the  shaking  trot  of  a  heavy  team,  and  the  roll  of 
■wheels,  announced  a  new  arrival. 

"  Here  they  come,"  said  I ;  "  only  look  at  them — four  horses  and 
one  postilion,  all  apparently  straggling  and  straying  after  their  own 
fancy,  but  yet  going  surprisingly  straight,  notwithstanding.  See 
how  they  come  through  that  narrow  archway — it  might  puzzle  the 
best  four-in-hand  in  England  to  do  it  better." 

"  What  a.  handsome  young  man,  if  he  had  not  those  odious  mus- 
tachios.  Why,  Mr.  Lorrequer,  he  knows  you :  see,  he  is  bowing  to  you." 

"  Me  !  Oh  1  no.  Why,  surely,  it  must  be — the  devil — it  is  Kilkee, 
Lady  Jane's  brother  I  I  know  his  temper  well.  One  five  minutes' 
observation  of  my  present  intimacy  with  my  fair  friends,  and  adieu 
to  all  hopes  for  me  of  calling  Lord  Callonby  my  father-in-law.  There 
is  not,  therefore,  a  moment  to  lose." 

As  these  thoughts  revolved  through  my  mind,  the  confusion  I 
felt  had  covered  my  face  with  scarlet,  and,  with  a  species  of  blun- 
dering apology  for  abruptly  leaving  them  for  a  moment,  I  ran  down 
stairs  only  in  time  sufficient  to  anticipate  Kilkee's  questions  as  to 
the  number  of  my  apartment,  to  which  he  was  desirous  of  proceed- 
ing at  once.  Our  first  greetings  over,  Kilkee  questioned  me  as  to 
my  route,  adding,  that  his  now  was  necessarily  an  undecided  one, 
for,  if  his  family  happened  not  to  be  at  Paris,  he  should  be  obliged 
to  seek  after  them  among  the  German  watering-places.  "  In  any 
case,  Lorrequer,"  said  he,  "we  shall  hunt  them  in  couples.  I  must 
insist  upon  you  coming  along  with  me." 

"Oh  !  that,"  said  I,  "  you  must  not  think  of.  Your  carriage  is  a 
coMp^,  and  I  cannot  think  of  crowding  you." 

"Why,  you  don't  seriously  wish  to  affront  me,  I  hope ;  for  I  flatter 
myself  that  a  more  perfect  carriage  for  two  people  cannot  be  built. 
Hobson  made  it  on  a  plan  of  my  own,  and  I  am  excessively  proud 
of  it,  I  assure  you.  Come,  that  matter  is  decided — now  for  supper. 
Are  there  many  English  here  just  now?  By  the  bye,  the  ladies  I 
think  I  saw  you  standing  with  on  the  balcony — who  are  they?" 

"  Oh  I  the  ladies — oh  I  yes,  people  I  came  over  with " 

"One  was  pretty,  I  fancied.  Have  you  supped?  Just  order 
something,  will  you  ?  meanwhile,  I  shall  write  a  few  lines  before 
the  post  leaves."  Saying  which,  he  dashed  up  stairs  after  the 
waiter,  and  left  me  to  my  meditations. 


212  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

"  This  begins  to  be  pleasant,"  thougbt  I,  as  tbe  door  closed,  leav- 
ing me  alone  in  the  salon.  In  circumstances  of  such  moment  I  had 
never  felt  so  nonplussed  as  now,  how  to  decline  Kilkee's  invitation, 
without  discovering  my  intimacy  with  the  Binghams — and  yet  I 
could  not,  by  any  possibility,  desert  them  thus  abruptly.  Such  was 
the  dilemma.  "  I  see  but  one  thing  for  it,"  said  I,  gloomily,  as  I 
strode  through  the  coffee-room,  with  my  head  sunk,  and  my  hands 
behind  my  back — "  I  see  but  one  thing  left — I  must  be  taken  ill  to- 
night, and  not  be  able  to  leave  my  bed  in  the  morning — a  fever — a 
contagious  fever — blue  and  red  spots  all  over  me — and  be  raving 
wildly  before  breakfast-time  ;  and  if  ever  any  discovery  takes  place 
of  my  intimacy  above  stairs,  I  must  only  establish  it  as  a  premoni- 
tory symptom  of  insanity,  which  seized  me  in  the  packet.  And 
now  for  a  doctor  that  will  understand  my  case,  and  listen  to  reason, 
as  they  would  call  it  in  Ireland."  With  this  idea  uppermost,  I 
walked  out  into  the  court-yard  to  look  for  a  commissionnaire  to 
guide  me  in  my  search.  Around  on  every  side  of  me  stood  the 
various  carriages  and  vehicles  of  the  hotel  and  its  inmates,  to  the 
fiill  as  distinctive  and  peculiar  in  character  as  their  owners.  "  Ah  I 
there  is  Kilkee's,"  said  I,  as  my  eye  lighted  upon  the  well-balanced 
and  elegant  little  carriage  which  he  had  been  only  with  justice 
encomiumizing.  "  It  is  certainly  perfect,  and  yet  I'd  give  a  handful 
of  louis  d'or  if  it  was  like  that  venerable  cabriolet  yonder,  with  the 
one  wheel  and  no  shafts.  But,  alas  !  those  springs  give  little  hope 
of  a  break-down,  and  that  confounded  axle  will  outlive  the 
patentee.  But  still,  can  nothing  be  done — eh  ?  Come,  the  thought 
is  a  good  one.  I  say,  gargon,  who  greases  the  wheels  of  the  carriages 
here?" 

"  G'est  moi,  monsieur"  said  a  great  oaf,  in  wooden  shoes  and  a 
blouse. 

"Well,  then,  do  you  understand  these?"  said  I,  touching  the 
patent  axle-boxes  with  my  cane. 

He  shook  his  head. 

"  Then  who  does  here  ?" 

"  Ah  !  Michel  understands  them  perfectly." 

"  Then  bring  him  here,"  said  I. 

In  a  few  minutes  a  little,  shrewd  old  fellow,  with  a  smith's  apron, 
made  his  appearance,  and  introduced  himself  as  M.  Michel.  I  had 
not  much  difficulty  in  making  him  master  of  my  plan,  which  was, 
to  detach  one  of  the  wheels,  as  if  for  the  purpose  of  oiling  the  axle, 
and  afterwards  render  it  incapable  of  being  replaced,  at  least  for 
twenty-four  hours. 

"This  is  my  idea,"  .said  I;  "nevertheless,  I  do  not  wish  you  to 
be  influenced  by  me.    All  I  ask  is,  that  you  disable  the  carriage 


CALAIS.  213 

from  proceeding  to-morrow,  and  here  are  three  louis  d'or  at  your 
service." 

"  Soycz  bien  tranquille,  monsieur;  milor  shall  spend  to-morrow  in 
Calais,  if  I  know  anything  of  my  art."  Saying  which,  he  set  out  in 
search  of  his  tools,  while  I  returned  to  the  salon  with  my  mind  re- 
lieved, and  fully  prepared  to  press  the  urgency  of  my  reaching 
Paris  without  any  delay. 

"  Well,  Lorrequer,"  said  Kilkee,  as  I  entered ;  "  here  is  supper 
waiting,  and  I  am  as  hungry  as  a  wolf." 

"  Oh !  I  beg  pardon — I've  been  getting  everything  in  readiness 
for  our  start  to-morrow  morning,  for  I  have  not  told  you  how 
anxious  I  am  to  get  to  Paris  before  the  8th — some  family  business, 
which  requires  my  looking  after,  compelling  me  to  do  so." 

"  As  to  that,  let  your  mind  be  at  rest,  for  I  shall  travel  to  morrow 
night  if  you  prefer  it.  Now  for  the  Volney.  Why,  you  are  not 
drinking  your  wine.  What  do  you  say  to  our  paying  our  respects  to 
the  fair  ladies  above  stairs?  I  am  sure  the  attentions  you  have 
practiced  coming  over  would  permit  the  liberty." 

"  Oh,  hang  it,  no  I  There's  neither  of  them  pretty,  and  I  should 
rather  avoid  the  risk  of  making  a  regular  acquaintance  with  them," 
said  I. 

"  As  you  like,  then  ;  only,  as  you'll  not  take  any  wine,  let  us  have 
a  stroll  through  the  town." 

After  a  short  ramble  through  the  town,  in  which  Kilkee  talked 
the  entire  time,  but  of  what  I  know  not,  my  thoughts  being  upon 
my  own  immediate  concerns,  we  returned  to  the  hotel.  As  we 
entered  the  porte-cochire,  my  friend  Michel  passed  me,  and  as  he 
took  off  his  hat  in  salutation,  gave  me  one  rapid  glance  of  his  know- 
ing eye,  that  completely  satisfied  me  th.at  Hobson's  pride  in  my 
friend's  carriage  had  by  that  time  received  quite  sufficient  provoca- 
tion to  throw  him  into  an  apoplexy. 

"  By  the  bye,"  said  I,  "  let  us  see  your  carriage.  I  am  curious  to 
look  at  it," — (and  so  I  was). 

"  Well,  then,  come  along  this  way ;  they  have  placed  it  under 
some  of  these  sheds,  which  they  think  coach-houses." 

I  followed  my  friend  through  the  court  till  we  arrived  near  the 
fatal  spot ;  but  before  reaching  it,  he  had  caught  a  glimpse  of  the 
mischief,  and  shouted  out  a  most  awful  imprecation  upon  the 
author  of  the  deed  which  met  his  eye.  The  fore-wheel  of  the  coupi 
had  been  taken  from  the  axle,  and  in  the  difficulty  of  so  doing, 
from  the  excellence  of  the  workmaiiship,  two  of  the  spokes  were 
broken,  the  patent  box  was  a  mass  of  rent  metal,  and  the  end  of  the 
axle  turned  downward  like  a  hoe. 

I  cannot  convey  any  idea  of  poor  Kilkee's  distraction ;  and,  in 


214  HA  RRY  L  ORREQ  UER. 

reality,  my  own  was  little  short  of  it,  for  the  wretch  had  so  far  out- 
stripped my  orders,  that  I  became  horrified  at  the  cruel  destruction 
before  me.  We  both,  therefore,  stormed  in  the  most  imposing  Eng- 
lish and  French,  first  separately  and  then  together.  We  offered  a 
reward  for  the  apprehension  of  the  culprit,  whom  no  one  appeared 
to  know,  although,  as  it  happened,  every  one  in  a  large  household 
was  aware  of  the  transaction  but  the  proprietor  himself.  We  abused 
all — innkeepers,  waiters,  hostlers,  and  chambermaids,  collectively 
and  individually ;  condemned  Calais  as  a  den  of  iniquity,  and 
branded  all  Frenchmen  as  rogues  and  vagabonds.  This  seemed  to 
alleviate  considerably  my  friend's  grief,  and  excite  my  thirst — 
fortunately,  perhaps,  for  us,  for  if  our  eloquence  had  held  out  much 
longer  I  am  afraid  our  auditory  might  have  lost  their  patience ;  and, 
indeed,  I  am  quite  certain,  if  our  French  had  not  been  in  nearly  as 
disjointed  a  condition  as  the  spokes  of  the  caliche,  such  must  have 
been  the  case. 

"  Well,  Lorrequer,  I  suppose,  then,  we  are  not  destined  to  be 
fellow-travellers — for  if  you  must  go  to-morrow " 

"  Alas  I  it  is  imperative,"  said  I. 

"  Then,  in  any  case,  let  us  arrange  where  we  shall  meet,  for  I  hope 
to  be  in  Paris  the  day  after  you," 

"  I'll  stop  at  Meurice's." 

"  Meurice's  be  it,"  said  he ;  "  so  now  good-night,  till  we  meet  in 
Paris." 


CHAPTER  XXV. 

THE  GENDARME. 

FORTUNATELY  I  had  sufficient  influence  upon  my  fair  friends 
to  persuade  them  to  leave  Calais  early  on  the  morning  follow- 
ing ;  and  two  hours  before  Kilkee  had  opened  his  eyes  upon 
this  mortal  life  we  were  far  upon  the  road  to  Paris. 

Having  thus  far  perfectly  succeeded  in  my  plot,  my  spirit  rose 
rapidly,  and  I  made  every  exertion  to  make  the  road  appear  shoi't 
to  my  fellow-travellers.  This  part  of  France  is  unfortunately  defi- 
cient in  any  interest  from  scenery  ;  large  undivided  tracts  of  waving 
corn-fields,  with  a  background  of  apparently  interminable  forests, 
and  occasionally,  but  rarely,  the  glimpse  of  some  old  time-worn 
chateau,  with  its  pointed  gable  and  terraced  walk,  are  nearly  all 
that  the  eye  can  detect  in  the  intervals  between  the  small  towns  and 
villages.  Nothing,  however,  is  "  flat  or  unprofitable"  to  tliose  who 
desire  to  make  it  otherwise;  good  health,  good  spirits,  and  fine 


THE  GENDARME.  215 

weather,  are  wonderful  travelling  companions,  and  render  one  toler- 
ably independent  of  the  charms  of  scenery.  Every  mile  that  sepa- 
rated me  from  Calais,  and  took  away  the  chance  of  being  overtaken, 
added  to  my  gaycty,  and  I  flatter  myself  that  a  happier  party  have 
rarely  travelled  that  well-frequented  road. 

We  reached  Abbeville  in  time  for  dinner,  and  adjourned  to  the 
beautiful  little  garden  of  the  inn  for  our  coffee ;  the  evening  was  so 
deliglitful  that  I  proposed  to  walk  on  the  Paris  road,  until  the 
coming  up  of  the  carriage,  which  required  a  screw,  or  a  washer,  or 
some  such  trifle  as  always  occurs  in  French  posting.  To  this 
"  mamma"  objected,  she  being  tired,  but  added,  that  Isabella  and  I 
might  go  on,  and  that  she  would  take  us  up  in  half  an  hour.  This 
was  an  arrangement  so  very  agreeable  and  unlooked-for  by  me,  that 
I  pressed  Miss  Bingham  as  far  as  I  well  could,  and  at  last  succeeded 
in  overcoming  her  scruples,  and  permitting  me  to  shawl  her.  One 
has  always  a  tremendous  power  of  persuasion  with  the  uninitiated 
abroad,  by  a  reference  to  a  standard  of  manners  and  habits  totally 
different  from  our  own.  Thus  the  talismanic  words  :  "  Oh,  don't  bo 
shocked ;  remember  you  are  in  France,"  did  more  to  satisfy  my 
young  friend's  mind  than  all  I  could  have  said  for  an  hour.  Little 
did  she  know  that  in  England  only  has  an  unmarried  young  lady 
any  liberty,  and  that  the  standard  of  foreign  propriety  on  this  head 
is  far,  very  far  more  rigid  than  our  own. 

"  La  premidre  rue  a  gauche,"  said  an  old  man  of  whom  I  inquired 
the  road.     "  Et  puis"  added  I. 

"  And  then  quite  straight ;  it  is  a  ehaussde  all  the  way,  and  you 
cannot  mistake  it." 

"  Now  for  it,  mademoiselle,"  said  I.  "  Let  us  try  if  we  cannot 
see  a  good  deal  of  the  country  before  the  carriage  comes  up." 

We  had  soon  left  the  town  behind,  and  reached  a  beautifully- 
shaded  high  road,  with  blossoming  fruit-trees,  and  honeysuckle- 
covered  cottages;  there  had  been  several  light  showers  during  the 
day,  and  the  air  had  all  the  fresh,  fragrant  feeling  of  an  autumn 
evening,  so  tranquillizing  and  calming  that  few  there  are  who  have 
not  felt,  at  some  time  or  other  of  their  lives,  its  influence  upon  their 
minds.  I  fancied  my  fair  companion  did  so,  for,  as  she  walked 
beside  me,  her  silence  and  the  gentle  pressure  of  her  arm  were  far 
more  eloquent  than  words. 

If  that  extraordinary  flutter  and  flurry  of  sensations  which  will 
now  and  then  seize  you,  when  walking  upon  a  lonely  country  road 
with  a  pretty  girl  for  your  companion,  whose  arm  is  linked  in  yours, 
and  whose  thouglits,  as  far  .as  you  can  guess,  at  least,  are  travelling 
the  same  path  with  your  own — if  this  be  animal  magnetism,  or  one 
of  its  phenomena,  then  do  I  swear  by  Mesmer  1    Whatever  it  be. 


216  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

delusion  or  otherwise,  it  has  given  me  the  brightest  moments  of  my 
life — these  are  the  real  "  winged  dreams  "  of  pleasures  which  outlive 
others  of  more  absorbing  and  actual  interest  at  the  time.  After  all, 
for  how  many  of  our  happiest  feelings  are  we  indebted  to  the  weak- 
ness of  our  nature.  The  man  that  is  wise  at  nineteen,  je  lui  enfais 
mon  compliment,  but  I  assuredly  do  not  envy  him ;  and  now,  even 
now,  when  I  number  more  years  than  I  should  like  to  "  confess," 
rather  than  suffer  the  suspicious  watchfulness  of  age  to  creep  on  me, 
I  prefer  to  "  go  on  believing,"  even  though  every  hour  of  the  day 
should  show  me  duped  and  deceived.  While  I  plead  guilty  to  this 
impeachment,  let  me  show,  in  mitigation,  that  it  has  its  enjoyments 
— first,  although  I  am  the  most  constant  and  devoted  man  breath- 
ing, as  a  very  cursory  glance  at  these  "  Confessions"  may  prove,  yet 
I  have  never  been  able  to  restrain  myself  from  a  propensity  to  make 
love  merely  as  a  pastime.  The  gambler  that  sits  down  to  play 
cards,  or  dice,  against  himself,  may  perhaps  be  the  only  person  that 
can  comprehend  this  tendency  of  mine.  We  both  of  us  are  playing 
for  nothing  (or  love,  which  I  suppose  is  synonymous) ;  we  neither 
of  us  put  forth  our  strength ;  for  that  very  reason — and  in  fact,  like 
the  waiter  at  Vauxhall,  who  was  complimented  upon  the  dexterity 
with  which  he  poured  out  the  lemonade,  and  confessed  that  he 
spent  his  mornings  "  practising  with  vater," — we  pass  a  considera- 
ble portion  of  our  lives  in  a  mimic  warfare,  which,  if  it  seem  unpro- 
fitable, is  nevertheless  pleasant. 

After  all  this  long  tirade,  need  I  say  how  our  walk  proceeded  ? 
We  had  fallen  into  a  kind  of  discussion  upon  the  singular  intimacy 
which  had  so  rapidly  grown  up  between  us,  and  which  years  long 
might  have  failed  to  engender.  We  attempted  also  to  analyze  the 
reasons  for,  and  the  nature  of,  the  friendship  thus  so  suddenly 
established — a  rather  dangerous  and  difficult  topic,  when  the  parties 
were  both  young — one  eminently  handsome,  and  the  other  disposed 
to  be  most  agreeable.  Oh,  my  dear  young  friends  of  either  sex, 
whatever  your  feelings  be  for  one  another,  keep  them  to  yourselves ; 
I  know  of  nothing  half  so  hazardous  as  that  "  comparing  of  notes  " 
which  sometimes  happens.  Analysis  is  a  beautiful  thing  in  mathe- 
matics or  chemistry,  but  it  makes  sad  havoc  when  applied  to  the 
"  functions  of  the  heart." 

"  Mamma  appears  to  have  forgotten  us,"  said  Isabella,  as  she 
spoke,  after  walking  for  some  time  in  silence  beside  me. 

"Oh,  depend  upon  it,  the  carriage  has  taken  all  this  time  to 
repair;  but  you  are  tired?" 

"  Oh,  by  no  means ;  the  evening  is  delightful,  but " 

"  Then,  perhaps,  you  are  ennuyie,"  said  I,  half  pettishly,  to  pro- 
voke a  disclaimer  if  possible.     To  this  insidiously -put  query  I  re- 


THE  OEXDAnME.  217 

ceived,  as  I  deserved,  no  answer,  and  again  wo  sauntered  on  with- 
out speaking, 

"To  whom  does  that  chateau  belong,  my  old  friend?"  said  I> 
addressing  a  man  on  the  roadside, 

"To  Monsieur  le  marquis,  sir,"  replied  he. 

"  But  what's  his  name,  tliough  ?" 

"  Ah,  that  I  can't  tell  you,"  replied  the  man  again. 

There  you  may  perceive  how,  even  yet,  in  provincial  France,  the 
old  respect  for  the  aristocracy  still  survives ;  it  is  sullicient  that  the 
possessor  of  that  fine  place  is  "  Monsieur  le  marquis ;"  but  any 
other  knowledge  of  who  he  is,  and  what,  is  superfluous.  "  How  far 
are  we  from  the  next  village,  do  you  know  ?" 

"  About  a  league," 

"  Indeed.     Why,  I  thought  La  Scarpe  was  quite  near  us," 

"  Ah,  you  are  thinking  of  the  Amiens  road," 

"  Yes,  of  course ;  and  is  not  this  the  Amiens  road  ?" 

"Oh,  no;  the  Amiens  road  lies  beyond  those  low  hiUs  to  the 
right.    You  pass  the  turn  at  the  first  barriAre." 

"Is  it  possible  we  could  have  ccme  wrong?" 

"  Oh,  Mr,  Lorrequer,  don't  say  so,  I  entreat  of  you," 

"  And  what  road  is  this,  then,  my  friend  ?" 

"This  is  the  road  to  Albert  and  Peronne," 

"Unfortunately,  I  believe  he  is  quite  right.  Is  there  any  cross- 
road from  the  village  before  us  now  to  the  Amiens  road?" 

"  Yes ;  you  can  reach  it  about  two  leagues  hence." 

"And  we  can  get  a  carriage  at  the  inn,  probably?" 

"Ah,  that  I  am  not  sure  of.  Perhaps  at  the  'Lion  d'Or'  you 
may," 

"  But  why  not  go  back  to  Abbeville  ?" 

"  Oh,  Mrs,  Bingham  must  have  left  long  since,  and  besides,  you 
forget  the  distance ;  we  have  been  walking  two  hours," 

"  Now  for  the  village,"  said  I,  as  I  drew  my  friend's  arm  closer 
within  mine,  and  we  set  out  in  a  fast  walk, 

Isabella  seemed  terribly  frightened  at  the  whole  affair ;  what  her 
mamma  might  think,  and  what  might  be  her  fears  at  not  finding  us 
on  the  road,  and  a  hundred  other  encouraging  reflections  of  this 
nature,  she  poured  forth  unceasingly.  As  for  myself,  I  did  not  know 
well  what  to  think  of  it;  my  old  fondness  ever  for  adventure  being 
sufiicieutly  strong  in  me  to  give  a  relish  to  anything  which  bore  the 
least  resemblance  to  one.  This  I  now  concealed,  and  sympathized 
with  my  fair  friend  upon  our  mishap,  assuring  her,  at  the  same  time, 
that  there  could  be  no  doubt  of  our  overtaking  Mrs,  Bingham  before 
her  arrival  at  Amiens, 

"  Ah,  there  is  the  village  in  the  valley ;  how  beautifully  situated !" 


■218  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

"Oh,  I  can't  admire  anything  now,  Mr.  Lorrequer,  I  am  bo 
frightened." 

"  But  surely  without  cause,"  said  I,  looking  tenderly  beneath  her 
bonnet. 

"Is  this,"  she  answered,  "nothing?"  And  we  walked  on  in 
silence  again. 

Ou  reaching  the  "  Lion  d'Or,"  we  discovered  that  the  only  con- 
veyance to  be  had  was  a  species  of  open  market-cart  drawn  by  two 
horses,  and  in  which  it  was  necessary  that  my  fair  friend  and  myself 
should  seat  ourselves  side  by  side  upon  straw ;  there  was  no  choice ; 
and  as  for  Miss  Bingham,  I  believe  if  an  ass  with  panniers  had  pre- 
sented itself,  she  would  have  preferred  it  to  remaining  where  she 
was.  We  therefore  took  our  places,  and  she  could  not  refrain  from 
laughing  as  we  set  out  upon  our  journey  in  this  absurd  equipage, 
every  jolt  of  which  threw  us  from  side  to  side,  and  rendered  every 
attention  on  my  part  requisite  to  prevent  her  being  upset. 

After  about  two  hours'  travelling,  we  arrived  at  the  Amiens  road, 
and  stopped  at  the  barriire.  I  immediately  inquired  if  a  carriage 
had  passed,  resembling  Mrs.  Bingham's,  and  learned  that  it  had, 
about  an  hour  before,  and  that  the  lady  in  it  had  been  informed  that 
two  persons,  like  those  she  asked  after,  had  been  seen  in  a  caleche, 
driving  rapidly  to  Amiens,  upon  which  she  set  out  as  fast  as  possible 
in  pursuit. 

"  Certainly,"  said  I,  "  the  plot  is  thickening ;  but  for  that  unlucky 
mistake,  she  might  in  all  probability  have  waited  here  for  us. 
Amiens  is  only  two  leagues  now,  so  our  drive  will  not  be  long,  and 
before  six  o'clock  we  shall  all  be  laughing  over  the  matter  as  a  very 
good  joke." 

On  we  rattled,  and  as  the  road  became  less  frequented,  and  the 
shadows  lengthened,  I  could  not  but  wonder  at  the  strange  situations 
which  the  adventurous  character  of  my  life  had  so  often  involved 
me  in.  Meanwhile,  my  fair  friend's  spirits  became  more  and  more 
depressed,  and  it  was  not  without  the  greatest  difBculty  I  was 
enabled  to  support  her  courage,  I  assured  her,  and  not  altogether 
without  reason,  that  though  so  often  in  my  eventful  career  accidents 
were  occurring  which  rendered  it  dubious  and  difficult  to  reach  the 
goal  T  aimed  at,  yet  the  results  had  so  often  been  more  pleasant  than 
I  could  have  anticipated,  that  I  always  felt  a  kind  of  involuntary 
satisfaction  at  some  apparent  obstacle  to  my  path,  setting  it  down 
as  some  especial  means  of  fortune,  to  heighten  the  pleasure  awaiting 
me ;  "  and  now,"  added  I,  "  even  here,  perhaps,  in  this  very  mistake 
of  our  road — the  sentiments  I  have  heard — the  feelings  I  have  given 

utterance  to "     What  I  was  about  to  say,  Heaven  onlv  knows — 

perhaps  nothing  less  than  a  downright  proposal  was  coming ;  but  at 


THE  GENDARME.  219 

that  critical  moment  a  gcndarmo  rode  up  to  the  side  of  our  wagon, 
and  surveyed  us  with  the  peculiarly  siguilicant  scowl  his  order  is 
gifted  with.  After  trotting  alongside  lor  a  few  seconds,  he  ordered 
the  driver  to  halt,  and,  turning  abruptly  to  us,  demanded  our  p:iss- 
ports.  Now  our  ])assports  were  at  that  precise  moment  peaceably 
reposing  in  the  side-pocket  of  Mrs.  Bingham's  carriage ;  I,  therefore, 
explained  to  the  gendarme  how  we  were  circumstanced,  and  added, 
tliat  on  arriving  at  Amiens  the  passports  should  be  produced.  To 
this  he  replied  that  all  might  be  perfectly  true,  but  he  did  not  be- 
lieve a  word  of  it — that  he  had  received  an  order  for  the  apprehen- 
sion of  two  English  persons  travelling  that  road — and  that  he  should 
accordingly  request  our  company  back  to  Chantraine,  the  commis- 
saire  of  which  place  was  his  officer. 

"  But  why  not  take  us  to  Ameins,"  I  said ;  "  particularly  when  I 
tell  you  that  we  can  then  show  our  passports? 

"  I  belong  to  the  Chantraine  district,"  was  the  laconic  answer ; 
and  like  the  gentleman  who  could  not  weep  at  the  sermon  because 
he  belonged  to  another  parish,  this  specimen  of  a  French  Dogberry 
would  not  hear  reason  except  in  his  own  district. 

No  arguments  which  I  could  think  of  had  any  effect  upon  him, 
and  amid  a  volley  of  entreaty  and  imprecation,  both  equally  vain, 
we  saw  ourselves  turn  back  uj)on  the  road  to  Amiens,  and  set  out  at 
a  round  trot  to  Chantraine,  on  the  road  to  Calais. 

Poor  Isabella!  I  really  pitied  her;  hitherto  her  courage  had  been 
principally  sustained  by  the  prospect  of  soon  reaching  Amiens  :  now, 
there  was  no  seeing  where  our  adventure  was  to  end.  Besides  that, 
actual  fatigue  from  the  wretched  conveyance  began  to  distress  her, 
and  she  was  scarcely  able  to  support  herself,  though  assisted  by  my 
arm.  What  a  perilous  position  mine,  whispering  consolation  and 
comfort  to  a  pretty  girl  on  a  lonely  road,  the  only  person  near  being 
one  who  comprehended  nothing  of  the  language  we  spoke  in.  Ah, 
how  little  do  we  know  of  fate,  and  how  often  do  we  despise  circum- 
stances that  determine  all  our  fortunes  in  the  world !  To  think 
that  a  gendarme  should  have  anything  to  do  with  my  future  lot  in 
life,  and  that  the  real  want  of  a  passport  to  travel  should  involve 
the  probable  want  of  a  license  to  marry.  "Yes,  it  is  quite  in  keep- 
ing," thought  I,  "with  every  step  I  have  taken  through  life.  I 
may  be  brought  before  the  '  maire'  as  a  culprit,  and  leave  him  as  a 
Benedict." 

On  reaching  the  town,  we  were  not  permitted  to  drive  to  the  inn, 
but  at  once  conveyed  to  the  house  of  the  "  commissaire,"  who  was 
also  the  "  maire"  of  the  district.  The  worthy  functionary  was  long 
since  in  bed,  and  it  was  only  after  ringing  violently  for  half  an  hour 
that  a  head,  surmounted  with  a  dirty  cotton  nightcap,  iieeped  from 


220  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

an  upper  window,  and  seemed  to  survey  the  assemblage  beneath 
with  patient  attention.  By  tliis  time  a  considerable  crowd  had 
collected  from  the  neighboring  ale-houses  and  cabarets,  who  deemed 
it  a  most  fitting  occasion  to  honor  us  with  the  most  infernal  yells 
and  shouts,  as  indicating  their  love  of  justice  and  delight  in  detecting 
knavery ;  and  that  we  were  both  involved  in  such  suspicion  we  had 
not  long  to  learn.  Meanwhile,  the  poor  old  maire,  who  had  been 
an  employ^  in  the  stormy  days  of  the  Revolution,  and  also  under 
Napoleon,  and  who  fully  concurred  with  Swift  that  "  a  crowd  is  a 
mob,  if  composed  even  of  bishops,"  firmly  believed  that  the  uproar 
beneath  in  the  street  was  the  announcement  of  a  new  change  of 
affairs  at  Paris,  determined  to  be  early  in  the  field,  and  shouted, 
therefore,  with  all  his  lungs — "  Vive  la  nation  I —  Vive  la  charte  I — A 
las  les  autres .'"  A  tremendous  shout  of  laughter  saluted  this  exhibi- 
tion of  unexpected  republicanism,  and  the  poor  maire  retired  from 
the  window,  having  learned  his  mistake,  covered  with  shame  and 
confusion. 

Before  the  mirth  caused  by  this  blunder  had  subsided,  the  door 
had  opened,  and  we  were  ushered  into  the  bureau,  accompanied  by 
the  anxious  crowd,  all  curious  to  know  the  particulars  of  our  crime. 

The  maire  soon  appeared,  his  nightcap  being  replaced  by  a  small 
black  velvet  skull-cap,  and  his  lanky  figure  enveloped  in  a  tarnished 
silk  dressing-gown ;  he  permitted  us  to  be  seated,  while  the  gen- 
darme recounted  the  suspicious  circumstances  of  our  travelling,  and 
produced  the  order  to  arrest  an  Englishman  and  his  wife  who  had 
arrived  in  one  of  the  late  Boulogne  packets,  and  who  had  carried  off 
from  some  banking-house  money  and  bills  to  a  large  amount. 

"  I  have  no  doubt  these  are  the  people,"  said  the  gendarme ;  "  and 
here  is  the  '  carte  descriptive.'  Let  us  compare  it :  '  Forty-two  or 
forty-three  years  of  age.'  " 

"  I  trust,  Monsieur  le  maire,'i  said  I,  overhearing  this,  "  that 
ladies  do  not  recognize  me  as  so  .much." 

"  '  Of  a  pale  and  cadaverous  aspect,'  continued  the  gendarme. 

"  Civil  and  complimentary,  certainly,"  added  I. 

"  '  Squints  much  with  the  left  eye.'  Look  at  Monsieur  le  maire,  if 
you  please,  sir,"  said  the  gendarme. 

Upon  this  the  old  functionary,  wiping  his  spectacles  with  a 
snuffy  handkerchief,  as  if  preparing  them  to  examine  an  eclipse  of 
the  sun,  regarded  me  fixedly  for  several  minutes,  and  said,  "Oh, 
yes,  I  perceive  it  plainly ;  continue  the  description." 

" '  Five  feet  three  inches,'  "  said  the  gendarme. 

"  Six  feet  one  in  England,  whatever  this  climate  may  have  done 


since." 


"  *  Speaks  broken  and  bad  French.' " 


THE  GENDARME.  221 

"Like  a  n.itlve,"  said  I;  "at  least,  so  said  my  friends  in  tho 
Chaussoe  d'Antin,  in  the  year  fifteen." 

Here  the  catalogue  ended,  and  a  short  conference  between  the 
maire  and  the  gendarme  ensued,  which  ended  in  our  being  com- 
mitted for  examination  on  the  morrow;  meanwhile,  we  were  to 
remain  at  the  inn,  under  the  surveillance  of  the  gendarme. 

On  reaching  the  inn,  my  poor  friend  was  so  completely  exhausted, 
that  she  at  once  retired  to  her  room,  and  I  proceeded  to  fuliill  a 
promise  I  had  made  her  to  despatch  a  note  to  ]\Irs.  Bingham  at 
Amiens  by  a  special  messenger,  acquainting  her  with  all  our  mis- 
haps, and  requesting  her  to  come  or  send  to  our  assistance.  This 
done,  and  a  good  supper  smoking  before  me,  of  which  with  difficulty 
I  persuaded  Isabella  to  partake  in  her  own  room,  I  again  regained 
my  equanimity,  and  felt  once  more  at  ease. 

The  gendarme  in  whose  guardianship  I  had  been  left  was  a  fine 
specimen  of  his  caste;  a  large  and  powerfully-built  man  of  about 
fifty,  with  an  enormous  beard  of  grizzly  brown  and  gray  hair,  meet- 
ing above  and  beneath  his  nether  lip;  his  eyebrows  were  heavy  and 
beetling,  and  nearly  concealed  his  sharp  gray  eyes,  while  a  deep 
sabre-wound  had  left  u{)on  his  cheek  a  long  white  scar,  giving  a  most 
warlike  and  ferocious  look  to  his  features. 

As  he  sat  apart  from  me  for  some  time,  silent  and  motionless,  I 
could  not  help  imagining  in  how  many  a  hard-fought  day  he  had 
borne  a  part,  for  he  evidently,  from  his  age  and  bearing,  had  been 
one  of  the  soldiers  of  the  Empire.  I  invited  him  to  partake  of  my 
bottle  of  Medoc,  by  which  he  seemed  flattered.  When  the  flask 
became  low,  and  was  replaced  by  another,  he  appeared  to  have  lost 
much  of  his  constrained  air,  and  seemed  forgetting  rapidly  the  sus- 
picious circumstances  which  he  supposed  attached  to  me,  waxed 
wondrous  confidential  and  communicative,  condescending  to  impart 
some  traits  of  a  life  which  was  not  without  its  vicissitudes,  for  ho 
had  been,  as  I  suspected,  one  of  the  "Garde" — the  old  Garde — was 
wounded  at  Marengo,  and  received  his  decoration  in  the  field  of 
Wagram  from  the  hands  of  the  Emperor  himself.  The  headlong 
enthusiasm  of  attachment  to  Napoleon  which  his  brief  and  stormy 
career  elicited,  even  from  those  who  suflcred  long  and  deeply  in  his 
behalf,  is  not  one  of  the  Icsist  singular  circumstances  which  this 
portion  of  history  displays.  While  the  rigors  of  the  conscription 
had  invaded  every  family  in  France,  from  Normandy  to  La  Vendee 
— while  the  untilled  fields,  the  ruined  granaries,  the  half-deserted 
villages,  all  attested  the  depopulation  of  the  land,  those  talismanic 
words,  VEmpercur  et  la  Gloire,  by  some  magic  mechanism  seemed  all- 
sufiicient  not  only  to  repress  regret  and  suflerlng,  but  oven  stinuilato 
pride  and  nourish  valor ;  and  even  yet,  when  it  might  be  supposed 


222  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

that,  like  the  brilliant  spectacle  of  a  magic  lantern,  the  gaudy 
pageant  had  passed  away,  leaving  only  darkness  and  desolation 
behind  it,  the  memory  of  those  days  under  the  Empire  survives 
untarnished  and  unimpaired,  and  every  sacrifice  of  friends  or  for- 
tune is  accounted  but  little  in  the  balance  when  the  honor  of  ^a  belle 
France  and  the  triumphs  of  the  grande  armde  are  weighed  against 
them.  The  infatuated  and  enthusiastic  followers  of  this  great  man 
would  seem,  in  some  respects,  to  resemble  the  drunkard  in  the  vaude- 
ville, who  alleges  as  his  excuse  for  drinking,  that  whenever  he  was 
sober,  his  poverty  disgusted  him.  "  My  cabin,"  said  he,  "  is  a  cell, 
my  wife  a  mass  of  old  rags,  my  child  a  wretched  object  of  misery 
and  malady.  But  give  me  brandy,  let  me  only  have  that,  and  then 
my  hut  is  a  palace,  my  wife  is  a  princess,  and  my  child  the  very 
picture  of  health  and  happiness  ;"  so  with  these  people — intoxicated 
with  the  triumphs  of  their  nation,  tete  montie  with  victory — they 
cannot  exist  in  the  horror  of  sobriety  which  peace  necessarily  en- 
forces; and  whenever  the  subject  turns  in  conversation  upon  the 
distresses  of  the  time  or  the  evil  prospects  of  the  country,  they  call 
out,  not  like  the  drunkard  for  brandy,  but  in  the  same  spirit  they 
say,  "Ah,  if  you  would  again  see  France  flourishing  and  happy,  let 
us  once  more  have  our  croix  dhonneur,  our  epaulets,  our  voluntary 
contributions,  our  Murillos,  our  Velasquez,  our  spoils  from  Venice, 
and  our  increased  territories  to  rule  over."  This  is  the  language  of 
the  Bonapartist  everywhere  and  at  all  seasons  ;  and  the  mass  of  the 
nation  is  wonderfully  disposed  to  participate  in  the  sentiment.  The 
Empire  was  the  "iEneid "  of  the  nation,  and  Napoleon  the  only 
hero  they  could  believe  in.  You  may  satisfy  yourself  of  this  easily. 
Every  cafe  will  give  evidence  of  it,  every  society  bears  testimony  to 
it,  and  even  the  most  wretched  vaudeville,  however  trivial  the  inter- 
est, however  meagre  the  story  and  poor  the  diction,  let  the  Emperor 
but  have  his  role,  let  him  be  as  laconic  as  possible,  carry  his  hands 
behind  his  back,  wear  the  well-known  low  cocked  hat  and  the  red- 
ingote  grise,  the  success  is  certain ;  every  sentence  he  utters  is  ap- 
plauded, and  not  a  single  allusion  to  the  Pyramids,  the  sun  of 
Austcrlitz,  la  Gloire,  et  la  Vieile  Garde,  but  is  sure  to  bring  down 
thunders  of  acclamation.  But  I  am  forgetting  myself,  and  perhaps 
my  reader  too  ;  the  conversation  of  the  old  gendarme  accidentally 
led  me  into  reflections  like  these,  and  he  was  well  calculated  in 
many  ways  to  call  them  forth.  His  devoted  attachment,  his  per- 
sonal love  of  the  Emperor,  of  which  he  gave  me  some  touching 
instances,  was  admirably  illustrated  by  an  incident,  which  I  am 
inclined  to  tell,  and  hope  it  may  amuse  the  reader  as  much  as  it  did 
myself  on  hearing  it. 
When  Napoleon  had  taken  possession  of  the  papal  dominions,  as 


THE  GENDARME.  22S 

Le  virtually  did,  and  carried  off  the  Pope  Pius  VI.  to  Paris,  this 
old  soldier,  then  a  musketeer  in  the  "  CJarde,"  formed  i)art  of  the 
company  that  mounted  guard  over  the  holy  father.  During  the 
earlier  months  of  the  holy  father's  confinement,  he  was  at  liberty 
to  leave  his  apartments  at  any  hour  he  pleased,  and  cross  the  court- 
yard of  the  palace  to  the  chapel  where  he  performed  mass.  At 
such  moments  the  portion  of  the  Imperial  Guard  then  on  duty 
stood  under  arms,  and  received  from  the  august  hand  of  the  Pope 
his  benediction  as  he  passed.  But  one  morning  a  hasly  express 
arrived  from  the  Tuileries,  and  the  officer  on  duty  communicated 
his  instructions  to  his  i)arty,  that  the  apostolic  vicar  was  not  to  be 
permitted  to  pass,  as  heretofore,  to  the  chapel,  and  that  a  most  rigid 
superintendence  was  to  be  exercised  over  his  movements.  My  poor 
companion  had  his  turn  for  duty  on  that  ill-starred  day ;  he  had  not 
been  long  at  his  post  when  the  sound  of  footsteps  was  heard  ap- 
proaching, and  he  soon  saw  the  procession  which  always  attended 
the  holy  father  to  his  devotions  advancing  towards  him ;  he  imme- 
diately placed  himself  across  the  passage,  and,  with  his  musket  in 
rest,  barred  the  exit,  declaring  at  the  same  time  that  such  were  his 
orders.  In  vain  the  priests  who  formed  the  cortege  addressed  them- 
selves to  his  heart,  and  spoke  to  his  feelings,  and,  at  last,  finding 
little  success  by  these  methods,  explained  to  him  the  mortal  sin  and 
crime,  for  which  eternal  damnation  itself  might  not  be  a  too  heavy 
retribution,  if  he  persisted  in  preventing  his  Iloliness  to  pass,  and 
thus  be  the  means  of  ojjposing  an  obstacle  to  the  head  of  the  whole 
Catholic  Church  from  celebrating  the  mass.  The  soldier  remained 
firm  and  unmoved,  the  only  answer  he  returned  being,  "  that  he  had 
his  orders,  and  dared  not  disobey  them."  The  Pope,  however,  per- 
sisted in  his  resolution,  and  endeavored  to  pass,  when  the  hardy 
veteran  retreated  a  step,  and  placing  his  musket  and  bayonet  at  the 
charge,  called  out,  "  Au  nom  de  VEmpereur"  when  the  pious  party 
at  last  yielded,  and  slowly  retired  within  the  palace. 

Not  many  days  after,  this  severe  restriction  was  recalled,  and 
once  more  the  father  was  permitted  to  go  to  and  from  the  chapel 
of  the  palace  at  such  times  as  he  pleased,  and  again,  as  before,  in 
passing  the  corridor,  the  guards  presented  arms,  and  received  the 
holy  benediction,  all  except  one ;  upon  him  the  head  of  the  Church 
frowned  severely,  and  turned  his  back  while  extending  his  pious 
hands  towards  the  others.  "And  yet,"  said  the  poor  fellow,  in  con- 
cluding his  story — "and  yet  I  could  not  have  done  otherwise;  I 
had  my  orders,  and  must  have  followed  them,  and  had  the  Emperor 
commanded  it,  I  should  have  run  my  bayonet  through  the  body  of 
the  holy  father  himself. 

"  Thus,  you  see,  my  dear  sir,  how  I  have  loved  the  Emperor,  for 


224  HARE  Y  L  ORREQ  VER. 

I  have  many  a  day  stood  under  fire  for  him  in  this  world,  et  il  faut 

que  j'aime  encore  au  feu  pour  lux  apris  ma  mort." 

He  received  in  good  part  the  consolations  I  offered  him  on  this 
head,  but  I  plainly  saw  they  did  not,  could  not,  relieve  his  mind 
from  the  horrible  conviction  he  lay  under,  that  his  soul's  safety  for- 
ever had  been  bartered  for  his  attachment  to  the  Emperor. 

This  story  had  brought  us  to  the  end  of  the  third  bottle  of  Medoc; 
and,  as  I  was  neither  the  Pope,  nor  had  any  very  decided  intentions 
of  saying  mass,  he  offered  no  obstacle  to  my  retiring  for  the  night, 
and  betaking  myself  to  my  bed. 


CHAPTER  XXVI. 

THE   INN  AT   CHANTRAINE. 

WHEN  contrasted  with  the  comforts  of  an  English  bedroom 
in  a  good  hotel,  how  miserably  short  does  the  appearance 
of  a  French  one  fall  in  the  estimation  of  the  tired  traveller. 
In  exchange  for  the  carpeted  floor,  the  well-curtained  windows,  the 
richly-tapestried  bed,  the  well-cushioned  arm-chair,  and  the  innu- 
merable other  luxuries  which  await  him,  he  has  nought  but  a  nar- 
row, uncurtained  bed,  a  bare  floor — occasionally  a  flagged  one — 
three  hard,  cane-bottomed  chairs,  and  a  looking-glass  which  may 
convey  an  idea  of  how  you  would  look  under  the  combined  influence 
of  the  cholera  and  a  stroke  of  apoplexy,  one  half  of  your  face  being 
twice  the  length  of  the  other,  and  the  entire  of  it  of  a  bluish-green 
tint — pretty  enough  in  one  of  Turner's  landscapes,  but  not  at  all 
becoming  when  applied  to  the  "  human  face  divine."  Let  no  late 
arrival  from  the  Continent  contradict  me  here  by  his  late  experi- 
ences, which  a  stray  twenty  pounds  and  the  railroads — (confound 
them  for  the  same) — have  enabled  him  to  acquire.  I  speak  of 
matters  before  it  occurred  to  all  Charing  Cross  and  Cheapside  to 
"take  the  water"  between  Dover  and  Calais,  and  inundate  the 
world  with  the  wit  of  the  Cider  Cellars  and  the  Hole  in  the  Wall. 
No  I  In  the  days  I  write  of,  the  travelled  were  of  another  genus, 
and  you  might  dine  at  Vary's,  or  have  your  box  at  Les  lialiens, 
without  being  dunned  by  your  tailor  at  the  one  or  confronted  with 
your  washerwoman  at  the  other.  Perhaps  I  have  written  all  this  in 
the  spite  and  malice  of  a  man  who  feels  that  his  sovereign  only  goes 
half  as  far  now  as  heretofore,  and  attributes  all  his  diminished  en- 
joyments and  restricted  luxuries  to  the  unceasing  current  of  his 
countrymen,  whom   fate  and  the  law   of  imprisonment  for  debt 


THE  INN  AT  CHANTRAINE.  225 

impel  hither.  Whether  I  am  so  far  guilty  or  not,  is  not  now  the 
question;  suffice  it  to  say  that  Harry  Lorrequer,  for  reasons  best 
known  to  himself,  lives  abroad,  where  he  will  be  most  happy  to  see 
any  of  his  old  and  former  friends  who  take  his  quarters  en  route;  and 
in  the  words  of  a  bellicose  brother  of  the  pen,  but  in  a  far  dilTerent 
spirit,  he  would  add,  "  that  any  person  who  feels  himself  here  allu- 
ded to  may  learn  the  author's  address  at  his  publisher's."  "  Now 
let  us  go  back  to  our  muttons,"  as  Barney  Coyle  used  to  say  in  the 
Dublin  Library  formerly — for  Barney  was  fond  of  French  allusions, 
which,  occasionally,  too,  he  gave  in  their  own  tongue,  as  once  de- 
scribing an  interview  with  Lord  Cloncurry,  in  which  he  broke  off 
suddenly  the  conference,  adding,  "  I  told  hira  I  never  could  consent 
to  such  a  proposition,  and  putting  my  chateau  {chapeau)  on  my  head, 
I  left  the  house  at  once." 

It  was  nearly  three  o'clock  in  the  morning,  as  accompanied  by  the 
waiter,  who,  like  others  of  his  tribe,  had  become  a  kind  of  somnam- 
bulist, ex-officio,  I  wended  my  way  up  one  flight  of  stairs,  and  down 
another,  along  a  narrow  corridor,  down  two  steps,  througii  an  ante- 
chamber, and  into  another  corridor,  to  No,  82,  my  habitation  for 
the  night.  Why  I  should  have  been  so  far  conducted  from  the 
habitable  portion  of  the  house  I  had  spent  my  evening  in,  I  leave 
the  learned  in  such  matters  to  explain  ;  as  for  me,  I  have  ever  re- 
marked, while  asking  for  a  chamber  in  a  large,  roomy  hotel,  the 
singular  pride  with  which  you  are  ushered  up  grand  staircases,  down 
passages,  through  corridors,  and  up  narrow  back  flights,  till  the 
blue  sky  is  seen  through  the  skylight,  to  199,  "  the  only  spare  bed- 
room in  the  house,"  while  the  silence  and  desolation  of  the  whole 
establishment  would  seem  to  imply  far  otherwise — the  only  evidence 
of  occupation  being  a  pair  of  dirty  Wellingtons  at  the  door  of  No.  7. 

"  Well,  we  have  arrived  at  last,"  said  I,  drawing  a  deep  sigh,  as  I 
threw  myself  upon  a  ricketty  chair,  and  surveyed  rapidly  my 
meagre-looking  apartment. 

"Yes,  this  is  Monsieur's  chamber,"  said  the  waiter,  with  a  very 
peculiar  look,  half  servile,  half  droll.     "  Madame  couche  No.  28." 

"  Very  well,  good-night,"  said  I,  closing  the  door  hastily,  and  not 
liking  the  further  scrutiny  of  the  fellow's  eye  as  he  fastened  it  ou 
me,  as  if  to  search  what  precise  degree  of  relationship  existed  be- 
tween myself  and  my  fair  friend,  whom  he  had  called  "  Madame" 
purposely,  to  elicit  an  observation  from  me.  "  Ten  to  one,  though," 
said  I,  as  I  undressed  myself,  "  but  they  think  she  is  my  wife — how 
good — but  again — ay,  it  is  very  possible  considering  we  are  in 
France.  Num6ro  vingt-huit,  quite  far  enough  from  this  part  of  the 
house,  I  should  suppose,  from  my  number.  That  old  gendarme  was 
a  fine  fellow — what  strong  attachment  to  Napoleon  ;  and  the  story 
15 


226  HARRY  L  ORREQ  UER. 

of  the  Pope :  I  hope  I  may  remember  that.  Isabella,  poor  girl — 
this  adventure  must  really  distress  her — hope  she  is  not  crying  over 
it — what  a  devil  of  a  hard  bed — and  it  is  not  five  feet  long,  too — 
and,  bless  my  soul,  is  this  all  by  way  of  covering  ?  Why,  I  shall  be 
perished  here.  Oh  I  I  must  certainly  put  all  my  clothes  over  me  in 
addition  ;  unfortunately  there  is  no  hearth-rug.  Well,  there  is  no 
help  for  it  now,  so  let  me  try  to  sleep — num6ro  vingt-huit." 

How  long  I  remained  in  a  kind  of  uneasy,  fitful  slumber,  I  cannot 
tell,  but  I  awoke  shivering  with  cold,  puzzled  to  tell  where  I  was, 
and  my  brain  addled  with  the  broken  fragments  of  half-a-dozen 
dreams,  all  mingling  and  mixing  themselves  with  the  unpleasant 
realities  of  my  situation.  "  What  an  infernal  contrivance  for  a 
bed,"  thought  I,  as  my  head  came  thump  against  the  top,  while  my 
legs  projected  far  beyond  the  foot-rail,  the  miserable  portion  of 
clothing  over  me  at  the  same  time  being  only  sufiicient  to  temper 
the  night  air,  which  in  autumn  is  occasionally  severe  and  cutting. 
"  This  will  never  do.  I  must  ring  the  bell  and  rouse  the  house,  if 
only  to  get  a  fire,  if  they  don't  possess  such  a  thing  as  blankets." 
I  immediately  rose,  and,  groping  my  way  along  the  wall,  endea- 
vored to  discover  the  bell,  but  in  vain,  and  for  the  same  satisfactory 
reason  that  Von  Troil  did  not  devote  one  chajiter  of  his  work  on 
Iceland  to  "  snakes,"  because  there  were  none  such  there.  What 
was  now  to  be  done  ?  About  the  geography  of  my  present  abode,  I 
knew  perhaps  as  much  as  the  public  at  large  know  about  the  Cop- 
permine Eiver  and  Behring's  Straits.  The  world,  it  was  true,  was 
before  me,  "where  to  choose"  admirable  things  for  an  epic,  but 
decidedly  an  unfortunate  circumstance  for  a  very  cold  gentleman 
in  search  of  a  blanket.  Thus  thinking,  I  opened  the  door  of  my 
chamber,  and  not  in  any  way  resolved  how  I  should  proceed,  I 
stepped  forth  into  the  long  corridor,  which  was  dark  as  midnight 
itself. 

Tracing  my  path  along  the  wall,  I  soon  reached  a  door,  which  I 
in  vain  attempted  to  open  ;  in  another  moment  I  found  another  and 
another,  each  of  which  was  locked.  Thus  along  the  entire  corridor 
I  felt  my  way,  making  every  effort  to  discover  where  any  of  the 
people  of  the  house  might  have  concealed  themselves,  but  without 
success.  What  was  to  be  done  now  ?  It  was  of  no  use  to  go  back 
to  my  late  abode,  and  find  it  comfortless  as  I  left  it ;  so  I  resolved 
to  proceed  in  my  search.  By  this  time  I  had  arrived  at  the  top  of  a 
small  flight  of  stairs,  which  I  remembered  having  come  uj),  and 
which  led  to  another  long  passage,  similar  to  the  one  I  had  explored, 
but  running  in  a  transverse  direction  ;  down  this  I  now  crept,  and 
reached  the  landing,  along  the  wall  of  which  I  was  guided  by  my 
liand,  as  well  for   safety  as   to  discover  the  architrave  of   some 


THE  INN  AT  GUANTRAINE.  227 

friendly  door,  where  the  inhabitant  might  be  sufliciently  Samaritan 
to  lend  some  portion  of  his  bedclothes.  Door  after  door  followed 
in  succession  along  this  conlbunded  passage,  which  I  began  to  think 
as  long  as  the  gallery  of  the  lower  one;  at  hist,  however,  just  as  my 
heart  was  sinking  within  me  from  disappointment,  the  handle  of  a 
lock  turned,  and  I  found  myself  inside  a  chamber.  How  was  I  now 
to  proceed  ;  for  if  this  apartment  did  not  contain  any  of  the  people 
of  the  hotel,  I  had  but  a  sorry  excuse  for  disturbing  the  repose  of 
any  traveller  who  might  have  been  more  fortunate  than  myself  in 
the  article  of  blankets.  To  go  back,  however,  would  be  absurd, 
having  already  taken  so  much  trouble  to  find  out  a  room  that  was 
inhabited — for  that  such  was  the  case,  a  short,  thick  snore  assured 
me — so  that  my  resolve  was  at  once  made,  to  waken  the  sleeper, 
and  endeavor  to  interest  him  in  my  destitute  situation.  I  accord- 
ingly approached  the  place  whence  the  nasal  sounds  seemed  to  issue, 
and  soon  reached  the  post  of  a  bed.  I  waited  for  an  instant,  and 
then  began : — 

"  Monsieur,  voulez-vous  bien  me  permettre " 

"As  to  short  whist,  I  never  could  make  it  out,  so  there  is  an  end 
of  it,"  said  my  unknown  friend,  in  a  low,  husky  voice,  which, 
strangely  enough,  was  not  totally  unfamiliar  to  me;  but  when  or 
how  I  had  heard  it  before,  I  could  not  then  think. 

"  Well,"  thought  I,  "  he  is  an  Englishman,  at  all  events,  so  I  hope 
his  patriotism  may  forgive  my  intrusion ;  so  here  goes  once  more  to 
rouse  him,  though  he  seems  a  confoundedly  heavy  sleeper.  I  beg 
your  pardon,  sir,  but  unfortunately,  in  a  point  like  the  present,  per- 
haps  " 

"  Well,  do  you  mark  the  points,  and  I'll  score  the  rubber,"  said 
he. 

"The  devil  take  the  gambling  fellow's  dreaming,"  thought  I, 
raising  my  voice  at  the  same  time. 

"  Perhaps  a  cold  night,  sir,  may  suffice  as  my  apology." 

"  Cold,  oh,  ay  I  put  a  hot  poker  in  it,"  muttered  he  ;  "  a  hot  poker, 
a  little  sugar,  and  a  spice  of  nutmeg — nothing  else — then  it's  deli- 
cious." 

"  Upon  my  soul,  this  is  too  bad,"  said  I  to  myself.  "  Let  us  see 
what  shaking  will  do.     Sir,  sir,  I  shall  feel  obliged  by " 

"  Well,  then,  don't  shake  me,  and  I'll  tell  you  where  I  hid  the 
cigars — they  are  under  my  straw  hat  in  the  window." 

"  Well,  really,"  thought  I,  "  if  this  gentleman's  confessions  were 
of  an  interesting  nature,  this  might  be  good  fun  ;  but  as  the  night  is 
cold,  I  must  shorten  the  stance,  so  here  goes  for  one  etibrt  more." 

"  If,  sir,  you  could  kindly  spare  me  even  a  small  portion  of  your 
bed-clothes " 


228  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

''  No,  thank  you,  no  more  wine ;  but  I'll  sing  witli  pleasure ;"  and 
here  the  wretch,  in  something  like  the  voice  of  a  frog  with  the 
quinsy,  began,  " '  I'd  mourn  the  hopes  that  leave  me.' "  "  You 
shall  mourn  something  else  for  the  same  reason,"  said  I,  as,  losing 
all  patience,  I  seized  quilt  and  blankets  by  the  corner,  and  with  one 
vigorous  pull  wrenched  them  from  the  bed,  and  darted  from  the 
room ;  in  a  second  I  was  in  the  corridor,  trailing  my  spoil  behind, 
which  in  my  haste  I  had  not  time  to  collect  in  a  bundle.  I  flew 
rather  than  ran  along  the  passage,  reached  the  stairs,  and  in  another 
minute  had  gained  the  second  gallery,  but  not  before  I  had  heard 
the  slam  of  a  door  behind  me,  and  the  same  instant  the  footsteps  of 
a  person  running  along  the  corridor,  who  could  be  no  other  than 
my  pursuer,  effectually  aroused  by  my  last  appeal  to  his  charity.  I 
darted  along  the  dark  and  narrow  passage,  but  soon  to  my  horror 
discovered  that  I  must  have  passed  the  door  of  my  chamber,  for  I 
had  reached  the  foot  of  a  narrow  back  stair,  which  led  to  the  grenier 
and  the  servants'  rooms,  beneath  the  roof.  To  turn  now  would  only 
have  led  me  plump  in  the  face  of  my  injured  countryman,  of  whose 
thew  and  sinew  I  was  perfectly  ignorant,  and  did  not  much  like  to 
venture  upon.  There  was  little  time  for  reflection,  for  he  had  just 
reached  the  top  of  the  stair,  and  was  evidently  listening  for  some 
clue  to  guide  him  on.  Stealthily  and  silently,  and  scarcely  drawing 
breath,  I  mounted  the  narrow  stairs,  step  by  step,  but  before  I  had 
arrived  at  the  landing,  he  heard  the  rustle  of  the  bedclothes,  and 
again  gave  chase.  There  was  something  in  the  unrelenting  ardor 
of  his  pursuit  which  suggested  to  my  mind  the  idea  of  a  most  un- 
compromising foe ;  and  as  fear  added  speed  to  my  steps,  I  dashed 
along  beneath  the  low-roofed  passage,  wondering  what  chance  of 
escape  might  yet  present  itself.  Just  at  this  instant,  the  hand  by 
which  I  had  guided  myself  along  the  wall  touched  the  handle  of  a 
door — I  turned  it — it  opened — I  drew  in  my  precious  bundle,  and 
closing  the  door  noiselessly,  sat  down,  breathless  and  still,  upon  the 
floor. 

Scarcely  was  this,  the  work  of  a  second,  accomplished,  when  the 
heavy  tread  of  my  pursuer  resounded  on  the  floor. 

"  Upon  my  conscience,  it's  strange  if  I  haven't  you  now,  my 
friend,"  said  he ;  "  you're  in  a  cul  de  sac  here,  as  they  say,  if  I  know 
anything  of  the  house ;  and  faith  I'll  make  a  salad  of  you,  when  I 
get  you,  that's  all.     Devil  a  dirtier  trick  ever  I  heard  tell  of." 

Need  I  say  these  words  had  the  true  smack  of  an  Irish  accent, 
which  circumstance,  from  whatever  cause,  did  not  by  any  means 
tend  to  assuage  my  fears  in  the  event  of  discovery. 

However,  from  such  a  misfortune  my  good  genius  now  delivered 
me ;  for  after  traversing  the  passage  to  the  end,  he  at  last  discovered 


THE  IX N  AT  CIIANTRAINE.  229 

another,  wliich  led  by  a  long  flight  to  the  second  story,  down  which 
he  proceeded,  venting  at  every  step  his  deterniination  i'or  vengeance, 
and  his  resolution  not  to  desist  from  the  pursuit,  if  it  took  the 
entire  night  for  it. 

"Well,  now,"  thought  I,  "as  he  will  scarcely  venture  up  here 
again,  and  as  I  may  by  leaving  this  be  only  incurring  the  risk  of 
encountering  him,  my  best  i)lan  is  to  stay  where  I  am,  if  it  be  pos- 
sible." With  this  intent,  I  proceeded  to  explore  the  apartment, 
which,  from  its  perfect  stillness,  I  concluded  to  be  unoccupied. 
After  some  few  minutes'  groping,  I  reached  a  low  bed,  fortunately 
empty,  and  although  the  touch  of  the  bedclothes  led  to  no  very 
favorable  augury  of  its  neatness  or  elegance,  there  was  little  choice 
at  this  moment,  so  I  rolled  myself  up  in  my  recent  booty,  and 
resolved  to  wait  patiently  for  daybreak  to  regain  my  apartment. 

As  always  hajipens  in  such  circumstances,  sleep  came  on  una- 
wares;  so  at  least  everyone's  experience,  I  am  sure,  can  testify, 
that  if  you  are  forced  to  awake  early  to  start  by  some  morning 
coach,  and  that  unfortunately  you  have  not  got  to  bed  till  late  at 
night,  the  chances  are  ten  to  one  that  you  get  no  sleep  whatever, 
simply  because  you  are  desirous  of  it;  but  make  up  your  mind  ever 
so  resolutely  that  you'll  not  slumber,  and  whether  your  determina- 
tion be  built  on  motives  of  propriety,  duty,  convenience,  or  health, 
the  chances  are  just  as  strong  that  you  are  sound  and  snoring  before 
ten  minutes. 

How  many  a  man  has  found  it  impossible,  with  every  effort  of  his 
heart  and  brain  aiding  his  good  wishes,  to  sit  with  unclosed  eyes  and 
ears  through  a  dull  sermon  in  the  dog-days  ;  how  many  an  expect- 
ant, longing  heir  has  yielded  to  the  drowsy  influence  when  endeav- 
oring to  look  contrite  under  the  severe  correction  of  a  lecture  on 
extravagance  from  his  uncle.  Who  has  not  felt  the  irresistible 
tendency  to  "drop  ofl""  in  the  half  hour  before  dinner  at  a  stupid 
country-house?  I  need  not  catalogue  the  thousand  other  situations 
in  life  infinitely  more  "sleep-compelling"  than  morphine;  for 
myself,  my  pleasantest  and  soundest  moments  of  perfect  forgetful- 
ness  of  this  dreary  world  and  all  its  cares  have  been  taken  on  an 
oaken  bench,  seated  bolt  upright,  vis-d-vis  with  a  lecturer  on  botany, 
whose  calming  accents,  united  with  the  softened  light  of  an  autumnal 
day,  piercing  its  diflacult  rays  through  the  narrow  and  cobwebbed 
windows,  the  odor  of  the  recent  plants  and  flowers  aiding  and  abet- 
ting, all  combined  to  steep  the  soul  in  sleep,  and  you  sank  by  imper- 
ceptible and  gradual  steps  into  that  state  of  easy  slumber  in  which 
"  come  no  dreams,"  and  the  last  sounds  of  the  lecturer's  "  hypogen- 
0U9  and  perigenous"  died  away,  becoming  beautifully  less,  till  your 
senses  sank  into  rest,  the  syllable  "  rigging  us — rigging  us,"  seeming 


230  HARRY  LORREQVER. 

to  melt  away  in  the  distance,  and  fade  from  your  memory Peace 

be  with  you,  Dr.  A.  I  If  I  owe  gratitude  anywhere,  I  have  my  debt 
with  you.  The  very  memory  I  bear  of  you  has  saved  me  no  incon- 
siderable sum  in  hop  and  henbane.  Without  any  assistance  from 
the  sciences  on  the  present  occasion,  I  was  soon  asleep,  and  woke 
not  till  the  cracking  of  whips,  and  trampling  of  horses'  feet  on  the 
pavement  of  the  coach-yard,  apprised  me  that  the  world  had  risen 
to  its  daily  labor,  and  that  so  ought  I.  From  the  short  survey  of 
my  present  chamber  which  I  took  on  waking,  I  conjectured  it  must 
have  been  the  den  of  some  of  the  servants  of  the  house  upon  occa- 
sion ;  two  low  truckle-beds  of  the  meanest  description  lay  along  the 
wall  opposite  to  mine ;  one  of  them  appeared  to  have  been  slept  in 
during  the  past  night,  but  by  what  species  of  animal  the  Fates  alone 
can  tell.  An  old  demi-peak  saddle,  capped  and  tipped  with  brass, 
some  rusty  bits,  and  stray  stirrup-irons,  lay  here  and  there  upon  the 
floor;  while  upon  a  species  of  clothes-rack,  attached  to  a  rafter, 
hung  a  tarnished  suit  of  postilion's  livery,  cap,  jacket,  leathers, 
and  jack -boots,  all  ready  for  use ;  and  evidently,  from  their  arrange- 
ment, supposed  by  their  owner  to  be  a  rather  creditable  "turn- 
cut." 

I  turned  over  these  singular  habiliments  with  much  of  the  curi- 
osity with  which  an  antiquary  would  survey  a  suit  of  chain-armor ; 
the  long  epaulets  of  yellow  cotton  cord,  the  heavy  belt  with  its  brass 
buckle,  the  cumbrous  boots,  plaited  and  bound  with  iron-like  churns, 
were  in  rather  a  ludicrous  contrast  to  the  equipment  of  our  light 
and  jockey-like  boys  in  nankeen  jackets  and  neat  tops,  that  spin 
along  over  our  level  "Macadam." 

"  But,"  thought  I,  "  it  is  full  time  I  should  get  back  to  No.  82,  and 
make  my  appearance  below  stairs ;"  though  in  what  part  of  the 
building  my  room  lay,  and  how  I  was  to  reach  it  without  my  clothes, 
I  had  not  the  slightest  idea.  A  blanket  is  an  excessively  comforta- 
ble article  of  wearing  apparel  when  in  bed,  but  as  a  walking  cos- 
tume is  by  no  means  convenient  or  appropriate ;  Avhile,  as  to  making 
a  sortie  en  savvage,  however  appropriate,  during  the  night,  there  were 
many  serious  objections  if  done  in  broad  day,  and  with  the  whole 
establishment  awake  and  active;  the  noise  of  mopping,  scrubbing, 
and  polishing,  which  is  eternally  going  forward  in  a  foreign  inn, 
amply  testified  there  was  nothing  which  I  could  adopt  in  my  present 
naked  and  forlorn  condition  save  the  uncouth  and  ridiculous  dn^ss 
of  the  postilion,  and  I  need  not  say  the  thought  of  so  doing  pre- 
sented nothing  agreeable.  I  looked  from  the  narrow  window  out 
upon  the  tiled  roof,  but  without  any  prospect  of  being  heard  if  I 
called  ever  so  loudly. 

The  infernal  noise  of  floor-cleansing,  assisted  by  a  Norman  peas- 


THE  INN  AT  CHANTRAINE.  231 

ant's  chanson  du  pays,  the  "  time"  being  well  marked  by  her  heavy- 
sabots,  gave  even  less  cliance  to  me  within;  so  tliat  after  more  than 
half  an  liour  passed  in  weighing  difficulties  and  canvassing  plans,  I 
determined  upon  donning  "  the  blue  and  yellow,"  and  setting  out 
for  my  own  room  without  delay,  hoping  sincerely  that,  with  proper 
precaution,  I  should  be  able  to  reach  it  unseen  and  unobserved. 

As  I  laid  but  little  stress  upon  the  figure  I  should  make  in  my 
new  habiliments,  it  did  not  cause  me  much  mortification  to  find  that 
the  clothes  were  considerably  too  small,  the  jacket  scarcely  coming 
beneath  my  arms,  and  the  sleeves  being  so  short  that  my  hands 
and  wrists  projected  beyond  the  cuffs  like  two  enormous  claws; 
the  leathers  were  also  limited  in  their  length,  and  when  drawn  up 
to  a  proper  height,  permitted  my  knees  to  be  seen  beneath  like 
the  short  costume  of  a  Spanish  torreador,  but  scarcely  as  graceful. 
Not  wishing  to  encumber  myself  in  the  heavy  and  noisy  masses  of 
wood,  iron,  and  leather  they  call  "  les  bottcs  fortes"  I  slipped  my 
feet  into  my  slippers,  and  stole  gently  from  the  room.  How  I  must 
have  looked  at  the  moment,  I  leave  my  reader  to  guess,  as  with 
anxious  and  stealthy  pace  I  crept  along  the  low  gallery  that  led 
to  the  narrow  staircase,  down  which  I  proceeded,  step  by  step ;  but 
just  as  I  reached  the  bottom,  perceived,  a  little  distance  from  me, 
with  her  back  turned  towards  me,  a  short,  squat  peasant  on  her 
knees,  belaboring  with  a  brush  the  well  waxed  floor ;  to  pass,  there- 
fore, unobserved  was  impossible,  so  that  I  did  not  hesitate  to 
address  her,  and  endeavor  to  interest  her  in  my  behalf,  and  enlist 
her  as  my  guide. 

"  Bon  jour,  ma  chere,"  said  I,  in  a  soft,  insinuating  tone.  She 
did  not  hear  me,  so  I  repeated,  "  Bon  jour,  ma  chere,  bon  jour." 

Upon  this  she  turned  round,  and  looking  fixedly  at  me  for  a 
second,  called  out  in  a  thick  patois,  "  Ah,  bon  Dieu,  qu'il  est  drole 
comme  qa,  Francois  I  Mais  co  n'est  pas  Francois !"  Saying  which, 
she  sprang  from  her  kneeling  position  to  her  feet,  and  with  a  speed 
that  her  shape  and  sabots  seemed  little  to  promise,  rushed  down 
stairs  as  if  she  had  seen  the  devil  himself 

"  Why,  what  is  the  matter  with  the  woman?"  said  I;  "surely,  if 
I  am  not  Francois — which,  God  be  thanked,  is  true — yet  I  cannot 
look  so  frightful  as  all  this  would  imply."  I  had  not  much  time 
given  me  for  consideration  now,  for  before  I  had  well  deciphered 
the  number  over  a  door  before  me,  the  loud  noise  of  several  voices 
on  the  floor  beneath  attracted  my  attention,  and  the  moment  after 
the  heavy  tramp  of  feet  followed,  and  in  an  instant  the  gallery  w:is 
thronged  by  the  men  and  women  of  the  house — waiters,  hostlers, 
cooks,  scullions,  fillcs  de  chambre,  mingled  with  gendarmes,  peasants, 
and  townspeople — all  eagerly  forcing  their  way  up  stairs  j  yet  all, 


232  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

on  arriving  at  the  landing-place,  seemed  disposed  to  keep  at  a 
respectful  distance,  and  bundled  themselves  at  one  end  of  the  cor- 
ridor, while  I,  feelingly  alive  to  the  ridiculous  appearance  I  made, 
occupied  the  other.  The  gravity  with  which  they  seemed  at  first 
disposed  to  regard  me  soon  gave  way,  and  peal  after  peal  of  laughter 
broke  out,  and  young  and  old,  men  and  women,  even  to  the  most 
severe  gendarmes,  all  appeared  incapable  of  controlling  the  desire 
for  merriment  my  most  singular  figure  inspired;  and  unfortunately 
this  emotion  seemed  to  promise  no  very  speedy  conclusion ;  for  the 
jokes  and  witticisms  made  upon  my  appearance  threatened  to  renew 
the  festivities,  ad  libitum. 

"  Regardez  done  ses  ^paules,"  said  one. 

"  Ah,  mon  Dieu  I  II  me  fait  I'idee  d'une  grenouille  avec  ses 
jambes  jaunes,"  cried  another. 

"  II  vaut  son  pesant  de  fromage  pour  un  vaudeville,"  said  the 
director  of  the  strolling  theatre  of  the  place.  "I'll  give  seventy 
francs  a  week  '  d'appointements,'  and  Scribe  shall  write  a  piece 
expressly  for  himself,  if  he'll  take  it." 

"  May  the  devil  fly  away  with  your  grinning  baboon  faces,"  said 
I,  as  I  rushed  up  the  stairs  again,  pursued  by  the  mob  at  full  cry. 
Scarcely,  however,  had  I  reached  the  top  step,  when  the  rough  hand 
of  the  gendarme  seized  me  by  the  shoulder,  while  he  said  in  a 
low,  husky  voice,  "  C'est  inutile,  monsieur,  you  cannot  escape — the 
thing  was  well  contrived,  it  is  true ;  but  the  gendarmes  of  France 
are  not  easily  outwitted,  and  you  could  not  have  long  avoided  detec- 
tion, even  in  that  dress."  It  was  my  turn  to  laugh  now  ;  which,  to 
their  very  great  amazement,  I  did,  loud  and  long ;  that  I  should 
have  thought  my  present  costume  could  ever  have  been  the  means 
of  screening  me  from  observation,  however  it  might  have  been 
calculated  to  attract  it,  was  rather  too  absurd  a  supposition  even  for 
the  mayor  of  a  village  to  entertain;  besides,  it  only  now  occurred 
to  me  that  I  was  figuring  in  the  character  of  a  prisoner.  Tlae  con- 
tinued peals  of  laughter  which  this  mistake  on  their  part  elicited 
from  me  seemed  to  aflford  but  slight  pleasure  to  my  captor,  who 
gruffly  said : — 

"  When  you  have  done  amusing  yourself,  mon  ami,  perhaps  you 
will  do  us  the  favor  to  come  before  the  mayor." 

"  Certainly,"  I  replied ;  "  but  you  will  first  permit  me  to  resume 
my  own  clothes ;  I  am  quite  sick  of  masquerading  '  en  postilion.'' " 

"  Not  so  fast,  my  friend,"  said  the  suspicious  old  follower  of 
Fouch6 — "  not  so  fast ;  it  is  but  right  the  maire  should  see  you  in 
the  disguise  you  attempted  your  escape  in.  It  must  be  especially 
mentioned  in  iha  proems  verbal." 

"  Well,  this  is  becoming  too  ludicrous,"  said  I.    "  It  need  not 


THE  INN  AT  CHANTRAINE.  233 

take  five  minutes  to  satisfy  you  why,  how,  and   where  I  put  on 
these  confounded  rags " 

"  Then  tell  it  to  the  maire,  at  the  bureau." 

"  But  for  that  purpose  it  is  not  necessary  I  should  be  conducted 
through  the  streets  in  broad  day,  to  be  laughed  at.  No,  positively, 
I'll  not  go.     In  my  own  dress  I'll  accompany  you  with  pleasure." 

"  Victor,  Henri,  Guillaume,"  said  the  gendarme,  addressing  his 
companions,  who  immediately  closed  round  me.  "  You  see,"  added 
he,  "  there  is  no  use  in  resisting." 

Need  I  recount  my  own  shame  and  ineffable  disgrace?  Alas  I  it 
is  too,  too  true.  Harry  Lorrequer — whom  Stultz  entreated  to  wear 
Ms  coats,  the  ornament  of  Hyde  Park,  the  last  appeal  in  dress, 
fashion  and  equipage — was  obliged  to  parade  through  the  mob  of 
a  market-town  in  France,  with  four  gendarmes  for  his  companions, 
and  he  himself  habited  in  a  mongrel  character — half  postilion,  half 
Delaware  Indian.  The  incessant  yells  of  laughter — the  screams  of 
the  children,  and  the  outpouring  of  every  species  of  sarcasm  and 
ridicule,  at  my  expense,  were  not  all — for,  as  I  emerged  from  the 
inn  door,  I  saw  Isabella  in  the  window:  her  eyes  were  red  with 
weeping  ;  but  no  sooner  had  she  beheld  me,  than  she  broke  out  into 
a  fit  of  laughter  that  was  audible  even  in  the  street. 

Rage  had  now  taken  such  a  hold  upon  me,  that  I  forgot  my 
ridiculous  appearance  in  my  thirst  for  vengeance.  I  marched  on 
through  the  grinning  crowd  with  the  step  of  a  martyr.  I  suppose 
my  heroic  bearing  and  warlike  deportment  must  have  heightened 
the  drollery  of  the  scene ;  for  the  devils  only  laughed  the  more. 
The  bureau  of  the  maire  could  not  contain  one-tenth  of  the  anxious 
and  curious  individuals  who  thronged  the  entrance,  and  for  about 
twenty  minutes  the  whole  efforts  of  the  gendarmes  were  little  enough 
to  keep  order  and  maintain  silence.  At  length  the  maire.  made  his 
appearance,  and  accustomed  as  he  had  been  for  a  long  life  to  scenes 
of  an  absurd  and  extraordinary  nature,  yet  the  ridicule  of  my  look 
and  costume  was  too  much,  and  he  laughed  outright.  This  was  of 
course  the  signal  for  renewed  mirth  from  the  crowd,  while  those 
without  doors,  infected  by  the  example,  took  up  the  jest,  and  I  had 
the  pleasure  of  a  short  calculation,  d  la  Babbage,  of  how  many 
maxillary  jaws  were  at  that  same  moment  wagging  at  my  expense. 

However,  the  examination  commenced;  and  I  at  length  obtained 
an  opportunity  of  explaining  under  what  circumstances  I  had  left 
my  room,  and  how  and  why  I  had  been  induced  to  don  this  con- 
founded cause  of  all  my  misery. 

"  This  may  be  very  true,"  said  the  mayor,  "  as  it  is  very  plausible, 

if  you  have  evidence  to  prove  what  you  have  stated " 

"  If  it's  evidence  only  is  wanting,  Mr.  Maire,  I'll  confirm  one  part 


234  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

of  the  story,"  said  a  voice  in  the  crowd,  in  an  accent  and  tone  that 
assured  me  the  speaker  was  the  injured  proprietor  of  the  stolen 
blankets.  I  turned  round  hastily  to  look  at  my  victim,  and  what 
was  my  surprise  to  recognize  a  very  old  Dublin  acquaintance,  Mr. 
Arthur  O'Leary. 

"  Good-morning,  Mr.  Lorrequer,"  said  he ;  "  this  is  mighty  like 
our  old  practices  in  College  Green ;  but  upon  my  conscience  the 
maire  has  the  advantage  of  Gabbet.  It's  lucky  for  you  I  know  his 
worship,  as  we'd  call  him  at  home,  or  this  might  be  a  serious  busi- 
ness. Nothing  would  persuade  them  that  you  were  not  Lucien 
Bonaparte,  or  the  Iron  Mask,  or  something  of  that  sort,  if  they  took 
it  into  their  heads." 

Mr.  O'Leary  was  as  good  as  his  word.  In  a  species  of  French, 
that  I'd  venture  to  say  would  be  perfectly  intelligible  in  Mullingar, 
he  contrived  to  explain  to  the  maire  that  I  was  neither  a  runaway 
nor  a  swindler,  but  a  very  old  friend  of  his,  and  consequently  most 
respectable.  The  official  was  now  as  profuse  of  his  civilities  as  he 
had  before  been  of  his  suspicions,  and  most  hospitably  pressed  us  to 
stay  for  breakfast.  This,  for  many  reasons,  I  was  obliged  to  decline 
— not  the  least  of  which  was,  my  impatience  to  get  out  of  my 
costume.  We  accordingly  procured  a  carriage,  and  I  returned  to 
the  hotel,  screened  from  the  gaze  but  still  accompanied  by  the 
shouts  of  the  mob,  who  evidently  took  a  most  lively  interest  in  the 
entire  proceeding. 

I  lost  no  time  in  changing  my  costume,  and  was  about  to  descend 
to  the  saloon,  when  the  master  of  the  house  came  to  inform  me  that 
Mrs.  Bingham's  courier  had  arrived  with  the  carriage,  and  that  she 
expected  us  at  Amiens  as  soon  as  possible. 

"  That  is  all  right.  Now,  Mr.  O'Leary,  I  must  pray  you  to  for- 
give the  liberty  I  have  taken  with  you,  and  also  permit  me  to  defer 
the  explanation  of  many  circumstances  which  seem  at  present 
strange,  till " 

"  Till  sine  die,  if  the  story  be  a  long  one,  my  dear  sir.  There's 
nothing  I  hate  so  much,  except  cold  punch." 

"  You  are  going  to  Paris,"  said  I ;  "  is  it  not  so  ?" 

"Yes,  I'm  thinking  of  it.  I  was  up  at  Trolhatten,  in  Norway, 
three  weeks  ago,  and  I  was  obliged  to  leave  it  hastily,  for  I've  an 
appointment  with  a  friend  in  Geneva." 

"  Then  how  do  you  travel  ?" 

"  On  foot,  just  as  you  see,  except  that  I  have  a  tobacco-bag  up 
stairs,  and  an  umbrella." 

"  Light  equipment,  certainly  ;  but  you  must  allow  me  to  give  you 
a  set  down  as  far  as  Amiens,  and  also  to  present  you  to  my  friends 
there." 


MR.  O'LEARY.  235 

To  this  Mr.  O'Loary  made  no  objection ;  and  as  Miss  Bingham 
could  not  bear  any  delay,  in  her  anxiety  to  join  her  mother,  we  set 
out  at  onee— the  only  thing  to  mar  my  lull  enjoyment  at  the 
moment  being  the  sight  of  the  identical  vestments  I  had  so  lately 
figured  in,  bobbing  up  and  down  before  my  eyes  for  the  whole 
length  of  the  stage,  and  leading  to  innumerable  mischievous  allu- 
sions from  my  friend  Mr.  O'Leary,  which  were  far  too  much  relished 
by  my  fair  companion. 

At  twelve  we  arrived  at  Amiens,  when  I  presented  my  friend  Mr. 
O'Leary  to  Mrs.  Bingham. 


CHAPTER  XXVII. 

MR.  O'LEARY. 

BEFORE  concluding  my  last  chapter,  I  was  about  to  introduce 
to  my  reader's  acquaintance  my  friend  Mr.  O'Leary ;  and,  as 
he  is  destined  to  occupy  some  place  in  the  history  of  these 
Confessions,  I  may  perhaps  be  permitted  to  do  so  at  more  length  than 
his  intrinsic  merit  at  first  sight  may  appear  to  warrant. 

Mr.  O'Leary  was,  and  I  am  induced  to  believe  is,  a  particularly 
short,  fat,  greasy-looking  gentleman,  with  a  head  as  free  from 
phrenological  development  as  a  billiard-ball,  and  a  countenance 
which,  in  feature  and  color,  nearly  resembled  the  face  of  a  cherub, 
carved  in  oak,  as  we  see  them  in  old  pulpits. 

Short  as  is  his  stature,  his  limbs  compose  the  least  part  of  it. 
His  hands  and  feet,  forming  some  compensation  by  their  ample 
proportions,  give  to  his  entire  air  and  ap[)earance  somewhat  the  look 
of  a  small  fish,  with  short,  thick  fins,  vulgarly  called  a  cobbler's 
thumb.  His  voice,  varying  in  cadence  from  a  deep  baritone  to  a 
high  falsetto,  maintains  throughout  the  distinctive  characteristic  of 
a  Dublin  accent  and  pronunciation,  and  he  talks  of  the  "  V6el  of 
Ovoca,  and  a  hcQi-steek,^^  with  some  pride  of  intonation.  What  part 
of  the  Island  he  originally  came  from,  or  what  may  be  his  age,  are 
questions  I  have  the  most  profound  ignorance  of;  I  have  heard 
many  anecdotes  which  would  imply  his  being  what  the  French  call 
"(Tun  age  mdr" — but  his  own  observations  are  generally  limited  to 
events  occurring  since  the  peace  of  "fifteen."  To  his  personal 
attractions,  such  as  they  are,  he  has  never  been  solicitous  of  contribut- 
ing by  the  meretricious  aids  of  dress.  His  coat,  calculating  from  its 
length  of  waist  and  ample  skirt,  would  fit  Bumbo  Green,  while  his 
trousers,  being  made  of  some  cheap  and  shrinking  material,  have 


236  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

gradually  contracted  their  limits,  and  look  now  exactly  like  knee- 
breeches,  without  the  usual  buttons  at  the  bottom. 

These,  with  the  addition  of  a  pair  of  green  spectacles,  the  glass  of 
one  being  absent,  and  permitting  the  look-out  of  a  sharp,  gray  eye, 
twinkling  with  drollery  and  good  humor,  form  the  most  palpable  of 
bis  externals.  In  point  of  character,  they  who  best  knew  him  rep- 
resented him  as  the  best-tempered,  best-hearted  fellow  breathing ; 
ever  ready  to  assist  a  friend,  and  always  postponing  his  own  plans 
and  his  own  views,  when  he  had  any,  to  the  wishes  and  intentions 
of  others.  Among  the  many  odd  things  about  him  was  a  constant 
preference  to  travelling  on  foot,  and  a  great  passion  for  living 
abroad,  both  of  which  tastes  he  gratified,  although  his  size  might 
seem  to  offer  obstacles  to  the  one,  and  his  total  ignorance  of  every 
continental  language  would  appear  to  preclude  the  other ;  with  a 
great  liking  for  tobacco,  which  he  smoked  all  day — a  fondness  for 
whist  and  malt  liquors — his  antipathies  were  few ;  so  that,  except 
when  called  upon  to  shave  more  than  once  in  the  week,  or  wash  his 
hands  twice  on  the  same  day,  it  was  difficult  to  disconcert  him. 
His  fortune  was  very  ample ;  but  although  his  mode  o^"  living  was 
neither  very  ostentatious  nor  costly,  he  contrived  always  to  spend 
his  income.  Such  was  the  gentleman  I  now  presented  to  my  friends, 
who,  I  must  confess,  appeared  strangely  puzzled  by  his  manner  and 
appearance.  This  feeling,  however,  soon  wore  off;  and  before  he  had 
spent  the  morning  in  their  company,  he  had  made  more  way  in 
their  good  graces,  and  gone  further  to  establish  intimacy,  than 
many  a  more  accomplished  person,  with  an  unexceptionable  coat 
and  accurate  whisker,  might  have  effected  in  a  fortnight.  What 
were  his  gifts  in  this  way,  I  am,  alas !  most  deplorably  ignorant  of; 
it  was  not.  Heaven  knows,  that  he  possessed  any  conversational 
talent — of  successful  flattery  he  knew  as  much  as  a  negro  does  of  the 
national  debt — and  yet  the  bonhomie  of  his  character  seemed  to  tell 
at  once,  and  I  never  knew  him  fail  in  any  one  instance  to  establish 
an  interest  for  himself  before  he  had  completed  the  ordinary  period 
of  a  visit. 

I  think  it  is  Washington  Irving  who  has  so  admirably  depicted  the 
mortification  of  a  dandy  angler,  who,  with  his  beaver  garnished 
with  brown  hackles,  his  well-poised  rod,  polished  gaff,  and  hand- 
some landing-net,  with  everything  befitting,  spends  his  long  summer 
day  whipping  a  trout  stream  without  a  rise  or  even  a  ripple  to  re- 
ward him,  while  a  ragged  urchin,  with  a  willow  wand  and  a  bent 
pin,  not  ten  yards  distant,  is  covering  the  green  sward  with  myriads 
of  speckled  and  scaly  backs,  from  one  pound  weight  to  four;  so  it  is 
in  everything— "  the  race  is  not  to  the  swift;"  the  elements  of  suc- 
cess in  life,  whatever  be  the  object  of  pursuit,  are  very  difiereut  from 


Mli.  O'LEARY.  237 

what  wc  til  ink  of  them  at  first  sight,  and  so  it  was  witli  IMr.  O'Lcary, 
and  I  have  more  tlian  once  witnessed  the  triumph  of  his  homely 
manner  and  blunt  humor  over  the  more  polished  and  well-bred 
taste  of  his  competitors  for  favor;  and  what  might  have  been  the  limit 
to  such  success,  Heaven  can  only  tell,  if  it  were  not  that  he  labored 
under  a  counterbalancing  infirmity  sufficient  to  have  swamped 
a  line-of-battle  ship  itself.  It  was  simply  this — a  most  unfortunate 
propensity  to  talk  of  the  wrong  place,  person  or  time,  in  any  society 
he  found  himself;  and  this  taste  for  the  mal  a  propos  extended  so  far 
that  no  one  ever  ventured  into  company  with  him  as  his  friend 
without  trembling  for  the  result ;  but  even  this,  I  believe  his  only 
fault,  resulted  from  the  natural  goodness  of  his  character  and  inten- 
tions ;  for,  believing,  as  he  did,  in  his  honest  simplicity,  that  the 
arbitrary  distinctions  of  class  and  rank  were  held  as  cheaply  by 
others  as  himself,  he  felt  small  scruple  at  recounting  to  a  duchess  a 
scene  in  a  cabaret,  and  with  as  little  hesitation  would  he,  if  asked, 
have  sung  the  "  Cruiskeen  Lawn"  or  the  "  Jug  of  Punch,"  after 
Lablache  had  finished  the  "  Al  Idea"  from  Figaro.  Mauvaise  honte, 
he  had  none ;  indeed,  I  am  not  sure  that  he  liad  any  kind  of  shame 
whatever,  except  possibly,  when  detected  with  a  coat  that  bore  any 
appearance  of  newness,  or  if  over-persuaded  to  wear  gloves,  which  he 
ever  considered  as  a  special  effeminacy. 

Such  was  he,  and  how  far  he  insinuated  himself  into  their  good 
graces,  let  the  fact  tell,  that  on  my  return  to  the  breakfast-room, 
after  about  an  hour's  absence,  I  heard  him  detailing  the  particulars 
of  a  route  they  were  to  take  by  his  advice,  and  also  learned  that  he 
had  been  offered,  and  had  accepted,  a  seat  in  their  carriage  to  Paris. 

"  Then  I'll  do  myself  the  pleasure  of  joining  your  party,  Mrs. 
Bingham,"  said  he.     "  Bingham,  I  think,  Madam,  is  your  name?" 

"  Yes,  sir." 

"  Any  relation,  may  I  ask,  of  a  most  dear  friend  of  mine,  of  the 
same  name,  from  Currynaslattery,  in  the  county  of  Wexford  ?" 

"I  am  really  not  aware,"  said  Mrs.  Bingham.  "My  husband's 
family  are,  I  believe,  many  of  them  from  that  county." 

"  Ah,  what  a  pleasant  fellow  was  Tom  I"  said  Mr.  O'Leary, 
musingly,  and  with  that  peculiar  tone  which  made  me  tremble, 
for  I  knew  well  that  a  reminiscence  was  coming.  "  A  pleasant 
fellow,  indeed." 

"  Is  he  alive,  sir,  now  ?" 

"  I  believe  so,  ma'am  ;  but  I  hear  the  climate  does  not  agree  with 
him." 

"  Ah,  then,  he's  abroad.     In  Italy,  probably  ?" 

"  No,  ma'am,  in  Botany  Bay.  His  brother,  they  say,  might  have< 
saved  him,  but  he  left  poor  Tom  to  his  fate ;  for  he  was  just  theu 


238  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

paying  his  court  to  a  Miss  Crow,  I  think,  with  a  large  fortune.  Oh, 
Lord !  what  have  I  said  ! — it's  always  the  luck  of  me !"  The  latter 
exclamation  was  the  result  of  a  heavy  plump  upon  the  floor,  Mrs. 
Bingham  having  fallen  in  a  faint — she  being  tlie  identical  lady 
alluded  to,  and  her  husband  the  brother  of  pleasant  Tom  Bingham. 

To  hurl  Mr.  O'Leary  out  of  the  room  by  one  hand,  and  ring  the 
bell  with  the  other,  was  the  work  of  a  moment ;  and,  with  proper 
care,  and  in  due  time,  Mrs.  Bingham  was  brought  to  herself,  when, 
most  fortunately,  she  entirely  forgot  the  cause  of  her  sudden  indis- 
position, and,  of  course,  neither  her  daughter  nor  myself  suffered 
any  clue  to  escape  us  which  might  lead  to  its  discovery. 

When  we  were  once  more  upon  the  road,  to  efface,  if  it  might  be 
necessary,  any  unpleasant  recurrence  to  the  late  scene,  I  proceeded 
to  give  Mrs.  Bingham  an  account  of  my  adventure  at  Chantraine,  in 
which,  of  course,  I  endeavored  to  render  my  friend  O'Leary  all  the 
honors  of  being  laughed  at  in  preference  to  myself,  laying  little 
stress  upon  my  masquerading  in  the  jack-boots. 

"  You  are  quite  right,"  said  O'Leary,  joining  in  the  hearty  laugh 
against  him — "  quite  right ;  I  was  always  a  very  heavy  sleeper — 
indeed,  if  I  wasn't  I  wouldn't  be  here  now,  travelling  about  engargon, 
free  as  air;"  and  here  he  heaved  a  sigh,  which,  from  its  incongruity 
with  his  jovial  look  and  happy  expression,  threw  us  all  into  renewed 
laughter. 

"But  why,  Mr.  O'Leary — what  can  your  sleepiness  have  to  do 
with  such  tender  recollections,  for  such,  I  am  sure,  that  sigh  bespeaks 
them  ?" 

"  Ah  !  ma'am,  it  may  seem  strange,  but  it  is,  nevertheless,  true,  if 
it  were  not  for  that  unfortunate  tendency,  I  should  now  be  the 
happy  possessor  of  a  most  accomplished  and  amiable  lady,  and  eight 
hundred  per  annum  three-and-a-half  per  cent,  stock." 

"  You  overslept  yourself  on  the  wedding  day,  I  suppose?" 

"  You  shall  hear,  ma'am ;  the  story  is  but  a  short  one :  It  is  now 
about  eight  years  ago,  I  was  rambling  through  the  south  of  France, 
and  had  just  reached  Lyons,  where  the  confounded  pavement,  that 
sticks  up  like  pears  with  the  points  upwards,  had  compelled  me  to 
rest  some  days  and  recruit;  for  this  purpose  I  installed  myself  in 
the  pension  of  Madame  Gourgeaud,  Rue  des  Petits  Carmes — a  quiet 
house,  where  we  dined  at  twelve,  ten  in  number,  upon  about  two 
pounds  of  stewed  beef,  with  garlic  and  carrots,  a  light  soup — being 
the  water  which  accompanied  the  same  to  render  it  tender  in  stew- 
ing— some  preserved  cherries,  and  an  omelette,  with  a  pint  bottle  of 
Beaune — Gmc  qualiM,  I  believe — a  .species  of  jiyroligneous  wine, 
made  from  the  vine-stalks,  but  pleasant  in  summer  with  your  salad  ; 
then,  we  played  dominoes  in  the  evening,  or  whist  for  sou  points. 


MR.   0' LEAHY.  239 

leading  altogether  a  very  quiet  and  virtuous  existence,  or,  as  Madame 
herself  expressed  it,  '  wie  vie  tout-d-fait  patriachalc  ;'  of  this,  I  cannot 
myself  afiirm  how  fur  she  was  right  in  supposing  the  ])atriarchs  did 
exactly  like  us.  But  to  proceed :  In  the  same  establishment  there 
lived  a  widow,  an  Englishwoman,  whose  late  husband  had  been  a 
w'ine  merchant  at  Dijon ;  he  had  also,  I  suppose  from  residing  in 
that  country,  been  imitating  the  patriarchs,  for  he  died  one  day. 
Well,  the  lady  was  delayed  at  Lyons  for  some  law  business,  and 
thus  it  came  about  that  her  husband's  testament  and  tlie  sharp 
paving-stones  in  the  streets  determined  that  we  should  be  acquainted. 
I  cannot  express  to  you  the  delight  of  my  fair  countrywoman  at 
finding  that  a  person  who  spoke  English  had  arrived  at  the  pen- 
sion, a  feeling  I  myself  somewhat  participated  in  ;  for,  to  say  truth,  I 
was  not  at  that  time  a  very  great  proficient  in  French.  We  soon 
became  intimate,  in  less  time,  probably,  than  it  could  otherwise 
have  happened ;  for,  from  the  ignorance  of  all  the  others  of  one 
word  of  English,  I  was  enabled  during  dinner  to  say  many  soft  and 
tender  things,  which  one  does  not  usually  venture  on  in  company. 

"I  recounted  my  travels,  and  told  various  adventures  of  my  wan- 
derings, till  at  last,  from  being  merely  amused,  I  found  that  my 
fair  friend  began  to  be  interested  in  my  narratives  ;  and  frequently, 
■when  passing  the  bouillon  to  her,  I  have  seen  a  tear  in  the  corner  of 
her  eye  :  in  a  word,  '  she  loved  me  for  the  dangers  I  had  passed,'  as 
Othello  says.  Well,  laugh  away  if  you  like,  but  it's  truth  I'm  tell- 
ing you."  At  this  part  of  Mr.  "O'Leary's  story,  we  all  found  it  im- 
possible to  withstand  the  ludicrous  mock-heroic  of  his  face  and 
tone,  and  laughed  loud  and  long.  When  we  at  length  became 
silent,  he  resumed :  "  Before  three  weeks  had  passed  over,  I  had 
proposed  and  was  accepted,— just  your  own  way,  Mr.  Lorrequer, 
taking  the  ball  at  the  hop,  the  very  same  way  you  did  at  Chelten- 
ham, the  time  the  lady  jilted  you,  and  ran  off  with  your  friend  Mr. 
Waller.  I  read  it  all  in  the  news,  though  I  was  then  in  Norway, 
fishing."  Here  there  was  another  interruption  by  a  laugh,  not, 
however,  at  Mr.  O'Leary's  expense.  I  gave  him  a  most  menacing 
look,  while  he  continued :  "  Tlie  settlements  were  soon  drawn  up, 
and  consisted,  like  all  great  diplomatic  documents,  of  a  series  of 
'  gains  and  compensations  ;'  thus,  slie  was  not  to  taste  anything 
stronger  than  kirschwasser,  or  Nantz  brandy;  and  I  limited  myself 
to  a  pound  of  short-cut  weekly,  and  so  on.  But  to  proceed :  The 
lady  being  a  good  Catholic,  insisted  upon  being  married  by  a  priest 
of  her  own  persuasion,  before  the  performance  of  the  ceremony  at 
the  British  embassy  in  Paris.  To  this  I  could  offer  no  objection, 
and  we  were  accordingly  united  in  the  holy  bonds  the  same  morn- 
ing, after  signing  the  law  papers." 


240  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

"  Then,  Mr,  O'Leary,  you  are  really  a  married  man  ?" 

"  That's  the  very  point  I'm  coming  to,  ma'am ;  for  I've  consulted 
all  the  jurists  upon  the  subject,  and  they  never  can  agree.  But  you 
shall  hear.  I  despatched  a  polite  note  to  Bishop  Luscombe,  and 
made  every  arrangement  for  the  approaching  ceremony,  took  a 
quarter  in  the  Rue  du  Helder,  near  the  Estaminet,  and  looked  for- 
ward with  anxiety  for  the  day  which  was  to  make  me  happy,  for 
our  marriage  iu  Lyons  was  only  a  kind  of  betrothal.  Now,  my  fair 
friend  had  but  one  difficulty  remaining,  poor  dear  soul ! — I  refrain 
from  mentioning  her  name,  for  delicacy's  sake — but  poor  dear  Mrs. 
Bam  could  not  bear  the  notion  of  our  going  up  to  Paris  in  the  same 
conveyance,  for  long  as  she  had  lived  abroad,  she  had  avoided 
everything  French,  even  the  language ;  so  she  proposed  that  I 
should  go  in  the  early  diligence,  which  starts  at  four  o'clock  in  the 
morning,  while  she  took  her  departure  at  nine ;  thus  I  should  be 
some  hours  sooner  in  Paris,  and  ready  to  receive  her  on  her  arrival, 
besides  sj^aring  her  bashfulness  all  reproach  of  our  travelling 
together.  It  was  no  use  my  telling  her  that  I  always  travelled 
on  foot,  and  hated  a  diligence  ;  she  coolly  replied  that  at  our  time  of 
life  we  could  not  spare  the  time  necessary  for  a  pilgrimage  to  Jeru- 
salem, for  so  she  supposed  the  journey  from  Lyons  to  Paris  to  be ; 
so  fearing  lest  any  doubt  might  be  thrown  upon  the  ardor  of  my 
attachment,  I  yielded  at  once,  remembering  at  the  moment  what  my 
poor  friend  Tom  Bing Oh,  Lord,  I'm  at  it  again !" 

"  Sir,  I  did  not  hear." 

"  Nothing,  ma-' am  ;  I  was  just  going  to  observe  that  ladies  of  a 
certain  time  of  life,  and  widows  especially,  like  a  lover  that  seems  a 
little  ardent  or  so  all  the  better."  Here  Mrs.  Bingham  blushed,  her 
daughter  bridled,  and  I  nearly  suffocated  with  shame  and  suppressed 
laughter. 

"  After  a  most  tender  farewell  of  my  bride,  or  wife — I  don't  know 
which — I  retired  for  the  night,  with  a  mind  vacillating  between  my 
hopes  of  happiness  and  my  fears  for  the  result  of  a  journey  so 
foreign  to  all  my  habits  of  travelling,  and  in  which  I  could  not  but 
tremble  at  the  many  casualties  my  habitual  laziness  and  dislike  to 
any  hours  but  my  own  choosing  might  involve  me  in. 

"  I  had  scarcely  lain  down  in  bed,  ere  these  tlioughts  took  such 
possession  of  me  that  sleep,  for  once  in  my  life,  was  out  of  the  ques- 
tion ;  and  then  the  misery  of  getting  up  at  four  in  the  morning, 
putting  on  your  clothes  by  the  flickering  light  of  the  porter's 
candle,  getting  your  boots  on  the  wrong  feet,  and  all  that  kind  of 
annoyance,  I  am  sure  I  fretted  myself  into  the  feeling  of  a  down- 
right martyr  before  an  hour  was  over.  '  Well,  at  least,'  thought  I, 
'  one  thing  was  well  done :  I  have  been  quite  right  in  coming  to 


MJl.  O'LEARY.  241 

Bleep  at  the  Mcssagcries  Hotel,  where  the  diligence  starts  from,  or  the 
chances  are  tea  to  one  that  I  never  should  wake  till  the  time  was 
past.  Now,  however,  they  are  sure  to  call  me,  so  I  may  sleep  tran- 
quilly till  then.'  Meanwhile  I  had  forgotten  to  pack  my  trunk, 
and  my  papers,  &c.,  lay  all  about  the  room  in  a  state  of  considerable 
confusion.  I  rose  at  once  with  all  the  despatch  I  could  muster ;  this 
took  a  long  time  to  effect,  and  it  was  nearly  two  o'clock  ere  I 
finished,  and  sat  down  to  smoke  a  solitary  pipe,  the  lust,  as  I  sup- 
posed, it  might  be  my  lot  to  enjoy  for  Heaven  knows  how  long, 
Mrs.  R.  having  expressed,  rather  late  in  our  intimacy,  I  confess, 
strong  opinions  against  tobacco  within  doors. 

"When  1  had  finished  my  little  sac  of  the  'weed,'  the  clock 
struck  three,  and  I  started  to  think  how  little  time  I  was  destined 
to  have  in  bed.  In  bed  I  '  Why,'  said  I,  *  there  is  no  use  thinking 
of  it  now,  for  I  shall  scarcely  have  lain  doWn  ere  I  shall  be  obliged 
to  get  up  again.'  So  thinking,  I  set  about  dressing  myself  for  the 
road,  and  as  the  season  was  winter  and  the  weather  dreadfully 
severe,  took  care  to  array  myself  in  all  the  covering  I  could  lay 
hands  upon ;  and  by  the  time  I  had  enveloped  myself  in  a  pair  of 
long  Hungarian  gaiters,  and  a  kurtcha  of  sheep's  wool,  with  a  brown 
bearskin  outside,  with  a  Welsh  wig,  and  a  pair  of  large  dark  glass 
goggles  to  defend  the  eyes  from  the  snow,  I  was  not  only  perfectly 
impervious  to  all  effects  of  the  weather,  but  so  thoroughly  defended 
from  any  influence  of  sight  or  sound,  that  a  volcano  might  be  hiss- 
ing and  thundering  within  ten  yards  of  me,  without  attracting  my 
slightest  attention.  Now,  I  thought,  instead  of  remaining  here,  I'll 
just  step  down  to  the  coach,  and  get  snugly  into  the  diligence,  and 
having  secured  the  corner  of  the  coup6,  resign  myself  to  sleep  with 
the  certainty  of  not  being  left  behind,  and  probably,  too,  be  some 
miles  on  my  journey  before  awaking. 

"I  accordingly  went  down  stairs,  and  to  my  surprise  found,  even 
at  that  early  hour,  that  many  of  the  gargons  of  the  house  were  stir- 
ring and  bustling  about,  getting  all  the  luggage  up  in  the  huge 
wooden  leviathan  that  was  to  convey  us  on  our  road.  There  they 
stood,  like  bees  around  a  hive,  clustering  and  buzzing,  and  all  so 
engaged,  that  with  difficulty  could  I  get  an  answer  to  my  question 
of  what  diligence  it  was.     '  La  diligence  pour  Paris,  Monsieur.' 

"  'Ah,  all  right,  then,'  said  I ;  so,  watching  an  opportunity  to  do 
so  unobserved,  for  I  supposed  they  might  have  laughed  at  me,  I 
stepped  quietly  into  the  coup6,  and  amid  the  creaking  of  cordage 
and  the  thumping  of  feet  on  the  roof,  fell  as  sound  asleep  as  ever  I 
did  in  my  life,  these  sounds  coming  to  my  muffled  ears  soft  as  the 
echoes  on  the  Rhine.  When  it  was  that  I  awoke  I  cannot  say ;  but 
as  I  rubbed  my  eyes  and  yawned  after  a  most  refreshing  sleep,  I 
16 


242  EARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

perceived  that  it  was  still  quite  dark  all  around,  aud  that  the  dili- 
gence was  standing  before  the  door  of  some  inn,  and  not  moving. 

*  Ah,'  thought  I,  '  this  is  the  first  stage ;  how  uatui'ally  one  always 
wakes  at  the  change  of  horses,  a  kind  of  instinct  implanted  by 
Providence,  I  suppose,  to  direct  us  to  a  little  refreshment  on  the 
road.'  With  these  pious  feelings  I  let  down  the  glass,  and  called 
out  to  the  garoon  for  a  glass  of  brandy  and  a  cigar.  While  he  was 
bringing  them,  I  had  time  to  look  about,  and  perceived,  to  my  very 
great  delight,  that  I  had  the  whole  coup^  to  myself.  'Are  there  any 
passengers  coming  in  here  ?'  said  I,  as  the  waiter  came  forward  with 
my  liquor.      '  I  should  think  not,  sir,'  said  the  fellow  with  a  leer. 

*  Then  I  shall  have  the  whole  coupd  to  myself?'  said  I.  '  Monsieur 
need  have  no  fear  of  being  disturbed ;  I  can  safely  assure  him  that 
he  will  have  no  one  there  for  the  next  twentj'-four  hours.'  This 
was  really  pleasant  intelligence ;  so  I  chucked  him  a  ten-sou  piece, 
and  closing  up  the  window,  as  the  morning  was  cold,  once  more  lay 
back  to  sleep,  Avith  a  success  that  has  never  failed  me.  It  was  to  a 
bright  blue  cloudless  sky,  and  the  sharp  clear  air  of  a  fine  day  in 
winter,  that  I  at  length  opened  my  eyes.  I  pulled  out  my  watch, 
and  discovered  that  it  was  exactly  two  o'clock  ;  I  next  lowered  the 
glass  and  looked  about  me,  and  very  much  to  my  surprise  discov- 
ered that  the  diligence  was  not  moving,  but  standing  very  peaceably 
in  a  very  crowded  congregation  of  other  similar  and  dissimilar  con- 
veyances, all  of  which  seemed,  I  thought,  to  labor  under  some 
physical  ailment,  some  wanting  a  box,  others  a  body,  &c.,  &c.,  and, 
in  fact,  suggesting  the  idea  of  an  infirmary  for  old  and  disabled 
carriages  of  either  sex,  mails  and  others.  *  Oh,  I  have  it,'  cried  I, 
*we  are  arrived  at  Mont-Geran,  and  they  are  all  at  dinner,  and 
from  my  being  alone  in  the  co-up^,  they  have  forgotten  to  call  me.' 
I  immediately  opened  the  door  and  stepped  out  into  the  inn-yard, 
crowded  with  conducieurs,  grooms,  and  hostlers,  who,  I  thought, 
looked  rather  surprised  at  seeing  me  emerge  from  the  diligence. 

"'You  did  not  know  I  was  there?'  said  I,  with  a  knowing  wink 
at  one  of  them  as  I  passed. 

"  *  Assur^nicnt  non,'  said  the  fellow,  with  a  laugh,  that  was  the 
signal  for  all  the  others  to  join  in  it.  *  Is  the  table  d'hote  over  ?'  said 
I,  regardless  of  the  mirth  around  me.  *  Monsieur  is  just  in  time,' 
said  the  waiter,  who  happened  to  pass  with  a  soup-tureen  in  his 
hand.  '  Have  the  goodness  to  step  this  way.'  I  had  barely  time  to 
remark  the  close  resemblance  of  the  waiter  to  the  fellow  who  pre- 
sented me  with  my  brandy  and  cigar  in  the  morning,  when  he 
ushered  me  into  a  large  room,  with  about  forty  persons  sitting  at  a 
long  table,  evidently  waiting  with  impatience  for  the  potage  to  begin 
their  dinner.     Whether  it  was  that  they  enjoyed  the  joke  of  having 


MH.  O'LEARY.  243 

neglected  to  call  me,  or  that  they  were  laughing  at  my  travelling 
costume,  I  cannot  say,  but  the  moment  I  came  in,  I  could  perceive 
a  general  titter  run  through  the  assembly.  'Not  too  late,  after  all, 
gentlemen,'  said  I,  marching  gravely  up  to  the  table. 

"  '  Monsieur  is  in  excellent  time,'  said  the  host,  making  room  for 
me  beside  his  chair.  Notwithstanding  the  incumbrance  of  my 
weighty  habiliments,  I  proceeded  to  do  ample  justice  to  the  viands 
before  me,  apologizing  laughingly  to  the  host,  by  pleading  a  travel- 
ler's appetite. 

"  '  Then  you  have,  perhaps,  come  far  this  morning,'  said  a  gentle- 
man opposite. 

"  '  Yes,'  said  I,  '  I  have  been  on  the  road  since  four  o'clock." 

" '  And  how  are  the  roads  ?'  said  another.  '  Very  bad,'  said  I, '  tho 
first  few  stages  from  Lyons,  afterwards  much  better.'  This  was  said 
at  a  venture,  as  I  began  to  be  ashamed  of  being  always  asleep  before 
my  fellow-travellers.  They  did  not  seem,  however,  to  understand 
me  perfectly ;  and  one  old  fellow,  putting  down  his  spectacles  from 
his  forehead,  leaned  over  and  said :  '  And  where,  may  I  ask,  has 
Monsieur  come  from  this  morning  ?' 

"  '  From  Lyons,'  said  I,  with  the  proud  air  of  a  man  who  has  done 
a  stout  feat,  and  is  not  ashamed  of  the  exploit. 

" '  From  Lyons !'  said  one.  '  From  Lyons !'  cried  another. 
'  From  Lyons  !'  repeated  a  third. 

"'Yes,'  said  I;  'what  is  so  strange  in  it?  Travelling  is  so  quick 
nowadays,  one  thinks  nothing  of  twenty  leagues  before  dinner.' 

"  The  infernal  shout  of  laughing  that  followed  my  explanation  is 
still  in  my  ears.  From  one  end  of  the  table  to  the  other  there  was 
one  continued  ha,  ha,  ha  I — from  the  greasy  host  to  the  little  hunch- 
backed waiter,  they  were  all  grinning  away. 

" '  And  how  did  Monsieur  travel  ?'  said  the  old  gentleman,  who 
seemed  to  carry  on  the  prosecution  against  me. 

" '  In  the  coup^  of  the  Aigle  Noir,'  said  I,  giving  the  name  with 
some  pride  that  I  was  not  altogether  ignorant  of  the  conveyance. 

'"Then  you  should  certainly  not  complain  of  the  roads,'  said  the 
host,  chuckling;  '  for  the  only  journey  that  diligence  has  made  this 
day  has  been  from  the  street-door  to  the  inn-yard ;  for  as  they  found 
when  the  luggage  was  nearly  packed  that  the  axle  was  almost 
broken  through,  they  wheeled  it  round  to  the  cour,  and  prepared 
another  for  the  travellers.' 

" '  And  where  am  I  now?'  said  I. 

"  '  In  Lyons,'  said  twenty  voices,  half  choked  with  laughter  at  my 
question. 

"  I  was  thunderstruck  at  the  news  at  first ;  but  as  T  proceeded  with 
my  dinner,  I  joined  in  the  mirth  of  the  party,  which  certainly  waa 


244  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

not  diminished  on  my  telling  them  the  object  of  my  intended 
journey. 

" '  I  think,  young  man,'  said  the  old  fellow  with  the  spectacles, 
'  that  you  should  take  the  occurrence  as  a  warning  of  Providence 
that  marriage  will  not  suit  you.'  I  began  to  be  of  the  same  opinion. 
But  then  there  was  the  jointure.  To  be  sure,  I  was  to  give  up 
tobacco ;  and  perhaps  I  should  not  be  as  free  to  ramble  about  as 
when  a  garron.  So,  taking  all  things  into  consideration,  I  ordered 
in  another  bottle  of  Burgundy,  to  drink  Mrs.  Eam's  health — got  my 
passport  vis6d  for  Bareges — and  set  out  for  the  Pyrenees  the  same 
evening." 

"And  have  you  never  heard  anything  more  of  the  lady?"  said 
Mrs.  Bingham. 

"  Oh,  yes.  She  was  faithful  to  the  last ;  for  I  found  out  when  at 
Rome  last  winter  that  she  had  offered  a  reward  for  me  in  the  news- 
papers, and  indeed,  had  commenced  a  regular  pursuit  of  me  through 
the  whole  Continent.  And  to  tell  the  real  fact,  I  should  not  now 
fancy  turning  my  steps  towards  Paris,  if  I  had  not  very  tolerable 
information  that  she  is  in  full  cry  after  me  through  the  Wengen 
Alps,  I  having  contrived  a  paragraph  in  Galignani,  to  seduce  her 
thither,  and  where,  with  the  blessing  of  Providence,  if  the  snow  set 
in  early,  she  must  pass  the  winter." 


CHAPTER  XXVIII. 

PARIS. 

NOTHING  more  worthy  of  recording  occurred  before  our 
arrival  at  Meurice's  on  the  third  day  of  our  journey.  My 
friend  O'Leary  had,  with  his  usual  good  fortune,  become 
indispensable  to  his  new  acquaintance,  and  it  was  not  altogether 
without  some  little  lurking  discontent  that  I  perceived  how  much 
less  often  my  services  were  called  in  request  since  his  having  joined 
our  party;  his  information,  uotwitlistanding  its  very  scanty  extent, 
was  continually  relied  upon,  and  his  very  imperfect  French  ever- 
lastingly called  into  requisition  to  interpret  a  question  for  the 
ladies.  "  Yes,"  thought  1,  "  '  Othello's  occupation's  gone' ;  one  of 
two  things  has  certainly  happened ;  either  Mrs.  Bingham  and  her 
daughter  have  noticed  my  continued  abstraction  of  mind,  and  have 
attriljutrd  it  to  tlie  real  cause,  the  preoccupation  of  my  affet-tions ; 
or  thinking,  on  the  other  hand,  that  I  am  desperately  in  love  with 
one  or  other  of  them,  have  thought  that  a  little  show  of  preference 


PARIS.  245 

to  Mr.  O'Leary  may  stimulate  me  to  a  proposal  at  once."  In  cither 
case  I  resolved  to  lose  uo  time  in  taking  my  leave,  which  there 
could  be  no  dilliculty  in  doing  now,  as  the  ladies  had  reached  their 
intended  destination,  and  had  numerous  friends  in  Paris  to  advise 
and  assist  them;  besides  that  I  had  too  long  neglected  the  real 
object  of  my  trip,  and  should  lose  no  time  in  finding  out  the  Cal- 
lonbys,  and  at  once  learn  what  prospect  of  success  awaited  me  in 
that  quarter.  Leaving  my  fair  friends,  then,  to  refresh  themselves 
after  the  journey,  and  consigning  Mr.  O'Leary  to  the  enjoyment  of 
his  meerschaum,  through  the  aid  of  which  he  had  rendered  his 
apartment  like  a  Dutch  swamp  in  autumn,  the  only  portion  of  his 
own  figure  visible  through  the  mist  being  his  short  legs  and  heavy 
shoes,  I  set  forth  at  last. 

On  reaching  the  house  in  the  Rue  de  la  Paix,  where  the  Callonbys 
had  resided,  1  learned  that  they  were  still  at  Baden,  and  were  not 
exj)ected  in  Paris  for  some  weeks ;  that  Lord  Kilkee  had  arrived 
that  morning,  and  was  then  dining  at  the  Embassy,  having  left  an 
invitation  for  me  to  dine  with  him  the  following  day,  if  I  happened 
to  call.  As  I  turned  from  the  door,  uncertain  whither  to  direct  my 
steps,  I  walked  on  unconsciously  towards  the  Boulevard,  and,  0(,'cu- 
pied  as  1  was,  thinking  over  all  the  chances  before  me,  did  not  ])er- 
ceive  where  I  stood  till  the  bright  glare  of  a  large  gas-lamp  over 
my  head  apprised  me  that  I  was  at  the  door  of  the  well-known 
Salon  des  Etrangers,  at  the  corner  of  the  Rue  Richelieu ;  carriages, 
citadlnes,  and  vigilantes  were  crowding,  crashing,  and  clattering  on 
all  sides,  as  the  host  of  fashion  and  the  gaming-table  were  hastening 
to  their  champ  de  lataillc.  Not  being  a  member  of  the  Salon,  and 
having  little  disposition  to  enter,  if  I  had  been,  I  stood  for  some 
minutes  looking  at  the  crowd  as  it  continued  to  press  on  towards 
the  splendid  and  brilliantly  lighted  stairs  which  led  from  the  very 
street  to  the  rooms  of  this  palace,  for  such,  in  the  magnificence  and 
luxury  of  its  decorations,  it  really  was.  As  I  was  on  the  very  eve 
of  turning  away,  a  large  and  very  handsome  cab-horse  turned  the 
corner  from  the  Boulevard,  with  the  most  perfect  appointment  of 
harness  and  carriage  I  had  seen  for  a  long  time. 

While  I  continued  to  admire  the  taste  and  propriety  of  the  equip- 
age, a  young  man  in  deep  mourning  sprang  from  the  inside  and 
stood  upon  the  pavement  before  me.  "yl  deux  heures,  Charles," 
said  he  to  his  servant,  as  the  cab  turned  slowly  round.  The  voice 
struck  me  as  well  known.  I  waited  till  he  approached  the  lamp, 
to  catch  a  glimpse  of  the  face ;  and  what  was  my  surprise  to  recog- 
nize my  cousin,  Guy  Lorrequcr,  of  the  10th,  whom  I  had  not  met 
with  for  six  years  before.  My  first  impulse  was  not  to  make  myself 
known  to  him.    Our  mutual  position  with  regard  to  Lady  Jane  was 


246  SA  RR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

BO  much  a  mystery,  as  regarded  myself,  that  I  feared  the  result  of 
any  meeting,  until  I  was  sufficiently  aware  of  how  matters  stood, 
and  whether  we  were  to  meet  as  friends  and  relations,  or  rivals,  and 
consequently  enemies. 

Before  I  had  time  to  take  my  resolution,  Guy  had  recognized  me, 
and  seizing  me  by  the  hand  with  both  his,  called,  "  Harry,  my  old 
friend,  how  are  you  ?  How  long  have  you  been  here  ?  And  never 
to  call  on  me !  Why,  man,  what  is  the  meaning  of  this  ?"  Before 
I  had  time  to  say  that  I  was  only  a  few  hours  in  Paris,  he  again 
interrupted  me  by  saying :  "  And  how  comes  it  that  you  are  not  in 
mourning?  You  must  surely  have  heard  it."  "Heard  what?"  I 
cried,  nearly  hoarse  from  agitation.  "  Our  poor  old  friend,  Sir  Guy, 
didn't  you  know,  is  dead."  Only  those  who  have  felt  how  strong 
the  ties  of  kindred  are,  as  they  decrease  in  number,  can  tell  how  this 
news  fell  upon  my  heart.  All  my  poor  uncle's  kindnesses  came  full 
upon  my  memory ;  his  affectionate  letters  of  advice ;  his  well-meant 
chidings,  too,  even  dearer  to  me  than  his  praise  and  approval,  com- 
pletely unmanned  me ;  and  I  stood  speechless  and  powerless  before 
my  cousin  as  he  continued  to  detail  to  me  the  rapid  progress  of  Sir 
Guy's  malady,  an  attack  of  gout  in  the  head,  which  carried  him  off 
in  three  days.  Letters  had  been  sent  to  me  in  different  places,  but 
none  reached ;  and  at  the  very  moment  the  clerk  of  my  uncle's 
lawyer  was  in  pursuit  of  me  through  the  Highlands,  where  some 
mistaken  information  had  induced  him  to  follow  me. 

"  You  are,  therefore,"  continued  Guy,  "  unaware  that  our  uncle 
has  dealt  so  fairly  by  you,  and,  indeed,  by  both  of  us ;  I  have  got 
the  Somersetshire  estates,  which  go  with  the  baronetcy;  but  the 
Cumberland  property  is  all  yours ;  and  I  heartily  wish  you  joy  of 
having  nearly  eight  thousand  per  annum,  and  one  of  the  sweetest 
villas  that  ever  man  fancied  on  Derwentwater.  But  come  along 
here,"  continued  he,  and  he  led  me  through  the  crowded  corridor 
and  up  the  wide  stair ;  "  I  have  much  to  tell  you,  and  we  can  be  per- 
fectly alone  here ;  no  one  will  trouble  themselves  with  us."  Uncon- 
scious of  all  around  me,  I  followed  Guy  along  the  gilded  and  glit- 
tering lobby,  which  led  to  the  salon,  and  it  was  only  as  the  servant 
in  rich  livery  came  forward  to  take  my  hat  and  cane  that  I  remem- 
bered where  I  was.  Then  the  full  sense  of  all  I  had  been  listening 
to  rushed  upon  me,  and  the  unfitness,  and  indeed  the  indecency  of 
the  place  for  such  communications  as  we  were  engaged  in,  came 
most  forcibly  before  me.  Sir  Guy,  it  is  true,  had  always  preferred 
my  cousin  to  me ;  he  it  was  who  was  always  destined  to  succeed 
both  to  his  title  and  his  estates,  and  his  wildness  and  extravagance 
had  ever  met  with  a  milder  rebuke  and  weaker  chastisement  than 
my  follies  and  my  misfortunes.     Yet  still  he  was  my  last  remaining 


PARIS.  247 

relative ;  the  only  one  I  possessed  in  all  the  world  to  whom  in  any 
dilliculty  or  triiil  I  had  to  look  up ;  and  I  felt,  in  the  very  midst  of 
my  newly-acquired  wealth  and  riches,  poorer  and  more  alone  than 
ever  I  had  done  in  my  lifetime.  I  followed  Guy  to  a  small  and 
dimly-lighted  cabinet  off  the  great  salon,  where,  having  seated  our- 
selves, he  proceeded  to  detail  to  me  the  various  events  which  a  few 
short  weeks  had  accomplished.  Of  himself  he  spoke  but  little,  and 
never  once  alluded  to  the  Callonbys  at  all ;  indeed,  all  I  could  learn 
was  that  he  had  left  the  army,  and  purposed  remaining  for  the  win- 
ter at  Paris,  where  he  appeared  to  have  entered  into  all  its  gayety 
and  dissipation  at  once. 

"  Of  course,"  said  he,  "  you  will  give  up  '  sodgering'  now  ;  at  the 
best  it  is  but  poor  sport  after  five-and-twenty,  and  is  perfectly  unen- 
durable when  a  man  has  the  means  of  pushing  himself  in  the  gay 
world ;  and  now,  Harry,  let  us  mix  a  little  among  the  mob  here ; 
for  Messieurs  les  Banquiers  don't  hold  people  in  estimation  who  come 
here  only  for  the  chapons  au  riz  and  the  champagne  frappi,  as  we 
should  seem  to  do  were  we  to  stay  here  much  longer." 

Such  was  the  whirl  of  my  thoughts,  and  so  great  the  confusion  in 
my  ideas  from  all  I  had  just  heard,  that  I  felt  myself  implicitly  fol- 
lowing every  direction  of  my  cousin  with  a  child-like  obedience,  of 
the  full  extent  of  which  I  became  only  conscious  when  I  found  my- 
self seated  at  the  table  of  the  salon,  between  my  cousin  Guy  and  an 
old,  hard-visaged,  pale-countenanced  man,  who  he  told  me  in  a 
whisper  was  Polignac  the  Minister. 

What  a  study  for  the  man  who  would  watch  the  passions  and 
emotions  of  his  fellow-men  would  the  table  of  a  rouge  et  noir  gam- 
bling-house present— the  skill  and  dexterity  which  games  of  other 
kinds  require  being  here  wanting,  leave  the  player  free  to  the  full 
abandonment  of  the  passion.  The  interest  is  not  a  gradually  increas- 
ing or  vacillating  one,  as  fortune  and  knowledge  of  the  game  favor; 
the  result  is  uninfluenced  by  anything  of  his  doing ;  with  the  last 
turned  card  of  the  croupier  is  he  rich  or  ruined ;  and  thus  in  the 
very  abstraction  of  the  anxiety  is  this  the  most  painfully  exciting 
of  all  gambling  whatever;  the  very  rattle  of  the  dice-box  to  the 
hazard-player  is  a  relief;  and  the  thought  that  he  is  in  some  way 
instrumental  to  his  good  or  bad  fortune  gives  a  turn  to  his  thoughts. 
There  is  something  so  like  the  inevitable  character  of  fate  associ- 
ated with  the  result  of  a  chance,  which  you  can  in  no  way  affect  or 
avert,  that  I  have,  notwithstanding  a  strong  bias  for  play,  ever 
dreaded  and  avoided  the  rouge  et  noir  table.  Hitherto  prudential 
motives  had  their  share  in  the  resolve ;  a  small  loss  at  play  becomes 
a  matter  of  importance  to  a  sub.  in  a  marching  regiment ;  and, 
therefore,  I  was  firm  in  my  determination  to  avoid  the  gambling- 


248  HARRY  LOEREQUER. 

table.  Now,  my  fortunes  were  altered ;  and  as  I  looked  at  the 
heap  of  shining  louis  d'or,  which  Guy  pushed  before  me  in  exchange 
for  a  billet  de  banque  of  large  amount,  I  felt  the  full  importance  of 
my  altered  position,  mingling  with  the  old  and  long  practised  pre- 
judices which  years  had  been  accumulating  to  fix.  There  is, 
besides,  some  wonderful  fascination  to  most  men  in  the  very  aspect 
of  high  play ;  to  pit  your  fortune  against  that  of  another — to  see 
whether  or  not  your  luck  shall  not  exceed  some  other's — are  feel- 
ings that  have  a  place  in  most  bosoms,  and  are  certainly,  if  not 
naturally  existing,  most  easily  generated  in  the  bustle  and  excite- 
ment of  the  gambling-house.  The  splendor  of  the  decorations — the 
rich  profusion  of  gilded  ornaments — the  large  and  gorgeously- 
framed  mirrors — the  sparkling  lustres,  mingling  their  effect  with 
the  perfumed  air  of  the  apartment,  filled  with  orange-trees  and 
other  aromatic  shrubs — the  dress  of  the  company,  among  whom 
were  many  ladies  in  costumes  not  inferior  to  those  of  a  court — 
the  glitter  of  diamonds — the  sparkle  of  stars  and  decorations,  ren- 
dered more  magical  by  knowing  that  the  wearers  were  names  in 
history.  There,  with  his  round  but  ample  shoulder,  and  large 
massive  head,  covered  with  long  snow-white  hair,  stands  one,  the 
maker  and  unmaker  of  kings,  watching  with  a  look  of  ill-concealed 
anxiety  the  progress  of  his  game.  Here  is  Soult,  with  his  dogged 
look  and  beetle  brow ;  there  stands  Balzac,  the  author ;  his  gains 
here  are  less  derived  from  the  betting  than  the  betters ;  he  is  evi- 
dently "  making  his  own"  of  some  of  them,  while  in  the  seeming 
bonhomie  of  his  careless  manner  and  easy  abandon,  they  scruple  not- 
to  trust  him  with  anecdotes  and  traits,  that  from  the  crucible  of 
his  fiery  imagination  come  forth  like  the  purified  gold  from  the 
furnace.  And  there,  look  at  that  old  and  weather-beaten  man, 
with  gray  eye-brows  and  mustachios,  who  throws  from  the  breast 
pocket  of  liis  frock,  ever  and  anon,  a  handful  of  gold  pieces  upon 
the  table  ;  he  evidently  neither  knows  nor  cares  for  the  amount,  for 
the  banker  himself  is  obliged  to  count  over  the  stake  for  him — 
that  is  Blucher,  the  never-wanting  attendant  at  the  salon :  he  has 
been  an  immense  loser,  but  plays  on,  and,  with  the  same  stern 
perseverance  with  which  he  would  pour  his  bold  cavalry  tlirough  a 
ravine  torn  by  artillery,  he  stands  by  the  still  waning  chance  with 
a  courage  that  never  falters. 

One  strong  feature  of  the  levelling  character  of  a  taste  for  play 
has  never  ceased  to  impress  me  most  forcibly — not  only  do  the 
individual  peculiarities  of  the  man  give  way  before  the  all-absorb- 
ing passion,  but  the  very  boldest  traits  of  nationality  even  fade  and 
diskippcar  before  it ;  and  man  seems  under  the  high-j)r(!ssure  power  of 
this  greatest  of  all  stimulants,  resolved  into  a  most  abstract  state. 


PARIS.  249 

Among  all  the  traits  which  distinguish  Frenchmen  from  natives 
of  every  country,  none  is  more  prominent  than  a  kind  of  never- 
failing  elasticity  of  temperament,  which  seems  almost  to  defy  all 
the  power  of  misfortune  to  depress.  Let  what  will  happen,  the 
Frenchman  seems  to  possess  some  strong  resource  within  himself, 
in  his  ardent  temperament,  upon  which  he  can  draw  at  will ;  and 
whether  on  the  day  after  a  defeat — the  moment  of  being  deceived 
in  his  strongest  hopes  of  returned  affection — the  overthrow  of  some 
long-cherished  wish — it  matters  not — he  never  gives  way  entirely  ; 
but  see  him  at  the  gaming-table — watch  the  intense,  the  aching 
anxiety  with  which  his  eye  follows  every  card  as  it  falls  from  the 
hand  of  the  croupier — behold  the  look  of  cold  despair  that  tracks  his 
stake  as  the  banker  rakes  it  in  among  his  gains — and  you  will  at 
once  perceive  that  here,  at  least,  his  wonted  powers  fail  him.  No 
jest  escapes  the  lips  of  one  that  would  joke  upon  the  steps  of  the 
guillotine.  The  mocker  who  would  jeer  at  the  torments  of  revolu- 
tion stands  like  a  coward  quailing  before  the  impassive  eye  and  pale 
cheek  of  a  croupier.  While  1  continued  to  occupy  myself  by 
observing  the  different  groups  about  me,  I  had  been  almost  mechan- 
ically following  the  game,  placing  at  each  deal  some  gold  upon  the 
table;  the  result,  however,  had  interested  me  so  slightly,  that  it  was 
only  by  remarking  the  attention  my  game  had  excited  in  others, 
that  my  own  was  drawn  towards  it.  I  then  perceived  that  I  had 
permitted  my  winnings  to  accumulate  upon  the  board,  and  that  in 
the  very  deal  then  commencing,  I  had  a  stake  of  nearly  five  hun- 
dred pounds. 

"  Faites  votre  jeau,  le  jeu  est  fait,"  said  the  croupier,  "  trente- 
deux." 

"You  have  lost,  by  Jove,"  said  Guy,  in  a  low  whisper,  in  which 
I  could  detect  some  trait  of  agitation, 

"  Trente-et-un,"  added  the  croupier.     "  Rouge  perd,  et  couleur." 

There  was  a  regular  buzz  of  wonder  through  the  room  at  my  ex- 
traordinary luck,  for  thus,  with  every  chance  against  me,  I  had  won 
again. 

As  the  croupier  placed  the  billets  de  hanqiie  upon  the  table,  I  over- 
heard the  muttered  commendations  of  an  old  veteran  behind  me, 
upon  the  coolness  and  judgment  of  my  play.  "  So  much  for  for- 
tune," thought  I.  "  My  judgment  consists  in  a  perfect  ignorance  of 
the  chances,  and  my  coolness  is  merely  a  thorough  indifference  to 
success,"  Whether  it  was  now  that  the  flattery  had  its  effect  upon 
me,  or  that  the  passion  for  play,  so  long  dormant,  had  suddenly 
seized  hold  upon  me,  I  know  not,  but  my  attention  became  from 
that  moment  riveted  upon  the  game,  and  I  played  every  deal.  Guy, 
who  had  been  from  the  first  betting  with  the  indifferent  success 


250  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

which  I  have  so  often  observed  to  attend  upon  the  calculations  of  old 
and  experienced  gamblers,  now  gave  up,  and  employed  himself 
merely  in  watching  my  game. 

"  Harry,"  said  he,  at  last,  "  I  am  completely  puzzled  as  to  whether 
you  are  merely  throwing  down  your  louis  at  hazard,  or  are  not  the 
deepest  player  I  have  ever  met  with." 

"  You  shall  see,"  said  I,  as  I  stooped  over  towards  the  banker,  and 
whispered,  "  How  far  is  the  betting  permitted  ?" 

"  Fifteen  thousand  francs,"  said  the  croupier,  with  a  look  of  sur- 
prise. 

"  Here  goes,  then  1"  said  I ;  "  quinze  mille  francs,  rouge." 

In  a  moment  the  rouge  won,  and  the  second  deal  I  repeated  the 
bet,  and  so  continuing  on  with  the  like  success.  When  I  was  pre- 
paring my  rouleau  for  the  fifth,  the  banker  rose,  and  saying,  "  Mes- 
sieurs, la  banque  est  ferme  pour  ce  soir,"  proceeded  to  lock  his  cas- 
sette, and  close  the  table. 

"  You  are  satisfied  now,"  said  Guy,  rising ;  "  you  see  you  have 
broken  the  bank,  and  a  very  pretty  incident  to  commence  with,  on 
your  first  introduction  to  a  campaign  in  Paris." 

Having  changed  my  gold  for  notes,  I  stuffed  them  with  an  air  of 
well-affected  carelessness  into  my  pocket,  and  strolled  through  the 
salon,  where  I  had  now  become  an  object  of  considerably  more  in- 
terest than  all  the  marshals  and  ministers  about  me. 

"  Now,  Hal,"  said  Guy,  "  I'll  just  order  our  supper  in  the  cabinet, 
and  join  you  in  a  moment." 

As  I  remained  for  some  minutes  awaiting  Guy's  return,  my  atten- 
tion was  drawn  towards  a  crowd  in  a  smaller  salon,  among  whom  the 
usual  silent  decorum  of  the  play-table  seemed  held  in  but  small 
respect,  for  every  instant  some  shout  of  hearty  laughter,  or  some 
open  expression  of  joy  or  anger,  burst  forth,  by  which  I  immediately 
perceived  that  they  were  the  votaries  of  the  roulette-table,  a  game 
at  which  the  strict  propriety  and  etiquette  ever  maintained  at  rovge 
et  noir  are  never  exacted.  As  I  pressed  nearer,  to  discover  the 
cause  of  the  mirth,  which  every  moment  seemed  to  augment,  guess 
my  surprise  to  perceive  among  the  foremost  rank  of  the  players  my 
acquaintance  Mr.  O'Leary,  whom  I  at  that  moment  believed  to  be 
solacing  himself  with  his  meerschaum  at  Meurice's,  My  astonish- 
ment at  how  he  obtained  admission  to  the  salon  was  even  less  than 
my  fear  of  his  recognizing  me.  At  no  time  is  it  agreeable  to  find 
that  the  man  who  is  regarded  as  the  buffo  of  a  party  turns  out  to  be 
your  friend ;  but  still  less  is  this  so  when  the  individual  claiming 
acquaintance  with  you  presents  any  striking  absurdity  in  his  dress 
or  manner,  strongly  at  contrast  with  the  persons  and  things  about 
him.     And  thus  it  now  happened.     Mr.  O'Leary's  external  man,  as 


PARIS.  251 

we  met  him  on  the  Calais  road,  with  its  various  accompaniments  of 
blouse,  cap,  spectacles,  and  tobacco-pipe,  were  nothing  very  remark- 
able, but  when  the  same  figure  pri>scnt(Hl  itself  amoni^  tlic  t'lcgana  oi 
the  Parisian  world,  redolent  of  eau  de  I'ortugal,  and  superb  in  the 
glories  of  brocade  waistcoats  and  velvet  coats,  the  thing  was  too 
absurd,  and  I  longed  to  steal  away  before  any  chance  should  present 
itself  of  a  recognition.  This,  however,  was  impossible,  as  the  crowd 
from  the  other  table  were  all  gathered  round  us,  and  I  was  obliged 
to  stand  fast,  and  trust  that  the  excitement  of  the  game,  in  which 
he  appeared  to  be  thoroughly  occupied,  might  keep  his  eye  fixed  on 
another  quarter,  I  now  observed  that  the  same  scene  in  which  I 
had  so  lately  been  occupied  at  the  rouge  et  noir  table  was  enacting 
here,  under  rather  different  circumstances.  Mr.  O'Leary  was  the 
only  player,  as  I  had  just  been — not,  however,  because  his  success 
absorbed  all  the  interest  of  the  bystanders,  but  that,  unfortunately, 
his  constant  want  of  it  elicited  some  strong  expression  of  discontent 
and  mistrust  from  him,  which  excited  the  loud  laughter  of  the 
others,  but  of  which,  from  his  great  anxiety  in  the  game,  he  seemed 
totally  unconscious. 

"Faites  votre  jeu,  messieurs,"  said  the  croupier. 
"  Wait  a  bit  till  I  change  this,"  said  Mr.  O'Leary,  producing  an 
English  sovereign  ;  the  action  interpreted  his  wishes,  and  the  money 
was  converted  into  coupons  dejeu, 

I  now  discovered  one  great  cause  of  the  mirth  of  the  bystanders, 
at  least  the  English  portion  of  them.  Mr.  O'Leary,  when  placing 
his  money  upon  the  table,  observed  the  singular  practice  of 
announcing  aloud  the  amount  of  his  bet,  which,  for  his  own  infor- 
mation, he  reduced  to  Irish  currency ;  thus  the  stillness  of  the  room 
was  every  instant  broken  by  a  strong  Irish  accent  pronouncing 
something  of  this  sort:  "Five  francs,"  "four  and  a  penny"— "  ten 
francs,"  "  eight  and  three  ha'pence."  The  amusement  thus  caused 
was  increased  by  the  excitement  his  losses  threw  him  into.  He  now 
ceased  to  play  for  several  times,  when  at  last  he  made  an  offering  of 
his  usual  stake. 

"  Perd,"  said  the  croupier,  raking  in  the  piece  with  a  contemptu- 
ous air  at  the  smallness  of  the  bet,  and  in  no  way  pleased  that  the 
interest  Mr.  O'Leary  excited  should  prevent  the  other  players  from 
betting. 

"  Perd,"  said  O'Leary  again.  "  Devil  another  song  you  sing  than 
*  perd,'  and  I'm  not  quite  clear  you're  not  cheating  all  the  while- 
only,  God  help  you  if  you  are  !" 

As  he  so  said,  the  head  of  a  huge  blackthorn  stick  was  half  pro- 
truded across  the  table,  causing  renewed  mirth  ;  for,  among  other 
regulations,  every  cane,  however  trifling,  is  always  demanded  at  the 


252  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

door ;  and  thus  a  new  subject  of  astonishment  arose  as  to  how  he 
had  succeeded  in  carrying  it  with  him  into  the  salon. 

"  Here's  at  you  again,"  said  O'Leary,  regardless  of  the  laughter, 
and  covering  three  or  four  numbers  with  hi^jetons. 

Round  went  the  ball  once  more,  and  once  more  he  lost. 

"  Look,  now,  devil  a  lie  in  it ;  he  makes  them  go  wherever  he 
pleases.  I'll  take  a  turn  now  at  the  tables ;  fair  play's  a  jewel,  and 
we'll  see  how  you'll  get  on." 

So  saying,  he  proceeded  to  insinuate  himself  into  the  chair  of  the 
croupier,  whom  he  proposed  to  supersede,  by  no  very  gentle  means. 
This  was  of  course  resisted,  and  as  the  loud  mirth  of  the  bystanders 
grew  more  and  more  boisterous,  the  cries  of  "^  la  porte!  A  la 
porte  /"  from  the  friends  of  the  bank,  rang  through  the  crowd. 

"  Go  it,  Pat ! — go  it,  Pat !"  said  Guy,  over  my  shoulder,  who 
seemed  to  take  a  prodigious  interest  in  the  proceedings. 

At  this  unexpected  recognition  of  his  nativity — for  Mr.  O'Leary 
never  suspected  he  could  be  discovered  by  his  accent — he  looked 
across  the  table,  and  caught  my  eye  at  once. 

"  Oh,  I'm  safe  now  I  Stand  by  me,  Mr.  Lorrequer,  and  we'll 
clear  the  room." 

So  saying,  and  without  any  further  provocation,  he  upset  the 
croupier,  chair  and  all,  with  one  sudden  jerk  upon  the  floor,  and 
giving  a  tremendous  kick  to  the  cassette,  sent  all  the  five-franc 
pieces  flying  over  him ;  he  then  jumped  upon  the  table,  and,  bran- 
dishing his  blackthorn  through  the   ormolu  lustre,  scattered  the 
wax-lights  on  all  sides,  accompanying  the  exploit  by  a  yell  that 
would  have  called  up  all  Connemara  at  midnight,  if  it  had  only 
been  heard  there.    In  an  instant  the  gendarmes — always  sufliciently 
near  to  be  called  in  if  required — came  pouring  into  the  room,  and, 
supposing  the  whole  affair  had  been  a  preconcerted  plan  to  obtain 
possession  of  the  money  in  the  bank,  commenced  capturing  diffe- 
rent members  of  the  company  wlio  appeared,  by  enjoying  the  con- 
fusion, to  be  favoring  and  assisting  it.     My  cousin  Guy  was  one  of 
the  first  so  treated — a  proceeding  to  which  he  responded  by  aa 
appeal  rather  in  favor  by  most  Englishmen,  and  at  once  knocked 
down  the  gendarme.    This  was  the  signal  for  a  general  engagement, 
and  accordingly,  before  an  explanation  could  possibly  be  attempted, 
a  most  terrific  combat  ensued.     The  Frenchmen  in  the  room  sided 
with  the  gendarmerie,  making  common  cause  against  the  English, 
who,  although  greatly  inferior  in  number,  possessed  considerable 
advantage,  from  long  habit  in  street  rows  and  boxing  encounters. 
As  for  myself,  I  had  the  good  fortune  to  be  pitted  .igainst  a  very 
pursy  and  unwieldy  Frenchman,  who  sacr^'d  to   admiration,  but 
never  put  in  a  single  blow  at  me ;  while,  therefore,  I  amused  myself 


PARIS.  253 

practicing  what  old  Cribb  called  "  the  one,  two,"  upon  his  fat  car- 
case, 1  had  abundant  time  and  opportunity  to  watcli  all  that  was 
doing  about  me,  and  truly  a  more  ludicrous  afl'air  I  never  beheld. 
Imagine  about  fifteen  or  sixteen  young  Englishmen,  most  of  them 
powerful,  athletic  fellows,  driving  an  indiscriminate  mob  of  about 
five  times  their  number  before  them,  wlio,  with  courage  enough  to 
resist,  were  yet  so  totally  ignorant  of  the  boxing  art,  that  they  re- 
treated pell-mell  before  the  battering  phalanx  of  their  sturdy 
opponents — the  most  ludicrous  figure  of  all  being  Mr.  O'Leary  him- 
self, who,  standing  upon  the  table,  laid  about  him  with  a  brass 
lustre  that  he  had  unstrung,  and  did  considerable  mischief  with  this 
novel  instrument  of  warfare,  crying  out  the  entire  time,  "  Murder 
every  mother's  son  of  them  I"  "  Give  them  another  taste  of 
Waterloo  I"  Just  as  he  uttered  the  last  patriotic  sentiment,  he  re- 
ceived a  slight  admonition  from  behind,  by  the  point  of  a  gen- 
darme's sword,  which  made  him  leap  from  the  table  with  the  alac- 
rity of  a  harlequin,  and  come  plump  down  among  the  thickest  of 
the  fray.  My  attention  was  now  directed  elsewhere,  for  above  all 
the  din  and  tapage  of  the  encounter,  I  could  plainly  hear  the  row- 
dow-dow  of  the  drums  and  the  measured  tread  of  troops  approach- 
ing, and  at  once  guessed  that  a  reinforcement  of  the  gendarmerie 
were  coming  up.  Behind  me  there  was  a  large  window  with  a  heavy 
scarlet  curtain  before  it ;  my  resolution  was  at  once  taken :  I  floored 
my  antagonist,  whom  I  had  till  now  treated  with  the  most  merciful 
forbearance,  and  immediately  sprang  behind  the  curtain.  A 
second's  consideration  showed  that  in  the  search  that  must  ensue 
this  would  afford  no  refuge,  so  I  at  once  opened  the  sash,  and  en- 
deavored to  ascertain  at  what  height  I  was  above  the  ground 
beneath  me  ;  the  night  was  so  dark  that  I  could  see  nothing,  but 
judging  from  the  leaves  and  twigs  that  reached  to  the  window 
that  it  was  a  garden  beneath,  and  auguring,  from  the  perfumed 
smell  of  the  shrubs,  that  they  could  not  be  tall  trees,  I  resolved  to 
leap,  a  resolve  I  had  little  time  to  come  to,  for  the  step  of  the  sol- 
diers was  already  heard  upon  the  stair.  Fixing  my  hat,  then, 
down  upon  my  brows,  and  buttoning  my  coat  tightly,  I  let  myself 
down  from  the  window-stool  by  my  hands,  and  fell  upon  my  legs  in 
the  soft  earth  of  the  garden,  safe  and  unhurt.  From  the  increased 
clamor  and  din  overhead,  I  could  learn  the  affray  was  at  its  height, 
and  had  little  difficulty  in  detecting  the  sonorous  accent  and  wild 
threats  of  my  friend  Mr.  O'Leary  high  above  all  the  other  sounds 
around  him.  I  did  not  wait  long,  however,  to  enjoy  them,  but  at 
once  set  about  securing  my  escape  from  my  present  bondage.  In 
this  I  had  little  difficulty,  for  I  was  directed  by  a  light  to  a  small 
door,  which,  as  I  approached,  I  found  led  into  the  den  of  the  con- 


254  JTAHn  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

cierge,  and  also  communicated  by  another  door  with  the  street.  I 
opened  it,  therefore,  at  once,  and  was  in  the  act  of  opening  the 
second,  when  I  felt  myself  seized  by  the  collar  by  a  strong  hand  ; 
and  on  turning  round,  saw  the  sturdy  figure  of  the  concierge  himself, 
with  a  drawn  bayonet  within  a  few  inches  of  my  throat.  "  Tenez, 
mon  ami,"  said  I,  quietly  ;  and  placing  half  a  dozen  louis,  some  of  my 
recent  spoils,  in  his  hand,  at  once  satisfied  him  that,  even  if  I  were  a 
robber,  I  was  at  least  one  that  understood  and  respected  the  conve- 
niences of  society.  He  at  once  relinquished  his  hold  and  dropped 
his  weapon,  and  pulling  off  his  cap  with  one  hand,  to  draw  the  cord 
which  opened  the  parte  cochire  with  the  other,  bowed  me  politely  to 
the  street.  I  had  scarcely  had  time  to  insinuate  myself  into  the 
dense  mass  of  the  people  whom  the  noise  and  confusion  within  had 
assembled  around  the  house,  when  the  double  door  of  the  building 
opened,  and  a  file  of  gendarmerie  came  forth,  leading  between  them 
my  friend  Mr.  O'Leary  and  some  others  of  the  rioters — among  whom 
I  rejoiced  to  find  my  cousin  did  not  figure.  If  I  were  to  judge  from 
his  disordered  habiliments  and  scarred  visage,  Mr.  O'Leary's  resist- 
ance to  the  constituted  authorities  must  have  been  a  vigorous  one, 
and  the  drollery  of  his  appearance  was  certainly  not  decreased  by 
his  having  lost  the  entire  brim  of  his  hat — the  covering  of  his  head 
bearing  under  these  distressing  circumstances  a  strong  resemblance 
to  a  saucepan. 

As  I  could  not  at  that  moment  contribute  in  any  way  to  his  rescue, 
I  determined  on  the  following  day  to  be  present  at  his  examination, 
and  render  him  all  the  assistance  in  my  power.  Meanwhile,  I  re- 
turned to  Meurice's,  thinking  of  every  adventure  of  the  evening  much 
more  than  of  my  own  changed  condition  and  altered  fortune. 


CHAPTER    XXIX. 

PARIS. 

THE  first  thing  which  met  my  eye  when  waking  in  the  morn- 
ing after  the  affair  at  the  salon,  was  the  rouleau  of  hilleU  de 
banque  which  I  had  won  at  play  ;  and  it  took  several  minutes 
before  I  could  persuade  myself  that  the  entire  recollection  of  the 
evening  had  any  more  solid  foundation  than  a  heated  brain  and 
fevered  imagination.  The  sudden  spring  from  being  a  sabaltern  in 
the  4 — th,  with  a  few  hundreds  per  annum — pour  tout  potagc — to 
becoming  tlie  veritable  proprietor  of  several  thousands,  with  a 
handsome    house  in   Cumberland,  was  a  consideration  which  I 


PARIS.  25/5 

could  scarcely  admit  into  my  mind,  ho  fearful  was  I  that  the  very 
first  occurrence  of  the  day  should  dispel  the  illusion,  and  tlirow  me 
back  into  the  dull  reality  from  whicli  I  was  hoping  to  escape. 

There  is  no  adage  more  true  than  the  old  Roman  one,  "  that  what 
we  wish,  we  readily  believe;"  so  I  had  little  difficulty  in  convincing 
myself  that  all  was  as  I  desired,  altliough,  certainly,  my  confused 
memory  of  the  past  evening  contributed  little  to  that  conviction. 
It  was,  then,  amid  a  very  whirl  of  anticipated  pleasures,  and  new 
schemes  for  enjoying  life,  that  I  sat  down  to  breakfast,  at  which, 
that  I  might  lose  no  time  in  commencing  my  race,  I  had  ordered 
the  most  exquisite  viands  which  even  French  cookery  could  accom- 
plish for  the  occasion. 

My  plans  were  soon  decided  upon.  I  resolved  to  remain  only 
long  enough  in  Paris  to  provide  myself  with  a  comfortable  travel- 
ling carriage,  secure  a  good  courier,  and  start  for  Baden,  when  I 
trusted  that  my  pretensions,  whatever  favor  they  might  have  been 
once  received  with,  would  certainly  now,  at  least,  be  listened  to 
with  more  prospect  of  being  successful. 

I  opened  the  GalignanVs  paper  of  the  day  to  direct  me  in  my 
search,  and  had  scarcely  read  a  few  lines  belbre  a  paragraph  caught 
my  eye  which  not  a  little  amused  me  ;  it  was  headed — Serious  Itiot 
at  the  Salon  dcs  Etrangers,  and  attempt  to  Rob  the  Bank  : 

"  Last  evening,  among  the  persons  who  presented  themselves  at 
the  table  of  this  fashionable  resort,  were  certain  individuals  who,  by 
their  manners  and  dress,  bespoke  anything  rather  than  the  rank 
and  condition  of  those  who  usually  resort  there,  and  whose  admis- 
sion is  still  unexplained,  notwithstanding  the  efforts  of  the  police  to 
unravel  the  mystery.  The  proprietors  of  the  bank  did  not  fail  to 
remark  these  persons,  but  scrupled,  from  fear  of  disturbing  the  pro- 
priety of  the  salon,  to  take  the  necessary  steps  for  their  exclusion, 
reserving  their  intention  to  the  adoption  of  precautions  against 
such  intrusion  in  future — unfortunately,  as  it  turned  out,  eventu- 
ally, for  towards  eleven  o'clock  one  of  these  individuals,  having 
lost  a  considerable  sum  at  play,  proceeded  in  a  very  violent  and 
outrageous  manner  to  denounce  the  bank,  and  went  so  far  as  to 
accuse  the  croupier  of  cheating.  This  language,  having  failed  to 
excite  the  disturbance  it  was  evidently  intended  to  promote,  was 
soon  followed  up  by  a  most  dreadful  personal  attack  upon  the 
banker,  in  which  he  was  thrown  from  his  seat,  and  the  cassette,  con- 
taining several  thousand  francs  in  gold  and  notes,  immediately  laid 
hold  of.  The  confusion  now  became  considerable,  and  it  was  appa- 
rent that  the  whole  had  been  a  preconcerted  scheme.  Several 
persons,  leaping  upon  the  table,  attempted  to  extinguish  the  great 
lustre  of  the  salon,  in  which  bold  attempt  they  were  most  spiritedly 


256  HARRY  L  ORREQ  UER. 

resisted  by  some  of  the  other  players  and  the  gendarmes,  who  had 
by  this  time  arrived  in  force.  The  riot  was  quelled  after  a  pro- 
longed and  desperate  resistance,  and  the  rioters,  with  the  exception 
of  two,  were  captured  and  conveyed  to  prison,  where  they  await  the 
result  of  a  judicial  investigation,  of  which  we  shall  not  fail  to  lay 
the  particulars  before  our  readers. 

"  We  have  learned  that  one  of  the  ringleaders  in  this  vile  scheme 
is  a  noted  English  escroc — a  swindler,  who  was  already  arrested  at 

C for  travelling  with  a  false  passport,  but  who  contrives,  by 

some  collusion  with  another  of  the  gang,  to  evade  the  local  authori- 
ties. If  this  be  the  case,  we  trust  he  will  speedily  be  detected  and 
brought  to  punishment." 

Whatever  amusement  I  had  found  in  reading  the  commencing 
portion  of  this  ridiculous  misstatement,  the  allusion  in  the  latter 
part  by  no  means  afforded  me  equal  pleasure ;  and  I  saw  in  one 
rapid  glance  how  much  annoyance,  and  how  many  delays  and  im- 
pediments, a  charge  even  of  this  ridiculous  nature  might  give  rise  to 
in  my  present  circumstances.  "  My  passport,  however,  will  settle 
all,"  thought  I,  as  I  thrust  my  hand  towards  my  pocket,  in  which  I 
had  placed  it  along  with  some  letters. 

Guess  my  misery  to  discover  that  the  whole  of  the  pocket  had 
been  cut  away,  probably  in  the  hope  of  obtaining  the  hillets  de 
banque  I  had  won  at  play,  but  which  I  had  changed  from  that  pocket 
to  a  breast  one  on  leaving  the  table.  This  at  once  led  me  to  sus- 
pect that  there  might  be  some  truth  in  the  suspicion  of  the  news- 
paper writer  of  a  preconcerted  scheme,  and  at  once  explained  to 
me  what  had  much  puzzled  me  before — the  extreme  rapidity  with 
which  the  elements  of  discord  were  propagated,  for  the  whole  ailair 
was  the  work  of  a  few  seconds.  While  I  continued  to  meditate  on 
these  matters,  the  waiter  entered  with  a  small  note  in  an  envelope, 
which  a  commissionnaire  had  just  left  at  the  hotel  for  mo,  and 
went  away,  saying  there  was  no  answer.  I  opened  it  hastily,  and 
read : — 

"Dear  H.,— The  confounded  affair  of  last  night  has  induced 
me  to  leave  this  for  a  few  days ;  besides  that,  I  have  obtained  a 
most  excellent  reason  for  absenting  myself  in  the  presence  of  a 
black  eye,  which  will  prevent  my  appearance  in  public  for  a  week 
to  come.  As  you  are  a  stranger  here,  you  need  not  fear  being 
detected.  With  all  its  d^sagr^meyis,  I  can't  help  laughing  at  the 
adventure,  and  I  am  heartily  glad  to  have  had  the  opportunity  of 
displaying  old  Jackson's  science  upon  those  wretched  gendarmes. 

"  Yours  truly, 

"G.  L." 


PARIS.  257 

"This  certainly,"  thought  I,  "improves  my  position,  nere  is 
■my  cousin  Guy — the  ojily  one  to  whom,  in  any  doubt  or  ditficulty 
here,  I  could  refer — here  he  is,  flown,  without  letting  me  know 
where  to  address  him  or  find  him  out."  I  rang  my  boll  hastily, 
and  having  written  a  line  on  my  card,  requesting  Lord  Kilkee  to 
come  to  me  a.s  soon  as  he  could,  despatched  it  to  the  Rue  de  la 
Paix.  The  messenger  soon  returned  with  an  answer  that  Lord 
Kilkee  had  been  obliged  to  leave  Paris  late  the  evening  before, 
having  received  some  important  letters  from  Baden.  My  anxiety 
now  became  greater.  I  did  not  know  but  that  the  moment  I  ven- 
tured to  leave  the  hotel  I  should  be  recognized  by  some  of  the  wit- 
nesses of  the  evening's  fray ;  and  all  thoughts  of  succoring  poor 
O'Leary  were  completely  forgotten  in  my  fear  for  the  annoyances 
the  whole  of  this  ridiculous  affair  might  involve  me  in.  Without 
any  decision  as  to  my  future  steps,  I  dressed  myself,  and  proceeded 
to  pay  my  respects  to  Mrs.  Bingham  and  her  daughter,  who  were 
in  the  same  hotel,  and  whom  I  had  not  seen  since  our  arrival. 

As  I  entered  the  drawing-room,  I  was  surprised  to  find  Miss  Bing- 
ham alone.  She  appeared  to  have  been  weeping — at  least  the  eflbrts 
she  made  to  appear  easy  and  in  good  spirits  contrasted  a  good  deal 
with  the  expression  of  her  features  as  I  came  in.  To  my  inquiries 
for  Mrs.  Bingham,  I  received  for  answer  that  the  friends  Mrs.  Bing- 
ham had  expected  having  left  a  few  days  before  for  Baden,  she  had 
resolved  on  following  them,  and  had  now  merely  driven  out  to 
make  a  few  purchases  before  her  departure,  which  was  to  take  place 
in  the  morning. 

There  is  something  so  sad  in  the  thought  of  being  deserted  and 
left  by  one's  friends  under  any  circumstances,  that  I  cannot  express 
how  much  this  intelligence  affected  me.  It  seemed,  too,  like  the 
last  drop  of  bad  news  filling  up  the  measure,  that  I  was  to  be  sud- 
denly deprived  of  the  society  of  the  very  few  friends  about  me, 
just  as  I  stood  most  in  need  of  them. 

Whether  or  not  Miss  Bingham  noticed  my  embarrassment,  T  can- 
not say;  but  certainly  she  seemed  not  displeased,  and  there  was  in 
the  half-encouraging  tone  of  her  manner  something  which  led  me 
to  suspect  that  she  was  not  dissatisfied  with  the  impression  her 
news  seemed  to  produce  upon  me. 

Without  at  all  alluding  to  my  own  improved  fortune,  or  to  the 
events  of  the  preceding  night,  I  began  to  talk  over  the  coming 
journey,  and  expressed  my  sincere  regret  that,  having  lost  my  pass- 
port under  circumstances  which  might  create  some  delay,  I  could 
not  join  their  party  as  I  should  otherwise  have  done. 

Miss  Bingham  heard  this  speech  with  rather  more  emotion  than 
so  simple  a  declaration  was  calculated  to  produce;  and,  while  she 
17 


258  HARRY  L ORREQ UER, 

threw  down  her  eyes  beneath  their  long  dark  lashes,  and  colored 
slightly,  asked, — 

"  And  did  you  really  wish  to  come  with  us  ?" 

"  Undoubtedly,"  said  I. 

"  And  is  there  no  other  objection  than  the  passport?" 

''  None  whatever,"  said  I,  warming  as  I  spoke,  for  the  interest  she 
appeared  to  take  in  me  completely  upset  all  my  calculations ;  besides 
tliat,  I  had  never  seen  her  looking  so  handsome,  and  that,  as  the 
French  wisely  remark,  va\d  ioujours  quelque  chose. 

"  Oh,  then,  pray  come  with  us,  which  you  can  do,  for  mamma  has 
just  got  a  passport  for  her  nephew  along  with  her  own ;  and  as  we 
really  don't  want  him,  nor  he  us,  we  shall  both  be  better  pleased  to 
be  free  of  each  other,  and  you  can  easily  afterwards  have  your  own 
forwarded  to  Baden  by  post." 

*'  Ah,  but,"  said  I,  "  how  shall  I  be  certain,  if  I  take  so  flattering 
an  offer,  that  you  will  forgive  me  for  filling  up  the  place  of  the  dear 
cousin,  for,  if  I  conjecture  aright,  it  is  le  cher  Edouard  that  purposes 
to  be  your  companion." 

"  Yes,  you  have  guessed  quite  correctly ;  but  you  must  not  tax  me 
with  inconsistency,  but  really  I  have  grown  quite  tired  of  my  poor 
cousin  since  I  saw  him  last  night." 

"  And  you  used  to  admire  him  most  prodigiously." 

"  Well,  well,  that  is  all  true,  but  I  do  so  no  longer." 

"  Eh  !  perche  ?"  said  I,  looking  cunningly  in  her  eye. 

"  For  reasons  that  Mr.  Lorrequer  shall  never  know  if  he  has  to 
ask  them,"  said  the  poor  girl,  covering  her  eygs  with  her  hands,  and 
sobbing  bitterly. 

What  I  thought,  said,  or  did  upon  this  occasion,  with  all  my  most 
sincere  desire  to  make  a  "  clean  breast  of  it  in  these  Confessions,"  I 
know  not;  but  this  I  do  know,  that  two  hours  after,  I  found 
myself  still  sitting  upon  the  sofa  beside  Miss  Bingham,  whom  I 
had  been  calling  Emily  all  the  while,  and  talking  more  of  per- 
sonal matters  and  my  own  circumstances  than  is  ever  safe  or 
prudent  for  a  young  man  to  do  with  any  lady  under  the  age  of  his 
mother. 

All  that  I  can  now  remember  of  this  interview  is  the  fact  of  having 
arranged  my  departure  in  the  manner  proposed  by  Miss  Bingham — 
a  proposition  to  which  I  acceded  with  an  affectation  of  satisfaction 
that  I  fear  went  very  far  to  deceive  my  fair  friend.  Not  tliat  tlie 
pleasure  I  felt  in  the  prospect  was  altogetlier  feigned ;  but  certainly 
the  habit  of  being  led  away  by  the  whim  and  temper  bf  the  moment 
had  so  much  become  part  of  my  nature,  that  I  had  long  since  de- 
spaired of  ever  guarding  myself  against  the  propensity  I  had  ac- 
quired of  following  every  lead  which  any  one  might  throw  out  for 


\ 

PARIS.  259 

me.  And  thus,  as  poor  ITarry  Lorrequer  was  ever  the  first  man  to 
get  into  a  row  at  the  suggestion  of  a  friend,  so  lie  only  waited  the 
least  possible  pressing  on  any  occasion  to  involve  himself  in  any 
scrape  or  misfortune  that  presented  itself,  provided  there  was  only 
some  one  good  enough  to  advise  him  to  do  so. 

As  I  entered  my  own  room,  to  make  preparations  for  my  depart- 
ure, I  could  not  help  thinking  over  all  the  events  thus  crowded 
into  the  space  of  a  few  hours.  My  sudden  possession  of  wealth — 
my  prospects  at  Callonhy  still  undecided — m.y  scrape  at  the  salon — 
my  late  interview  with  Miss  Bingham,  in  which  I  had  only  stopped 
short  of  a  proposal  to  marry,  were  almost  sufficient  to  occupy  any 
reasonable  mind ;  and  so  I  was  beginning  to  suspect,  when  the  waiter 
informed  me  that  the  commissaire  of  police  was  in  waiting  below  and 
wished  to  speak  to  me.  Affecting  some  surprise  at  the  request, 
which  I  at  once  perceived  the  object  of,  I  desired  him  to  be  intro- 
duced. I  was  quite  correct  in  my  guess.  The  information  of  my 
being  concerned  in  the  affair  at  the  salon  had  been  communicated  to 
the  authorities,  and  the  commissaire  had  orders  to  obtain  bail  for  my 
appearance  at  the  Tribunal  de  Justice,  on  that  day  week,  or  commit 
me  at  once  to  prison.  The  commissaire  politely  gave  me  till  even- 
ing to  procure  the  required  bail,  satisfying  himself  that  he  could 
adopt  measures  to  prevent  my  escape,  and  took  his  leave.  He  had 
scarcely  gone  when  Mr.  Edward  Bingham  was  announced.  The 
reason  for  this  visit  I  could  not  so  easily  divine ;  but  I  had  little 
time  allowed  for  my  conjectures,  as  the  same  instant  a  very  smart, 
dapper  little  gentleman  presented  himself,  dressed  in  all  the  extra- 
vagance of  French  mode.  His  hair,  which  was  permitted  to  curl 
upon  his  shoulders,  was  divided  along  the  middle  of  the  head ;  his 
mustachios  were  slightly  upturned  and  carefully  waxed,  and  his 
small  chin-tuft  or  Henri  Quatre  most  gracefully  pointed ;  he  wore 
three  most  happily  contrasting  colored  waistcoats,  and  spurs  of 
glittering  brass.  His  visit  was  of  scarcely  five  minutes'  duration  ; 
but  was  evidently  the  opening  of  a  breaching  battery  by  the 
Bingham  family  in  all  form — the  object  of  which  I  could  at  least 
guess  at. 

My  embarrassments  w^ere  not  destined  to  end  here;  for  scarcely 
had  I  returned  Mr,  Bingham's  eighth  salutation  at  the  end  of  the 
staircase,  when  another  individual  presented  himself  before  me. 
This  figure  was  in  every  respect  the  opposite  of  my  last  visitor. 
Although  framed  perfectly  upon  the  late  Parisian  school  of  dandy- 
ism, his,  however,  was  the  Ecole  miliiaire.  Le  Capitaine  Eugene  de 
Joncourt — for  so  he  introduced  himself — was  a  portly  personage  of 
about  five-and-thirty  or  forty  years  of  age,  with  that  mixture  of 
bonhomie  and  ferocity  in  his  features  which  the  soldiers  of  Napoleon's 


260  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

army  either  aflPected  or  possessed  naturally.  His  features,  which 
were  handsome,  and  the  expression  of  which  was  pleasing,  were,  as 
it  seemed,  perverted  by  the  warlike  turn  of  a  most  terrific  pair  of 
whiskers  and  mustachios  from  their  naturally  good-humored  bent ; 
and  the  practised  frown  and  quick  turn  of  his  dark  eye  were  evi- 
dently only  the  acquired  advantages  of  his  military  career ;  a  hand- 
some mouth,  with  singularly  regular  and  good  teeth,  took  much 
away  from  the  stern  look  of  the  upper  part  of  his  face,  and  con- 
tributed, with  the  aid  of  a  most  pleasing  voice,  to  impress  you  in  his 
favor ;  his  dress  was  a  blue  braided  frock,  decorated  with  the  cordon 
of  the  Legion  ;  but  neither  these,  nor  the  clink  of  his  long  cavalry 
spurs,  were  necessary  to  convince  you  that  the  man  was  a  soldier ; 
besides  that,  there  was  that  mixture  of  urbanity  and  aplomb  in  his 
manner  which  showed  him  to  be  perfectly  accustomed  to  the  usages 
of  the  best  society. 

"  May  I  beg  to  know,"  said  he,  as  he  seated  himself  slowly,  "  il 
this  card  contains  your  name  and  address  ?"  handing  me  at  the  same 
moment  one  of  my  visiting  cards.  I  immediately  replied  in  the 
affirmative. 

"  You  are  in  the  English  service  ?" 

"  Yes." 

"  Then,  may  I  entreat  your  pardon  for  the  trouble  of  these  ques- 
tions, and  explain  the  reason  of  my  visit  ?  I  am  the  friend  of  Le 
Baron  d'Haulpenne,  with  whom  you  had  the  altercation  last  night 
at  the  salon,  and  in  whose  name  I  have  come  to  request  the  address 
of  a  friend  on  your  part." 

"  Ho,  ho,"  thought  I,  "  the  Baron  is  then  the  stout  gentleman  that 
I  pummelled  so  unmercifully  near  the  window ;  but  how  came  he  by 
my  card  ?  and  besides,  in  a  row  of  that  kind,  I  am  not  aware  how 
far  the  matter  can  be  conceived  to  go  farther  than  what  happens  at 
the  moment."  These  were  the  thoughts  of  a  second  of  time,  and 
before  I  could  reply,  the  captain  resumed,— 

"  You  seem  to  have  forgotten  the  circumstance,  and  so,  indeed, 
should  I  like  to  do ;  but,  unfortunately,  D'Haulpenne  says  that  you 
struck  him  with  your  walking-cane,  so  you  know,  under  such  a  state 
of  things,  there  is  but  one  course." 

"  But  gently,"  added  I,  "  I  had  no  cane  whatever  with  me  last 
evening." 

"  Oh  !  I  beg  pardon,"  interrupted  he ;  "  but  my  friend  is  most  posi- 
tive in  his  account,  and  describes  the  altercation  as  having  continued 
from  the  salon  to  the  street,  when  you  struck  him,  and  at  the  same 
time  threw  him  your  card.  Two  of  your  officers  were  also  present  ; 
and  although,  as  appears  from  your  present  forgctfulness,  the  thing 
took  place  in  the  heat  and  excitement  of  the  moment,  still " 


PARIS.  2G1 

"  But  ptill,"  said  T,  catching  up  his  last  words,  "I  never  did  strike 
the  gentleman  as  you  describe,  never  had  any  altercation  in  the 
street — and " 

"  Is  that  your  address  ?"  said  the  Frenchman,  with  a  slight  bow. 

"  Yes ;  certainly  it  is." 

"  Why,  then,"  said  he,  with  a  mild  curl  of  his  upper  lip,  half 
smile,  half  derision 

"  Why,  then,  make  yourself  perfectly  easy,"  I  replied.  "  If  any 
one  has  by  an  accident  made  use  of  my  name,  it  shall  not  suffer  by 
such  a  mistake.  I  shall  be  quite  at  your  service  the  moment  I  can 
find  out  a  friend  to  refer  you  to." 

I  had  much  difficulty  to  utter  these  few  words  with  a  suitable 
degree  of  temper,  so  stung  was  I  by  the  insolent  demeanor  of  the 
Frenchman,  whose  coolness  and  urbanity  seemed  only  to  increase 
every  moment. 

"  Then  I  have  the  honor  to  salute  you,"  said  he,  rising  with  great 
mildness  in  his  voice ;  "  and  shall  take  the  liberty  to  leave  my  card 
for  the  information  of  your  friend." 

So  saying,  he  placed  his  card  upon  the  table,  "  Le  Capitaine 
Eugene  de  Joncourt,  Cuirassiers  de  la  Garde." 

"  I  need  not  press  upon  Monsieur  the  value  of  despatch." 

"  I  shall  not  lose  a  moment,"  said  I,  as  he  clattered  down  the 
stairs  of  the  hotel,  with  that  perfect  swaggering  nonchalance  which 
your  foreigner  is  always  an  adept  in ;  and  I  returned  to  my  room  to 
meditate  upon  my  numerous  embarrassments,  and  think  over  the 
difficulties  which  every  moment  was  contributing  to  increase  the 
number  of. 

"  The  indictment  has  certainly  many  counts,"  thought  I. 

Imprimis:  a  half-implied,  but  fully  comprehended,  promise  to 
marry  a  young  lady,  with  whom,  I  confess,  I  only  intend  to  journey 
this  life — as  far  as  Baden. 

Secondly:  a  charge  of  swindling  —  for  such  the  imputation 
amounts  to — at  the  salon. 

Thirdly :  another  unaccountable  delay  in  joining  the  Callonbys, 
with  whom  I  am  every  hour  in  the  risk  of  being  compromis ;  and, 
lastly,  a  duel  in  perspective  with  some  confounded  Frenchman,  who 
is  at  this  moment  practicing  at  a  pistol  gallery. 

Such  were  the  heads  of  my  reflections,  and  such  the  agreeable 
impressions  my  visit  to  Paris  was  destined  to  open  with;  how  they 
were  to  be  followed  up  remains  to  be  told. 


262  HARE  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

CHAPTEE   XXX. 

CAPTAIN  TREV anion's  ADVENTURE. 

THE  day  was  now  waning  apace,  and  I  was  still  unprovided 
with  any  one  who  could  act  as  my  second.  I  set  out  upon 
a  search  through  the  various  large  hotels  in  the  neighbor- 
hood, trusting  that  amid  my  numerous  acquaintance  I  should  be 
fortunate  enough  to  find  some  of  them  at  Paris.  With  a  most 
anxious  eye  I  scanned  the  list  of  arrivals  at  the  usual  haunts  of  my 
countrymen,  in  the  Rue  Rivoli  and  the  Place  Vendome,  but  with- 
out success ;  there  were  long  catalogues  of  "  Milors"  with  their 
"  couriers,"  &c.,  but  not  one  name  known  to  me  in  the  number. 

I  repaired  to  Galignani's  Library,  which,  though  crowded  as  ever 
with  English,  did  not  present  to  me  one  familiar  face.  From  thence 
I  turned  into  the  Palais  Royal,  and  at  last,  completely  jaded  by 
walking,  and  sick  from  disappointment,  I  sat  down  upon  a  bench  in 
the  Tuileries  Gardens. 

I  had  scarcely  been  there  many  minutes  when  a  gentleman 
accosted  me  in  English,  saying,  "  May  I  ask  if  this  be  your  pro- 
perty?" showing,  at  the  same  time,  a  pocket-book  which  I  had  inad- 
vertently dropped  in  pulling  out  my  handkerchief  As  I  thanked 
him  for  his  attention,  and  was  about  to  turn  away,  I  perceived  that 
he  continued  to  look  very  steadily  at  me.     At  length  he  said, — 

"  I  think  I  am  not  mistaken ;  I  have  the  pleasure  to  see  Mr. 
Lorrequer,  who  may,  perhaps,  recollect  my  name,  Trevanion,  of  the 
43d.    The  last  time  we  met  was  at  Malta." 

"Oh,  I  remember  perfectly.  Indeed,  I  should  be  very  ungrateful 
if  I  did  not ;  for  to  your  kind  offices  there  I  am  indebted  for  my 
life.     You  must  surely  recollect  the  street  row  near  the  battery?" 

"  Yes  ;  that  was  rather  a  brisk  affair  while  it  lasted ;  but,  pray, 
how  long  have  you  been  here  ?" 

"  Merely  for  a  few  days  ;  and  most  anxious  am  I  to  leave  as  soon 
as  possible ;  for,  independently  of  pressing  reasons  to  wish  myself 
elsewhere,  I  have  had  nothing  but  trouble  and  worry  since  my 
arrival,  and  at  this  instant  am  involved  in  a  duel,  without  the 
slightest  cause  that  I  can  discover,  and  what  is  still  worse,  without 
the  aid  of  a  single  friend  to  undertake  the  requisite  negotiation  for 


"  If  my  services  can  in  any  way  assist, " 

"  Oh,  my  dear  captain,  this  is  really  so  great  a  favor  that  I  cannot 
say  how  mucli  I  thank  you." 

"  Say  nothing  wliatever,  but  rest  quite  assured  that  I  am  com- 
pletely at  your  disposal ;  for  although  wc  are  not  very  old  friends. 


CAPTAIN  TliEVANION'S  ADVENTURE.  268 

yet  I  have  heard  so  much  of  you  from  some  of  ours,  that  I  feel  as 
if  we  had  been  long  acquainted." 

This  was  an  immense  piece  of  good  fortune  for  me ;  for  of  all  the 
persons  I  knew,  he  was  the  most  suited  to  aid  me  at  this  moment. 
In  addition  to  a  thorough  knowledge  of  the  Continent  and  its  habits, 
he  spoke  French  fluently,  and  had  been  the  most  distinguished 
authority  in  the  duello  to  a  large  military  acquaintance;  joining  to 
a  consummate  tact  and  cleverness  in  his  diplomacy  a  temper  that 
never  permitted  itself  to  be  ruffled,  and  a  most  unexceptionable 
reputation  for  courage.  In  a  word,  to  have  had  Trevanion  for  your 
second  was  not  only  to  have  secured  odds  in  your  favor,  but,  still 
better,  to  have  obtained  the  certainty  that,  let  the  affair  take  what 
turn  it  might,  you  were  sure  of  coming  out  of  it  with  credit. 

He  was  the  only  man  I  have  ever  met  with  who  had  much  mixed 
himself  in  transactions  of  this  nature  and  yet  never  by  any  chance 
had  degenerated  into  the  fire-eater.  More  quiet,  unassuming  man- 
ners it  was  impossible  to  meet  with,  and  in  the  various  anecdotes  I 
had  heard  of  him,  I  had  always  traced  a  degree  of  forbearance  that 
men  of  less-known  bravery  might  not  have  A'entured  to  practice. 
At  the  same  time,  when  once  roused  by  anything  like  premeditated 
insult,  or  predetermined  afl'ront,  he  became  almost  ungovernable, 
and  it  would  be  safer  to  beard  the  lion  in  his  den  than  cross  his 
path.  Among  the  many  stories — and  there  were  a  great  many 
current  in  his  regiment  concerning  him — there  was  one  so  singu- 
larly characteristic  of  the  man,  that,  as  I  have  passingly  mentioned 
his  name  here,  I  may  as  well  relate  it ;  at  the  same  time  premising 
that,  as  it  is  well  known,  I  may  only  be  repeating  an  often-heard 
tale  to  many  of  my  readers. 

When  the  regiment  to  which  Trevanion  belonged  became  part  of 
the  army  of  occupation  in  Paris,  he  was  left  at  Versailles,  seriously 
ill  from  the  effects  of  a  sabre-wound  he  received  at  Waterloo,  and 
from  which  his  recovery  at  first  was  exceedingly  doubtful.  At  the 
end  of  several  weeks,  however,  he  became  out  of  danger,  and  was 
able  to  receive  the  visits  of  his  brother  officers,  whenever  they  were 
fortunate  enough  to  obtain  a  day's  leave  of  absence  to  run  down 
and  see  him.  From  them  he  learned  that  one  of  his  oldest  friends 
in  the  regiment  had  fallen  in  a  duel,  during  the  time  of  his  illness, 
and  that  two  other  officers  were  dangerously  wounded,  one  of  whom 
was  not  expected  to  survive.  When  he  inquired  as  to  the  reasons 
of  these  many  disasters,  he  was  informed  that  since  the  entrance  of 
the  allies  into  Paris,  the  French  officers,  bbiling  with  rage  and 
indignation  at  their  recent  defeat,  and  smarting  under  the  hourly 
disgrace  which  the  presence  of  their  conquerors  suggested,  sought 
out   by  every  means   in   their  power   opportunities  of  insult,  but 


264  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

always  so  artfully  contrived  as  to  render  the  opposite  party  the 
challenger,  thus  reserving  to  themselves  the  choice  of  weapons. 
When,  therefore,  it  is  borne  in  mind  that  the  French  are  the  most 
expert  swordsmen  in  Europe,  little  doubt  can  exist  as  to  the  issue 
of  these  combats ;  and,  in  fact,  scarcely  a  morning  passed  without 
three  or  four  English  or  Prussian  officers  being  carried  through  the 
Barriere  de  I'Etoile,  if  not  dead,  at  least  seriously  v/ounded,  and 
condemned  to  carry  with  them  through  life  the  inflictions  of  a  san- 
guinary and  savage  spirit  of  vengeance. 

While  Trevanion  listened  to  this  sad  recital, — and  scarcely  did  a 
day  pass  without  adding  to  the  long  catalogue  of  disasters, — he  at 
once  perceived  that  the  quiet  deportment  and  unassuming  demeanor 
which  so  strongly  characterizes  the  English  officer  were  construed 
by  their  French  opponents  into  evidences  of  want  of  courage,  and 
saw  that  to  so  systematic  a  plan  for  slaughter  no  common  remedy 
could  be  applied,  and  that  some  coup  d'itat  was  absolutely  necessary 
to  put  it  down  at  once  and  forever. 

In  the  history  of  these  sanguinary  rencontres  one  name  was  con- 
tinually recurring,  generally  as  the  principal,  sometimes  the  insti- 
gator of  the  quarrel.  This  was  an  officer  of  a  chasseur  regiment, 
who  had  the  reputation  of  being  the  best  swordsman  in  the  whole 
French  army,  and  was  no  less  distinguished  for  his  "  skill  at  fence" 
than  his  uncompromising  hatred  of  the  British,  with  whom  alone, 
of  all  the  allied  forces,  he  was  ever  known  to  come  in  contact.  So 
celebrated  was  the  "  Capitaine  Auguste  Gendemar"  for  his  pursuits, 
that  it  was  well  known  at  that  time  in  Paris  that  he  was  the  presi- 
dent of  a  duelling  club,  associated  for  the  express  and  avowed  object 
of  provoking  to  insult,  and  as  certainly  dooming  to  death,  every 
English  officer  upon  whom  they  could  fasten  a  quarrel. 

The  Caf6  Phillidor,  at  that  period  in  the  Rue  Vivienne,  was  the 
rendezvous  of  this  reputable  faction,  and  here  le  Capitaine  reigned 
supreme,  receiving  accounts  of  the  various  "affairs"  which  were 
transacting — counselling  and  plotting  for  the  future.  His  ascen- 
dency among  his  countrymen  was  perfectly  undisputed,  and  being 
possessed  of  great  muscular  strength,  with  that  peculiar  farouche 
exterior  without  which  courage  is  nothing  in  France,  he  was 
in  every  way  calculated  for  the  infamous  leadership  which  he 
assumed. 

It  was,  unfortunately,  to  this  same  caf6,  being  situated  in  what 
was  called  the  English  quarter,  that  the  officers  of  the  43d  regiment 
were  in  the  habit  of  resorting,  totally  unaware  of  the  plots  by  which 
they  were  surrounded,  and  quite  unsuspecting  the  tangled  web  of 
deliberate  and  cold-blooded  assassination  in  which  they  wore  in- 
volved, and  here  took  place  the  quarrel  the  result  of  which  was  the 


CAPTAIN  TREVANIOiPS  ADVENTURE.  265 

death  of  Trevanion's  friend,  a  young  officer  of  great  promise,  and 
universally  beloved  in  his  regiment. 

As  Trevanion  listened  to  these  accounts,  his  impatience  became 
daily  greater  that  his  weak  state  should  prevent  his  being  among 
his  brother  officers,  when  his  advice  and  assistance  were  so  impera- 
tively required,  and  where,  amid  all  the  solicitude  for  his  perfect 
recovery,  he  could  not  but  perceive  they  ardently  wished  for  his 
presence. 

The  day  at  last  arrived,  and  restored  to  something  like  his  former 
self,  Trevanion  once  more  appeared  in  the  mess-room  of  his  regi- 
ment. Amid  the  many  sincere  and  hearty  congratulations  on  his 
recovered  looks,  were  not  a  few  half-expressed  hints  that  he  should 
not  go  much  out  into  the  world  for  some  little  time  to  come.  To 
these  friendly  admonitions  Trevanion  replied  by  a  good-humored 
laugh,  and  a  ready  assurance  that  he  understood  the  intended  kind- 
ness, and  felt  in  nowise  disposed  to  be  invalided  again.  "  In  fact," 
said  he,  "I  have  come  up  here  to  enjoy  life  a  little,  not  to  risk  it; 
but  among  the  sights  of  your  gay  cai)ital,  I  must  certainly  have  a 
peep  at  your  famed  captain,  of  whom  I  have  heard  too  much  not  to 
feel  an  interest  in  him," 

Notwithstanding  the  many  objections  to  this,  made  with  a  view 
to  delay  his  visit  to  the  Phillidor  to  a  later  period,  it  was  at  length 
agreed  that  they  should  all  repair  to  the  cafe  that  evening,  but  upon 
the  express  understanding  that  every  cause  of  quarrel  should  be 
strictly  avoided,  and  that  their  stay  should  be  merely  sufficient  to 
satisfy  Trevanion's  curiosity  as  to  the  appearance  of  the  renowned 
captain. 

It  was  rather  before  the  usual  hour  of  the  cafe's  filling  that  a 
number  of  English  officers,  among  whom  was  Trevanion,  entered 
the  salon  of  the  Phillidor ;  having  determined  not  to  attract  any  un- 
usual attention,  they  broke  into  little  knots  and  parties  of  threes  and 
fours,  and  dispersed  through  the  room,  where  they  either  sipped 
their  coffee  or  played  at  dominoes,  then,  as  now,  the  staple  resource 
of  a  French  caf6. 

The  clock  over  the  compioir  struck  eight,  and  at  the  same  instant 
a  waiter  made  his  appearance,  carrying  a  small  table,  wliich  lie 
placed  beside  the  fire,  and,  having  trimmed  a  lamp,  and  placed  a 
large  arm-chair  before  it,  was  about  to  withdraw,  when  Trevanion, 
whose  curiosity  was  aroused  by  the  singularity  of  these  arrange- 
ments, determined  upon  asking  for  whose  comfort  they  were  in- 
tended. The  waiter  stared  for  a  moment  at  the  question,  with  au 
air  as  if  doubting  the  seriousness  of  him  who  put  it,  and  at  last 
replied,  "  Pour  Monsieur  le  Capiiaine,  je  crois,"  with  a  certain  tone  of 
significance  upon  the  latter  words. 


266  IIABE  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

"  Le  Capitaine  I  but  what  captain?"  said  he,  carelessly ;  "  for  I  am 
a  captain,  and  that  gentleman  there — and  there,  too,  is  another,"  at 
the  same  instant  throwing  himself  listlessly  into  the  well-cushioned 
chair,  and  stretching  out  his  legs  at  full  length  upon  the  hearth. 

The  look  of  horror  which  this  quiet  proceeding  on  his  part  elicited 
from  the  poor  waiter,  so  astonished  Trevanion,  that  he  could  not 
help  saying — "  Is  there  anything  the  matter  with  you,  my  friend  ? 
Are  you  ill?" 

"  No,  monsieur,  not  ill ;  nothing  the  matter  with  me;  but  you,  sir, 
oh,  you,  sir,  pray  come  away." 

"Me!"  said  Trevanion — "me!  why,  my  good  man,  I  was  never 
better  in  my  life;  so  now  just  bring  me  my  coffee  and  the  Moniteur, 
if  you  have  it ;  there,  don't  stare  that  Avay,  but  do  as  I  bid  you." 

There  was  something  in  the  assured  tones  of  these  few  words  that 
either  overawed  or  repressed  every  rising  feeling  of  the  waiter  for 
his  interrogator ;  for  silently  handing  his  coffee  and  the  newspaper, 
he  left  the  room,  not,  however,  without  bestowing  a  parting  glance 
so  full  of  terror  and  dismay  that  our  friend  was  obliged  to  smile  at 
it.  All  this  was  the  work  of  a  few  minutes,  and  not  until  the  noise 
of  new  arrivals  had  attracted  the  attention  of  his  brother  officers, 
did  they  perceive  where  he  had  installed  himself,  and  to  what 
danger  he  was  thus,  as  they  supposed,  unwittingly  exposed. 

In  perfect  misery  at  what  they  conceived  their  own  fault,  in  not 
apprising  him  of  the  sacred  character  of  that  place,  they  stood 
silently  looking  at  him  as  he  continued  to  sip  his  coffee,  apparently 
unconscious  of  everything  and  person  about  him. 

It  was  now,  however,  too  late  for  remonstrance;  for  already 
several  French  officers  had  noticed  the  circumstance,  and  by  their 
interchange  of  looks  and  signs,  openly  evinced  their  satisfaction  at 
it,  and  their  delight  at  the  catastrophe  which  seemed  inevitable  to 
the  luckless  Englishman. 

There  was  now  a  more  than  ordinary  silence  in  the  caf6,  which  at 
all  times  was  remarkable  for  the  quiet  and  noiseless  demeanor  of  its 
frequenters,  when  the  door  was  flung  open  by  the  ready  waiter,  and 
the  Capitaine  Auguste  Gendemar  entered.  He  was  a  largo  squarely- 
built  man  with  a  most  savage  exi)ression  of  countenance,  which  a 
bushy  beard  and  shaggy  overhanging  moustache  served  successfully 
to  assist;  his  eyes  were  shaded  by  deep,  projecting  brows,  and  long 
eyebrows  slanting  over  them,  and  increasing  their  look  of  piercing 
sharpness  ;  there  was  in  his  wliole  air  and  demeanor  that  certain 
French  air  of  swaggering  bullyism  which  ever  remained  in  those 
who,  having  risen  from  the  ranks,  maintained  tlie  look  of  ruffianly 
defiance  which  gave  their  early  character  for  courage  its  peculiar 
merit. 


CAPTAIN  TUEVANION'S  ADVENTUBE.  267 

To  the  friendly  salutations  of  his  countrymen  he  returned  the 
sliglitcst  and  coldest  acknowledgments,  throwing  a  glance  of  disdain 
around  him  as  he  wended  his  way  to  his  accustomed  jdace  beside 
the  lire ;  this  he  did  with  as  much  of  noise  and  swagger  as  he  could 
well  contrive ;  his  sabre  and  sabretasche  clanking  behind,  his  sjiurs 
jangling,  and  his  heavy  step,  made  purposely  heavier  to  draw  upon 
him  the  notice  and  attention  he  sought  for.  Trevauiou  alone  tes- 
tified no  consciousness  of  his  entrance,  and  appeared  totally  en- 
grossed by  the  columns  of  his  newspaper,  from  which  he  never 
lilted  his  eyes  for  an  instant.  Le  Capitaine  at  length  reached  the 
fireplace,  where,  no  sooner  did  he  behold  his  accustomed  seat  in  the 
possession  of  another,  than  he  absolutely  started  back  with  surprise 
and  anger. 

What  might  have  been  his  first  impulse  it  is  hard  to  say,  for,  as 
the  blood  rushed  to  his  face  and  forehead,  he  clenched  his  hands 
firmly,  and  seemed  for  an  instant,  as  he  eyed  the  stranger,  like  a 
tiger  about  to  spring  upon  its  victim ;  this  was  but  for  a  second,  for 
turning  rapidly  round  towards  his  friends,  he  gave  them  a  look  of 
peculiar  meaning,  showing  two  rows  of  white  teeth,  with  a  grin 
which  seemed  to  say,  "  I  have  taken  my  line ;"  and  he  had  done  so. 
He  now  ordered  the  waiter,  in  a  voice  of  thunder,  to  bring  him  a 
chair.  This  he  took  roughly  from  him  and  placed,  with  a  crash, 
upon  the  floor,  exactly  opposite  that  of  Trevanion,  and  still  so  near 
as  scarcely  to  permit  of  his  sitting  down  upon  it.  The  noisy  vehe- 
mence of  this  action  at  last  appeared  to  have  roused  Trevanion's 
attention,  for  he  now,  for  the  first  time,  looked  up  from  his  paper, 
and  quietly  regarded  his  vis-d-vis.  There  could  not  in  the  world  be 
a  stronger  contrast  to  the  bland  look  and  courteous  expression  of 
Trevanion's  handsome  features  than  the  savage  scowl  of  the  enraged 
Frenchman,  in  whose  face  the  strong  and  ill-repressed  workings  of 
passion  were  twitching  and  distorting  every  lineament  and  line; 
indeed  no  words  could  ever  convey  half  so  forcibly  as  did  that  look, 
insult — open,  palpable,  deep,  determined  insult  I 

Trevanion,  whose  eyes  had  been  merely  for  a  moment  lifted  from 
his  paper,  again  fell,  and  he  appeared  to  take  no  notice  whatever  of 
the  extraordinary  proximity  of  the  Frenchman,  still  less  of  the  sav- 
age and  insulting  character  of  his  looks. 

Le  Capitaine,  having  thus  failed  to  bring  on  the  explanation  he 
sought  for,  proceeded  to  accomplish  it  by  other  means;  for,  taking 
the  lamp,  by  the  light  of  which  Trevanion  was  still  reading,  ho 
placed  it  at  his  side  of  the  table,  and  at  the  same  instant  stretching 
across  his  arm,  he  plucked  the  newspaper  from  his  hand,  giving  at 
the  same  moment  a  glance  of  triumph  towards  the  bystanders,  as 
though  he  would  say,  "  You  see  what  he  must  submit  to."    Words 


268  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

cannot  describe  the  astonishment  of  the  British  officers,  as  they 
beheld  Trevanion,  under  this  gross  and  open  insult,  content  himself 
by  a  slight  smile  and  half  bow,  as  if  returning  a  courtesy,  and  then 
throw  his  eyes  downwards  as  if  engaged  in  deep  thought,  while  the 
triumphant  sneer  of  the  French,  at  this  unaccountable  conduct,  was 
absolutely  maddening  to  them  to  endure. 

But  their  patience  was  destined  to  submit  to  stronger  proof,  for  at 
this  instant  le  Capitaine  stretched  forth  one  enormous  leg,  cased  in 
his  massive  jack-boot,  and  with  a  crash  deposited  the  heel  upon  the 
foot  of  their  friend  Trevanion.  At  length  he  is  roused,  thought 
they,  for  a  slight  flush  of  crimson  flitted  across  his  cheek,  and  his 
upper  lip  trembled  with  a  quick  spasmodic  twitching;  but  both 
these  signs  were  over  in  a  second,  and  his  features  were  as  calm  and 
unmoved  as  before,  and  his  only  appearance  of  consciousness  of  the 
affront  was  given  by  his  drawing  back  his  chair  and  placing  his  legs 
beneath  it  as  if  for  protection. 

This  last  insult,  and  the  tame  forbearance  with  which  it  was  sub- 
mitted to,  produced  all  their  opposite  effects  upon  the  bystanders, 
and  looks  of  ungovernable  rage  and  derisive  contempt  were  every 
moment  interchanging;  indeed,  were  it  not  for  the  all-absorbing 
interest  which  the  two  great  actors  in  the  scene  had  concentrated 
upon  themselves,  the  two  parties  must  have  come  at  once  into  open 
conflict. 

The  clock  of  the  caf6  struck  nine,  the  hour  at  which  Gendemar 
always  retired,  so  calling  to  the  waiter  for  his  glass  of  brandy,  he 
placed  his  newspaper  upon  the  table,  and  putting  both  his  elbows 
upon  it,  and  his  chin  upon  his  hands,  he  stared  full  in  Trevanion's 
face,  with  a  look  of  the  most  derisive  triumph,  meant  to  crown  the 
achievement  of  the  evening.  To  this,  as  to  all  his  former  insults, 
Trevanion  appeared  still  insensible,  and  merely  regarded  him  with 
his  never-changing  half  smile.  The  brandy  arrived ;  le  Capitaine 
took  it  in  his  hand,  and  with  a  nod  of  most  insulting  familiarity, 
saluted  Trevanion,  adding  with  a  loud  voice,  so  as  to  be  heard  on 
every  side — "A  votre  courage,  Anglais."  He  had  scarcely  swallowed 
the  liquor,  when  Trevanion  rose  slowly  from  his  chair,  displaying  to 
the  astonished  gaze  of  the  Frenchman  the  immense  proportions  and 
gigantic  frame  of  a  man  well-known  as  the  largest  officer  in  the 
British  army ;  with  one  stride  he  was  beside  the  chair  of  the  French- 
man, and  with  the  speed  of  lightning  he  seized  his  nose  by  one 
hand,  while  with  the  other  he  grasped  his  lower  jaw,  and  wrench- 
ing open  his  mouth  with  the  strength  of  an  ogre,  he  spat  down  his 
throat. 

So  sudden  was  the  movement,  that  before  ten  seconds  had  elapsed 
all  was  over,  and  the  Frenchman  rushed  from  the  room,  holding 


DIFFICULTIES.  269 

the  fragments  of  his  jaw-bone  (for  it  was  fractured),  and  followed 
by  his  countrymen,  who  from  that  hour  deserted  the  Caf6  Phil- 
lidor;  nor  was  there  ever  any  mention  of  the  famous  captain  during 
the  stay  of  the  regiment  in  Paris. 


CHAPTER  XXXI. 

DIFFICULTIES. 

WHILE  we  walked  together  towards  Meurice's,  I  explained 
to  Trevanion  the  position  in  which  I  stood;  and  having 
detailed  at  full  length  the  row  at  the  salon,  and  the  im- 
prisonment of  O'Leary,  entreated  his  assistance  in  behalf  of  him,  as 
well  as  to  free  me  from  some  of  ray  many  embarrassments. 

It  was  strange  enough — though  at  first  so  pre  occupied  was  I  with 
other  thoughts,  that  I  paid  but  little  attention  to  it — that  no  part  of 
my  eventful  evening  seemed  to  make  so  strong  an  impression  on 
him  as  my  mention  of  having  seen  my  cousin  Guy,  and  heard  from 
him  of  the  death  of  my  uncle.  At  this  portion  of  my  story  he 
smiled,  with  so  much  significance  of  meaning,  that  I  could  not  help 
asking  his  reason. 

"  It  is  always  an  unpleasant  task,  Mr.  Lorrequcr,  to  speak  in  any 
way,however  delicately,  in  a  tone  of  disparagement  of  a  man's  rela- 
tive ;  and  therefore,  as  we  are  not  long  enough  acquainted " 

"  But  pray,"  said  I,  "  waive  that  consideration,  and  only  remember 
the  position  in  which  I  now  am.  If  you  know  anything  of  this 
business,  I  entreat  you  to  tell  me — I  promise  to  take  whatever  you 
may  be  disposed  to  communicate  in  the  same  good  part  it  is  in- 
tended." 

"Well,  then,  I  believe  you  are  right;  but  first,  let  me  ask  you, 
how  do  you  know  of  your  uncle's  death  ?  for  I  have  good  reason  to 
doubt  it." 

"  From  Guy  :  he  told  me  himself." 

"When  did  you  see  him,  and  where?" 

"  Wliy,  I  have  just  told  you  ;  I  saw  him  last  night  at  the  salon." 

"  And  could  you  not  be  mistaken?" 

"  Impossible !  Besides,  he  wrote  to  me  a  note  which  I  received 
this  morning — here  it  is." 

"  Hem — ha.  Well,  are  you  satisfied  that  it  is  his  handwriting?" 
said  Trevanion,  as  he  perused  the  note  slowly  twice  over. 

"  Why,  of  course — but  stop — you  are  right ;  it  is  not  his  hand, 
nor  do  I  know  the  writing,  now  that  you  direct  my  attention  to  it. 


270  EAIIR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

But  what  can  that  mean  ?  You  surely  do  not  suppose  that  I  have 
mistaken  any  one  for  him ;  for,  independent  of  all  else,  his  know- 
ledge of  my  family,  and  my  uncle's  affairs,  would  quite  disprove 
that." 

"This  is  really  a  complex  affair,"  said  Trevanion,  musingly. 
"  How  long  may  it  be  since  you  saw  your  cousin — before  last  night, 
I  mean  ?" 

"Several  years  ;  above  six,  certainly." 

"  Oh,  it  is  quite  possible,  then,"  said  Trevanion,  musingly ;  "  do 
you  know,  Mr.  Lorrequer,  this  affair  seems  more  puzzling  to  me 
than  to  you,  and  for  this  plain  reason — I  am  disposed  to  think  you 
never  saw  your  cousin  last  night." 

"  Why,  confound  it,  there  is  one  circumstance  that  I  think  may 
satisfy  you  on  that  head.  You  will  not  deny  that  I  saw  some  one 
who  very  much  resembled  him  ;  and,  certainly,  as  he  lent  me  above 
three  thousand  francs  to  play  with  at  the  table,  it  looks  rather  more 
like  his  act  than  that  of  a  perfect  stranger." 

"  Have  you  got  the  money  ?"  asked  Trevanion,  dryly. 

"  Yes,"  said  I ;  "  but  certainly  you  are  the  most  unbelieving  of 
mortals,  and  I  am  quite  happy  that  I  have  yet  in  my  possession  two 
of  the  billets  de  banque,  for  I  suppose  without  them  you  would 
scarcely  credit  me."  I  here  opened  my  pocket-book,  and  produced 
the  notes. 

He  took  them,  examined  them  attentively  for  an  instant,  held 
them  between  him  and  the  light,  refolded  them,  and,  having  placed, 
them  in  my  pocket-book,  said,  "  I  thought  as  much — they  are 
forgeries." 

"  Hold !"  said  I ;  "  my  cousin  Guy,  whatever  wildness  he  may 
have  committed,  is  yet  totally  incapable  of " 

"  I  never  said  the  contrary,"  replied  Trevanion,  in  the  same  dry- 
tone  as  before. 

"  Then  what  can  you  mean,  for  I  see  no  alternative  between  that 
and  totally  discrediting  the  evidence  of  my  senses  ?" 

"  Perhaps  I  can  suggest  a  middle  course,"  said  Trevanion ;  "  lend 
mc,  therefore,  a  patient  hearing  for  a  few  moments,  and  I  may  bo 
able  to  throw  some  light  upon  this  difficult  matter.  You  may  never 
have  heard  that  there  is  in  this  same  city  of  Paris  a  person  so  ex- 
tremely like  your  cousin  Guy,  that  his  most  intimate  friends  have 
daily  mistaken  one  for  the  other,  and  this  mistake  has  the  more 
often  been  made  from  the  circumstances  of  their  both  being  in  the 
habit  of  frequenting  the  same  class  of  society,  where,  knowing  and 
walking  with  the  same  people,  tlie  difficulty  of  discriminating  has 
been  greatlj''  increased.  This  individual,  who  has  too  many  aliases 
for  one  to  know  which  to  particularize  him  by,  is  one  of  that 


DIFFICULTIES.  271 

numerous  order  of  bcing3  which  a  high  state  of  civilization  is 
always  engcudcring  and  throwing  up  on  the  i^urfacc  of  society ;  he 
is  a  man  of  low  birth  and  mean  connections,  but  gifted  with  most 
taking  manners  and  an  unexceptionable  address  and  appearance. 
These  advantages,  and  the  possession  of  apparently  independent 
means,  have  opened  to  him  the  access  to  a  certain  set  of  people, 
who  are  well  known  and  well  received  in  society,  and  obtained  for 
him,  what  he  prizes  much  more,  the  admission  into  several  clubs 
where  high  play  is  carried  on.  In  this  mixed  assemblage,  which 
sporting  habits  and  gambling  (that  grand  leveller  of  all  distinctions) 
have  brought  together,  this  man  and  your  cousin  Guy  met  fre- 
quently, and  from  the  constant  allusion  to  the  wonderful  resem- 
blance between  them,  your  eccentric  cousin,  who,  I  must  say,  was 
never  too  select  in  his  acquaintances,  frequently  amused  himself  by 
practical  jokes  upon  his  friends,  which  served  still  more  to  nurture 
the  intimacy  between  them  ;  and  from  this  habit  Mr.  Dudley  More- 
wood — for  such  is  his  latest  patronymic — must  have  enjoyed  fre- 
quent opportunities  of  hearing  much  of  your  family  and  relations, 
a  species  of  information  he  never  neglected,  though  at  the  moment 
it  might  appear  not  so  immediately  applicable  to  his  purposes. 
Now,  this  man,  who  knows  of  every  new  English  arrival  in  Paris 
with  as  much  certainty  as  the  police  itself,  would  at  once  be  aware 
of  your  being  here,  and  having  learned  from  Guy  how  little  inter- 
course there  had  been  of  late  years  between  you,  would  not  let 
slip  an  opportunity  of  availing  himself  of  the  likeness  if  anything 
could  thereby  turn  to  his  profit." 

"  Stop!"  cried  I ;  "you  have  opened  my  eyes  completely,  for  now 
I  remenil)cr  that,  as  I  continued  to  win  last  night,  this  man,  who 
was  playing  hazard  at  another  table,  constantly  borrowed  from  me, 
but  always  in  gold,  invariably  refusing  the  bank-notes  as  too  high 
for  his  game." 

"There  his  object  was  clear  enough;  for,  besides  obtaining  yowr 
gold,  he  made  you  the  means  of  disseminating  his  false  billets  de 
banque." 

"  So  that  I  have  been  actually  playing  and  winning  upon  this 
fellow's  forgeries,"  said  I;  "and  am  perhaps  at  this  very  instant 
inscribed  in  the  Livre  noir  of  the  police  as  a  most  accomplished 
swindler ;  but  what  could  be  the  intention  of  his  note  this  morn- 
ing ?" 

"  As  to  that,"  said  Trevanion,  "  it  is  hard  to  say ;  one  thing  you 
may  assuredly  rely  upon — it  is  not  an  unnecessary  epistle,  whatever 
be  its  object;  he  never  wastes  his  powder  when  the  game  flies  too 
high ;  so  we  must  only  wait  patiently  for  the  unravelmcnt  of  his 
plans,  satisfied  that  we  at  least  know  something.     What  most  sur- 


272  EARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

prises  me  is,  his  venturing  at  present  to  appear  in  public ;  for  it  is 
not  above  two  months  since  an  escapade  of  his  attracted  so  much 
attention  in  the  play  world  here,  that  he  was  obliged  to  leave,  and 
it  was  supposed  that  he  would  never  return  to  Paris." 

"One  piece  of  good  fortune  there  is  at  least,"  said  I,  "which,  I 
can  safely  say,  repays  me  for  any  and  all  the  annoyance  this 
unhappy  afiair  may  cause  me ;  it  is,  that  my  poor  old  uncle  is  still 
alive  and  well.  Not  all  my  anticipated  pleasures  in  newly-acquired 
wealth  could  have  afforded  me  the  same  gratification  that  this  fact 
does,  for  although  never  so  much  his  favorite  as  my  cousin,  yet  the 
sense  of  protection — the  feeling  of  confidence,  which  is  inseparable 
from  the  degree  of  relationship  between  us — standing,  as  he  has 
ever  done,  in  the  light  of  a  father  to  me,  is  infinitely  more  pleasur- 
able than  the  possession  of  riches,  which  must  ever  suggest  to  me 
the  recollection  of  a  kind  friend  lost  to  me  forever.  But  so  many- 
thoughts  press  on  me — so  many  effects  of  this  affair  are  staring 
me  in  the  face — I  really  know  not  which  way  to  turn,  nor  can  I 
even  collect  my  ideas  sufficiently  to  determine  what  is  first  to  be 
done." 

"  Leave  all  that  to  me,"  said  Trevanion ;  "  it  is  a  tangled  web, 
but  I  think  I  can  unravel  it ;  meanwhile,  where  does  the  captain 
reside  ?  for,  among  all  your  pressing  engagements,  this  affair  with 
the  Frenchman  must  come  off  first ;  and  for  this  reason,  although 
you  are  not  really  obliged  to  give  him  satisfaction,  by  his  merely 
producing  your  card,  and  insisting  that  you  are  to  be  responsible 
for  the  misdeeds  of  any  one  who  might  show  it  as  his  own  address, 
yet  I  look  upon  it  as  a  most  fortunate  thing,  while  charges  so  heavy 
may  be  at  this  moment  hanging  over  your  head,  as  the  proceedings 
of  last  night  involve,  that  you  have  a  public  opportunity  of  meet- 
ing an  antagonist  in  the  field — thereby  evincing  no  fear  of  publicity, 
nor  any  intention  of  absconding ;  for  be  assured  that  the  police  are 
at  this  moment  in  possession  of  what  has  occurred,  and  from  the 
fracas  which  followed,  are  well  disposed  to  regard  the  whole  aa  a 
concerted  scheme  to  seize  upon  the  property  of  the  banque — a  not 
uncommon  wind-up  here  when  luck  fails.  My  advice  is,  therefore, 
meet  the  man  at  once ;  I  shall  take  care  that  the  Prefect  is  informed 
that  you  have  been  imposed  upon  by  a  person  passing  himself  oft' 
as  your  relative,  and  enter  bail  for  your  appearance,  whenever  you 
are  called  upon  ;  that  being  done,  we  shall  have  time  for  a  moment's 
respite  to  look  around  us,  and  consider  the  other  bearings  of  this 
diflScult  business." 

"  Here,  then,  is  the  card  of  address,"  said  I :  "  Eugfene  de  Jon- 
court,  Capitainc  de  Cavalerio,  No.  8,  Chauss^e  d'Antin." 

"De  JoncourtI  why,  confound  it,  this  is  not  so  pleasant;  lie  ia 


EXPLANA  TION.  273 

about  the  best  shot  in  Paris,  and  a  very  steady  swordsman  besides. 
I  don't  like  this." 

"  But  you  forget  he  is  the  friend,  not  the  principal  here." 

"The  more  good  fortune  yours,"  said  Trevan ion,  dryly ;  "for  I 
acknowledge  I  should  not  give  much  for  your  chance  at  twenty 
paces  opi)osite  his  pistol ;  then,  who  is  the  other  ?" 

"  Le  Baron  d'Haulpenne,"  said  I,  "  and  his  name  is  all  that  I 
know  of  him ;  his  very  appearance  is  unknown  to  me." 

"I  believe  I  am  acquainted  with  him,"  said  Trevanion  ;  "but 
here  we  are  at  Mcu rice's.  Now  I  shall  just  write  a  few  lines  to  a 
legal  friend,  who  will  manage  to  liberate  Mr.  O'Leary,  whose  ser- 
vices we  shall  need — two  persons  are  usual  on  each  side  in  this 
country — and  then,  '  to  business.'  " 

The  note  written  and  despatched,  Trevanion  jumped  into  a  cab, 
and  set  out  for  the  Chauss6e  d'Antin,  leaving  me  to  think  over,  as 
well  as  I  could,  the  mass  of  trouble  and  confusion  in  which  twenty- 
four  hours  of  life  in  Paris  had  involved  me. 


CHAPTER  XXXII. 

EXPLANATION. 

IT  was  past  seven  o'clock  when  Trevanion  made  his  appearance, 
accompanied  by  O'Leary;  and  having  in  a  few  words  informed 
me  that  a  meeting  was  fixed  for  the  following  morning  near 
St.  Cloud,  proposed  that  we  should  at  once  go  to  dinner  at  V6ry's, 
after  which  we  should  have  plenty  of  time  to  discuss  the  various 
steps  to  be  taken.  As  we  were  leaving  the  hotel  for  this  purpose,  a 
waiter  requested  of  me  to  permit  Mr.  Meurice  to  speak  a  few  words 
to  me ;  having  agreed  to  this,  I  entered  the  little  bureau  where  this 
czar  of  hotels  sits  enthroned,  and  what  was  my  surprise  to  learn  the 
request  he  had  to  prefer  was  nothing  less  than  that  I  would  so  far 
oblige  him  as  to  vacate  the  apartment  I  possessed  in  the  hotel,  adding 
that  my  compliance  would  confer  upon  him  the  power  to  accommo- 
date a  "Milord,"  who  had  written  for  apartments,  and  was  coming 
Avith  a  large  suite  of  servants.  Suspecting  that  some  rumor  of  the 
late  affair  at  Frascati's  might  have  influenced  my  friend  Meurice  in 
this  unusual  demand,  I  abruptly  refused,  and  was  about  to  turn 
away,  when  he,  perhaps  guessing  that  I  had  not  believed  his  state- 
ments, handed  me  an  open  letter,  saying,  "  You  see,  sir,  this  is  the 
letter ;  and  as  I  am  so  pressed  for  spare  room,  I  must  now  refuse 
the  writer." 
18 


274  HARRY  LORREQVER. 

As  my  eye  glanced  at  the  writing,  I  started  back  with  amazement 
to  perceive  it  was  in  my  cousin  Guy's  hand,  requesting  that  apart- 
ments might  be  retained  for  Sir  Guy  Lorrequer,  my  uncle,  who  was 
to  arrive  in  Paris  by  the  end  of  the  week.  If  any  doubt  had  re- 
mained on  my  mind  as  to  the  deception  I  had  been  duped  by,  this 
would  completely  have  dispelled  it,  but  I  had  long  before  been  con- 
vinced of  the  trick,  and  only  wondered  how  the  false  Guy — Mr. 
Dudley  Morewood — had  contrived  to  present  himself  to  me  so 
opportunely,  and  by  what  means,  in  so  short  a  space  of  time,  he  had 
become  acquainted  with  my  personal  appearance. 

As  I  mentioned  this  circumstance  of  the  letter  to  Trevanion,  he 
could  not  conceal  his  satisfaction  at  his  sagacity  in  unravelling  the 
mystery,  while  this  new  intelligence  confirmed  the  justness  and 
accuracy  of  all  his  explanations. 

As  we  walked  along  towards  the  Palais  Royal,  Trevanion  endeav- 
ored, not  very  successfully,  to  explain  to  my  friend  O'Leary  the 
nature  of  the  trick  which  had  been  practiced,  promising  at  another 
time  some  revelations  concerning  the  accomplished  individual  who 
had  planned  it,  which  in  boldness  and  daring  eclipsed  even  this. 

Any  one  who  in  waking  has  had  the  confused  memory  of  a  dream 
in  which  events  have  been  so  mingled  and  mixed  as  to  present  no 
uniform  narrative,  but  only  a  mass  of  strange  and  incongruous  occur- 
rences, without  object  or  connection,  may  form  some  notion  of  the 
state  of  restless  excitement  my  brain  suffered  from,  as  the  many  and 
conflicting  ideas  my  late  adventures  suggested  presented  themselves 
to  my  mind  in  rapid  succession. 

The  glare,  the  noise,  and  the  clatter  of  a  French  caf6  are  certainly 
not  the  agents  most  in  request  for  restoring  a  man  to  the  enjoyment 
of  his  erring  faculties.  If  I  felt  addled  and  confused  before,  I  had 
scarcely  passed  the  threshold  of  V6ry's  when  I  became  absolutely 
like  one  in  a  trance.  The  large  salon  was  more  than  usually 
crowded,  and  it  was  with  difficulty  that  we  obtained  a  place  at  a 
table  where  some  other  Englishmen  were  seated,  among  whom  I 
recognized  my  lately-made  acquaintance,  Mr.  Edward  Bingham. 

Excepting  a  cup  of  coffee,  I  had  taken  nothing  the  entire  day,  and 
so  completely  did  my  anxieties  of  different  kinds  subdue  all  appe- 
tite, that  the  most  exquisite  viands  of  this  well-known  restaurant  did 
not  in  the  least  tempt  me.  The  champagne  alone  had  any  attrac- 
tion for  me;  and,  seduced  by  the  icy  coldness  of  the  wine,  I  drank 
copiously.  This  was  all  that  was  wanting  to  complete  the  maddening 
confusion  of  my  brain,  and  the  effect  was  instantaneous ;  the  lights 
danced  before  my  eyes  ;  the  lustres  whirled  round  ;  and,  as  the  scat- 
tered fragments  of  conversation  on  either  side  met  my  ear,  I  was  able 
to  form  a  not  very  inaccurate  conception  of  what  insanity  might  be. 


EXPLANATION.  275 

Politics  and  literature,  ]\Iexican  bonds  and  Noblct's  legs,  Patios  de 
pcrdrcaux  and  the  quarantine  laws,  the  extreme  gauche  and  the  Hou- 
lette,  Victor  Hugo  and  Bougc  el  Noir,  had  formed  a  species  of  grand 
ballet  (Vaction  in  my  fevered  brain,  and  I  was  perfectly  beside  myself; 
occasionally,  too,  I  would  revert  to  my  own  concerns,  although  I 
was  scarcely  able  to  follow  up  any  train  of  thought  for  more  than  a 
few  seconds  together,  and  totally  inadequate  to  distinguish  the  false 
from  the  true.  I  continued  to  confound  the  counterfeit  with  my 
cousin,  and  wonder  how  my  poor  uncle,  for  whom  I  was  about  to 
put  on  the  deepest  mourning,  could  possibly  think  of  driving  me  out 
of  my  lodgings.  Of  my  duel  for  the  morning  I  had  the  most 
shadowy  recollection,  and  could  not  perfectly  comprehend  whether 
it  was  O'Leary  or  myself  who  was  the  principal,  and,  indeed,  cared 
but  little.  In  this  happy  state  of  independent  existence  I  must 
have  passed  a  considerable  time,  and  as  my  total  silence  when 
spoken  to,  or  my  irrelevant  answers,  appeared  to  have  tired  out  my 
companions,  they  left  me  to  the  uninterrupted  enjoyment  of  my  own 
pleasant  imaginings. 

"  Do  you  hear,  Lorrequer,"  at  last  said  Trevanion ;  "  are  you 
asleep,  my  dear  friend?  This  gentleman  has  been  good  enough  to 
invite  us  to  breakfast  to-morrow  at  St.  Cloud." 

I  looked  up,  and  was  just  able  to  recognize  the  well-trimmed  mous- 
tache of  Mr.  Edward  Bingham,  as  he  stood  mumbling  something 
before  me.     "  St.  Cloud— what  of  St.  Cloud  ?"  said  I. 

"  Wc  have  something  in  that  quarter  to-morrow." 

"  What  is  it,  O'Leary  ?     Can  we  go  ?" 
•    **  Oh  !  certainly.     Our  engagement  is  an  early  one." 

"  We  shall  accept  your  polite  invitation  with  pleasure " 

Here  he  stooped  over  and  whispered  something  in  my  ear — what, 
I  cannot  say :  but  I  know  that  my  reply,  now  equally  lost  to  me, 
produced  a  hearty  fit  of  laughing  to  my  two  friends. 

My  next  recollection  is  finding  myself  in  a  crowded  box  at  the 
theatre.  It  seems  that  O'Leary  had  acceded  to  a  proposal  from  some 
of  the  other  party  to  accompany  them  to  the  Porte  St.  Martin, 
■where  Mrs.  Bingham  and  her  daughter  had  engaged  a  box.  Amid 
all  the  confusion  which  troubled  thoughts  and  wine  produced  in 
me,  I  could  not  help  perceiving  a  studied  politeness  and  attention 
on  the  part  of  Mr.  Edward  Bingham  towards  me;  and  my  first 
sobering  reflection  came  on  finding  that  a  place  was  reserved  for  me 
beside  Miss  Bingham,  into  which,  by  some  contrivance  I  can  in 
nowise  explain,  I  found  myself  almost  immediately  installed.  To 
all  the  excitement  of  champagne  and  punch,  let  the  attractions  of  a 
French  ballet  be  added,  and  with  a  singular  pretty  companion  at 
your  side,  to  whom  you  have  already  made  sufficient  advances  to  be 


276  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

aware  that  you  are  no  longer  indifferent  to  her,  and  I  venture  to 
predict  that  it  is  much  more  likely  your  conversation  will  incline  to 
flirting  than  political  economy,  and,  moreover,  that  you  make  more 
progress  during  the  performance  of  one  single  pas  de  deux  upon  the 
stage,  than  you  have  hitherto  done  in  ten  morning  calls,  with  an 
unexceptionable  whisker,  and  the  best-fitting  gloves  in  Paris.  Alas  ! 
alas !  it  is  only  the  rich  man  that  ever  wins  at  rouge  et  noir.  The 
well-insured  Indiaman,  with  her  cargo  of  millions,  comes  safe  into 
port,  while  the  whole  venture  of  some  hardy  veteran  of  the  wave 
founders  within  sight  of  his  native  shore.  So  is  it  ever ;  where  suc- 
cess would  be  all  and  everything,  it  never  comes  ;  but  only  be  indif- 
ferent or  regardless,  and  fortune  is  at  your  feet,  suing  and  imploring 
your  acceptance  of  her  favors.  What  would  I  not  have  given  for 
one-half  of  that  solicitude  now  so  kindly  expressed  in  my  favor  by 
Miss  Bingham,  if  syllabled  by  the  lips  of  Lady  Jane  Callonby  !  How 
would  my  heart  have  throbbed  for  one  light  smile  from  one,  while 
I  ungratefully  basked  in  the  openly-avowed  preference  of  the  other  I 
These  were  my  first  thoughts — what  were  the  succeeding  ones  ? 

"  Elle  esH  iris  bienl"  said  a  Frenchwoman,  turning  round  in  the 
box  next  to  us,  and  directing  at  the  same  moment  the  eyes  of  a  mus- 
tachioed hero  upon  my  fair  companion. 

What  a  turn  to  my  thoughts  did  this  unexpected  ejaculation  give 
rise  to  I  I  now  began  to  consider  her  more  attentively,  and  certainly 
concurred  fully  in  the  Frenchwoman's  verdict.  I  had  never  seen 
her  look  half  so  well  before.  The  great  fault  in  her  features,  which 
were  most  classically  regular,  lay  in  the  monotony  and  uniform 
character  of  their  expression.  Now  this  was  quite  changed.  Her 
cheek  was  slightly  flushed,  and  her  eyes  more  brilliant  than  ever ; 
while  her  slightly  parted  lips  gave  a  degree  of  speaking  earnestness 
to  her  expression  that  made  her  perfectly  beautiful. 

Whether  it  was  from  this  cause  I  cannot  say,  but  I  certainly  never 
felt  so  suddenly  decided  in  my  life  from  one  course  to  its  very  oppo- 
site, as  I  now  did  to  pay  attention  to  my  lovely  companion.  And 
here  I  fear  I  miist  acknowledge,  in  the  honesty  of  these  confessional 
details,  that  vanity  had  also  its  share  in  the  decision.  To  be  the 
admitted  and  preferred  suitor  of  the  prettiest  woman  in  company, 
is  generally  a  strong  inducement  to  fall  desperately  in  love  with 
her,  independently  of  other  temptations  for  so  doing. 

How  far  my  successes  tallied  with  my  good  intentions  in  this 
respect,  I  cannot  now  say.  I  only  remember  that  more  than  once 
O'Leary  whispered  to  me  something  like  a  caution  of  some  sort  or 
other;  but  Emily's  encouraging  smiles,  and  still  more  encouraging 
speeches,  had  far  more  effect  upon  me  than  all  the  eloquence  of  the 
united  service,  had  it  been  engaged  in  my  behalf,  would  have 


EXPLANA  TION.  277 

efTectcd.  Mrs.  Bingham,  too, — who,  to  do  her  justice,  seemed  but 
little  cognizant  of  our  proceedings, — from  time  to  time  evinced  tliat 
species  of  motherly  satisfaction  wliich  very  young  men  much  rejoice 
in,  and  older  ones  are  considerably  alarmed  at. 

The  play  over,  O'Leary  charged  himself  with  the  protection  of 
madam,  while  I  enveloped  Emily  in  her  shawl,  and  drew  her  arm 
within  my  own.  What  my  hand  had  to  do  with  hers  I  knew  not ; 
it  remained  one  of  the  unexplained  difficulties  of  that  eventful 
evening.  I  have,  it  is  true,  a  hazy  recollection  of  pressing  some 
very  taper  and  delicately-formed  finger,  and  remember,  too,  the 
pain  I  felt  next  morning  on  awaking,  by  the  pressure  of  a  too  tight 
ring,  which  had  by  some  strange  accident  found  its  way  to  my 
finger,  for  wliich  its  size  was  but  ill  adapted. 

"You  will  join  us  at  supper,  I  hope,"  said  Mrs.  Bingham,  as 
Trevanion  handed  her  to  her  carriage.  "  Mr.  Lorrequer,  Mr. 
O'Leary,  we  shall  expect  you." 

I  was  about  to  promise  to  do  so,  when  Trevanion  suddenly  inter- 
rupted me,  saying  that  he  had  already  accepted  an  invitation  which 
would,  unfortunately,  prevent  us;  and  having  hastily  wished  the 
ladies  good-night,  he  hurried  me  away  so  abruptly,  that  I  had  not  a 
moment  given  for  even  one  parting  look  at  the  fair  Emily. 

"Why,  Trevanion,"  said  I,  "what  invitation  are  you  dreaming 
of?  I,  for  one,  should  have  been  delighted  to  have  gone  home  with 
the  Binghams." 

"  So  I  perceived,"  said  Trevanion,  gravely  ;  "  and  it  was  for  that 
precise  reason  I  so  firmly  refused  what,  individually,  I  might  have 
been  most  happy  to  accept." 

"  Then  pray  have  the  goodness  to  explain." 

"  It  is  easily  done.  You  have  already,  in  recounting  your  mani- 
fold embarrassments,  told  me  enough  of  these  people  to  let  me  see 
that  they  intend  you  should  marry  amongst  them  ;  and,  indeed,  you 
have  gone  quite  far  enough  to  encourage  such  an  expectation.  Your 
present  excited  state  has  led  you  sufficiently  far  this  evening,  and  I 
could  not  answer  for  your  not  proposing  in  all  forai  before  the 
supper  was  over;  therefore  I  had  no  other  course  open  to  me  than 
positively  to  refuse  Mrs.  Bingham's  invitation.  But  here  we  are 
now  at  the  '  Cadran  Rouge  ;'  we  shall  have  our  lobster  and  a  glass 
of  Moselle,  and  then  to  bed,  for  we  must  not  forget  that  we  are  to 
be  at  St.  Cloud  by  seven." 

"  Ah  I  that  is  a  good  thought  of  yours  about  the  lobster,"  said 
O'Leary ;  "  and  now,  as  you  understand  these  matters,  just  order 
supper,  and  let  us  enjoy  ourselves." 

With  all  the  accustomed  despatch  of  a  restaurant,  a  most  appetiz- 
ing little  supper  made  its  speedy  appearance ;  and  although  now 


278  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

perfectly  divested  of  the  high  excitement  which  had  hitherto  pos- 
sessed me,  my  spirits  were  excellent,  and  I  never  more  relished  our 
good  fare  and  good  fellowship. 

After  a  full  bumper  to  the  health  of  the  fair  Emily  had  been 
j)roposed  and  drained  by  all  three,  Trevanion  again  explained  how 
much  more  serious  difficulty  would  result  from  any  false  step  in 
that  quarter  than  from  all  other  scrapes  collectively. 

This  he  represented  so  strongly,  that  for  the  first  time  I  began  to 
perceive  the  train  of  ill  consequences  that  must  inevitably  result, 
and  promised  most  faithfully  to  be  guided  by  any  counsel  he  might 
feel  disposed  to  give  me. 

"  Ah !  what  a  pity,"  said  O'Leary,  "  it  is  not  my  case.  It's  very 
little  trouble  it  would  cost  any  one  to  break  off  a  match  for  7ne.  I 
had  always  a  most  peculiar  talent  for  those  things." 

"Indeed!"  said  Trevanion.  "Pray  may  we  know  your  secret? 
for  perhaps  ere  long  we  may  have  occasion  for  its  emj)loyment." 

"  Tell  it,  by  all  means,"  said  I. 

"  If  I  do,"  said  O'Leary,  "  it  will  cost  you  a  patient  hearing;  for 
my  experiences  are  connected  with  two  episodes  in  my  early  life, 
which,  although  not  very  amusing,  are  certainly  instructive." 

"  Oh  !  by  all  means  let  us  hear  them,"  said  Trevanion ;  "  for  we 
have  yet  two  bottles  of  Chambertin  left,  and  must  finish  them  ere 
we  part." 

"  Well,  agreed,"  said  O'Leary ;  "  only,  once  for  all,  as  what  I  am 
about  to  confide  is  strictly  confidential,  you  must  promise  never  even 
to  allude  to  it  hereafter  in  even  the  most  remote  manner,  much  less 
indulge  in  any  unseemly  mirth  at  what  I  shall  relate." 

Having  pledged  ourselves  to  secrecy  and  a  becoming  seriousness, 
O'Leary  then  began  his  story. 


CHAPTER  XXXIII. 

MR.  O'LEARY'S  first  LOVE. 

IT  was  during  the  viceroyalty  of  the  Duke  of  Richmond  that  the 
incidents  I  am  about  to  mention  took  place.  That  was  a  few 
years  since,  and  I  was  rather  younger,  and  a  little  more  par- 
ticular about  my  dress  than  at  present."  Here  the  little  man  threw 
a  calm  glance  of  satisfaction  upon  his  uncouth  habiliments,  that 
nearly  made  us  forget  our  compact,  and  laugh  outright.  "Well,  in 
those  wild  and  headstrong  days  of  youthful  ardor,  I  fell  in  love^ 
desperately  in  love — and  as  always  is,  I  believe,  the  case  with  our 


MR.  O'LEARY'S  FIRST  LOVE.  279 

early  experiments  in  that  unfortunate  passion,  the  object  of  my 
afl'ection  was  in  every  way  unsuitcd  to  me.  81ie  was  a  tall,  dark- 
haired,  dark-eyed  maiden,  witli  a  romantic  imagination,  and  a  kind 
of  a  half-crazed  poetic  fervor,  that  often  made  me  fear  for  her  Intel 
lect.  I'm  a  short,  rather  fat — I  was  always  given  this  way" — here  ho 
patted  a  waistcoat  that  would  fit  Daniel  Lambert — "  hai)py-niinded 
little  fellow,  that  liked  my  supper  of  oysters  at  the  *  Pigeon  House,' 
and  my  other  creature  comforts,  and  hated  everything  that  excited 
or  put  me  out  of  my  way,  just  as  I  would  have  hated  a  blister. 
Then,  the  devil  would  have  it — for  as  certainly  as  marriages  are 
made  in  heaven,  flirtations  have  something  to  say  to  the  other 
place — that  I  should  fall  most  irretrievably  in  love  with  Lady  Agnes 
Moreton.  Bless  my  soul,  it  absolutely  puts  me  in  a  perspiration, 
this  hot  day,  just  to  think  over  all  I  went  through  on  her  account; 
for,  strange  to  say,  the  more  I  appeared  to  prosper  in  her  good 
graces,  the  more  did  she  exact  on  my  part;  the  pursuit  was  like 
Jacob's  ladder  —  if  it  did  lead  to  heaven,  it  was  certainly  an 
awful  long  journey,  and  very  hard  on  one's  legs.  There  was  not 
an  amusement  she  could  think  of,  no  matter  how  unsuited  to  my 
tastes  or  my  abilities,  that  she  did  not  immediately  take  a  violent 
fancy  to ;  and  then  there  was  no  escaping,  and  I  was  at  once  obliged 
to  go  with  the  tide,  and  Heaven  knows  if  it  would  not  have  carried 
me  to  my  grave  if  it  were  not  for  the  fortunate  (I  now  call  it) 
accident  that  broke  off  the  affair  forever !  One  time  she  took  a 
fancy  for  yachting,  and  all  the  danglers  about  her — and  she  always 
had  a  cordon  of  them — young  aides-de-camp  of  her  father  the  general, 
and  idle  hussars,  in  cLanking  sabretasches  and  most  absurd  mus- 
tacliios — all  approved  of  the  taste,  and  so  kept  filling  her  mind  with 
anecdotes  of  corsairs  and  smugglers,  that  at  last  nothing  would 
satisfy  her  till  I — I,  who  always  would  rather  have  waited  for  low 
water,  and  waded  the  Liffey  in  all  its  black  mud,  than  cross  over 
in  the  ferry-boat,  for  fear  of  sickness — I  was  obliged  to  put  an 
advertisement  in  the  newspaper  for  a  pleasure-boat,  and  before 
three  weeks  saw  myself  the  owner  of  a  clinker-built  schooner,  of 
forty-eight  tons,  that  by  some  mockery  of  fortune  was  called  The 
Delight.  I  wish  you  saw  me,  as  you  might  have  done  every  morn- 
ing for  about  a  month,  as  I  stood  on  the  Custom-house  quay,  giving 
orders  for  the  outfit  of  the  little  craft.  At  first,  as  she  bobbed  and 
pitched  with  the  flood-tide,  I  used  to  be  a  little  giddy  and  rather 
qualmish,  but  at  last  I  learned  to  look  on  without  my  head  reeling. 
I  began  to  fancy  myself  very  much  of  a  sailor — a  delusion  con- 
siderably encouraged  by  a  huge  blue  jacket  and  a  sou'wester,  both 
of  which,  though  it  was  in  the  dog  days,  Agnes  insisted  upon  my 
wearing,  saying  I  looked  more  like  Dirk  Hatteraick,  who,  I  under- 


280  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

stood,  was  one  of  her  favorite  heroes  in  "Walter  Scott.  In  fact,  after 
she  suggested  this,  she  and  all  her  friends  called  me  nothing  but 
'  Dirk.' 

"Well,  at  last,  after  Heaven  knows  how  many  excuses  on  my 
part,  and  entreaties  for  delay,  a  day  was  appointed  for  our  first 
excursion.  I  shall  never  forget  that  day — the  entire  night  before  it 
I  did  not  close  my  eyes ;  the  skipper  had  told  me,  in  his  confounded 
sea-jargon,  that  if  the  wind  was  in  one  quarter  we  should  have  a 
short  tossing  sea ;  and  if  in  another,  a  long  rolling  swell ;  and  if  in 
a  third,  a  happy  union  of  both — in  fact,  he  made  it  out  that  it 
could  not  possibly  blow  right,  an  opinion  I  most  heartily  coincided 
in,  and  most  devoutly  did  I  pray  for  a  calm,  that  would  not  permit 
of  our  stirring  from  our  moorings,  and  thus  mar  our  projected 
party  of  pleasure.  My  prayer  was  unheard,  but  my  hopes  rose  on 
the  other  hand,  for  it  blew  tremendously  during  the  entire  night, 
and  although  there  was  a  lull  towards  morning,  the  sea,  even  in  the 
river,  was  considerable. 

"  I  had  just  come  to  the  conclusion  that  I  was  safe  for  this  time, 
when  the  mate  poked  his  head  into  the  room  and  said, — 

"  '  Mr.  Brail  wishes  to  know,  sir,  if  he'll  bend  the  new  mainsails 
to-day,  as  it's  blowing  rather  fresh,  and  he  thinks  the  spars  light.' 

"  *  Why,  the  devil  take  him,  he  would  not  have  us  go  out  in  a 
hurricane ;  surely.  Pipes,  we  could  not  take  out  ladies  to-day  V 

" '  Oh,  bless  your  heart,  yes,  sir ;  it  blows  a  bit  to  be  sure,  but 
she's  a  good  sea-boat,  and  we  can  run  for  Arklow  or  the  Hook,  if  it 
comes  fresher.' 

" '  Oh,  nonsense,  there's  no  pleasure  in  that ;  besides,  I'm  sure 
they  won't  like  it — the  ladies  won't  venture,  you'll  see.' 

" '  Ay,  sir,  but  they're  all  on  board  a'ready :  there's  eight  ladies 
in  the  cabin,  and  six  on  deck,  and  as  many  hampers  of  victuals  and 
as  much  crockery  as  if  we  were  goin'  to  Madeira.  Captain  Gran- 
tham, sir,  the  soldier  ofiicer,  with  the  big  beard,  is  a-mixing  punch 
in  the  grog-tub.' 

" '  From  the  consequences  of  this  day  T  proclaim  myself  inno- 
cent,' said  I,  with  a  solemn  voice,  as  I  drew  on  my  duck  trousers  and 
prepared  to  set  out. 

"  '  And  the  mainsail,  sir,'  said  the  mate,  not  understanding  what 
I  said. 

"  '  I  care  not  which,'  said  I,  doggedly ;  *  act  or  part  in  this  wilful 
proceeding  I'll  not  take.' 

"'Ay,  ay,  sir,'  said  the  stupid  wretch;  'then  I'll  say  you're 
a-coming,  and  he  may  stretch  the  large  canvas  ;  for  the  skipper  says 
he  likes  a  wet  jacket  when  he  has  gentlemen  out.' 

"  Never  did  a  victim  put  on  a  flame-colored  garment,  the  emblem 


MR.  O'LEAR  Y'S  FIRST  L  0  VE.  281 

of  fate,  and  set  out  on  the  march  of  death,  with  a  heavier  heart 
than  did  I  put  on  my  pilot-coat  that  morning  to  join  my  friends. 

"My  last  hope  deserted  me  as  I  saw  the  little  vessel  lying  beside 
the  quay ;  for  I  continued  to  trust  that  in  getting  out  from  the  dock 
some  accident  or  mischance  might  occur  to  spoil  our  sport.  But, 
no;  there  she  lay,  rolling  and  pitching  in  such  a  way  that,  even  at 
anchor,  they  could  not  stand  on  the  deck  without  holding.  Amid 
the  torrent  of  compliments  for  tlie  perfection  of  all  my  arrange- 
ments, and  innumerable  sweet  things  on  my  taste  in  the  decoration 
and  fitting  up  of  my  cabin,  I  scarcely  felt  myself  afloat  for  some 
minutes,  and  we  got  under  weigh  amid  a  noise  and  uproar  that 
absolutely  prevented  the  possibility  of  reflection. 

*'  Hitherto  our  destination  had  not  been  mentioned,  and  as  all 
the  party  appealed  to  Lady  Agnes,  I  could  not  be  less  gallant,  and 
joined  them  in  their  request. 

"'Well,  then,  what  do  you  think  of  Lambay?'  said  she,  looking 
at  the  same  moment  towards  the  skipper. 

" '  We  can  make  it,  my  lady,'  said  the  man ;  '  but  we'll  have  a 
roughish  sea  of  it,  for  there's  a  strong  point  of  westward  in  the 
wind.' 

"  'Then  don't  think  of  it,'  said  I.  '  We  have  come  out  for  plea- 
sure, not  to  make  our  friends  sick,  or  terrify  them.  It  does  very 
well  for  us  men.' 

"'There  you  are,  Dirk,  with  your  insolent  sneers  about  women's 
nerves  and  female  cowardice.  Now,  nothing  but  Lambay  will  con- 
tent me — what  say  you,  ladies?' 

"  A  general  reply  of  approval  met  this  speech,  and  it  was  carried 
by  acclamation. 

"  '  Lambay  then  be  it,'  said  I,  with  the  voice  of  a  man  who,  en- 
treating to  be  shot,  is  informed  that  he  cannot  be  afforded  that 
pleasure,  as  his  sentence  is  to  be  hanged.  But  I  must  hasten  over 
these  painful  recollections.  We  dropped  down  the  river,  and  soon 
left  the  lighthouse  and  its  long  pier  behind  us,  the  mast  bending 
like  a  whip,  and  the  sea  boiling  like  barm  over  the  lee  gunwale. 
Still  the  spirit  of  our  party  only  rose  the  lighter,  and  nothing  but 
eulogies  upon  the  trim  and  sailing  of  the  craft  resounded  on  all 
sides;  the  din  and  buzz  of  the  conversation  went  on  only  more 
loudly  and  less  restrictedly  than  if  the  party  had  been  on  shore,  and 
all,  even  myself,  seemed  happy,  for  up  to  this  moment  I  had  not 
been  sea-sick,  yet  certain  treacherous  sensations,  that  alternately 
evinced  themselves  in  my  stomach  and  my  head,  Avarned  me  of 
what  was  in  store  for  me.  The  word  was  now  given  to  tack  ;  I  was 
in  the  act  of  essaying  a  soft  speech  to  Lady  Agnes,  when  the  con- 
founded cry  came  of  '  Ready  about,  starboard  there,  let  go  sheets 


282  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

and  tacks,  stand  by,  haiil.'  The  vessel  plunged  head-foremost  into 
the  boiling  sea,  which  hissed  on  either  bow ;  the  heavy  boom  swung 
over,  carrying  my  hat  along  with  it — and  almost  my  head  too.  The 
rest  of  the  party,  possibly  better  informed  than  myself,  speedily 
changed  their  places  to  the  opposite  side  of  the  boat,  while  I  re- 
mained holding  on  fast  by  the  gunwale,  till  the  sea  rushing  over 
what  was  now  become  the  lee  side,  carried  me  head  over  heels  into 
the  shingle  ballast  in  the  waist.  Lord,  how  they  did  laugh  !  Agnes, 
too,  who  never  before  could  get  beyond  a  very  faint  smile,  grew 
almost  hysterical  at  my  performance.  As  for  me,  I  only  wanted 
this  to  complete  my  long-threatened  misfortune ;  sea-sickness,  in  all 
its  most  miserable  forms,  set  in  upon  me,  and  ere  half  an  hour  I  lay 
upon  that  heap  of  small  stones,  as  indifferent  to  all  around  and 
about  me  as  though  I  were  dead.  Oh,  the  long,  dreary  hours  of 
that  melancholy  day!  it  seemed  like  a  year.  They  tacked  and 
tacked,  they  wore — beat — and  tacked  again,  the  sea  washing  over 
me,  and  the  ruffianly  sailors  trampling  upon  me  without  the 
slightest  remorse,  whenever  they  had  any  occasion  to  pass  back  or 
forward.  From  my  long  trance  of  suffering  1  was  partly  roused  by 
the  steward  shaking  my  shoulder,  saying, — 

" '  The  gentlemen  wish  to  know,  sir,  if  you'd  like  sum'at  to  eat, 
as  they're  a  goin'  to  have  a  morsel ;  we're  getting  into  slack  water 
now.' 

" '  Where  are  we?'  I  replied,  in  a  sepulchral  voice. 

"  '  Off  the  Hook,  sir ;  we  have  had  a  most  splendid  run,  but  I  fear 
we'll  catch  it  soon  ;  there's  some  dirty  weather  to  the  westward.' 

"  'God  grant  it !'  said  I,  piously,  and  in  a  low  tone. 

"  '  Did  you  say  you'd  have  a  bit  to  eat,  sir  ?' 

"'No! — eat! — am  I  a  cannibal? — eat — go  away — mark  me,  my 
good  fellow,  I'll  pay  you  your  wages,  if  ever  we  get  ashore ;  you'll 
never  set  another  foot  aboard  with  me.' 

"  The  man  looked  perfectly  astounded  as  he  moved  away,  and  my 
thoughts  were  soon  engrossed  by  the  proceedings  near  me.  The 
rattle  of  knives,  and  the  jingling  of  plates  and  glasses,  went  on  very 
briskly  for  some  time,  accompanied  by  various  pleasant  observa- 
tions of  my  guests,  for  such  I  judged  them,  from  the  mirth  which 
ever  followed  them.  At  last  I  thought  I  heard  my  name,  or  at 
least  wliat  they  pleased  to  use  as  its  substitute,  mentioned.  I 
strained  my  ears  to  listen,  and  learned  that  they  were  pretending 
to  plan  a  run  over  to  Cowes,  and  see  the  regatta.  This  they  dis- 
cussed then,  for  about  twenty  minutes,  in  a  very  loud  voice,  pur- 
posely to  see  its  effects  upon  mc ;  but  as  I  was  now  aware  of  the 
trick,  I  gave  no  signs  of  any  intelligence. 

" '  Poor  Dirk,'  said  Grantham  ;  *  I  believe  by  this  time  he  cares 


MR.  O'L EA RY'S  FIRST  L 0  VE.  283 

very  little  which  way  her  head  lies;  but  here  comes  something 
better  tlian  all  our  discussions.  Lady  Agnes,  sit  here — 3Iiss 
I'clham,  here's  a  dry  cushion  for  you — did  you  say  a  wing,  Lady 
Mary  ?' 

"  Now  began  the  crash  and  clatter  of  dinner;  champagne  corlcs 
popping,  glasses  ringing,  and  all  tliat  peculiar  admixture  of  fracas 
and  fun  which  accompanies  a  scrambled  meal.  How  they  did  laugh, 
and  eat,  ay,  and  drink  too.  G.'s  punch  seemed  to  have  its  success, 
for,  sick  as  I  was,  I  could  perceive  the  voices  of  men  grow  gradually 
louder,  and  discovered  that  two  gentlemen  wlio  had  been  remarka- 
bly timid  in  the  morning,  and  scarcely  opened  their  lips,  were  now 
ratlier  uproariously  given,  and  one  even  proposed  to  sing. 

" '  If  any  man,'  thought  I,  '  were  to  look  for  an  instant  at  the 
little  scene  now  enacting  here,  what  a  moral  would  he  reap  from  it; 
talk  of  the  base  ingratitude  of  the  world,  you  cannot  say  too  much 
of  it.  Who  would  suppose  that  it  was  viy  boat  these  people  were 
assembled  in ;  that  it  was  viy  champagne  these  people  wore  drink- 
ing; that  7nT/  venison  and  mt/  pheasants  were  feeding  tliose  lips, 
which  rarely  spoke  except  to  raise  a  joke  at  my  expense?'  My 
chagrin  increased  my  sickness,  and  my  sickness  redoubled  my 
chagrin. 

"  '  Mr.  Brail,'  said  I,  in  a  low  whisper — '  Mr.  Brail.' 

" '  Did  you  speak,  sir  ?'  said  he,  with  about  as  much  surprise  in 
his  manner  as  though  he  had  been  addressed  by  a  corpse. 

"  '  Mr.  Brail,'  said  I,  *is  there  any  danger  here?' 

"  '  Lord  love  you,  no,  sir,  she's  walking  Spanish,  and  the  sea  going 
down  ;  we  shall  have  lovely  weather,  and  they're  all  enjoying  it,  sir, 
— the  ladies.' 

"  '  So  I  perceive,'  said  I,  with  a  groan — '  so  I  perceive ;  but,  Mr. 
Brail,  could  you  do  nothing — just  to — to — startle  them  a  little,  I 
mean  for  fun  only  ?  Just  ship  a  heavy  sea  or  two,  I  don't  care  for 
a  little  damage,  ]\Ir.  Brail,  and  if  it  were  to  wash  over  the  dinner 
service,  and  all  the  wine,  I  should  not  like  it  worse.' 

"  '  Why,  sir,  you  are  getting  quite  funny ;  the  sickness  is  going.' 

"  *  No,  Mr.  Brail,  worse  than  ever ;  my  head  is  in  two  pieces,  and 
my  stomach  in  the  back  of  my  mouth  ;  but  I  should  like  you  to  do 
this — so  just  manage  it,  will  you  ;  and  there's  twenty  pounds  in  my 
pocket-book,  you  can  have  it;  there  now,  won't  you  oblige  me? 
And,  hark  yc,  Mr.  Brail — if  Captain  Grantham  were  to  be  washed 
over  by  mere  accident,  it  cannot  be  helped  ;  accidents  are  always 
occurring  in  boating  parties.     Go  now  ;  you  know  what  I  mean.' 

"  '  But,  sir, — '  began  he. 

"'Well,  then,  Mr.  Brail,  you  won't — very  well.  Now  all  I  havo 
to  say  is  this,  that  the  moment  I  can  find  strength  to  do  it,  I'll  stave 


284  BARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

out  a  plank ;  I'll  scuttle  the  vessel — that's  all ;  I  have  made  up  my 
mind,  and  look  to  yourselves  now.' 

"  Saying  these  words,  I  again  threw  myself  vipon  the  ballast,  and, 
as  the  gay  chorus  of  a  drinking  song  was  wafted  across  me,  prayed 
devoutly  that  we  might  all  go  down  to  the  bottom.  The  song  over, 
I  heard  a  harsh,  gruff  voice  mixing  with  the  more  civilized  tones  of 
the  party,  and  soon  perceived  that  Mr.  Brail  was  recounting  my  pro- 
posal amid  the  most  uproarious  shouts  of  laughter  I  ever  listened  to. 
Then  followed  a  number  of  pleasant  suggestions  for  my  future  man- 
agement ;  one  proposing  to  have  me  tried  for  mutiny,  and  sentenced 
to  a  good  ducking  over  the  side  ;  another,  that  I  should  be  tarred 
on  my  back,  to  which  latter  most  humane  notion  the  fair  Agnes 
subscribed,  averring  that  she  was  resolved  upon  my  deserving  my 
sobriquet  of  Dirk  Hatteraick.  My  wrath  was  now  the  master  even 
of  deadly  sickness,  I  got  upon  my  knees,  and  having  in  vain 
tried  to  reach  my  legs,  I  struggled  aft.  In  this  posture  did  I 
reach  the  quarter-deck.  "What  my  intention  precisely  was  in  this 
excursion,  I  have  no  notion  of  now,  but  I  have  some  very  vague 
idea  that  I  meant  to  react  the  curse  of  Kehama  upon  the  whole 
party.  At  last  I  mustered  strength  to  rise ;  but,  alas  I  I  had  scarcely 
reached  the  standing  position,  when  a  tremendous  heel  of  the  boat 
to  one  side  threw  me  in  the  gunwale,  and  before  I  was  able  to  re- 
cover my  balance,  a  second  lurch  pitched  me  headlong  into  the  sea. 
I  have,  thank  God,  no  further  recollection  of  my  misfortunes. 
When  I  again  became  conscious,  I  found  myself  wrapped  up  in  a 
pilot-coat,  while  my  clothes  were  drying.  The  vessel  was  at  anchor 
in  Wexford,  my  attached  friends  had  started  for  town  with  post- 
horses,  leaving  me  no  less  cured  of  love  than  aquatics. 

"  The  Delight  passed  over  in  a  few  days  to  some  more  favored  son 
of  Neptune,  and  I  hid  my  shame  and  my  misfortunes  by  a  year's 
tour  on  the  Continent." 

"  Although  I  acknowledge,"  said  Trevanion,  "that  hitherto  I  have 
reaped  no  aid  from  Mr.  O'Leary's  narrative,  yet  I  think  it  is  not 
without  a  moral." 

"  Well,  but,"  said  I,  "  he  has  got  another  adventure  to  tell  us ;  we 
have  quite  time  for  it,  so  pray  pass  the  wine  and  let  us  have  it." 

"  I  have  just  finished  the  Burgundy,"  said  O'Leary,  "  and  if  you 
will  ring  for  another  flask,  I  have  no  objection  to  let  you  hear  the 
story  of  ray  second  love." 


MR.  O'LEARY'S  SECOND  LOVE.  285 

CHAPTER   XXXIV. 

MR.  O'lEARY'S  second  LOVE. 

YOU  may  easily  suppose,"  began  Mr.  O'Leary,  "that  the 
unhappy  termination  of  my  first  passion  served  as  a  shield 
to  me  for  a  long  time  against  my  unfortunate  tendencies 
towards  the  fair ;  and  such  was  really  the  case.  I  never  spoke  to  a 
young  lady  for  three  years  after  without  a  reeling  in  my  head,  so 
associated  in  my  mind  was  love  and  sea-sickness.  However,  at  last, 
what  will  not  time  do?  It  was  about  four  years  from  the  date  of 
this  adventure,  when  I  became  so  oblivious  of  my  former  failure  as 
again  to  tempt  my  fortune  !  My  present  choice,  in  every  way  unlike 
the  last,  was  a  gay,  lively  girl,  of  great  animal  spirits,  and  a  con- 
siderable turn  for  raillery,  that  spared  no  one ;  the  members  of  her 
own  family  were  not  even  sacred  in  her  eyes;  and  her  father,  a 
reverend  dean,  as  frequently  figured  among  the  ludicrous  as  his 
neighbors. 

"  The  Evershams  had  been  very  old  friends  of  a  rich  aunt  of  mine, 
•who  never,  by  the  bye,  had  condescended  to  notice  me  till  I  made 
their  acquaintance ;  but  no  sooner  had  I  done  so,  than  she  sent  for 
me,  and  gave  me  to  understand  that,  in  the  event  of  my  succeeding 
to  the  hand  of  Fanny  Eversham,  I  should  be  her  heir,  and  the  pos- 
sessor of  about  sixty  thousand  pounds.  She  did  not  stop  here ;  but 
by  canvassing  the  dean  in  my  favor,  speedily  put  the  matter  on  a 
most  favorable  footing,  and  in  less  than  two  months  I  was  received 
as  the  accepted  suitor  of  the  fair  Fanny,  then  one  of  the  reigning 
belles  of  Dublin. 

"They  lived  at  this  time  about  three  miles  from  town,  in  a  very 
pretty  country,  where  I  used  to  pass  all  my  mornings,  and  many  of 
my  evenings  too,  in  a  state  of  happiness  that  I  should  have  con- 
sidered perfect,  if  it  were  not  for  two  unhappy  blots — one,  the  taste 
of  my  betrothed  for  laughing  at  her  friends  ;  another,  the  diabolical 
propensity  to  talk  politics  of  my  intended  father-in-law.  To  the 
former  I  could  submit ;  but  with  the  latter,  submission  only  made 
bad  worse;  for  he  invariably  drew  up  as  I  receded,  dryly  observ- 
ing that  with  men  who  had  no  avowed  opinions  it  was  ill  agreeing ; 
or  that,  with  persons  who  kept  their  politics  as  a  schoolboy  does  his 
pocket-money,  never  to  spend,  and  always  ready  to  change,  it  was 
unpleasant  to  dispute.  Such  taunts  as  these  I  submitted  to  as  well 
as  I  might,  secretly  resolving  that  as  I  never  knew  the  meaning 
of  Whig  and  Tory,  I'd  contrive  to  spend  my  life  after  marriage  out 
of  the  worthy  dean's  diocese. 

"Time  wore  on,  and  at  length,  to  my  most  pressing  solicitations, 


286  EARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

it  was  conceded  that  a  day  for  our  marriage  sliould  be  appointed. 
Not  even  the  unlucky  termination  of  this  my  second  love  affair  can 
deprive  me  of  the  happy  souvenir  of  the  few  weeks  which  were  to 
intervene  before  our  destined  union. 

"  The  mornings  were  passed  in  ransacking  all  the  shops  where 
wedding  finery  could  be  procured — laces,  blonds,  velvets,  and  satins 
littered  every  corner  of  the  deanery — and  there  was  scarcely  a  car- 
riage in  a  coachmaker's  yard  in  the  city  that  I  had  not  sat  and 
jumped  in,  to  try  the  springs,  by  the  special  directions  of  Mrs.  Ever- 
sham,  who  never  ceased  to  impress  me  with  the  awful  responsibility 
I  was  about  to  take  upon  me  in  marrying  so  great  a  prize  as  her 
daughter — a  feeling  I  found  very  general  among  many  of  my  friends 
at  the  Kildare  Street  Club. 

"  Among  the  many  indispensable  purchases  which  I  was  to  make, 
and  about  which  Fanny  expressed  herself  more  than  commonly 
anxious,  was  a  saddle-horse  for  me.  She  was  a  great  horsewoman, 
and  hated  riding  with  only  a  servant,  and  had  given  me  to  under- 
stand as  much  about  half  a  dozen  times  each  day  for  the  last  five 
weeks.  How  shall  I  acknowledge  it — equestrianism  was  never  my 
forte.  I  had  all  my  life  considerable  respect  for  the  horse  as  an 
animal,  pretty  much  as  I  regarded  a  lion  or  a  tiger ;  but  as  to  any 
intention  of  mounting  upon  the  back  of  one,  and  taking  a  ride,  I 
should  as  soon  have  dreamed  of  taking  an  airing  upon  a  giraffe ; 
and  as  to  the  thought  of  buying,  feeding,  and  maintaining  such  a 
beast  at  my  own  proper  cost,  I  should  just  as  soon  have  determined 
to  purchase  a  pillory  or  ducking-stool,  by  way  of  amusing  my  leis- 
ure hours. 

"  However,  Fanny  was  obstinate — whether  she  suspected  anything 
or  not  I  cannot  say ;  but  nothing  seemed  to  turn  her  from  her  pur- 
pose; and  although  I  pleaded  a  thousand  things  in  delay,  yet  she 
each  day  grew  more  impatient,  and  at  last  I  saw  that  there  was 
nothing  for  it  but  to  submit. 

"  When  I  arrived  at  this  last  and  bold  resolve,  I  could  not  help 
feeling  that  to  possess  a  horse  and  not  be  able  to  mount  him  was 
only  deferring  the  ridicule;  and  as  I  had  so  often  expressed  the  dif- 
ficulty I  felt  in  suiting  myself  as  a  cause  of  my  delay,  I  could  not 
possibly  come  forward  with  anything  very  objection.able,  or  I  should 
be  only  the  more  laughed  at.  There  was,  then,  but  one  course  to 
take  ;  a  fortnight  still  intervened  before  the  day  which  was  to  make 
me  happy,  and  I  resolved  to  take  lessons  in  riding  during  the  inter- 
val, and  by  every  endeavor  in  my  power  become,  if  possible,  able  to 
pass  muster  on  the  saddle  before  my  bride. 

"Poor  old  Lalouctte  understood  but  little  of  the  urgency  of  the 
case  when  I  requested  his  leave  to  take  my  lessons  each  morning  at 


MR.  O'LEARY'S  SECOND  LOVE.  287 

six  o'clock,  for  I  diircd  not  absent  myself  during  the  day  without 
exciting  suspicion;  and  never,  I  will  venture  to  assert,  did  knight- 
errant  of  old  strive  harder  for  the  hand  of  his  lady-love  than  did  I 
during  that  weary  fortnight.  If  a  hii)pogriff  had  been  the  animal  I 
bestrode,  instead  of  being,  as  it  was,  an  old  wall-eyed  gray,  I  could 
not  have  felt  more  misgivings  at  my  temerity,  or  more  proud  of  my 
achievement.  In  the  first  three  days,  the  unaccustomed  exercise 
proved  so  severe,  that  when  I  reached  the  deanery  I  could  hardly 
move,  and  crossed  the  floor  pretty  much  as  a  pair  of  compasses  might 
be  supposed  to  do  if  performing  that  exi)loit.  Nothing,  however, 
could  equal  the  kindness  of  my  poor  dear  mother-in-law  in  embryo, 
and  even  the  dean  too.  Fanny,  indeed,  said  nothing;  but  I  rather 
think  she  was  disposed  to  giggle  a  little ;  but  my  rheumatism,  as  it 
was  called,  was  daily  inquired  after,  and  I  was  compelled  to  take 
some  infernal  stuff  in  my  port  wine  at  dinner  that  nearly  made  me 
sick  at  table. 

" '  I  am  sure  you  walk  too  much,'  said  Fanny,  with  one  of  her 
knowing  looks.  '  Papa,  don't  you  think  he  ought  to  ride  ?  It  would 
be  much  better  for  him.' 

"*I  do,  my  dear,'  said  the  dean.  'But  then,  you  sec,  he  is  so 
hard  to  be  pleased  in  a  horse.  Your  old  hunting  days  have  spoiled 
you ;  but  you  must  forget  Melton  and  Grantham,  and  condescend  to 
keep  a  hack.' 

"I  must  have  looked  confoundedly  foolish  here,  for  Fanny  never 
took  her  eyes  off  me,  and  continued  to  laugh  in  her  own  wicked 
way. 

"  It  was  now  about  the  ninth  or  tenth  day  of  my  purgatorial  per- 
formances ;  and  certainly  if  there  be  any  merit  in  fleshly  mortifica- 
tions, these  religious  exercises  of  mine  should  stand  my  part 
hereafter.  A  review  had  been  announced  in  the  Phoenix  Park, 
which  Fanny  had  expressed  herself  most  desirous  to  witness ;  and 
as  the  dean  would  not  permit  her  to  go  without  a  chaperon,  I  had 
no  means  of  escape,  and  promised  to  escort  her.  No  sooner  had  I 
made  this  rash  pledge,  than  I  hastened  to  my  confidential  friend, 
Lalouette,  and  having  imparted  to  him  my  entire  secret,  asked  him 
in  a  solemn  and  imposing  manner,  'Can  I  do  it?'  The  old  man 
shook  his  head  dubiously,  looked  grave,  and  muttered  at  length, 
'  Mosch  depend  on  de  horse.'  '  I  know  it — I  know  it — I  feel  it,'  said 
I,  eagerly;  'then,  where  are  we  to  find  an  animal  that  will  carry 
me  peaceably  through  this  awful  day — I  care  not  for  its  price?' 

" '  Votre  aflaire  ne  sera  pas  trop  chiire,'  said  he. 

"  '  Why,  how  do  you  mean  ?'  said  I. 

"  He  then  proceeded  to  inform  me  that,  by  a  singularly  fortunate 
chance,  there  took  place  that  day  an  auction  of '  cast  horses,'  as  they 


288  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

are  termed,  whicli  bad  been  used  in  the  borse  police  force,  and  that, 
from  long  riding,  and  training  to  stand  fire,  nothing  could  be  more 
suitable  than  one  of  these,  being  both  easy  to  ride  and  not  given  to 
start  at  noise. 

"  I  could  have  almost  bugged  the  old  fellow  for  his  happy  sugges- 
tion, and  waited  with  impatience  for  three  o'clock  to  come,  when  we 
repaired  together  to  Essex  Bridge,  at  that  time  the  place  selected 
for  these  sales. 

"  I  was  at  first  a  little  shocked  at  the  look  of  the  animals  drawn 
up ;  they  were  mostly  miserably  thin,  most  of  them  swelled  in  the 
legs,  few  without  sore  backs,  and  not  one  eye,  on  an  average,  in 
every  three  ;  but  still  they  were  all  high  steppers,  and  carried  a  great 
tail.  'There's  your  "affaire,"'  said  the  old  Frenchman,  as  a  long- 
legged,  fiddle-headed  beast  was  led  out,  turning  out  his  fore  legs  so 
as  to  endanger  the  man  who  walked  beside  him. 

" '  Yes,  there's  blood  for  you,'  said  Charley  Dycer,  seeing  my  eye 
fixed  on  the  wretched  beast ;  '  equal  to  fifteen  stone  with  any  fox- 
hounds ;  safe  in  all  his  paces,  and  warranted  sound ;  except,'  added 
he,  in  a  whisper,  '  a  slight  spavin  in  both  hind  legs,  ring  bone,  and  a 
little  touched  in  the  wind.'  Here  the  animal  gave  an  approving 
cough.  '  Will  any  gentleman  say  fifty  pounds  to  begin  ?'  But  no 
gentleman  did.  A  hackney  coachman,  however,  said  five,  and  the 
sale  was  opened,  the  beast  trotting  up  and  down  nearly  over  the 
bidders  at  every  moment,  and  plunging  on  so,  that  it  was  impossible 
to  know  what  was  doing. 

"'Five  ten — fifteen — six  pounds — thank  you,  sir, — guineas.* 
'Seven  pounds,'  said  I,  bidding  against  myself,  not  perceiving  that 
I  had  spoken  last.  '  Thank  you,  Mr.  Moriarty,'  said  Dycer,  turn- 
ing towards  an  invisible  purchaser  supposed  to  be  in  the  crowd, — 
'thank  you,  sir;  you'll  not  let  a  good  one  go  in  that  way.'  Every 
one  here  turned  to  find  out  the  very  knowing  gentleman,  but  he 
could  nowhere  be  seen. 

"  Dycer  resumed,  '  Seven  ten  for  Mr.  Moriarty.  Going  for  seven 
ten — a  cruel  sacrifice — there's  action  for  you — playful  beast.'  Here 
the  devil  had  stumbled,  and  nearly  killed  a  basket-woman  with  two 
children. 

"  '  Eight,'  said  I,  with  a  loud  voice. 

"'Eight  pounds!  quite  absurd,'  said  Dycer,  almost  rudely;  'a 
charger  like  that  for  eight  pounds  ! — going  for  eight  pounds — going 
— nothing  above  eight  pounds — no  reserve,  gentlemen ;  you  are 
aware  of  that.  They  are  all,  as  it  were,  his  Majesty's  stud — no 
reserve  whatever — last  time — eight  pounds — gone.' 

"  Amid  a  very  hearty  cheer  from  the  mob— God  knows  why,  but 
a  Dublin  mob  always  cheer — I  returned,  accompanied  by  a  ragged 


MR.  0" LEAHY'S  SECOND  LOVE.  289 

fellow,  leading  my  new  purchase  after  me  with  a  hay  halter.  'What 
is  the  meaning  of  those  letters?'  said  I,  pointing  to  a  very  con- 
spicuous G.  R.,  with  sundry  other  enigmatical  signs,  burned  upon 
the  animal's  hind-quarter. 

"  'That's  to  show  he  was  a  po-lis,'  said  the  fellow,  with  a  grin  ; 
'and  whin  ye  ride  with  ladies,  ye  must  turn  the  decoy  side.' 

"  The  auspicious  morning  at  last  arrived,  and,  strange  to  say,  the 
first  waking  thought  was  of  the  unlucky  day  that  ushered  in  my 
yachting  excursion  four  years  before.  Why  this  was  so,  I  cannot 
pretend  to  guess ;  there  was  but  little  analogy  in  the  circumstances, 
at  least  so  far  as  anything  had  then  gone,  '  IIow  is  Marius?'  said  I 
to  my  servant  as  he  opened  my  shutters.  Here  let  me  mention  that 
a  friend  of  the  Kildare  Street  Club  had  suggested  this  name  from 
the  remarkably  classic  character  of  my  steed's  countenance ;  his 
nose,  he  assured  me,  was  perfectly  Roman. 

" '  IMarius  is  doing  finely,  sir,  barrin'  his  cough,  and  the  thrifle 
that  ails  his  hind-legs.' 

"  '  He'll  carry  me  quietly,  Simon,  eh  ?' 

"  '  Quietly  I  I'll  warrant  he'll  carry  you  quietly,  if  that's  all.' 

"  Here  was  comfort ;  for  Simon  had  lived  forty  years  as  pantry-boy 
with  my  mother,  and  knew  a  great  deal  about  horses.  I  dressed 
myself  in  high  spirits;  and  if  my  pilot-jacket  and  oil-skin  cap  in 
former  days  had  half  persuaded  me  that  I  was  born  for  marine 
achievements,  certainly  my  cords  and  tops  that  morning  went  far 
to  convince  me  that  I  must  have  once  been  a  very  keen  sportsman 
somewhere  without  knowing  it.  It  was  a  delightful  July  day  that 
I  set  out  to  join  my  friends,  who,  having  recruited  a  large  party, 
were  to  rendezvous  at  the  corner  of  Stephen's  Green.  Thither  I 
proceeded  in  a  certain  ambling  trot,  which  I  have  often  observed  is 
a  very  favorite  pace  with  timid  horsemen  and  gentlemen  of  the 
medical  profession.  I  was  hailed  with  a  most  hearty  welcome  by  a 
large  party  as  I  turned  out  of  Grafton  street,  among  whom  I  per- 
ceived several  friends  of  Miss  Eversham,  and  some  young  dragoon 
officers,  not  of  my  acquaintance,  but  who  appeared  to  know  Fanny 
intimately,  and  were  laughing  heartily  with  her  as  I  rode  up. 

"  I  don't  know  if  other  men  have  experienced  what  I  am  about  to 
mention  or  not,  but  certainly  to  me  there  is  no  more  painful  sensa- 
tion than  to  find  yourself  among  a  number  of  well-mounted,  well- 
equipped  people,  while  the  animal  you  yourself  bestride  seems  only 
fit  for  the  kennel.  Every  look  that  is  cast  at  your  unlucky  steed, 
every  whispered  observation  about  you,  are  so  many  thorns  in  your 
flesh,  till  at  last  you  begin  to  feel  that  your  appearance  is  for  very 
little  else  than  the  amusement  and  mirth  of  the  assembly,  and 
every  time  you  rise  in  your  stirrups  you  excite  a  laugh. 
19 


290  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

" '  Where,  for  mercy's  sake,  did  you  find  that  creature  ?'  said 
Fanny,  surveying  Marius  through  a  glass. 

"  '  Oh,  him,  eh  ?  Why,  he  is  a  handsome  horse,  if  in  condition — 
a  charger,  you  know  ;  that's  his  style.' 

"  '  Indeed  !'  lisped  a  young  lancer ;  '  I  should  be  devilish  sorry  to 
charge  or  be  charged  with  him.'  And  here  they  all  chuckled  at  this 
puppy's  silly  joke,  and  I  drew  up  to  repress  further  liberties. 

"  '  Is  he  anything  of  a  fencer  ?'  said  a  young  country  gentleman. 

" '  To  judge  from  his  near  eye,  I  should  say  much  more  of  a 
boxer,'  said  another. 

"  Here  commenced  a  running  fire  of  pleasantry  at  the  expense  of 
my  poor  steed,  which,  not  content  with  attacking  his  physical,  ex- 
tended to  his  moral  qualities.  An  old  gentleman  near  me  observed, 
*  that  I  ought  not  to  have  mounted  him  at  all,  seeing  that  he  was  so 
deuced  groggy!'  to  which  I  replied  by  insinuating  that  if  others 
present  were  as  free  from  the  influence  of  ardent  spirits,  society 
would  not  be  a  sufferer — an  observation  that  I  flatter  myself  turned 
the  mirth  against  the  old  fellow,  for  they  all  laughed  for  a  quarter 
of  an  hour  after. 

"  Well,  at  last  we  set  out  in  a  brisk  trot,  and,  placed  near  Fanny, 
I  speedily  forgot  all  my  annoyances  in  the  prospect  of  figuring  to 
advantage  before  her.  When  we  reached  College  Green,  the  leaders 
of  the  party  suddenly  drew  up,  and  we  soon  found  that  the  entire 
street  opposite  the  Bank  was  filled  with  a  dense  mob  of  people,  who 
appeared  to  be  swayed  hither  and  thither,  like  some  mighty  beast, 
as  the  individuals  composing  it  were  engaged  in  close  conflict.  It 
was  nothing  more  nor  less  than  one  of  those  almost  weekly  rows 
which  then  took  place  between  the  students  of  the  University  and 
the  townspeople,  and  which  rarely  ended  without  serious  conse- 
quences. The  numbers  of  people  pressing  on  to  the  scene  of  action 
soon  blocked  up  our  retreat,  and  we  found  ourselves  most  unwilling 
spectators  of  the  conflict.  Political  watchwords  were  loudly  shouted 
by  each  party ;  and  at  last  the  students,  who  appeared  to  be  yield- 
ing to  superior  numbers,  called  out  for  the  intervention  of  the 
police.  The  aid  was  nearer  than  they  expected,  for  at  the  same 
instant  a  body  of  mounted  policemen,  whose  high  helmets  rendered 
them  sufliciently  conspicuous,  were  seen  trotting  at  a  sharp  pace 
down  Dame  street.  On  they  came  with  drawn  sabres,  led  by  a 
well-looking,  gentleman-like  personage  in  plain  clothes,  who  dashed 
at  once  into  the  midst  of  the  fray,  issuing  his  orders,  and  pointing 
out  to  his  followers  to  secure  the  ringleaders.  Up  to  this  moment  I 
had  been  a  most  patient  and  rather  amused  spectator  of  what  was 
doing.  Now,  however,  my  part  was  to  commence,  for  at  the  word 
'  charge,'  given  in  harsh,  deep  voice  by  the  sergeant  of  the  party, 


MR.  O'LEARY'S  SECOND  LOVE.  291 

Marius,  remembering  his  ancient  instinct,  pricked  up  his  ears, 
cocked  his  tail,  flung  up  both  his  hind  legs  till  they  nearly  broke 
the  provost's  windows,  and  plunged  into  the  thickest  of  the  fray 
like  a  devil  incarnate. 

"  Self-preservation  must  be  a  strong  instinct,  for  I  well  remember 
how  little  pain  it  cost  me  to  see  tlie  people  tuml)ling  and  rolling 
before  and  beneath  me,  while  I  continued  to  keep  my  seat.  It  was 
only  the  moment  before  and  that  immense  mass  were  in  man  to 
man  encounter ;  now,  all  the  indignation  of  both  parties  seemed 
turned  upon  me;  brickbats  were  loudly  implored  and  i)aving-stone8 
begged  to  throw  at  my  devoted  head;  the  wild  huntsman  of  the 
German  romance  never  created  half  the  terror,  nor  one-tenth  of  the 
mischief,  that  I  did  in  less  than  fifteen  minutes,  for  the  ill-starred 
beast  continued  twining  and  twisting  like  a  serpent,  plunging  and 
kicking  the  entire  time,  and  occasionally  biting  too,  all  which 
accomplishments  I  afterwards  learned,  however  little  in  request  in 
civil  lile,  are  highly  prized  in  the  horse  police. 

"  Every  new  order  of  the  sergeant  was  followed  in  his  own  fashion 
by  Marius,  who  very  soon  contrived  to  concentrate  in  my  unhappy 
person  all  the  interest  of  about  fifteen  hundred  people. 

"'Secure  that  scoundrel,'  said  the  magistrate,  pointing  with  his 
finger  towards  me,  as  I  rode  over  a  respectable-looking  old  lady, 
with  a  gray  muff.     *  Secure  him.     Cut  him  down.' 

"*Ah,  devil's  luck  to  him,  if  he  do,'  said  the  newsmonger  with  a 
broken  shin. 

"  On  I  went,  however ;  and  now,  as  the  Fates  would  have  it^ 
instead  of  bearing  me  out  of  further  danger,  the  confounded  bruto 
dashed  onward  to  where  the  magistrate  was  standing,  surrounded 
by  policemen.  I  thought  I  saw  him  change  color  as  I  came  on.  I 
suppose  my  own  looks  were  none  of  the  pleasantest,  for  the  worthy 
man  evidently  liked  them  not.  Into  the  midst  of  them  we  plunged, 
upsetting  a  corporal,  horse  and  all,  and  appearing  as  if  bent  upon 
reaching  the  alderman. 

"'Cut  him  down,  for  Heaven's  sake.  Will  nobody  shoot  him?' 
said  he,  with  a  voice  trembling  with  fear  and  anger. 

"At  these  words  a  wretch  lifted  up  his  sabre,  and  made  a  cut  at 
my  head.  I  stoojjcd  suddenly,  and  throwing  myself  from  the 
saddle,  seized  the  poor  alderman  round  the  neck,  and  we  both  came 
rolling  to  the  ground  together.  So  completely  v/as  he  possessed 
with  the  notion  that  I  meant  to  assassinate  him,  that  while  I  was 
endeavoring  to  extricate  myself  from  his  grasp,  he  continued  to  beg 
his  life  in  the  most  heartrending  manner. 

"  My  story  is  now  soon  told.  So  eflectually  did  they  rescue  the 
alderman  from  his  danger  that  they  left  mc  iusensible,  and  I  only 


292  EARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

came  to  myself  some  days  after  by  finding  myself  in  tlie  dock  in 
Green  street,  charged  with  an  indictment  of  nineteen  counts ;  the 
only  word  of  truth  of  which  lay  in  the  preamble,  for  the  '  devil  incit- 
ing' me  only,  would  ever  have  made  me  the  owner  of  that  infernal 
beast,  the  cause  of  all  my  misfortunes.  I  was  so  stupefied  with  my 
beating,  that  I  know  little  of  the  course  of  the  proceedings.  My 
friends  told  me  afterwards  that  I  had  a  narrow  escape  from  transpor- 
tation ;  but  for  the  influence  exerted  in  my  behalf,  I  should  certainly 
have  passed  the  autumn  in  the  agreeable  recreation  of  pounding 
oyster-shells  or  carding  wool.  It  certainly  must  have  gone  hard  with 
me,  for  stupefied  as  I  was,  I  remember  the  sensation  in  court  when 
the  alderman  made  his  appearance  with  a  patch  over  his  eye.  The 
afiecting  admonition  of  the  little  judge — who,  when  passing  sentence 
upon  me,  adverted  to  the  former  respectability  of  my  life,  and  the 
rank  of  my  relatives — actually  made  the  galleries  weep. 

"  Four  months  to  Newgate,  and  a  fine  to  the  king,  then  rewarded 
my  taste  for  horse-exercise ;  and  it's  no  wonder  if  I  prefer  going  on 
foot. 

"  As  to  Miss  Eversham,  the  following  short  note  from  the  deau 
concluded  my  hopes  in  that  quarter. 

" '  Deanery,  Wednesday  morning. 

'"Sir: — After  the  very  distressing  publicity  to  which  your  late 
conduct  has  exposed  you — the  so  open  avowal  of  political  opinions, 
at  variance  with  those  (I  will  say)  of  every  gentleman — and  the 
recorded  sentence  of  a  judge  on  the  verdict  of  twelve  of  your  country- 
men— I  should  hope  that  you  will  not  feel  my  present  admonition 
necessary  to  inform  you  that  your  visits  at  my  house  shall  cease. 

"  'The  presents  you  made  my  daughter,  when  under  our  unfortu- 
nate ignorance  of  your  real  character,  have  been  addressed  to  your 
hotel,  and  I  am  your  most  obedient,  humble  servant, 

" '  Oliver  Eversham.' 

"Here  ended  my  second  affair  joar  amours ^  and  I  freely  confess  to 
you  that  if  I  can  only  obtain  a  wife  in  a  sea  voyage,  or  a  steeple 
chase,  I  am  likely  to  fulfill  one  great  condition  in  modern  adver- 
tieing — *  as  having  no  incumbrance,  nor  any  objection  to  travel.'  " 


M' 


THE  DUEL.  293 

CHAPTER  XXXV. 

THE  DUEL. 

"R.  O'LEARY  had  scarcely  concluded  the  narrative  of  his 

second  adventure,  wlien  the  gray  light  of  tlic  breaking  day 
was  seen  faintly  struggling  through  the  half-closed  curtains, 
tind  apprising  us  of  the  lateness  of  the  hour. 

"  I  think  we  shall  just  have  time  for  one  finishing  flask  of  Cham- 
bertin,"  said  O'Leary,  as  he  emptied  the  bottle  into  his  glass. 

"  I  forbid  the  banns  for  one,"  cried  Trevanion.  "  We  have  all 
had  wine  enough,  considering  what  we  have  before  us  this  morning; 
and  besides,  you  are  not  aware  it  is  now  past  four  o'clock.  So,  gar- 
qon — garqon,  there ! — how  soundly  the  poor  fellow  sleeps — let  us 
have  some  coffee,  and  then  inquire  if  a  carriage  is  in  waiting  at  the 
corner  of  the  Rue  Vivienne." 

The  coffee  made  its  appearance,  very  much,  as  it  seemed,  to  Mr. 
O'Leary's  chagrin,  who,  however,  solaced  himself  by  sundry  "  small 
glasses"  to  correct  the  coldness  of  the  wine  he  had  druuk,  and  at 
length  recovered  his  good  humor. 

"  Do  you  know,  now,"  said  he,  after  a  short  pause,  in  which  we 
had  all  kept  silence,  "  I  think  what  we  are  about  to  do  is  the  very 
ugliest  way  of  finishing  a  pleasant  evening.  For  my  own  part,  I 
like  the  wind-up  we  used  to  have  in  '  Old  Trinity'  formerly ;  when, 
after  wringing  off  half  a  dozen  knockers,  breaking  the  lamps  at  the 
post-office,  and  getting  out  the  fire  engines  of  Werburgh's  parish, 
we  beat  a  few  watchmen,  and  went  peaceably  to  bed." 

"  Well,  not  being  an  Irishman,"  said  Trevanion,  "  I'm  half  dis- 
posed to  think  that  even  our  present  purpose  is  nearly  as  favorable 
to  life  and  limb.  But  here  comes  my  servant.  Well,  John,  is  all 
arranged,  and  the  carriage  ready  ?" 

Having  ascertained  that  the  carriage  was  in  waiting,  and  that  the 
small  box — brass-bound  and  Bramah-loeked — reposed  within,  we 
paid  our  bill  and  departed.  A  cold,  raw,  misty-looking  morning, 
with  masses  of  dark,  louring  clouds  overhead,  and  channels  of  dark 
and  murky  water  beneath,  were  the  pleasant  prospects  which  met 
us  as  we  issued  forth  from  the  caf6.  The  lamps,  which  hung  sus- 
pended midway  across  the  street — we  speak  of  some  years  since — 
creaked  with  a  low  and  plaintive  sound,  as  they  swung  backwards 
and  forwards  in  the  wind.  Not  a  footstep  was  heard  in  the  street — 
nothing  but  the  heavy  patter  of  the  rain  as  it  fell  ceaselessly  upon  the 
broad  pavement.  It  was  indeed  a  most  depressing  and  dispiriting 
accompaniment  to  our  intended  excursion  ;  and  even  O'Leary,  who 
seemed  to  have  but  slight  sympathy  with  external  influences,  felt  it, 


294  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

for  he  spoke  but  little,  and  was  scarcely  ten  minutes  in  the  carriage 
till  he  was  sound  asleep.  This  was,  I  confess,  a  great  relief  to  me; 
for  however  impressed  I  was,  and  to  this  hour  am,  with  the  many 
sterling  qualities  of  my  poor  friend,  yet  I  acknowledge  that  this 
was  not  precisely  the  time  I  should  have  cared  for  their  exercise,  and 
would  have  much  preferred  the  companionship  of  a  different  order  of 
person,  even  though  less  acquainted  with  him.  Trevanion  was,  of 
all  others,  the  most  suitable  for  this  purpose ;  and  I  felt  no  embar- 
rassment in  opening  my  mind  freely  to  him  upon  subjects  which, 
but  twenty-four  hours  previous,  I  could  not  have  imparted  to  a 
brother. 

There  is  no  such  unlocker  of  the  secrets  of  the  heart  as  the 
possibly  near  approach  of  death.  Indeed,  I  question  if  a  great  deal 
of  the  bitterness  the  thought  of  it  inspires  does  not  depend  upon 
that  very  circumstance.  The  reflection  that  the  long-treasured 
mystery  of  our  lives  (and  who  is  there  without  some  such  ?)  is  about 
to  become  known,  and  the  secret  of  our  inmost  heart  laid  bare,  is  in 
itself  depressing.  Not  one  kind  word,  nor  one  embracing  adieu,  to 
those  we  are  to  leave  forever,  can  be  spoken  or  written  without 
calling  up  its  own  story  of  half-forgotten  griefs,  or,  still  worse,  at 
such  a  moment,  of  happiness  never  again  to  be  partaken  of. 

"  I  cannot  explain  why,"  said  I  to  Trevanion,  "  but  although  it  has 
unfortunately  been  pretty  often  my  lot  to  have  gone  out  on  an 
occasion  like  this,  both  as  principal  and  friend,  yet  never  before  did 
I  feel  so  completely  depressed  and  low-spirited,  and  never,  in  fact, 
did  so  many  thoughts  of  regret  arise  before  me  for  much  of  the 
past,  and  sorrow  for  the  chance  of  abandoning  the  future " 

"  I  can  understand,"  said  Trevanion,  interrupting — "  I  have  heard 
of  your  prospect  in  the  Callonby  family,  and  certainly,  with  such 
hopes,  I  can  well  conceive  how  little  one  would  be  disposed  to  brook 
the  slightest  incident  which  could  interfere  with  their  accomplish- 
ment ;  but  now  that  your  cousin  Guy's  pretensions  in  that  quarter 
are  at  an  end,  I  suppose,  from  all  I  have  heard,  there  can  be  no 
great  obstacle  to  yours." 

"  Guy's  pretensions  at  an  end  I  For  Heaven's  sake  tell  me  all  you 
know  of  this  affair — for  up  to  this  moment  I  am  in  utter  ignorance 
of  everything  regarding  his  position  in  the  Callonby  family." 

"  Unfortunately,"  replied  Trevanion,  "  I  know  but  little,  but  still 
that  little  is  authentic — Guy  himself  having  imparted  the  secret  to 
a  very  intimate  friend  of  mine.  It  appears,  then,  that  your  cousin 
having  heard  that  the  Callonbys  had  been  very  civil  to  you  in 
Ireland,  and  made  all  manner  of  advances  to  you — had  done  so 
under  the  impression  that  you  were  the  other  nephew  of  Sir  Guy, 
and  consequently  the  heir  of  a  large  fortune — that  is,  Guy  himself—* 


THE  DUEL.  295 

and  tli.it  they  had  never  discovered  the  mistake  during  the  time  they 
resided  in  Irehmd,  when  they  not  only  permitted,  but  even  en- 
couraged, the  closest  intimacy  between  you  and  Lady  June.  Is  so 
far  true?" 

"  I  have  long  suspected  it.  Indeed,  in  no  other  way  can  I  account 
for  the  reception  I  met  with  from  the  Callonbys.  But  is  it  pos- 
sible that  Lady  Jane  could  have  lent  herself  to  anything  so  un- 
worthy  " 

"Pray,  hear  me  out,"  said  Trevanion,  who  was  evidently  struck 
by  the  despondency  of  my  voice  and  manner.  "  Guy  having  heard 
of  their  mistake,  and  auguring  well  to  himself  from  this  evidence 
of  their  disposition,  no  sooner  heard  of  their  arrival  in  Paris,  than 
he  came  over  here  and  got  introduced  to  them.  From  that  time  he 
scarcely  ever  left  their  house  except  to  accompany  them  into 
society,  or  to  the  theatres.  It  is  said  that  with  Lady  Jane  he  made 
no  progress.  Her  manner,  at  the  beginning  cold  and  formal,  be- 
came daily  more  so ;  until  at  last  he  was  half  disposed  to  abandon 
the  pursuit — in  which,  by  the  bye,  he  has  since  confessed,  ambitious 
views  entered  more  than  any  affection  for  the  lady — when  the 
thought  struck  him  to  benefit  by  what  he  supposed  at  first  to  be 
the  great  bar  to  his  success.  He  suddenly  pretended  to  be  only 
desii'ous  of  intimacy  with  Lady  Jane  from  having  heard  so  much 
of  her  from  you — affected  to  be  greatly  in  your  confidence — and, 
in  fact,  assumed  the  character  of  a  friend  cognizant  of  all  your 
feelings  and  hopes,  and  ardently  desiring,  by  every  means  in  his 
power,  to  advance  your  interests- 


"  And  was  it  thus  he  succeeded  ?"  I  broke  in. 


'Twas  tluis  he  endeavored  to  succeed,"  said  Trevanion. 
'Ah,  with  what  success  I  but  too  well   know,"  said  I.     "My 
uncle  himself  showed  me  a  letter  from  Guy,  in  which  he  absolutely 
speaks  of  the  affair  as  settled,  and  talks  of  Lady  Jane  as  about  to 
be  his  wife." 

"  That  may  be  all  quite  true  ;  but  a  little  consideration  of  Guy's 
tactics  will  show  what  he  intended ;  for  I  find  that  he  induced  your 
uncle,  by  some  representations  of  his,  to  make  the  most  handsome 
proposals,  with  regard  to  the  marriage,  to  the  Callonbys ;  and  that, 
to  make  the  story  short,  nothing  but  the  decided  refusal  of  Lady 
Jane,  who  at  length  saw  through  his  entire  game,  prevented  the 
match." 

"And  then  she  did  refuse  him?"  said  I,  with  ill-repressed  exul- 
tation. 

"Of  that  there  can  be  no  doubt;  for  independently  of  all  the 
gossip  and  quizzing  upon  the  subject  to  which  Guy  was  exposed  in 
the  coteries,  he  made  little  secret  of  it  himself — openly  avowing  that 


296  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

he  did  not  consider  a  repulse  a  defeat,  and  that  he  resolved  to  sus- 
tain the  siege  as  vigorously  as  ever." 

However  interested  I  felt  in  all  Trevanion  was  telling  me,  I  could 
not  help  falling  into  a  train  of  thinking  over  my  first  acquaintance 
with  the  Callonbys.  There  are  perhaps  but  few  things  more  humil- 
iating than  the  knowledge  that  any  attention  or  consideration  we 
have  met  with  has  been  paid  us  in  mistake  for  another ;  and  in  the 
very  proportion  that  they  were  prized  before,  are  they  detested  when 
the  truth  is  known  to  us. 

To  all  the  depressing  influences  these  thoughts  suggested,  came 
the  healing  balm  that  Lady  Jane  was  true  to  me — that  she,  at  least, 
however  others  might  be  biassed  by  worldly  considerations — that 
she  cared  for  me — for  myself  alone.  My  reader  (alas  I  for  my  char- 
acter for  judgment)  knows  upon  how  little  I  founded  the  convic- 
tion ;  but  I  have  often  in  these  Confessions  avowed  my  especial 
failing  to  be  a  great  taste  for  self-deception ;  and  here  was  a  capital 
occasion  for  its  indulgence. 

"We  shall  have  abundant  time  to  discuss  this  later  on,"  said 
Trevanion,  laying  his  hand  upon  my  shoulder  to  rouse  my  wander- 
ing attention — "  for  now,  I  perceive,  we  have  only  eight  minutes  to 
spare." 

As  he  spoke,  a  dragoon  officer,  in  an  undress,  rode  up  to  the  win- 
dow of  the  carriage,  and  looking  steadily  at  our  party  for  a  few 
seconds,  asked  if  we  were  "  Messieurs  les  Anglais;"  and,  almost  with- 
out waiting  for  reply,  added,  "  You  had  better  not  go  any  farther  in 
your  carriage,  for  the  next  turn  of  the  road  will  bring  you  in  sight 
of  the  village." 

"We  accordingly  stopped  the  driver,  and  having  with  some  diffi- 
culty aroused  O'Leary,  got  out  upon  the  road.  The  stranger  here 
gave  his  horse  to  a  groom,  and  proceeded  to  guide  us  through  a 
corn-field  by  a  narrow  path,  with  whose  windings  and  crossings  he 
appeared  quite  conversant.  We  at  length  reached 'the  brow  of  a 
little  hill,  from  which  an  extended  view  of  the  country  lay  before 
us,  showing  the  Seine  winding  its  tranquil  course  between  the  richly 
tilled  fields,  dotted  with  many  a  pretty  cottage.  Turning  abruptly 
from  this  point,  our  guide  led  us,  by  a  narrow  and  steep  path,  into 
a  little  glen,  planted  with  poplars  and  willows.  A  small  stream 
ran  through  this,  and  by  the  noise  we  soon  detected  that  a  mill 
was  not  far  distant,  which  another  turning  brought  us  at  once  in 
front  of. 

And  here  I  cannot  help  dwelling  upon  the  scene  which  met  our 
view.  In  the  porch  of  the  little  rural  mill  sat  two  gentlemen,  one 
of  whom  I  immediately  recognized  as  the  person  who  had  waited 
upon  me,  and  the  other  I  rightly  conjectured  to  be  my  adversary. 


THE  DUEL.  297 

Before  them  stood  a  small  table,  covered  with  a  spotless  napkin,  upon 
■which  a  breakfast  equipage  was  spread — a  most  inviting  melon 
and  a  long,  slender-necked  bottle,  reposing  in  a  little  ice-i)ail,  form- 
ing part  of  the  picture.  My  opponent  was  coolly  enjoying  his  cigar — 
a  half-finished  cup  of  coffee  lay  beside  him — his  friend  was  occupied 
in  examining  the  caps  of  the  duelling  pistols,  which  were  placed 
upon  a  chair.  No  sooner  had  we  turned  the  angle  which  brought 
ns  in  view,  than  they  both  rose,  and  taking  off  their  hats  with  much 
courtesy,  bade  us  good-morning, 

"May  I  oiler  you  a  cup  of  coffee?"  said  Monsieur  de  Joncourt  to 
me,  as  I  came  uj),  at  the  same  time  fi^Uing  it  out,  and  pushing  over  a 
little  flask  of  Cognac  towards  me. 

A  look  from  Trevanion  decided  my  acceptance  of  the  proffered 
civility,  and  I  seated  myself  in  the  chair  beside  the  baron.  Tre- 
vanion meanwhile  had  engaged  my  adversary  in  conversation  along 
with  the  stranger  who  had  been  our  guide,  leaving  O'Leary  alone 
unoccupied,  which,  however,  he  did  not  long  remain  ;  for  although 
uninvited  by  the  others,  he  seized  a  knife  and  fork,  and  commenced  a 
vigorous  attack  upon  a  partridge  pie  near  him;  and,  with  equal 
absence  of  ceremony,  uncorked  the  champagne  and  filled  out  a  foam- 
ing goblet,  nearly  one-third  of  the  whole  bottle,  saying  as  he  did 
so, — 

"I  think,  Mr.  Lorrequer,  there's  nothing  like  showing  them  that 
•we  are  just  as  cool  and  unconcerned  as  themselves." 

If  I  might  judge  from  the  looks  of  the  party,  a  happier  mode  of 
convincing  them  of  our  "  free  and  easy"  feelings  could  not  pos- 
sibly have  been  discovered.  From  any  mortification  this  proceeding 
might  have  caused  me,  I  was  speedily  relieved  by  Trevanion  calling 
O'Leary  to  one  side,  while  he  cxi^lained  to  him  that  he  must  nomi- 
nally act  as  second  on  the  ground,  as  Trevanion,  being  a  resident 
in  Paris,  might  become  liable  to  a  prosecution,  should  anything 
serious  arise,  while  O'Lcarj^,  as  a  mere  passer  through,  could  cross 
the  country  into  Germany,  and  avoid  all  trouble. 

O'Leary  at  once  acceded— perhaps  the  more  readily  because  he 
expected  to  be  allowed  to  return  to  his  breakfast;  but  in  this  he 
soon  found  himself  mistaken,  for  the  whole  party  now  rose,  and,  pre- 
ceded by  the  baron,  followed  the  course  of  the  little  stream. 

After  about  five  minutes'  walking,  we  found  ourselves  at  the  out- 
let ofthe  glen,  which  was  formed  by  a  large  stone  quarry,  making  a 
species  of  amphitheatre,  with  lofty  walls  of  rugged  granite,  rising 
thirty  or  forty  feet  on  either  side  of  us.  The  ground  was  smooth  and 
level  as  a  boarded  floor,  and  certainly  to  amateurs  in  these  sort  of 
matters,  presented  a  most  perfect  spot  for  a  "  meeting." 

The  stranger  who  had  just  joined  us  could  not  help  remarking  our 


298  EABRY  LORREQUER. 

looks  of  satisfaction  at  the  clioice  of  the  ground,  and  observed  to 

me, — 

"  This  is  not  the  first  affair  that  this  little  spot  has  witnessed  ; 
and  the  'Mill  of  St.  Cloud'  is,  I  think,  the  very  best  'meeV  about 
Paris." 

Trevanion,  who  during  these  few  minutes  had  been  engaged  with 
De  Joncourt,  now  drew  me  aside. 

"  Well,  Lorrequer,  have  you  any  recollection  now  of  having  seen 
your  opponent  before  ?  or  can  you  make  a  guess  at  the  source  of  all 
this?" 

"  Never  till  this  instant,"  said  I,  "  have  I  beheld  him,"  as  I  looked 
towards  the  tall,  stoutly-built  figure  of  my  adversary,  who  was  very 
leisurely  detaching  a  cordon  from  his  tightly  fitting  frock,  doubtless 
to  prevent  its  attracting  my  aim. 

"Well,  never  mind,  I  shall  manage  everything  properly.    What 

can  you  do  with  the  small  sword,  for  they  have  rapiers  at  the  mill  ?" 

"Nothing  whatever ;  I  have  not  fenced  since  I  was  a  boy." 

"  No  matter  then,  we'll  fight  at  a  barridre.     I  know  they're  not 

prepared  for  that  from  Englishmen ;  so  just  step  on  one  side  now, 

and  leave  me  to  talk  it  over." 

As  the  limited  nature  of  the  ground  did  not  permit  me  to  retire  to 
a  distance,  I  became  involuntarily  aware  of  a  dialogue,  which  even 
the  seriousness  of  the  moment  could  scarcely  keep  me  from  laughing 
at  outright. 

It  was  necessary,  for  the  sake  of  avoiding  any  possible  legal  dif- 
ficulty in  the  result,  that  O'Leary  should  give  his  assent  to  every 
step  of  the  arrangement;  and  being  almost  totally  ignorant  of 
French,  Trevanion  had  not  only  to  translate  for  him,  but  also  to 
render  in  reply  O'Leary's  own  comments  or  objections  to  the  propo- 
sitions of  the  others. 

"  Then  it  is  agreed— we  fight  at  a  barridre,"  said  Captain  de  Jon- 
court. 

"  What's  that,  Trevanion  ?" 

"  We  have  agreed  to  place  them  at  a  barriHre,"  replied  Trevanion. 
"  That's  strange,"  muttered  O'Leary  to  himself,  who,  knowing 
that  the  word  meant  a  "  turnpike,"  never  supposed  it  had  any  other 
signification. 

"  Vingt-quatre  pas,  n'est-ce-pas  ?"  said  De  Joncourt. 
"  Too  far,"  interposed  Trevanion. 
"  What  does  he  say  now  ?"  asked  O'Leary. 
"  Twenty-four  paces  for  the  distance." 

"  Twenty-four  of  my  teeth  he  means,"  said  O'Leary,  snapping  his 
fingers.  "What  docs  he  think  of  the  length  of  Sackville  street? 
Ask  him  that,  will  ye  ?" 


THE  DUEL.  299 

■    "  What  says  Monsieur  ?"  said  the  Frenchman. 

"  He  thinks  the  distance  much  too  great." 

"  He  may  be  mistaken,"  said  the  Captain,  half  sneeringly.  "  My 
friend  is  dc  la  premiere  force." 

"  That  must  be  something  impudent,  from  your  looks,  Mr.  Tre- 
vanion.     Isn't  it  a  thousand  pities  I  can't  speak  French?" 

"  What  say  you,  then,  to  twelve  paces?  Fire  together,  and  two 
shots  each,  if  the  first  fire  be  inconclusive,"  said  Trevanion. 

"  And  if  necessary,"  added  the  Frenchman,  carelessly,  "  conclude 
with  these" — touching  the  swords  with  his  foot  as  he  spoke. 

"  The  choice  of  the  weapon  lies  with  us,  I  opine,"  replied  Trevan- 
ion. "  We  have  already  named  pistols,  and  by  them  we  shall  decide 
this  matter." 

It  was  at  length,  after  innumerable  objections,  agreed  upon  that 
we  should  be  placed  back  to  back,  and,  at  a  word  given,  each  walk 
forward  to  a  certain  distance  marked  out  by  a  stone,  where  we  were 
to  halt,  and  at  the  signal  " Tin"  "Deux"  turn  round  and  fire. 

This,  which  is  essentially  a  French  invention  in  duelling,  was 
perfectly  new  to  me,  but  by  no  means  so  to  Trevanion,  who  was 
fully  aware  of  the  immense  consequences  of  not  giving  even  a 
momentary  opportunity  for  aim  to  my  antagonist;  and  in  this  mode 
of  firing  the  most  practised  and  deadly  shot  is  liable  to  err — particu- 
larly if  the  signal  be  given  quickly. 

While  Trevanion  and  the  Captain  were  measuring  out  the  ground, 
a  little  circumstance  which  was  enacted  near  me  was  certainly  not 
over-calculated  to  strengthen  my  nerve.  The  stranger  who  had  led 
us  to  the  ground  had  begun  to  examine  the  pistols,  and  finding 
that  one  of  them  was  loaded,  turned  towards  my  adversary,  saying, 
"  De  Haulpenne,  you  have  forgotten  to  draw  the  charge.  Come, 
let  us  see  what  vein  you  are  in."  At  the  same  time,  drawing  off 
his  large  cavalry  glove,  he  handed  the  pistol  to  his  friend. 

"  A  double  Napoleon  you  don't  hit  the  thumb." 

"  Done,"  said  the  other,  adjusting  the  weapon  in  his  hand. 

The  action  was  scarcely  performed  when  the  second  flung  the 
glove  into  the  air  with  all  his  force.  My  opponent  i-aised  his  pistol, 
waited  for  an  instant,  till  the  glove,  having  attained  its  greatest 
height,  turned  to  fall  again.  Then  click  went  the  trigger — the 
glove  turned  round  and  round  half  a  dozen  times,  and  fell  about 
twenty  yards  off,  and  the  thumb  was  found  cut  clearly  off  at  the 
junction  with  the  hand. 

This — which  did  not  occupy  half  as  long  as  I  have  spent  in  re- 
counting it — was  certainly  a  pleasant  introduction  to  standing  at 
fifteen  yards  from  the  principal  actor ;  and  I  should  doubtless  have 
felt  it  in  all  its  force,  had  not  my  attention  been  drawn  off  by  the 


300  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

• 

ludicrous  expression  of  grief  in  O'Leary's  countenance,  who  evi- 
dently regarded  me  as  already  defunct. 

"  Now,  Lorrequer,  we  are  ready,"  said Trevanion,  coming  forward; 
and  then,  lowering  his  voice,  added,  "  All  is  in  your  favor ;  I  have 
won  the  '  word,'  which  I  shall  give  the  moment  you  halt.  So  turn 
and  fire  at  once :  be  sure  not  to  go  too  far  round  in  the  turn — that 
is  the  invariable  error  in  this  mode  of  firing :  only,  no  hurry  !  — be 
calm." 

"  Now,  Messieurs,"  said  De  Joncourt,  as  he  approached  with  his 
friend  leaning  upon  his  arm,  and  placed  him  in  the  spot  allotted  to 
him.  Trevanion  then  took  my  arm  and  placed  me  back  to  back  to 
my  antagonist.  As  I  took  up  my  ground,  it  so  chanced  that  my 
adversary's  spur  slightly  grazed  me,  upon  which  he  immediately 
turned  round,  and  with  the  most  engaging  smile,  begged  a  "  thousand 
pardons,"  and  hoped  I  was  not  hurt. 

O'Leary,  who  saw  the  incident,  and  guessed  the  action  aright, 
called  out, — 

"  Oh,  the  cold-blooded  villain !  the  devil  a  chance  for  you,  Mr. 
Lorrequer." 

"  Messieurs,  your  pistols,"  said  De  Joncourt,  who,  as  he  handed 
the  weapons,  and  repeated  once  more  the  conditions  of  the  combat, 
gave  the  word  to  march. 

I  now  walked  slowly  forward  to  the  place  marked  out  by  the 
stone ;  but  it  seemed  that  I  must  have  been  in  advance  of  my  oppo- 
nent, for  I  remember  that  some  seconds  elapsed  before  Trevanion 
coughed  slightly,  and  then  with  a  clear,  full  voice  called  out,  "  Un, 
Deux/"  I  had  scarcely  turned  myself  half  round,  when  my  right 
arm  was  suddenly  lifted  up,  as  if  by  a  galvanic  shock.  My  pistol 
jerked  upwards,  and  exploded  the  same  moment,  and  then  dropped 
powerlessly  from  my  hand,  which  I  now  felt  was  covered  with  warm 
blood,  from  a  wound  near  the  elbow.  From  the  acute  but  moment- 
ary pang  this  gave  me,  my  attention  was  soon  called  off;  for 
scarcely  had  my  arm  been  struck,  when  a  loud  clattering  noise  to 
the  left  induced  me  to  turn,  and  then,  to  my  astonishment,  I  saw 
my  friend  O'Leary  about  twelve  feet  from  the  ground,  hanging  on 
.  by  some  ash  twigs  that  grew  from  the  clefts  of  the  granite.  Frag- 
ments of  broken  rock  were  falling  around  him,  and  his  own  position 
momentarily  threatened  a  downfall.  He  was  screaming  with  all  his 
might,  but  what  he  said  was  entirely  lost  in  the  shouts  of  laughter 
of  Trevanion  and  the  Frenchmen,  who  could  hardly  stand  with  the 
exuberance  of  their  mirth. 

I  had  no  time  to  run  to  his  aid — which,  although  wounded,  I 
should  have  done — when  the  branch  lie  clung  to  slowly  yielded  to 
his  weight,  and  the  round,  plump  figure  of  my  poor  friend  rolled 


THE  DUEL.  301 

over  the  little  cleft  of  rock,  and,  after  a  few  faint  struggles,  came 
tumbling  heavily  down,  and  at  last  lay  peaceably  in  the  deep 
heather  at  the  bottom,  his  cries  the  whole  time  being  loud  enough 
to  rise  even  above  the  vociferous  laughter  of  the  others, 

I  now  ran  forward,  as  did  Trevanion,  when  O'Leary,  turning  his 
eyes  towards  me,  said,  in  the  most  piteous  manner, — 

"  Mr.  Lorrequer,  I  forgive  you.  Here  is  my  hand.  Bad  luck  to 
their  French  way  of  fighting — that's  all ;  it's  only  good  for  killing 
one's  friend.     I  thought  I  was  safe  up  there,  come  what  might." 

"  My  dear  O'Leary,"  said  I,  in  an  agony  which  prevented  my 
minding  the  laughing  faces  around  me,  "  surely  you  don't  mean  to 
say  that  I  have  wounded  youV 

"  No,  dear,  not  wounded,  only  killed  me  outright, — through  the 
brain  it  must  be,  from  the  torture  I'm  suffering." 

The  shout  with  which  this  speech  was  received  sufficiently  aroused 
me,  while  Trevanion,  with  a  voice  nearly  choked  with  laughter, 
said, — 

"  Why,  Lorrequer,  did  you  not  see  that  your  pistol,  on  being 
struck,  threw  your  ball  high  up  on  the  quarry,  fortunately,  how- 
ever, about  a  foot  and  a  half  above  Mr.  O'Leary's  head,  whose  most 
serious  wounds  are  his  scratched  hands  and  bruised  bones  from  his 
tumble." 

This  explanation,  which  was  perfectly  satisfactory  to  me,  was  by 
no  means  so  consoling  to  poor  O'Leary,  who  lay  quite  unconscious 
to  all  around,  moaning  in  the  most  melancholy  manner.  Some  of 
the  blood  which  continued  to  flow  fast  from  my  wound  having 
dropped  upon  his  face,  roused  him  a  little,  but  only  to  increase  his 
lamentation  for  his  own  destiny,  which  he  believed  was  fast  accom- 
plishing. 

"  Through  the  skull — clean  through  the  skull — and  preserving  my 
senses  to  the  last  I  Mr.  Lorrequer,  stoop  down — it  is  a  dying  man 
asks  you — don't  refuse  me  a  last  request.  There's  neither  luck  nor 
grace,  honor  nor  glory,  in  such  a  way  of  fighting,  so  just  promise 
me  you'll  shoot  that  grinning  baboon  there,  when  he's  going  off  the 
ground,  since  it's  the  fashion  to  fire  at  a  man  with  his  back  to  you. 
Bring  him  down,  and  I'll  die  easy." 

With  these  words  he  closed  his  eyes  and  straightened  out  his 
legs,  stretched  his  arms  on  either  side,  and  arranged  himself  as 
much  corpse-fashion  as  the  circumstances  of  the  ground  would  per- 
mit, while  I  now  freely  participated  in  the  mirth  of  the  others, 
which,  loud  and  boisterous  as  it  was,  never  reached  the  ears  of 
O'Leary. 

My  arm  had  now  become  so  painful,  that  I  was  obliged  to  ask 
Trevanion  to  assist  me  in  getting  off  my  coat.    The  surprise  of  the 


302  HABE  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

Frenclimen  on  learning  that  I  was  wounded  was  very  considerable, 
O'Leary's  catastrophe  having  exclusively  engaged  all  attention.  My 
arm  was  now  examined,  when  it  was  discovered  that  the  ball  had 
passed  through  from  one  side  to  the  other,  without  apparently 
touching  the  bone ;  the  bullet  and  the  portion  of  my  coat  carried  in 
by  it  both  lay  in  my  sleeve.  The  only  serious  consequence  to  be 
apprehended  was  the  wound  of  the  blood-vessel,  which  continued  to 
pour  forth  blood  unceasingly,  and  I  was  just  surgeon  enough  to 
guess  that  an  artery  had  been  cut. 

Trevanion  bound  his  handkerchief  tightly  across  the  wound  and 
assisted  me  to  the  high  road,  which,  so  sudden  was  the  loss  of  blood, 
I  reached  with  difficulty.  During  all  these  proceedings,  nothing 
could  be  possibly  more  kind  and  considerate  than  the  conduct  of 
our  opponents.  All  the  bold  and  swaggering  air,  which  they  had 
deemed  the  esseniiel  before,  at  once  fled,  and  in  its  place  we  found 
the  most  gentlemanlike  attention  and  true  politeness. 

As  soon  as  I  was  enabled  to  speak  upon  the  matter,  I  begged 
Trevanion  to  look  to  poor  O'Leary,  who  still  lay  upon  the  ground  in 
a  state  of  perfect  unconsciousness.  Captain  de  Joncourt,  on  hearing 
my  wish,  at  once  returned  to  the  quarry,  and  with  the  greatest  diffi- 
culty persuaded  my  friend  to  rise  and  endeavor  to  walk,  which  at 
last  he  did  attempt,  calling  him  to  bear  witness  that  it  jjerhaps  Avas 
the  only  case  on  record  where  a  man  with  a  bullet  in  his  brain  had 
made  such  an  exertion. 

With  a  view  to  my  comfort  and  quiet,  they  got  him  into  d'Haul- 
penne's  cab ;  and  having  undertaken  to  send  Dupuytren  to  me 
immediately  on  my  reaching  Paris,  took  their  leave,  and  Trevanion 
and  I  sot  out  homeward. 

Not  all  my  exhaustion  and  debility,  not  even  the  acute  pain  I 
was  suifTering,  could  prevent  my  laughing  at  O'Leary's  adventure ; 
and  it  required  all  Trevanion's  prudence  to  prevent  my  indulging 
too  far  in  my  recollection  of  it. 

When  we  reached  Meurice's,  I  found  Dupuytren  in  waiting,  who 
immediately  pronounced  the  main  artery  of  the  limb  as  wounded, 
and  almost  as  instantaneously  proceeded  to  pass  a  ligature  round  it. 
This  painful  business  being  concluded,  I  was  placed  upon  a  sofa, 
and  being  plentifully  supplied  with  lemonade,  and  enjoined  to  keep 
quiet,  left  to  my  own  meditations,  such  as  they  were,  till  evening — 
Trevanion  having  taken  upon  him  to  ai)ologizc  for  our  absence  at 
Mrs.  Bingham's  dcjeHner,  and  O'Leary  being  fust  asleep  in  his  own 
apartment. 


EARLY  RECOLLECTIONS.  803 

CHAPTER   XXXVI. 

EARLY  RECOLLECTIONS— A  FIRST  LOVE. 

I  KNOW  of  no  sensations  so  very  nearly  alike  as  those  felt  on 
awakening  after  a  very  sudden  and  profuse  loss  of  blood  and 
those  resulting  from  a  large  dose  of  opium.  The  dizziness,  the 
confusion,  and  the  abstraction  at  first  gradually  yielding,  as  the 
senses  become  clearer,  to  a  vague  and  indistinct  consciousness ; 
then,  the  strange  mistiness,  in  which  fact  and  fiction  are  wrapped 
up — the  confounding  of  persons,  and  places,  and  times,  not  so  as  to 
embarrass  and  annoy — for  the  very  debility  you  feel  subdues  all 
irritation — but  rather  to  present  a  panoramic  feature  of  odd  and  in- 
congruous events  more  pleasing  than  otherwise. 

Of  the  circumstances  by  which  I  was  brought  to  a  sick  couch,  I 
had  not  even  the  most  vague  recollection — the  faces  and  the  dress 
of  all  those  I  had  lately  seen  were  vividly  before  me ;  but  how  and 
for  what  purpose  I  know  not.  Something  in  their  kindness  and 
attention  had  left  an  agreeable  impression  upon  my  mind,  and  with- 
out being  able,  or  even  attempting  to  trace  it,  I  felt  happy  in  the 
thought.  While  thus  the  "  hour  before"  was  dim  and  indistinct, 
the  events  of  years  past  were  vividly  and  brightly  pictured  before 
me ;  and  strange,  too,  the  more  remote  the  period,  the  more  did  it 
seem  palpable  and  present  to  my  imagination.  For  so  it  is,  there  is 
in  memory  a  species  of  long-sightedness,  which,  though  blind  to  the 
object  close  beside  you,  can  reach  the  blue  mountains  and  the  starry 
skies  which  lie  full  many  a  league  away.  Is  this  a  malady?  or  is 
it  rather  a  providential  gift  to  alleviate  the  tedious  hours  of  the 
sick-bed,  and  cheer  the  lonely  suflerer,  whose  thoughts  are  his  only 
realm  ? 

My  schoolboy  days,  in  all  their  holiday  excitement ;  the  bank 
■where  I  had  culled  the  earliest  cowslips  of  the  year ;  the  clear  but 
rapid  stream,  where  days  long  I  have  watched  the  speckled  trout, 
as  they  swam  peacefully  beneath,  or  shook  their  bright  fins  in  the 
gay  sunshine ;  the  gorgeous  dragon-fly  that  played  above  the  water, 
and  dipped  his  bright  wings  in  its  ripple — they  were  all  before  me. 
And  then  came  the  thought  of  school  itself,  with  its  little  world  of 
boyish  cares  and  emulations ;  the  early-imbibed  passion  for  success ; 
the  ardent  longing  for  superiority ;  the  high  and  swelling  feeling  of 
the  heart,  as  home  drew  near,  to  think  that  I  had  gained  the  wishcd- 
for  prize — the  object  of  many  an  hour's  toil — the  thought  of  many 
a  long  night's  dream  ;  my  father's  smile  ;  my  mother's  kiss  I  Oh  I 
what  a  very  world  of  tender  memory  that  one  thought  suggests  ; 
for  what  are  all  our  later  successes  in  life — how  bright  soever  our 


304  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

fortune  be  —  compared  with  the  early  triumphs  of  our  infancy? 
Where,  among  the  jealous  rivalry  of  some,  the  cold  and  half-wrung 
praise  of  others,  the  selfish  and  unsympathizing  regard  of  all,  shall 
we  find  anything  to  repay  us  for  the  swelling  ecstasy  of  our  young 
hearts,  as  those  who  have  cradled  and  loved  us  grow  proud  in  our 
successes?  For  myself,  a  life  that  has  failed  in  every  prestige  of 
those  that  prophesied  favorably,  years  that  have  followed  on  each 
other  only  to  blight  the  promise  that  kind  and  well-wishing  friends 
foretold,  leave  but  little  to  dwell  upon  that  can  be  reckoned  as 
success.  And  yet,  some  moments  I  have  had  which  half  seemed  to 
realize  my  early  dreams  of  ambition,  and  rouse  my  spirit  within 
me ;  but  what  were  they  all  compared  to  my  boyish  glories  ?  what 
the  passing  excitement  one's  own  heart  inspires  in  its  lonely  and 
selfish  solitude,  when  compared  with  that  little  world  of  sympathy 
and  love  our  early  home  teemed  with,  as,  proud  in  some  trifling  dis- 
tinction, we  fell  into  a  mother's  arms,  and  heard  our  father's  "  God 
bless  you,  my  boy  ?"  No,  no ;  the  world  has  no  requital  for  this.  It 
is  like  the  bright  day-spring,  which,  as  its  glories  gild  the  east, 
display  before  us  a  whole  world  of  beauty  and  promise — blighted 
hopes  have  not  withered,  false  friendships  have  not  scathed,  cold, 
selfish  interest  has  not  yet  hardened  our  hearts,  or  dried  wp  our  affec- 
tions, and  we  are  indeed  happy  ;  but  equally  like  the  burst  of  morn- 
ing is  it  fleeting  and  short-lived :  and  equally  so,  too,  does  it  pass 
away,  never,  never  to  return. 

From  thoughts  like  these  my  mind  wandered  on  to  more  advanced 
years,  when,  emerging  from  very  boyhood,  I  half  believed  myself  a 
man,  and  was  fully  convinced  I  was  in  love. 

Perhaps,  after  all,  for  the  time  it  lasted — ten  days,  I  think — it  was 
the  most  sincere  passion  I  ever  felt.  I  had  been  spending  some 
weeks  at  a  small  watering-place  in  Wales  with  some  relatives  of  my 
mother.  There  were,  as  might  be  supposed,  but  few  "  distractions," 
in  such  a  place,  save  the  scenery,  and  an  occasional  day's  fishing  in 
the  little  river  of  Dolgelly,  which  ran  near.  In  all  those  little 
rambles  which  the  younger  portion  of  the  family  made  together, 
frequent  mention  was  ever  being  made  of  a  visit  from  a  very  dear 
cousin,  and  to  which  all  looked  forward  with  the  greatest  eagerness 
— the  elder  ones  of  the  party  with  a  certain  air  of  quiet  pleasure,  as 
though  they  knew  more  than  they  said,  and  the  younger  with  all 
the  childish  exuberance  of  youthful  delight.  Clara  Mourtray 
seemed  to  be,  from  all  I  was  hourly  hearing,  the  very  paragon  and 
pattern  of  everything.  If  any  one  was  praised  for  beauty,  Clara  was 
immediately  pronounced  much  prettier — did  any  one  sing,  Clara's 
voice  and  taste  were  far  superior.  In  our  homeward  walk,  should 
the  shadows  of  the  dark  hills  fall  with  a  picturesque  ellect  upou  the 


EARL  Y  RECOLLECTIONS.  306 

blue  lake,  some  one  was  sure  to  say,  "  Oh !  how  Clara  would  like 
to  sketch  that."  In  short,  there  was  no  charm  nor  accomplishment 
ever  the  gift  of  woman  that  Clara  did  not  possess;  or,  what 
amounted  pretty  much  to  the  same  thing,  that  my  relatives  did  not 
implicitly  give  her  credit  for.  The  constantly-recurring  praises  of 
the  same  person  affect  us  always  diiferently  as  we  go  on  in  life.  In 
youth  the  prevailing  sentiment  is  an  ardent  desire  to  see  the  prodigy 
of  whom  we  have  heard  so  much — in  after  years,  heartily  to  detest 
what  hourly  hurts  our  self-love  by  comparisons.  We  would  take 
any  steps  to  avoid  meeting  what  we  have  inwardly  decreed  to  be  a 
"  bore."  The  former  was  my  course;  and  though  my  curiosity  was 
certainly  very  great,  I  had  made  up  my  mind  to  as  great  a  disappoint- 
ment, and  half  wished  for  the  long  arrival  as  a  means  of  criticising 
what  they  could  see  no  fault  in. 

The  wished-for  evening  at  length  came,  and  we  all  set  out  upon  a 
walk  to  meet  the  carriage  which  was  to  bring  the  long-wished  for 
Clara  among  us.  We  had  not  walked  above  a  mile  when  the  eager 
eye  of  the  foremost  detected  a  cloud  of  dust  upon  the  road  at  some 
distance;  and,  after  a  few  minutes  more,  four  posters  were  seen 
coming  along  at  a  tremendous  rate.  The  next  moment  she  was 
making  the  tour  of  about  a  dozen  uncles,  aunts,  cousins  and 
cousines,  none  of  whom,  it  appeared  to  me,  felt  any  peculiar  desire  to 
surrender  the  hearty  embrace  to  the  next  of  kin  in  succession.  At 
last  she  came  to  me,  when,  perhaps,  in  the  confusion  of  the  moment, 
not  exactly  remembering  whether  or  not  she  had  seen  me  before,  she 
stood  for  a  moment  silent — a  deep  blush  mantling  her  lovely  cheek — ■ 
masses  of  waving  brown  hair  disordered  and  floating  upon  her 
shoulders — her  large  and  liquid  blue  eyes  beaming  upon  me.  One 
look  was  enough.     I  was  deeply — irretrievably  in  love. 

"  Our  cousin  Harry — Harry  Lorrequer — wild  Harry,  as  we  used 
to  call  him,  Clara,"  said  one  of  the  girls,  introducing  me. 

She  held  out  her  hand,  and  said  something  with  a  smile.  "Wliat, 
I  know  not — nor  can  I  tell  how  I  replied ;  but  something  absurd  it 
must  have  been,  for  they  all  laughed  heartily,  and  the  worthy  papa 
himself  tapped  my  shoulder  jestingly,  adding, — 

"  Never  mind,  Harry, — you  will  do  better  one  day,  or  I  am  much 
mistaken  in  you." 

Whether  I  was  conscious  that  I  had  behaved  foolishly  or  not,  I 
cannot  well  say ;  but  the  whole  of  that  night  I  thought  over  plans 
innumerable  how  I  should  succeed  in  putting  myself  forward  before 
"Cousin  Clara,"  and  vindicating  myself  against  any  imputation  of 
schoolboy  mannerism  that  my  first  appearance  might  have  caused. 

The  next  day  we  remained  at  home.    Clara  was  too  much  fiitigued 
to  walk  out,  and  none  of  us  would  leave  her.    What  a  day  of  happi- 
20 


506  EARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

ness  that  was  !  I  knew  something  of  music,  and  could  sing  a  second. 
Clara  was  delighted  at  this,  for  the  others  had  not  cultivated  sing- 
ing much.  We  therefore  spent  part  of  the  morning  in  this  way. 
Then  she  produced  her  sketch-book,  and  I  brought  out  mine,  and 
we  had  a  mutual  interchange  of  prisoners.  What  cutting  out  of 
leaves  and  detaching  of  rice-paper  landscapes !  Then,  she  came  out 
apon  the  lawn  to  see  my  pony  leap,  and  promised  to  ride  him  the 
following  day.  She  patted  the  greyhounds,  and  said  Gipsy,  which 
was  mine,  was  the  prettiest.  In  a  word,  before  night  fell,  Clara  had 
won  my  heart  in  its  every  fibre,  and  I  went  to  my  room  the  very 
happiest  of  mortals. 

I  need  not  chronicle  my  next  three  days — to  me  the  most  glorious 
irois  jours  of  my  life.  Clara  had  evidently  singled  me  out  and  pre- 
ferred me  to  all  the  rest.  It  was  beside  me  she  rode — upon  my  arm 
she  leaned  in  walking — and,  to  fill  me  with  delight  unutterable,  I 
overheard  her  say  to  my  uncle,  "  Oh !  I  doat  upon  dear  Harry  1 
And  it  is  so  pleasant,  for  I'm  sure  Mortimer  will  be  so  jealous." 

"And  who  is  Mortimer?"  thought  I;  "  he  is  a  new  character  in 
the  piece,  of  whom  we  have  seen  nothing." 

I  was  not  long  in  doubt  upon  this  head,  for  that  very  day,  at  din- 
ner, the  identical  Mortimer  presented  himself  He  was  a  fine, 
dashing-looking,  soldier-like  fellow,  of  about  thirty-five,  with  a 
heavy  moustache,  and  a  bronzed  cheek — rather  grave  in  his  manner, 
but  still  perfectly  good-natured,  and  when  he  smiled,  showing  a 
most  handsome  set  of  regular  teeth,  Clara  seemed  less  pleased  (I 
thought)  at  his  coming  than  the  others,  and  took  pleasure  in  tor- 
menting him  by  a  thousand  pettish  and  frivolous  ways,  which  I  was 
Borry  for,  as  I  thought  he  did  not  like  it ;  and  used  to  look  half 
chidingly  at  her  from  time  to  time,  but  without  any  effect,  for  she 
just  went  on  as  before,  and  generally  ended  by  taking  my  arm  and 
saying,  "Come  away,  Harry;  yon  always  are  kind,  and  never  look 
sulky.  I  can  agree  with  you."  Tliese  were  delightful  words  for  me 
to  listen  to,  but  I  could  not  hear  them  without  feeling  for  him,  who 
evidently  was  pained  by  Clara's  avowed  preference  for  me ;  and 
whose  years — for  I  thought  thirty-five  at  that  time  a  little  verging 
upon  the  patriarchal — entitled  him  to  more  respect. 

"  Well,"  thought  T,  one  night,  as  this  game  had  been  carried  rather 
farther  than  usual,  "  I  hope  she  is  content  now,  for  certainly  Mortimer 
is  jealous;"  and  the  result  proved  it,  for  the  whole  of  the  following 
day  he  absented  himself,  and  never  came  back  till  late  in  tiie  even- 
ing. He  had  been,  I  found,  from  a  chance  observation  I  overheard, 
at  the  bishop's  palace,  and  the  bishop  himself,  I  learned,  was  to 
breakfast  with  us  in  the  morning. 

"  Harry,  I  have  a  commission  for  you,"  said  Clara.    "  You  must  get 


EARL  Y  RECOLLECTIONS.  307 

up  very  early  to-morrow,  and  climb  the  Cader  mountain,  and  bring 
me  a  grand  bouquet  of  the  blue  and  purple  heath  that  I  liked  so 
much  the  last  time  I  was  there.  Mind,  very  early,  for  I  intend  to 
surprise  the  bishop  to-morrow  with  my  taste  in  a  nosegay." 

The  sun  had  scarcely  risen  as  I  sprang  from  my  bed,  and  started 
upon  my  errand.  Oh  !  the  glorious  beauty  of  that  morning's  walk. 
As  I  climbed  the  mountain,  the  deep  mists  lay  upon  all  around,  and 
^except  the  path  I  was  treading,  nothing  was  visible ;  but  before  I 
reached  the  top,  the  heavy  masses  of  vapor  were  yielding  to  the 
influence  of  the  sun  ;  and  as  they  rolled  from  the  valleys  up  the 
mountain  sides,  were  every  instant  opening  new  glens  and  ravines 
beneath  me — bright  in  all  their  verdure,  and  speckled  with  sheep, 
whose  tinkling  bells  reached  me  even  where  I  stood. 

I  counted  above  twenty  lakes  at  different  levels,  below  me  ;  some, 
brilliant  and  shining  like  polished  mirrors ;  others,  not  less  beauti- 
ful, dark  and  solemn  with  some  mighty  mountain  shadow.  As  I 
looked  landward,  the  mountains  reared  their  huge  crests,  one  above 
the  other,  to  the  farthest  any  eye  could  reach.  Towards  the  oppo- 
site side,  the  calm  and  tranquil  sea  lay  beneath  me,  bathed  in  the 
yellow  gold  of  a  rising  sun  ;  a  few  ships  were  peaceably  lying  at 
anchor  in  the  bay,  and  the  only  thing  in  motion  was  a  row-boat,  the 
heavy  monotonous  stroke  of  whose  oars  rose  in  the  stillness  of  the 
morning  air.  Not  a  single  habitation  of  man  could  I  descry,  nor 
any  vestige  of  a  human  being,  except  that  mass  of  something  upon 
a  rock  far  down  beneath  were  one,  and  I  think  it  must  have  been, 
for  I  saw  a  sheep-dog  ever  returning  again  and  again  to  the  same 
spot. 

My  bouquet  was  gathered, — the  gentian  of  the  Alps,  which  is 
found  here,  also  contributing  its  evidence  to  show  where  I  had  been 
to  seek  it, — and  I  turned  home. 

The  fiimily  were  at  breakfast  as  I  entered  ;  at  least  so  the  servants 
said,  for  I  only  remembered  then  that  the  bishop  was  our  guest,  and 
that  I  could  not  present  myself  without  some  slight  attention  to  my 
dress.  I  hastened  to  my  room,  and  scarcely  had  I  finished,  when  one 
of  my  cousins,  a  little  girl  of  eight  years,  came  to  the  door  and  said, — 

"  Harry,  come  down  ;  Clara  wants  you." 

I  ^u^^hod  down  stairs,  and  as  I  entered  the  breakfast-parlor,  stood 
still  with  surprise.  The  ladies  were  all  dressed  in  white,  and  even 
my  little  cousin  wore  a  gala  costume  that  almost  amazed  me. 

"  My  bouquet,  Harry ;  I  hope  you  have  not  forgotten  it,"  said 
Clara,  as  I  approached. 

I  presented  it  at  once,  when  she  gayly  and  coquettishly  held  out 
her  hand  for  me  to  kiss.  This  I  did,  my  blood  rushing  to  my  face 
and  temples  the  while,  and  almost  depriving  me  of  consciousness. 


308  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

"  Well,  Clara,  I  am  surprised  at  you,"  said  Mortimer.  "  How  can 
you  treat  the  poor  boy  so  ?" 

I  grew  deadly  pale  at  these  words,  and  turning  round,  looked  at 
the  speaker  full  in  the  face.  "  Poor  fellow !"  thought  I,  '*  he  is 
jealous,  and  I  am  really  grieved  for  him;"  and  turned  again  to 
Clara. 

*'  Here  it  is.  Oh,  how  handsome,  papa  !"  said  one  of  the  younger 
children,  running  eagerly  to  the  window,  as  a  very  pretty  open 
carriage  with  four  horses  drew  up  before  the  house. 

"  The  bishop  has  taste,"  I  murmured  to  myself,  scarcely  deigning 
to  give  a  second  look  at  the  equipage. 

Clara  now  left  the  room,  but  speedily  returned — her  dress  changed, 
and  shawled  as  if  for  a  walk.  What  could  all  this  mean  ?— and  the 
whispering,  too,  what  is  all  that? — and  why  are  they  all  so  sad? — 
Clara  has  been  weeping. 

"God  bless  you,  my  child!  good-bye,"  said  my  aunt,  as  she 
folded  her  in  her  arms  for  the  third  time. 

"Good-bye,  good-bye,"  I  heard  on  every  side.  At  length, 
approaching  me,  Clara  took  my  hand  and  said, — 

"  My  poor  Harry,  so  we  are  going  to  part.     I  am  going  to  Italy." 

"  To  Italy,  Clara  ?  Oh,  no — say  no.  Italy  1  I  shall  never  see  you 
again." 

"  Won't  you  wear  this  ring  for  me,  Harry  ?  It  is  an  old  favorite 
of  yours — and  when  we  meet  again " 

"  Oh !  dearest  Clara,"  I  said,  "  do  not  speak  thus." 

"  Good-bye,  my  poor  boy,  good-bye,"  said  Clara,  hurriedly ;  and 
rushing  out  of  the  room,  she  was  lifted  by  Mortimer  into  the 
carriage,  who  immediately  jumped  in  after  her.  The  whip  cracked, 
the  horses  clattered,  and  all  was  out  of  sight  in  a  second. 

"Why  is  she  gone  with  him?"  said  I,  reproachfully,  turning 
towards  my  aunt. 

"  Why,  my  dear,  a  very  sufficient  reason.  She  was  married  this 
morning." 

This  was  my  first  love  1 


M' 


WISE  RESOL  VES.  309 

CHAPTER    XXXVII. 

WISE  RESOLVES. 

"USING  over  this  boyish  adventure,  I  fell  into  a  deep  slum- 
ber, and  on  awakening,  it  took  me  some  minutes  before  I 
could  recall  my  senses  sufficiently  to  know  where  I  was. 
The  whole  face  of  things  in  my  room  was  completely  changed. 
Flowers  had  been  put  in  the  china  vases  upon  the  tables — two 
handsome  lamps,  shaded  with  gauzes,  stood  upon  the  consoles — 
illustrated  books,  prints,  and  caricatures,  were  scattered  about.  A 
pianoforte  had,  also,  by  some  witchcraft,  insinuated  itself  into  a 
recess  near  the  sofa — a  handsome  little  tea-service,  of  old  Dresden 
china,  graced  a  small  marqueterie  table — and  a  little  piquet  table 
stood  most  invitingly  beside  the  fire.  I  had  scarcely  time  to  turn 
my  eyes  from  one  to  the  other  of  these  new  occupants  when  I  heard 
the  handle  of  my  door  gently  turn,  as  if  by  some  cautious  hand, 
and  immediately  closed  my  eyes  and  feigned  sleep.  Through  my 
hali'-shut  lids  I  perceived  the  door  opened.  After  a  pause  of  about 
a  second,  the  skirt  of  a  white  muslin  dress  appeared — then  a  pretty 
foot  stole  a  little  farther — and  at  last  the  slight  and  graceful  figure 
of  family  Bingham  advanced  noiselessly  into  the  room.  Fear  had 
rendered  her  deadly  pale ;  but  the  efi'ect  of  her  rich  brown  hair, 
braided  plainly  on  either  side  of  her  cheek,  suited  so  well  the  char- 
acter of  her  features,  I  thought  her  far  handsomer  than  ever.  She 
came  forward  towards  the  table,  and  I  now  could  perceive  that  she 
had  something  in  her  hand  resembling  a  letter.  This  she  jjlaced 
near  my  hand — so  near  as  almost  to  touch  it.  She  leaned  over  me 
— I  felt  her  breath  upon  my  brow,  but  never  moved.  At  this  in- 
stant, a  tress  of  her  hair,  becoming  unfastened,  fell  over  upon  my 
face.  She  started — the  motion  threw  me  off  my  guard,  and  I  looked 
up.  She  gave  a  faint,  scarcely  audible  shriek,  and  shrank  into  the 
chair  beside  me.  Recovering,  however,  upon  the  instant,  she 
grasped  the  letter  she  had  just  laid  down,  and  having  crushed  it 
between  her  fingers,  threw  it  into  the  fire.  This  done — as  if  the 
effort  had  been  too  much  for  her  strength — she  again  fell  back  upon 
her  seat,  and  looked  so  pale,  I  almost  thought  she  had  fainted. 

Before  I  had  time  to  speak,  she  rose  once  more;  and  now  her 
face  was  bathed  in  blushes,  her  eyes  swam  with  rising  tears,  and  her 
lips  trembled  with  emotion  as  she  spoke. 

"  Oh,  Mr.  Lorrcquer,  what  will  you — what  can  you  think  of  this? 

If  you  but  knew ;"  and  here  she  faltered  and  again  grew  pale, 

while  I,  with  difficulty  rising  from  the  sofa,  took  her  hand,  and  led 
her  to  the  chair  beside  it. 


310  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

"  And  may  I  not  know  ?"  said  I ;  "  may  I  not  know,  my  dear" — I 
am  not  sure  I  did  not  say  dearest — "  Miss  Bingham,  wlien  perhaps 
the  knowledge  might  make  me  the  hapjjiest  of  mortals?" 

This  was  a  pretty  plunge  as  a  sequel  to  my  late  resolutions.  She 
hid  her  face  between  her  hands,  and  sobbed  for  some  seconds. 

"  At  least,"  said  I,  "  as  that  letter  was  destined  for  me  but  a  few 
moments  since,  I  trust  that  you  will  let  me  hear  its  contents." 

"  Oh  no — not  now  !"  said  she,  entreatingly ;  and,  rising  at  the 
same  time,  she  turned  to  leave  the  room.  I  still  held  her  hand,  and 
pressed  it  within  mine.  I  thought  she  returned  the  pressure.  I 
leaned  forward  to  catch  her  eye,  when  the  door  was  opened  hastily, 
and  a  most  extraordinary  figure  presented  itself. 

It  was  a  short,  fat  man,  with  a  pair  of  enormous  mustachios,  of  a 
fiery  red ;  huge  bushy  whiskers  of  the  same  color ;  a  blue  frock  cov- 
ered with  braiding,  and  decorated  with  several  crosses  and  ribbons ; 
tight  pantaloons  and  Hessian  boots,  with  long  brass  spurs.  He 
held  a  large  gold-headed  cane  in  his  hand,  and  looked  about  with 
an  expression  of  very  equivocal  drollery,  mingled  with  fear. 

"  May  I  ask,  sir,"  said  I,  as  this  individual  closed  the  door  behind 
him,  "  may  I  ask  the  reason  for  this  intrusion?" 

"  Oh,  upon  my  conscience,  I'll  do — I'm  sure  to  pass  muster,  now," 
said  the  well-known  voice  of  Mr.  O'Leary,  whose  pleasant  features 
began  to  dilate  amid  the  forest  of  red  hair  he  was  disguised  in. 
"  But  I  see  you  are  engaged,"  said  he,  with  a  sly  look  at  Miss  Bing- 
ham, whom  he  had  not  yet  recognized ;  "  so  I  must  contrive  to  hide 
myself  elsewhere,  I  suppose." 

"  It  is  Miss  Bingham,"  said  I,  "  who  has  been  kind  enough  to 
come  here  with  her  maid,  to  bring  me  some  flowers.  Pray  present 
my  compliments  to  Mrs.  Bingham,  and  say  how  deeply  I  feel  her 
kind  attention." 

Emily  rose  at  the  instant,  and,  recovering  her  self-possession  at 
once,  said, — 

"  You  forget,  Mr.  Lorrequer,  it  is  a  secret  from  whom  the  flowers 
came ;  at  least  mamma  hoped  to  put  them  in  your  vases  without 
your  knowing.  So  pray  don't  speak  of  it — and  I'm  sure  Mr. 
O'Leary  will  not  tell." 

If  Mr.  O'Leary  heard  one  word  of  this  artful  speech  I  know  not, 
but  he  certainly  paid  no  attention  to  it,  nor  the  speaker,  who  left 
the  room  without  his  appearing  aware  of  it. 

"  Now  that  she  is  gone — for  which  Heaven  be  praised!"  said  I 
to  myself, — "  let  me  see  what  this  fellow  can  mean." 

As  I  turned  from  the  door,  I  could  scarcely  avoid  laughing  aloud 
at  the  figure  before  me.  He  stood  opi)osite  a  large  mirror,  his  hat 
on  one  side  of  his  head,  one  arm  in  his  breast,  and  the  other  ex- 


WISE  RE  SOL  VES.  3 1 1 

tended,  leaning  upon  his  stick ;  a  look  of  as  much  ferocity  as  such 
features  could  accomplish  had  been  assumed,  and  his  whole  attitude 
was  a  kind  of  caricature  of  a  melodramatic  hero  in  a  (Jerman 
drama. 

"Why,  O'Leary,  what  is  all  this?" 

"Hush,  hush!"  said  he,  in  a  terrified  whisper;  "never  mention 
that  name  again  till  we  are  over  the  frontier." 

"  But,  man,  explain  ;  wliat  do  you  mean  ?" 

"  Can't  you  guess  ?"  said  he,  dryly. 

"  Impossible;  unless  the  aflair  at  the  salon  has  induced  you  to  take 
this  disguise,  I  cannot  conceive  the  reason." 

"Nothing  further  from  it,  my  dear  friend;  much  worse  than 
that." 

"  Out  with  it,  then,  at  once." 

"  She's  come — she's  here — in  this  very  house — No.  29,  above  the 
entresol." 

"  "Wlio  is  here,  in  No.  29,  above  the  entresol?" 

"  Who  but  Mrs.  O'Leary  herself  ?  I  was  near  saying,  '  Bad  luck 
to  her !'  " 

"  And  does  she  know  you  are  here  ?" 

"That  is  what  I  can't  exactly  say,"  said  he;  "but  she  has  had 
the  Livre  des  Voyageurs  brought  up  to  her  room,  and  has  been  mak- 
ing rather  unpleasant  inquiries  for  the  proprietor  of  certain  hiero- 
glyphics beginning  with  O,  which  have  given  me  great  alarm — the 
more  so  as  all  the  waiters  have  been  sent  for  in  turn,  and  sulyet^tod 
to  long  examinations  by  her.  So  I  have  lost  no  time,  but,  under  the 
auspices  of  your  friend  Trevanion,  have  become  the  fascinating 
figure  you  find  me,  and  am  now  Count  O'Linski,  a  Pole  of  noble 
family,  banished  by  the  Russian  government,  with  a  fatlier  in 
Siberia,  and  all  that ;  and  I  hope  by  the  end  of  the  week  to  be  able 
to  cheat  at  dearth,  and  deceive  the  very  police  itself." 

The  idea  of  O'Leary's  assuming  such  a  metamorphosis  was  too 
absurd  not  to  throw  me  into  a  hearty  fit  of  laughing,  in  which  the 
worthy  6migr6  indulged  also. 

"  But  why  not  leave  this  at  once,"  said  I,  "  if  you  are  so  much  in 
dread  of  recognition?" 

"You  forget  the  trial,"  added  O'Leary.  "I  must  be  here  on  the 
18th,  or  all  my  bail  is  forfeited." 

"  True ;  I  had  forgotten  that.     Well,  now,  your  plans." 

"Simply  to  keep  very  quiet  here  till  the  affair  of  the  tribunal  is 
over,  and  then  quit  France  at  once.  Meanwhile,  Trevanion  thinks 
that  we  may,  by  a  bold  stratagem,  send  Mrs.  O'Leary  off  on  a  wrong 
scent,  and  has  requested  Mrs.  Bingham  to  contrive  to  make  her 
acquaintance,  and  ask  her  to  tea  in  her  room,  when  she  will  see  me, 


312  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

en  Polonais,  at  a  distance,  you  know,  hear  something  of  my  melan- 
choly destiny  from  Trevanion,  and  leave  the  hotel  quite  sure  she 
has  no  claim  on  me.  Meanwhile,  some  others  of  the  party  are  to 
mention  incidentally  having  met  Mr.  O'Leary  somewhere,  or  heard 
of  his  decease,  or  any  pleasant  little  incident  that  may  occur  to 
them." 

"  The  plan  is  excellent,"  said  I,  "  for  in  all  probability  she  may 
never  come  in  your  way  again,  if  sent  off  on  a  good  errand  this 
time." 

"  That's  what  I'm  thinking,"  said  O'Leary  ;  "  and  I  am  greatly 
disposed  to  let  her  hear  that  I'm  with  Belzoni  in  Egypt,  with  an 
engagement  to  spend  Christmas  with  the  Dey  of  Algiers.  That 
would  give  her  a  very  pretty  tour  for  the  remainder  of  the  year, 
and  show  her  the  Pyramids.  But,  tell  me  fairly,  am  I  a  good 
Pole  ?" 

"  Eather  short,"  said  I,  "  and  a  little  too  fat,  perhaps." 

'*  That  comes  from  the  dash  of  the  Tartar  blood — nothing  more ; 
and  my  mother  was  a  Fin,"  said  he ;  "  she'll  never  ask  whether 
from  the  Blackwater  or  the  Baltic.  How  I  revel  in  the  thought 
that  I  may  smoke  in  company  without  a  breach  of  the  unities.  But 
I  must  go ;  there  is  a  gentleman  with  a  quinsy  in  No.  8,  that  gives 
me  a  lesson  in  Polish  this  morning.  So  good-bye,  and  don't  forget 
to  be  well  enough  to-night,  for  you  must  be  present  at  my  dibut." 

O'Leary  had  scarcely  gone,  when  my  thoughts  reverted  to  Emily 
Bingham.  I  was  not  such  a  coxcomb  as  to  fancy  her  in  love  with 
me;  yet  certainly  there  was  something  in  the  affair  which  looked 
not  unlike  it ;  and  though,  by  such  a  circumstance,  every  embarrass- 
ment which  pressed  upon  me  had  become  infinitely  greater,  I  could 
not  dissemble  from  myself  a  sense  of  pleasure  at  the  thought.  She 
was  really  a  very  pretty  girl,  and  improved  vastly  upon  acquaint- 
ance. Les  absents  out  iovjours  tort  is  the  truest  proverb  in  any  lan- 
guage, and  I  felt  it  in  its  fullest  force  when  Trevanion  entered  my 
room. 

"  Well,  Lorrequer,"  said  he,  "  your  time  is  not  likely  to  hang 
heavily  on  your  hands  in  Paris,  if  occupation  will  prevent  it,  for  I 
find  you  are  just  now  booked  for  a  new  scrape." 

"  What  can  you  mean  ?"  said  I,  starting  up. 

"  Why,  O'Leary,  who  has  been,  since  your  illness,  the  constant 
visitor  at  the  Binghams — dining  there  every  day,  and  spending  his 
evenings — has  just  told  me  that  the  mamma  is  only  waiting  for  the 
arrival  of  Sir  Guy  Lorrequer  in  Paris  to  open  the  trenches  in  all 
form ;  and  from  what  she  has  heard  of  Sir  Guy,  she  deems  it  most 
likely  he  will  give  her  every  aid  and  support  to  making  you  the 
husband  of  the  fair  Emily." 


WISE  liESOL  VES.  313 

"And  with  good  reason,  too,"  said  I ;  "  for  if  my  uncle  were  only 
given  to  uiKkTsland  that  I  had  once  gone  far  in  my  attentions, 
nothing  would  induce  him  to  break  oli'  the  match.  He  was  crossed 
in  love  himself  when  young,  and  has  made  a  score  of  people  misera- 
ble since,  in  the  benevolent  idea  of  marrying  them  against  every 
obstacle." 

"  How  veiy  smart  you  have  become,"  said  Trevanion,  taking  a 
look  round  my  room,  and  surveying  in  turn  each  of  the  new  occu- 
pants ;  "  you  must  certainly  reckon  upon  seeing  your  fair  friend 
here,  or  all  this  elegance  is  sadly  wasted." 

This  was  the  time  to  explain  all  about  Miss  Bingham's  visit;  and 
I  did  so,  of  course  omitting  any  details  which  might  seem  to  me 
needless,  or  involving  myself  in  inconsistency. 

Trevanion  listened  patiently  to  the  end — wa.s  silent  for  some 
moments — then  added : 

"  And  you  never  saw  the  letter  ?" 

"  Of  course  not.     It  was  burned  before  my  eyes." 

"I  think  the  affair  looks  very  serious,  Lorrcquer.  You  may  have 
won  this  girl's  affections.  It  matters  little  whether  the  mamma  be 
a  hackneyed  match-maker,  or  the  cousin  a  bullying  duellist.  If  the 
girl  has  a  heart,  and  that  you  have  gained  it " 

"  Then  I  must  marry,  you  would  say." 

"  Exactly  so — without  the  prompting  of  your  worthy  uncle  ;  I  see 
no  other  course  open  to  you  without  dishonor.  My  advice,  there- 
fore, is,  ascertain — and  that  speedily — how  far  your  attentions  have 
been  attended  with  the  success  you  dread,  and  then  decide  at  once. 
Are  you  able  to  get  as  far  as  Mrs.  Bingham's  room  this  morning? 
If  so,  come  along,  I  shall  take  all  the  frais  of  la  chere  mamma  off 
your  hands,  while  you  talk  to  the  daughter;  and  half  an  hour's 
courage  and  resolution  will  do  it  all." 

Having  made  the  most  effective  toilet  my  means  would  permit, 
my  right  arm  in  a  sling,  and  my  step  trembling  from  weakness,  I 
sallied  forth  with  Trevanion  to  make  love,  with  as  many  fears  for 
the  result  as  the  most  bashful  admirer  ever  experienced  when 
pressing  his  suit  upon  some  haughty  belle — but  for  a  far  different 
reason. 


314  HARRY  LORREQVER. 

CHAPTER  XXXVIII. 

THE  PROPOSAL. 

N  reaching  Mrs.  Bingham's  apartment,  we  found  that  she  had 
just  left  home  to  wait  upou  Mrs.  O'Leary,  and  consequently, 
that  Miss  Bingham  was  alone.  Trevanion,  therefore,  having 
wished  me  a  safe  deliverance  through  my  trying  mission,  shook  my 
hand  warmly,  and  departed. 

I  stood  for  some  minutes  irresolute,  with  my  hand  upon  the  lock 
of  the  door.  To  think  that  the  next  few  moments  may  decide  the 
fortune  of  one's  after-life  is  a  sufBcieutly  anxious  thought;  but  that 
your  fate  may  be  so  decided  by  compelling  you  to  finish  in  sorrow 
what  you  have  begun  in  folly,  is  still  more  insupportable.  Such, 
then,  was  my  condition.  I  had  resolved  within  myself,  if  the 
result  of  this  meeting  should  prove  that  I  had  won  Miss  Bingham's 
affections,  to  propose  for  her  at  once  in  all  form,  and  make  her  my 
wife.  If,  on  the  other  hand,  I  only  found  that  she  too  had  amused 
herself  with  a  little  passing  flirtation,  why,  then,  I  was  a  free  man 
once  more ;  but,  on  catechising  myself  a  little  closer,  I  discovered 
that  I  was  not  indisposed  to  make  love  dc  novo. 

With  the  speed  of  lightning,  my  mind  ran  over  every  passage  of 
our  acquaintance — our  first  meeting — our  solitary  walks — our  daily, 
hourly  associations — our  travelling  intimacy — the  adventure  at 
Chantraine ;  there  was,  it  is  true,  nothing  in  all  this  which  could 
establish  the  fact  of  wooing,  but  everything  which  should  convince 
an  old  offender  like  myself  that  the  young  lady  was  en  prise,  and 
that  I  myself,  despite  my  really  strong  attachment  elsewhere,  was 
not  entirely  scathless. 

"Yes,"  said  I,  half  aloud,  as  I  once  more  reviewed  the  past,  "it 
is  but  another  chapter  in  my  history  in  keeping  with  all  the  rest — 
one  step  has  ever  led  me  to  a  second,  and  so  on  to  a  third ;  what 
with  other  men  have  passed  for  mere  trifles,  have  ever  with  me 
become  serious  difficulties,  and  the  false  enthusiasm  with  which  I 
ever  follow  any  object  in  life,  blinds  me  for  the  time,  and  mistaking 
zeal  for  inclination,  I  never  feel  how  little  my  heart  is  interested 
in  success  till  the  fever  of  pursuit  is  over." 

These  were  pleasant  thoughts  for  one  about  to  throw  himself  at  a 
pretty  girl's  feet,  and  pour  out  his  "  soul  of  love  before  her ;"  but 
that  with  me  was  the  least  part  of  it.  Curran,  they  say,  usually 
picked  up  his  facts  in  a  case  from  the  opposite  counsel's  statements. 
I  always  relied  for  my  conduct  in  carrying  on  anything  to  the 
chance  circumstances  of  the  moment,  trusting  to  my  animal  spirits 
to  give  mc  an  interest  in  whatever  for  the  time  being  engaged  me. 


THE  PROPOSAL.  315 

I  opened  the  door.  Miss  Bingham  was  sitting  at  a  table,  her 
head  leaning  upon  her  hands — some  open  letters  which  lay  before 
her  evidently  so  occupying  her  attention  that  my  ajjproach  was 
unheard.  On  my  addressing  her,  she  turned  round  suddenly,  and 
became  at  first  deep  scarlet,  then  pale  as  death ;  while,  turning  to 
the  table,  she  hurriedly  threw  her  letters  into  a  drawer,  and 
motioned  me  to  a  place  beside  her. 

After  the  first  brief  and  commonplace  inquiry  for  my  health,  and 
hopes  for  my  speedy  recovery,  she  became  silent ;  and  I  too,  primed 
with  topics  innumerable  to  discuss — knowing  how  short  my 
time  might  prove  before  Mrs.  Bingham's  return — could  not  say  a 
word. 

"  I  hope,  Mr.  Lorrequer,"  said  she,  at  length,  "  that  you  have  in- 
curred no  risk  by  leaving  your  room  so  early." 

"  I  have  not,"  I  replied  ;  "  but  even  were  there  a  certainty  of  it, 
the  anxiety  I  labored  under  to  see  and  speak  with  you  alone,  would 
have  overcome  all  fears  on  that  account.  Since  this  unfortunate 
business  has  confined  me  to  my  chamber,  I  have  done  nothing  but 
think  over  circumstances  which  have  at  length  so  entirely  taken 
possession  of  me,  that  I  must  at  any  sacrifice  have  sought  an 
opportunity  to  explain  to  you" — here  Emily  looked  down,  and  I 
continued—"  I  need  scarcely  say  what  my  feelings  must  long  since 
have  betrayed,  that  to  have  enjoyed  the  daily  happiness  of  living  in 
your  society,  of  estimating  your  worth,  of  feeling  your  fascinations, 
were  not  the  means  most  in  request  for  him  who  knew  too  well  how 
little  he  deserved,  either  by  fortune  or  desert,  to  hope  to  make  you 
his ;  and  yet,  how  little  has  prudence  or  caution  to  do  with  situa- 
tions like  this."  She  did  not  guess  the  animus  of  this  speech.  "I 
felt  all  I  have  described ;  and  yet — and  yet — I  lingered  on,  prizing 
too  dearly  the  happiness  of  the  present  hour,  to  risk  it  by  any 
avowal  of  sentiments  which  might  have  banished  me  from  your 
presence  forever.  If  the  alternation  of  these  hopes  and  fears  has 
proved  too  strong  for  my  reason  at  last,  I  cannot  help  it ;  and  this 
it  is  which  now  leads  me  to  make  this  avowal  to  you."  Emily 
turned  her  head  away  from  me ;  but  her  agitated  manner  showed 
how  deeply  my  words  had  affected  her ;  and  I  too,  now  that  I  had 
finished,  felt  that  I  had  been  <'  coming  it  rather  strong" — though 
perhaps  not  very  intelligibly. 

"I  had  hoped,  Mr.  Lorrequer,"  said  she,  at  length — "I  had 
hoped,  I  confess,  to  have  had  an  opportunity  of  speaking  Avith  you." 
Then,  thought  I,  the  game  is  over,  and  Bishop  Luscombe  is 
richer  by  ten  pounds  than  I  wish  him. — "  Something,  I  know  not 
what,  in  your  manner  led  me  to  suspect  that  your  affections  might 
lean  towards  me ;  hints  you  have  dropped,  and  now  and  then  your 


316  EARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

chance  allusions,  strengthened  the  belief,  and  I  determined  at 
length  that  no  feeling  of  maidenly  shame  on  my  part  should  en- 
danger the  happiness  of  either  of  us,  and  I  resolved  to  see  you. 
This  was  so  difficult  that  I  wrote  a  letter,  and  that  letter,  which 
might  have  saved  me  all  distressing  explanation,  I  burned  before 
you  this  morning." 

"  But,  why,  dearest  girl," — here  was  a  plunge, — "  why,  if  the 
letter  could  remove  any  misconstruction,  or  could  be  the  means  of 
dispelling  any  doubt — why  not  have  let  me  see  it?" 

"  Hear  me  out,"  cried  slae  eagerly,  and  evidently  not  heeding  my 

interruption ;  "  I  determined,  if  your  affections  were  indeed "   A 

flood  of  tears  here  broke  forth,  and  drowned  her  words ;  her  head 
sank  between  her  hands,  and  she  sobbed  bitterly. 

"  Corpo  di  Baccho  !"  said  I  to  myself,  "  it  is  all  over  with  me ;  the 
poor  girl  is  evidently  jealous,  and  her  heart  will  break," 

"  Dearest,  dearest  Emily,"  said  I,  passing  my  arm  round  her,  and 
approaching  my  head  close  to  hers,  "  if  you  think  that  any  other 
love  than  yours  could  ever  beat  within  this  heart — that  I  could  see 
you  hourly  before  me — live  beneath  your  smile,  and  gaze  upon  your 
beauty — and  still  more  than  all — pardon  the  boldness  of  the  thought 
— feel  that  I  was  not  indifferent  to  you " 

"  Oh  I  spare  me  this  at  least,"  said  she,  turning  round  her  tearful 
eyes  upon  me,  and  looking  most  bewitchingly  beautiful.  "  Have  I 
then  shown  you  this  plainly?" 

"  Yes,  dearest  girl  1  That  instinct  which  tells  us  we  are  loved  has 
spoken  within  me.     And  here  in  this  beating  heart^ " 

"  Oh  1  say  no  more,"  said  she ;  "  if  I  have  indeed  gained  your 
affections " 

"  If— if  jou  have,"  said  I,  clasping  her  to  my  heart,  while  she 
continued  to  sob  still  violently,  and  I  felt  half  disposed  to  blow  my 
brains  out  for  my  success.  However,  there  is  something  in  love- 
making,  as  in  fox-hunting,  which  carries  you  along  in  spite  of  your- 
self;  and  I  continued  to  pour  forth  whole  rhapsodies  of  love  that 
the  Pastor  Fido  could  not  equal. 

"  Enough,"  said  she, — "  it  is  enough  that  you  love  me,  and  that  I 
have  encouraged  your  so  doing.  But,  oh !  tell  me  once  more — and 
think  how  much  of  future  happiness  may  rest  upon  your  answer — 
tell  me,  may  not  this  be  some  passing  attachment,  which  circum- 
stances have  created,  and  others  may  dispel?  Say,  might  not 
absence,  time,  or  another  more  worthy " 

This  was  certainly  a  very  rigid  cross-examination  when  I  thought 
the  trial  was  over!  and;  not  being  exactly  prepared  for  it,  1  felt  no 
other  mode  of  reply  then  pressing  her  tajjcr  fingers  alternately  to 
my  lips,  and  muttering  something  that  might  pass  for  a  declaration 


TnOUOHTS  UPON  MATEIMONY  IN  GENERAL.  317 

of  love  unalterable,  but  to  my  own  ears,  resembled  a  lament  on  my 
folly. 

"  She  is  mine,  now,"  thought  I,  "  so  we  must  e'en  make  the  best 
of  it;  and  truly  she  is  a  very  handsome  girl,  though  not  a  Lady 
Jane  Callonby.  The  next  step  is  the  mamma ;  but  I  do  not  antici- 
pate much  difficulty  in  that  quarter." 

"Leave  me  now,"  said  she  in  a  low  and  broken  voice;  "but 
promise  not  to  speak  of  this  meeting  to  any  one  before  we  meet 
again,  I  have  my  reasons ;  believe  me,  they  are  sufficient  ones,  so 
promise  me  this  before  we  part," 

Having  readily  given  the  pledge  required,  I  again  kissed  her  hand 
and  bade  farewell,  not  a  little  puzzled  the  whole  time  at  perceiving 
that  ever  since  my  declaration  and  acceptance  Emily  seemed  any- 
thing but  happy,  and  evidently  struggling  against  some  secret  feel- 
ing of  which  I  knew  nothing.  "  Yes,"  thought  I,  as  I  wended  my 
way  along  the  corridor,  "  the  poor  little  girl  is  tremendously  jealous, 
and  I  must  have  said  many  a  thing  during  our  intimacy  to  hurt 
her.  However,  that  is  all  past  and  gone ;  and  now  comes  a  new 
character  for  me.  My  next  appearance  will  be  in  the  part  of  the 
*  happy  husband.' " 


CHATTER    XXXIX. 

THOUGHTS  UPON  MATRIMONY  IN  GENERAL,  AND  THE  ARMY  IN 
PARTICULAR — THE  KNIGHT  OF  KERRY  AND  BILLY  M'CABE, 

HAVING  closed  the  door  of  my  room  behind  me,  I  thought, 
"Yes,  I  am  accepted — the  die  is  cast  which  makes  me  a 
Benedict ;  yet  Heaven  knows  that  never  was  a  man  less  dis- 
posed to  be  over  joyous  at  his  good  fortune!"  AVhat  a  hapi)y  inven- 
tion it  were  if  when  adopting  any  road  in  life  we  could  only  manage 
to  forget  that  we  had  ever  contemplated  any  other!  It  is  the  eternal 
looking  back  in  this  world  that  forms  the  staple  of  all  our  misery ; 
and  we  are  but  ill  requited  for  such  unhappiness  by  the  brightest 
anticipations  we  can  conjure  up  for  the  future.  How  much  of  all 
that  "past"  was  now  to  become  a  soiirce  of  painful  recollection,  and 
to  how  little  of  the  future  could  I  look  forward  with  even  hope ! 

Our  weaknesses  are  much  more  constantly  the  spring  of  all  our 
annoyances  and  troubles  than  even  our  vices.  The  one  we  hold  in 
some  sort  of  subjection  :  we  are  perfect  slaves  to  the  others.  This 
thought  came  home  most  forcibly  to  my  bosom,  as  I  reflected  upon 
the  step  wliich  led  me  on  imperceptibly  to  my  present  embarnuss- 
ment.     "  Well,  c'csi  Jini,  now,"  said  I,  drawing  upon  that  bountiful 


318  HABE  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

source  of  consolation  ever  open  to  tlie  man  who  mars  his  fortun 
that  "  what  is  past  can't  be  amended ;"  which  piece  of  philosophy, 
as  well  as  its  twin  brother,  that  "  all  will  be  the  same  a  hundred 
years  hence,"  have  been  golden  rules  to  me  from  my  childhood. 

The  transition  from  one  mode  of  life  to  another  perfectly  different 
has  ever  seemed  to  me  a  great  trial  of  a  man's  moral  courage ; 
besides  that  the  fact  of  quitting  forever  anything,  no  matter  how 
insignificant  or  valueless,  is  always  attended  with  painful  misgivings. 
My  bachelor  life  had  its  share  of  annoyances  and  disappointments, 
it  is  true ;  but  upon  the  whole,  it  was  a  most  happy  one ;  and  now 
I  was  about  to  surrender  it  forever,  not  yielding  to  the  impulse  of 
affection  and  love  for  one  without  whom  life  were  valueless  to  me, 
but  merely  a  recompense  for  the  indulgence  of  that  fatal  habit  I  had 
contracted  of  pursuing  with  eagerness  every  shadow  that  crossed 
my  path.     All  my  early  friends,  all  my  vagrant  fancies,  all  my  day 
dreams  of  the  future,  I  was  now  to  surrender — for,  what  becomes  of 
any  man's  bachelor  friends  when  he  is  once  married?     Where  are 
his  rambles  in  high-ways  and  by-ways  when  he  has  a  wife  ?  and 
what  is  left  for  anticipation  after  his  wedding,  except  perhaps  to 
speculate  upon  the  arrangement  of  his  funeral?     To  a  military  man 
more  than  to  any  other  these  are  serious  thoughts.     All  the  fascina- 
tions of  an  army  life,  in  war  or  peace,  lie  in  the  daily,  hourly  asso- 
ciations with  your  brother  officers — the  morning  cigar — the  barrack 
square  lounge — the  afternoon  ride — the  game  of  billiards  before 
dinner — the  mess  (that  perfection  of  dinner  society) — the  plans  for 
the  evening — the  devilled  kidney  at  twelve — forming  so  many  points' 
of  departure  whence  you  sail  out  upon  your  daily  voyage  through 
life.      Versxis  these,  you  have  that  awful  perversion  of  all  that  is 
natural — an  officer's  wife.     She  has  been  a  beauty  when  young,  had 
black  eyes  and  high  complexion,  a  good  figure,  rather  inclined  to 
embonpoint,  and  a  certain  springiness  in  her  walk:,  and  a  jauntiness 
in  her  air,  that  are  ever  sure  attractions  to  a  sub.  in  a  marching 
regiment.     She  can  play  backgammon,  and  sing  "  Di  tanti  palpiti," 
and,  if  an  Irishwoman,  is  certain  to  be  able  to  ride  a  steeple-chase, 
and  has  an  uncle  a  lord,  who  [en  parcnthcse)  always  turns  out  to  be 
a  creation  made  by  King  James  after  his  abdication.     In  conclusion, 
she  breakfasts  en  papillotes — wears  her  shoes  down  at  heel — calls 
every  officer  of  the  regiment  by  his  name — has  a  great  taste  for 
increasing  his  majesty's  lieges,  and  delights  in  London  porter.     To 
this  genus  of  Vrow  I  have  never  ceased  to  entertain  the  most  thrill- 
ing abhorrence ;  and  yet  how  often  have  I  seen  what  appeared  to  be 
pretty  and  interesting  girls  fall  into  something  of  this  sort!  and 
how  often  have  I  vowed  any  fate  to  myself  rather  than  become  the 
husband  of  a  baggage-wagon  wife  1 


THOUGHTS  UPON  MATRIMONY  IN  GENERAL.  319 

Had  all  my  most  sanguine  hopes  promised  realizing — had  my 
suit  with  Lady  Jane  been  favorable,  I  could  scarcely  have  bade 
adieu  to  my  bachelor  life  without  a  sigh.  No  prospect  of  future 
happiness  can  ever  perfectly  exclude  all  regret  at  quitting  our  pre- 
sent state  forever.  I  am  sure  if  I  had  been  a  caterpillar,  it  would 
have  been  with  a  heavy  heart  that  I  would  have  donned  my  wings 
as  a  butterfly.  Now  the  metamorphosis  was  reversed :  need  it  be 
wondered  if  I  were  sad  ? 

So  completely  was  I  absorbed  in  my  thoughts  upon  this  matter, 
that  I  had  not  perceived  the  entrance  of  O'Leary  and  Trevanion, 
who,  unaware  of  my  being  in  the  apartment,  as  I  Avas  stretched 
upon  a  sofa  iu  a  dark  corner,  drew  their  chairs  towards  the  fire  and 
began  chatting. 

"  Do  you  know,  Mr.  Trevanion,"  said  O'Leary,  "  I  am  half  afraid 
of  this  disguise  of  mine.  I  sometimes  think  I  am  not  like  a  Pole ; 
and  if  she  should  discover  me " 

"  No  fear  of  that  in  the  world ;  your  costume  is  perfect,  your 
beard  unexceptionable.  I  could  perhaps  have  desired  a  little  less 
paunch  ;  but  then " 

"  That  comes  of  fretting,  as  Falstaff  says ;  and  you  must  not  for- 
get that  I  am  banished  from  my  country," 

"  Now,  as  to  your  conversation,  I  should  advise  you  saying  very 
little — not  one  word  of  English.  You  may,  if  you  like,  call  in  the 
assistance  of  Irish  when  hard  pressed," 

"  I  have  no  fears  on  that  score.  There  is  no  knowing  where  that 
might  lead  to  discovery.  You  know  the  story  of  the  Knight  of 
Kerry  and  Billy  M'Cabe?" 

"  I  fear  I  must  confess  my  ignorance — I  certainly  have  never 
heard  of  it." 

"  Then  maybe  you  never  knew  Giles  Dackson  ?" 

"  I  have  not  that  pleasure  either." 

"  Lord  bless  me,  how  strange  that  is  !  I  thought  he  was  better 
known  tlian  the  Duke  of  Wellington  or  the  travelling  piper.  Well, 
I  must  tell  you  the  story,  for  it  has  a  moral,  too — indeed,  several 
morals ;  but  you'll  find  that  out  for  yourself.  Well,  it  seems  that 
one  day  the  Knight  of  Kerry  was  walking  along  the  Strand  in  Lon- 
don, killing  an  hour's  time,  till  the  House  was  done  prayers,  and 
Hume  tired  of  hearing  himself  speaking ;  his  eye  was  caught  by  an 
enormous  picture  displayed  upon  the  wall  of  a  house,  representing 
a  human  figure  covered  with  long  dark  hair,  with  huge  nails  upon 
his  liands,  and  a  most  fearful  expression  of  face.  At  first  the 
Knight  thought  it  was  Dr.  Bowring;  but  on  coming  nearer,  he 
heard  a  man  with  a  scarlet  livery  and  a  cocked  hat  call  out,  '  Valk 
in,  ladies  and  gentlemen — the  most  vonderful  curiosity  ever  exhib- 


320  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

ited — only  one  sliilling — the  vild  man  from  Cliippoowfingo,  in 
Africay — eats  raw  wittles  without  being  cooked,  and  many  other 
surprising  and  pleasing  performances.' 

"  The  Knight  paid  his  money,  and  was  admitted.  At  first  the 
crowd  prevented  his  seeing  anything — for  the  place  was  full  to  suf- 
focation, and  the  noise  awful — for,  besides  the  exclamations  and 
applause  of  the  audience,  there  were  three  barrel-organs,  playing 
'Home,  sweet  Home!'  and  'Cherry  Eipe,'  and  the  wild  man  him- 
self contributed  his  share  to  the  uproar.  At  last,  the  Knight  ob- 
tained, by  dint  of  squeezing  and  some  pushing,  a  place  in  the  front, 
when,  to  his  very  great  horror,  he  beheld  a  figure  that  far  eclijjsed 
the  portrait  without  doors. 

"  It  was  a  man  nearly  naked,  covered  with  long,  shaggy  hair,  that 
grew  even  over  his  nose  and  cheek  bones.  He  sprang  about,  some- 
times on  his  feet,  sometimes  all-fours,  but  always  uttering  the  most 
fearful  yells,  and  glaring  upon  the  crowd  in  a  manner  that  was 
really  dangerous.  The  Knight  did  not  feel  exactly  happy  at  the 
whole  proceeding,  and  began  heartily  to  wish  himself  back  in  the 
'House,'  even  upon  a  committee  of  privileges,  when  suddenly  the 
savage  gave  a  more  frantic  scream  than  before,  and  seized  upon  a 
morsel  of  raw  beef,  which  a  keeper  extended  to  him  upon  a  long 
fork,  like  a  tandem  whip — he  was  not  safe,  it  appears,  at  close  quar- 
ters ; — this  he  tore  to  pieces  eagerly,  and  devoured  in  the  most  vora- 
cious manner,  amid  great  clapping  of  hands,  and  other  evidences 
of  satisfaction  from  the  audience.  '  I'll  go,  now,'  thoi;ght  the 
Knight,  '  for  God  knows  whether,  in  his  hungry  moods,  he  might 
not  fancy  to  conclude  his  dinner  by  a  member  of  Parliament.'  Just 
at  this  instant  some  sounds  struck  upon  his  ear  that  surprised  him 
not  a  little.  He  listened  more  attentively,  and  conceive,  if  you  can, 
his  amazement  to  find  that,  amid  his  most  fearful  cries  and  wild 
yells,  the  savage  was  talking  Irish.  Laugh  if  you  like,  but  it's  truth 
1  am  telling  you — nothing  less  than  Irish.  There  he  was,  jumping 
four  feet  high  in  the  air,  eating  his  raw  meat,  pulling  out  his  hair 
by  handfuls,  and,  amid  all  this,  cursing  the  whole  company  to  his 
heart's  content,  in  as  good  Irish  as  ever  was  heard  in  Tralee.  Now, 
though  the  Knight  had  heard  of  red  Jews  and  white  Negroes,  he 
had  never  happened  to  read  any  account  of  an  African  Irishman  ; 
so  he  listened  very  closely,  and  by  degrees,  not  only  were  the  words 
known  to  him,  but  the  very  voice  was  familiar.  At  length,  some- 
thing he  heard  left  no  further  doubt  upon  his  mind,  and,  turning  to 
the  savage,  he  addressed  him  in  Irish,  at  the  same  time  fixing  a  look 
of  most  scrutinizing  import  upon  him. 

"  '  Who  are  you,  you  scoundrel  ?'  said  the  Knight. 

"  '  Billy  M'Cabe,  your  honor.' 


A  REMINISCENCE.  321 

"'And  what  do  you  mean  by  playinj;  ofT these  tricks  here,  instead 
of  earning  your  bread  like  an  honent  man?' 

"' Whisht  1'  said  Billy,  'and  keep  the  secret.  I'm  earning  the 
rent  for  your  honor.  One  must  do  many  a  queer  thing  that  pays 
two  pound  ten  an  acre  for  bad  land.' 

"  This  was  enough :  the  Knight  wished  Billy  every  success,  and 
left  him  amid  the  vociferous  applause  of  a  well-satisfied  audience. 
This  adventure,  it  seems,  has  made  the  worthy  Knight  a  great  friend 
to  the  introduction  of  i)Oor-laws ;  for,  he  remarks  very  truly,  '  more 
of  Billy's  countrymen  might  take  a  fancy  to  a  savage  life  if  the 
secret  was  found  out.'  " 

It  was  impossible  for  me  to  preserve  my  ineognito,  as  Mr.  O'Leary 
concluded  his  story,  and  I  was  obliged  to  join  in  the  mirth  of  Tre- 
vanion,  who  laughed  loud  and  long  aa  he  finished  it. 


CHAPTER  XL. 

A  EEMINISCENCB. 

T  REV  ANION  and  O'Leary  had  scarcely  left  the  room,  when 
the  waiter  entered  with  two  letters — the  one  bore  a  German 
post-mark,  and  was  in  the  well-known  hand  of  Lady  Callonby 
— the  other  in  a  writing  with  which  I  was  no  less  familiar — that  of 
Emily  Bingham. 

Let  any  who  has  been  patient  enough  to  follow  me  through  these 
"  Confessions,"  conceive  my  agitation  at  this  moment.  There  lay 
my  fate  before  me,  coupled,  in  all  likelihood,  with  a  view  of  what  it 
might  have  been  under  happier  auspices — at  least  so  in  anticipa- 
tion did  I  read  the  two  unopened  epistles.  My  late  interview  with 
Miss  Bingham  left  no  doubt  upon  my  mind  that  I  had  secured  her 
affections ;  and  acting  in  accordance  M'ith  the  counsel  of  Trevanion, 
no  less  than  my  own  sense  of  right,  I  resolved  upon  marrying  her, 
with  what  prospect  of  happiness  I  dared  not  to  think  of ! 

Alas !  alas  !  there  is  no  infatuation  like  the  taste  for  flirtation — 
mere  empty,  valueless,  heartless  flirtation.  You  hide  the  dice-box 
and  the  billiard  cue,  lest  your  son  become  a  gambler — you  put 
aside  the  Racing  Calendar,  lest  he  imbibe  a  jockey  predilection; 
but  you  never  tremble  at  his  fondness  for  white  muslin  and  a  satin 
slipper,  far  more  dangerous  tastes  tliough  they  be,  and  infinitely 
more  perilous  to  a  man's  peace  and  prosperity,  than  all  the  "  Queens 
of  trumps"  that  ever  figured,  whether  on  p:istel)oard  or  the  Don- 
caster  !  "  Woman's  my  wakeness,  ycr  honor,"  said  an  honest  Pat- 
21 


822  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

lander,  on  being  charged  before  the  lord  mayor  with  having  four 
wives  living ;  and  without  having  any  such  "Algerine  act"  upon  my 
conscience,  I  must,  I  fear,  enter  a  somewhat  similar  plea  for  my 
downfallings,  and  avow  in  humble  gratitude  that  I  have  scarcely 
had  a  misfortune  through  life  unattributable  to  them  in  one  way  or 
another.  And  this  I  say  without  any  reference  to  country,  class,  or 
complexion,  "  black,  brown,  or  fair ;"  from  my  first  step  forth  into 
life,  a  raw  sub.  in  the  gallant  4 — th,  to  this  same  hour,  I  have  no 
other  avowal,  no  other  confession  to  make.  "  Be  always  ready  with 
the  pistol,"  was  the  dying  advice  of  an  Irish  statesman  to  his  sons : 
mine,  in  a  similar  circumstance,  would  rather  be  "  Gardez-voii-t  des 
femmes,"  and  more  especially  if  they  be  Irish. 

There  is  something  almost  treacherous  in  the  facility  with  which 
an  Irish  girl  receives  your  early  attentions  and  appears  to  like  them, 
that  invariably  turns  a  young  fellow's  head  very  long  before  he  has 
any  prospect  of  touching  her  heart.  She  thinks  it  so  natural  to  be 
made  love  to,  that  thei-e  is  neither  any  aflected  coyness  nor  any 
agitated  surprise.  She  listens  to  your  declaration  of  love  as  quietly 
as  the  chief  justice  would  to  one  of  laAv,  and  refers  the  decision  to 
a  packed  jury  of  her  relatives,  who  rarely  recommend  you  to  mercy. 
Love  and  fighting,  too,  are  so  intimately  united  in  Ireland  that  a 
courtship  rarely  progresses  without  at  least  one  exchange  of  shots 
between  some  of  the  parties  concerned.  My  first  twenty-four  hours 
in  Dublin  is  so  pleasantly  characteristic  of  this,  that  I  may  as  well 
relate  it  here,  while  the  subject  is  before  us ;  besides,  as  these 
"Confessions"  are  intended  as  warnings  and  guides  to  youth,  I  may 
convey  a  useful  lesson,  showing  why  a  man  should  not  "  make  love 
in  the  dark." 

It  was  upon  a  raw,  cold,  drizzling  morning  in  February,  18 — , 
that  our  regiment  landed  on  the  North-wall  from  Liverpool,  whence 
we  had  been  hurriedly  ordered  to  repress  some  riots  and  disturbances 
then  agitating  Dublin. 

We  marched  to  the  Royal  Barracks,  our  band  playing  "  Patrick's 
Day,"  to  the  very  considerable  admiration  of  as  naked  a  population 
as  ever  loved  music.  The  — th  Dragoons  were  at  the  same  time  quar- 
tered there — right  pleasant,  jovial  fellows,  who  soon  gave  us  to  under- 
stand that  the  troubles  were  over  before  we  arrived,  and  that  the 
great  city  authorities  were  now  returning  thanks  for  their  preserva- 
tion from  fire  and  sword  by  a  series  of  entertainments  of  the  most 
costly,  but  somewhat  incongruous,  kind — the  company  being  scarce 
less  mixed  than  the  dishes.  Peers  and  playactors,  judges  and 
gaolers,  archbishops,  tailors,  attorneys,  rope-makers  and  apothe- 
caries, all  uniting  in  the  festive  delight  of  good  feeling,  and  drink- 
ing the  "  glorious  memory" — but  of  whom,  half  the  company  knew 


A  IlEMrNISCENCE.  323 

not,  only  surmising  it  was  "  something  agin  the  Papists."  You  may 
smile,  but  these  were  pleasant  times,  and  I  searccly  care  to  go  back 
there  since  they  were  changed.  But  to  return.  The  — th  had  just 
received  an  invitation  to  a  ball,  to  be  given  by  the  high  sherifT,  and 
to  which  they  most  considerately  said  we  should  also  be  invited. 
This  negotiation  was  so  well  managed,  that  before  noon  we  all 
received  our  cards  from  a  green-liveried  youth,  mounted  upon  a 
very  emaciated  pony — the  whole  turn-out  not  auguring  flatteringly 
of  the  high  sheriffs  taste  in  equipage. 

We  dined  with  the  — th,  and,  as  customary  before  going  to  an 
evening  party,  took  the  "  other  bottle"  of  claret  that  lies  beyond 
the  frontier  of  prudence.  In  fact,  from  the  lieutenant-colonel  down 
to  the  newly-joined  ensign,  there  was  not  a  face  in  the  party  that 
did  not  betray  "  signs  of  the  times"  that  promised  most  favorably  for 
the  mirth  of  the  sheriffs  ball.  We  were  so  perfectly  up  to  the 
mark,  that  our  major,  a  Connemara  man,  said,  as  we  left  the  mess- 
room,  "a  liqueur  glass  would  spoil  us." 

In  this  acme  of  our  intellectual  wealth,  we  started  about  eleven 
o'clock  upon  every  species  of  conveyance  that  chance  could  press 
into  the  service.  Of  hackney-coaches  there  were  few,  but  in  jingles, 
noddies,  and  jaunting-cars,  with  three  on  a  side  and  "  one  in  the 
well,"  we  mustered  strong.  Down  Barrack  street  we  galloped,  the 
mob  cheering  us,  we  laughing,  and  I'm  afraid  shouting  a  little,  too — 
the  watchmen  springing  their  rattles,  as  if  instinctively  at  noise, 
and  the  whole  population  up  and  awake,  evidently  entertaining  a 
higli  opinion  of  our  convivial  qualities.  Our  voices  became  grad- 
ually more  decorous,  however,  as  we  approached  the  more  civilized 
quarter  of  the  town  ;  and  with  only  the  slight  stoppage  of  the  pro- 
cession to  pick  up  an  occasional  dropper-off,  as  he  lapsed  from  the 
seat  of  a  jaunting  car,  we  arrived  at  length  at  our  host's  residence, 
somewhere  in  Sackville  street. 

Had  our  advent  conferred  the  order  of  knighthood  upon  the  host, 
he  could  not  have  received  us  with  more  delight.  He  shook  us  all 
in  turn  by  the  hand,  to  the  number  of  eight-and-thirty,  and  then 
presented  us  seriatim  to  his  spouse,  a  very  bejewelled  lady  of  some 
forty  years,  who,  what  between  bugles,  feathers,  and  her  turban, 
looked  excessively  like  a  Chinese  pagoda  upon  a  saucer.  The  rooms 
were  crowded  to  suflbcation — the  noise  awful — and  the  company 
crushing  and  elbowing  rather  a  little  more  than  you  expect  where 
the  moiety  are  of  the  softer  sex.  However,  we  all  so  perfectly  fell 
in  with  the  habits  of  the  place,  that,  ere  half  an  hour,  we  squeezed, 
ogled,  leered,  and  drank  champagne  like  the  rest  of  the  corporation. 

"Devilish  hot  work  this,"  said  the  colonel,  as  ho  passed  me  with 
two  rosy-cheeked,  smiling  ladies  on  either  arm  ;  "  the  mayor — that 


824  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

little  fellow  in  the  punch-colored  shorts — has  very  nearly  put 
me  hors  de  combat  with  strong  negus;  take  care  of  him,  I  advise 
you." 

Tipsy  as  I  felt  myself,  I  was  yet  suflBciently  clear  to  be  fully  alive 
to  the  drollery  of  the  scene  before  me.  Flirtations  that,  under  other 
circumstances,  would  demand  the  secrecy  and  solitude  of  a  country 
green  lane,  or  some  garden  bower,  were  here  conducted  in  all  the 
open  effrontery  of  wax-lights  and  lustres ;  looks  were  interchanged, 
hands  were  squeezed,  and  soft  things  whispered,  and  smiles  returned ; 
till  the  intoxication  of  "  punch  negus  "  and  spiced  port  gave  way  to 
the  far  greater  one  of  bright  looks  and  tender  glances.  Quadrilles 
and  country  dances — waltzing  there  was  none  (perhaps  all  for  the 
best) — whist,  backgammon,  loo — unlimited  for  uproar — sandwiches, 
and  warm  liquors,  employed  us  pretty  briskly  till  supper  was  an- 
nounced, when  a  grand  squeeze  took  place  on  the  stairs — the  popu- 
lation tending  thitherward  with  an  eagerness  that  a  previous  starva- 
tion of  twenty-four  hours  could  alone  justify.  Among  this  dense 
mass  of  moving  muslin,  velvet  and  broadcloth,  I  found  myself 
chaperoning  an  extremely  tempting  little  damsel,  with  a  pair  of 
laughing  blue  eyes  and  dark  eyelashes,  who  had  been  committed  to 
my  care  and  guidance  for  the  passage. 

"Miss  Moriarty,  Mr.  Lorrequer,"  said  an  old  lady  in  green  and 
spangles,  who  I  afterwards  found  was  the  lady  mayoress. 

"  The  nicest  girl  in  the  room,"  said  a  gentleman  with  a  Tipperary 
accent,  "and  has  a  mighty  sweet  place  near  Athlone." 

The  hint  was  not  lost  upon  me,  and  I  speedily  began  to  "make 
up"  to  my  charge ;  and  before  we  reached  the  supper-room,  learned 
certain  particulars  of  her  history,  which  I  have  not  yet  forgotten. 
She  was,  it  seems,  sister  to  a  lady  then  in  the  room,  the  wife  of  an 
attorney,  who  rejoiced  in  the  pleasing  and  classical  appellation  of 
Mr.  Mark  Anthony  Fitzpatrick  ;  the  aforesaid  Mark  Anthony  being 
a  tall,  raw-boned,  black-whiskered,  ill-looking  dog,  that  from  time 
to  time  contrived  to  throw  very  uncomfortable-looking  glances  at 
me  and  Mary  Anne  (for  she  was  so  named)  the  whole  time  of  supper. 
After  a  few  minutes,  however,  T  totally  forgot  him,  and,  indeed, 
everything  else,  in  the  fascination  of  my  fair  companion.  She 
shared  her  chair  with  me,  upon  which  I  supported  her  by  my  arm 
passed  around  the  back;  we  ate  our  pickled  salmon,  jelly,  blanc- 
mange, cold  chicken,  ham,  and  custard  off  the  same  plate,  with  an 
occasional  squeeze  of  the  finger,  as  our  hands  met — her  eyes  making 
sad  havoc  with  me  all  the  while,  as  I  poured  my  tale  of  love — love, 
lasting,  burning,  all-consuming — into  her  not  unwilling  ear. 

"All  I  now,  ye'r  not  in  earnest?" 

"  Yes,  Mary  Anne,  by  all  that's " 


A  REMINISCENCE.  325 

"  Well,  there  now,  don't  swear,  and  take  care— sure  Mark  An- 
thony is  looking." 

"  Murk  Anthony  bo " 

"Oh!  how  passionate  you  are;  I'm  sure  I  never  could  live  easy 
with  you.  There,  now,  give  me  some  sponge-cake,  and  don't  be 
squeezing  me,  or  they'll  see  you." 

"  Yes,  to  my  heart,  dearest  girl." 

"  Och,  it's  cheese  you're  giving  me,"  said  she,  with  a  grimace  that 
nearly  cured  my  passion. 

"  A  cottage,  a  hut,  with  you — with  you  /"  said  I,  in  a  cadence  that 
I  defy  Macready  to  rival.  "  What  is  worldly  splendor,  or  the 
empty  glitter  of  rank?" 

I  here  glanced  at  my  epaulets,  upon  which  I  saw  her  eyes  riveted. 

"Isn't  the  ginger-beer  beautifull"  said  she,  emptying  a  glass  of 
champagne. 

Still  I  was  not  to  be  roused  from  my  trance,  and  continued  my 
courtship  as  warmly  as  ever. 

"  I  suppose  you  will  come  home  now  ;"  said  a  gruff  voice  behind 
Mary  Anne. 

I  turned  and  perceived  Mark  Anthony  with  a  grim  look  of  pecu- 
liar import. 

"  Oh,  Mark,  dear,  I'm  engaged  to  dance  another  set  with  this  gen- 
tleman." 

"  Ye  are,  are  ye  ?"  replied  Mark,  eyeing  me  a.skance.  "  Troth  and 
I  think  the  gentleman  would  be  better  if  he  went  off  to  his  flea-bag 
himself." 

"  In  my  then  mystified  intellect,  this  west-country  synonym  foi 
a  bed  a  little  puzzled  me. 

"  Yes,  sir,  the  lady  la  engaged  to  me ;  have  you  anything  to  say 
to  that?" 

"  Nothing  at  present,  at  all,"  said  Mark,  almost  timidly. 

"  Oh  dear,  oh  dear,"  sobbed  Mary  Anne ;  "  they're  going  to  fight, 
and  he'll  be  killed — I  know  he  will." 

For  which  of  us  this  fate  was  destined  I  stopped  not  to  consider, 
but  taking  the  lady  under  my  arm,  elbowed  my  way  to  the  drawing- 
room,  amid  a  very  sufficient  patting  upon  the  back,  and  thumping 
between  the  shoulders,  bestowed  by  members  of  the  company  who 
approved  of  my  proceedings.  The  three  fiddles,  the  flute,  and  bas- 
soon, that  formed  our  band,  being  by  this  time  sufliciently  drunk, 
played  after  a  fashion  of  their  own,  which  by  one  of  those  strange 
sympathies  of  our  nature,  imparted  its  influence  to  our  legs,  and  a 
country  dance  was  performed  in  a  style  of  free  and  easy  gesticula- 
tion that  defies  description.  At  the  end  of  eighteen  couple,  tired  of 
my  exertions — and  they  were  not  slight — I  leaned  my  back  against 


826  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

the  wall  of  the  room,  which  I  now,  for  the  first  time,  perceived  was 
covered  with  a  very  peculiar  and  novel  species  of  hanging — no  less 
than  a  kind  of  rough,  green  baize  cloth,  that  moved  and  floated  at 
every  motion  of  the  air.  I  paid  little  attention  to  this,  till  suddenly 
turning  my  head,  something  gave  way  behind  it.  I  felt  myself 
struck  upon  the  back  of  the  neck,  and  fell  forward  into  the  room, 
covered  by  a  perfect  avalanche  of  fenders,  fire-irons,  frying-pans,  and 
copper-kettles,  mingled  with  the  lesser  artillery  of  small  nails,  door- 
keys,  and  hold-fasts.  There  I  lay  amid  the  most  vociferous  mirth  I 
ever  listened  to,  under  the  confounded  torrent  of  ironmongery  that 
half  stunned  me.  The  laughter  over,  I  was  assisted  to  rise,  and 
having  drunk  about  a  pint  of  vinegar,  and  had  my  face  and  temples 
washed  in  strong  whisky  punch — the  allocation  of  the  fluids  being 
mistaken — I  learned  that  our  host,  the  high  sheriff,  was  a  celebrated 
tin  and  iron  man,  and  that  his  ball-room  was  no  other  than  his 
magazine  of  metals,  and  that  to  conceal  the  well-filled  shelves  from 
the  gaze  of  his  aristocratic  guests,  they  were  clothed  in  the  manner 
related ;  which  my  unhappy  head,  by  some  misfortune,  displaced, 
and  thus  brought  on  a  calamity  scarcely  less  afflicting  to  him  than 
to  myself.  I  should  scarcely  have  stopped  to  mention  this  here, 
were  it  not  that  Mary  Anne's  gentle  nursing  of  me  in  my  misery 
went  far  to  complete  what  her  fascination  had  begun  ;  and  although 
she  could  not  help  laughing  at  the  occurrence,  I  forgave  her  readily 
for  her  kindness. 

"  Remember,"  said  I,  trying  to  ogle  through  a  black  eye,  painted 
by  the  angle  of  a  register  grate — "  remember,  Mary  Anne,  I  am  to 
see  you  home." 

"  Oh  !  dear,  sir,  sure  I  don't  know  how  you  can  manage  it " 

Here  Mark  Anthony's  entrance  cut  short  her  speech,  for  he  came 
to  declare  that  some  of  the  officers  had  taken  his  coach,  and  was,  as 
might  be  supposed,  in  a  towering  passion. 

"If,  sir,"  said  I,  with  an  air  of  the  moat  balmy  courtesy — "if  I 
can  be  of  any  use  in  assisting  you  to  see  your  friends  home " 

"  Ah !  then,  ye'r  a  nice-looking  article  to  see  ladies  home.  I  wish 
you  seen  yourself  this  minute,"  said  he. 

As  I  felt  it  would  be  no  breach  of  the  unities — time,  place,  and 
everything  considered — to  smash  his  skull,  I  should  certainly  have 
proceeded  to  do  so,  had  not  a  look  of  the  most  imploring  kind  from 
Mary  Anne  restrained  me.  By  this  time  he  had  taken  her  under 
the  arm,  and  was  leading  her  away.  I  stood  irresolute,  till  a  glance 
from  my  charmer  caught  me,  when  I  rallied  at  once,  and  followed 
them  down  stairs.  Here  the  scene  was  to  the  full  as  the  above ;  the 
cloaking,  shawling,  shoeing,  &c.,  of  the  ladies  being  certainly  as 
mirth-moving  a  process  as  I  should  wish  to  see.     Here  were  mothers 


A  REMINISCENCE.  327 

trying  to  collect  their  daughters,  as  a  hen  her  chiclcena,  and  as  in 
that  case  the  pursuit  of  one  usually  lost  all  the  others ;  testy  papas 
swearing,  lovers  leering,  as  they  twisted  the  boas  round  the  fair 
throats  of  their  sweethearts ;  vows  of  love  mingling  with  lamenta- 
tions for  a  lost  slipper  or  a  stray  mantle.  Sometimes  the  candles 
were  extinguished,  and  tlie  mSlee  became  greater,  till  order  and 
lights  were  restored  together.  Meanwhile,  each  of  our  fellows  had 
secured  his  fair  one,  save  myself,  and  I  was  exposed  to  no  small 
ridicule  for  my  want  of  tact.  Nettled  by  this,  I  made  a  plunge  to 
the  corner  of  the  room,  where  Mary  Anne  was  shawling ;  I  recog- 
nized her  pink  sash,  threw  her  cloak  over  her  shoulders,  and  at  the 
very  moment  that  Mark  Anthony  drew  his  wife's  arm  within  his,  I 
performed  the  same  by  my  friend,  and  followed  them  to  the  door. 
Here  the  grim  brother-in-law  turned  round  to  take  Mary  Anne's 
arm,  and  seeing  her  with  me,  merely  gave  a  kind  of  hoarse  chuckle, 
and  muttered,  "  Very  well,  sir !  Upon  my  conscience,  you  will  have 
it,  I  see."  During  this  brief  interval,  so  occupied  was  I  in  watching 
him,  that  I  never  once  looked  in  my  fair  friend's  face ;  but  the 
gentle  squeeze  of  her  arm  as  she  leaned  upon  me,  assured  me  that  I 
had  her  approval  of  what  I  was  doing. 

What  were  the  precise  train  of  my  thoughts  and  what  the  sub- 
jects of  conversation  between  us  I  am,  unfortunately,  now  unable  to 
recollect.  It  is  sufficient  to  remember  that  I  could  not  believe  five 
minutes  had  elapsed  when  we  arrived  at  York  street. 

"  Then  you  confess  you  love  me,"  said  I,  as  I  squeezed  her  arm  to 
my  side.     "  Then,  by  this  kiss,  I  swear  never  to  relinquish " 

What  I  was  about  to  add,  I  am  sure  I  know  not ;  but  true  it  is 
that  a  certain  smacking  noise  here  attracted  Mr.  Mark  Anthony's 
attention,  who  started  round,  looked  us  full  in  the  face,  and  then 
said,  gravely,  "  Enough  is  as  good  as  a  feast.  I  wish  you  pleasant 
drames,  Mr.  Larry  Kar,  if  that's  your  name ;  and  you'll  hear  from 
me  in  the  morning." 

"  I  intend  it,"  said  I.   "  Good-night,  dearest !  Think  of "    The 

slam  of  the  street  door  in  my  face  spoiled  the  peroration,  and  I 
turned  towards  home. 

By  the  time  I  reached  the  barracks,  the  united  effects  of  cham- 
pagne, sherry,  and  Sheffield  iron,  had  in  a  good  measure  subsided, 
and  my  head  had  become  sufficiently  clear  to  permit  a  slight  retro- 
spect of  the  evening's  amusement. 

From  two  illusions  I  was  at  last  awakened.  First,  the  high 
sheriff's  ball  was  not  the  most  accurate  representation  of  high 
society  ;  secondly,  T  was  not  deeply  enumorod  of  Mary  Anne  Mori- 
arty,  Strange  as  it  may  seem,  and  how  little  soever  the  apparent 
connection  between  those  two  facts,  the  truth  of  one  had  a  couside- 


328  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

rable  influence  in  deciding  the  other.  " JV'  importe,"  said  I,  "  the 
thing  is  over ;  it  was  rather  good  fiin,  too,  upon  the  whole,  saving 
the  chute  des  casseroles;  and  as  to  the  lady,  she  must  have  seen  it  was 
a  joke  as  well  as  myself.  At  least,  so  I  am  decided  it  shall  be  ;  and 
as  there  was  no  witness  to  our  conversation,  the  thing  is  easily  got 
out  of." 

The  following  day,  as  I  was  dressing  to  ride  out,  my  servant 
announced  no  less  a  person  than  Mr.  Mark  Anthony  Fitzpatrick, 
who  said  "  that  he  came  upon  a  little  business,  and  must  see  me 
immediately." 

Mr.  Fitzpatrick,  upon  being  announced,  speedily  opened  his 
negotiation  by  asking,  in  very  terse  and  unequivocal  phrase,  my 
intentions  regarding  his  sister-in-law.  After  professing  the  most 
perfect  astonishment  at  the  question,  and  its  possible  import,  I 
replied  that  she  was  a  most  charming  person,  with  whom  I  intended 
to  have  nothing  whatever  to  do. 

"And  maybe  you  never  proposed  for  her  at  the  ball  last 
night?" 

"  Propose  for  a  lady  at  a  ball  the  first  time  I  ever  met  her  !" 
"  Just  so.     Can  you  carry  your  memory  so  far  back  ?  or  perhaps 
I  had  better  refresh  it."    And  he  here  repeated  the  whole  substance 
of  my  conversation  on  my  way  homeward,  sometimes  in  the  very 
words  I  had  used. 

"  But,  my  dear  sir,  the  young  lady  never  could  have  supposed  I 
used  such  language  as  this  you  have  repeated  ?" 

"  So,  then,  you  intend  to  break  off?  Well,  then,  it's  right  to  tell 
you  that  you're  in  a  very  ugly  scrape,  for  it  was  my  wife  you  took 
home  last  night — not  Miss  Moriarty  ;  and  I  leave  you  to  choose  at 
your  leisure  whether  you'd  rather  be  defendant  in  a  suit  for  breach 
of  promise  or  seduction  ;  and,  upon  my  conscience,  I  think  it's  civil 
in  me  to  give  you  a  choice." 

What  a  pretty  disclosure  was  here  I  So  that  while  I  was  imagin- 
ing myself  squeezing  the  hand  and  winning  the  heart  of  the  fair 
Mary  Anne,  I  was  merely  making  a  case  of  strong  evidence  for  a 
jury,  that  might  expose  me  to  the  world,  and  half  ruin  me  iu 
damages.  There  was  but  one  course  open — to  make  a  fight  for  it ; 
and  from  what  I  saw  of  my  friend  Mark  Anthony,  this  did  not  seem 
diflicult. 

I  accordingly  assumed  a  high  tone — laughed  at  the  entire  affair — 
said  it  was  "  a  way  we  had  in  the  army" — that  "  we  never  meant 
anything  by  it,"  &c. 

in  a  few  minutes  I  perceived  the  bait  was  taking.  Mr.  Fitzpat- 
rick's  west  country  blood  was  up.  All  thought  of  the  legal  resource 
was  abaudoued,  and  he  iiuug  out  of  the  room  to  find  a  friend,  I 


A  REMINISCENCE.  329 

having  given  him  the  name  of  "  one  of  ours"  as  mine  upon  the 
occasion. 

Very  little  time  was  lost,  for  before  three  o'clock  that  afternoon  a 
meeting  was  fixed  for  the  following  morning  at  the  North  Bull ;  and 
I  had  the  satisfaction  of  hearing  that  I  only  escaped  the  malignant 
eloquence  of  Holmes  in  the  King's  Bench,  to  be  "  blazed  "  at  by  the 
best  shot  on  the  western  circuit.  The  thought  was  not  agreeable, 
and  I  indemnified  myself  for  the  scrape  by  a  very  satisfactory 
anathema  upon  the  high  sheriff,  and  his  confounded  saucepans ;  for 
to  the  lady's  sympathy  for  my  sufierings  I  attributed  much  of  my 
folly. 

At  eight  the  next  morning  I  found  myself  standing  with  Curzon 
and  the  doctor  upon  the  bleak  portion  of  her  Majesty's  dominions 
they  terra  the  North  Bull,  waiting,  in  a  chilly  rain  and  a  raw  fog, 
till  it  pleased  Mark  Anthony  Fitzpatrick  to  come  and  shoot  me — 
such  being  the  precise  terms  of  our  combat  in  the  opinion  of  all 
parties. 

The  time,  however,  passed  on,  and  half-past  eight,  three-quarters, 
and  at  last  nine  o'clock,  without  his  appearing;  when,  just  as  Cur- 
zon had  resolved  upon  our  leaving  the  ground,  a  hack-jaunting  car 
was  seen  driving  at  full  speed  along  the  road  near  us.  It  came 
nearer,  and  at  length  drew  up ;  two  men  leaped  off  and  came  towards 
us,  one  of  whom,  as  he  came  forward,  took  off  his  hat  politely,  and 
introduced  himself  as  Mr.  O'Gorman,  the  fighting  friend  of  Mark 
Anthony. 

"  It's  a  mighty  unpleasant  business  I'm  come  upon,  gentlemen," 
said  he.  "  Mr.  Fitzpatrick  has  been  unavoidably  prevented  from 
having  the  happiness  to  meet  you  this  morning " 

"  Then  you  can't  expect  us,  sir,  to  dance  attendance  upon  him 
here  to-morrow,"  said  Curzon,  interrupting. 

"  By  no  manner  of  means,"  replied  the  other,  placidly,  "  for  it 
would  be  equally  inconvenient  for  him  to  be  here  then.  But  I  have 
only  to  say,  that  as  I'm  here  for  my  friend,  and  know  all  the  par- 
ticulars of  the  case,  maybe  you'd  have  the  kindness  to  waive  all 
etiquette,  and  let  me  stand  in  his  place." 

"Certainly  and  most  decidedly  not,"  said  Curzon.  "Waive 
etiquette ! — why,  sir,  we  have  no  quarrel  with  you ;  never  saw  you 
before." 

"  Well,  now,  isn't  this  hard?"  said  Mr.  O'Gorman,  addressing  his 
friend,  who  stood  by  with  a  pistol-case  under  his  arm  ;  "  but  I  told 
Mark  that  I  was  sure  they'd  be  standing  upon  punctilio,  for  they 
were  English.  Well,  sir,"  said  lie,  turning  towards  Curzon,  "there's 
but  one  way  to  arrange  it  now,  that  I  see.  Mr.  Fitzpatrick,  you 
must  know,  was  arrested  this  morning  for  a  trifle  of  one  hundred 


830  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

and  forty  pounds.  If  you,  or  your  friend  there,  will  join  us  in  the 
bail,  we  can  get  Mna  out,  and  he'll  fight  you  in  the  morning  to  your 
satisfaction." 

When  the  astonishment  this  proposal  had  created  subsided,  we 
assured  Mr.  O'Gorman  that  we  were  noways  disposed  to  pay  such  a 
price  for  our  amusement — a  fact  that  seemed  considerably  to  sur- 
prise both  him  and  his  friend — and  adding,  that  to  Mr.  Fitzpatrick 
personally  we  should  feel  bound  to  hold  ourselves  pledged  at  a 
future  period,  we  left  the  ground,  Curzon  laughing  heartily  at  the 
original  expedient  thus  suggested,  while  I  inwardly  pronounced  a 
most  glowing  eulogy  on  the  law  of  imprisonment  for  debt. 

Before  Mr.  Fitzpatrick  obtained  the  benefit  of  the  act,  we  were 
ordered  abroad,  and  I  have  never  since  heard  of  him. 


CHAPTER  XLI. 

THE  TWO  LETTERS. 

FROM  the  digression  of  the  last  chapter  I  was  recalled  by  the 
sight  of  the  two  letters  which  lay,  during  my  reverie,  un- 
opened before  me.     I  first  broke  the  seal  of  Lady  Callonby's 
epistle,  which  ran  thus : — 

"  MtTNicH,  La  Croix  Blanche. 

"  My  Dear  Mr.  Lorrequer  : — I  have  just  heard  from  Kilkee 
that  you  are  at  length  about  to  pay  us  your  long-promised  visit, 
and  write  these  few  lines  to  beg  that  before  leaving  Paris  you  will 
kindly  execute  for  me  the  commissions  of  which  I  enclose  a  for- 
midable list,  or  at  least  as  many  of  them  as  you  can  conveniently 
accomplish.  Our  stay  here  now  will  be  so  short,  that  it  will  require 
all  your  despatch  to  overtake  us  before  reaching  Milan,  Lady  Jane's 
health  requiring  an  immediate  change  of  climate.  Our  present 
plan  is  to  winter  in  Italy,  although  such  will  interfere  considerably 
with  Lord  Callonby,  who  is  pressed  much  by  his  friends  to  accept 
office.  However,  all  this  and  other  gossip  I  reserve  for  our  meet- 
ing. Meanwhile  adieu !  and  if  any  of  my  commissions  bore  you, 
omit  them  at  once,  except  the  white  roses  and  the  Brussels  veil, 
which  Lady  Jane  is  most  anxious  for. 

"  Sincerely  yours, 

"  Charlotte  Callonby." 

How  much  did  these  few  and  apparently  commonplace  lines  con- 
vey to  me  f    First,  my  visit  was  not  only  expected,  but  actually 


THE  TWO  LETTERS.  331 

looted  forward  to,  canva«<.se(l — perhaps  I  mijilit  almost  whisper  to 
myself  the  flattery — wished  for.  Again,  Lady  Jane's  health  was 
spoken  of  as  precarious;  less  actual  illness — 1  said  to  myself — than 
mere  delicacy,  requiring  the  bluer  sky  and  warmer  air  of  Italy. 
Perhaps  her  spirits  were  affected — some  mental  malady — some  ill- 
placed  passion — cjue  sais-je?  In  fact,  my  brain  ran  on  so  fast  in  its 
devisings,  that  by  a  quick  process,  less  logical  than  pleasing,  I  sat- 
isfied myself  that  the  lovely  Lady  Jane  Callonby  was  actually  in 
love,  with  whom  let  the  reader  guess  at.  And  Lord  Callonby  too, 
about  to  join  the  ministry — well,  all  the  better  to  have  one's  father- 
in-law  in  power — promotion  is  so  cursedly  slow  nowadays.  And 
lastly,  the  sly  allusion  to  the  commissions — the  malice  of  intro- 
ducing her  name  to  interest  me.  With  such  materials  as  these  to 
build  upon,  frail  as  they  may  seem  to  others,  I  found  no  difficulty 
in  regarding  myself  as  the  dear  friend  of  the  family,  and  the 
acknowledged  suitor  of  Lady  Jane. 

In  the  midst,  however,  of  all  my  self-gratulation,  my  eye  fell 
upon  the  letter  of  Emily  Bingham,  and  I  suddenly  remembered 
how  fatal  to  all  such  happy  anticipations  it  might  prove.  I  tore 
it  open  in  passionate  haste  and  read  : — 

"  My  Dear  Mr.  Lorrequer  : — As  from  the  interview  we  have 
had  this  morning  I  am  inclined  to  believe  that  I  have  gained  your 
affections,  I  think  that  I  should  ill  requite  such  a  state  of  your 
feeling  for  me  were  I  to  conceal  that  I  cannot  return  you  mine — in 
fact,  that  they  are  not  mine  to  bestow.  This  frank  avowal,  what- 
ever pain  it  may  have  cost  me,  I  think  I  owe  to  you  to  make.  You 
will  ])erhaps  say,  the  confession  should  have  been  earlier;  to  which 
I  reply,  it  should  have  been  so,  had  I  known,  or  even  guessed  at 
the  nature  of  your  feelings  for  me.  For — and  I  write  it  in  all 
truth,  and  with  perfect  respect  for  you — I  only  saw  in  your  atten- 
tions the  flirting  habits  of  a  man  of  the  world,  with  a  very  un- 
formed and  ignorant  girl  of  eighteen,  with  whom,  as  it  was  his 
amusement  to  travel,  he  deemed  it  worth  his  while  to  talk.  I  now 
see,  and  bitterly  regret,  my  error,  yet  deem  it  better  to  make  this 
painful  confession  than  suffer  you  to  remain  in  a  delusion  which 
may  involve  your  happiness  in  the  wreck  of  mine.  I  am  most 
faithfully  your  friend, 

"Emily  Bingham." 

"  What  a  charming  girl  she  is  !"  I  cried,  as  I  finished  the  letter  ; 
"how  full  of  true  feeling,  how  honorable,  how  straightforward  1 
and  yet  it  is  devilish  strange  how  cunningly  she  played  her  |iart — 
and  it  seems  now  that  I  never  did  touch  her  affections ;  Master 


S32  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

Harry,  I  begin  to  fear  you  are  not  altogether  the  awfiil  lady-killer 
you  have  been  thinking,"  Thus  did  I  meditate  upon  this  singular 
note — my  delight  at  being  once  more  "  free"  mingling  with  some 
chagrin  that  I  was  jockeyed,  and  by  a  young  miss  of  eighteen  too. 
"  Confoundedly  disagreeable  if  the  mess  knew  it,"  thought  I.  "  Per 
Baccho !  how  they  would  quiz  upon  my  difficulty  to  break  off  a 
match,  when  the  lady  was  only  anxious  to  get  rid  of  me. 

"  This  affair  must  never  come  to  their  ears,  or  I  am  ruined ;  and 
now,  the  sooner  all  negotiations  are  concluded  the  better.  I  must 
obtain  a  meeting  with  Emily,  acknowledge  the  truth  and  justice  of 
all  her  views,  express  my  deep  regret  at  the  issue  of  the  affair,  slyly 
hint  that  I  have  been  merely  playing  her  own  game  back  upon  her ; 
for  it  would  be  the  devil  to  let  her  go  off  with  the  idea  that  she  had 
singed  me,  yet  never  caught  fire  herself;  so  that  we  both  shall  draw 
stakes,  and  part  friends." 

This  valiant  resolution  taken,  I  wrote  a  very  short  note,  begging 
an  interview,  and  proceeded  to  make  as  formidable  a  toilet  as  I  could 
for  the  forthcoming  meeting,  before  I  had  concluded  which,  a  verbal 
answer  by  her  maid  informed  me  that  "  Miss  Bingham  was  alone, 
and  ready  to  receive  me." 

As  I  took  my  way  along  the  corridor,  I  could  not  help  feeling  that 
among  all  my  singular  scrapes  and  embarrassing  situations  through 
life,  my  present  mission  was  certainly  not  the  least — the  difliculty, 
such  as  it  was,  being  considerably  increased  by  my  own  confounded 
amour  propre,  that  would  not  leave  me  satisfied  with  obtaining  my 
liberty,  if  I  could  not  insist  upon  coming  off  scathless  also.  In  fact, 
I  was  not  content  to  evacuate  the  fortress,  if  I  were  not  to  march 
out  with  all  the  honors  of  war.  This  feeling  I  neither  attempt  to 
palliate  nor  defend ;  I  merely  chronicle  it  as  are  too  many  of  these 
Confessions,  a  matter  of  truth,  yet  not  the  less  a  subject  for  sorrow. 

My  hand  was  upon  the  lock  of  the  door.  I  stopped,  hesitated, 
and  listened,  I  certainly  heard  something.  Yes,  it  is  too  true — she 
is  sobbing.  What  a  total  overthrow  of  all  my  selfish  resolves,  all 
my  egotistical  plans,  did  that  slight  cadence  give.  She  was  crying 
— her  tears  for  the  bitter  pain  she  concluded  I  was  suffering  doubt- 
less mingling  with  sorrow  for  her  own  sources  of  grief — for  it  was 
clear  to  me  that  whoever  may  have  been  my  favored  rival,  the 
attachment  was  either  unknown  to  or  unsanctioned  by  the  mother. 
I  wished  I  had  not  listened ;  all  my  determinations  Avcre  completely 
routed,  and  as  I  opened  the  door,  I  felt  my  heart  beating  almost 
audibly  against  my  side. 

In  a  subdued  half-light — tempered  through  the  rose-colored  cur- 
tains, with  a  small  china  cup  of  newly-phickod  moss-roses  upon  the 
table — sat,  or  rather  leaned,  Emily  Bingham,  her  face  buried  in  her 


THE  TWO  LETTERS.  833 

hands  as  I  entered.     She  did  not  licar  my  approach,  so  that  I  had 
above  a  minute  to  admire  the  graceful  character  of  her  head,  and 
the  fine  unduhiting  curve  of  her  neck  and  shoulders,  before  1  spoke. 
"  Mias  Bingham,"  said  I 

She  started — looked  up — her  dark  blue  eyes,  brilliant  though 
tearful,  were  fixed  upon  me  for  a  second,  as  if  searching  my  very 
inmost  thoughts.  She  held  out  her  hand,  and  turning  her  head 
aside,  made  room  for  me  on  the  sofa  beside  her.  "  Strange  girl," 
thought  I,  "that  in  the  very  moment  of  breaking  with  a  man  for- 
ever, puts  on  her  most  fascinating  toilet,  arrays  herself  in  her  most 
bewitching  manner,  and  gives  him  a  reception  only  calculated  to 
turn  hia  head,  and  render  him  ten  times  more  in  love  than  ever.'* 
Her  hand,  which  remained  still  in  mine,  was  burning  as  if  in  fever, 
and  the  heaving  movement  of  her  neck  and  shoulders  showed  me 
how  much  this  meeting  cost  her.  We  were  both  silent,  till  at  length, 
feeling  that  any  chance  interruption  might  leave  us  as  far  as  ever 
from  understanding  each  other,  I  resolved  to  begin. 

"My  dear,  dear  Emily,"  I  said,  "do  not,  I  entreat  of  you,  add  to 
the  misery  I  am  this  moment  enduring  by  letting  me  see  you  thus. 
Whatever  your  wrongs  towards  me,  this  is  far  too  heavy  a  retribu- 
tion. My  object  was  never  to  make  you  wretched ;  if  I  am  not  to 
obtain  the  bliss  to  strive  and  make  you  hapi)y " 

"  Oh  I  Harry" — this  was  the  first  time  she  had  ever  so  called  me — • 
"how  like  you,  to  think  of  me — of  me,  at  such  a  time,  as  if  I  was 
not  the  cause  of  all  our  present  unhappiness — but  not  wilfully,  not 
intentionally.  Oh,  no,  no — your  attentions — the  flattery  of  your 
notice,  took  me  at  once,  and  in  the  gratification  of  my  self-esteem, 
I  forgot  all  else.  I  heard,  too,  that  you  were  engaged  to  another,  and 
believing,  as  I  did,  that  you  were  trifling  with  my  affections,  I  spared 
no  effort  to  win  yours.     I  confess  it,  I  wished  this  with  all  my  soul." 

"  And  now,"  said  I,  "  that  you  have  gained  them  " — here  was  a 
pretty  sequel  to  my  well-matured  plans  ! — "  and  now,  Emily " 

"But  have  I  really  done  so?"  said  she,  hurriedly  turning  round 
and  fixing  her  large  full  eyes  upon  me,  while  one  of  her  hands 
played  carelessly  through  my  hair — "have  I  your  heart — your 
whole  heart?" 

"  Can  you  doubt  it,  dearest?"  said  I,  passionately  pressing  her  to 
my  bosom,  and  at  the  same  time  muttering,  "  What  the  devil's  in 
the  wind  now  ;  we  are  surely  not  going  to  patch  up  our  separation, 
and  make  love  in  earnest?" 

There  she  lay,  her  head  upon  my  shoulder,  her  long,  brown, 
waving  ringlets  falling  loosely  across  my  face  and  on  my  bosom, 
her  hand  in  mine.  What  were  her  thoughts  I  cannot  guess ;  mine 
— God  forgive  me ! — were  a  fervent  wish  either  for  her  mother's 


834  ffAUB  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

appearance,  or  tliat  the  liotel  would  suddenly  take  fire,  or  some 
other  extensive  calamity  arise  to  put  the  finishing  stroke  to  this 
embarrassing  situation. 

None  of  these,  however,  were  destined  to  occur ;  and  Emily  lay 
still  and  motionless  as  she  was,  scarce  seeming  to  breathe,  and  pale 
as  death.  "  What  can  this  mean  ?"  said  I ;  "  surely  this  is  not  the  usual 
way  to  part  with  a  rejected  suitor?  if  it  be,  why  then,  by  Jupiter, 
the  successful  one  must  have  rather  the  worst  of  it — and  I  fervently 
hope  that  Lady  Jane  be  not  at  this  moment  giving  her  cong6  to  some 
disappointed  swain."  She  slowly  raised  her  large,  black-fringed 
eyelids,  and  looked  into  my  face  with  an  expression  at  once  so 
tender  and  so  plaintive,  that  I  felt  a  struggle  within  myself  whether 
to  press  her  to  my  heart,  or what  the  deuce  was  the  alterna- 
tive?— I  hope  my  reader  knows,  for  I  really  do  not!  "  And  after 
all,"  thought  I,  "  if  we  are  to  marry,  I  am  only  anticipating  a  little  ; 
and  if  not,  why  then  a  'chaste  salute,'  as  Winifred  Jenkins  calls  it, 
she'll  be  none  the  worse  for."  Acting  at  once  upon  this  resolve,  I 
leaned  downwards,  and  was  passing  back  her  ringlets  from  her  now 
flushed  cheek,  when  I  was  startled  by  my  name,  which  I  heard 
called  several  times  in  the  corridor.  The  door  at  the  same  instant 
was  burst  suddenly  open,  and  Trevanion  appeared. 

"  Harry,  Harry  Lorrequer,"  cried  he,  as  he  entered ;  then  sud- 
denly checking  himself,  added,  "  a  thousand,  ten  thousand  pardons, 
but " 

"  But  what,"  cried  I,  passionately,  forgetting  all  save  the  situa- 
tion of  poor  Emily  at  the  moment — "  what  can  justify " 

"  Nothing  certainly  can  justify  such  an  intrusion,"  said  Trevanion, 
finishing  my  sentence  for  me,  "  except  the  very  near  danger  you 
run  this  moment  in  being  arrested.  O'Leary's  imprudence  has  com- 
promised your  safety,  and  you  must  leave  Paris  within  an  hour." 

"  Oh,  Mr.  Trevanion,"  said  Emily,  who  by  this  time  had  regained 
a  more  befitting  attitude,  "  pray  speak  out ;  what  is  it  ?  is  Harry — 
is  Mr.  Lorrequer,  I  mean — in  any  danger  ?" 

"  Nothing  of  consequence.  Miss  Bingham,  if  he  only  act  with 
prudence  and  be  guided  by  his  friends.  Lorrequer,  you  will  find 
me  in  your  apartments  in  half  an  hour — till  then  adieu." 

While  Emily  poured  forth  question  after  question  as  to  the 
nature  and  extent  of  my  present  difliculty,  I  could  not  help  tliink- 
ing  of  the  tact  by  which  Trevanion  escaped,  leaving  me  to  make  my 
adieux  to  Emily  as  best  I  might — for  I  saw  in  a  glance  that  I  must 
leave  Paris  at  once.  I  therefore  briefly  gave  her  to  understand  the 
affair  at  the  salon — which  I  suspected  to  be  the  cause  of  the  threat- 
ened arrest — and  w;is  about  to  profess  my  unalterable  attachment, 
when  she  suddenly  stopped  me. 


MH.  O'LEARYS  CAPTURE.  335 

"No,  Mr,  Lorrcquer,  no.  All  is  over  between  ua.  We  must 
never  meet  again — never.  Wc  have  been  both  playing  a  part. 
Good-bye — good-bye :  do  not  altogether  forget  me — and  once  more, 
Harry,  good-bye." 

What  I  might  have  said,  thought,  or  done,  I  know  not ;  but  the 
arrival  of  Mrs.  Bingham's  carriage  at  the  door  left  no  time  for  any- 
thing but  escape.  So,  once  more  pressing  her  hand  firmly  to  my 
lips,  I  said, —  Au  revoir,  Emily,  au  revoir,  not  good-bye,"  and  rush- 
ing from  the  room,  regained  my  room  just  as  Mrs.  Bingham  reached 
the  corridor. 


CHAPTER    XLII. 

MR.   O'LEARY'S  capture. 

MY  first  question  to  myself  as  I  leil  the  room  was,  "Docs 
she  really  care  for  me?  Is  this  story  about  pre-engaged 
affections  merely  a  got-up  thing,  to  try  the  force  of  my 
attachment  for  her?  for  if  not,  her  conduct  is  most  inexplicable; 
and  great  as  my  experience  has  been  in  such  affairs,  I  avow  myself 
out-manoeuvred."  While  I  thought  over  this  difficulty,  Trevanion 
came  up,  and  in  a  few  words  informed  me  more  fully  upon  what  he 
hinted  at  before.  It  appeared  that  O'Leary,  much  more  alive  to 
the  imperative  necessity  of  avoiding  detection  by  his  wife  than  of 
involving  himself  with  the  police,  had  thrown  out  most  dark  and 
mysterious  hints  in  the  hotel  as  to  the  reason  of  his  residence  at 
Paris,  fully  impressed  with  the  idea  that  to  be  a  good  Pole,  he  need 
only  talk  "  revolutionary ;"  devote  to  the  powers  below  all  kings, 
czars,  and  kaisers ;  weep  over  the  wrongs  of  his  nation  ;  wear  rather 
Beedy  habiliments,  and  smoke  profusely.  The  latter  were  with  him 
easy  conditions,  and  he  so  completely  acted  the  former  to  the  life, 
that  he  had  been  that  morning  arrested  in  the  Tuileries  gardens, 
under  several  treasonable  charges — among  others,  the  conspiracy, 
with  some  of  his  compatriots,  to  murder  the  minister  of  war. 

However  laughable  such  an  accusation  against  poor  O'Leary,  one 
circumstance  rendered  the  matter  anything  but  ludicrous.  Although 
he  must  come  off  free  of  this  grave  offence,  yet,  as  the  saloji  transac- 
tion would  necessarily  now  become  known,  I  should  be  immedi- 
ately involved,  and  my  departure  from  Paris  prevented. 

"  So,"  said  Trevanion,  as  he  briefly  laid  before  me  the  difficulty 
of  my  position,  "  you  may  perceive  that  however  strongly  your 
affections  may  be  engaged  in  a  certain  quarter,  it  is  quite  as  well  to 
think  of  leaving  Paris  without  delay.     O'Leary's  arrest  will  be 


336  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

followed  by  yours,  depend  upon  it,  and  once  under  the  surveillance 
of  the  police,  escape  is  impossible." 

"  But,  seriously,  Trevanion,"  said  I,  nettled  at  the  tone  of  raillery 
in  which  he  spoke,  "  you  must  see  that  there  is  nothing  whatever  in 
that  business.  I  was  merely  taking  my  farewell  of  the  fair  Emily. 
Her  affections  have  been  long  since  engaged,  and  I " 

"  Only  endeavoring  to  support  her  in  her  attachment  to  the  more 
favored  rival.     Is  it  not  so  ?" 

"  Come,  no  quizzing.  Faith,  I  began  to  feel  very  uncomfortable 
about  parting  with  her,  the  moment  that  I  discovered  that  I  must 
do  so." 

"  So  I  guessed,"  said  Trevanion,  with  a  dry  look,  "  from  the  in- 
teresting scene  I  so  abruptly  trespassed  upon.  But  you  are  right; 
a  little  bit  of  tenderness  is  never  misplaced,  so  long  as  the  object  is 
young,  pretty,  and  still  more  than  all,  disposed  for  it." 

"Quite  out;  perfectly  mistaken,  believe  me;  Emily  not  only  never 
cared  for  me,  but  she  has  gone  far  enough  to  tell  me  so." 

"Then  from  all  I  know  of  such  matters,"  replied  he,  "you  were 
both  in  a  very  fair  way  to  repair  that  mistake  on  her  part.  But 
hark  I  what  is  this  ?"  A  tremendous  noise  in  the  street  here  inter- 
rupted our  colloquy,  and  on  opening  the  window,  a  strange  scene 
presented  itself  to  our  eyes.  In  the  middle  of  a  dense  mass  of 
moving  rabble,  shouting,  yelling,  and  screaming  with  all  their  might, 
were  two  gendarmes  with  a  prisoner  between  them.  The  unhappy 
man  was  followed  by  a  rather  over-dressed,  middle-aged  looking 
woman,  who  appeared  to  be  desirous  of  bestowing  the  most  coram 
publico  endearments  upon  the  culprit,  whom  a  second  glance  showed 
us  was  O'Leary. 

"I  tell  you,  my  dear  madam,  you  are  mistaken,"  said  O'Leary, 
addressing  her  with  great  sternness  of  manner  and  voice. 

"  Mistaken  I  never,  never.  How  could  I  ever  be  mistaken  in  that 
dear  voice,  those  lovely  eyes,  that  sweet  little  nose?" 

"  Take  her  away ;  she's  deranged,"  said  O'Leary  to  the  gendarmes. 
"  Sure,  if  I'm  a  Pole,  that's  enough  of  misfortune." 

"  I'll  follow  him  to  the  end  of  the  earth,  I  will." 

"  I'm  going  to  the  galleys,  God  be  praised !"  said  O'Leary. 

"To  the  galleys — to  the  guillotine — anywhere,"  responded  she, 
throwing  herself  upon  his  neck,  much  less,  as  it  seemed,  to  his 
gratification  than  that  of  the  mob,  who  laughed  and  shouted  most 
uproariously. 

"  Mrs.  Ram,  ain't  you  ashamed  ?" 

"  He  calls  me  by  my  name,"  said  she,  "  and  he  attempts  to  disown 
me.  Ha  I  ha  I  ha  !  ha  I"  and  immediately  fell  off  into  a  strong  j)nr- 
oxysm  of  kicking,  and  pinching,  and  punching  the  bystanders,  a 


THE  JOURNEY.  337 

malady  well-known  under  the  name  of  hysterics,  but  being  little 
more  than  a  privileged  mode,  among  certain  ladies,  of  paying  off 
some  scores,  which  it  is  not  thought  decent  to  do  iu  their  more 
sober  moments, 

"  Lead  me  away — anywhere — convict  me  of  what  you  like,"  said 
he,  "  but  don't  let  her  follow  me." 

The  gendarmes,  who  little  comprehended  the  nature  of  the  scene 
before  them,  were  not  sorry  to  anticipate  a  renewal  of  it  on  Mrs. 
Eam's  recovery,  and  accordingly  seized  the  opportunity  to  march 
on  with  O'Leary,  who  turned  the  corner  of  the  Rue  Rivoli  under  a 
shower  of  execrations  from  the  mob,  that  fell,  fortunately,  most  un- 
consciously upon  his  ears. 

The  possibility  of  figuring  in  such  a  procession  contributed  much 
to  the  force  of  Trevanion's  reasoning,  and  I  resolved  to  leave  Paris 
at  once. 

"  Promise  me,  then,  to  involve  yourself  in  no  more  scrapes  for 
half-an-hour.  Pack  everything  you  may  want  with  you,  and  by 
seven  o'clock  I  will  be  here  with  your  passport  and  all  ready  for  a 
start." 

With  a  beating  brain,  and  in  a  whirlwind  of  conflicting  thoughts, 
I  threw  my  clothes  hither  and  thither  into  my  trunk  ;  Lady  Jane 
and  Emily  both  flitting  every  instant  before  my  imagination,  and 
frequently  an  irresolution  to  proceed  stopping  all  my  preparations 
for  departure,  I  sat  down  musing  upon  a  chair,  and  half  determined 
to  stay  where  I  was,  come  what  might  of  it.  Finally,  the  possibility 
of  exposure  in  a  trial  had  its  weight.  I  continued  my  occupation 
till  the  last  coat  was  folded,  and  the  lock  turned,  when  I  seated  my- 
self opposite  my  luggage,  and  waited  impatiently  for  my  friend's 
return. 


CHAPTER    XLIII. 

THE  JOURNEY. 

T  REV  ANION  came  at  last.  He  had  obtained  my  passport,  and 
engaged  a  carriage  to  convey  me  about  eight  miles,  where  I 
should  overtake  the  diligence — such  a  mode  of  travelling 
being  judged  more  likely  to  favor  my  escape,  by  attracting  less 
attention  than  posting.  It  was  past  ten  when  I  left  the  Rue  St. 
Honor6,  having  shaken  hands  with  Trevanion  for  the  last  time,  and 
charged  him  with  ten  thousand  soft  messages  for  the  "  friends"  I 
left  behind  me. 
When  I  arrived  at  the  village  of  St.  Jacques,  the  diligence  had 
22 


388  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

not  come  up.  To  pass  away  the  time,  I  ordered  a  little  supper  and 
a  bottle  of  St.  Julian.  Scarcely  had  I  seated  myself  to  my  cutlet, 
when  the  rapid  whirl  of  wheels  was  heard  without,  and  a  cab  drew 
up  suddenly  at  the  door.  So  naturally  does  a  fugitive  suspect  pur- 
suit, that  my  immediate  impression  was  that  I  was  followed.  In 
this  notion  I  was  strengthened  by  the  tones  of  a  cracked,  discordant 
voice,  asking  in  very  peculiar  French  if  the  "  diligence  had  passed  ?" 
Being  answered  in  the  negative,  he  walked  into  the  room  where  I 
was,  and  speedily,  by  his  appearance,  removed  any  apprehensions  I 
had  felt  as  to  my  safety.  Nothing  could  less  resemble  the  tall  port 
and  sturdy  bearing  of  a  gendarme  than  the  diminutive  and  dwarfish 
individual  before  me.  His  height  could  scarcely  have  reached  five 
feet,  of  which  the  head  formed  fully  a  fourth  part ;  and  even  this 
was  rendered  in  appearance  still  greater  by  a  mass  of  loosely  float- 
ing black  hair  that  fell  upon  his  neck  and  shoulders,  and  gave  him 
much  the  air  of  a  "black  lion"  on  a  signboard.  His  black  frock — 
fur-collared  and  braided — his  ill-made  boots,  his  meerschaum  pro- 
jecting from  his  breast-pocket,  above  all,  his  unwashed  hands,  and 
a  heavy  gold  ring  upon  his  thumb — all  made  an  ensemble  of  evi- 
dences that  showed  he  could  be  nothing  but  a  German,  His  manner 
was  bustling,  impatient,  and  had  it  not  been  ludicrous,  would  cer- 
tainly be  considered  as  insolent  to  every  one  about  him,  for  he 
stared  each  person  abruptly  in  the  face,  and  mumbled  some  broken 
expressions  of  his  opinion  of  them  half-aloud  in  German.  His  com- 
ments ran  on  : — "  Bon  soir,  Monsieur,"  to  the  host ;  "  ein  Biisewicht, 
ganz  sicher" — "  a  scoundrel  without  doubt ;"  and  then  added,  still 
lower,  "  Rob  you  here  as  soon  as  look  at  you."  "  Ah,  postilion  I 
comment  va?" — "  much  more  like  a  brigand  after  all — I  know  which 
I'd  take  you  for,"  "  Verfluchte  Fran" — "  how  ugly  the  woman  is." 
This  compliment  was  intended  for  the  hostess,  who  curtseyed  down 
to  the  ground  in  her  ignorance.  At  last,  approaching  me,  he  stopped, 
and  having  steadily  surveyed  me,  muttered,  "  Ein  echter,  Englan- 
der" — "  a  thorough  Englishman,  always  eating."  I  could  not 
resist  the  temptation  to  assure  him  that  I  was  perfectly  aware  of 
his  flattering  impression  in  my  behalf,  though  I  had  speedily  to  re- 
gret my  precipitancy,  for,  less  mindful  of  the  rebuke  than  pleased 
at  finding  some  one  who  understood  German,  he  drew  his  chair  be- 
side me  and  entered  into  conversation. 

Every  one  has  surely  felt,  some  time  or  other  in  life,  the  insuffer- 
able annoyance  of  having  his  thoughts  and  reflections  interfered 
with  and  broken  in  upon  by  the  vulgar  impertinence  and  egotism  of 
some  "  bore,"  who,  mistaking  your  abstraction  for  attention,  and  your 
despair  delight,  inflicts  upon  you  his  whole  life  and  adventures,  when 
your  own  immediate  destinies  are  perhaps  vacillating  in  the  scale. 


THE  JOURNEY.  339 

Such  a  doom  was  now  mine  I  Occupied  as  I  was  by  the  hope  of 
the  future,  and  my  fears  lest  any  impediment  to  my  escape  should 
blast  my  prospects  forever,  I  preferred  appearing  to  pay  attention  to 
this  confounded  fellow's  "personal  narrative,"  lest  his  questions, 
turning  on  my  own  afl'airs,  might  excite  suspicions  as  to  the  reasons 
of  my  journey. 

I  longed  most  ardently  for  the  arrival  of  the  diligence,  trusting 
that,  with  true  German  tlirift,  my  friend  might  prefer  the  cheapness 
of  the  inUrieur  to  the  magnificence  of  the  coup6,  and  that  thus  I 
should  see  no  more  of  him.  But  in  this  pleasing  hope  I  was  des- 
tined to  be  disappointed,  for  I  was  scarcely  seated  in  my  place  when 
I  found  him  beside  me.  The  third  occupant  of  this  "privileged 
den,"  as  well  as  my  lamp-light  survey  of  him  permitted,  afforded 
nothing  to  build  on  as  a  compensation  for  the  German.  He  was  a 
tall,  lanky,  lantern-jawed  man,  with  a  hook  nose  and  projecting 
chin ;  his  hair,  which  had  only  been  permitted  to  grow  very  lately, 
formed  that  curve  upon  his  forehead  which  we  see  in  certain  old- 
fashioned  horse-shoe  wigs ;  his  compressed  lip  and  hard  features 
gave  the  expression  of  one  who  liud  seen  a  good  deal  of  the  world, 
and  didn't  think  the  better  of  it  in  consequence.  I  observed  that 
he  listened  to  the  few  words  we  spoke,  while  getting  in,  with  some 
attention,  and  then,  like  a  person  who  did  not  comi)rehend  the  lan- 
guage, turned  his  shoulder  towards  us,  and  soon  fell  asleep.  I  was 
now  left  to  the  "tender  mercies"  of  my  talkative  companion,  who 
certainly  spared  me  not.  Notwithstanding  my  vigorous  resolves  to 
turn  a  deaf  ear  to  his  narratives,  I  could  not  avoid  learning  that  he 
was  the  director  of  music  to  some  German  prince — that  he  had  been 
to  Paris  to  bring  out  an  opera,  which,  having  had,  as  he  said,  an  "  im- 
mense success !"  he  was  about  to  repeat  in  Strasbourg.  He  further 
informed  me  that  a  depute  from  Alsace  had  obtained  for  him  a  gov- 
ernment permission  to  travel  with  the  courier;  but  that  he,  being 
"social"  withal,  and  not  in  anyway  proud,  preferred  the  democracy 
of  the  diligence  to  the  solitary  grandeur  of  the  caloche  (for  which 
Heaven  confound  him),  and  thus  unfortunately  became  my  present 
companion. 

Music  in  all  its  shapes  and  forms  made  up  the  staple  of  the  little 
man's  talk.  There  was  scarcely  an  opera  or  an  overture,  from  Mo- 
zart to  Donizetti,  that  he  did  not  insist  ui)on  singing  a  scene  from  ; 
and  wound  up  all  by  a  very  pathetic  lamentation  over  English  in- 
sensibility to  music,  which  he  in  great  part  attributed  to  our  having 
only  one  opera,  which  he  kindly  informed  me  was  "  Bob  et  Joan." 
However  indisjwsed  to  clieck  the  current  of  liis  loquacity  by  any 
effort  of  mine,  I  could  not  avoid  the  temptation  to  translate  for  him  a 
atory  which  Sir  Walter  Scott  once  related  to  me,  and  was  so  far 


340  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

d  propos,  as  conveying  my  own  sense  of  the  merits  of  our  national 
music,  such  as  we  have  it,  by  its  associations  with  scenes,  and  per- 
sons, and  places  we  are  all  familiar  with,  however  unintelligible  to 
the  ear  of  a  stranger. 

A  young  French  vicomte  was  fortunate  enough  to  obtain  in  mar- 
riage the  hand  of  a  singularly  pretty  Scotch  heiress  of  an  ancient 
family  and  good  fortune,  who,  amongst  her  other  endowments,  pos- 
sessed a  large  old-fashioned  house  in  a  remote  district  of  the  High- 
lands, where  her  ancestors  had  resided  for  centuries.  Thither  the 
young  couple  repaired  to  pass  the  honeymoon,  the  enamored  bride- 
groom gladly  availing  himself  of  the  opportunity  to  ingratiate  him- 
self with  his  new  connection  by  adopting  the  reclusion  he  saw 
practised  by  the  English  on  such  occasions.  However  consonant  to 
our  notions  of  happiness,  and  however  conducive  to  our  enjoyment 
this  custom  be — and  I  have  strong  doubts  upon  the  subject — it  cer- 
tainly prospered  ill  with  the  volatile  Frenchman,  who  pined  for 
Paris,  its  cafes,  its  boulevards,  its  maisons  de  jue,  and  its  soirees. 
His  days  were  passed  in  looking  from  the  deep  and  narrow  windows 
of  some  oak-framed  room  upon  the  bare  and  heath-clad  moors,  or 
watching  the  cloud  shadows  as  they  passed  across  the  dark  pine- 
trees  that  closed  the  distance. 

Bored  to  death,  and  convinced  that  he  had  sacrificed  enough  and 
more  than  enough,  to  the  barbarism  which  demanded  such  a  sdjour, 
he  was  sitting  one  evening  listlessly  upon  the  terrace  in  front  of  the 
house,  plotting  a  speedy  escape  from  his  gloomy  abode,  and  meditat- 
ing upon  the  life  of  pleasure  that  awaited  him,  when  the  discordant 
twang  of  some  savage  music  broke  upon  his  ear,  and  roused  him 
from  his  reverie.  The  wild  scream  and  fitful  burst  of  a  Highland 
pibroch  is  certainly  not  the  most  likely  thing  in  nature  to  allay  the 
irritable  and  ruffled  feelings  of  an  irascible  person— unless,  perhaps, 
the  hearer  eschew  breeches.  So  thought  the  vicomte.  He  started 
hurriedly  up,  and  straight  before  him,  up  the  gravel  walk,  beheld 
the  stalwart  figure  and  bony  frame  of  an  old  Highlander,  blowing, 
with  all  his  lungs,  the  "  Gathering  of  the  Clans."  With  all  the 
speed  he  could  muster,  he  rushed  into  the  house,  and  calling  his 
servants,  ordered  them  to  expel  the  intruder,  and  drive  him  at  once 
outside  the  demesne.  When  the  mandate  was  made  known  to  the 
old  piper,  it  was  with  the  greatest  difficulty  he  could  be  brought  to 
comprehend  it,  for  time  out  of  mind  his  approach  had  been  hailed 

with  every  demonstration  of  rejoicing;  and  now but  no;   the 

thing  was  impossible — there  must  be  a  mistake  somewhere.  He 
was  accordingly  about  to  recommence,  when  a  second  and  stronger 
hint  suggested  to  him  that  it  were  safer  to  depart.  "  Maybe  the 
'  carl'  didua  like  the  pipes,"  said  the  Highlander,  musingly,  as  he 


THE  JOVRNEY.  341 

packed  them  up  for  his  march.  "Maybe  he  didna  like  m«;  per- 
haps, too,  he  wasna  in  tlie  humor  for  music,"  he  paused  for  an  in- 
stant as  if  reflecting — not  satisfied,  prubably,  that  he  liad  liit  upon 
the  true  solution — when  suddenly  his  eye  brightened,  his  lip  curled, 
and  fixing  a  look  upon  the  angry  Frenchman,  he  said,  "  Maybe  ye 
are  right  enow — ye  heard  them  ower  muckle  in  Waterloo  to  like  the 
skirl  o'  them  ever  since."  With  this  satisfactory  explanation,  made 
in  no  spirit  of  bitterness  or  raillery,  but  in  the  simple  belief  that  he 
had  hit  the  mark  of  the  vicomte's  antipathy,  the  old  man  gathered 
up  his  plaid  and  departed. 

However  disposed  I  might  have  felt  towards  sleep,  the  little  Ger- 
man resolved  I  should  not  obtain  any,  for  when  half-an-hour 
together  I  would  preserve  a  rigid  silence,  he,  nowise  daunted,  had 
recourse  to  some  German  "Lied,"  which  he  gave  forth  with  an 
energy  of  voice  and  manner  that  must  have  aroused  every  sleeper 
in  the  diligence ;  so  that,  fain  to  avoid  this,  I  did  my  best  to  keep 
him  on  the  subject  of  his  adventures,  which,  as  a  man  of  successful 
gallantry,  were  manifold  indeed.  Wearying  at  last,  even  of  this 
subordinate  part,  I  fell  into  a  kind  of  half  doze,  the  words  of  a 
student  song  he  continued  to  sing  without  ceasing  for  above  an  hour 
being  the  last  waking  thought  on  my  memory. 

Less  as  a  souvenir  of  the  singer  than  a  specimen  of  its  class,  I 
give  here  a  rough  translation  of  the  well-known  Bursclien  melody 
called 

THE  POPE. 

The  Pope  he  leads  a  happy  Hfe, 
He  fears  not  married  care,  nor  strife, 
He  drinks  the  best  of  Rhenish  wine — 
I  would  the  Pope's  gay  lot  were  mine. 

CHORUS. 

He  drinks  the  best  of  Rhenish  wine— 
I  would  the  Pope's  gay  lot  were  mine. 

But  then  all  happy's  not  his  life, 
He  has  not  maid,  nor  hloominfi  wife; 
Nor  child  has  he  to  raise  his  hope— 
I  would  not  wish  to  be  the  Pope. 

The  Sultan  better  pleases  me, 

His  is  a  life  of  jollity; 

His  wives  arc  many  as  he  will — 

I  would  the  Sultan's  throne  then  fill. 

But  even  he's  a  wretched  man, 

He  must  obey  his  Alcoran  ; 

And  dares  not  drink  one  drop  of  wino— 

I  would  not  change  his  lot  for  mine. 


342  HAUJi  Y  L  ORREQ  VER. 

So  then  I'll  hold  my  lowly  stand, 
And  live  in  German  Vaterland ; 
I'll  kiss  my  maiden  fair  and  fine, 
And  drink  the  best  of  Rhenish  wine. 

Whene'er  my  maiden  kisses  me, 
I'll  think  that  I  the  Sultan  be  ; 
And  when  my  cheery  glass  I  topo, 
I'll  fancy  then  I  am  the  Pope. 


CHAPTER  XLIV. 

THE  JOURNEY. 

IT  was  with  a  feeling  of  pleasure  I  cannot  explain  that  I  awoke 
in  the  morning  and  found  myself  upon  the  road.  The  turmoil, 
the  bustle,  the  never-ending  difficulties  of  my  late  life  in 
Paris,  had  so  over-excited  and  worried  me,  that  I  could  neither 
think  nor  reflect.  Now,  all  these  cares  and  troubles  were  behind 
me,  and  I  felt  like  a  liberated  prisoner  as  I  looked  upon  the 
gray  dawn  of  the  coming  day,  as  it  gradually  melted  from  its 
dull  and  leaden  tint  to  the  pink  and  yellow  hue  of  the  rising  sun. 
The  broad  and  richly-colored  plains  of  la  belle  France  were  before 
me — and  it  is  la  belle  France,  however  inferior  to  parts  of  England  in 
rural  beauty — the  large  tracts  of  waving  yellow  corn,  undulating 
like  a  sea  in  the  morning  breeze — the  interminable  reaches  of  forest, 
upon  which  the  shadows  played  and  flitted,  deepening  the  effect  and 
mellowing  the  mass,  as  we  see  them  in  Ruysdael's  pictures — while 
now  and  then  some  tall-gabled,  antiquated  chateau,  with  its  muti- 
lated terrace  and  dowager-like  air  of  bygone  grandeur,  would  peep 
forth  at  the  end  of  some  long  avenue  of  lime-trees,  all  having  their 
own  features  of  beauty — and  a  beauty  with  which  every  object 
around  harmonizes  well  The  sluggish  peasant,  in  his  blouse  and 
striped  nightcap — the  heavily  caparisoned  horse,  shaking  his  head 
amidst  a  Babel-tower  of  gaudy  worsted  tassels  and  brass  bells — the 
deeply-laden  wagon,  creeping  slowly  along — are  all  in  keeping  with 
a  scene  where  the  very  mist  that  rises  from  the  valley  seems  indo- 
lent and  lazy,  and  unwilling  to  impart  the  rich  perfume  of  verdure 
with  which  it  is  loaded.  Every  land  has  its  own  peculiar  character 
of  beauty.  The  glaciered  mountain,  the  Alpine  peak,  the  dashing 
cataracts  of  Switzerland  and  the  Tyrol,  are  not  finer  in  their  way 
than  the  long,  flat  moorlands  of  a  Flemish  landscape,  with  its  clump 
of  stunted  willows  clustering  over  some  limpid  brook,  in  which  the 
oxen  are  standing  for  shelter  from  the  noonday  heat,  while,  lower 


THE  JOUUNEY.  843 

down,  some  rude  water-wheel  is  mingling  its  sounds  with  the  Bum- 
mer bees  and  tlie  merry  voiees  of  the  miller  and  liis  companions. 
So  strayed  my  thoughts  as  the  German  shook  me  by  the  arm,  and 
asked  if  "I  were  not  ready  for  my  breakfast?"  Luckily  to  this 
question  there  is  rarely  but  the  one  answer.  Who  is  not  ready  for 
his  breakl'ast  when  on  the  road?  How  delightful,  if  on  the  Conti- 
nent, to  escape  from  the  narrow  limits  of  the  dungeon-like  diligence, 
where  you  sit  with  your  knees  next  your  collar-bone,  fainting  with 
heat  and  suffocated  by  dust,  and  iind  yourself  suddenly  beside 
the  tempting  plats  of  a  little  French  dijeiiner,  with  its  cutlets,  its  fried 
fish,  its  poulet,  its  salad,  and  its  little  entrde  of  fruit,  tempered  with  a 
no  despicable  bottle  of  Beaune.  If  in  England,  the  exchange  ia 
nearly  as  grateful ;  for  though  our  travelling  be  better,  and  our  posi- 
tion less  irksome,  still  it  is  no  small  alternative  from  the  stage-coach 
to  the  inn  parlor,  redolent  of  aromatic  black  tea,  eggs,  and  hot  toast, 
■with  an  hospitable  sideboard  of  lordly  sirloins,  and  York  hams  that 
would  make  a  Jew's  mouth  water.  While  in  America,  the  change 
is  greatest  of  all,  as  any  one  can  vouch  for  who  has  been  suddenly 
emancipated  from  the  stove-heat  of  a  "  nine-inside"  leathern  "  con- 
veniency,"  bumping  ten  miles  an  hour  over  a  corduroy  road,  the 
company  smoking,  if  not  worse,  to  the  ample  display  of  luxurious 
viands  displayed  upon  the  breakfast-table,  where,  what  with  buffalo 
steaks,  pumpkin-pie,  "  chicken  fixings,"  and  other  aristocratically- 
called  temptations,  he  must  be  indeed  fastidious  who  cannot  employ 
his  half  hour.  Pity  it  is,  when  there  is  so  much  good  to  eat,  that 
people  will  not  partake  of  it  like  civilized  beings,  and  with  that  air 
of  cheerful  thankfulness  that  all  other  nations  more  or  less  express 
when  enjoying  the  earth's  bounties.  But  true  it  is,  there  is  a  spirit 
of  discontent  in  the  Yankee,  that  seems  to  accept  of  benefits  with  a 
tone  of  dissatisfaction,  if  not  distrust.  I  once  made  this  remark  to 
an  excellent  friend  of  mine,  now  no  more,  who,  however,  would  not 
permit  of  my  attributing  this  feature  to  the  Americans  exclusively, 
adding,  "Where  have  you  more  of  this  than  in  Ireland?  And 
surely  you  would  not  call  the  Irish  ungrateful?"  He  illustrated  his 
first  remark  by  the  following  short  anecdote  : — 

The  rector  of  the  parish  my  friend  lived  in  was  a  man  who  added 
to  the  income  he  derived  from  his  living  a  very  handsome  private 
fortune,  which  he  devoted  entirely  to  the  benefit  of  the  poor  around 
him.  Among  the  objects  of  his  bounty,  one  old  woman— a  childless 
widow— was  remarkably  distinguished.  Whether  commiserating 
her  utter  helplessness  or  her  complete  isolation,  he  went  further  to 
relieve  her  than  to  many,  if  not  all,  of  the  other  poor.  She  fre- 
quently was  in  the  habit  of  pleading  hor  poverty  as  a  reason  for  not 
api>earing  in  church  among  her  neighbors,  and  he  gladly  seized  an 


344  HAJRB  r  L  ORREQ  UER. 

oppflrtunity  of  so  improving  her  condition  that,  on  this  score  at 
least,  no  impediment  existed.  When  all  his  little  plans  for  her 
comfort  had  been  carried  into  execution,  he  took  the  opportunity 
one  day  of  dropping  in,  as  if  accidentally,  to  speak  to  her.  By 
degrees  he  led  the  subject  to  her  changed  condition  in  life — the 
alteration  from  a  cold,  damp,  smoky  hovel,  to  a  warm,  clean,  slated 
house — the  cheerful  garden  before  the  door  that  replaced  the  mud- 
heap  and  the  duck-pool — and  all  the  other  happy  changes  which  a 
few  weeks  had  effected.  And  he  then  asked,  did  she  not  feel  grate- 
ful to  a  bountiful  Providence,  who  had  showered  down  so  many 
blessings  upon  her  head  ? 

"  Ah,  troth,  it's  thrue  for  yer  honor  I  am  grateful,"  she  replied, 
in  a  whining,  discordant  tone,  which  astonished  the  worthy 
parson. 

"  Of  course  you  are,  my  good  woman — of  course  you  are ;  but  I 
mean  to  say,  don't  you  feel  that  every  moment  you  live  is  too  short 
to  express  your  thankfulness  to  this  kind  Providence  for  what  He 
has  done  ?" 

"  Ah,  darlin',  it's  all  thrue  ;  He's  very  good,  He's  mighty  kind,  so 
He  is." 

"  Why,  then,  not  acknowledge  it  in  a  different  manner  ?"  said 
the  parson,  with  some  heat.  "  Has  he  not  housed  you,  and  fed 
you,  and  clothed  you  ?" 

"  Yes,  alanah.  He  done  it  all." 

"  Well,  where  is  your  gratitude  for  all  those  mercies  ?" 

"  Ah,  sure,  if  He  did,"  said  the  old  crone,  roused  at  length  by  the 
importunity  of  the  questioner, — "  sure  if  He  did,  doesnH  He  take  it 
out  o'  me  in  the  corns  ?" 


CHAPTER  XLV. 

A  REMINISCENCE  OF  THE  EAST. 

THE  breakfast-table  assembled  around  it  the  three  generations 
of  men  who  issued  from  the  three  subdivisions  of  the  dili- 
gence, and  presented  that  motley  and  mixed  assemblage  of 
ranks,  ages,  and  countries  which  forms  so  very  amusing  a  part  of  a 
traveller's  experience. 

First  came  the  haute  aristocracie  of  the  coup6,  then  the  middle 
class  of  the  int6rieur,  and  lastly  the  tiers-6tat  of  the  rotonde,  with  its 
mdange  of  Jew  money-lenders,  undcr-otficcrs  and  their  wives,  a 
Norman  nurse,  with  a  high  cap  and  a  red  jupe ;  while,  to  close  the 
procession,  a  German  student  descended  from  the  roof,  with  a 


A  REMINISCENCE  OF  THE  EAST.  345 

beard,  a  blouse,  and  a  meerschaum.  Of  such  materials  was  our 
party  made  up;  and  yet,  differing  in  all  our  objects  and  interests, 
we  speedily  amalgamated  into  a  very  social  state  of  intimacy,  and 
chatted  away  over  our  breakfast  with  much  good  humor  and  gayety, 
each  person  of  the  number  seeming  pleased  at  the  momentary 
opportunity  of  finding  a  uew  listener,  save  my  tall  companion  of 
the  coup6.  He  preserved  a  dogged  silence,  unbroken  by  even  a 
chance  expression  to  the  waiter,  who  observed  his  wants  and  sup- 
plied them  by  a  species  of  quick  instinct,  evidently  acquired  by 
practice.  As  I  could  not  help  feeling  somewhat  interested  about 
the  hermit-like  attachment  he  evinced  for  solitude,  I  watched  him 
narrowly  for  some  time,  and  at  length  as  the  rod  made  its  appear- 
ance before  him,  after  he  had  helped  himself  and  tiisted  it,  he 
caught  my  eye  fixed  upon  him,  and  looking  at  me  intently  for  a 
few  seconds,  he  seemed  to  be  satisfied  in  some  passing  doubt  he 
labored  under,  as  he  said,  with  a  most  peculiar  shake  of  the  head. 
"  No  mangez,  no  mangez  cela." 

"  Ah,"  said  I,  detecting  in  my  friend's  French  his  English  origin, 
"  you  are  an  Englishman,  I  find." 

"The  devil  a  doubt  of  it,  darling,"  said  he,  half  testily. 

"  An  Irishman,  too — still  better,"  said  I. 

"  Why,  then,  isn't  it  strange  that  my  French  always  shows  me  to 
be  English,  and  my  English  proves  me  Irish?  It's  lucky  for  me 
there's  no  going  farther  anyhow." 

Delighted  to  have  thus  fallen  upon  a  "  character,"  as  the  Irish- 
man evidently  appeared,  I  moved  my  chair  towards  his;  finding, 
however,  he  was  not  half  pleased  at  the  manner  in  which  my 
acquaintance  had  been  made  with  him,  and  knowing  his  country's 
susceptibility  of  being  taken  by  a  story,  I  resolved  to  make  my 
advances  by  narrating  a  circumstance  which  had  once  befallen  me 
in  my  early  life. 

Our  countrymen,  English  and  Irish,  travel  so  much  nowadays, 
that  one  ought  never  to  feel  surprised  at  finding  them  anywhere. 
The  instance  I  am  about  to  relate  will  verify  to  a  certain  extent  the 
fact,  by  showing  that  no  situation  is  too  odd  or  too  unlikely  to  be 
within  the  verge  of  calculation. 

When  the  10th  Foot,  to  which  I  then  belonged,  were  at  Corfu,  I 
obtained,  with  three  other  officers,  a  short  leave  of  absence,  to  make 
a  hurried  tour  of  the  Morea,  and  take  a  passing  glance  at  Constan- 
tinople— in  those  days  much  less  frequently  visited  by  travellers 
than  at  present. 

After  rambling  pleasantly  about  for  some  weeks,  we  were  about 
to  return,  when  we  determined  that  before  sailing  we  should  accept 
an  invitation  some  ofiicers  of  the  Blazer  frigate,  then  stationed 


346  HARRY  LORREQVER. 

here,  had  given  us,  to  pass  a  day  at  Pera,  and  picnic  on  the  moun- 
tain. 

One  fine  bright  morning  was  therefore  selected ;  and  a  most  appe- 
tizing little  dinner  being  carefully  packed  up,  we  set  out,  a  party  of 
fourteen,  upon  our  excursion. 

The  weather  was  glorious,  and  the  scene  far  finer  than  any  of  os 
had  anticipated — the  view  from  the  mountain  extending  over  the 
entire  city,  gorgeous  in  the  rich  coloring  of  its  domes  and  mina- 
rets, while  at  one  side  the  Golden  Horn  was  visible,  crowded  with 
ships  of  every  nation,  and  at  the  other,  a  glimpse  might  be  had  of 
the  Sea  of  Marmora,  blue  and  tranquil  as  it  lay  beneath.  The 
broad  bosom  of  the  Bosphorus  was  sheeted  out  like  a  map  before 
us — peaceful,  yet  bustling  with  life  and  animation.  Here  lay  the 
union-jack  of  old  England,  floating  beside  the  lilies  of  France — we 
speak  of  times  when  lilies  were  and  barricades  were  not — the  tall 
and  taper  spars  of  a  Yankee  frigate  towering  above  the  low  timbers 
and  heavy  hull  of  a  Dutch  schooner — the  gilded  poop  and  carved 
galleries  of  a  Turkish  three-decker  anchored  beside  the  raking 
mast  and  curved  deck  of  a  suspicious-looking  craft,  whose  red- 
capped  dark-visaged  crew  needed  not  the  naked  creese  at  their  sides 
to  bespeak  them  Malays.  The  whole  was  redolent  of  life,  and 
teeming  with  food  for  one's  fancy  to  conjure  from. 

While  we  were  debating  upon  the  choice  of  a  spot  for  our  luncheon 
which  should  command  the  chief  points  of  view  within  our  reach, 
one  of  the  party  came  to  inform  us  that  he  had  just  discovered  the 
very  thing  we  were  in  search  of.  It  was  a  small  kiosk,  built  upon 
a  projecting  rock  that  looked  down  upon  the  Bosphorus  and  the 
city,  and  had  evidently,  from  the  extended  views  it  presented,  been 
selected  as  the  choicest  spot  to  build  upon.  The  building  itself  was 
a  small  octagon,  open  on  every  side,  and  presenting  a  series  of 
prospects,  land  and  seaward,  of  the  most  varied  and  magnificent 
kind. 

Seeing  no  one  near,  nor  any  trace  of  habitation,  we  resolved  to 
avail  ourselves  of  the  good  taste  of  the  founder,  and  spreading  out 
the  contents  of  our  hampers,  proceeded  to  discuss  a  most  excellent 
cold  dinner.  When  the  good  things  had  disappeared,  and  the  wine 
began  to  circulate,  one  of  the  party  observed  that  we  should  not 
think  of  enjoying  ourselves  before  we  had  filled  a  bumper  to  the 
brim  to  the  health  of  our  good  king,  whose  birthday  it  chanced  to 
be.  Our  homeward  thoughts  and  loyalty  uniting,  we  filled  our 
glasses,  and  gave  so  hearty  a  "  hip,  hip,  hurrah,"  to  our  toast,  that 
I  doubt  if  the  echoes  of  tliose  old  rocks  ever  heard  the  equal  of. 

Scarcely  was  the  last  cheer  dying  away  in  the  distance,  when  the 
door  of  the  kiosk  opened,  and  a  negro  dressed  in  white  mualiu 


A  REMINISCENCE  OF  THE  EAST.  347 

appeared,  his  arms  and  ankles  bearing  tliose  hujre  rings  of  massive 
gold  which  only  persons  of  rank  distinguish  their  servants  by. 

After  a  most  profound  obeisance  to  the  parly,  he  explained,  in 
very  tolerable  French,  that  his  master  the  Eliendi,  Ben  Mustapha 
Al  Halak,  at  whose  charge  (in  house  rent)  we  were  then  feasting, 
sent  us  greeting,  and  begged  that  if  not  considered  as  contrary  to  our 
usage,  Ac,  we  should  permit  him  and  his  suite  to  approach  the 
kiosk  and  observe  us  at  our  meal. 

Independent  of  his  politeness  in  the  mode  of  conveying  the 
request,  as  he  would  prove  fully  as  entertaining  a  sight  to  us  its  we 
could  possibly  be  to  him,  we  immediately  expressed  our  great 
willingness  to  receive  his  visit,  coupled  with  a  half-hint  that 
perhaps  he  might  honor  us  by  joining  the  party. 

After  a  half-hour's  delay,  the  door  was  once  more  thrown  open, 
and  a  venerable  old  Turk  entered.  He  salaamed  three  times  most 
reverently,  and  motioned  to  us  to  be  seated,  declining,  at  the  same 
time,  by  a  gen,tle  gesture  of  his  hand,  our  invitation.  He  waa 
followed  by  a  train  of  six  persons,  all  splendidly  attired,  and  attest- 
ing, by  their  costume  and  manner,  the  rank  and  importance  of 
their  chief.  Conceiving  that  his  visit  had  but  one  object — to  ob- 
serve our  convivial  customs — we  immediately  re-seated  ourselves, 
and  filled  our  glasses. 

As  one  after  another  the  officers  of  the  Effendi's  household  passed 
round  the  apartments,  we  offered  them  a  goblet  of  champagne, 
which  they  severally  declined  with  a  polite  but  solemn  smile — all 
except  one,  a  large,  savage-looking  Turk,  with  a  most  ferocious 
scowl,  and  the  largest  black  beard  I  ever  beheld.  He  did  not  con- 
tent himself  with  a  mute  refusal  of  our  offer,  but  stopping  suddenly, 
he  raised  up  his  hands  above  his  head,  and  muttered  some  words  in 
Turkish,  which  one  of  the  party  informed  us  was  a  very  satisfactory 
recommendation  of  the  whole  company  to  Satan  for  their  heretic 
abomination. 

The  procession  moved  slowly  round  the  room,  and  when  it 
reached  the  door  again  retired,  each  member  of  it  salaaming  three 
times  as  he  had  done  on  entering.  Scarcely  had  they  gone  when 
we  burst  into  a  loud  fit  of  laughter  at  the  savage-looking  fellow  who 
thought  proper  to  excommunicate  us,  and  were  about  to  discuss  his 
more  than  common  appearance  of  disgust  at  our  proceedings,  when 
again  the  door  opened,  and  a  turbaned  head  peeped  in,  but  so 
altered  were  the  features,  that  although  seen  but  the  moment 
before,  we  could  hardly  believe  them  the  same.  The  dark  com- 
plexion, the  long  and  bushy  beard,  were  there ;  but  instead  of  the 
sleepy  and  solemn  character  of  the  Ori(>ntal,  with  heavy  eye  and 
closed  lip,  there  was  a  droll  half  devilry  in  the  look,  and  partly 


348  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

open  mouth,  that  made  a  most  laughable  contrast  with  the  head- 
dress. He  looked  stealthily  around  him  for  an  instant,  as  if  to 
see  that  all  was  right,  and  then,  with  an  accent  and  expression  I 
shall  never  forget,  said,  "  Til  taste  your  wine,  gentlemen,  av  it  be  pleasin' 
to  ye" 


CHAPTER    XLVI. 

A  DAY  IN  THE  PHCENIX. 

WHEN  we  were  once  more  in  the  coup6  of  the  diligence,  I 
directed  my  entire  attention  towards  my  Irish  acquaintance, 
as  well  because  of  his  apparent  singularity  as  to  avoid  the 
little  German  in  the  opposite  corner. 

"  You  have  not  been  long  in  France,  then,  sir,"  said  I,  as  we 
resumed  our  conversation. 

"  Three  weeks — it  seems  like  three  years  to  me — nothing  to  eat, 
nothing  to  drink,  and  nobody  to  speak  to.  But  I'U  go  back  soon — 
I  only  came  abroad  for  a  month." 

"  You'll  scarcely  see  much  of  the  Continent  in  so  short  time." 

"  Devil  a  much  that  will  grieve  me — I  didn't  come  to  see  it." 

" Indeed  I" 

"  Nothing  of  the  kind ;  I  only  came — to  be  away  from  home." 

"  Oh  !  I  perceive." 

"  You're  quite  out  there,"  said  my  companion,  misinterpreting 
my  meaning.  "  It  wasn't  anything  of  that  kind.  I  don't  owe  six- 
pence. I  was  laughed  out  of  Ireland — that's  all,  though  that  same 
is  bad  enough." 

"  Laughed  out  of  it  I" 

"  Just  so — and  little  you  know  of  Ireland  if  that  surprises  you." 

After  acknowledging  that  such  an  event  was  perfectly  possible, 
from  what  I  myself  had  experienced  of  that  country,  I  obtained  the 
following  very  brief  account  of  my  companion's  reasons  for  foreign 
travel : — 

"Well,  sir,"  began  he,  "it  is  about  four  months  since  I  brought 
up  to  Dublin  from  Galway  a  little  chestnut  mare,  with  cropped  ears 
and  a  short  tail,  square-jointed,  and  rather  low — -just  what  you'd 
call  a  smart  hack  for  going  to  cover  with — a  lively  thing  on  the  road 
with  a  light  weight.  Nobody  ever  suspected  that  she  was  a  clean- 
bred  thing — own  sister  to  Jenny,  that  won  the  Corinthians,  and  run 
second  to  Giles  for  the  Riddlesworth — but  so  she  was,  and  a  better 
bred  mare  never  leaped  the  pound  in  Ballinasloe.  Well,  I  brought 
her  to  Dublin,  and  used  to  ride  her  out  two  or  three  times  a  week. 


A  DAY  IN  THE  PIKENIX.  349 

making  little  matches  sometimes  to  trot — and,  for  a  thorough-bred, 
she  was  a  clipper  at  trotting — to  trot  a  mile  or  so  on  the  grass — 
another  day  to  gallop  the  longtli  of  the  Nine  Acres  opposite  the 
Lodge — and  then  sometimes  buck  her  for  a  ten-pound  note,  to  jump 
the  biggest  furze-bush  that  could  be  found — all  of  ■which  she  could 
do  with  ease,  nobody  thinking,  all  the  while,  that  the  cock-tailed 
pony  was  by  Scroggins,  out  of  a  '  Lamplighter  mare.'  As  every 
fellow  that  was  beat  to-day  was  sure  to  come  back  to-morrow,  with 
something  better,  either  of  his  own  or  a  friend's,  I  had  matches 
booked  for  everj'  day  in  the  week — for  I  always  made  my  little  boy 
that  rode  win  by  half  a  neck,  or  a  nostril,  and  so  we  kept  on  day 
after  day  pocketing  from  ten  to  thirty  pounds,  or  thereabouts.  It 
was  mighty  pleasant  while  it  lasted,  for  besides  winning  the  money, 
I  had  my  own  fun  laughing  at  the  spoonies  that  never  could  book 
my  bets  fast  enough.  Young  infantry  officers  and  the  junior  bar — 
they  were  for  the  most  part  mighty  nice  to  look  at,  but  very  raw 
about  racing.  How  long  I  might  have  gone  on  in  this  way  I  cannot 
say ;  but  one  morning  I  fell  in  with  a  fat,  elderly  gentleman,  in 
shorts  and  gaiters,  mounted  on  a  dun  cob  pony,  that  was  very  fidgety 
and  hot-tempered,  and  appeared  to  give  the  rider  a  great  deal  of 
uneasiness. 

" '  He's  a  spicy  hack  you're  on,  sir,'  said  I,  '  and  has  a  go  in  him, 
I'll  be  bound.' 

"  *  I  rayther  think  he  has,'  said  the  old  gentleman,  half  testily. 

"  *  And  can  trot  a  bit,  too.' 

"  *  Twelve  Irish  miles  in  fifty  minutes,  with  my  weight.'  Here  he 
looked  down  at  a  paunch  like  a  sugar  hogshead. 

"  '  Maybe  he's  not  bad  across  a  country,'  said  I,  rather  to  humor 
the  old  fellow,  who  I  saw  was  proud  of  his  pony. 

"  *  I'd  like  to  see  his  match,  that's  all.'  Here  he  gave  a  rather 
contemptuous  glance  at  my  hack. 

"  Well,  one  word  led  to  another,  and  it  ended  at  last  in  our  book- 
ing a  match,  with  which  one  party  was  no  less  pleased  than  the 
other.  It  was  this :  each  was  to  ride  his  own  horse,  starting  from 
the  school  in  the  Park,  round  the  Fifteen  Acres,  outside  the  Monu- 
ment, and  back  to  the  start — just  one  heat,  about  a  mile  and  a  half 
— the  ground  good  and  only  soft  enough.  In  consideration,  how- 
ever, of  his  greater  weight,  I  was  to  give  odds  in  the  start ;  and  as 
we  could  not  well  agree  on  how  much,  it  was  at  length  decided  that 
he  was  to  get  away  first,  and  I  to  follow  as  fast  as  I  could,  after 
drinking  a  pewter  quart  full  of  Guinness's  double  stout — droll  odds, 
you'll  say,  but  it  w;us  the  old  fellow's  own  thought,  and  as  the  match 
was  a  soft  one,  I  let  him  have  his  way. 

"  The  next  morning  the  Phoenix  was  crowded  as  if  for  a  review. 


350  BARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

There  were  all  the  Dublin  notorieties,  swarming  in  barouches,  and 
tilburies,  and  outside  jaunting-cars — smart  clerks  in  the  Post-office, 
mounted  upon  kicking  devils  from  Dycer's  and  Lalouette's  stables — 
attorneys'  wives  and  daughters  from  York  street,  and  a  stray  doctor 
or  so  on  a  hack  that  looked  as  if  it  had  been  lectured  on  for  the 
six  winter  months  at  the  College  of  Surgeons.  My  antagonist  was 
half  an  hour  late,  which  time  I  occupied  in  booking  bets  on  every 
side  of  me — offering  odds  of  ten,  fifteen,  and  at  last  twenty-five  to  one 
against  the  dun.  At  last  the  fat  gentleman  came  up  on  a  jaunting- 
car,  followed  by  a  groom  leading  the  cob.  I  wish  you  heard  the  cheer 
that  greeted  him  on  his  arrival,  for  it  appeared  he  was  a  well-known 
character  in  town,  and  much  in  favor  with  the  mob.  When  he  got 
off  the  car,  he  bundled  into  a  tent,  followed  by  a  few  of  his  friends, 
where  they  remained  for  about  five  minutes,  at  the  end  of  which  he 
came  out  in  full  racing  costume — blue  and  yellow-striped  jacket, 
blue  cap  and  leathers — looking  as  funny  a  figure  as  ever  you  set  eyes 
upon.  I  now  thought  it  time  to  throw  off  my  white  surtout,  and 
show  out  in  pink  and  orange,  the  colors  I  had  been  winning  in  for 
two  months  past.  While  some  of  the  party  were  sent  on  to  station 
themselves  at  different  places  round  the  Fifteen  Acres,  to  mark  out 
the  course,  my  fat  friend  was  assisted  into  his  saddle,  and  gave  a 
short  preliminary  gallop  of  a  hundred  yards  or  so,  that  set  us  all 
a-laughing.  The  odds  were  now  fifty  to  one  in  my  favor,  and  I 
gave  them  wherever  I  could  find  takers.  '  With  you,  sir,  if  you 
please,  in  pounds,  and  the  gentleman  in  the  red  whiskers,  too,  if  he 
likes  ;  very  well,  in  half-sovereigns,  if  you  prefer  it.'  So  I  went  on, 
betting  on  every  side,  till  the  bell  rang  to  mount.  As  I  knew  I  had 
plenty  of  time  to  spare,  I  took  little  notice,  and  merely  giving  a  look 
to  my  girths,  I  continued  leisurely  booking  my  bets.  At  last  the 
time  came,  and  at  the  word  '  Away !'  off  went  the  fat  gentleman  on 
the  dun,  at  a  spluttering  gallop,  that  flung  the  mud  on  every  side  of 
us,  and  once  more  threw  us  all  a-laughing.  I  waited  patiently  till 
he  got  near  the  upper  end  of  the  park,  taking  bets  every  minute ; 
now  that  he  was  away,  every  one  offered  to  wager.  At  last,  when  I 
had  let  him  get  nearly  half  round,  and  found  no  more  money  could 
be  had,  I  called  out  to  his  friends  for  the  porter,  and  throwing 
myself  into  the  saddle,  gathered  up  the  reins  in  my  hand.  The 
crowd  fell  back  on  each  side,  while  from  the  tent  I  have  already 
mentioned  out  came  a  thin  fellow  with  one  eye,  with  a  pewter  quart 
in  his  hand;  he  lifted  it  up  towards  me,  and  I  took  it;  but  what 
was  my  fright  to  find  that  the  porter  was  boiling,  and  the  vessel  so 
hot  I  could  barely  hold  it.  I  endeavored  to  drink,  however ;  the 
first  mouthful  took  all  the  skin  off  my  lips  and  tongue,  the  second 
half  choked,  and  the  third  nearly  threw  me  into  an  apoplectic  fit, 


AN  ADVEN€UItE  IN  CANADA.  851 

the  mob  cheering  all  the  time  like  devils.  Meantime,  the  old 
fellow  had  reached  the  furze,  and  was  going  along  like  fun.  Again 
I  tried  the  porter,  and  a  fit  of  coughing  came  on  which  lasted  five 
minutes.  The  pewter  was  so  hot  that  the  edge  of  the  quart  took  a 
piece  of  my  mouth  at  every  effort.  I  ventured  once  more,  and 
with  the  desperation  of  a  madman  I  threw  down  the  hot  liquid 
to  its  last  drop.  My  head  reeled,  my  eyes  glared,  and  my  brain 
was  on  fire.  I  thought  I  beheld  fifty  fat  gentlemen,  riding  on  every 
side  of  me,  and  all  the  sky  raining  jackets  in  blue  and  yellow. 
Half  mechanically  I  took  the  reins,  and  put  spurs  to  my  horse ; 
but  before  I  got  well  away,  a  loud  cheer  from  the  crowd  assailed 
me.  I  turned,  and  saw  the  dun  coming  in  at  a  floundering  gallop, 
covered  with  foam,  and  so  dead  blown  that  neither  himself  nor 
the  rider  could  have  got  twenty  yards  farther.  The  race  was,  how- 
ever, won.  My  odds  were  lost  to  every  man  on  the  field,  and, 
worse  than  all,  I  was  so  laughed  at,  that  I  could  not  venture  out 
in  the  street  without  hearing  allusions  to  my  misfortune :  for  a 
certain  friend  of  mine,  one  Tom  O'Flaherty " 

"  Tom  of  the  8th  Light  Dragoons  ?" 

"  The  same  ;  you  knew  Tom,  then  ?  Maybe  you  have  heard  him 
mention  me — Maurice  Malone  ?" 

"  Not  Mr.  Malone,  of  Fort  Peak  ?" 

"  Bad  luck  to  him.  I  am  as  well  known  in  connection  with  Fort 
Peak  as  the  Duke  is  with  Waterloo.  There  is  not  a  part  of  the 
globe  where  he  has  not  told  that  confounded  story." 

As  my  readers  may  not  possibly  bo  all  numbered  amongst  Mr. 
O'Flahcrty's  acquaintances,  I  shall  venture  to  give  the  anecdote 
which  Mr.  Maloue  accounted  to  be  so  widely  circulated. 


CHAPTER    XLVII. 

AN  ADVENTURE   IN  CANADA. 

TOWARDS  the  close  of  the  last  war  with  America,  a  small  de- 
tachment of  military  occupied  the  little  block-house  of  Fort 
Peak,  which,  about  eight  miles  from  the  Falls  of  Niagara, 
formed  the  last  outpost  on  the  frontier.  The  fort,  in  itself  incon- 
siderable, was  only  of  importance  as  commanding  a  part  of  the 
river  where  it  was  practicable  to  ford,  and  where  the  easy  ascent  of 
the  bank  offered  a  safe  situation  for  the  enemy  to  cross  over,  when- 
ever they  felt  disposed  to  carry  the  war  into  our  territory. 
There  having  been,  however,  no  threat  of  invasion  in  this  quarter, 


352  HABEY  LORREQUER. 

and  the  natural  strength  of  the  position  being  considerable,  a  mere 
handful  of  men,  with  two  subaltern  officers,  were  allotted  for  this 
duty — such  being  conceived  ample  to  maintain  it  till  the  arrival  of 
succor  from  headquarters,  then  at  Little  York,  on  the  opposite  side 
of  the  lake.  The  officers  of  this  party  were  our  old  acquaintance 
Tom  O'Flaherty  and  our  newly-made  one  Maurice  Malone. 

Whatever  may  be  the  merits  of  commanding  officers,  one  virtue 
they  certainly  can  lay  small  claim  to,  viz.,  any  insight  into  char- 
acter, or  at  least  any  regard  for  the  knowledge.  Seldom  are  two 
men  sent  off  on  detachment  duty  to  some  remote  quarter,  to  asso- 
ciate daily  and  hourly  for  months  together,  that  they  are  not,  by 
some  happy  chance,  the  very  people  who  never,  as  the  phrase  is, 
"took  to  each  other"  in  their  lives.  The  gray-headed,  weather- 
beaten,  disappointed  "  Peninsular"  is  coupled  with  the  essenced  and 
dandified  Adonis  of  the  corps ;  the  man  of  literary  tastes  and  culti- 
vated pursuits  with  the  empty-headed,  ill-formed  youth,  fresh  from 
Harrow  or  Westminster.  This  case  offered  no  exception  to  the 
rule ;  for  though  there  were  few  men  possessed  of  more  assimilating 
powers  than  O'Flaherty,  yet  certainly  his  companion  did  put  the 
faculty  to  the  test,  for  anything  more  unlike  him  there  never 
existed.  Tom,  all  good  humor  and  high  spirits — making  the  best 
of  everything — never  nonplussed — never  taken  aback — perfectly  at 
home,  whether  flirting  with  a  Lady  Charlotte  in  her  drawing-room, 
or  crossing  a  grouse  mountain  in  the  Highlands — sufficiently  well 
read  to  talk  on  an  ordinary  topic,  and  always  ready-witted  enough 
to  seem  more  so — a  thorough  sportsman,  whether  showing  forth  to 
his  "  pink  "  at  Melton,  whipping  a  trout-stream  in  Wales,  or  filling 
a  country-house  with  black  cock  and  moor-fowl ;  an  unexceptiona- 
ble judge  of  all  the  good  things  in  life,  from  a  pretty  ankle  to  a 
well-hung  tilbury — from  the  odds  at  hazard  to  the  "  Comet  vin- 
tage." Such,  in  brief,  was  Tom.  Now,  his  confrh-e  was  none  of 
these ;  he  had  been  drafted  from  the  Galway  militia  to  the  line,  for 
some  election  services  rendered  by  his  family  to  the  government 
candidate;  was  of  a  saturnine  and  discontented  habit,  always 
miserable  about  some  trifle  or  other,  and  never  at  rest  till  he  had 
drowned  his  sorrows  in  Jamaica  rum,  which,  since  the  regiment 
was  abroad,  he  had  copiously  used  as  a  substitute  for  whisky.  To 
such  an  extent  had  this  passion  gained  upon  him,  that  a  corporal's 
guard  was  always  in  attendance  whenever  he  dined  out,  to  convey 
him  home  to  the  barracks. 

The  wearisome  monotony  of  a  close  garrison,  with  so  ungenial  a 
companion,  would  have  damped  any  man's  spirits  but  O'Flaherty'a. 
He,  however,  upon  this  as  other  occasions  is  life,  rallied  himself  to 
make  the  best  of  it ;  and  by  short  excursions  within  certain  pre- 


AN  ADVENTURE  IN  CANADA.  353 

scribed  limits  along  the  river  side,  contrived  to  shoot  and  fish 
enougli  to  get  through  the  day,  and  improve  the  meagre  fare  of 
his  mess-table.  Maloue  never  appeared  before  dinner,  his  late  sit- 
tings at  night  requiring  all  the  following  day  to  recruit  him  for  a 
new  attack  upon  the  rum  bottle. 

Now,  although  his  seeing  so  little  of  his  brother  officer  was  any- 
thing but  unpleasant  to  O'Flaherty,  yet  the  ennui  of  such  a  life 
was  gradually  wearing  him,  and  all  his  wits  were  put  in  requisition 
to  furnish  occupation  for  his  time.  Never  a  day  passed  without  hia 
praying  ardently  for  an  attack  from  the  enemy ;  any  alternative, 
any  reverse,  had  been  a  blessing  compared  with  his  present  life. 
No  such  spirit,  however,  seemed  to  animate  the  Yankee  troops  ;  not 
a  solrKer  was  to  be  seen  for  miles  around,  and  every  straggler  that 
passed  the  fort  concurred  in  saying  that  the  Americans  were  not 
within  four  days'  march  of  the  frontier. 

Weeks  passed  over,  and  the  same  state  of  things  remaining  un- 
changed, O'Flaherty  gradually  relaxed  some  of  his  strictness  as  to 
duty,  small  foraging  parties  of  three  and  four  being  daily  permitted 
to  leave  the  fort  for  a  few  hours,  to  which  they  usually  returned 
laden  with  wild  turkeys  and  fish — both  being  found  in  great  abun- 
dance near  them. 

Such  was  the  life  of  the  little  garrison  for  two  or  three  long  sum- 
mer months,  each  day  so  resembling  its  fellow  that  no  diUerence 
could  be  found. 

As  to  how  the  war  was  faring,  or  what  the  aspect  of  affairs  might 
be,  they  absolutely  knew  nothing.  Newspapers  never  reached 
them;  and  whether  from  having  so  much  occupation  at  head- 
quarters, or  that  the  difficulty  of  sending  letters  prevented,  their 
friends  never  wrote  a  line ;  and  thus  they  jogged  on  a  very  vegetable 
existence,  till  thought  at  last  was  stagnating  in  their  brains, 
and  O'Flaherty  half  envied  his  companion's  resource  in  the  spirit 
flask. 

Such  was  the  state  of  affairs  at  the  fort,  when  one  evening 
O'Flaherty  appeared  to  pace  the  little  rampart  that  looked  towards 
Lake  Ontario,  with  an  appearance  of  anxiety  and  impatience 
strangely  at  variance  with  his  daily  phlegmatic  look.  It  seemed 
tiiat  the  corporal's  party  he  had  despatched  that  morning  to  forage 
near  the  "  Falls"  had  not  returned,  and  already  were  four  hours 
later  than  *heir  time  away. 

Every  imaginable  mode  of  accounting  for  their  absence  suggested 
itself  to  his  mind.  Sometimes  he  feared  that  they  had  been  attacked 
by  the  Indian  hunters,  who  were  far  from  favorably  disposed  towards 
their  poaching  neighbors.  Then,  again,  it  might  be  merely  that 
they  had  missed  their  track  in  the  forest ;  or  could  it  be  that  they 
23 


354  HARRY  L ORREQ VER. 

had  ventured  to  reach  Goat  Island  in  a  canoe,  and  had  been  carried 
down  the  rapids?  Such  were  the  torturing  doubts  that  passed,  as 
some  shrill  squirrel  or  hoarse  night  owl  pierced  the  air  with  a  cry^ 
and  then  all  was  silent  again.  While  thus  the  hours  went  slowly 
by,  his  attention  was  attracted  by  a  bright  light  in  the  sky.  It  ap- 
peared as  if  part  of  the  heavens  were  reflecting  some  strong  glare 
from  beneath,  for  as  he  looked,  the  light,  at  first  pale  and  colorless, 
gradually  deepened  into  a  rich  mellow  hue,  and  at  length,  through 
the  murky  blackness  of  the  night,  a  strong  clear  current  of  flame 
rose  steadily  upward  from  the  earth,  and  pointed  towards  the  sky. 
From  the  direction,  it  must  have  been  either  at  the  Falls  or  imme- 
diately near  them ;  and  now  the  horrible  conviction  flashed  upon 
his  mind  that  the  party  had  been  waylaid  by  the  Indians,  who  were, 
as  is  their  custom,  making  a  war-feast  over  their  victims. 

Not  an  instant  was  to  be  lost.  The  little  garrison  beat  to  arms ; 
and  as  the  men  fell  in,  O'Flaherty  cast  his  eyes  around,  while  he 
selected  a  few  brave  fellows  to  accompany  him.  Scarcely  had  the 
men  fallen  out  from  the  ranks,  when  the  sentinel  at  the  gate  was 
challenged  by  a  well-known  voice,  and  in  a  moment  more  the  cor- 
poral of  the  foraging  party  was  among  them.  Fatigue  and 
exhaustion  had  so  overcome  him,  that  for  some  minutes  he  was 
speechless.  At  length  he  recovered  sufficiently  to  give  the  following 
account : — 

The  little  party  having  obtained  their  supply  of  venison  above 
Queenstown,  were  returning  to  the  fort,  Avhen  they  suddenly  came 
upon  a  track  of  feet,  and  little  experience  in  forest  life  soon  proved 
that  some  new  arrivals  had  reached  the  hunting-grounds,  for  on 
examining  them  closely,  they  proved  neither  to  be  Indian  tracks 
nor  yet  those  made  by  the  shoes  of  the  fort  party.  Proceeding  with 
caution  to  track  them  backwards  for  three  or  four  miles,  they  reached 
the  bank  of  the  Niagara  river,  above  the  whirlpools,  where  the 
crossing  is  most  easily  effected  from  the  American  side.  The 
mystery  was  at  once  explained :  it  was  a  surprise  party  of  the 
Yankees,  sent  to  attack  Fort  Peak  ;  and  now  the  only  thing  to  be 
done  was  to  hasten  back  immediately  to  their  friends,  and  prepare 
for  their  reception. 

With  this  intent  they  took  the  river  path  as  the  shortest,  but  had 
not  proceeded  far  when  their  fears  were  confirmed ;  for  in  a  little 
embayment  of  the  bank  they  perceived  a  party  of  twenty  blue  coats, 
who,  with  their  arms  pih'd,  were  lying  around  as  if  waiting  for  the 
hour  of  attack.  The  sight  of  this  party  added  greatly  to  their  alarm, 
for  they  now  perceived  that  the  Americans  had  divided  their  force — 
the  foot-tracks  first  seen  being  evidently  those  of  anotlier  division. 
As  the  corporal  and  his  few  men  continued,  from  the  low  and  thick 


AN  ADVENTURE  IN  CANADA.  355 

brushwood,  to  make  their  reconnoissance  of  the  enemy,  they  observed 
with  delight  that  they  were  not  regulars,  but  a  militia  force.  With 
this  one  animating  thought,  they  again,  with  noiseless  step,  regained 
the  forest,  and  proceeded  upon  their  way.  Scarcely,  however,  had 
they  marched  a  mile,  when  the  sound  of  voices  and  loud  laughter 
apprised  them  that  another  party  was  near,  which,  as  well  as  they 
could  observe  in  the  increasing  gloom,  was  still  larger  than  the 
former.  They  were  now  obliged  to  make  a  considerable  circuit,  and 
advance  still  deeper  into  the  forest,  their  anxiety  hourly  increasing, 
lest  the  enemy  should  reach  the  fort  before  themselves.  In  this 
dilemma  it  was  resolved  that  the  party  should  separate — the  corporal 
determining  to  proceed  alone  by  the  river  bank,  while  the  others,  by 
a  detour  of  some  miles,  should  endeavor  to  learn  the  force  of  the 
Yankees,  and,  as  far  as  they  could,  their  mode  of  attack.  From 
that  instant  the  corporal  knew  no  more ;  after  two  hours'  weary 
exertion,  he  reached  the  fort ;  had  it  been  but  another  mile  distant, 
his  strength  had  not  held  out  for  him  to  attain  it. 

However  gladly  poor  O'Flaherty  might  have  hailed  such  informa- 
tion under  other  circumstances,  now  it  came  like  a  thunderbolt  upon 
him.  Six  of  his  small  force  were  away,  perhaps  ere  this  made 
prisoners  by  the  enemy ;  the  Yankees,  as  well  as  he  could  judge, 
were  a  numerous  party ;  and  he  himself  totally  without  a  single 
adviser — for  Malone  had  dined,  and  was,  therefore,  by  this  time  in 
that  pleasing  state  of  indifference  in  which  he  could  only  recognize 
an  enemy  in  the  man  that  did  not  send  round  the  decanter. 

In  the  half-indulged  hope  that  his  state  might  permit  some  faint 
exercise  of  the  reasoning  faculty,  O'Flaherty  walked  towards  the 
small  den  they  had  designated  as  the  mess-room,  in  search  of  his 
brother-officer. 

As  he  entered  the  apartment,  little  disposed  as  he  felt  to  mirth  at 
such  a  moment,  the  tableau  before  him  was  too  ridiculous  not  to 
laugh  at.  At  one  side  of  the  fireplace  sat  Malone,  his  face  florid 
with  drinking,  and  his  eyeballs  projecting.  Upon  his  head  was  a 
small  Indian  skull-cap,  with  two  peacock's  feathers,  and  a  piece  of 
scarlet  cloth  which  hung  down  behind.  In  one  hand  he  held  a 
smoking  goblet  of  rum  punch,  and  in  the  other  a  long  Indian 
Chibook  pipe.  Opposite  to  him,  but  squatted  upon  the  floor,  reposed 
a  red  Indian,  that  lived  in  the  fort  as  a  guide,  equally  drunk,  but 
preserving,  even  in  his  liquor,  an  impassive,  grave  aspect,  strangely 
contrasting  with  the  high  excitement  of  Malone's  face.  The  red 
man  wore  Malone's  uniform  coat,  which  he  had  put  on  back  fore- 
most— his  head-dress  having,  in  all  probability,  been  exchanged  for 
it,  as  an  amicable  courtesy  between  the  parties.  There  they  sat, 
h)okiug  fixedly  at  each  other ;  neither  spoke,  nor  even  smiled — the 


356  HAER  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

rum  bottle,  whicli  at  brief  intervals  passed  from  one  to  the  other, 
maintained  a  friendly  intercourse  that  each  was  content  with. 

To  the  hearty  fit  of  laughing  of  O'Flaherty,  Malone  replied  by  a 
look  of  drunken  defiance,  and  then  nodded  to  his  red  friend,  who 
returned  the  courtesy.  As  poor  Tom  left  the  room,  he  saw  that 
nothing  was  to  be  hoped  for  in  this  quarter,  and  determined  to  beat 
the  garrison  to  arms  without  any  further  delay.  Scarcely  had  he 
closed  the  door  behind  him,  when  a  sudden  thought  flashed  through 
his  brain.  He  hesitated,  walked  forward  a  few  paces,  stopped  again, 
and  calling  out  to  the  corporal,  said, — 

"  You  are  certain  they  were  militia  ?" 

"  Yes,  sir ;  quite  sure." 

"Then,  by  Jove,  I  have  it,"  cried  O'Flaherty.  "If  they  should 
turn  out  to  be  the  Buffalo  Fencibles,  we  may  get  through  this  scrape 
better  than  I  hoped  for." 

"  I  believe  you  are  right,  sir ;  for  I  heard  one  of  the  men  as  I 
passed  observe,  *  What  will  they  say  in  Buffalo  when  it's  over  ?'  " 

"  Send  Mathers  here,  corporal ;  and  do  you  order  four  rank  and 
file,  with  side-arms,  to  be  in  readiness  immediately." 

"  Mathers,  you  have  heard  the  news,"  said  O'Flaherty,  as  the  ser- 
geant entered.  "  Can  the  fort  hold  out  against  such  a  force  as 
Jackson  reports?  You  doubt;  well,  so  do  I ;  so  let's  see  what's  to 
be  done.  Can  you  remember,  was  it  not  the  Bufl'alo  militia  that 
were  so  tremendously  thrashed  by  the  Delawares  last  autumn  ?" 

"  Yes,  sir,  they  chased  them  for  two  days  and  nights,  and  had  they 
not  reached  the  town  of  Buffalo,  the  Delawares  would  not  have  left 
a  scalp  in  the  regiment," 

"Can  you  recollect  the  chief's  name— it  was  Carran — some- 
thing, eh  ?" 

"  Caudan-dacwagae." 

"Exactly.     Where  is  he  supposed  to  be  now?" 

"  Up  in  Detroit,  sir,  they  say,  but  no  one  knows.  Those  fellows 
are  here  to-day,  and  there  to-morrow." 

"Well,  then,  sergeant,  here's  my  plan."  Saying  these  words, 
O'Flaherty  proceeded  to  walk  towards  his  quarters,  accompanied  by 
the  sergeant,  with  whom  he  conversed  for  some  time  eagerly ;  occa- 
sionally replying,  as  it  appeared,  to  objections,  and  offering  explana- 
tions as  the  other  seemed  to  require  them.  The  colhxjuy  lasted  half 
an  hour;  and  although  the  veteran  sergeant  seemed  difficult  of  con- 
viction, it  ended  by  his  saying,  as  he  left  the  room, — 

"  Well,  sir,  as  you  say,  it  can  only  come  to  hard  knocks  at  worst. 
Here  goes.  I'll  send  oiFthe  scout  party  to  make  the  fires  and  choose 
the  men  for  the  out-pickets,  for  no  time  is  to  be  lost." 

In  about  an  hour's  time  from  the  scene  I  have  mentioned,  a  num- 


AN  ADVENTURE  IN  CANADA.  ZSJ 

bcr  of  militia  officers,  of  different  grades,  were  seated  round  a 
bivouac  fire,  upon  the  baiikof  tlic  Niagara  river.  The  conversation 
seemed  of  an  angry  nature,  for  the  voices  of  the  speakers  were 
loud  and  irascible,  and  their  gestures  evidenced  a  state  of  high 
excitement. 

"  I  see,"  said  one,  who  seemed  the  superior  of  the  party — "  I  see 
well  where  this  will  end.  We  shall  have  another  Queenstown  affair, 
as  we  had  last  fall  with  the  Delawares." 

"  I  only  say,"  replied  another,  "  that  if  you  wish  our  men  to  stand 
fire  to-morrow  morning,  the  less  you  remind  them  of  the  Delawares 
the  better.     What  is  that  noise ?     Is  not  that  a  drum  beating?" 

The  party  at  these  words  sprang  to  their  legs,  and  stood  in  an 
attitude  of  listening  for  some  seconds. 

"Who  goes  there?"  sang  out  a  sentinel  from  his  post;  and  then, 
after  a  moment's  delay,  added :  "  Pass  flag  of  truce  to  Major  Brown's 
quarters." 

Scarcely  were  the  words  spoken,  when  three  officers  in  scarlet, 
preceded  by  a  drummer  with  a  white  flag,  stood  before  the  Americau 
party. 

"  To  whom  may  I  address  myself?"  said  one  of  the  British — who, 
I  may  inform  my  reader,  en  passant,  was  no  other  than  O'Flahcrty — 
"to  whom  may  I  address  myself  as  the  officer  in  command?" 

"  I  am  Major  Brown,"  said  a  short,  plethoric  little  man,  in  a  blue 
uniform  and  round  hat.     "  And  who  are  you?" 

"  Major  O'Flaherty,  of  his  Majesty's  Fifth  Foot,"  said  Tom,  with 
a  very  sonorous  emphasis  on  each  word,  "  the  bearer  of  a  flag  of 
truce  and  an  amicable  proposition  from  Major-General  Allen,  com- 
manding the  garrison  of  Fort  Peak." 

The  Americans,  who  were  evidently  taken  by  surprise  at  their 
intentions  of  attack  being  known,  were  silent,  while  he  continued  : — 

"  Gentlemen,  it  may  appear  somewhat  strange  that  a  garrison, 
possessing  the  natural  strength  of  a  powerful  position,  supplied  with 
abundant  ammunition  and  every  muniment  of  war,  should  di-spatch 
a  flag  of  truce  on  the  eve  of  an  attack,  in  preference  to  waiting  for 
the  moment  when  a  sharp  and  well-prepared  reception  might  best 
attest  its  vigilance  and  discipline.  But  the  reasons  for  this  step  are 
soon  explained.  In  the  first  place,  you  intend  a  surprise.  We  have 
been  long  aware  of  your  projected  attack.  Our  spies  have  tracked 
you  from  your  crossing  the  river  above  the  whirlpool  to  your  present 
position.  Every  man  of  your  party  is  numbered  by  us,  and  what  is 
still  more,  numbered  by  our  allies ;  yes,  gentlemen,  I  must  repeat  it, 
'  allies,'  though,  as  a  Briton,  I  blush  at  the  word.  Shame  and  dis- 
grace forever  be  that  man's  portion  who  first  associated  the  honor- 
able usages  of  war  with  the  atrocious  and  bloody  cruelties  of  the 


358  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

savage.  Yet  so  it  is :  the  Delawares  of  the  hills  " — here  the  Yankees 
exchanged  very  peculiar  looks — "have  this  morning  arrived  at  Fort 
Peak,  with  orders  to  ravage  the  whole  of  your  frontier,  from  Fort 
George  to  Lake  Erie.  They  brought  us  the  information  of  your 
approach,  and  their  chief  is,  while  I  speak,  making  an  infamous 
proposition,  by  which  a  price  is  to  be  paid  for  every  scalp  he  pro- 
duces in  the  morning.  Now,  as  the  general  cannot  refuse  to  co- 
operate with  the  savages  without  compromising  himself  with  the 
commander-in-chief,  nor  accept  of  such  assistance  without  some 
pangs  of  conscience,  he  has  taken  the  only  course  open  to  him ;  he 
has  despatched  myself  and  my  brother  officers  here  " — O'Flaherty 
glanced  at  two  privates  dressed  up  in  his  regimentals — "  to  ofler  you 
terms " 

O'Flaherty  paused  when  he  arrived  thus  far,  expecting  that  the 
opposite  party  would  make  some  reply  ;  but  they  continued  silent. 
Suddenly  from  the  dense  forest  there  rang  forth  a  wild  and  savage 
yell,  that  rose  and  fell  several  times,  like  the  pibroch  of  the  High- 
lander, and  ended  at  last  in  a  loud  whoop,  that  was  echoed  and 
re-echoed  again  and  again  for  several  seconds  after, 

"  Hark !"  said  O'Flaherty,  with  an  accent  of  horror.  "  Hark  I 
the  war-cry  of  the  Delawares  !  The  savages  are  eager  for  their  prey. 
May  it  yet  be  time  enough  to  rescue  you  from  such  a  fate  !  Time 
presses — our  terms  are  these — as  they  do  not  admit  of  discussion, 
and  must  be  at  once  accepted  or  rejected,  to  your  own  ear  alone  can 
I  impart  them." 

Saying  which,  he  took  Major  Brown  aside,  and  walking  apart 
from  the  others,  led  him  by  slow  steps  into  the  forest.  While  O'Fla- 
herty continued  to  dilate  upon  the  atrocities  of  Indian  war,  and  the 
revengeful  character  of  the  savages,  he  contrived  to  be  always  ad- 
vancing towards  the  river  side,  till  at  length  the  glare  of  the  fire 
was  perceptible  through  the  gloom.  Major  Brown  stopped  suddenly, 
and  pointed  in  the  direction  of  the  flame. 

"  It  is  the  Indian  picket,"  said  O'Flaherty,  calmly ;  "  and  as  the 
facts  I  have  been  detailing  may  be  more  palpable  to  your  mind, 
you  shall  see  them  with  your  own  eyes.  Yes,  I  repeat  it,  you  shall, 
through  the  cover  of  this  brushwood,  see  Caudan-dacwagae  himself, 
for  he  is  with  them  in  person." 

As  O'Flaherty  said  this,  he  led  Major  Brown,  now  speechless  with 
terror,  behind  a  massive  cork-tree,  from  which  spot  they  could  look 
down  upon  the  river  side,  where  in  a  small  creek  sat  five  or  six 
persons  in  blankets  and  scarlet  head-dresses ;  their  faces  streaked 
with  patches  of  yellow  and  red  paint,  to  which  the  glare  of  the  fire 
lent  fresh  horror.  In  the  midst  sat  one  whose  violent  gestures  and 
savage  cries  gave  him  the  very  appearance  of  a  demon,  as  he  resisted 


AN  ADVENTURE  IN  CANADA.  359 

with  all  his  might  the  efforts  of  the  others  to  restrain  him,  shouting 
like  a  maniac  all  the  while,  and  struggling  to  rise. 

"It  is  the  chief,"  said  O'FIaherty  ;  "  he  will  wait  no  longer.  We 
have  brihed  the  others  to  keep  him  quiet,  if  possible,  a  little  time ; 
but  I  see  they  cannot  succeed." 

A  loud  yell  of  triumph  from  below  interrupted  Tom's  speech. 
The  infuriated  savage — who  was  no  other  than  Mr.  Malone — having 
obtained  the  rum  bottle,  for  which  he  was  fighting  with  all  his 
might,  his  temper  not  being  improved  in  the  struggle  by  occasional 
admonitions  from  the  red  end  of  a  cigar,  ajjplicd  to  his  naked  skin 
by  the  other  Indians,  who  were  his  own  soldiers  acting  under  O'Fla- 
lierty's  orders. 

"Now,"  said  Tom,  "that  you  have  convinced  yourself,  and  can 
satisfy  your  brother  oflScers,  will  you  take  your  chance?  or  will  you 
accept  the  honorable  terms  of  the  General — pile  your  arms  and  re- 
tire beyond  the  river  before  daybreak  ?  Your  muskets  and  ammu- 
nition will  offer  a  bribe  to  the  cupidity  of  the  savage,  and  delay  his 
pursuit  till  you  can  reach  some  place  of  safety." 

Major  Brown  heard  the  proposal  in  silence,  and  at  last  determined 
to  consult  his  brother  officers. 

"  I  have  outstayed  my  time,"  said  O'FIaherty ;  "  but  stop ;  the 
lives  of  so  many  are  at  stake,  I  consent."  Saying  which,  they 
walked  on  without  speaking,  till  they  arrived  where  the  others  were 
standing  around  the  watch-fire. 

As  Brown  retired  to  consult  with  the  officers,  Tom  heard  with 
pleasure  how  much  his  two  companions  had  worked  upon  the  Yan- 
kees' fears  during  his  absence,  by  details  of  the  vindictive  feelings 
of  the  Delawares,  and  their  vows  to  annihilate  the  Buffalo  militia. 

Before  five  minutes  they  had  decided.  Upon  a  solemn  pledge 
from  O'FIaherty  that  the  terms  of  the  compact  were  to  be  observed 
as  he  stated  them,  they  agreed  to  march  with  their  arms  to  the  ford, 
where,  having  piled  them,  they  were  to  cross  over,  and  make  the 
best  of  their  way  home. 

By  sunrise  the  next  morning  all  that  remained  of  the  threatened 
attack  on  Fort  Peak  were  the  smouldering  ashes  of  some  wood 
fires — eighty  muskets  piled  in  the  fort — and  the  yellow  ochre  and 
red  stripes  that  still  adorned  the  countenance  of  the  late  Indian 
chief — but  now  snoring  Lieutenant — Maurice  Malone. 


360  HARR  T  L  ORREQ  UER. 

CHAPTER    XLVTII. 

THE    COUEIER'S    PASSPORT. 

"["IGHT  again  succeeded  to  the  long  dreary  day  of  tlie  diligence, 
and  the  only  one  agreeable  reflection  arose  in  the  feeling 
that  every  mile  travelled  was  diminishing  the  chance  of  pur- 
suit, and  removing  me  still  further  from  that  scene  of  trouble  and 
annoyance  that  was  soon  to  furnish  gossip  for  Paris — under  the 
title  of  the  "Affaire  O'Leary." 

How  he  was  ever  to  extricate  himself  from  the  numerous  and  em- 
barrassing difficulties  gave  me,  I  confess,  less  uneasiness  than  the 
uncertainty  of  my  own  fortunes.  Luck  seemed  ever  to  befriend 
him;  me  it  had  always  accompanied  far  enough  through  life  to  make 
its  subsequent  desertion  more  painful.  How  far  I  should  blame 
myself  for  this,  I  stopped  not  to  consider,  but  brooded  over  the  fact 
in  a  melancholy  and  discontented  mood.  The  one  thought  upper- 
most in  my  mind  was.  How  will  Lady  Jane  receive  me — am  I  for- 
gotten, or  am  I  only  remembered  as  the  subject  of  that  unlucky 
mistake  when,  under  the  guise  of  an  elder  son,  I  was  feted  and  made 
much  of?  What  pretensions  I  had,  without  fortune,  rank,  influence, 
or  even  expectations  of  any  kind,  to  seek  the  hand  of  the  most 
beautiful  girl  of  the  day,  with  the  largest  fortune  as  her  dowry,  I 
dare  not  ask  myself— the  reply  would  have  dashed  all  my  hopes, 
and  my  pursuit  would  have  been  at  once  abandoned.  "  Tell  the 
people  you  are  an  excellent  preacher,"  was  the  advice  of  an  old  and 
learned  divine  to  a  younger  and  less  experienced  one — "  tell  them 
so  every  morning,  and  every  noon,  and  every  evening,  and  at  last 
they  will  begin  to  believe  it."  "  So,"  thought  I,  "  I  shall  impress 
upon  the  Callonbys  that  I  am  a  most  unexceptionable  parti.  Upon 
every  occasion  they  shall  hear  it,  as  they  open  their  newspapers  at 
breakfast,  as  they  sip  their  soup  at  luncheon,  as  they  adjust  their 
napkin  at  dinner,  as  they  chat  over  their  wine  at  night.  My  influ- 
ence in  the  house  shall  be  unbounded,  my  pleasures  consulted,  my 
dislikes  remembered.  The  people  in  favor  with  me  shall  dine  there 
three  times  a  week — those  less  fortunate  shall  be  put  into  schedule 
B.  My  opinion  on  all  subjects  shall  be  a  law,  whether  I  pronounce 
upon  politics  or  discuss  a  dinner ;  and  all  this  I  shall  accomplish  by 
a  successful  flattery  of  my  lady,  a  little  bullying  of  my  lord,  a 
devoted  attention  to  the  youngest  sister,  a  special  cultivation  of 
Kiikee,  and  a  very  prononc6  neglect  of  Lady  Jane."  These  were  my 
half-waking  thoughts,  as  the  diligence  rumbled  into  Nancy,  and  I 
was  aroused  by  the  door  being  suddenly  jerked  open,  and  a  bronzed 
face,  with  a  black  beard  and  moustache,  being  thrust  in  amongst  us. 


THE  COURIER'S  PASSPORT.  361 

"Your  passports,  messieurs?"  as  a  lantern  was  held  up  in  succes- 
sion across  our  faces,  and  we  handed  forth  our  crumpled  and  worn 
papers  to  the  ofBcial. 

The  night  was  stormy  and  dark — gusts  of  wind  sweeping  along, 
bearing  with  them  the  tail  of  some  thunder  cloud — mingling  their 
sounds  with  a  falling  tile  from  the  roofs,  or  a  broken  chimney-pot. 
The  oHicer  in  vain  endeavored  to  hold  open  the  passports  while  he 
inscribed  his  name  ;  and  just  as  the  last  scrawl  was  completed,  the 
lantern  went  out.  Muttering  a  heavy  curse  upon  the  weather,  he 
thrust  them  in  upon  us  en  masse,  and,  banging  the  door  to,  he  called 
out  to  the  conductor,  "  En  route" 

Again  we  rumbled  on,  and  ere  we  cleared  the  last  lamps  of  the 
town,  the  whole  party  were  once  more  sunk  in  sleep,  save  myself. 
Hour  after  hour  rolled  by,  the  rain  pattering  upon  the  roof,  and  the 
heavy  plash  of  the  horses'  feet  contributing  their  mournful  sounds 
to  the  melancholy  that  was  stealing  over  me.  At  length  we  drew 
up  at  the  door  of  a  little  inn,  and,  by  the  noise  and  bustle  with- 
out, I  perceived  there  was  to  be  a  change  of  horses.  Anxious  to 
stretch  my  legs,  and  relieve,  if  even  for  a  moment,  the  wearisome 
monotony  of  the  night,  I  got  out,  and  strode  into  the  little  parlor  of 
the  inn.  There  was  a  cheerful  fire  in  an  open  stove,  beside  which 
stood  a  portly  figure  in  a  sheepskin  bunta  and  a  cloth  travelling 
cap,  with  a  gold  band;  his  legs  were  cased  in  high  Russia  leather 
boots,  all  evident  signs  of  the  profession  of  the  wearer,  had  even  his 
haste  at  supper  not  bespoke  the  fact  that  he  was  a  government 
courier. 

"  You  had  better  make  haste  with  the  horses,  Antoine,  if  you 
don't  wish  the  postmaster  to  hear  of  it,"  said  he,  as  I  entered,  his 
mouth  filled  with  pie  crust  and  vin  de  Beaune,  as  he  spoke. 

A  lumbering  peasant,  with  a  blouse,  sabots,  and  a  striped  night- 
cap, replied  in  some  unknown  patois,  when  the  courier  again  said, — ■ 

"  Well,  then,  take  the  diligence  horses ;  I  must  get  on,  at  all 
events ;  they  are  not  so  hurried,  I'll  be  bound ;  besides,  it  will 
save  the  gendarmes  some  miles  of  a  ride  if  they  overtake  them 
here." 

"  Have  we  another  vis4  of  our  passports  here,  then  ?"  said  I, 
addressing  the  courier,  "  for  we  have  already  been  examined  at 
Nancy." 

"Not  exactly  a  vis6"  said  the  courier,  eyeing  me  most  suspi- 
ciously as  he  spoke,  and  then  continuing  to  eat  with  his  former 
voracity. 

"  Then  what,  may  I  ask,  have  we  to  do  with  the  gendarmes  ?" 

"  It  is  a  search,"  said  the  courier,  gruffly,  and  with  the  air  of  one 
who  desired  no  further  questioning. 


362  HARRY  L  ORREQ  UER. 

I  immediately  ordered  a  bottle  of  Burgundy,  and  filling  a  large 
goblet  before  him,  said,  with  much  respect, — 

"  A  votre  bon  voyage.  Monsieur  le  Courier." 

To  this  he  at  once  replied  by  taking  oif  his  cap  and  bowing 
politely,  as  he  drank  off  his  wine. 

"  Have  we  any  runaway  felon  or  stray  galley  slave  among  us," 
said  I,  laughingly,  "that  they  are  going  to  search  us?" 

"No,  Monsieur,"  said  the  courier;  "  but  there  has  been  a  govern- 
ment order  to  arrest  a  person  on  this  road  connected  with  the 
dreadful  Polish  plot  that  has  just  Mated  at  Paris.  I  passed  a 
vidette  of  cavalry  at  Nancy,  and  they  will  be  up  here  in  half  an 
hour." 

"  A  Polish  plot  I  Why,  I  left  Paris  only  two  days  ago,  and  never 
heard  of  it. 

"  C'est  bien  possible.  Monsieur  ?  Perhaps,  after  all,  it  may  only 
be  an  affair  of  the  police ;  but  they  have  certainly  arrested  one 
prisoner  at  Meurice's,  charged  with  this,  as  well  as  the  attempt  to 
rob  Frascati  and  murder  the  croupier." 

"  Alas  !"  said  I,  with  a  half-suppressed  groan,  "  it  is  too  true ; 
that  infernal  fellow  O'Leary  has  ruined  me,  and  I  shall  be  brought 
back  to  Paris,  and  only  taken  from  prison  to  meet  the  open  shame 
and  disgrace  of  a  public  trial." 

What  was  to  be  done  ? — every  moment  was  precious.  I  walked  to 
the  door  to  conceal  my  agitation.  All  was  dark  and  gloomy.  The 
thought  of  escape  was  my  only  one  ;  but  how  was  I  to  accomplish 
it  ?  Every  stir  without  suggested  to  my  anxious  mind  the  approach- 
ing tread  of  horses — every  rattle  of  the  harness  seemed  like  the 
clink  of  accoutrements. 

While  I  yet  hesitated,  I  felt  that  my  fate  was  in  the  balance. 
Concealment  where  I  was,  was  impossible ;  there  were  no  means  of 
obtaining  horses  to  proceed.  My  last  only  hope  then  rested  in  the 
courier;  he,  perhaps,  might  be  bribed  to  assist  me  at  this  juncture. 
Still,  his  impression  as  to  the  enormity  of  the  crime  imputed  might 
deter  him  ;  and  there  was  no  time  for  explanation,  if  even  he  would 
listen  to  it.  I  returned  to  the  room  ;  he  had  finished  his  meal,  and 
was  now  engaged  in  all  the  preparations  for  encountering  a  wet  and 
dreary  night.  I  hesitated  ;  my  fears  that,  if  he  should  refuse  my 
offers,  all  chance  of  my  escape  was  gone,  deterred  me  for  a  moment. 
At  length,  as  he  wound  a  long  woollen  shawl  around  his  throat,  and 
seemed  to  have  completed  his  costume,  I  summoned  nerve  for  the 
effort,  and  with  as  much  boldness  in  my  manner  as  I  could  muster, 
said, — 

"  Monsieur  le  Courier,  one  word  with  you."  I  here  closed  the 
door,  and  continued :  "  My  fortunes,  my  whole  prospects  in  life, 


THE  COURIER'S  PASSPORT.  3G3 

depend  upon  my  reaching  Strasbourg  by  to-morrow  night.  You 
alone  can  be  the  means  of  my  doing  so.  Is  there  any  price  you 
can  mention  for  which  you  will  render  me  thia  service  ?  If  so, 
name  it." 

"  So,  then.  Monsieur,"  said  the  courier,  slowly,  "  so,  then,  you  are 
the " 

"  You  have  guessed  it,"  said  I,  interrupting.  "  Do  you  accept  my 
proposal  ?" 

"  It  is  impossible,"  said  he — "utterly  impossible  ;  for  even  should 
I  be  disposed  to  run  the  risk  on  my  own  account,  it  would  avail  you 
nothing ;  the  first  town  we  entered,  your  passport  would  be  de- 
manded, and  not  being  vis6d  by  the  minister  to  travel  en  courier,  you 
would  at  once  be  detained  and  arrested." 

"  Then  am  I  lost,"  said  I,  throwing  myself  upon  a  chair  ;  at  the 
same  instant  my  passport,  which  I  carried  in  my  breast-pocket,  fell 
out  at  the  feet  of  the  courier.  He  lifted  it  and  opened  it  leisurely. 
So  engrossed  was  I  by  misfortunes,  that  for  some  minutes  I  did  not 
perceive  that,  as  he  continued  to  read  the  passport,  he  smiled  from 
time  to  time,  till  at  length  a  hearty  fit  of  laughing  awoke  me  from 
my  abstraction.  My  first  impulse  was  to  seize  him  by  the  throat ; 
controlling  my  temper,  however,  with  an  effort,  I  said, — 

"  And  pray,  Monsieur,  may  I  ask  in  what  manner  the  position  I 
stand  in  at  this  moment  affords  you  so  much  amusement?  Is  there 
anything  so  particularly  droll,  anything  so  excessively  ludicrous  in 
my  situation ;  or  what  particular  gift  do  you  possess  that  shall  pre- 
vent me  throwing  you  out  of  the  window  ?" 

"  Mais,  Monsieur,"  said  he,  half  stifled  with  laughter,  "  do  you 
know  the  blunder  I  fell  into?  it  is  really  too  good.  Could  you  only 
guess  whom  I  took  you  for,  you  would  laugh  too." 

Here  he  became  so  overcome  with  merriment,  that  he  was  obliged 
to  sit  down,  which  he  did  opposite  to  me,  and  actually  shook  with 
laughter. 

"  When  this  comedy  is  over,"  thought  I,  "  we  may  begin  to  under- 
stand each  other."  Seeing  no  prospect  of  this,  I  became  at  length 
impatient,  and  jumping  on  my  legs,  said, — 

"Enough,  sir,  quite  enough  of  this  foolery.  Believe  me,  you 
have  every  reason  to  be  thankful  that  my  present  embarrassment 
should  so  far  engross  me  that  I  cannot  afford  time  to  give  you  a 
thrashing." 

"Pardon,  mille  pardons,"  said  he,  humbly,  "but  you  will,  I  am 
sure,  forgive  me  when  I  tell  you  that  I  was  stupid  enough  to  mis- 
take you  for  the  fugitive  Englishman,  whom  the  gendarmes  are  in 
pursuit  of.     How  good,  eh?" 

"  Oh  !  devilish  good — but  what  do  you  mean  ?" 


364  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

"  Why,  the  fellow  that  caused  the  attack  at  Frascati,  and  all  that, 
and -'" 

"  Yes— well,  eh  ?     Did  you  think  I  was  he  ?" 

"  To  be  sure  I  did,  till  I  saw  your  passport." 

"  Till  you  saw  my  passport!  Why,  what  on  earth  can  he  mean?" 
thought  I.  "  No,  but,"  said  I,  half  jestingly,  "  how  could  you 
make  such  a  blunder?" 

"  Why,  your  confused  manner — your  impatience  to  get  on — your 
hurried  questions,  all  convinced  me.  In  fact,  I'd  have  wagered 
anything  you  were  the  Englishman." 

"  And  what,  in  Heaven's  name,  does  he  think  me  now  ?"  thought 
I,  as  I  endeavored  to  join  the  laugh  so  ludicrous  a  mistake  occa- 
sioned. 

"  But  we  are  delaying  sadly,"  said  the  courier.  "  Are  you 
ready  ?" 

"  Ready?— ready  for  what?" 

"  To  go  on  with  me,  of  course.  Don't  you  wish  to  get  early  to 
Strasbourg?" 

"  To  be  sure  I  do," 

"Well,  then,  come  along.  But,  pray  don't  mind  your  luggage, 
for  my  caleche  is  loaded.  Your  instruments  can  come  in  the  dili- 
gence." 

"  My  instruments  in  the  diligence  I    He's  mad — that's  flat." 

"  How  they  will  laugh  at  Strasbourg  at  my  mistake." 

"  That  they  will,"  thought  I.  "  The  only  doubt  is,  will  you  join 
in  the  merriment  ?" 

So  saying,  I  followed  the  courier  to  the  door,  jumped  into  his 
caleche,  and  in  another  moment  was  hurrying  over  the  pav^  at  a 
pace  that  defied  pursuit,  and  promised  soon  to  make  up  for  our  late 
delay.  Scarcely  was  the  fur-lined  apron  of  the  calfeche  buttoned 
around  me,  and  the  German  blinds  let  down,  when  I  set  to  work  to 
think  over  the  circumstance  that  had  just  befallen  me.  As  I  had 
never  examined  my  passport  from  the  moment  Trevanion  handed 
it  to  me  at  Paris,  I  knew  nothing  of  its  contents ;  therefore,  as  to 
what  impression  it  might  convey  of  me,  I  was  totally  ignorant.  To 
ask  the  courier  for  it  now  might  excite  suspicion ;  so  that  I  was 
totally  at  sea  how  to  account  for  his  sudden  change  in  my  favor,  or 
in  what  precise  capacity  I  was  travelling  beside  him.  Once,  and 
once  only,  the  thought  of  treachery  occurred  to  me.  "  Is  he  about 
to  hand  me  over  to  the  gendarmes  ?  and  are  we  now  only  retracing 
our  steps  towards  Nancy?  If  so,  Monsieur  le  Courier,  whatever  be 
my  fate,  yours  is  certainly  an  unenviable  one."  My  reflections  on 
this  head  were  soon  broken  in  upon,  fbr  my  companion  again  re- 
turned to  the  subject  of  his  "  singular  error,"  and  assured  me  that 


A  NIGHT  fX  STRASBOURG.  8G5 

he  was  as  near  as  possible  leaving  me  behind,  under  the  mistaken 
impression  of  my  being  "myself;"  and  informed  me  that  all  Stras- 
bourg would  be  delighted  to  see  me,  which  latter  piece  of  news  was 
only  the  more  flattering,  that  I  knew  no  one  there,  nor  had  ever 
been  in  that  city  in  my  life.  After  about  an  hour's  mystification  as 
to  my  tastes,  habits,  and  pursuits,  he  fell  fast  asleep,  leaving  me  to 
solve  the  difficult  problem  as  to  whether  I  was  not  somebody  else, 
or,  the  only  alternative — whether  travelling  en  courier  might  not  be 
prescribed  by  physicians  as  a  mode  of  treating  insane  patients. 


CHAPTER    XLIX. 

A  NIGHT  IN  STRASBOURG. 

WITH  the  dawn  of  day  my  miseries  recommenced ;  for  after 
letting  down  the  sash,  and  venting  some  very  fervent  im- 
precations upon  the  postilion  for  not  going  faster  than  his 
horses  were  able,  the  courier  once  more  recurred  to  his  last  night's 
blunder,  and  proceeded  very  leisurely  to  catechize  me  as  to  my 
probable  stay  at  Strasbourg,  whither  I  should  go  from  thence,  and 
so  on.  As  I  was  still  in  doubt  what  or  whom  he  took  me  for,  I 
answered  with  the  greatest  circumspection — watching,  the  while, 
for  any  clue  that  might  lead  me  to  a  discovery  of  myself.  Thus 
occasionally  evading  all  pushing  and  home  queries,  and  sometimes, 
when  hard  pressed,  feigning  drowsiness,  I  passed  the  long  and 
anxious  day — the  fear  of  being  overtaken  ever  mingling  with  the 
thoughts  that  some  unlucky  admission  of  mine  might  discover  my 
real  character  to  the  courier,  who  at  any  post  station  might  hand 
me  over  to  the  authorities.  "  Could  I  only  guess  at  the  part  I  am 
performing,"  thought  I,  "  and  I  might  manage  to  keep  up  the 
illusion ;"  but  my  attention  was  so  entirely  engrossed  by  fencing  off 
all  his  threats,  that  I  could  find  out  nothing.  At  last,  as  night 
drew  near,  the  thought  that  we  were  approaching  Strasbourg  rallied 
my  spirits,  suggesting  an  escape  from  all  pursuit,  as  well  as  the 
welcome  prospect  of  getting  rid  of  my  present  torturer,  who,  when- 
ever I  awoke  from  a  doze,  reverted  to  our  singular  meeting  with  a 
pertinacity  that  absolutely  seemed  like  malice. 

"  As  I  am  aware  that  this  is  your  first  visit  to  Strasbourg,"  said  the 
courier,  "  perhaps  I  can  be  of  service  to  you  in  recommending  an 
hotel.  Put  up,  I  advise  you,  at  the  '  Bear' — a  capital  hotel,  and  nut 
ten  minutes'  distance  from  the  theatre." 

I  thanked  him  for  the  counsel;   and,  rejoicing  in  the  fact  that 


366  IIAim  Y  L OREEQ  UER. 

my  prototype,  whoever  he  might  be,  was  unknown  in  the  city, 
began  to  feel  some  little  hope  of  getting  through  this  scrape,  as  I 
had  done  so  many  others. 

"  They  have  been  keeping  the  '  Huguenots'  for  your  arrival,  and 
all  Strasbourg  is  impatient  for  your  coming," 

"  Indeed !"  said  I,  mumbling  something  meant  to  be  modest. 
"Who  the  devil  am  I,  then,  to  cause  all  this  fracas?  Heaven 
grant,  not  the  new  '  prefect,'  or  the  commander  of  the  forces." 

"  I  am  told  the  '  Zauberflijtte'  is  your  favorite  opera  ?" 

"  I  can't  say  that  I  ever  heard  it — that  is,  I  mean  that  I  could 
say — well  got  up." 

Here  I  floundered  on,  having  so  far  forgot  myself  as  to  endanger 
everything. 

"  How  very  unfortunate  1  Well,  I  hope  you  will  not  long  have  as 
much  to  say.     Meanwhile,  here  we  are — this  is  the  '  Bear.'  " 

We  rattled  into  the  ample  parte  coch^re  of  a  vast  hotel,  the  pos- 
tilion cracking  his  enormous  whip,  and  bells  ringing  on  every 
side,  as  if  the  Crown  Prince  of  Russia  had  been  the  arrival,  and 
not  a  poor  sub.  in  the  4 — th. 

The  courier  jumped  out,  and  running  up  to  the  landlord,  whis- 
pered a  few  words  in  his  ear,  to  which  the  other  answered  by  a  deep 
"  Ah,  vraiment  I"  and  then  saluted  me  with  an  obsequiousness  that 
made  my  flesh  quake. 

"  I  shall  make  '  mes  hommages'  in  the  morning,"  said  the  courier, 
as  he  drove  off  at  full  speed  to  deliver  his  despatches,  and  left  me 
to  my  own  devices  to  perform  a  character,  without  even  being  able 
to  guess  what  it  might  be.  My  passport,  too,  the  only  thing  that 
could  throw  any  light  upon  the  affair,  he  had  taken  along  with  him, 
promising  to  have  it  vls^d,  and  save  me  any  trouble. 

Of  all  my  difficulties  and  puzzling  situations  in  life,  this  was  cer- 
tainly the  worst ;  for  however  often  ray  lot  had  been  to  personate 
another,  yet  hitherto  I  had  had  the  good  fortune  to  be  aware  of 
what  and  whom  I  was  performing.  Now  I  might  be  anybody, 
from  Marshal  Soult  to  Monsieur  Scribe;  one  thing  only  was  certain, 
I  must  be  a  "  Celebrity."  The  confounded  pains  and  trouble  they 
were  taking  to  receive  me  attested  that  fact,  and  left  me  to  the 
pleasing  reflection  that  my  detection,  should  it  take  place,  would 
be  sure  of  attracting  a  very  general  publicity.  Having  ordered  my 
supper  from  the  landlord,  with  a  certain  air  of  reserve,  sufficient  to 
prevent  even  an  Alsace  host  from  obtruding  any  questions  ui)on 
me,  I  took  my  opportunity  to  stroll  from  the  inn  down  to  the 
river  side.  There  lay  the  broad,  rapid  Rhine,  separating  me,  by 
how  narrow  a  limit,  from  that  land  where,  if  I  once  arrived,  my 
safety  was  certain.     Never  did  that  great  boundary  of  nations  strike 


A  NIGHT  IN  STRASBOURG.  867 

me  80  forcibly  as  now,  when  my  own  petty  intereBts  and  fortunes 
were  at  stake.  Niglit  was  fast  settling  upon  the  low,  flat  banks  of 
the  stream,  and  nothing  stirred,  save  the  ceaseless  ripple  of  the 
river.  One  fishing  barque  alone  was  on  the  water.  I  hailed  the 
solitary  tenant  of  it,  and  after  some  little  parley  induced  him  to 
ferry  me  over.  This,  however,  could  only  be  done  when  the  night 
was  farther  advanced — it  being  against  the  law  to  cross  the  river 
except  at  certain  hours,  and  between  two  established  points,  where 
officers  of  the  revenue  were  stationed.  The  fisherman  was  easily 
bribed,  however,  to  evade  the  regulation,  and  only  bargained  that  I 
should  meet  him  on  the  bank  before  daybreak.  Having  settled  this 
point  to  my  satisfaction,  I  returned  to  my  hotel  in  better  spirits ; 
and  with  a  Strasbourg  pat6,  and  a  flask  of  Nieren  steiner,  drank  to 
my  speedy  deliverance. 

How  to  consume  the  long  dreary  hours  between  this  time  and 
that  of  my  departure,  I  knew  not ;  for  though  greatly  fatigued,  I 
felt  that  sleep  was  impossible ;  the  usual  resource  of  a  gossip  with 
the  host  was  equally  out  of  the  question  ;  and  all  that  remained  was 
the  theatre,  which  I  happily  remembered  was  not  far  from  the 
hotel. 

It  was  an  opera  night,  and  the  house  was  crowded  to  excess ;  but 
with  some  little  management,  I  obtained  a  place  in  a  box  near  the 
stage.  The  piece  was  "  Les  Francs  Masons,"  which  was  certainly 
admirably  supported,  and  drew  down  from  the  audience — no  mean 
one  as  judges  of  music — the  loudest  thunders  of  applause.  As  for 
me,  the  house  was  as  great  a  curiosity  as  the  opera.  The  novel  spec- 
tacle of  some  hundred  people  relishing  and  appreciating  the  highest 
order  of  musical  genius,  was  something  totally  new  and  surprising 
to  me.  The  curtain  at  length  fell  upon  the  fifth  act— and  now  the 
deafening  roar  of  acclamation  was  tremendous.  Amid  a  perfect 
shout  of  enthusiasm,  the  manager  announced  the  opera  for  the  en- 
suing evening.  Scarcely  had  this  subsided,  when  a  buzz  ran 
through  the  house  ;  at  first  subdued,  but  gradually  getting  louder- 
extending  from  the  boxes  to  the  balcony— from  the  balcony  to  the 
parterre— and  finally  even  to  the  galleries.  Groups  of  people  stood 
upon  the  benches,  and  looked  fixedly  in  one  part  of  the  house ;  then 
changod  and  regarded  as  eagerly  the  other. 

What  can  this  mean?  thought  I.  Is  the  theatre  on  fire?  Some- 
thing surely  has  gone  wrong ! 

In  this  conviction,  with  the  contagious  spirit  of  curiosity,  I 
mounted  upon  a  seat,  and  looked  about  me  on  every  side;  but 
unable  still  to  catch  the  object  which  seemed  to  attract  the  rest,  as  I 
was  about  to  resume  my  place,  my  eyes  fell  upon  a  well-known  face, 
which  in  an  instant  I  remembered  was  that  of  my  late  fellow- 


368  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

traveller,  the  courier.  Anxious  to  avoid  his  recognition,  I  attempted 
to  get  down  at  once ;  but  before  I  could  accomplish  it,  the  wretch 
had  perceived  and  recognized  me ;  and  I  saw  him,  even  with  a  ges- 
ture of  delight,  point  me  out  to  some  friends  beside  him. 

"  Confound  the  fellow,"  muttered  I ;  "  I  must  leave  this  at  once, 
or  I  shall  be  involved  in  some  trouble." 

Scarcely  was  my  resolve  taken,  when  a  new  burst  of  voices  arose 
from  the  pit — the  words  "  L'Auteur  ["  mingling  with  loud  cries  for 
"Meyerbeer!"  "Meyerbeer I"  to  appear.  "So,"  thought  I,  "it 
seems  the  great  composer  is  here.  Oh,  by  Jove!  I  must  have  a 
peep  at  him  before  I  go."  So,  leaning  over  the  front  rail  of  the 
box,  I  looked  anxiously  about  to  catch  one  hasty  glimpse  of  one  of 
the  great  men  of  his  day  and  country.  What  was  my  surprise,  how- 
ever, to  perceive  that  about  two  thousand  eyes  were  firmly  riveted 
upon  the  box  I  was  seated  in ;  while  about  half  the  number  of 
tongues  called  out  unceasingly,  "  Mr.  Meyerbeer  I — vive  Meyerbeer! 
— vive  I'Auteur  des  Francs  Maqons ! — vive  les  Francs  Maqons !" 
&c.  Before  I  could  turn  to  look  for  the  hero  of  the  scene,  my  legs 
were  taken  from  under  me,  and  I  felt  myself  lifted  by  several  strong 
men  and  held  out  in  front  of  the  box,  while  the  whole  audience, 
rising  en  masse,  saluted  me — yes  me,  Harry  Lorrequer — with  a  cheer 
that  shook  the  building.  Fearful  of  precipitating  myself  into  the 
pit  beneath  if  I  made  the  least  effort,  and  half  wild  with  terror  and 
amazement,  I  stared  about  like  a  maniac,  while  a  beautiful  young 
woman  tripped  along  the  edge  of  the  box,  supported  by  her  com- 
panion's hand,  and  placed  lightly  upon  my  brow  a  chaplet  of  roses 
and  laurel.     Here  the  applause  was  like  an  earthquake. 

"May  the  devil  fly  away  with  half  of  you,"  was  my  grateful 
response  to  as  full  a  cheer  of  applause  as  ever  the  walls  of  the  house 
re-echoed  to. 

"  On  the  stage — on  the  stage !"  shouted  that  portion  of  the  audi- 
ence who,  occupying  the  same  side  of  the  house  as  myself,  preferred 
having  a  better  view  of  me ;  and  to  the  stage  I  was  accordingly 
hurried,  down  a  narrow  stair,  through  a  side  scene,  and  over  half 
the  corps  de  ballet  who  were  waiting  for  their  entree.  Kicking, 
plunging,  buffeting  like  a  madman,  they  carried  me  to  the  "flats," 
when  the  manager  led  nie  forward  to  the  foot-lights,  my  wreath  of 
flowers  contrasting  rather  ruefully  with  my  bruised  cheeks  and  torn 
habiliments.  Human  beings,  God  be  praised  I  are  only  capable  of 
certain  offects — so  that  one-half  the  audience  were  coughing  their 
sides  out,  while  the  other  were  hoarse  as  bull-frogs  from  their 
enthusiasm  in  less  than  five  minutes. 

"  You'll  have  what  my  friend  Eooney  calls  a  chronic  bronchi/is  for 
these  three  weeks,"  said  I,  "  that's  one  comfort,"  as  I  bowed  my 


A  NIGHT  IN  STRASROURO.  389 

back  to  the  "  practicable "  door,  through  which  I  made  my  exit, 
"with  the  thousand  faces  of  the  parterre  sliouting  my  name,  or,  as 
fancy  dictated,  that  of  one  of  my  operas.  I  retreated  behind  the 
scenes  to  encounter  very  nearly  as  much,  and  at  closer  quarters,  too, 
as  that  lately  sustained  before  the  audience.  After  an  embrace  of 
two  minutes'  duration  from  the  manager,  I  ran  the  gauntlet  from 
the  prima  donna  to  the  last  triangle  of  the  orchestra,  who  cut  away 
a  back  button  of  my  coat  as  a  souvenir.  During  all  this,  I  must 
confess,  very  little  acting  was  needed  on  my  part.  They  were  so 
perfectly  contented  with  their  self-deception,  that  if  I  had  made  an 
affidavit  before  the  mayor — if  there  be  such  a  functionary  in  such 
an  insane  town — they  would  not  have  believed  me.  Wearied  and 
exhausted  at  length  by  all  I  had  gone  through,  I  sat  down  upon  a 
bench,  and,  affecting  to  be  overcome  by  my  feelings,  concealed  my 
face  in  my  handkerchief.  This  was  the  first  moment  of  relief  I  ex- 
perienced since  my  arrival;  but  it  was  not  to  last  long,  for  the 
manager,  putting  down  his  head  close  to  my  ear,  whispered, — 

"  Monsieur  Meyerbeer,  I  have  a  surprise  for  you,  such  as  you 
have  not  had  for  some  time,  I  venture  to  say." 

"  I  defy  you  on  this  head,"  thought  I.  "  If  they  make  me  out 
King  Solomon  now,  it  will  not  amaze  me." 

"And  when  I  tell  you  my  secret,"  continued  he,  "you  will 
acknowledge  that  I  cannot  be  of  a  very  jealous  disposition.  Madame 
Baptiste  has  just  told  me  she  knew  you  formerly,  and  that  she — 
that  is  you — were,  in  fact — you  understand — there  had  been — so  to 
say — a  little  something  between  you." 

I  groaned  in  spirit  as  I  thought,  "  Now  am  I  lost  without  a  chance 
of  escape — the  devil  take  her  reminiscences  !" 

"  I  see,"  continued  le  bon  mari,  "  you  cannot  guess  of  whom  I 
speak ;  but  when  I  tell  you  of  Am61ie  Grandet,  your  memory  will, 
perhaps,  be  better." 

"Am61ie  Grandet!"  said  T,  with  a  stage  start.  I  need  not  say 
that  I  had  never  heard  the  name  before — "Amtdie  Grandet  here !" 

"  Yes,  that  she  is,"  said  the  manager,  rubbing  his  hands ;  "  and 
my  wife  too." 

"  Married  ! — Am61ie  Grandet  married  !  No,  no,  it  is  impossible — 
I  cannot  believe  it.  But  were  it  true — true,  mark  me — for  worlds 
would  I  not  meet  her." 

"Comme  il  est  drole,"  said  the  manager,  soliloquizing  aloud; 
"  for  my  wife  takes  it  much  easier,  seeing  they  never  met  each  other 
since  they  were  fifteen." 

"  Ho,  ho  I"  thought  I,  "the  affair  is  not  so  bad  either;  time  makes 
great  changes  in  that  space.     And  does  she  still  remember  me  ?" 
said  I,  in  a  very  Romeo-in-the-garden  voice. 
2-1 


370  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

"  Why,  so  far  as  remembering  the  little  boy  that  used  to  play 
with  her  in  the  orchard  at  her  mother's  cottage  near  Pirny,  and 
with  whom  she  used  to  go  boating  upon  the  Elbe,  I  believe  the 
recollection  is  perfect.  But  come  along,  she  insists  upon  sensing 
you,  and  is  at  this  very  moment  waiting  supper  in  our  room  for 
you." 

"  A  thorough  German  she  must  be,"  thought  I,  "  with  her  sympa- 
thies and  her  supper,  her  reminiscences  and  her  Rhine  wine  hunt- 
ing in  couples  through  her  brain." 

Summoning  courage  from  the  fact  of  our  long  absence  from  each, 
other,  I  followed  the  manager  through  a  wilderness  of  pavilions, 
forests,  clouds,  and  cataracts,  and  at  length  arrived  at  a  little  door, 
at  which  he  knocked  gently. 

"  Come  in,"  said  a  soft  voice  inside.  We  opened,  and  beheld  a 
very  beautiful  young  woman  in  Tyrolese  costume.  She  was  to 
perform  in  the  afterpiece,  her  low  bodice  and  short  scarlet  petticoat 
displaying  the  most  perfect  symmetry  of  form  and  roundness  of  pro- 
portion. She  was  dressing  her  hair  before  a  low  glass  as  we  came 
in,  and  scarcely  turned  at  our  approach ;  but  in  an  instant,  as  if 
some  sudden  thought  struck  her,  she  sj^rang  fully  round,  and  look- 
ing at  me  fixedly  for  above  a  minute — a  very  trying  one  for  me — 
she  glanced  at  her  husband,  whose  countenance  plainly  indicated 
that  she  was  right,  and  calling  out  '  C'est  lui — c'est  bien  lui  I'  threw 
herself  into  my  arms,  and  sobbed  convulsively. 

"  If  this  were  to  be  the  only  fruits  of  my  impersonation,"  thought 
I,  "  it  is  not  so  bad  ;  but  I  am  greatly  afraid  these  good  people  will 
find  out  a  wife  and  seven  babies  for  me  before  morning." 

Whether  the  manager  thought  that  enough  had  been  done  for 
stage  effect,  I  know  not ;  but  he  gently  disengaged  the  lovely  Am61ie, 
and  deposited  her  upon  a  sofa,  to  a  place  upon  which  she  speedily 
motioned  me  by  a  look  from  a  pair  of  very  seducing  blue  eyes. 

"  Francois,  mon  chcr,  you  must  put  oflF '  La  Chaumiere.'  I  can't 
play  to-night." 

"Put  it  off!  But  only  think  of  the  audience,  ma  mie — they  will 
pull  down  the  house." 

"  C'est  possible,"  said  she,  carelessly.  "  If  that  give  them  any 
pleasure,  I  suppose  they  must  be  indulged ;  but  I,  too,  must  have  a 
little  of  my  own  way.     I  shall  not  play  !" 

The  tone  this  was  said  in — the  look — the  easy  gesture  of  com- 
mand— no  less  than  the  afflicted  helplessness  of  the  luckless  hus- 
band—showed me  that  Am61ie,  however  docile  as  a  sweetheart,  had 
certainly  her  own  way  as  wife. 

While  le  cher  Francois  then  retired  to  make  his  proposition  to  the 
audience,   of   substituting  something   fur  the   "Chaumiere" — the 


A  NIGHT  IN  STRASBOURG.  371 

"sudden  illncHS  of  Madame  Baptiste  having  prevented  her  appear- 
ance"— we  began  to  renew  our  old  acquaintance  by  a  thousand 
inquiries  into  that  long-past  time  when  we  were  sweethearts  and 
lovers. 

"  You  remember  me  then  so  well  ?"  said  I. 

"As  of  yesterday.     You  are  much  taller,  and  your  eyes  darker; 

but  still  there  is  something .     You  know,  however,  I  have  been 

expecting  to  see  you  these  two  days,  and  tell  me  frankly  how  do  you 
find  me  looking?" 

"More  beautiful,  a  thousand  times  more  beautiful,  than  ever — all 
save  one  thing,  Am61ie " 


"And  that  is ?" 

"  You  are  married." 

"  How  you  jest.  But  let  us  look  back.  Do  you  ever  think  on  any 
of  our  old  compacts  ?"  Here  she  pulled  a  leaf  from  a  rosebud  in 
her  bouquet,  and  kissed  it.     "  I'll  wager  you  have  forgotten  that." 

How  I  should  have  replied  to  this  masonic  sign,  Heaven  knows ; 
but  the  manager  fortunately  entered,  to  assure  us  that  the  audience 
had  kindly  consented  not  to  pull  down  the  house,  but  to  listen  to  a 
five-act  tragedy  instead,  in  which  he  had  to  perform  the  principal 
character.  "  So,  then,  don't  wait  supper,  Am61ie ;  but  take  care  of 
Monsieur  Meyerbeer  till  my  return." 

Thus  once  more  were  we  left  to  our  souvenirs,  in  which,  whenever 
hard  pushed  myself,  I  regularly  carried  the  war  into  the  enemy's 
camp,  by  allusions  to  incidents  which,  I  need  not  observe,  had  never 
occurred.  After  a  thousand  stories  of  our  early  loves,  mingled  with 
an  occasional  sigh  over  their  fleeting  character — now  indulging  a 
soft  retrospect  of  the  once  happy  past,  now  moralizing  on  the 
future — Am61ie  and  I  chatted  away  the  hours  till  the  conclusion  of 
the  tragedy. 

By  this  time  the  hour  was  approaching  for  my  departure ;  so,  after 
a  very  tender  leave-taking  with  my  new  friend  and  my  old  love,  I 
left  the  theatre,  and  walked  slowly  along  to  the  river. 

"  So  much  for  early  associations,"  thought  I ;  "  and  how  much  bet- 
ter pleased  are  we  ever  to  paint  the  past  according  to  our  own  fancy 
than  to  remember  it  as  it  really  was.  Hence  all  the  insufferable 
cant  about  happy  infancy,  and  '  the  glorious  schoolboy  days,'  which 
have  generally  no  more  foundation  in  fact  than  have  the  '  Chateaux 
en  Espagne '  we  build  up  for  the  future.  I  wager  that  the  real 
Amant  d'Enfance,  when  he  arrives,  is  not  half  so  great  a  friend  with 
the  fair  Am61ie  as  his  unworthy  shadow.  At  the  same  time,  I  had 
just  as  soon  that  Lady  Jane  should  have  no 'early  loves 'to  look 
back  upon,  except  such  as  I  have  performed  a  character  in." 

The  plash  of  oars  near  me  broke  my  reflections,  and  the  next 


372  HARRY  L ORREQ VER. 

moment  found  me  skimming  the  rapid  Rhine,  as  I  thought  for  the 
last  time,  "  What  will  they  say  in  Strasbourg  to-morrow?  How  will 
they  account  for  the  mysterious  disappearance  of  Monsieur  Meyer- 
beer? Poor  Amelie  Graudet!"  for  so  completely  had  the  late  inci- 
dents engrossed  my  attention,  that  I  had  for  the  moment  lost  sight 
of  the  most  singular  event  of  all — how  I  came  to  be  mistaken  for  the 
illustrious  composer. 


CHAPTER  L. 

A   SURPRISE. 


IT  was  late  upon  the  following  day  ere  I  awoke  from  the  long 
deep  sleep  that  closed  my  labors  in  Strasbourg.  In  the  confu- 
sion of  my  waking  thoughts,  I  imagined  myself  still  before  a 
crowded  and  enthusiastic  audience — the  glare  of  the  foot-lights 
— the  crash  of  the  orchestra — the  shouts  of  "i'^wiewr/"  "L'Auteur!" 
were  all  before  me,  and  so  completely  possessed  me,  that,  as  the 
waiter  entered  with  hot  water,  I  could  not  resist  the  impulse  to  pull 
off  my  nightcap  with  one  hand,  and  press  the  other  to  my  heart  in 
the  usual  theatrical  style  of  acknowledgments  for  a  most  flattering 
reception.  The  startled  look  of  the  poor  fellow  as  he  neared  the 
door  to  escape,  roused  me  from  my  hallucination,  and  awakened  me 
to  the  conviction  that  the  suspicion  of  lunacy  might  be  a  still 
heavier  infliction  than  the  personation  of  Monsieur  Meyerbeer. 

With  thoughts  of  this  nature,  I  assumed  my  steadiest  demeanor 
— ordered  my  breakfast  in  the  most  orthodox  fashion — ate  it  like  a 
man  in  his  senses ;  and  when  I  threw  myself  back  in  the  wicker 
conveniency  they  call  a  caleche,  and  bid  adieu  to  Kehl,  the  whole 
fraternity  of  the  inn  would  have  given  me  a  certificate  of  sanity 
before  any  court  in  Europe. 

"Now  for  Munich,"  said  I,  as  we  rattled  along  down  the  steep 
street  of  the  little  town.  "  Now  for  Munich,  with  all  the  speed  that 
first  of  postmasters  and  slowest  of  men,  the  Prince  of  Tour  and 
Taxis,  will  afford  us." 

The  future  engrossed  all  my  thoughts;  and,  puzzling  as  my  late 
adventures  had  been  to  account  for,  I  never  for  a  moment  reverted 
to  the  past.  "Is  she  to  be  mine?"  was  the  ever-rising  question  in 
my  mind.  The  thousand  difliculties  that  had  crossed  my  path 
might  long  since  have  terminated  a  pursuit  where  there  was  so  little 
of  promise,  did  I  not  cherish  the  idea  in  my  heart  that  I  was  fated 
to  succeed.  Sheridan  answered  the  ribald  sneers  of  his  first 
auditory  by  saying,  "  Laugh  on ;  but  I  have  it  in  me,  and  by  Jove 


A  SURPRISE.  373 

it  shall  come  out."  So  I  whispered  to  myself, — "Go  on,  Tlarry. 
Luck  has  hitherto  been  aj^ainst  you,  it  is  true ;  but  you  have  yet 
one  throw  of  tlic  dice,  and  sonietliing  seems  to  say,  a  fortunate  one 
in  store;  and  if  so "  But  I  cannot  trust  myself  with  such  an- 
ticipations. I  am  well  aware  how  little  the  world  sympathizes  with 
the  man  whose  fortunes  are  the  sport  of  his  temperament — that 
April-day  frame  of  mind  is  ever  the  jest  and  scoff  of  those  hardier 
and  sterner  natures  who,  if  never  overjoyed  by  success,  are  never 
much  depressed  by  failure.  That  I  have  been  cast  in  the  former 
mould,  these  Confessions  have,  alas  I  plainly  proved ;  but  that  I 
regret  it,  I  fear  also,  for  my  character  for  sound  judgment,  I  must 
answer  "  No." 

"  Better  far  to  be 

In  utter  darkness  lying, 
Than  be  blest  with  light,  and  see 
That  light  for  ever  flying," 

is  doubtless  very  pretty  poetry,  but  very  poor  philosophy.  For 
myself — and  some  glimpses  of  sunshine  this  fair  world  has  afforded 
me,  fleeting  and  passing  enough,  in  all  conscience — and  yet  I  am 
not  80  ungrateful  as  to  repine  at  my  happiness  because  it  was  not 
permanent,  while  I  am  thankful  for  those  bright  hours  of  "Love's 
young  dream,"  which,  if  nothing  more,  are  at  least  delightful 
souvenirs.  They  form  the  golden  tliread  in  the  tangled  web  of  our 
existence,  ever  appearing  amid  the  darker  surface  around,  and 
throwing  a  fair  halo  of  brilliancy  on  what,  without  it,  were  cold, 
bleak,  and  barren.    No,  no — 

"  The  light  that  lies  in  woman's  eyes," 

were  it  twice  as  fleeting — as  it  is  ten  times  more  brilliant — than  the 
forked  lightning,  irradiates  the  dark  gloom  within  us  for  many  a 
long  day  after  it  has  ceased  to  shine  upon  us.  As  in  boyhood  it  is 
the  humanizing  influence  that  tempers  the  fierce  and  unruly  pas- 
sions of  our  nature,  so  in  manhood  it  forms  the  goal  to  which  all 
our  better  and  higher  aspirations  tend,  telling  us  there  is  something 
more  worthy  than  gold,  and  a  more  lofty  pinnacle  of  ambition  than 
the  praise  and  envy  of  our  fellow-men  ;  and  we  may  rest  assured  that 
when  this  feeling  dies  within  us,  all  the  ideal  of  life  dies  with  it, 
and  nothing  remains  save  the  dull  reality  of  our  daily  cares  and 
occupations.  "  I  have  lived  and  have  loved,"  said  Schiller ;  and  if 
it  were  not  that  there  seems  some  tautology  in  the  phrase,  I  should 
say,  such  is  my  own  motto.      "  If  Lady  Jane  but  prove  true — if  I 

have  really  succeeded — if,  in  a  word But  why  speculate  upon 

such  chances? — what  pretensions  have  I? — what  reasons  to  look  for 
such  a  prize?     Alas!    and  alas  I  were  I  to  catechise  myself  too 


374  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

closely,  I  fear  that  my  horses'  heads  would  face  towards  Calais,  and 
that  I  should  turn  my  back  upon  the  only  prospect  of  happiness  I 
can  picture  to  myself  in  the  world."  In  reflections  such  as  these, 
the  hours  rolled  over,  and  it  was  already  late  at  night  when  we 
reached  the  little  village  of  Merchem.  While  fresh  horses  were 
being  got  ready,  I  seized  the  occasion  to  partake  of  the  table  d'hQte 
supper  of  the  inn,  at  the  door  of  which  the  diligence  was  drawn  up. 
Around  the  long,  and  not  over-scrupulously  clean  table,  sat  the 
usual  assemblage  of  a  German  "Eilwagen" — smoking,  dressing 
salad,  knitting,  and  occasionally  picking  their  teeth  with  their  forks, 
until  the  soup  should  make  its  appearance.  Taking  my  place  amid 
this  motley  assemblage  of  mustachioed  shopkeepers  and  volumin- 
ously-petticoated  Fraus,  I  sat  calculating  how  long  human  patience 
could  endure  such  companionship,  when  my  attention  was  aroused 
by  hearing  a  person  near  me  narrate  to  his  friend  the  circumstance 
of  my  d^but  at  Strasbourg,  with  certain  marginal  notes  of  his  own, 
that  not  a  little  surprised  me. 

"  And  so  it  turned  out  not  to  be  Meyerbeer  after  all,"  said  the 
listener. 

"  Of  course  not,"  replied  the  other.  "  Meyerbeer's  passport  was 
stolen  from  him  in  the  diligence  by  this  English  escroc,  and  the  con- 
sequence was  that  our  poor  countryman  was  arrested,  the  other 
passport  being  found  upon  him ;  while  the  Englishman,  proceeding  to 
Strasbourg,  took  his  benefit  at  the  opera,  and  walked  away  with 
above  twelve  thousand  florins." 

"Sappermint!"  said  the  other,  tossing  of  his  beer.  "He  must 
have  been  a  clever  fellow,  though,  to  lead  in  the  orchestra  in  the 
Francs  Magons." 

"Tliat  is  the  most  astonishing  part  of  all,  for  they  say  in  Stras- 
bourg that  his  performance  upon  the  violin  was  far  finer  than 
Paganini's  ;  but  there  seems  some  secret  in  it,  after  all :  for  Madame 
Baptiste  swears  that  he  is  Meyerbeer ;  and,  in  fact  the  matter  is  far 
from  being  cleared  up — nor  can  it  be  till  he  is  apprehended." 

"  Which  shall  not  be  for  some  time  to  come,"  said  I  to  myself,  as, 
slipping  noiselessly  from  the  room,  I  regained  my  caleche,  and  in 
ten  minutes  more  was  proceeding  on  my  journey.  "So  much  for 
correct  information,"  thought  I.  "One  thing,  however,  is  certain — 
to  the  chance  interchange  of  passports  I  owe  my  safety,  with  the 
additional  satisfaction  that  my  little  German  acquaintance  is  reap- 
ing a  pleasant  retribution  for  all  his  worry  and  annoyance  of  me  in 
the  coup6" 

Only  he  who  has  toiled  over  the  weary  miles  of  a  long  journey — 
exclusively  occupied  with  one  thought — one  over[)owcring  feeling — 
can  adequately  commiserate  my  impatient  anxiety  as  the  days  rolled 


A  SURPRISE.  875 

slowly  over  on  the  long  tiresome  road  that  leads  from  the  Rhine  to 
the  south  of  Germany. 

The  morning  was  breaking  on  the  fourth  day  of  my  journey  as  the 
tall  spires  of  Munich  rose  to  my  view,  amid  the  dull  and  arid  desert 
of  sand  that  city  is  placed  in.  "At  last!"  was  my  exclamation,  as 
the  postilion  tapped  at  the  window  with  his  wliip,  and  then  pointed 
towards  the  city — "at  last  I"  Oh  I  what  would  be  the  ecstasy  of 
my  feelings  now,  could  I  exchange  the  torturing  anxieties  of  sus- 
pense for  the  glorious  certainty  my  heart  throbs  for;  now  my  jour- 
ney is  nearing  its  end,  to  see  me  claim  as  my  own  what  I  only  barely 
aspire  to  in  the  sanguine  hope  of  a  heart  that  will  not  despair. 
"But  cheer  up,  Harry.  It  is  a  noble  stake  you  play  for;  and  it  is 
ever  the  bold  gambler  that  wins."  Scarcely  was  this  reflection 
made  half  aloud,  when  a  sudden  shock  threw  me  from  my  seat.  I 
fell  towards  the  door,  which,  bursting  open,  launched  me  out  upon 
the  road,  at  the  same  moment  that  the  broken  axletree  of  the  calcche 
had  upset  it  on  the  opposite  side,  carrying  one  horse  along  with  it, 
and  leaving  the  other,  with  the  postilion  on  his  back,  kicking  and 
plunging  with  all  his  might.  After  assisting  the  frightened  I'ellow 
to  dismount,  and  having  cut  the  traces  of  the  restive  animal,  I  then 
perceived  that  in  the  meke  I  had  not  escaped  scathless.  I  could 
barely  stand;  and,  on  passing  my  hand  along  my  instep,  perceived 
I  had  sprained  my  ankle  in  the  fall.  The  day  was  only  breaking, 
no  one  was  in  sight,  so  that  after  a  few  minutes'  consideration,  the 
best  thing  to  do  appeared  to  get  the  other  horse  upon  his  legs,  and 
despatching  the  postilion  to  Munich,  then  about  three  leagues  distant, 
for  a  carriage,  wait  patiently  on  the  road-side  for  his  return.  No 
sooner  was  the  resolve  made  than  carried  into  execution;  and  in 
less  than  a  quarter  of  an  hour  from  the  moment  of  the  accident,  I 
was  seated  upon  the  bank,  watching  the  retiring  figure  of  the  pos- 
tilion, as  he  disappeared  down  a  hill,  on  his  way  to  Munich.  When 
the  momentary  burst  of  impatience  was  over,  I  could  not  help  con- 
gratulating myself  that  I  was  so  far  fortunate  in  reaching  the  end 
of  my  journey  ere  the  mischance  befell  me.  Had  it  occurred  at 
Stutgard,  I  really  think  that  it  would  have  half  driven  me  dis- 
tracted. 

I  was  not  long  in  my  present  situation,  when  a  number  of  peas- 
ants, with  broad-brimmed  hats  and  many-buttoned  coats,  passed  on 
their  way  to  work  ;  they  all  saluted  me  respectfully ;  but  although 
they  saw  the  broken  carriage,  and  might  well  guess  at  the  nature  of 
my  accident,  yet  not  one  ever  thouglit  of  proffering  his  services,  or 
even  indulging  curiosity,  by  way  of  inquiry.  "  How  tlioroughly 
German,"  I  thought ;  "  these  people  are  the  Turks  of  Euroj)e,  stupe- 
fied with  tobacco  and  strong  beer.    They  have  no  thought  for  any- 


376  HARRY  L ORREQ VER. 

thing  but  themselves,  and  their  own  immediate  occupations."  Per- 
ceiving at  length  one  whose  better  dress  and  more  intelligent  look 
bespoke  a  rank  above  the  common,  I  made  the  effort,  with  such 
plat  Deutsch  as  I  could  muster,  to  ask  if  there  were  any  house  near 
where  I  could  remain  till  the  postilion's  return,  and  learned,  greatly 
to  my  gratification,  that  by  taking  the  path  which  led  through  a 
grove  of  pine-trees  near  me,  I  should  find  a  chS,teau,  but  who  was 
the  proprietor  he  knew  not ;  indeed,  the  people  were  only  newly 
come,  and  he  believed  were  foreigners — English,  he  thought.  Oh, 
how  my  heart  jumped,  as  I  said,  "  Can  they  be  the  Callonbys?  are 
they  many  in  family?  are  there  ladies — young  ladies  among  them?" 
He  knew  not.  Having  hastily  arranged  with  my  new  friend  to 
watch  the  carriage  till  my  return,  I  took  the  path  he  showed  me, 
and,  smarting  with  pain  at  every  step,  hurried  along  as  best  I  could 
towards  the  chateau.  I  had  not  walked  many  minutes,  when  a 
break  in  the  wood  gave  me  a  view  of  the  old  mansion,  and  at  once 
dispelled  the  illusion  that  was  momentarily  gaining  upon  me. 
"They  could  not  be  the  Callonbys."  The  house  was  old;  and 
though  it  had  once  been  a  fine  and  handsome  structure,  exhibited 
now  abundant  traces  of  decay ;  the  rich  cornices  which  supported 
the  roof  had  fallen  in  many  places,  and  lay  in  fragments  upon  the 
terrace  beneath ;  the  portico  of  the  door  was  half  tumbling ;  and 
the  architraves  of  the  windows  were  broken  and  dismantled ;  the 
tall  and  once  richly-ornamented  chimneys  were  bereft  of  all  their 
tracery,  and  stood  bolt  upright  in  all  their  nakedness  above  the 
high-pitched  roof.  A  straggling  ;e<  d'eau  was  vigorously  fighting  its 
way  amid  a  mass  of  creeping  shrubs  and  luxuriant  lichens  that  had 
grown  around  and  above  a  richly  carved  fountain,  and  fell  in  a 
shower  of  sparkling  dew  upon  the  rank  grass  and  tall  weeds  around. 
The  gentle  murmur  was  the  only  sound  that  broke  the  stillness  of 
the  morning. 

A  few  deities  in  lead  and  stone,  mutilated  and  broken,  stood  like 
the  Genii  loci,  guarding  the  desolation  about  them,  where  an  old 
superannuated  peacock,  with  drooping,  ragged  tail,  was  the  only 
living  thing  to  be  seen.  All  bespoke  the  wreck  of  what  once  was 
great  and  noble,  and  all  plainly  told  me  that  such  could  not  be  the 
abode  of  the  Callonbys. 

Half  doubting  that  the  house  were  inhabited,  and  half  scrupling, 
if  so,  to  disturb  its  inmates  from  their  rest,  I  sat  down  upon  the 
terrace  steps  and  fell  into  a  fit  of  musing  on  the  objects  about. 
That  strange  propensity  of  my  countrymen  to  settle  down  in  remote 
and  unfrequented  spots  upon  the  Continent  had  never  struck  me  so 
forcibly :  for  although  unquestionably  there  were  evident  traces  of 
the  former  grandeur  of  the  place,  yet  it  was  a  long-past  greatness ; 


A  sunrnrsE.  377 

and  in  the  dilapidated  walls,  weed-grown  walks,  the  dark  and 
gloomy  pine-groves,  there  were  more  hints  for  sadness  than  I 
should  willingly  surround  myself  by  in  a  residence.  The  harsh 
grating  of  a  heavy  door  behind  roused  me;  I  turned  and  beheld 
an  old  man  in  a  species  of  tarnished  and  worm-eaten  livery,  who, 
holding  the  door,  again  gazed  at  me  with  a  mingled  expression  of 
fear  and  curiosity.  Having  briefly  explained  the  circumstances 
which  had  befallen  me,  and  appealed  to  the  broken  caleche  upon 
the  road  to  corroborate  my  testimony,  wliich  I  perceived  needed 
such  aid,  the  old  man  invited  me  to  enter,  saying  that  his  master 
and  mistress  had  not  yet  risen,  but  that  he  would  himself  give  me 
some  breakfast,  of  wliich  by  this  time  I  stood  much  in  want.  The 
room  into  which  I  was  ushered  corresponded  well  with  the  exterior 
of  the  house.  It  was  large,  bleak,  and  ill-furnished;  the  ample, 
uncurtained  windows,  the  cold,  white-panelled  walls,  the  uncar- 
peted  floor,  all  giving  it  an  air  of  uninhabitable  misery.  A  few 
chairs  of  the  Louis-Quatorze  taste,  with  blue  velvet  linings,  faded 
and  worn,  a  cracked  marble  table  u])on  legs  that  once  had  been  gilt, 
two  scarcely  detectable  portraits  of  a  mail-clad  hero  and  a  scarcely 
less  formidable  fair,  with  a  dove  upon  her  wrist,  formed  the  prin- 
cipal articles  of  liirniture  in  this  dismal  abode,  where  so  sad  and 
depressing  did  everything  appear,  that  I  half  regretted  the  curiosity 
that  had  tempted  me  from  the  balmy  air  and  cheerful  morning  with- 
out, to  the  gloom  and  solitude  around  me. 

The  old  man  soon  reappeared  with  a  not  despicable  cup  of  cafe 
noir,  and  a  piece  of  bread  as  large  as  a  teaspoon,  and  used  by  the 
Germans  pretty  much  in  the  same  way.  As  the  adage  of  the  "'gift 
horse"  is  of  tolerably  general  acceptation,  I  ate  and  was  thankful, 
mingling  my  acknowledgments  from  time  to  time  with  some  ques- 
tions about  the  owners  of  the  mansion,  concerning  whom  I  could 
not  help  feeling  curious.  The  ancient  servitor,  however,  knew 
little  or  nothing  of  those  he  served  ;  his  master  was  the  honorable 
baron ;  but  of  his  name  he  was  ignorant ;  his  mistress  was  young  ; 
they  had  not  been  many  months  there  ;  they  knew  no  one — had  no 
visitors — he  had  heard  they  were  English,  but  did  not  know  it  him- 
self; they  were  "gute  Leute,"  "  good  people,"  and  that  was  enough 
for  him.  How  strange  did  all  this  seem,  that  two  people,  young, 
too,  should  separate  themselves  from  all  the  attractions  and  plea- 
sures of  the  world,  and  settle  down  in  this  dark  and  dreaiy  solitude, 
where  every  association  was  of  melancholy,  every  object  a  text 
for  sad  reflections.  Lost  in  these  thoughts,  I  sat  down  beside  the 
window,  and  heeded  not  the  old  man  as  he  noiselessly  left  the  room. 
My  thoughts  ran  on  over  the  strange  phases  in  which  life  presents 
itself,  and  how  little,  after  all,  external  influences  have  to  do  with 


378  HARRY  L ORREQ VER. 

that  peace  of  mind  whose  origin  is  within.  "  The  Indian  whose 
wigwam  is  beside  the  cataract,  heeds  not  its  thunders,  nor  feels  its 
sprays  as  they  fall  in  everlasting  dews  upon  him  ;  the  Arab  of  the 
desert  sees  no  bleakness  in  tliose  never-ending  plains,  upon  whose 
horizon  his  eye  has  rested  from  childhood  to  age.  Who  knows  but 
he  who  inhabits  this  lonely  dwelling  may  have  once  shone  in  the 
gay  world,  mixing  in  its  follies,  tasting  of  its  fascination  ?     And  to 

think  that  now "    The  low  murmurs  of  the  pine  tops,  the  gentle 

rustle  of  the  water  through  the  rank  grass,  and  my  own  thoughts 
combining,  overcame  me  at  length,  and  I  slept — how  long  I  know 
not ;  but  when  I  awoke,  certain  changes  about  showed  me  that  some 
length  of  time  had  elapsed ;  a  gay  wood  fire  was  burning  on  the 
hearth  ;  an  ample  breakfast  covered  the  table  ;  and  the  broad  sheet 
of  the  Times  newspaper  was  negligently  reposing  in  the  deep  hollow 
of  an  arm-chair.  Before  I  had  well  thought  how  to  apologize  for 
the  cool  insouciance  of  my  intrusion,  the  door  opened,  and  a  tall, 
well-built  man  entered :  his  shooting-jacket  and  gaiters  were  evi- 
dence of  his  English  origin,  while  a  bushy  moustache  and  most 
ample  "  Henri  Quatre"  nearly  concealed  features  that  still  were  not 
quite  unknown  to  me ;  he  stopped,  looked  steadily  at  me,  placed  a 
hand  on  either  shoulder,  and  calling  out,  "  Harry — Harry  Lorre- 
quer,  by  all  that's  glorious !"  rushed  from  the  room  in  a  transport  of 
laughter. 

If  my  escape  from  the  gallows  depended  upon  my  guessing  my 
friend,  I  should  have  submitted  to  the  last  penalty  of  the  law:  never 
was  I  so  completely  nonplussed.  "  Confound  him,  what  does  he 
mean  by  running  away  in  that  fashion  1  It  would  serve  him  right 
were  I  to  decamp  by  one  of  the  windows  before  he  comes  back  I  but, 
hark!  some  one  is  approaching." 

"  I  tell  you  I  cannot  be  mistaken,"  said  the  man's  voice  from 
without. 

"  Oh,  impossible  I"  said  a  ladylike  accent  that  seemed  not  heard 
by  me  for  the  first  time. 

"  Judge  for  yourself,  though  certainly  the  last  time  you  saw  him 
may  confuse  your  memory  a  little." 

"  What  the  devil  does  he  mean  by  that?"  said  I,  as  the  door  opened 
and  a  very  beautiful  young  woman  came  forward,  who,  after  a  mo- 
ment's hesitation,  called  out, — 

"  True,  indeed,  it  is  Mr.  Lorrequer ;  but  he  seems  to  have  for- 
gotten me." 

The  eyes,  the  lips,  the  tone  of  the  voice,  were  all  familiar. 
"  What !  can  it  be  possible  I"  Her  companion,  who  had  now  entered, 
stood  behind  her,  holding  his  sides  with  ill-suppressed  mirth,  and 
at  length  called  out, — 


A  SUIiPRISE.  379 

"  Ilarry,  my  boy,  you  scarcely  were  more  discomposed  the  last 
morning  we  parted  when  the  yellow  plush " 

"  By  Jove,  it  is!"  said  I,  as  I  sprang  forward,  and  seizing  my  fair 
friend  in  my  arms,  saluted  upon  both  cheeks  my  quondam  flame. 
Miss  Karaworth,  now  the  wife  of  my  old  friend  Jack  Waller,  of 
whom  I  have  made  due  mention  in  an  early  chapter  of  these  Con- 
fessions. 

Were  I  given  a  muster-roll  of  my  acquaintance,  to  say  which  of 
them  might  inhabit  the  deserted  mansion,  Jack  Waller  would  cer- 
tainly have  been  the  last  I  should  have  selected, — the  gay,  lively, 
dashing,  high-spirited  Jack,  fond  of  society,  dress,  equipage,  living 
entirely  in  the  world,  known  to  and  liked  by  everybody,  of  univer- 
sal reputation.  Did  you  want  a  cavalier  to  see  your  wife  through  a 
crush  at  the  opera,  a  friend  in  a  duel,  a  rider  for  your  kicking- 
horse  in  a  stiff  steeplechase,  a  bow-oar  for  your  boat  at  a  rowing- 
match,  Jack  was  your  man.  Such,  then,  was  my  surprise  at  finding 
him  here,  that  although  there  were  many  things  I  longed  to  inquire 
about,  my  first  question  was, — 

"And  how  came  you  here?" 

"Life  has  its  vicissitudes,"  replied  Jack,  laughing;  "many 
stranger  things  have  come  to  pass  than  my  reformation.  But  first 
of  all  let  us  think  of  breakfast ;  you  shall  have  ample  satisfaction 
for  all  your  curiosity  afterwards." 

"  Not  now,  I  fear ;  I  am  hurrying  on  to  Munich." 

"  Oh,  I  perceive ;  but  are  you  aware  that — your  friends  are  not 
there?" 

"  The  Callonbys  not  at  Munich  1"  said  I,  with  a  start. 

"  No  ;  they  have  been  at  Saltzburg,  in  the  Tyrol,  for  some  weeks ; 
but  don't  fret  yourself;  they  are  expected  to-morrow,  in  time 
for  the  court  masquerade,  so  that  until  then,  at  least,  you  are  my 
guest." 

Overjoyed  at  this  information,  I  turned  my  attention  towards 
madame,  whom  I  found  much  improved  ;  the  embonpoint  of  woman- 
hood had  still  further  increased  the  charms  of  one  who  had  always 
been  handsome,  and  I  could  not  help  acknowledging  that  my  friend 
was  warrantable  in  any  scheme  for  securing  such  a  prize. 


380  EAJiH  Y  L  ORREQ  VER. 

CHAPTEE  LI. 

JACK   waller's   story. 

THE  day  passed  quickly  over  with  my  newly-found  friends, 
whose  curiosity  to  learn  my  adventures  since  we  parted  anti- 
cipated me  in  my  wish  to  learn  theirs.  After  an  early  dinner, 
however,  with  a  fresh  log  upon  the  hearth,  a  crusty  flask  of  red  her- 
mitage before  us,  Jack  and  I  found  ourselves  alone,  and  at  liberty 
to  speak  freely  together. 

"I  scarcely  could  have  expected  such  would  be  our  meeting. 
Jack,"  said  I,  "  from  the  way  we  last  parted." 

"  Yes,  by  Jove,  Harry,  I  believe  I  behaved  but  shabbily  to  you  in 
that  affair ;  but  *  Love  and  War,'  you  know ;  and,  besides,  we  had 
a  distinct  agreement  drawn  up  between  us." 

"  All  true ;  and,  after  all,  you  are  perhaps  less  to  blame  than  my 
own  miserable  fortune,  that  lies  in  wait  to  entrap  and  disappoint  me 
at  every  turn  in  life.  Tell  me,  what  do  you  know  of  the  Callonbys  ?" 
"Nothing  personally.  We  have  met  them  at  dinner,  a  visit 
passed  subsequently  between  us,  et  voilcl  tout.  They  have  been 
scenery-hunting,  picture-hunting,  and  all  that  sort  of  thing,  since 
their  arrival,  and  rarely  much  in  Munich.  But  how  do  you  stand 
there  ?     '  To  be  or  not  to  be'— eh  ?" 

"  That  is  the  very  question  of  all  others  I  would  fain  solve,  and 
yet  am  in  most  complete  ignorance  of  all  about  it ;  but  the  time 
approaches  which  must  decide  all.  I  have  neither  temper  nor 
patience  for  further  contemplation  of  it.  So  here  goes  :  'Success  to 
the  Enterprise !'  " 

"  Or,"  said  Jack,  tossing  off  his  glass, — "  or,  as  they  would  say  in 
Ireland,  *  Your  health  and  inclinations,  if  they  be  virtuous.' " 

"  And  now,  Jack,  tell  me  something  of  your  own  fortunes  since 
the  day  you  passed  me  in  the  post-chaise  and  four.' " 

"  The  story  is  soon  told.  You  remember  that  when  I  carried  off 
Mary,  I  had  no  intention  of  leaving  England  whatever.  My  object 
was,  after  making  her  my  wife,  to  open  negotiations  with  the  old 
colonel ;  and  after  the  approved  routine  of  penitential  letters,  im- 
ploring forgiveness,  and  setting  forth  happiness  only  wanting  his 
sanction  to  make  it  heaven  itself,  to  have  thrown  ourselves  at  his 
feet  selon  les  regies,  sobbed,  blubbered,  blew  our  noses,  and  dressed 
for  dinner,  very  comfortable  inmates  of  that  particularly  snug 
residence,  '  Hydrabad  Cottage.'  Now  Mary,  who  behaved  with 
great  courage  for  a  couple  of  days  after  that,  got  low-spirited  and 
depressed ;  the  desertion  of  her  father,  as  she  called  it,  weighed 
upon  her  mind,  and  all  my  endeavors  to  rally  and  comfort  her  were 


JACK  WALLER'S  STORY.  381 

fruitless  and  unavailing.  Each  day,  however,  I  expected  to  hear 
something  of,  or  from,  the  colonel  that  would  put  an  end  to  this 
feeling  of  suspense;  but  no — three  weeks  rolled  on,  and  although  I 
took  care  that  he  knew  of  our  address,  we  never  received  any  com- 
munication. You  are  aware  that  when  I  married  I  knew  Mary  had, 
or  was  to  have  had,  a  large  fortune,  and  that  I  myself  had  not  then 
enough  in  the  world  to  pay  the  common  expenses  of  our  wedding 
tour.  My  calculation  was  this :  the  reconciliation  will  possibly, 
what  with  delays  of  post,  distance,  and  deliberation,  take  a  month 
— say  five  weeks;  now,  at  forty  pounds  per  week,  that  makes  exactly 
two  hundred  pounds — such  being  the  precise  limit  of  my  exchequer, 
when,  blessed  with  a  wife,  a  man,  and  a  maid,  three  imperials,  a 
cap-case,  and  a  poodle,  I  arrived  at  the  Royal  Hotel,  in  Edinburgh, 
Had  I  been  Lord  Francis  Somebody,  with  his  hundred  thousand  a 
year,  looking  for  a  new  '  distraction'  at  any  price,  or,  still  more, 
were  I  a  London  shopkeeper  spending  a  Sunday  in  Boulogne-sur- 
Mer,  and  trying  to  find  out  something  '  exjiensive,  as  he  had  only 
one  day  to  stay,'  I  could  not  have  more  industriously  sought  out 
opportunities  for  extravagance,  and  each  day  contrived  to  find  out 
some  two  or  three  acquaintances  to  bring  home  to  dinner.  And  as 
I  affected  to  have  been  married  for  a  long  time,  Mary  felt  less 
awkward  among  strangers,  and  we  got  on  famously;  still  the  silence 
of  the  colonel  weighed  upon  her  mind,  and  although  she  partook  of 
none  of  my  anxieties  from  that  source,  being  perfectly  ignorant  of 
the  state  of  my  finances,  she  dwelt  so  constantly  upon  this  subject, 
that  I  at  length  yielded  to  her  repeated  solicitations,  and  permitted 
her  to  write  to  her  father.  Her  letter  was  a  most  proper  one,  com- 
bining a  dutiful  regret  for  leaving  her  home,  with  the  hope  that  her 
choice  had  been  such  as  to  excuse  her  rashness,  or,  at  least,  palliate 
her  fault.  It  went  to  say,  that  her  father's  acknowledgment  of  her 
was  all  she  needed  or  cared  for  to  complete  her  happiness,  and  ask- 
ing for  his  permission  to  seek  it  in  person.  This  was  the  substance 
of  the  letter,  which,  upon  the  whole,  satisfied  me,  and  I  waited 
anxiously  for  the  reply.  At  the  end  of  five  days  the  answer  arrived. 
It  was  thus  : — 

"'Dear  Mary: — You  have  chosen  your  own  path  in  life,  and 
having  done  so,  I  have  neither  the  right  nor  inclination  to  interfere 
with  your  decision  ;  I  shall  neither  receive  you  nor  the  person  you 
have  made  your  husband;  and  to  prevent  any  further  disappoint- 
ment, inform  you  that,  as  I  leave  this  to-morrow,  any  future  letters 
you  might  think  proper  to  address  will  not  reach, 

"  '  Yours  very  AiithfuUy, 

"' HyDRABAD  COTTAOB.'  *"  C.   Kamwortu. 


882  HARRY  LORREQUER. 


(( I 


■  This  was  a  tremendous  coup,  and  not  in  the  least  anticipated 
by  either  of  us ;  upon  mo  the  elfcct  was  stunning,  knowing,  as 
I  did,  that  our  fast-diminisliing  finances  were  nearly  expended. 
•Mary,  on  the  other  hand,  who  neither  knew  nor  thought  of  the 
exchequer,  rallied  at  once  from  her  depression,  and  after  a  hearty 
fit  of  crying,  dried  her  eyes,  and  putting  her  arm  round  my  neck, 
said, — 

"  '  Well,  Jack,  I  must  only  love  you  the  more,  since  papa  will  not 
share  any  of  my  affection.' 

"  *  I  wish  he  would  his  purse  though,'  muttered  I,  as  I  pressed  her 
in  my  arms,  and  strove  to  seem  perfectly  happy. 

"  I  shall  not  prolong  my  story  by  dwelling  upon  the  agitation  this 
letter  cost  me ;  however,  I  had  yet  a  hundred  pounds  left,  and  an 
aunt  in  Harley  street,  Avith  whom  I  had  always  been  a  favorite. 
This  thought,  the  only  rallying  one  I  possessed,  saved  me  for  the 
time ;  and  as  fretting  was  never  my  forte,  I  never  let  Mary  perceive 
that  anything  had  gone  wrong,  and  managed  so  well  in  this  respect, 
that  my  good  spirits  raised  hers,  and  we  set  out  for  London  one  fine 
sunshiny  morning  as  happy  a  looking  couple  as  ever  travelled  the 
north  road. 

"  When  we  arrived  at  the  '  Clarendon,'  my  first  care  was  to  get 
into  a  cab,  and  drive  to  Harley  street.  I  rang  the  bell,  and  not 
waiting  to  ask  if  my  aunt  was  at  home,  I  dashed  up  stairs  to  the 
drawing-room;  in  I  bolted,  and  instead  of  the  precise  old  Lady 
Lilford,  sitting  at  her  embroidery,  with  her  fat  poodle  beside  her, 
beheld  a  strapping-looking  fellow,  with  a  black  moustache,  making 
fierce  love  to  a  young  lady  on  a  sofa  beside  him. 

"  '  Why,  how  is  this — I  really — there  must  be  some  mistake  here.' 
In  my  heart  I  knew  that  such  doings  in  my  good  aunt's  dwelling 
were  impossible. 

"  '  I  should  suspect  there  is,  sir,'  drawled  out  he  of  the  moustache, 
as  he  took  a  very  cool  survey  of  me  through  his  glass, 

"  '  Is  Lady  Lilford  at  home,m.ay  I  ask?'  said  I,  in  a  very  apologetic 
tone  of  voice. 

"  '  I  haven't  the  honor  of  her  ladyship's  acquaintance,'  replied  he, 
in  a  lisp,  evidently  enjoying  my  perplexity,  which  was  every  moment 
becoming  more  evident. 

"  *  But  this  is  her  house,'  said  I,  '  at  least ' 

"  '  Lady  Lilford  is  at  Taris,  sir,'  said  the  young  lady,  who  now 
spoke  for  the  first  time.  '  Papa  has  taken  the  house  for  the  season, 
and  that  may  perhaps  account  for  your  mistake.' 

"  What  I  muttered  by  way  of  apology  for  my  intrusion,  I  know 
not;  but  I  stammered— the  young  lady  blushed — the  beau  chuckled, 
and  turned  to  the  window,  and  when  I  found  myself  in  the  street,  I 


JACK  WALLER'S  STORY.  383 

scarcely  knew  whether  to  laugh  at  my  blunder  or  curse  my  disap- 
pointment. 

"  The  next  morning  I  called  upon  my  aunt's  lawyer,  and  having 
obtained  her  address  in  Paris,  sauntered  to  the  '  Junior  Club,'  to 
write  her  a  letter  before  post  hour.  As  I  scanned  over  the  morning 
papers,  I  could  not  help  smiling  at  the  flaming  paragraph  which 
announced  my  marriage  to  the  only  daughter  and  heiress  of  the 
millionnaire  Colonel  Kamworth.  Not  well  knowing  how  to  open 
the  correspondence  with  my  worthy  relative,  I  folded  the  paper  con- 
taining the  news,  and  addressed  it  to  'Lady  Lilford,  Hutel  de 
Bristol,  Paris.' 

"  When  I  arrived  at  the  '  Clarendon,'  I  found  my  wife  and  her 
maid  surrounded  by  cases  and  bandboxes;  laces,  satins,  and  velvets 
were  displayed  on  all  sides,  while  an  emissary  from  'Storr  and 
Mortimer'  was  arranging  a  grand  review  of  jewelry  on  a  side-table, 
one  half  of  which  would  have  ruined  the  Eajah  of  Mysore  to  pur- 
chase. My  advice  was  immediately  called  into  requisition;  and 
pressed  into  service,  I  had  nothing  left  for  it  but  to  canvass,  criti- 
cise, and  praise,  between  times,  which  I  did  with  a  good  grace, 
considering  that  I  anticipated  the  *  Fleet'  for  every  ounce  of  Valen- 
ciennes lace ;  and  could  not  help  associating  a  rich  diamond  aigrette 
with  hard  labor  for  life  and  the  climate  of  New  South  Wales.  The 
utter  abstraction  I  was  in  led  to  some  awkward  contretemps,  and  as 
my  wife's  enthusiasm  for  her  purchases  increased,  so  did  my  reverie 
gain  ground. 

" '  Is  it  not  beautiful.  Jack  ?  how  delicately  worked !  it  must  have 
taken  a  long  time  to  do  it.' 

" '  Seven  years,'  I  muttered,  as  my  thoughts  ran  upon  a  very  dif- 
ferent topic. 

" '  Oh,  no,  not  bo  much,'  said  she,  laughing ;  *  and  it  must  be  such 
a  hard  thing  to  do.' 

" '  Not  half  so  hard  as  carding  wool  or  pounding  oyster-shells.' 

" '  How  absurd  you  are  1  Well,  I'll  take  this,  it  will  look  so  well 
in • 

"'Botany  Bay,'  said  I,  with  a  sigh  that  set  all  the  party 
laughing,  which  at  last  roused  me,  and  enabled  me  to  join  in  the 
joke. 

"  As  at  length  one  half  of  the  room  became  filled  with  millinery, 
and  the  other  glittered  with  jewels  and  bijouterie,  my  wife  grew  weary 
with  her  exertions,  and  we  found  ourselves  alone. 

"  When  I  told  her  that  my  aunt  had  taken  up  her  residence  in 
Paris,  it  immediately  occurred  to  her  how  ])leasant  it  would  be  to  go 
there  too ;  and  although  I  concurred  in  the  opinion,  for  very  dif- 
ferent reasons,  it  was  at  length  decided  that  we  should  do  so ;  and 


384  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

the  only  difficulty  now  existed  as  to  the  means,  as  though  the  daily 
papers  teemed  witli  '  four  ways  to  go  from  London  to  Paris/  they 
all  resolved  themselves  into  one,  and  that  one,  unfortunately  to  me, 
the  most  difficult  and  impracticable — by  money. 

"There  was,  however,  one  last  resource  open — the  sale  of  my 
commission.  I  will  not  dwell  upon  what  it  cost  me  to  resolve  upon 
this — the  determination  was  a  painful  one,  but  it  was  soon  come  to, 
and  before  five  o'clock  that  day,  Cox  and  Greenwood  had  got  their 
instructions  to  sell  out  for  me,  and  had  advanced  a  thousand  pounds 
of  the  purchase.  Our  bill  settled,  the  waiters  bowing  to  the  ground 
(it  is  your  ruined  man  that  is  always  the  most  liberal),  the  post- 
horses  harnessed,  and  impatient  for  the  road,  I  took  my  place  beside 
my  wife,  while  my  valet  held  a  parasol  over  the  soubrette  in  the 
rumble — all  in  the  approved  fashion  of  those  who  have  an  unlimited 
credit  with  Coutts  or  Drummond — the  whips  cracked,  the  leaders 
capered,  and  with  a  patronizing  bow  to  the  proprietor  of  the 
'  Clarendon,'  away  we  rattled  to  Dover. 

"  After  the  usual  routine  of  sea-sickness,  fatigue,  and  poisonous 
cookery,  we  reached  Paris  on  the  fifth  day,  and  put  uj)  at  the  '  Hotel 
de  Londres,  Place  Vendome.' 

"  To  have  an  adequate  idea  of  the  state  of  my  feelings  as  I  trod 
the  splendid  apartments  of  this  princely  hotel,  surrounded  by  every 
luxury  that  wealth  can  procure  or  taste  suggest,  you  must  imagine 
the  condition  of  a  man  who  is  regaled  with  a  sumptuous  banquet  on 
the  eve  of  his  execution.  The  inevitable  termination  to  all  my 
present  splendor  was  never  for  a  moment  absent  from  my  thoughts, 
and  the  secrecy  with  which  I  was  obliged  to  conceal  my  feelings 
formed  one  of  the  greatest  sources  of  my  misery.  *  The  eoup^  when 
it  does  come,  will  be  sad  enough,  and  poor  Mary  may  as  well  have 
the  comfort  of  the  deception  as  long  as  it  lasts  without  suffering  as 
I  do.'  Such  was  the  reasoning  by  which  I  met  every  resolve  to  break 
to  her  the  real  state  of  our  finances,  and  such  the  frame  of  mind  in 
which  I  spent  my  days  in  Paris,  the  only  really  unhappy  ones  I  can 
ever  charge  my  memory  with. 

"  We  had  scarcely  got  settled  in  the  hotel,  when  my  aunt,  who 
inhabited  the  opposite  side  of  the  'Place,'  came  over  to  see  us  and 
wish  us  joy.  She  had  seen  the  paragraph  in  the  Post,  and  like  all 
other  people  with  plenty  of  money,  fully  approved  a  match  like 
mine. 

"  She  was  delighted  with  Mary,  and  despite  the  natural  reserve  of 
the  old  maiden  lady,  became  actually  conlial,  and  invited  us  to  dine 
with  her  that  day,  and  every  succeeding  one  we  might  feel  disposed 
to  do  so.  '  So  far  so  well,'  thought  I,  as  I  offered  her  my  arm  to  see 
her  home;  'but  if  she  knew  of  what  value  even  this  small  attention 


J  A  CK  WA  LIEU 'S  STOR  Y.  385 

13  to  US,  am  I  quite  so  sure  she  would  offer  it?  However,  no  time 
is  to  be  lost;  I  cannot  live  in  this  state  of  hourly  agitation  ;  I  must 
make  some  one  the  confidant  of  my  sorrows,  and  none  so  fit  as  she 
who  can  relieve  as  well  as  advise  upon  them.'  Although  such  was 
my  determination,  yet  somehow  I  could  not  pluck  up  courage  for 
the  effort.  My  aunt's  congratulations  upon  my  good  luck  made  mo 
shrink  from  the  avowal;  and  while  she  ran  on  upon  the  beauty  and 
grace  of  my  wife,  topics  I  fully  concurred  in,  I  almost  chimed  in 
with  her  satisfaction  at  the  prudential  and  proper  motives  which 
led  to  the  match.  Twenty  times  I  was  on  the  eve  of  interrupting 
her,  and  saying,  '  But,  madam,  I  am  a  beggar,  my  wife  has  not  a 
shilling — I  have  absolutely  nothing — her  father  disowns  us — my 
commission  is  sold,  and  in  three  weeks  the  "  Hotel  de  Londres"  and 
the  "  Palais  Eoyal"  will  be  some  hundred  pounds  the  richer,  and  I 
without  the  fare  of  a  cab  to  drive  me  down  to  the  Seine  to  drown 
myself.' 

"  Such  were  my  thoughts ;  but  whenever  I  endeavored  to  speak 
them,  some  confounded  fullness  in  my  throat  nearly  choked  me ;  my 
temples  throbbed,  my  hands  trembled,  and  whether  it  was  shame, 
or  the  sickness  of  despair,  I  cannot  say,  but  the  words  would  not 
come,  and  all  that  I  could  get  out  was  some  flattery  of  my  wife's 
beauty,  or  some  vapid  eulogy  upon  my  own  cleverness  in  securing 
such  a  prize.  To  give  you  in  one  brief  sentence  an  idea  of  my 
state,  Harry,  know,  then,  that  though  loving  Marj',  with  all  my 
heart  and  soul,  as  I  felt  she  deserved  to  be  loved,  fifty  times  a 
day  I  would  have  given  my  life  itself  that  you  had  been  the  euc- 
cessful  man  on  the  morning  that  I  carried  her  off,  and  that  Jack 
Waller  waa  once  more  a  bachelor,  to  see  the  only  woman  he  ever 
loved  the  wife  of  another. 

"  But  this  is  growing  tedious,  Harry ;  I  must  get  over  the  ground 
faster.  Two  months  passed  over  at  Paris,  during  which  we  continued 
to  live  at  the  Londres,  giving  dinners,  soir6es  d^jeiiners,  with  the 
prettiest  equipage  in  the  Champs  Elys6es  I  we  were  quite  the  mode, 
for  my  wife,  which  is  rare  enough  for  an  Englishwoman,  knew  how 
to  dress  herself.  Our  evening  parties  were  the  most  distinguished 
things  going,  and  if  I  were  capable  of  partaking  of  any  pleasure  in 
the  6clai,  I  had  my  share,  having  won  all  the  pigeon  matches  in  the 
Bois  de  Boulogne,  and  beat  Lord  Henry  Seymour  himself  in  a 
steeplechase.  The  continual  round  of  occupation  in  which  pleasure 
involves  a  man  is  certainly  its  greatest  attraction — reflection  is  im- 
possible— the  present  is  too  full  to  admit  any  of  the  past,  and  very 
little  of  the  future ;  and  even  I,  with  all  my  terrors  awaiting  me, 
began  to  feel  a  half  indifference  to  the  result  in  the  manifold  cares 
of  my  then  existence.  To  this  state  of  fatalism — for  such  it  was 
25 


386  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

becoming — had  I  arrived,  when  the  vision  was  dispelled  in  a  mo- 
ment by  a  visit  from  my  aunt,  who  came  to  say  that  some  business 
requiring  her  immediate  attention  in  London,  she  was  to  set  out 
that  evening,  but  hoped  to  find  us  in  Paris  on  her  return.  I  was 
thunderstruck  at  the  news.  Although  as  yet  I  had  obtained  no 
manner  of  assistance  from  the  old  lady,  yet  I  felt  that  her  very  pres- 
ence was  a  kind  of  security  to  us,  and  that  in  every  sudden  emer- 
gency she  was  there  to  apply  to.  My  money  was  nearly  expended, 
the  second  and  last  installment  of  my  commission  was  all  that 
remained,  and  much  of  even  that  I  owed  to  tradespeople.  I  now 
resolved  to  speak  out.  'The  worst  must  be  known,'  thought  I,  'in 
a  few  days,  and  now  or  never  be  it.'  So  saying,  I  drew  my  aunt's 
arm  within  my  own,  and  telling  her  that  I  wished  a  few  minutes' 
conversation  alone,  led  her  to  one  of  the  less  frequented  walks  in  the 
Tuileries  gardens.  When  we  had  got  sufficiently  far  to  be  removed 
from  all  listeners,  I  began  thus:  'My  dearest  aunt,  what  I  have 
suffered  in  concealing  from  you  so  long  the  subject  of  my  present 
confession,  will  plead  as  my  excuse  in  not  making  you  sooner  my 
confidante.'  When  I  had  got  thus  far,  the  agitation  of  my  aunt 
was  such  that  I  could  not  venture  to  say  more  for  a  minute  or  two. 
At  length  she  said,  in  a  kind  of  hurried  whisper,  'Go  on ; '  and 
although  then  I  would  have  given  all  I  possessed  in  the  world  to 
have  continued,  I  could  not  speak  a  word. 

'"Dear  John,  what  is  it? — anything  about  Mary  ?  For  Heaven's 
sake,  speak.' 

"  '  Yes,  dearest  aunt,  it  is  about  Mary,  and  entirely  about  Mary.' 
" '  Ah,  dear  me,  I  feared  it  long  since ;  but  then,  John,  consider, 

she  is  very  handsome — very  much  admired — and ' 

"  '  That  makes  it  all  the  heavier,  my  dear  aunt ;  the  prouder  her 
present  position,  the  more  severely  will  she  feel  the  reverse.' 
"  '  Oh,  but  surely,  John,  your  fears  must  exaggerate  the  danger.' 
"'Nothing  of  the  kind — I  have  not  words  to  tell  you.' 
"'Oh  dear,  oh  dear,  don't  say  so,'  said  the  old  lady,  blushing; 
'  for  though  I  have  often  remarked  a  kind  of  gay  flirting  manner  she 
has  with  men,  I  am  sure  she  means  nothing  by  it — she  is  so  young 

— and  so ' 

"  I  stopped,  stepped  forward,  and  looking  straight  in  my  aunt's 
face,  broke  out  into  a  fit  of  laughter,  that  she  mistaking  for  hys- 
terical from  its  violence,  nearly  fainted  upon  the  spot. 

"  As  soon  as  I  could  sufficiently  recover  gravity  to  explain  to  my 
aunt  her  mistake,  I  endeavored  to  do  so ;  but  so  ludicrous  was  the 
contretemps,  and  so  ashamed  the  old  lady  for  her  gratuitous  sus- 
picions, that  she  would  not  listen  to  a  word,  and  begged  me  to 
return  to  her  hotel.    Such  an  unexpected  turn  to  my  communica- 


J  A  CK  WA  LLER'S  S  TOR  Y.  387 

tion  routed  all  my  plana ;  and  after  a  very  awkward  silence  of  some 
minutes  on  both  sides,  I  mumbled  something  about  her  ex{)ensive 
habits  of  life,  costly  equii)ages,  number  of  horses,  &c.,  and  hinted  at 
the  propriety  of  retrenchment. 

"'I\Iary  rides  beautifully,'  said  my  aunt,  dryly. 

" '  Yes ;  but,  my  dear  aunt,  it  was  not  exactly  of  that  I  was  going 
to  speak,  for  in  fact ' 

"'Oh,  John,'  said  she,  interrupting,  'I  know  your  delicacy  too 
well  to  suspect;  but,  in  fact,  I  have  myself  perceived  what  you 
alllide  to,  and  wished  very  much  to  have  some  conversation  with 
you  on  the  subject.' 

"'Thank  God  I'  said  I  to  myself,  'at  length  we  understand  each, 
other,  and  the  ice  is  broken  at  last.' 

" '  Indeed,  I  think  I  have  anticipated  your  wish  in  the  matter ; 
but  as  time  presses,  and  I  must  look  after  all  my  packing,  I  shall 
say  good-bye  for  a  kyf  weeks ;  and  in  the  evening,  Jepson,  who 
stays  here,  will  bring  you  what  I  mean  over  to  your  hotel.  Once 
more,  then,  good-bye  I' 

*"  Good-bye,  my  dearest,  kindest  friend!'  said  I,  taking  a  most 
tender  adieu  of  the  old  lady.  '  What  an  excellent  creature  she  is ! ' 
said  I,  half  aloud,  as  I  turned  towards  home;  'how  considerate,  how 
truly  kind,  to  spare  me,  too,  all  the  pain  of  explanation.  Now  I 
begin  to  breathe  once  more.  If  there  be  a  flask  of  Johannisberg  in 
the  "Londres,"  I'll  drink  your  health  this  day,  and  so  shall  Mary.' 
So  saying,  I  entered  the  hotel  with  a  lighter  heart  and  a  firmer 
step  than  ever  it  had  been  my  fortune  to  do  hitherto. 

"'We  shall  miss  the  old  lady,  I'm  sure,  Mary,  she  is  so  kind.' 

"'Oh!  indeed  she  is ;  but  then,  John,  she  is  snch  a  prude.' 

"Now  I  could  not  help  recurring  in  my  mind  to  some  of  the  con- 
versation in  the  Tuileries  gardens,  and  did  not  feel  exactly  at  ease. 

" '  Such  a  prude,  and  so  very  old-fashioned  in  her  notions.' 

" '  Yes,  Mary,'  said  I,  Avith  more  gravity  than  she  was  prepared 
for,  'she  is  a  prude;  but  I  am  not  certain  that  in  foreign  society, 
where  fewer  liberties  are  tolerated  than  in  our  country,  if  such  a 
bearing  be  not  wiser.'  What  I  was  going  to  plunge  into.  Heaven 
knows,  for  the  waiter  entered  at  the  moment,  and  presenting  mo 
with  a  large  and  carefully-sealed  package,  said, '  De  le  part  de  Miladi 
Lilfore.'  'But  stay,  here  comes,  if  I  am  not  mistaken,  a  better 
eulogy  upon  my  dear  aunt  than  any  I  can  pronounce.' 

" '  How  heavy  it  is,'  said  I  to  myself,  balancing  the  parcel  in  my 
hand.  '  There  is  no  answer,'  said  I  aloud  to  the  waiter,  who  stood 
as  if  expecting  one. 

"  '  The  servant  wishes  to  have  some  acknowledgment  in  writing, 
sir,  that  it  has  been  delivered  into  your  own  hands.' 


388  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

" '  Send  him  here,  then,'  said  I. 

"  Jepson  entered.  '  Well,  George,  your  parcel  is  all  right,  and 
here  is  a  napoleon  to  drink  my  health.' 

"  Scarcely  had  the  servants  left  the  room,  when  Mary,  whose  curi- 
osity was  fully  roused,  rushed  over,  and  tried  to  get  the  packet  from 
me.  After  a  short  struggle,  I  yielded,  and  she  flew  to  the  end  of  the 
room,  and  tearing  open  the  seals,  several  papers  fell  to  the  ground. 
Before  I  could  have  time  to  snatch  them  up,  she  had  read  some  lines 
written  on  the  envelope,  and,  turning  towards  me,  threw  her  arms 
around  my  neck,  and  said,  *  Yes,  Jack,  she  is  indeed  all  you  have 
said.  Look  here  1'  I  turned  and  read,  with  what  feeling  I  leave  to 
you  to  guess,  the  following  : — 

" '  Dear  Nephew  and  Niece  : — The  enclosed  will  convey  to  you, 
■with  my  warmest  wishes  for  your  happiness,  a  ticket  on  the  Frank- 
fort lottery,  of  which  I  enclose  the  scheme.  I  also  take  the  oppor- 
tunity of  saying  that  I  have  purchased  the  Hungarian  pony  for 
Mary,  which  we  spoke  of  this  morning.  It  is  at  Johnston's  stable, 
and  will  be  delivered  on  sending  for  it.* 

"  *  Think  of  that.  Jack — the  Borghese  pony,  with  the  silky  tail, 
mine !  Oh,  what  a  dear,  good  old  soul !  it  was  the  very  thing  of 
all  others  I  longed  for,  for  they  told  me  the  princess  had  refused 
every  offer  for  it.' 

"  While  Mary  ran  on  in  this  strain,  I  sat  mute  and  stupefied ;  the 
sudden  reverse  my  hopes  had  sustained  deprived  me  for  a  moment 
of  all  thought,  and  it  was  several  minutes  before  I  could  rightly  take 
in  the  full  extent  of  my  misfortunes. 

"  How  that  crazy  old  maid — for  such,  alas  I  I  called  her  to  myself 
now — could  have  so  blundered  all  my  meaning — how  she  could  so 
palpably  have  mistaken — I  could  not  conceive.  What  a  remedy  for 
a  man  overwhelmed  with  debt — a  ticket  in  a  German  lottery,  and  a 
cream-colored  pony,  as  if  my  whole  life  had  not  been  one  continued 
lottery  with  every  day  a  blank ;  and  as  to  horses,  I  had  eleven  in 
my  stables  already.  Perhaps  she  thought  twelve  would  read  better 
in  my  schedule,  when  I,  next  week,  surrendered  as  insolvent. 

"  Unable  to  bear  the  delight,  the  childish  delight  of  Mary,  on  her 
new  acquisition,  I  rushed  out  of  the  house,  and  wandered  for  several 
hours  on  the  boulevards.  At  last  I  summoned  up  courage  to  tell 
my  wife.  I  once  more  turned  towards  home,  and  entered  her  dress- 
ing-room, where  she  was  having  her  hair  dressed  for  a  ball  at  the 
Embassy.  My  resolution  failed  me.  '  Not  now ;'  thought  I ;  'to- 
morrow will  do  as  well — one  night  more  of  happiness  for  her,  and 

then '     I  looked  on  with  pleasure  and  pride,  as  ornament  after 

ornament,  brilliant  with  diamonds  and  emeralds,  shone  in  her  hair 


JACK  WALLER'S  STOnr.  389 

and  upon  her  arras,  still  heightening  her  beauty,  and  lighting  up 
with  a  dazzling  brilliancy  her  lovely  figure.  '  But  then  it  must 
come,  and  whenever  the  hour  arrives,  the  reverse  will  be  fully  as 
bitter ;  besides,  I  am  able  now,  and  when  I  may  again  be  so,  who 
can  tell  ?  Now  then  be  it,'  said  I,  as  I  told  the  waiting-maid  to 
retire;  and  taking  a  chair  beside  my  wife,  put  my  arm  round  her. 

"  'There,  John,  dearest,  take  care  ;  don't  you  see  you'll  crush  all 
that  great  affair  of  Malines  lace,  that  Rosetta  has  been  breaking  her 
heart  to  manage  this  half  hour.' 

"'Et  puis?' said  I. 

" '  Et  puis,  I  could  not  go  to  the  ball,  naughty  boy.  I  am  bent 
on  great  conquest  to-night ;  so  pray  don't  mar  such  good  intentions.' 

"  '  And  would  be  greatly  disappointed  were  you  not  to  go  ?' 

" '  Of  course  I  should.  But  what  do  you  mean ;  is  there  any 
reason  why  I  should  not  ?  You  are  silent,  John ;  speak — oh  speak 
— has  anything  occurred  to  my ' 

" '  No,  no,  dearest — nothing  that  I  know  has  occurred  to  the 
colonel.' 

"  *  Well,  then,  who  is  it?    Oh,  tell  me  at  once.' 

" '  Oh,  my  dear,  there  is  no  one  in  the  case  but  ourselves.'  So 
saying,  despite  the  injunction  about  the  lace,  I  drew  her  towards 
me,  and  in  as  few  words,  but  as  clearly  as  I  was  able,  explained  all 
our  circumstances — my  endeavor  to  better  them — my  hopes — my 
fears — and  now  my  bitter  disappointment,  if  npt  despair. 

"  The  first  shock  over,  Mary  showed  not  only  more  courage,  but 
more  sound  sense  than  I  could  have  believed.  All  the  frivolity  of 
her  former  character  vanished  at  the  first  touch  of  adversity ;  just 
as  of  old,  Harry,  we  left  the  tinsel  of  our  gay  jackets  behind,  when 
active  service  called  upon  us  for  something  more  sterling.  Slie 
advised,  counselled,  and  encouraged  me  by  turns ;  and  in  half  an 
hour  the  most  poignant  regret  I  had  was  in  not  having  sooner  made 
her  my  confidante,  and  checked  the  progress  of  our  enormous  ex- 
penditure somewhat  earlier. 

"  I  shall  not  detain  you  much  longer.  In  three  weeks  we  had 
sold  our  carriages  and  horses,  our  pictures  (we  had  begun  this 
among  our  extravagances),  soon  after  our  china  followed,  and  under 
the  plea  of  ill-health  set  out  for  Baden,  not  one  among  our  Paris 
acquaintances  ever  suspecting  the  real  reason  of  our  departure,  and 
never  attributing  any  pecuniary  difiiculties  to  us — for  we  paid  our 
debts. 

"  The  same  day  we  left  Paris  I  despatched  a  letter  to  my  aunt, 
explaining  fully  all  about  us,  and  suggesting  that,  as  I  had  now  left 
the  army  forever,  perhaps  she  Avould  interest  some  of  her  friends — ■ 
and  she  had  powerful  ones — to  do  something  for  me. 


390  HARMY  LORREQUER. 

"  After  some  little  loitering  on  the  Khine,  we  fixed  upon  Hesse 
Cassel  for  our  residence.  It  was  very  quiet — very  cheap.  The 
country  around  picturesque,  and  last,  but  not  least,  there  was  not 
an  Englishman  in  the  neighborhood.  The  second  week  after  our 
arrival  brought  us  letters  from  my  aunt.  She  had  settled  four 
hundred  a  year  upon  us  for  the  present,  and  sent  the  first  year  in 
advance ;  and,  pledging  herself  not  to  forget  when  an  opportunity 
of  serving  me  should  offer,  promised  us  a  visit  as  soon  as  we  were 
ready  to  receive  her. 

"  From  that  moment  to  this,"  said  Jack,  "  all  has  gone  well  with 
us.  We  have,  it  is  true,  not  many  luxuries,  but  we  have  no  wants, 
and,  better  still,  no  debts.  The  dear  old  aunt  is  always  making  us 
some  little  present  or  other,  and  somehow  I  have  a  kind  of  feeling 
that  better  luck  is  still  in  store ;  but  faith,  Harry,  as  long  as  I  have 
a  happy  home,  and  a  warm  fireside  for  a  friend  when  he  drops  in 
upon  me,  I  scarcely  can  say  that  better  luck  need  be  wished  for." 

"There  is  only  one  point.  Jack,  you  have  not  enlightened  me 
upon ;  how  came  you  here  ?  You  are  some  hundred  miles  from 
Hesse  in  your  present  chS,teau." 

"  Oh  I  by  Jove,  that  was  a  great  omission  in  my  narrative ;  but 
come,  this  will  explain  it ;  see  here."  So  saying,  he  drew  from  a 
little  drawer  a  large  lithographic  print  of  a  magnificent  castellated 
building,  with  towers  and  bastions,  keep,  moat,  and  even  draw- 
bridge, the  walls  bristling  with  cannon,  and  an  eagled  banner  float- 
ing proudly  over  them. 

"What,  in  the  name  of  the  Sphynxes,  is  this?" 

"  There,"  said  Jack,  "  is  the  Schloss  von  Eberhausen ;  or,  if  you 
like  it  in  English,  Eberhausen  Castle,  as  it  was  in  the  year  of  the 
Deluge,  since  the  present  mansion  that  we  are  now  sipping  our 
wine  in  bears  no  close  resemblance  to  it.  But  to  make  the  mystery 
clear,  this  was  the  great  prize  in  the  Frankfort  lottery,  the  ticket  of 
which  my  aunt's  first  note  contained,  and  which  we  were  fortunate 
enough  to  win.  We  have  only  been  here  a  few  weeks,  and  though 
the  affair  looks  somewhat  meagre,  we  have  hopes  that  in  a  little 
time,  and  with  some  pains,  much  may  be  done  to  make  it  habitable. 
There  is  a  capital  chasse  of  some  hundred  acres  ;  plenty  of  wood  and 
innumerable  rights,  seignorial,  manorial,  &c.,  which,  fortunately  for^ 
my  neighbors,  I  neither  understand  nor  care  for ;  and  we  are  there- ' 
fore  the  best  friends  in  the  world.  Among  others,  I  am  styled  the 
Graf  or  Count " 

"  Well,  then.  Monsieur  le  Comte,"  said  his  wife,  coming  in,  "  do 
you  intend  favoring  me  with  your  company  at  coffee  this  evening? 
for  already  it  is  ten  o'clock  ;  and  considering  my  former  claim  upou 
Mr.  Lorrequer,  you  have  let  me  enjoy  very  little  of  his  society." 


MUNICH.  391 

We  now  adjourned  to  the  drawing-room,  where  we  gossiped  away 
till  pjist  midnight;  I  then  retired  to  my  room  meditating  over 
Jack's  adventures,  and  praying  in  my  heart  that,  despite  all  his 
mischances,  my  own  might  end  as  happily. 


CHAPTER   LII. 

MUNICH. 

THE  rest  and  quietness  of  the  preceding  day  had  so  far  recov- 
ered me  from  the  effects  of  my  accident,  that  I  resolved,  as 
soon  as  breakfast  was  over,  to  take  leave  of  my  kind  friends, 
and  set  out  for  Munich. 

"  We  shall  meet  to-night,  Harry,"  said  Waller,  as  we  parted — 
"we  shall  meet  at  the  Casino — and  don't  forget  that  the  Croix 
Blanche  is  your  hotel ;  and  Schnetz,  the  tailor,  in  the  Grande  Place, 
will  provide  you  with  everything  you  need  in  the  way  of  dress." 

This  latter  piece  of  information  was  satisfactory,  inasmuch  as  the 
greater  part  of  my  luggage,  containing  my  uniform,  &c.,  had  been 
left  in  the  French  diligence ;  and  as  the  ball  was  patronized  by  the 
Court,  I  was  greatly  puzzled  how  to  make  my  appearance. 

Bad  roads  and  worse  horses  made  me  feel  the  few  leagues  before 
me  the  most  tiresome  part  of  my  journey.  But,  of  course,  in  this 
feeling  impatience  had  its  share.  A  few  hours  more  and  my  fate 
would  be  decided ;  and  yet  I  thought  the  time  would  never  come. 
"  If  the  Callonbys  should  not  arrive — if,  again,  my  evil  star  be  in 
the  ascendant,  and  any  new  impediment  to  our  meeting  arise — but 
I  cannot,  will  not  think  this — Fortune  must  surely  be  tired  of  per- 
secuting me  by  this  time,  and,  even  to  sustain  her  old  character  for 
fickleness,  must  befriend  me  now.  Ah  I  here  we  are  in  Munich — 
and  this  is  the  Croix  Blanche — what  a  dingy  old  mansion!" 
Beneath  a  massive  porch,  supported  by  heavy  stone  pillars,  stood 
the  stout  figure  of  Andreas  Behr,  the  host.  A  white  napkin, 
fastened  in  one  button-hole,  and  hanging  gracefully  down  beside 
him — a  soup-ladle  held  sceptre-wise  in  his  right  hand,  and  the 
grinding  motion  of  his  nether  jaw,  all  showed  that  he  had  risen 
from  his  table  d'hote  to  welcome  the  new  arrival :  and  certainly,  if 
noise  and  uproar  might  explain  the  i)henomenon,  the  clatter  of  ray 
equipage  over  the  pavement  might  have  roused  the  dead. 

While  my  postilion  was  endeavoring,  by  mighty  efforts  with  a 
heavy  stone,  to  turn  the  luindle  of  the  door,  and  thus  liberate  nie 
from  my  cage,  I  perceived  that  the  host  came  forward  and  said 


392  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

something  to  him,  on  replying  to  which,  he  ceased  his  endeavors  to 
open  the  door,  and  looked  vacantly  about  him.  Upon  this  I  threw 
down  the  sash  and  called  out, 

"  I  say,  is  not  this  the  Croix  Blanche  ?" 

"  Ja,"  said  the  man-mountain  with  the  napkin. 

"  Well,  then,  open  the  door,  pray — I'm  going  to  stop  here." 

"  Nein." 

"  No  1  What  do  you  roean  by  that  ?  Has  not  Lord  Callonby 
engaged  rooms  here  ?" 

"  Ja." 

"  Well,  then,  I  am  a  particular  friend  of  his,  and  will  stay  here 
too." 

"  Nein." 

"  What  the  devil  are  you  at,  with  your  Ja  and  Nein  ?"  said  I. 
"  Has  your  confounded  tongue  nothing  better  than  a  monosyllable  to 
reply  with?" 

Whether  disliking  the  tone  the  controversy  was  assuming,  or 
remembering  that  his  dinner  waited,  I  know  not,  but  at  these 
words  my  fat  friend  turned  leisurely  round,  and  waddled  back 
into  the  house,  where  in  a  moment  after,  I  had  the  pleasure  of 
beholding  him  at  the  head  of  a  long  table,  distributing  viands 
with  a  very  different  degree  of  activity  from  what  he  displayed  in 
dialogue. 

With  one  vigorous  jerk  I  dashed  open  the  door,  upsetting,  at  the 
same  time,  the  poor  postilion,  who  had  recommenced  his  operations 
on  the  lock,  and,  foaming  with  passion,  strode  into  the  salle  d  manger. 
Nothing  is  such  an  immediate  damper  to  any  sudden  explosion  of 
temper  as  the  placid  and  unconcerned  faces  of  a  number  of  people, 
who,  ignorant  of  yourself,  and  your  peculiar  miseries  at  the  moment, 
seem  only  to  regard  you  as  a  madman.  This  I  felt  strongly,  as 
flushed  in  face  and  tingling  in  my  fingers,  I  entered  the  room. 

"  Take  my  luggage,"  said  I  to  a  gaping  waiter,  "  and  place  a 
chair  there;  do  you  hear?" 

There  seemed,  I  suppose,  something  in  my  looks  that  did  not 
admit  of  much  parley,  for  the  man  made  room  for  me  at  once  at 
the  table,  and  left  the  room,  as  if  to  discharge  the  other  part  of  my 
injunction,  without  saying  a  word.  As  I  arranged  my  napkin 
before  me,  I  was  collecting  my  energies  and  my  German,  as  well  as 
I  was  able,  for  the  attack  of  the  host,  which,  I  anticipated  from  his 
recent  conduct,  must  now  ensue ;  but,  greatly  to  my  surprise,  he 
sent  me  my  soup  without  a  word,  and  the  dinner  went  on  without 
any  interruption.  When  the  dessert  had  made  its  appearance,  I 
beckoned  the  waiter  towards  me,  and  asked  what  the  landlord 
meant  by  his  singular  reception  of  me.    The  man  shrugged  hia 


MUNICH.  393 

shnuldors  find  raised  his  eyebrows  without  speaking,  as  if  to  imply, 
"  it's  liis  way." 

"  Well,  then,  no  matter,"  said  I.  "  Have  you  sent  my  luggage 
up  stairs  ?" 

"  No,  sir,  there  is  no  room — the  house  is  full." 

"The  house  full  I  Confound  it— this  is  too  provoking.  I  have 
most  urgent  reasons  for  wishing  to  stay  here.  Cannot  you  make 
some  arrangement — see  about  it,  waiter."  I  here  slipped  a  napoleon 
into  the  fellow's  hand,  and  hinted  that  as  much  more  awaited  the 
finale  of  the  negotiation. 

In  about  a  minute  after,  I  perceived  him  behind  the  host's  chair 
pleading  my  cause  with  considerable  energy  ;  but  to  my  complete 
chagrin  I  heard  the  other  answer  all  his  eloquence  by  a  loud 
"  Nein,"  that  he  grunted  out  in  such  a  manner  aa  closed  the  con- 
ference. 

"  I  cannot  succeed,  sir,"  said  the  man,  as  he  passed  behind  me, 
"but  don't  leave  the  house  till  I  speak  with  you  again." 

"  What  confounded  mystery  is  there  in  all  this  ?"  thought  I. 
"  Is  there  anything  so  suspicious  in  my  look  or  appearance,  that 
the  old  bear  in  the  fur  cap  will  not  even  admit  me?  What  can  it 
all  mean  ?  One  thing  I'm  resolved  upon — nothing  less  than  force 
shall  remove  me." 

So  saying,  I  lit  my  cigar,  and  in  order  to  give  the  waiter  an  oppor- 
tunity of  conferring  with  me  unobserved  by  his  master,  walked  out 
into  the  porch  and  sat  down. 

In  a  few  minutes  he  joined  me,  and  after  a  stealthy  look  on  each 
side,  said, — 

"  The  Herr  Andreas  is  a  hard  man  to  deal  with,  and  when  he 
Bays  a  thing,  never  goes  back  of  it.  Now,  he  has  been  expecting 
the  new  English  Charg6  d'Affaires  here  these  last  ten  days,  and  has 
kept  the  hotel  half  empty  in  consequence;  and  as  Milord  Callonby 
has  engaged  the  other  half,  why  we  have  nothing  to  do ;  so  that 
when  he  asked  the  postilion  if  you  were  Milord,  and  found  that  you 
were  not,  he  determined  not  to  admit  you." 

"  But  why  not  have  the  civility  to  explain  that?" 

"  He  seldom  speaks  ;  and  when  he  does,  only  a  word  or  two  at  a 
time.  He  is  quite  tired  with  what  he  has  gone  through  to-day,  and 
will  retire  very  early  to  bed ;  and  for  this  reason  I  have  requested 
you  to  remain,  for  as  he  never  ventures  up  stairs,  I  will  then  man- 
age to  give  you  one  of  the  ambassador's  rooms,  which,  even  if  he 
come,  he'll  never  miss.  So  that  if  you  keep  quiet,  and  do  not 
attract  any  particular  attention  towards  you,  all  will  go  well." 

lliis  advice  seemed  so  reasonable,  that  I  determined  to  follow  it, 
any  inconvenience  being  preferable,  provided  I  could  be  under  the 


394  EARRY  L  ORREQ UER. 

same  roof  with  my  beloved  Jane ;  and  from  the  waiter's  account, 
there  seemed  no  doubt  whatever  of  their  arrival  that  evening.  In 
order,  therefore,  to  follow  his  injunctions  to  the  letter,  I  strolled  out 
toward  the  Place  in  search  of  the  tailor,  and  also  to  deliver  a  letter 
from  Waller  to  the  chamberlain,  to  provide  me  with  a  card  for  the 
ball.  Monsieur  Schnetz,  who  was  the  very  pinnacle  of  politeness, 
was,  nevertheless,  in  fact,  nearly  as  untractable  as  my  host  of  the 
"  Cross."  All  his  people  were  engaged  in  preparing  a  suit  for  the 
English  Charge  d' Affaires,  whose  trunks  had  been  sent  in  a  wrong 
direction,  and  who  had  despatched  a  courier  from  Frankfort  to 
order  a  uniform.  This  second  thwarting,  and  from  the  same  source, 
so  nettled  me,  that  I  greatly  fear  all  my  respect  for  the  Foreign 
Office,  and  those  who  live  thereby,  would  not  have  saved  them  from 
something  most  unlike  a  blessing,  had  not  Monsieur  Schnetz  saved 
diplomacy  from  such  desecration  by  saying,  that  if  I  could  content 
myself  with  a  plain  suit,  such  as  civilians  wore,  he  would  do  his 
endeavor  to  accommodate  me. 

"  Anything,  Monsieur  Schnetz ;  dress  me  like  the  Pope's  Nuncio, 
or  the  Lord  Mayor  of  London,  if  you  like,  but  only  enable  me 
to  go." 

Although  my  reply  did  not  seem  to  convey  a  very  exalted  idea  of 
my  taste  in  costume  to  the  worthy  artist,  it  at  least  evinced  my 
anxiety  for  the  ball ;  and  running  his  measure  over  me,  he  assured 
me  that  the  dress  he  would  provide  was  both  well-looking  and 
becoming,  adding,  "  At  nine  o'clock,  sir,  you  shall  have  it,  exactly 
the  same  size  as  that  of  his  Excellency  the  Charg6  d' Affaires." 

"  Confound  the  Charg6  d' Affaires  I"  I  added,  and  left  the  house. 


CHAPTER  LIIL 

INN  AT  MUNICH. 

NEVER  having  been  in  Munich  before,  I  strolled  about  the 
town  till  dusk.  At  that  time  the  taste  of  the  king  had  not 
enriched  the  capital  with  the  innumerable  objects  of  art 
which  render  it  now  second  to  none  in  Europe.  There  were  then, 
indeed,  but  few  attractions— narrow  streets,  tall,  unarchitectural- 
looking  houses,  and  gloomy,  unimpressive  churches.  Tired  of  this, 
I  turned  towards  my  inn,  wondering  in  my  mind  if  Antoine  had 
succeeded  in  procuring  me  the  room,  or  whether  I  should  be  obliged 
to  seek  my  lodging  elsewhere.  Scarcely  had  I  entered  the  porch, 
when  I  found  him  awaiting  my  arrival,  candle  in  hand.     He  con- 


JNN  AT  MUNICTT.  395 

ducted  me  at  once  up  the  wide  oaken  stair,  then  along  the  gallery, 
into  a  large  wainscott-d  room,  with  a  most  cui)acious  bed.  A  clieor- 
ful  wood  lire  burned  and  crackled  away  in  tlie  grate — the  cloth  was 
already  spread  for  supper — (remember  it  was  in  Germany)— the 
newspapers  of  the  day  were  placed  before  me,  and,  in  a  word,  every 
attention  showed  that  I  had  found  the  true  avenue  to  Antoine's 
good  graces,  who  now  stood  bowing  before  me,  in  apparent  ecstasy 
at  his  own  cleverness. 

"  All  very  well  done,  Antoine ;  and  now  for  supper.  Order  it 
yourself  for  me ;  I  never  can  find  my  way  in  a  German  Speiss- 
carte ;  and  be  sure  to  have  &  fiacre  here  at  nine  precisely." 

Antoine  withdrew,  leaving  me  to  my  own  reflections,  which  now, 
if  not  gloomy,  were  still  of  the  most  anxious  kind. 

Scarcely  was  the  supper  placed  upon  the  table,  when  a  tremen- 
dous tramping  of  horses  along  the  street  and  loud  cracking  of  whips 
announced  a  new  arrival. 

"  Here  they  are  I"  said  I,  as,  springing  up,  I  upset  the  soup,  and 
nearly  threw  the  roti  into  Antoine's  face,  as  he  was  putting  it 
before  me. 

Down  stairs  I  rushed  through  the  hall,  pushing  aside  waitere  and 
overturning  chambermaids  in  my  course.  The  carriage  was  already 
at  the  door.  "  Kow  for  a  surprise,"  thought  I,  as  I  worked  through 
the  crowd  in  the  porch,  and  reached  the  door  just  as  the  steps  were 
clattered  down,  and  a  gentleman  began  to  descend,  whom  twenty 
expectant  voices,  now  informed  of  his  identity,  welcomed  as  the  new 
Chargd  d' Affaires. 

"  May  all  the " 

What  I  wished  for  his  Excellency  it  would  not  be  polite  to  repeat, 
nor  most  discreet  even  to  remember ;  but,  certes,  I  mounted  the 
stairs  with  as  little  good  will  towards  the  envoy  extraordinary  as 
was  consistent  with  due  loyalty. 

When  once  more  in  my  room,  I  congratulated  myself  that  now 
at  least  no  more  "  false  starts"  could  occur, — "  The  eternal  Charg6 
d'Affaires,  of  whom  I  have  been  hearing  since  my  arrival,  cannot 
come  twice.     He  is  here  now,  and  I  hope  I've  done  with  him." 

The  supper — some  greasiness  apart^ — was  good  ;  the  wine  excel- 
lent. My  spirits  were  gradually  rising,  and  I  paced  my  room  in 
that  mingled  state  of  hope  and  fear  that,  amid  all  its  anxieties,  lias 
such  moments  of  ecstasy.  A  new  noise  without — some  rabble  in  the 
street.  Hark  !  it  comes  nearer — I  hear  the  sound  of  wheels.  Yes, 
there  go  the  horses — nearer  and  nearer.  Ah  I  it  is  dying  away 
again.  Stay — yes,  yes, — here  it  is — here  they  are  !  The  noise  and 
tumult  without  now  increased  eveiy  instant ;  the  heavy  trot  of  six 
or  eight  horses  shook  the  very  street,  and  I  heard  the  round,  dull 


396  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

rumbling  sound  of  a  heavy  carriage,  as  it  drew  up  at  last  at  the  door 
of  the  inn.  Why  it  was,  I  know  not,  but  this  time  I  could  not  stir ; 
my  heart  beat  almost  loud  enough  for  me  to  hear;  my  temples 
throbbed,  and  then  a  cold  and  clammy  perspiration  came  over  me, 
and  I  sank  into  a  chair.  Fearing  that  I  was  about  to  faint,  sick  as 
I  was,  I  felt  angry  with  myself,  and  tried  to  rally,  but  could  not,  and 
only  at  length  was  roused  by  hearing  that  the  steps  were  let  down, 
and  shortly  after,  the  tread  of  feet  coming  along  the  gallery  towards 
my  room. 

"  They  are  coming — she  is  coming,"  thought  I.  "  Now  then  for 
my  doom  I" 

There  was  some  noise  of  voices  outside.  I  listened,  for  I  still  felt 
unable  to  rise.  The  talking  grew  louder — doors  were  opened  and 
shut — then  came  a  lull — then  more  slamming  of  doors  and  more 
talking — then  all  was  still  again — and  at  last  I  heard  the  steps  of 
people  as  if  retiring,  and  in  a  few  minutes  after,  the  carriage  door 
Was  jammed  to,  and  again  the  heavy  tramp  of  the  horses  rattled 
over  the  pav4.     At  this  instant  Antoine  entered. 

"  Well,  Antoine,"  said  I,  in  a  voice  trembling  with  weakness  and 
agitation — "  well,  who  has  arrived  ?" 

"  It  was  his  Grace  the  Grand  Mar^chal,"  said  Antoine,  scarcely 
heeding  my  question,  in  the  importance  of  the  illustrious  visitor 
who  had  come. 

"Ah,  the  Grand  Mar6chal,"  said  I,  carelessly;  "does  he  live 
here?" 

"  Sappermint  nein,  Mein  Herr ;  but  he  has  just  been  to  pay  his 
respects  to  his  Excellency  the  new  Charg6  d'Afiivires." 

In  the  name  of  all  patience,  I  ask,  who  could  endure  this?  From 
the  hour  of  my  arrival  I  am  haunted  by  this  one  image — the  Charge 
d'Affaires.  For  him  I  have  been  almost  condemned  to  go  houseless 
and  naked ;  and  now  the  most  sacred  feelings  of  my  heart  are  sub- 
ject to  his  influence.  I  walked  up  and  down  in  an  agony.  "  Another 
such  disappointment,  and  my  brain  will  turn,"  thought  I,  "and 
they  may  write  my  epitaph — '  Died  of  love  and  a  Charg6  d'Affaires.' " 

"  It  is  time  to  dress,"  said  the  waiter. 

"  I  could  strangle  him  with  my  own  hands,"  muttered  I,  worked 
up  into  a  real  heat  by  the  excitement  of  my  passion. 

"  The  Charg6 " 

"  Say  that  name  again,  villain,  and  I'll  blow  your  brains  out," 
cried  I,  seizing  Antoine  by  the  throat,  and  pinning  him  against  the 
wall ;  "  only  dare  to  mutter  it,  and  you'll  never  breathe  another 
sjdlable." 

The  poor  fellow  grew  green  with  terror,  and  fell  upon  hia  knees 
before  me. 


THE  BALL.  397 

"  Get  my  dressing  things  ready,"  said  I,  in  a  more  subdued  tone. 
"  I  did  not  mean  to  terrify  you — but  beware  of  what  I  told  you," 

While  Antoine  occupied  himself  with  the  preparations  for  my 
toilet,  I  sat  broodingly  over  the  wood  embers,  thinking  of  my  fate. 

A  knock  came  to  tlic  door.  It  was  the  tailor's  servant  with  my 
clothes.  He  laid  down  the  parcel  and  retired,  while  Antoine  pro- 
ceeded to  open  it,  and  exhibit  before  me  a  blue  uniform  with 
embroidered  collar  and  cuffs — the  whole,  without  being  gaudy,  being 
sufficiently  handsome,  and  quite  as  showy  as  I  could  wish. 

The  poor  waiter  expressed  his  unqualified  approval  of  the  costume, 
and  talked  away  about  the  approaching  ball  as  something  pre- 
eminently magnificent. 

"  You  had  better  look  after  the  fiacre,  Antoine,"  said  I ;  "it  is 
past  nine." 

He  walked  towards  the  door,  opened  it,  and  then  turning  round, 
said,  in  a  kind  of  low,  confidential  whisper,  pointing,  with  the  thumb 
of  his  left  hand  towards  the  wall  of  the  room  as  he  spoke, — 

"  He  won't  go — very  strange  that." 

"  Who  do  you  mean  ?"  said  I,  quite  unconscious  of  the  allusion. 

"  The  Charge  d'Aff " 

I  made  one  spring  at  him,  but  he  slammed  the  door  to,  and  before 
I  could  reach  the  lobby,  I  heard  him  rolling  from  top  to  bottom  of 
the  oak  staircase,  making  noise  enough  in  his  fall  to  accoimt  for  the 
fracture  of  every  bone  in  his  body. 


CHAPTER    LIV. 

THE   BALL. 

HAVING  been  informed  that  the  King  himself  would  be 
present  at  the  ball,  I  knew  that  Court  etiquette  required 
that  the  company  should  arrive  before  his  Majesty;  and 
although  every  minute  I  expected  the  arrival  of  the  Calloubys,  I 
dared  not  defer  my  departure  any  longer. 

"  They  are  certain  to  be  at  the  ball,"  said  Waller,  and  that  sen- 
tence never  left  my  mind. 

So  saying,  I  jumped  into  the  ficicre,  and  in  a  few  minutes  found 
myself  in  the  long  line  of  carriages  that  led  to  the  "  Hoi'-saal."  Any 
one  who  has  been  in  Munich  will  testify  for  me,  that  the  ball-room 
is  one  of  the  most  beautiful  in  Europe,  and  to  me,  who  for  some 
time  had  not  been  living  much  in  the  world,  its  splendor  was  posi- 
tively dazdiug.     The  glare  of  the  chuudcliers,  the  clang  of  the 


398  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

music,  the  magnificence  of  the  dresses,  the  beauty  of  the  Bavarian 
women,  too,  all  surprised  and  amazed  me.  There  were  several  hun- 
dred people  present,  but  the  King  not  having  yet  arrived,  dancing 
had  not  commenced.  Feeling  as  I  did  then,  it  was  rather  a  relief 
to  me  than  otherwise,  that  I  knew  no  one.  There  was  quite  amuse- 
ment enough  in  walking  through  the  saloons,  observing  the  strange 
costumes,  and  remarking  the  various  groups  as  they  congregated 
around  the  trays  of  ices  and  the  champagne  frapp6.  The  buzz  of 
talking  and  the  sounds  of  laughter  and  merriment  prevailed  over 
even  the  orchestra ;  and,  as  the  gay  crowds  paraded  the  rooms,  all 
seemed  pleasure  and  excitement.  Suddenly  a  tremendous  noise  was 
heard  without — then  came  a  loud  roll  of  the  drums,  which  lasted 

for  several  seconds,  and  the  clank  of  musketry — then  a  cheer ; 

it  is  the  King. 

"  The  King  !"  resounded  on  all  sides ;  and  in  another  moment  the 
folding-doors  at  the  end  of  the  saal  were  thrown  open,  and  the 
music  struck  up  the  national  anthem  of  Bavaria. 

His  Majesty  entered,  accompanied  by  the  Queen,  his  brother,  two 
or  three  archduchesses,  and  a  long  suite  of  officers. 

I  could  not  help  remarking  upon  the  singular  good  taste  with 
which  the  assembly — all  anxious  and  eager  to  catch  a  glimpse  of  his 
Majesty — behaved  on  this  occasion.  There  was  no  pressing  forward 
to  the  esirade  where  he  stood — no  vulgar  curiosity  evinced  by  any 
one,  but  the  groups  continued,  as  before,  to  gather  and  scatter.  The 
only  difference  was  that  the  velvet  chair  and  cushion,  which  had 
attracted  some  observers  before,  were,  now  that  they  were  tenanted 
by  royalty,  passed  with  a  deep  and  respectful  salutation.  "  How 
proper  this,"  thought  I,  "  and  what  an  inducement  for  a  monarch  to 
come  among  his  people,  who  remember  to  receive  him  with  such 
true  politeness."  While  these  thoughts  were  passing  through  my 
mind,  and  I  was  leaning  against  a  pillar  that  supported  the  gallery 
of  the  orchestra,  a  gentleman  whose  dress,  covered  with  gold  and 
embroidery,  bespoke  him  as  belonging  to  the  court,  eyed  me  with 
his  lorgnette,  and  then  passed  rapidly  on.  A  quadrille  was  now 
forming  near  me,  and  I  was  watching,  with  some  interest,  the  pro- 
ceeding, when  the  same  figure  that  I  remarked  before  approached 
me,  bowing  deeply  at  every  step,  and  shaking  a  halo  of  powder  from 
his  hair  at  each  reverence. 

"May  I  take  the  liberty  of  introducing  myself  to  you?"  said  he. 
"  Le  Comte  Benningsen."  Here  he  bowed  again,  and  I  returned  the 
obeisance  still  deeper.  "Regret  much  that  I  was  not  fortunate 
enough  to  make  your  acquaintance  this  evening  when  I  called  upon 
you,"  said  he,  with  another  salutation. 

"  Never  heard  of  that,"  said  I  to  myself. 


THE  BALL.  399 

"  Your  Excellency  arrived  this  evening?" 

"  Yes,"  said  I,  "  only  a  few  liours  since." 

"  How  fond  these  Germans  are  of  titles,"  thought  I.  Remember- 
ing that  in  Vienna  every  one  is  "  his  Grace,"  I  thought  it  might  be 
Bavarian  {politeness  to  call  every  one  his  Excellency. 

"  You  have  not  been  presented,  I  believe?" 

"  No,"  said  I ;  "  but  I  hope  to  take  an  early  opportunity  of  paying 
mes  hommages  to  his  Majesty." 

"  I  have  just  received  his  orders  to  present  you  now,"  replied  he, 
with  another  bow. 

"  The  devil  you  have,"  thought  I.  "  IIow  very  civil  that."  And 
although  I  had  heard  innumerable  anecdotes  of  the  free-and-easy 
habits  of  the  Bavarian  Court,  this  certainly  surprised  me,  so  that 
I  actually,  to  prevent  a  blunder,  said,  "  Am  I  to  understand  you, 
Monsieur  le  Comte,  that  his  Majesty  was  graciously  pleased " 

"  If  you  will  follow  me,"  replied  the  courtier,  motioning  with  his 
chapeau ;  and  in  another  moment  I  was  elbowing  my  way  through 
the  mob  of  marquises  and  duchesses,  on  my  way  to  the  raised  plat- 
form where  the  King  was  standing. 

"  Heaven  grant  I  have  not  misunderstood  all  he  has  been  saying," 
was  my  last  thought  as  the  crowd  of  courtiers  fell  back  on  either 
side,  and  I  found  myself  before  his  Majesty.  How  the  Grand 
Mar^chal  entitled  me,  I  heard  not ;  but  when  the  King  addressed 
me  immediately  in  English,  saying,  "  I  hope  your  Excellency  has 
had  a  good  journey  ?"  I  said  to  myself,  "  Come,  there  is  no  mistake 
here,  Harry ;  and  it  is  only  another  freak  of  fortune,  who  is  now  iu 
good  humor  with  you." 

The  King,  who  was  a  fine,  tall,  well-built  man,  with  a  large, 
bushy  moustache,  possessed,  though  not  handsome,  a  most  pleasing 
expression  ;  his  utterance  was  very  rapid,  and  his  English  none  of 
the  best,  so  that  it  was  with  the  greatest  difficulty  I  contrived  to 
follow  his  questions,  which  came  thick  as  hail  upon  me.  After 
some  commonplaces  about  tlie  roads,  the  weather,  and  the  seasons, 
his  Majesty  said, — 

"  My  Lord  Callonby  has  been  residing  some  time  here.  You 
know  him?"  And  then,  not  waiting  for  a  reply,  added,  "Pleasant 
person — well  informed — like  him  much,  and  his  daughters,  too — 
how  handsome  they  are  I"  Here  I  blushed,  and  felt  most  awkwardly, 
while  the  King  continued, — 

"  Hope  they  will  remain  some  time — quite  an  ornament  to  our 
Court.  Monsieur  le  Comte,  his  Excellency  will  dance."  I  here 
muttered  an  apology  about  my  sprained  ankle,  and  the  King  turned 
to  converse  with  some  of  the  ladies  of  the  court.  His  Majesty's 
notice  brought  several  persons  now  around  me,  who  introduced 


400  EARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

themselves ;  and  in  a  quarter  of  an  hour  I  felt  myself  surrounded 
by  acquaintances,  each  vying  with  the  other  in  showing  me 
attention. 

"  Worse  places  than  Munich,  Master  Harry,"  thought  I,  as  I 
chaperoned  a  fat  duchess,  with  fourteen  quarterings,  towards  the 
refreshment-room,  and  had  just  accepted  invitations  enough  to 
occupy  me  three  weeks  in  advance. 

"  I  have  been  looking  everywhere  for  your  Excellency,"  said  the 
Grand  Mar6chal,  bustling  his  way  to  me,  breathless  and  panting. 
"  His  Majesty  desires  you  will  make  one  of  his  party  at  whist,  so 
pray  come  at  once." 

"  Figaro  quil,  Figaro  R,"  muttered  I.  "  Never  was  man  in  such 
request.  Heaven  grant  the  whole  royal  family  of  Bavaria  be  not 
mad,  for  this  looks  very  like  it.  Lady  Jane  had  better  look  sharp, 
for  I  have  only  to  throw  my  eyes  on  an  archduchess,  to  be  King  of 
the  Bavarian  Tyrol  some  fine  morning." 

"  You  play  whist,  of  course ;  every  Englishman  does,"  said  the 
King.     "  You  shall  be  my  partner." 

Our  adversaries  were  the  Prince  Maximilian,  brother  to  his 
Majesty, and  the  Prussian  Ambassador.  As  I  sat  down  at  the  table, 
I  could  not  help  saying  in  my  heart,  "  Now  is  your  time,  Harry  ;  if 
my  Lord  Callonby  should  see  you,  your  fortune  is  made."  Waller 
passed  at  this  moment,  and  as  he  saluted  the  King,  I  saw  him 
actually  start  with  amazement  as  he  beheld  me. — "  Better  fun  this 
than  figuring  in  the  yellow  plush.  Master  Jack,"  I  muttered,  as  he 
passed  on  actually  thunderstruck  with  amazement.  But  the  game 
was  begun,  and  I  was  obliged  to  be  attentive.  We  won  the  first 
game,  and  the  King  was  in  immense  good  humor  as  he  took  some 
franc  pieces  from  the  Prussian  minister,  who,  small  as  the  stake 
was,  seemed  not  to  relish  losing.  His  Majesty  now  complimented 
me  upon  my  play,  and  was  about  to  add  something,  when  he  per- 
ceived some  one  in  the  crowd,  and  sent  an  aide-de-camp  for  him. 

"Ah,  my  lord,  we  expected  you  earlier;"  and  then  said  some 
words  in  too  low  a  tone  for  me  to  hear,  motioning  towards  me  as  ho 
spoke.  If  Waller  was  surprised  at  seeing  me  where  I  was,  it  was 
nothing  to  the  effect  produced  upon  the  present  party,  whom  I  now 
recognized  as  Lord  Callonby.  llespect  for  the  presence  we  were  in 
restrained  any  expression  on  either  side,  and  a  more  ludicrous 
tableau  than  we  presented  can  scarcely  be  conceived.  What  I 
would  have  given  that  the  whist  party  was  over,  I  need  not  say, 
and  certainly  his  Majesty's  eulogy  upon  my  play  came  too  soon,  for 
I  was  now  so  discomposed,  my  eyes  wandering  from  the  table  to  see 
if  Lady  Jane  was  near,  that  I  lost  every  trick,  and  finished  by 
revoking.      The  King  rose  half  pettishly,   observing  that  "His 


THE  BALL.  401 

Excellency  seems  fatigi'ed,"  and  I  rushed  forward  to  shake  hands 
with  Lord  Callonby,  totally  forgetting  the  royal  censure  in  my 
delight  at  discovering  my  friend. 

"  Lorrequer,  I  am  indeed  rejoiced  to  see  you,  and  when  did  you 
arrive  ?" 

"This  evening." 

"  This  evening  !  and  how  the  deuce  have  you  contrived  already, 
eh  ? — why  you  seem  quite  at  home  here  ?" 

"  You  shall  hear  all,"  said  I,  hastily ;  "  but  is  Lady  Callonby  here  ?" 

"No.  Kilkee  only  is  with  me  ;  there  he  is,  figuranting  away  in 
a  galop.  The  ladies  were  too  tired  to  come;  particularly  as  they 
dine  at  court  to-morrow ;  the  fatigue  would  be  too  great." 

"  I  have  his  Majesty's  order  to  invite  your  Excellency  to  dinner 
to-morrow,"  said  the  Grand  Marcchal,  coming  up  at  this  instant. 

I  bowed  my  acknowledgments,  and  turned  again  to  Lord  Callonby, 
whose  surprise  now  seemed  to  have  reached  the  climax. 

"  Why,  Lorrequer,  I  never  heard  of  this ;  when  did  you  adopt 
this  new  career  ?" 

Not  understanding  the  gist  of  the  question,  and  conceiving  that  it 
applied  to  my  success  at  court,  I  answered  at  random,  something 
about  "falling  upon  my  legs,  good  luck,  &c.," and  once  more  re- 
turned to  the  charge,  inquiring  most  anxiously  for  Lady  Callonby's 
health. 

"Ah  I  she  is  tolerably  well.  Jane  is  the  only  invalid  ;  but  then 
we  hope  Italy  will  restore  her."  Just  at  this  instant,  Kilkee  caught 
my  eye,  and  rushing  over  from  his  place  beside  his  partner,  shook 
me  by  both  hands,  saying, — 

"  Delighted  to  see  you  here,  Lorrequer ;  but  as  I  can't  stay  now, 
promise  to  sup  with  me  to-night  at  the  'Cross.'  " 

I  accepted  of  course,  and  the  next  instant  he  was  whirling  along 
in  his  waltz,  with  one  of  the  most  lovely  German  girls  I  ever  saw. 
Lord  Callonby  saw  my  admiration  of  her,  and  as  it  were  replying 
to  my  gaze,  remarked, — 

"  Yes,  very  handsome,  indeed  ;  but  really  Kilkee  is  going  too  far 
with  it.  I  rely  very  much  upon  you  to  reason  him  out  of  his  folly, 
and  we  have  all  agreed  that  you  have  most  influence  over  him,  and 
are  most  likely  to  be  listened  to  patiently." 

Here  was  a  new  character  assigned  me,  the  confidential  friend 
and  adviser  of  the  family,  trusted  with  a  most  delicate  and  important 
secret,  likely  to  bring  me  into  most  intimate  terms  of  intercourse 
with  them  all,  for  the  "  we"  of  Lord  Callonby  bespoke  a  fjimily  con- 
sultation, in  which  I  was  deputed  as  the  negotiator.  I  at  once 
promised  my  assistance,  saying,  at  the  same  time,  that  if  Kilkee 
really  was  strongly  attached,  and  had  also  reason  to  suppose  that  the 
26 


402  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

lady  liked  him,  it  was  not  exactly  fair ;  tliat  in  sliort  if  tlie  matter 
had  gone  beyond  flirtation,  any  interference  of  mine  would  be  im- 
prudent, if  not  impertinent.  Lord  Callonby  smiled  slightly  as  he 
replied, — 

"  Quite  right,  Lorrequer ;  I  am  just  as  much  against  constraint  as 
yourself,  if  only  no  great  barriers  exist ;  but  here,  with  a  difference 
of  religion,  country,  language,  habits,  in  fact,  everything  that  can 
create  disparity,  the  thing  is  not  to  be  thought  of." 

I  suspect  that  his  lordship  read  in  my  partial  defence  of  Kilkee  a 
slight  attempt  to  prop  up  my  own  case,  and  felt  confused  and  em- 
barrassed beyond  measure  at  the  detection. 

"  Well,  we  shall  have  time  enough  for  all  this.  Now  let  us  hear 
something  of  my  old  friend  Sir  Guy.     How  is  he  looking?" 

"  I  am  unfortunately  unable  to  give  you  any  account  of  him.  I 
left  Paris  the  very  day  before  he  was  expected  to  arrive  there." 

"  Oh,  then,  I  have  all  the  news  myself  in  that  case,  for  in  his 
letter  which  I  received  yesterday,  he  mentions  that  we  are  not  to 
expect  him  before  Tuesday." 

"  Expect  him  ?     Is  he  coming  here,  then  ?" 

"  Yes.  "Why  I  thought  you  were  aware  of  that ;  he  has  been  long 
promising  to  pay  us  a  visit,  and  at  last,  by  great  persuasion,  we 
have  succeeded  in  getting  him  across  the  sea,  and,  indeed,  were  it 
not  that  he  was  coming,  we  should  have  been  in  Florence  before 
this." 

A  gleam  of  hope  shot  through  my  heart  as  I  said  to  myself,  "  What 
can  this  visit  mean?"  and  the  moment  after  I  felt  sick,  almost 
fainting,  as  I  asked  if  ray  cousin  Guy  was  also  expected. 

"  Oh,  yes.  We  shall  want  him,  I  should  think,"  said  Lord  Cal- 
lonby, with  a  very  peculiar  smile. 

I  thought  I  should  have  fallen  at  these  few  words.  "Come, 
Harry,"  thought  I,  "  it  is  better  to  learn  your  fate  at  once.  Now  or 
never ;  death  itself  were  preferable  to  this  continued  suspense.  If 
the  blow  is  to  fall,  it  can  scarcely  sink  me  lower  than  I  now  feel." 
So  reasoning,  I  laid  my  hand  upon  Lord  Callonby's  arm,  and  with 
a  face  pale  as  death,  and  a  voice  all  but  inarticulate,  said, — 

"  My  lord,  you  will  pardon,  I  am  sure " 

"  My  dear  Lorrequer,"  said  his  lordship,  interrupting  me,  "  for 
Heaven's  sake  sit  down.  How  ill  you  are  looking ;  we  must  nurse 
you,  my  poor  fellow." 

I  sank  upon  a  bench — the  light  danced  before  my  eyes — the  clang 
of  the  music  sounded  like  the  roar  of  a  waterfall,  and  I  felt  a  cold 
perspiration  burst  over  my  face  and  forehead;  at  the  instant  I 
recognized  Kilkee's  voice,  and  without  well  knowing  why,  or  how, 
discovered  myself  in  the  open  air. 


A  DISCOVERY.  408 

"Come,  you  are  better  now,"  said  Kilkce,  "  and  will  be  quite  well 
when  you  get  some  supper,  and  a  little  of  the  tokay  his  Majesty  has 
been  good  enough  to  send  us." 

"  His  I'yiajesty  desires  to  know  if  his  Excellency  is  better,"  said 
an  aide-de-camp. 

I  muttered  my  most  grateful  acknowledgments. 

"One  of  the  court  carriages  is  in  waiting  for  your  Excellency," 
said  a  venerable  old  gentleman  in  a  tie  wig,  whom  I  recognized  as 
the  Minister  for  Foreign  Affairs,  as  he  added,  in  a  lower  tone,  to 
Lord  Callonby,  "  I  fear  he  has  been  greatly  overworked  lately.  His 
exertions  on  the  subject  of  the  Greek  Loan  are  well  known  to  his 
Majesty." 

"  Indeed  !"  said  Lord  Callonby,  with  a  start  of  surprise;  "  I  never 
heard  of  that  before." 

If  it  had  not  been  for  that  start  of  amazement,  I  should  have  died 
of  terror.  It  was  the  only  thing  that  showed  me  I  was  not  out  of 
my  senses,  which  I  now  concluded  the  old  gentleman  must  be,  for 
I  never  had  heard  of  the  Greek  Loan  in  ray  life  before. 

"  Farewell  I  mon  cher  collegue,"  said  the  venerable  minister,  as  I 
got  into  the  carriage,  wondering,  as  well  I  might,  wliat  singular 
band  of  brotherhood  united  one  of  his  Majesty's  4— th  with  the 
Minister  for  Foreign  Affairs  of  the  Court  of  Bavaria. 

When  I  arrived  at  the  "White  Cross,"  I  found  my  nerves, 
usually  proof  to  anything,  so  shaken  and  shattered,  that  fearing, 
with  the  difficult  game  before  me,  any  mistakes,  however  trivial, 
might  mar  all  my  fortunes  forever,  I  said  a  "  Good-night "  to  my 
friends,  and  went  to  bed. 


CHAPTER  LV. 

A  DISCOVERY. 

THE  following  morning,  the  waiter  called,  "  A  note  for  Mon- 
sieur," awaking  me  at  the  same  time  from  the  soundest  sleep 
and  the  most  delightful  dream.     The  billet  ran  thus: — 

"  If  '  your  Excellency '  does  not  intend  to  slumber  during  the 
next  twenty-four  hours,  it  might  be  as  well  to  remember  that  we 
are  waiting  breakfast.     Ever  yours, 

"  KiLKEE." 

"  It  is  true,  then,"  said  I,  following  up  the  delusion  of  my  dream 
— "it  is  true  I  am  really  domesticated  once  more  with  the  Cal- 


404  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

lonbys  ;  my  suit  is  prospering,  and  at  length  the  long-sought,  long 
hoped-for,  moment  is  come " 

"  Well,  Harry,"  said  Kilkee,  as  he  dashed  open  the  door — "  well, 
Harry,  how  are  you  ? — better  than  last  night,  I  hope  ?" 

"  Oh  yes,  considerably.  In  fact,  I  can't  think  what  could  have 
been  the  matter  with  me ;  but  I  felt  confoundedly  uncomfortable." 

"  You  did  I  Why,  man,  what  can  you  mean  ?  Was  it  not  a 
joke  ?" 

"  A  joke !"  said  I,  with  a  start. 

"  Yes,  to  be  sure.  I  thought  it  was  only  the  sequel  of  the  other 
humbug." 

" '  The  sequel  of  the  other  humbug  I'  Gracious  mercy !"  thought 
I,  getting  pale  with  horror,  "  is  it  thus  he  ventures  to  designate  my 
attachment  to  his  sister?" 

"  Come,  come,  it's  all  over  now.  What  the  devil  could  have  per- 
suaded you  to  push  the  thing  so  far  ?" 

"  Really,  I  am  so  completely  in  the  dark  as  to  your  meaning,  that 
I  only  get  deeper  in  the  mystery  by  my  chance  replies.  What  do 
you  mean  ?" 

"  What  do  I  mean  ?  Why,  the  affair  of  last  night,  of  course. 
All  Munich  is  full  of  it ;  and  most  fortunately  for  you,  the  King  has 
taken  it  all  in  the  most  good-humored  way,  and  laughs  more  than 
any  one  else  about  it." 

"Oh,  then,"  thought  I,  "I  must  have  done  or  said  something  last 
night,  during  my  illness,  that  I  can't  remember  now.  Come,  Kil- 
kee, out  with  it.  What  happened  last  night,  that  has  served  to 
amuse  the  good  people  of  Munich?  for  as  I  am  a  true  man,  I  forget 
all  you  are  alluding  to." 

"And  don't  remember  the  Greek  Loan,  eh?" 

"The  Greek  Loan?" 

"And  your  Excellency's  marked  reception  by  his  Majesty?  By 
Jove!  though,  it  was  the  rarest  piece  of  impudence  I  ever  heard  of: 
hoaxing  a  crowned  head,  quizzing  one  of  the  Lord's  anointed,  is  un 
pen  iropfort." 

"  If  you  really  do  not  wish  to  render  me  insane  at  once,  for  the  love 
of  mercy  say,  in  plain  terms,  what  all  this  means." 

"Come,  come,  I  see  your  are  incorrigible;  but  as  breakfast  is 
waiting  all  this  time,  we  shall  have  your  explanations  below 
■  stairs." 

Before  I  had  time  for  another  question,  Kilkee  passed  his  arm 
within  mine,  and  led  me  along  the  corridor,  pouring  out,  the  entire 
time,  a  whole  rhapsody  about  the  practical  joke  of  my  late  illness, 
which  he  was  pleased  to  say  would  ring  from  one  end  of  Europe  to 
the  other. 


A  DISCO  VEIiY.  405 

ljon\  Callonby  was  alone  in  the  breakfast-room  when  we  entered, 
and  the  Uiunicnt  he  perceived  me,  called  out, — 

"Eh,  Lorrequer,  you  here  still?  Why,  man,  I  thought  you'd 
have  been  over  the  frontier  early  this  morning." 

"Indeed!  my  lord.  I  am  not  exactly  aware  of  any  urgent  reason 
for  so  rapid  a  tlight." 

"You  are  not? — the  devil  you  are  not!  Why,  you  must  surely 
have  known  his  Majesty  to  be  the  best-tempered  man  in  his  domin- 
ions, then,  or  you  would  never  have  played  oil'  such  a  ruse;  though, 
I  must  say,  there  never  was  anything  better  done.  Old  llelderstecn, 
the  Minister  of  Foreign  Affairs,  is  nearly  deranged  this  morning 
about  it.  It  seems  that  he  was  the  first  that  fell  into  the  trap.  But, 
seriously  speaking,  I  think  it  would  be  better  if  you  got  away  from 
this.  The  King,  it  is  true,  has  behaved  with  the  best  possible  good 
feeling;  but " 

"My  lord,  I  have  a  favor  to  ask,  perhaps — indeed,  in  all  likeli- 
hood, the  last  I  shall  ever  ask  of  your  lordship — it  is  this:  what  are 
you  alluding  to  all  this  while?  and  for  what  especial  reason  do  you 
suggest  my  immediate  departure  from  Munich?" 

"Bless  my  heart  and  soul!  you  surely  cannot  mean  to  carry  the 
thing  on  any  further?  You  never  can  intend  to  assume  your  minis- 
terial functions  by  daylight?" 

"My  what! — my  ministerial  functions!" 

"  Oh  no,  that  were  too  much,  even  though  his  Majesty  did  say 
that  you  were  the  most  agreeable  diplomatist  he  had  met  for  a  long 
time." 

"I,  a  diplomatist!" 

"You! — certainly.  Surely,  you  cannot  be  acting  nowl  ^Vhy, 
gracious  mercy,  Lorrequer!  can  it  be  possible  that  you  were  not 
doing  it  by  design?  Do  you  really  not  know  in  what  character  you 
appeared  last  night?" 

"If  in  any  other  than  that  of  Harry  Lorrequer,  my  lord,  I  pledge 
my  honor  I  am  ignorant." 

"Nor  the  uniform  you  wore — don't  you  know  what  it  meant?" 

"The  tailor  sent  it  to  my  room." 

"Why,  by  Jove!  this  will  kill  me!"  said  Lord  Oallonby,  bursting 
into  a  fit  of  laughter,  in  which  Kilkee,  a  hitherto  silent  spectator 
of  our  colloquy,  joined  to  such  an  extent,  that  I  thought  he 
might  burst  a  blood-vessel.  "Why,  man,  you  went  as  Charg6 
d'Affaires." 

"T,  the  Charg6  d'Affiiires!" 

"That  you  did,  and  a  most  successful  dSfit  you  made  of  it." 

While  shame  and  confiision  covered  me  from  head  to  foot  at  the 
absurd  and  ludicrous  blunder  I  had  been  guilty  of,  the  sense  of  the 


406  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  TIER. 

ridiculous  was  so  strong  in  me,  that  I  fell  upon  a  sofa,  and  laughed 
on  with  the  others  for  full  ten  minutes. 

"  Your  Excellency  is,  I  am  rejoiced  to  find,  in  good  spirits,"  said 
Lady  Callouby,  entering  and  presenting  her  hand. 

"He  is  so  glad  to  have  arranged  the  Greek  Loan,"  said  Lady 
Catherine,  smiling,  with  a  half-malicious  twinkle  of  the  eye. 

Just  at  this  instant,  another  door  opened,  and  Lady  Jane  ap- 
peared. Luckily  for  me,  the  increased  mirth  of  the  party,  as  Lord 
Callonby  informed  them  of  my  blunder,  prevented  them  paying  any 
attention  to  me ;  for,  as  I  half-sprung  forward  toward  her,  my  agita- 
tion would  have  revealed  to  any  observer  the  whole  state  of  my 
feelings.  I  took  her  hand,  which  she  extended  to  me,  without 
speaking,  and  bowing  deeply  over  it,  raised  my  head  and  looked 
into  her  eyes,  as  if  to  read,  at  one  glance,  my  fate,  and  when  I  let 
fall  her  hand,  I  would  not  have  exchanged  my  fortune  for  a 
kingdom. 

"  You  have  heard,  Jane,  how  our  friend  opened  his  campaign  in 
Munich  last  night?" 

"  Oh,  I  hope,  Mr.  Lorrequer,  they  are  only  quizzing.  You  surely 
could  not " 

"  Could  not.  What  he  could  not — what  he  would  not  do,  is 
beyond  my  calculation  to  make  out,"  said  Kilkee,  laughing ;  "  any- 
thing in  life  from  breaking  an  axletree  to  hoaxing  a  king."  I 
turned,  as  may  be  imagined,  a  deaf  ear  to  this  allusion,  which 
really  frightened  me,  not  knowing  how  far  Kilkee's  information 
might  lead,  nor  how  he  might  feel  disposed  to  use  it.  Lady  Jane 
turned  a  half-reproachful  glance  at  me,  as  if  rebuking  my  folly ; 
but  the  interest  she  thus  took  in  me  I  would  not  have  bartered  for 
the  smile  of  the  proudest  queen  in  Christendom. 

Breakfast  over,  Lord  Callonby  undertook  to  explain  to  the  court 
the  blunder  by  which  I  had  unwittingly  been  betrayed  into  person- 
ating the  newly-arrived  minister,  and  as  the  mistake  was  more  of 
their  causing  than  my  own,  my  excuses  were  accepted,  and  when 
liis  lordship  returned  to  the  hotel,  he  brought  with  him  an  invita- 
tion for  me  to  dine  at  court  in  my  own  unaccredited  character.  By 
this  time  I  had  been  carrying  on  the  siege  as  briskly  as  circum- 
stances permitted ;  Lady  Callonby  being  deeply  interested  in  her 
newly-arrived  purchases,  and  Lady  Catherine  being  good-natured 
enough  to  pretend  to  be  so  also,  left  me,  at  intervals,  many  oppor- 
tunities of  s])oaking  to  Lady  Jane. 

As  I  feared  that  such  occasions  would  not  often  present  them- 
selves, I  determined  on  making  the  best  use  of  my  time,  and  at 
once  led  the  conversation  towards  the  goal  I  aimed  at,  by  asking, 
"if  Lady  Jane  had  completely  forgotten  the  wild  cliffs  and  rocky 


A  DFSCOVERY.  407 

const  of  Clare,  amid  the  tall  mountains  and  glacicred  peaks  of  the 
Tyrol?" 

"  Far  from  it,"  she  replied.  "  I  have  a  most  clear  remembrance 
of  bold  Moher  and  the  rolling  swell  of  the  blue  Atlantic,  and  long 
to  feel  its  spray  once  more  upon  my  cheek ;  but  then,  I  knew  it  in 
childliood — your  acquaintance  with  it  was  of  a  later  date,  and  con- 
nected with  fewer  happy  associations." 

"Fewer  happy  associations — how  can  you  say  so?  Was  it  not 
there  the  brightest  hours  of  my  whole  life  were  passed — was  it  not 
there  I  first  met " 

"  Kilkee  tells  me,"  said  Lady  Jane,  interrupting  me  shortly,  "  that 
Miss  Bingham  is  extremely  pretty." 

This  was  turning  my  flank  with  a  vengeance ;  so  I  muttered  some- 
thing about  difference  of  tastes,  &c.,  and  continued,  "  I  understand 
my  worthy  cousin  Guy  had  the  good  fortune  to  make  your  acquain- 
tance in  Paris." 

It  was  now  her  turn  to  blush,  which  she  did  deeply,  and  said 
nothing. 

"  He  is  expected,  I  believe,  in  a  few  days  at  Munich,"  said  I, 
fixing  my  eyes  upon  her,  and  endeavoring  to  read  her  thoughts ; 
she  blushed  more  deeply,  and  the  blood  at  my  own  heart  ran  cold, 
as  I  thought  over  all  I  had  heard,  and  I  muttered  to  myself,  "  She 
loves  him." 

"  Mr.  Lorrequer,  the  carriage  is  waiting,  and  as  we  are  going  to 
the  Gallery  this  morning,  and  have  much  to  see,  pray  let  us  have 
your  escort." 

"Oh,  I'm  sure,"  said  Catherine,  "his  assistance  will  be  consider- 
able— particularly  if  his  knowledge  of  art  only  equals  his  tact  in 
botany.     Don't  you  think  so,  Jane  ?"     But  Jane  was  gone. 

They  left  the  room  to  dress,  and  I  was  alone — alone  with  my 
anxious,  now  half-despairing  thoughts,  crowding  and  rushing  iipon 
my  beating  brain.  "She  loves  him,  and  I  have  only  come  to  wit- 
ness her  becoming  the  wife  of  another.  I  see  it  all,  too  plainly : 
my  uncle's  arrival — Lord  Callonby's  familiar  manner — Jane's  own 
confession — all — all  convince  me  that  my  fate  is  decided.  Now, 
then,  for  one  last  brief  explanation,  and  T  leave  Munich,  never  to 
see  her  more."  Just  a.s  I  had  so  spoken,  she  entered.  Her  gloves 
had  been  forgotten  in  the  room,  and  she  came  in,  not  knowing  that 
I  was  there.  What  would  I  not  have  given  at  that  moment  for  the 
ready-witted  assurance,  the  ea.sy  self-possession,  with  wliicli  I  should 
have  made  my  advances  had  my  heart  not  been  as  deeply  engaged 
as  I  now  felt  it.  Alas !  my  courage  was  gone  ;  there  was  too  nuich 
at  stake,  and  I  preferred,  now  that  the  time  was  come,  any  suspense, 
any  vacillation,  to  the  dreadful  certainty  of  refusal. 


408  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

These  were  my  first  thoughts,  as  she  entered ;  how  they  were  fol- 
lowed, I  cannot  say.  The  same  wild  confusion  of  my  brain  which 
I  once  felt  when  mounting  the  breach  in  a  storming-party,  now 
completely  beset  me;  and  as  then,  when  death  and  destruction 
raged  on  every  side,  I  held  on  my  way  regardless  of  every  obstacle, 
and  forgetting  all  save  the  goal  before  me,  so  did  I  now,  in  the  in- 
tensity of  my  excitement,  disregard  everything  save  the  story  of  my 
love,  which  I  poured  forth  with  that  fervor  which  truth  only  can 
give.  But  she  spoke  not ;  her  averted  head,  her  cold  and  tremulous 
hand,  and  half-drawn  sigh,  were  all  that  replied  to  me,  as  I  waited 
for  that  one  word  upon  which  hung  all  my  fortune.  At  length  her 
hand,  which  I  scarcely  held  within  my  own,  was  gently  withdrawn. 
She  lifted  it  to  her  eyes,  but  still  was  silent. 

"  Enough,"  said  I ;  "  I  seek  not  to  pain  you  more.  The  daring 
ambition  that  prompted  me  to  love  you  has  met  its  heaviest  retribu- 
tion. Farewell  I  You,  Lady  Jane,  have  nothing  to  reproach  your- 
.self  with — you  never  encouraged,  you  never  deceived  me.  I,  and  I 
alone,  have  been  to  blame,  and  mine  must  be  the  suflfering.  Adieu, 
then,  once  more,  and  forever." 

She  turned  slowly  round,  and  as  the  handkerchief  fell  from  her 
hand — her  features  were  pale  as  marble — I  saw  that  she  was  endea- 
voring to  speak,  but  could  not ;  and  at  length,  as  the  color  came 
slowly  back  to  her  cheek,  her  lips  moved,  and  just  as  I  leaned  for- 
ward, with  beating  heart,  her  sister  came  running  forward,  and  sud- 
denly checked  herself  in  her  career,  as  she  said,  laughingly, — 

"  Mille  pardons,  Jane,  but  his  Excellency  must  take  another  occa- 
sion to  explain  the  quadruple  alliance,  for  mamma  has  been  waiting 
in  the  carriage  these  ten  minutes." 

I  followed  them  to  the  door,  placed  them  in  the  carriage,  and  was 
turning  again  towards  the  house,  when  Lady  Callonby  said, — 

"  Oh,  Mr.  Lorrequer,  we  count  upon  you ;  you  must  not  desert 
us." 

I  muttered  something  about  not  feeling  well. 

"  And  then  perhaps  the  Greek  Loan  is  engaging  your  attention," 
said  Catherine ;  "  or  mayhap  some  reciprocity  treaty  is  not  prosper- 
ing?" 

The  malice  of  this  last  sally  told,  for  Jane  blushed  deeply,  and  I 
felt  overwhelmed  with  confusion. 

"  But  pray  come ;  the  drive  will  do  you  good." 

"Your  ladyship  will,  I  am  certain,  excuse " 

Just  as  I  had  got  so  far,  I  caught  Lady  Jane's  eye,  for  the  first 
time  since  we  had  left  the  drawing-room.  What  I  read  there,  I 
could  not,  for  the  life  of  me,  say  ;  but  instead  of  finishing  my  sen- 
tence, I  got  into  the  carriage,  and  drove  off,  very  much  to  the  sur- 


A  DTSCOVERY.  409 

prise  of  Lady  Callonb)',  wlio,  never  having  studied  magnetism,  knew 
very  little  the  cause  of  my  sudden  recovery. 

The  thrill  of  hope  that  shot  throuG;!i  my  heart  succeeding  so 
rapidly  the  dark  gloom  of  my  despairing  thoughts,  buoyed  me  up; 
and  while  I  whispered  to  myself,  "  All  may  not  yet  be  lost,"  I  sum- 
moned my  best  energies  to  my  aid.  Luckily  for  me,  I  was  better 
qualified  to  act  as  cicerone  in  a  gallery  than  as  a  guide  in  a  green- 
house; and  with  the  confidence  that  knowledge  of  a  subject  ever 
inspires,  I  rattled  away  about  art  and  artists,  greatly  to  the  edifica- 
tion of  Lady  Callonby,  much  to  the  surprise  of  Lady  Catherine,  and, 
better  than  all,  evidently  to  the  satisfaction  of  her  to  win  whose 
praise  I  would  gladly  have  risked  my  life. 

"  There,"  said  I,  as  I  placed  my  fair  friend  before  a  delicious  little 
Madonna  of  Carlo  Dolce — "  there  is  perhaps  the  triumj>h  of  color- 
ing ;  from  the  downy  softness  of  that  cheek,  the  luscious  depth  of 
that  blue  eye,  the  waving  richness  of  those  sunny  locks,  all  is  per- 
fect ;  fortunately  so  beautiful  a  head  ia  not  a  monopoly,  for  the 
artist  painted  many  copies  of  this  picture." 

"  Quite  true,"  said  a  voice  behind,  "  and  mine  at  Elton  is,  I  think, 
if  anything,  better  than  this." 

I  turned,  and  beheld  my  good  old  uncle.  Sir  Guy,  who  w^as  stand- 
ing beside  Lady  Callonby,  While  I  welcomed  my  worthy  relative, 
I  could  not  help  casting  a  glance  around  to  see  if  Guy  were  also 
there,  and  not  perceiving  him,  my  heart  beat  freely  again. 

My  uncle,  it  appeared,  had  just  arrived,  and  lost  no  time  in  join- 
ing us  at  the  gallery.  His  manner  to  me  was  cordial  to  a  degree ; 
and  I  perceived  that  immediately  upon  being  introduced  to  Lady 
Jane,  he  took  considerable  pains  to  observe  her,  and  paid  her  the 
most  marked  attention. 

The  first  moment  I  could  steal  unnoticed,  I  took  the  opportunity 
of  asking  if  Guy  were  come.  That  one  fact  was  to  me  all,  and  upon 
the  answer  to  my  question  I  hung  with  deep  anxiety. 

"  Guy  here  ! — no,  not  yet.  The  fact  is,  Harry,  my  boy,  Guy  has 
not  got  on  here  as  well  as  I  could  have  wished.  Everything  had 
been  arranged  among  us ;  Callonby  behaved  most  handsomely ; 
and,  as  far  as  regarded  myself,  I  threw  no  impediment  in  the  way. 
But  still,  T  don't  know  how  it  was,  but  Guy  did  not  advance,  and 
the  matter  now " 

"Pray,  how  does  it  stand?  Have  you  any  hopes  to  put  all  to 
rights  again?" 

"Yes,  Harry,  I  tliink,  with  your  assistance,  much  may  be  done." 

"Oh,  count  upon  me,  by  all  means,"  said  I  with  a  sneering  bitter- 
ness that  my  uncle  could  not  have  escaped  remarking,  had  his  atten- 
tion not  been  drawn  ofi*  by  Lady  Callonby. 


410  HARR  Y  L  ORREQ  UER. 

"  What  have  I  done,  what  sin  did  I  meditate  before  I  was  born, 
that  I  should  come  into  the  world  branded  with  failure  in  all  I 
attempt?  Is  it  not  enough  that  my  cousin,  my  elder  by  some 
months,  should  be  rich  while  I  am  poor ;  honored  and  titled,  while 
I  am  unknown  and  unnoticed ;  but  is  he  also  to  be  preferred  to  me 
in  every  station  in  life  ?  Is  there  no  feeling  of  the  heart  so  sacred 
that  it  must  not  succumb  to  primogeniture?" 

•  "  What  a  dear  old  man  Sir  Guy  is  !"  said  Catherine,  interrupting 
my  sad  reflections,  "  and  how  gallant  I  he  is  actually  flirting  with 
Lady  Jane." 

And  quite  true  it  was.  The  old  gentleman  was  paying  his  devoirs 
with  a  studied  anxiety  to  please,  that  went  to  my  very  heart  as  I 
witnessed  it.  The  remainder  of  that  day  to  me  was  a  painful  and 
suffering  one.  My  intention  of  suddenly  leaving  Munich  had  been 
abandoned ;  why,  I  knew  not.  I  felt  that  I  was  hoping  against 
hope,  and  that  my  stay  was  only  to  confirm,  by  the  most  "  damning 
proof,"  how  surely  I  was  fated  to  disappointment.  My  reasonings 
all  ended  in  one  point.  "  If  she  really  love  Guy,  then  my  present 
attentions  can  only  be  a  source  of  unhappiness  to  her;  if  she  do 
not,  is  there  any  prospect  that,  from  the  bare  fact  of  my  attachment, 
so  proud  a  family  as  the  Callonbys  will  suffer  their  daughter  to 
make  a  mere  love-match  ?" 

There  was  but  one  answer  to  this  question,  and  I  had  at  last  the 
courage  to  make  it :  and  yet  the  Callonbys  had  marked  me  out  for 
their  attentions,  and  had  gone  unusually  out  of  their  way  to  inflict 
injury  upon  me,  if  all  were  meant  to  end  in  nothing.  "If  I  only 
could  bring  myself  to  think  that  this  Avas  a  systematic  game  adopted 
by  them,  to  lead  to  the  subsequent  arrangement  with  my  cousin  1 

— if  I    could   but  satisfy  my   doubts    on   this  head "      What 

threats  of  vengeance  I  muttered,  I  cannot  remember,  for  I  was 
summoned  at  that  critical  moment  to  attend  the  party  to  the 
palace. 

The  state  of  excitement  I  was  in  was  an  ill  preparative  for  the 
rigid  etiquette  of  a  court  dinner.  All  passed  oflf,  however,  happily ; 
and  the  King,  by  a  most  good-natured  allusion  to  the  blunder  of  the 
night  before,  set  me  perfectly  at  ease  on  that  head. 

I  was  placed  next  to  Lady  Jane  at  dinner ;  and  half  from 
wounded  pride,  half  from  the  momentarily  increasing  conviction 
that  all  was  lost,  chatted  away  gayly,  without  any  evidence  of  a 
stronger  feeling  than  the  mere  vicinity  of  a  pretty  person  is  sure  to 
inspire.  What  success  this  game  was  attended  with,  I  know  not; 
but  the  suffering  it  cost  me,  I  shall  never  cease  to  remember.  One 
satisfaction  I  certainly  did  experience — she  was  manifestly  piqued, 
and  several  times  turned  towards  the  person  on  the  other  side  of 


A  DISCOVERY.  411 

her,  to  avoid  the  tone  of  indifference  in  which  I  discussed  matters 
that  were  actually  wringing  my  own  heart  at  the  moment.  Yet 
such  was  the  bitterness  of  my  si)irit,  that  I  set  down  this  conduct  on 
her  part  as  coquetry,  and  quite  convinced  myself  tliut  any  slight 
encouragement  she  might  ever  have  given  my  attentions  was  only 
meant  to  indulge  a  spirit  of  vanity,  by  adding  another  to  the  list  of 
her  conquests. 

As  the  feeling  grew  upon  me,  I  suppose  my  manner  to  her  became 
more  palpably  cutting,  for  it  ended  at  last  in  our  discontinuing  to 
speak;  and  when  we  retired  from  the  palace,  I  accompanied  her  to 
the  carriage  in  silence,  and  wislied  her  a  cold  and  distant  good- 
night, without  any  advance  to  touch  her  hand  at  parting — and  yet 
tiiat  parting  I  had  destined  for  our  last. 

The  greater  part  of  the  night  I  spent  in  writing  letters.  One  was 
to  Jane  herself,  owning  my  affections,  confessing  that  even  the 
rudeness  of  my  late  conduct  was  the  fruit  of  it,  and  finiilly  assuring 
her  that  failing  to  win  from  her  any  return  of  my  passion,  I  hud 
resolved  never  to  meet  her  more.  I  also  wrote  a  sliort  note  to  my 
uncle,  thanking  him  for  all  he  had  formerly  done  in  my  behalf,  but 
coldl}'  declining  for  the  future  any  assistance  upon  his  part,  resol- 
ving that  upon  my  own  efforts  alone  should  I  now  rest  my  fortunes. 
To  Lord  Callonby  I  wrote  at  greater  length,  reca])itulating  the  his- 
tory of  our  early  intimacy,  and  accusing  him  of  encouraging  me  in 
expectations  which,  as  he  never  intended  to  confirm  them,  were 
fated  to  prove  my  ruin.  More — much  more — I  said,  which  to  avow, 
I  should  gladly  shrink  from,  were  it  not  that  I  have  pledged  myself 
to  honesty  in  these  "  Confessions,"  and  as  they  depict  the  bitterness 
and  misery  of  my  spirit,  I  must  plead  guilty  to  them  here.  In  a 
word,  I  felt  myself  injured.  I  saw  no  outlet  for  redress,  and  the 
only  consolation  open  to  my  wounded  pride  and  crushed  affection, 
was  to  show  that  if  I  felt  myself  a  victim,  at  least  I  was  not  a  dupe. 
I  set  about  packing  up  for  the  journey — whither,  I  knew  not.  My 
leave  was  nearly  expired,  yet  I  could  not  bear  the  thought  of  rejoin- 
ing the  regiment.  My  only  desire  was  to  leave  Munich,  and  that 
speedily.  When  all  my  arrangements  were  completed,  I  went  down 
noiselessly  to  the  inn  yard  to  order  post-horses  by  daybreak  ;  there 
to  my  surprise  I  found  all  activity  and  bustle.  Though  so  late  at 
night,  a  courier  had  arrived  from  England  for  Lord  Callonby,  with 
some  important  despatches  from  the  Government.  This  would,  at 
any  other  time,  have  interested  me  deeply ;  now  I  heard  the  news 
without  a  particle  of  feeling,  and  I  made  all  the  necessary  disposi- 
tions for  my  journey,  witliout  paying  the  slightest  attention  to  what 
was  going  on  about  me.  I  had  just  finished,  when  Lord  Callonby's 
valet  came  to  say  that  his  lordship  wished  to  see  me  immediately  in 


412  HARRY  L OREEQ UER. 

his  dressing-room.  Though  I  would  gladly  have  declined  any  fur- 
ther interview,  I  saw  no  means  of  escape,  and  followed  the  servant 
to  his  lordship's  room. 

There  I  found  Lord  Callonby  in  his  dressing-gown  and  nightcap, 
surrounded  by  papers,  letters,  despatch  boxes,  and  red  tape-tied  par- 
cels, that  all  bespoke  business. 

"  Lorrequer,  sit  down,  my  boy ;  I  have  much  to  say  to  you,  and 
as  we  have  no  time  to  lose,  you  must  forego  a  little  sleep.  Is  the 
door  closed?  I  have  just  received  most  important  news  from  Eng- 
land ;  and  to  begin."  Here  his  lordship  opened  a  letter  and  read  aa 
follows : — 

"  My  Dear  Lord: — They  are  out  at  last — the  majority  on  Friday 
increased  to  forty  yesterday  evening,  when  they  resigned ;  the  Duke 
has  meanwhile  assumed  the  reins  till  further  arrangements  can  be 
perfected,  and  despatches  are  now  preparing  to  bring  all  our  friends 

about  us.     The  only  rumors  as  yet  are,  L ,  for  the   Colonies, 

H ,  to  the  Foreign  Office,  W ,  President  of  the  Council,  and 

we  anxiously  hope  yourself  Viceroy  in  Ireland.  In  any  case  lose  no 
time  in  coming  back  to  England.  The  struggle  will  be  a  sharp  one, 
as  the  outs  are  distracted,  and  we  shall  want  you  much.  Ever 
yours,  my  dear  lord, 

"Henry ." 

"This  is  much  sooner  than  I  looked  for,  Lorrequer,  perhaps 
almost  than  I  wished ;  but  as  it  has  taken  place,  we  must  not  decline 
the  battle ;  now  what  I  wanted  with  you  is  this — if  I  go  to  Ireland, 
I  should  like  your  acceptance  of  the  Private  Secretary's  Office. 
Come,  come,  no  objections ;  you  know  that  you  need  not  leave  the 
army  ;  you  can  become  unattached ;  I'll  arrange  all  that ;  d  propos, 
this  concerns  you ;  it  is  from  the  Horse  Guards ;  you  need  not  read 
it  now  though ;  it  is  merely  your  gazette  to  the  company ;  your  pro- 
motion, however,  shall  not  stop  there.  However,  the  important 
thing  I  want  with  you  is  this :  I  wish  you  to  start  for  England  to- 
morrow ;  circumstances  prevent  my  going  from  this  for  a  few  days. 

You  can  see  L and  W ,  &c.,  and  explain  all  I  have  to  say; 

I  shall  write  a  few  letters,  and  some  hints  for  your  own  guidance ; 
and  as  Kilkee  never  would  have  head  for  these  matters,  I  look  to 
your  friendship  to  do  it  for  me." 

Looking  only  to  the  past,  as  the  proposal  suited  my  already-made 
resolve  to  quit  Munich,  I  acceded  at  once,  and  assured  Lord  Callonby 
that  I  should  be  ready  in  an  hour. 

"Quite  right,  Lorrequer,  but  still  I  shall  not  need  this ;  you  can- 
not leave  before  eleven  or  twelve  o'clock ;  in  fact,  I  have  another 


CONCLUSIUX.  413 

service  to  exact  at  your  hands  belbrc  wo  part  with  you  ;  moanwhilc, 
try  and  get  some  ssU'l'})  ;  you  are  not  likely  to  know  aiiy'ihing  of  a 
bed  before  you  reach  the  Clarendon."  So  saying,  he  hurried  from 
the  room,  and  as  he  closed  the  door,  I  heard  him  muttering  hi3 
satisfaction  that  already,  so  far,  all  had  been  well  arranged. 


CHAPTER  LVI. 

CONCLUSION. 

SLEEP  came  on  me  without  my  feeling  it,  and  amid  all  the  dis- 
tracting cares  and  pressing  thoughts  that  embarrassed  me,  I 
only  awoke  when  the  roll  of  the  caleche  sounded  beneath  my 
window,  and  warned  me  that  I  must  be  stirring  and  ready  for  the 
road. 

"  Since  it  is  to  be  thus,"  thought  I,  "  it  is  much  better  that  this 
opportunity  should  occur  of  my  getting  away  at  once,  and  thus 
obviate  the  unpleasantness  of  any  future  meeting  with  Lady  Jane, 
and  the  thousand  conjectures  that  my  departure,  so  sudden  and  un- 
announced, might  give  rise  to.  So  be  it,  and  I  have  now  only  one 
hope  more— that  the  terms  we  last  parted  on  may  prevent  her 
appearing  at  the  breakfast-table."  With  these  words  I  entered  the 
room,  where  the  Calloubys  were  assembled. 

"This  is  too  provoking,  really,  Mr.  Lorrequer,"  said  Lady  Cal- 
lonby,  with  her  sweetest  smile,  and  most  civil  manner;  "quite  too 
bad  to  lose  you  now  that  you  have  just  joined  us." 

"  Come,  no  tampering  with  our  party,"  said  Lord  Callonby ;  "  my 
friend  here  must  not  be  seduced  by  honeyed  words  and  soft  speeches 
from  the  high  road  that  leads  to  honors  and  distinctions.  Now 
for  your  instructions."  Here  his  lordshij)  entered  into  a  very  deep 
discussion  as  to  the  conditions  upon  which  his  support  might  be 
expected  and  relied  upon,  which  Kilkee  from  time  to  time  inter- 
rupted by  certain  quizzing  allusions  to  the  low  price  he  put  upon 
his  services,  and  suggested  that  a  mission  for  myself  should  certainly 
enter  into  the  compact. 

At  length  breakfast  was  over,  and  Lord  Callonby  said,  "  Now 
make  your  adioux,  and  let  me  see  you  for  a  moment  in  Sir  Guy's 
room  ;  we  have  a  little  discussion  there,  in  which  your  assistance  is 
wanting."  I  accordingly  took  my  farewell  of  Lady  Callonby,  and 
approached  to  do  so  to  Lady  Jane ;  but  much  to  my  surjirise,  she 
made  mo  a  very  distant  salute,  and  said  in  her  coldest  tone,  "  I  hope 
you  may  have  a  pleasant  journey."     Before  I  had  recovered  my 


414  HARRY  LOIiREQUER. 

surprise  at  this  movement,  Kilkee  came  forward  and  offered  to 
accompany  me  a  few  miles  of  the  road.  I  accepted  readily  the 
kind  offer,  and  once  more  bowing  to  the  ladies,  withdrew.  "  And 
thus  it  is,"  thought  I,  "  that  I  leave  all  my  long  dreamed-of  happi- 
ness, and  such  is  the  end  of  many  a  long  day's  ardent  expectation." 
When  I  entered  luy  uncle's  room,  my  temper  was  certainly  not  in 
the  mood  most  fit  for  further  trials,  though  it  was  doomed  to  meet 
them. 

"  Harry,  my  boy,  we  are  in  a  great  want  of  you  here,  and,  as  time 
presses,  we  must  state  our  case  very  briefly.  You  are  aware.  Sir 
Guy  tells  me,  that  you  cousin  Guy  has  been  received  among  us  as 
the  suitor  of  my  eldest  daughter.  It  has  been  an  old  compact 
between  us  to  unite  our  families  by  ties  still  stronger  than  our  very 
ancient  friendship,  and  this  match  has  been  accordingly  looked  to 
by  us  both  with  much  anxiety.  Now,  although  on  our  jjarts  I 
think  no  obstacle  intervenes,  yet  I  am  sorry  to  say  there  appear 
difiiculties  in  other  quarters.  In  fact,  certain  stories  have  reached 
Lady  Jane's  ears  concerning  your  cousin,  which  have  greatly  pre- 
judiced her  against  him,  and  we  have  reason  to  think  most  unfairly ; 
for  we  have  succeeded  in  tracing  some  of  the  offences  in  question, 
not  to  Guy,  but  to  a  Mr.  Morewood,  who  it  seems  has  personated  your 
cousin  upon  more  than  one  occasion,  and  not  a  little  to  his  disadvan- 
tage. Now  we  wish  you  to  sift  these  matters  to  the  bottom,  by  your 
going  to  Paris  as  soon  as  you  can  venture  to  leave  London — find 
out  this  man,  and,  if  possible,  make  all  straight ;  if  money  is  want- 
ing, he  must  of  course  have  it ;  but  bear  one  thing  in  mind,  that 
any  possible  step  which  may  remove  this  unhappy  impression  from 
my  daughter's  mind  will  be  of  infinite  service,  and  never  forgotten 
by  us.  Kilkee,  too,  has  taken  some  dislike  to  Guy.  You  have 
only,  however,  to  talk  to  him  on  the  matter,  and  he  is  sure  to  pay 
attention  to  you." 

"And,  Harry,"  said  my  uncle,  "tell  Guy  I  am  much  displeased 
that  he  is  not  here ;  I  expected  him  to  leave  Paris  with  me,  but 
some  absurd  wager  at  the  Jockey  Club  detained  him." 

"  Another  thing,  Harry,  you  may  as  well  mention  to  your  cousin 
that  Sir  Guy  lias  complied  with  every  suggestion  that  he  formerly 
threw  out — he  will  understand  the  allusion." 

"  Oh,  yes,"  said  my  uncle ;  "  tell  him  roundly,  he  shall  have 
Elton  Hall ;  I  have  fitted  up  Marsden  for  myself;  so  no  difficulty 
lies  in  that  quai'ter." 

"  You  may  add,  if  you  like,  that  my  present  position  with  tho 
Government  enables  me  to  offer  him  a  speedy  prospect  of  a  regiment, 
and  that  T  think  he  had  better  not  leave  the  army." 

"And  say  that  by  next  post  Hamercloth's  bond  for  the  six  thou- 


COXCL  USrON.  415 

Band  shall  be  paid  off,  aud  let  him  send  me  a  note  of  any  other  large 
sum  he  owes." 

"  And  above  all  things,  no  more  delays.  I  must  leave  this  for 
England  inevitably,  aud  as  the  ladies  will  probably  prefer  wintering 
in  Hal) " 

"  Oh,  certaiuly,"  said  my  uncle,  "  the  wedding  must  take  place  at 
once." 

"  I  scarcely  can  ask  you  to  come  to  us  on  the  occasion,  though  I 
need  not  say  how  greatly  we  should  all  feel  gratified  if  you  could  do 
BO,"  said  my  lord. 

While  this  cross  fire  went  on  from  both  sides,  I  looked  from  one 
to  the  other  of  the  speakers.  My  first  impression  being,  that  having 
perceived  and  disliked  my  attention  to  Lady  Jane,  they  adopted 
this  mauvaise  plaisanterie  as  a  kind  of  smart  lesson  for  my  future 
guidance.  My  next  impression  was  that  they  were  really  in  earnest, 
but  about  the  most  stupid  pair  of  old  gentlemen  that  ever  wore 
hair  powder. 

"And  this  is  all?"  said  I,  drawing  a  long  breath,  and  inwardly 
uttering  a  short  prayer  for  patience. 

"  Why,  I  believe  I  have  mentioned  everything,"  said  Lord 
Callonby,  "  except  that  if  anything  occurs  to  yourself  that  offers  a 
prospect  of  forwarding  this  affair,  we  leave  you  a  carte  blanche  to 
adopt  it." 

"  Of  course,  then,"  said  I,  "  I  am  to  understand  that  as  no  other 
difficulties  lie  in  the  way  than  those  your  lordship  has  mentioned, 
the  feelings  of  the  parties— their  affections  are  mutual?" 

"Oh,  of  course  ;  your  cousin,  I  suppose,  has  made  himself  agree- 
able; he  is  a  good-looking  fellow,  and,  in  fact,  I  am  not  aware  why 
they  should  not  like  each  other,  eh.  Sir  Ouy  ?" 

"To  be  sure;  and  the  Elton  estates  run  half  the  shire  with 
your  Gloucestershire  property ;  never  was  there  a  more  suitable 
match." 

"  Then  only  one  point  remains,  and  that  being  complied  with, 
you  may  reckon  upon  my  services ;  nay,  more,  I  promise  you  success. 
Lady  Jane's  own  consent  must  be  previously  assured  to  me ;  with- 
out this,  I  most  positively  decline  moving  a  step  in  the  matter;  that 
once  obtained,  freely  aud  without  constraint,  I  pledge  myself  to  do 
all  you  require." 

"Quite  fair,  Harry;  I  perfectly  approve  of  your  scruples.'*  So 
saying,  his  lordship  rose  and  left  the  room. 

"Well,  Harry,  and  yourself,  what  is  to  be  done  for  you? — has 
Callonby  offered  you  anything  yet  ?" 

"  Yes,  sir,  his  lordship  has  most  kindly  offered  me  the  under  sec- 
retaryship in  Ireland,  but  I  have  resolved  ou  declining  it,  though  I 


416  HARRY  LORREQUER. 

shall  not  at  present  say  so,  lest  he  should  feel  any  delicacy  in  em- 
ploying me  upon  the  present  occasion." 

"  Why,  is  the  boy  deranged  ? — decline  it  I — what  have  you  got  in 
the  world  that  you  should  refuse  such  an  appointment?" 

The  color  mounted  to  my  cheeks,  my  temples  burned,  and  what  I 
should  have  replied  to  this  taunt,  I  know  not,  for  passion  had  com- 
pletely mastered  me.  When  Lord  Callonby  again  entered  the 
room,  his  usually  calm  and  pale  face  was  agitated  and  flushed,  and 
his  manner  tremulous  and  hurried  ;  for  an  instant  he  was  silent ; 
then  turning  towards  my  uncle,  he  took  his  hand  afi'ectionately, 
and  said, — 

"  My  good  old  friend,  I  am  deeply,  deeply  grieved ;  but  we  must 
abandon  this  scheme.  I  have  just  seen  my  daughter,  and  from  the 
few  words  which  we  have  had  together,  I  find  that  her  dislike  to 
the  match  is  invincible,  and,  in  fact,  she  has  obtained  my  promise 
never  again  to  allude  to  it.  If  I  were  willing  to  constrain  the  feel- 
ings of  my  child,  you  yourself  would  not  permit  it.  So  here  let  us 
forget  that  we  ever  hoped  for,  ever  calculated  on  a  plan  in  which 
both  our  hearts  were  so  deeply  interested." 

These  words,  few  as  they  were,  were  spoken  with  deep  feeling,  and 
for  the  first  time  I  looked  upon  the  speaker  with  sincere  regard. 
They  were  both  silent  for  some  minutes  ;  Sir  Guy,  who  was  himself 
much  agitated,  spoke  first. 

"  So  be  it  then,  Callonby,  and  thus  do  I  relinquish  one — perhaps 
the  only  cheering  prospect  my  advanced  age  held  out  to  me.  I  have 
long  wished  to  have  your  daughter  for  my  niece,  and  since  I  have 
known  her,  the  wish  has  increased  tenfold." 

"  It  was  the  chosen  dream  of  all  my  anticipations,"  said  Lord 
Callonby,  "and  now  Jane's  affections  only but  let  it  pass." 

"And  is  there  then  really  no  remedy? — can  nothing  be  thought 
of?" 

"Nothing." 

"  I  am  not  quite  so  sure  my  lord,"  said  I,  tremulously. 

"No,  no,  Lorrequer;  you  are  a  ready-witted  fellow,  I  know,  but 
this  passes  even  your  ingenuity;  besides,  I  have  given  her  my  word." 

"Even  so." 

"  Why,  what  do  you  mean?  speak  out,  man,"  said  Sir  Guy.  "  I'll 
give  you  ten  tliousand  pounds  on  the  spot  if  you  suggest  a  means 
of  overcoming  this  difficulty." 

"Perhaps  you  might  not  accede  afterwards." 

"I  pledge  myself  to  it." 

"And  I  too,"  said  Lord  Callonby,  "if  no  unfair  strat.igem  be  re- 
sorted to  towards  my  daughter.  If  she  only  give  her  free  and  wil- 
ling consent,  I  agree." 


CONCL  US  ION.  417 

"Then  you  must  bid  higher,  uncle;  ten  thousand  won't  do,  for 
the  bargain  is  well  worth  the  money." 

"  Name  your  price,  boy,  and  keep  your  word." 

"Agreed,  then.  Holding  my  uncle  to  his  promise,  I  pledge  my- 
self that  his  nephew  shall  be  the  husband  of  Lady  Jane  Callonby. 
And  now,  my  lord,  write  Harry  vice  Guy  in  the  contract,  and  I  am 
certain  my  uncle  is  too  faithful  to  his  plighted  word,  and  too  true 
to  his  promise,  not  to  say  it  shall  be." 

The  suddenness  of  this  rash  declaration  absolutely  stunned  them 
both,  and  then  recovering  at  the  same  moment,  their  eyes  met. 

"Fairly  caught,  Guy,"  said  Lord  Callonby;  "a  bold  stroke,  if  it 
only  succeed." 

"And  it  shall,  by  G — ,"  said  my  uncle;  "Elton  is  yours,  Harry, 
and  with  seven  thousand  a  year,  and  jny  nephew  to  boot,  Callonby 
won't  refuse  you." 

There  are  moments  in  life  in  which  conviction  will  follow  a  bold 
coup  de  main  that  never  would  have  ensued  from  the  slow  process  of 
reasoning.  Luckily  for  me,  this  was  one  of  those  happy  intervals. 
Lord  Callonby,  catching  my  uncle's  enthusiasm,  seized  me  by  the 
hand  and  said, — 

"With  her  consent,  Lorrequer,  you  may  count  upon  mine;  and 
faith,  if  truth  must  be  told,  I  always  preferred  you  to  the  other." 

What  my  uncle  added,  I  waited  not  to  listen  to,  but  with  one 
bound  sprung  from  the  room — dashed  up  stairs  to  Lady  Callonby's 
drawing-room — looked  rapidly  around  to  see  if  she  were  there,  and 
then,  without  paying  the  slightest  attention  to  the  questions  of 
Lady  Callonby  and  her  youngest  daughter,  was  turning  to  leave  the 
room,  when  my  eye  caught  the  flutter  of  a  cashmere  shawl  in  the 
garden  beneath.  In  an  instant  the  window  was  torn  open — I  stood 
upon  the  sill,  and,  though  the  fall  was  some  twenty  feet,  with  one 
spring  I  took  it,  and  before  the  ladies  had  recovered  from  their  first 
surprise  at  my  unaccountable  conduct,  put  the  finishing  stroke  to 
their  amazement,  by  throwing  my  arms  around  Lady  Jane,  and 
clasping  her  to  my  heart. 

I  cannot  remember  by  what  process  I  explained  the  change  that 
had  taken  place  in  my  fortunes.  I  had  some  very  vague  recollec- 
tion of  vows  of  eternal  love  being  mingled  with  praise  of  my  worthy 
uncle,  and  the  state  of  my  affections  and  finances  were  jumbled  up 
together,  but  still  sufficiently  intelligible  to  satisfy  my  beloved  Jane 
that  this  time,  at  least,  I  made  love  with  something  more  than  my 
own  consent  to  support  me.  Before  we  hud  walked  half  round  tho 
garden  she  promised  to  be  mine ;  and  Harry  Lorrequer,  who  rose 
that  morning  with  nothing  but  despair  and  darkness  before  liim, 
was  now  the  happiest  of  men. 
27 


41 8  HARRY  L ORREQ UER. 

Dear  reader,  I  have  but  little  more  to  confess.  Lord  Callonby's 
politics  were  fortunately  deemed  of  more  moment  than  maidenly- 
scruples,  and  the  treasury  benches  more  respected  than  the  trous- 
seau. Our  wedding  was  therefore  settled  for  the  following  week. 
Meanwhile  every  day  seemed  to  teem  with  its  own  meed  of  good 
fortune.  My  good  uncle,  under  whose  patronage,  forty-odd  years 
before,  Colonel  Kamworth  had  obtained  his  commission,  undertook 
to  effect  the  reconciliation  between  him  and  the  Wallers,  who  now 
only  waited  for  our  wedding  before  they  set  out  for  Hydrabad  cot- 
tage, that  snug  receptacle  for  curry  and  Madeira,  Jack  confessing 
that  he  had  rather  listen  to  the  siege  of  Java  by  that  fireside,  than 
hear  an  account  of  Waterloo  from  the  lips  of  the  great  Duke 
himself 

I  wrote  to  Trevanion  to  invite  him  over  to  Munich  for  the  cere- 
mony, and  the  same  post  which  informed  me  that  he  was  en  route  to 
join  us,  brought  also  a  letter  from  my  eccentric  friend  O'Leary, 
whose  name  having  so  often  occurred  in  these  Confessions,  I  am 
tempted  to  read  aloud ;  the  more  so  as  its  contents  are  no  secret, 
Kilkee  having  insisted  upon  reading  it  to  a  committee  of  the  whole 
family  assembled  after  dinner.  ^ 

*'  Dear  Lorrequer  : — The  trial  is  over,  and  I  am  acquitted,  but 
still  in  Sainte  Pelagic ;  for  as  the  government  were  determined  to 
cut  my  head  off,  if  guilty,  so  the  mob  resolved  to  murder  me,  if 
innocent.  A  pleasant  situation  this.  Before  the  trial,  I  was  the 
most  popular  man  in  Paris ;  my  face  was  in  every  print-shop ;  plaster 
busts  of  me,  with  a  great  organ  behind  the  ear,  in  all  the  thorough- 
fares ;  my  autograph  selling  at  six-and-twenty  sous,  and  a  lock 
of  my  hair  at  five  francs.  Now  that  it  is  proved  I  did  not  murder 
the  'minister  at  war'  (who  is  in  excellent  health  and  spirits),  the 
popular  feeling  against  me  is  very  violent,  and  I  am  looked  upon  as 
an  impostor,  who  had  obtained  his  notoriety  under  false  pretences ; 
and  Vernct,  who  had  begun  my  picture  for  a  Judas,  has  left  off  in 
disgust.  Your  friend  Trevanion  is  a  trump ;  he  procured  a  Tippe- 
rary  gentleman  to  run  away  with  Mrs.  Eam,  and  they  were  married 
at  Frankfort  on  Tuesday  last.  By  the  bye,  what  an  escape  you  had 
of  Emily:  she  was  only  quizzing  you  all  the  time.  She  is  engaged 
to  be  married  to  Tom  O'Flaherty,  who  is  here  now.  Emily's  imita- 
tion of  you,  with  the  hat  a  little  on  one  side,  and  a  handkerchief 
flourishing  away  in  one  hand,  is  capital ;  but  when  she  kneels  down 
and  says,  '  Dearest  Emily,'  &c.,  you'd  swear  it  was  yourself — [Here 
the  laughter  of  the  auditory  prevented  Kilkee  proceeding,  who,  to 
my  utter  confusion,  resumed  after  a  little.] — Don't  be  losing  your 
time  making  up  to  Lord  Callonby'a  daughter — [hero  came  another 


CONCL  USION. 


419 


burst  of  laughter] — they  say  here  you  have  not  a  chance,  and, 
moreover,  she's  a  downright  flirt. — ['  It  is  your  turn  now,  Jane,' 
said  Kilkee,  scarcely  able  to  proceed.] — Besides  that,  her  father's  a 
pompous  old  Tory,  that  won't  give  a  sixi)ence  with  her ;  and  the  old 
curmudgeon,  your  uncle,  has  as  much  idea  of  providing  for  you  as 
he  has  of  dying. — [This  last  sally  absolutely  convulsed  all  parties.] 
— To  be  sure,  Kilkee's  a  fool,  but  he  is  no  use  to  you. — ['  Begad,  I 
thought  I  was  going  to  escape,'  said  the  individual  alluded  to,  *  but 
your  friend  O'Leary  cuts  on  every  side  of  him.']"  The  letter,  after 
some  very  grave  reflections  upon  the  hopelessness  of  my  pursuit, 
concluded  with  a  kind  pledge  to  meet  me  soon,  and  become  my 
travelling  companion.  "  Meanwhile,"  added  he,  "  I  must  cross  over 
to  London,  and  look  after  my  new  work,  which  is  to  come  out  soon, 
under  the  title  of  '  The  Loiterings  of  Arthur  O'Leary.'  " 

This  elegant  epistle  formed  the  subject  of  much  laughter  and 
conversation  amongst  us  long  after  it  was  concluded,  and  little 
triumph  could  be  claimed  by  any  party,  where  nearly  all  were  so 
roughly  handled.  So  passed  the  last  evening  I  spent  in  Munich, 
The  next  morning  I  was  married. 


>3^^' 


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